Friday, October 01, 2004

Wayne Knight, Call Your Agent

The stupidest lobbying group ever discovers that out-of-work actors work very cheaply, and that original ideas aren't worth the effort.

New CCF Ad Features Seinfeld's 'Soup Nazi'

The Center for Consumer Freedom warns in our latest ad -- featuring the actor who played the "Soup Nazi" on Seinfeld -- that if calorie cops have their way, you could be forced into the Salad Line! (To see the ad, click here.) While this fictional food cop measures each customer's weight to determine what, if anything, restaurant-goers can enjoy, there is actually a real-world food "Czarina" taking away treats from Texas schoolchildren. She's just one of the food fascists who think you're too dumb to make your own choices. If these diet scolds have their way, we may all soon be told (as the star of our latest ad says): "No food for you! Come back when you're thinner!"

Members of the CCF support gluttons' rights, but they're staunchly opposed to parental choice in baby-naming:

We speak up whenever activists propose curtailing consumer freedom. What makes us different from many organizations is that we aren't afraid to take on groups that have built "good" images through slick public relations campaigns. Remember: even an ugly baby can be named "Tiffany." Just because they claim to be "ethical" or "responsible" or "in the public interest" doesn't mean they are. And when they talk about throwing bricks through windows, taxing your favorite foods, or throwing the book at popular restaurants with tobacco-style lawsuits, we make sure you know about it.

But not without reason. Apparently they're ashamed of the names their own parents gave them:

The Center for Consumer Freedom is supported by restaurants, food companies and more than 1,000 concerned individuals. From farm to fork, our friends and supporters include businesses, employees and consumers.... Many of the companies and individuals who support the Center financially have indicated that they want anonymity as contributors. They are reasonably apprehensive about privacy and safety in light of the violence some activist groups have adopted as a "game plan" to impose their views.

Because activists could never figure out who is selling unhealthful foods if the CCF didn't tip them off.

In the hilarious sequel to the current spot, CCF has the Food Nazi assault Elaine's rabbi for urging his congregation to follow dietary restrictions during Passover.

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