Sunday, December 31, 2006

Roger's Year-In-Review Quiz 2006

Well, it's already 2007 in many places, but it's still 2006 here.

The highlight of this blog's year, of course, was when I took a vacation and several more able bloggers took my place. But you can't have the highs without the lows, so I've trotted out this hoary quiz for its annual beating.

Until I started preparing the quiz, I was unaware of how much of 2006 I've already forgotten. (I think the pleasant outcome of the November elections gave my cerebral cortex a nice light rinse. That, or the generic Vicodin.) But, like a person with recovered memories, now that I've recalled all these things, I'm going to make everyone else suffer too.

A perfect score is 50 points. Answers and a grading scale will be posted early in the new year.

Good luck.

Part I: Grand Old Police Blotter - The Year in Republicrime

(1 point for each correct answer)

It's another banner year for criminality in the Party of Law and Order. Match the Republican with his or her crime. (Note: All persons listed are innocent until convicted of their crimes, at least until the Republican Party gets its way.)

a. Bob Ney

b. Chad Castagana

c. Jeff Skilling

d. Ted Haggard

e. Jack Abramoff

f. Bruce Tinsley

g. Bernard Kerik

h. Tom Noe

i. Ann Coulter

j. Randy "Duke" Cunningham


1. Embezzlement

2. Terrorist threats

3. Voting illegally

4. Fraud, conspiracy, false statements and insider trading

5. Drunk driving, public intoxication

6. Conspiracy, making false statements

7. Solicitation, methamphetamine use

8. Bribery

9. Fraud

10. Ethics violations (accepting/failing to disclose gifts)

Part II -- Who Said It?

(one point each)

Pretty much self-explanatory.

1. "Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!"

2. "And he [Jack Abramoff] had made substantial campaign contributions to both major parties."

3. "i always use lotion and the hand"

4. "Voters know it's hard to do a risky thing like define marriage as a legal entity that can take place only between an adult human male and an adult human female."

5. "You may end up with a different math but you are entitled to your math and I'm entitled to the math."

6. "Considering that all of this happened almost eight years ago, and that there are no files or notes that I've kept from that brief stint, it is simply my word against the liberal blogosphere on these examples. It becomes a matter of who you believe."

7. "As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else."

8. "And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes."

9. "I'm not Lee Siegel, you imbecile. If you knew who I was you and your n + 1 buddies would crap in your pants."

10. "I didn't kiss him back."

Part III -- Multiple Guess

(One point each)

1. Which one of the following moronic statements by a blogger is fake:

a. "[K]nowing what I think I know about Cheney, there is no one in North America who I'd rather hunt with." -- John "Assrocket" Hinderaker
b. "Instead of picking up a gun and commanding an army, [Patrick] Henry relied on his better skills and went into politics and rhetoric to fight for freedom." -- "Captain" Ed Morrisey
c. "All women with large breasts are sluts." -- Ann Althouse
d. " If you seek hostility to Jews and Israel, you will find it in the same left wing blogosphere that spreads the vile venom against Lieberman." -- Marshall "Bullshit Moose" Wittmann

2. Which of the following Senators voted for the cloture motion which allowed the nomination of Samuel Alito to go to a vote of the full Senate?

a. Robert Byrd (D-VW)
b. Joe Lieberman (D-CT)
c. Maria Cantwell (D-OR) (D-WA)
d. Mary Landrieu (D-LA)
e. All of the above

3. On his low-rated radio show, Matt Drudge offered the following defense of Congressman Mark Foley (R-FL):

a. Foley was working on a sting of Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen
b. "The kids are egging the Congressman on."
c. "Bitch set him up."
d. "Foley's not gay; he was almost married once."

4. Which of the following drunks sought treatment before his high-profile scandal in 2006?

a. Charles Kennedy (Lib Dem -- Ross, Skye and Lochaber)
b. Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL)
c. Mel Gibson
d. Rep. Bob Ney (R-OH)
e. Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI)

5. Which of the following Presidential hopefuls supported Bush's invasion of Iraq? (Choose all applicable names):

a. Sen. Joseph Biden
b. Sen. Hillary Clinton
c. Sen. Chris Dodd
d. Sen. John Edwards
e. Rep. Dennis Kucinich
f. Sen. Barack Obama

6. The biggest loser, percentage-wise, in the November 2006 elections was:

a. Thomas Kean, Jnr.
b. Sen. Rick Santorum
c. Sen. Mike DeWine
d. Sen. Lincoln Chafee

7. The following author/s and book were featured on Meet the Press with Tim Russert:

a. Markos Moulitsas Zuniga, co-author, Crashing the Gates
b. Glenn Reynolds, author, An Army of Davids
c. Sheri Zollinger and Scott Clevenger, authors, Better Living Through Bad Movies
d. John Podhoretz, author Can She Be Stopped?
e. Michael Berube, author The BeRube Code

8. Which 2008 G.O.P. presidential hopeful once said "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."

a. Sen. Sam Brownback
b. Gov. "Mitt" Romney
c. Rep. Duncan Hunter
d. Sen. John McCain

9. In the November 2006 election, the Democrats gained how many seats in the U.S. House of Representatives?

a. 12
b. 21
c. 26
d. 31
e. 35
f. 46

10. As of December 2006, the cost of Bush's invasion of Iraq is:

a. At least 354 billion dollars in U.S. expenditures
b. At least 3,000 U.S. soldiers' lives
c. At least 52,000 Iraqi civilian lives
d. Not one second of George Bush's sleep
e. All of the above

Part IV -- Dr. Phil In The Blank

(One point each)

Frankly, not my best effort. I'm sure there are a lot of catchphrases I've missed. (Note: All answers are one word or one hyphenated word, with the exception of number 1.)

1. "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for ___________."

2. __________ Mitt Romney.

3. __________ options (2006-2007 business scandal)

4. "This fellow here, over here with the yellow shirt, __________, or whatever his name is."

5. "It's Hard Out Here For A __________."

6. Saparmurat __________, also known as Turkmanbashi

7. Loans for ___________ scandal

8. Palestine: Peace Not ___________

9. "What do you think you're looking at, ___________?"

10. "John McCain, what a ____________! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork."

Part V -- WTF?

(1 pt. ea.)

Deabbreviate the following.

1. DPW



4. OSM



7. 6PT

8. ISG



And a HNY to all!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

John Edwards hasn't yet hired me as a consultant or even added me to his One America Blogroll. It's never too late to make the best decision of your political life, John.

At least lose Instapundit: He's a Republican, his wife's nuttier than he is and he isn't even a real lawyer.

(Other websites where I'm conspicuously absent: Joe Biden's Unite Our States, and Tom Vilsack's My Space page.)

That's The Sound of Eulogies Being Rewritten

Gerald Ford hated America, hated the troops and hated Jesus, it can now be revealed:

Describing his own preferred policy toward Saddam Hussein's Iraq [in a 2004 interview], Ford said he would not have gone to war, based on the publicly available information at the time, and would have worked harder to find an alternative. "I don't think, if I had been president, on the basis of the facts as I saw them publicly," he said, "I don't think I would have ordered the Iraq war. I would have maximized our effort through sanctions, through restrictions, whatever, to find another answer."

Ford also suggested that Junior's Invasion was neither in the national interest nor beneficial to national security. So we know he wasn't suffering from any mental disabilities as of July 2004.

Technical Assistance Request

When I switched over to "New Blogger," two features (at least) got screwed up on the template.

1. The permalink now repeats the number code twice, so the link doesn't work; and

2. The archive links (previously located in the sidebar under "Stale and Tired") have disappeared.

If anyone can suggest a fix for either of these, it would be greatly appreciated. By me. You can contact me at the address.

(I'm also looking for a research intern to put the finishing touches (Chapters 2 through 35) on my meticulously researched and persuasively argued book, Grand Old Police Blotter: The Book, which will be available on beginning September 11, 2007. And a publisher as gullible as Doubleday.)

By the way, did anyone see Tom Brokaw on the Today show, suggesting that Michael, John and Steven Ford were banging their dates in the Lincoln Bedroom?

Cold Duck

This week, the comic strip of accused drunk driver Bruce Tinsley is featuring "New-Year's Resolutions," accompanied by a drawing of a booze-swilling duck in a party hat:

It's nice of Tinslard to give his endorsement to his fellow Columbus, Indiana resident, Mike Pence. One wonders whether Pence appreciates the endorsement of a such menace to society. (One is tempted to ask.) One also hopes that Mike keeps his kids indoors when Bruce drives around the neighborhood.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Gerald R. Ford, R.I.P.

Gerald R. Ford, born in 1913, was the longest living President, having lived longer than Ronald Reagan by a matter of weeks. President Ford likely owed more a third of his long and blessed life to Oliver Sipple, a Marine, a wounded Vietnam veteran and a gay man.

A fitting tribute to Ford, and Sipple, would be the end of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

Joementum 2: The Rise of Biden

Senator Joe Biden, who couldn't get elected president of the Hair Club for Men, is throwing his plugs into the ring for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination. And Joe has already endorsed himself in the most glowing terms, according to the Boston Globe:

"Frankly, I think I'm more qualified than other candidates, and the issues facing the American public are all in my wheelbarrow," Biden said. "I know I want to be president, I know what I believe, and my message is important."

And that's what sets Joe apart from the presidential candidates who don't think they're the most qualified, don't know whether they want to be president and don't own a wheelbarrow.

P.S. -- Yes, that is the same wheelbarrow that Joe uses to haul his contributions from CapitalOne, MBNA et al. to the bank. It was smart of Joe to announce before voters got their December credit card statements.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Let's have a great Christmas.... Let's have the best year of our whole lives

Many bloggers are posting about their favorite Christmas movie, and I know I'm a little late, but I'll give the nod to the often overlooked and underappreciated Ordinary People.

I'm serious.

And let's have the best year of our whole lives.

Dreaming of A White Supremacist Christmas

Dana "American Taliban" Rohrabacher is spending the last days of a Republican-controlled Congress wrapping steaming presents for his fascistic Freeper friends.

WASHINGTON -- A two-year congressional inquiry into the Oklahoma City bombing concludes that the FBI didn't fully investigate whether other suspects may have helped Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols with the deadly 1995 attack, allowing questions to linger a decade later.

The House International Relations investigative subcommittee will release the findings of its two-year review as early as Wednesday, declaring there is no conclusive evidence of a foreign connection to the attack, but that far too many unanswered questions remain.


"We did our best with limited resources, and I think we moved the understanding of this issue forward a couple of notches even though important questions remain unanswered," Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, R-Calif., the subcommittee chairman, said in an interview with The Associated Press.

You have to read to the end of the article for the disclosure of Rohrabacher's real motive: an attempt to legitimize the lunatic ravings of World Nut Daily favorite Janya Davis, who believes the whole thing was an Iraqi plot. The report castigates the FBI for ignoring "Information [sic] from a former TV reporter concerning an Iraqi national who was in Oklahoma around the time of the bombing."

Tim McVeigh was a murderous racist right-wing shit, impure and simple. He wasn't Saddam's co-conspirator, nor was he the Manchurian Candidate from Iraq.

Rohrabacher's no doubt got a hard-on for the FBI because of its persecution of his "honest," "fine" and "good" friend, Jack Abramoff. And he's certainly met more times with foreign terrorist representatives than domestic terrorist McVeigh. But he can't whitewash the facts with bogus "questions."

For sane Americans, Christmas came in November, when voters wrested control of Congressional committees from dangerous chuckleheads like Rohrabacher. God bless us, every one!

Joyeux Noel

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Practice Test

In anticipation of Roger's Year In Review Quiz, we link to the inferior and less challenging 2006-2007 King William's College Quiz.

Think of it as a Stanley Kaplan pop quiz in preparation for the main event.

Holy Shit

Tim Russert hosted his annual Christmas Crusade on this morning's Meet the Press. NBC pimped the revival meeting thusly:

Exclusive! In a special holiday edition, Dr. Rick Warren, author of the international best-seller "The Purpose Driven Life" & Jon Meacham, Newsweek's Editor and author of "American Gospel," discuss Faith in America.

Exclusive indeed. The competition for Jon Meacham's prattlings must have been intense. And I bet Tim was smarting over the fact that FOX poached the D.C. Catholic Archbishop this year.

Much of hour was spent bashing atheists and atheism. (Sample reasoned discourse: "Stalin was an atheist. Mao was an atheist.") Yet it never occurred to Russert to invite an atheist to join the discussion.

Unfortunately for the pious Pumpkinhead, he inadvertently gave the last word to skeptic Robert Frost, who once wrote "I turned to speak to God/About the world's despair/But to make bad matters worse/I found God wasn't there."

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Bitch Of The Magi, or It's A Whinerful Life

Here's an old tragic tale from Gregg Easterbrook, who was forced at gunpoint to celebrate Christmas in an ostentatious and over-indulgent manner.

It's Christmas, festive season of goodwill, time of sparkling delight for the little ones, and... argggghhhhhhh, how many hundred chores left? For parents of young kids, the run-up to Christmas is the most exhausting period of the year. A dozen large boxes of decorations and lights to string. Two trees in our household, plus miniatures for each kid's room. The Tyranny of the Presents: dozens of relatives are present-qualified in our extended family group, and each of the five of us gives an average of 2.5 gifts to each, meaning uncountable gifts to buy or make. Plus toy drives and Secret Santa events, parties to attend, parties to give, stockings to stuff, the wrapping of those uncountable gifts, rehearsals for the pageant (our offspring are two camels and a shepherd this year), all the while regular homework and housework and income work continue. By Christmas morning, my wife Nan and I are in a state of pure fatigue. Then the event goes by in a blur and it's time to start cleaning up. As a child, my favorite moment each year was Christmas Eve, when bells were ringing and everything was in prospect. As a parent, my favorite moment each year comes around the morning of December 29, when I've finally caught up on sleep.

....Doctor: "Then stop doing that."

Now if you're not registered with The New Republic (and why would you be?) you might think the whole article is about Easterbrook the status-driven, self-pitying yuppie. Or that he ends by blaming his ordeal on avaricious Jewish movie executives.

But Easterbrook isn't quite that dense. He goes on to assert that you should send a dollar "to the needy or to charity" for every dollar you spend on family and friends. Strangely, Easterbrook never actually says whether he follows that standard himself.

And then he goes on to gripe about how Amazon overcharged him for shipping on a toy order exceeding 99 bucks, and how Amazon is hostile to workers -- which doesn't stop him from using Amazon.

My suggestion: Take that $29.95 the New Republic keeps asking for, and buy a DVD of An Inconvenient Truth instead. You could even send it to Easterbrook.

Grand Old Police Blotter: A Drunkard Fillmore Update

I was incorrect when I posted earlier that Bruce Tinsley was lawyered up. The only attorney listed in the electronic court file at that time was William Nash, who appears to be a D.A.

But there's another lawyer listed now, a bilingual criminal defense attorney named Dominic Glover. And it appears that Mr. Glover is a friend of the bleeding heart missus:

Director [Arlette] Tinsley completed multiple trainings and received an invitation to provide the anti-bullying & harassment training for St. Peter's Lutheran School in December. She provided the legal perspective, "On Being Gay" at the Center for Teaching and Learning. Both the director and deputy director provided a presentation on diversity for Leadership Bartholomew County. Director Tinsley provided a historical perspective of diversity in Bartholomew County. Deputy Director Smith developed a diversity self-assessment and resource guide to aid individuals with their incorporation of diversity into work and personal lives. Tracy Souza and Dominic Glover provided an overview of the Heritage Fund's Welcoming Community Outreach Project and the results obtained from the focus groups.

Perhaps the thought that his wife supports gay rights and opposes Lutheran bullying drove Ed Bruce to imbibe copious amounts of the local moonshine.

Meanwhile, the court records now reflect two separate criminal cases involving Edward Bruce Tinsley, filed separately on December 7 and 13, 2006, respectively. Whether this reflects a crime wave in Bartholmew County, Indiana or simply a duplicate filing is unclear.

Shorter Mona Charen: My constant bitching about big government and do-gooders doesn't apply to my family's needs.

Marty Peretz, Class Warrior

Martin Peretz drops trou and squeaks out a few bars of Fanfare for the Common Man:

I have a question I've been reluctant to ask. Do the Clintons have any friends who aren't really rich? Maybe just a few, for old time's sake. But, as I read the clips about them, they consort largely, and maybe only, with zillionaires and very high-pay Hollywood types. It is not an axiomatic vocational hazard of politicians. Let me take Gore as an instance. He and Tipper have musician friends and professor friends and artist friends and just plain worker friends and farmer friends, for sure. Not that they don't mix with computer magnates, as well. But the Gores are rooted in ordinary life--in real, even quotidian activity. For example, he actually writes his own books. Believe it or not, it's true. The indulgent wealth that surrounds Bill and Hillary is, I am sure, corrupting. And that corruption--of taste, of moderation, of what is essential--cripples the soul and distorts life itself.

Yes, only the "really" rich and "very" highly-paid and the "indulgently" wealthly are soul-crippling life distorters, whereas the moderately highly-paid and the deserving wealthy are God's blessing upon us all. The cut-off line? One penny above the current Singer family fortune.

P.S. to Marty - You don't actually write your own books either.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Nice Per Se

Coming not-that-soon: A book about the ordeal of sex workers in Cambridge, MA:

Djuric said that one idea that has been tossed around for the book proposal is a collection of autobiographical stories about how different Harvard students lost their virginities.

While Chen said the idea is still in its nascent stages, she envisions it being a sort of guide to sex at Ivy League schools.

"A guide to everything there is about sex," Chen said. "Not on how to have sex per se, but a manual with a certain Ivy League legitimacy."

I though sex per se was the only kind Harvard students had.

Young Goode-man Brownshirt

Representative-elect Keith Ellison (D-MN) schools an ignorant cracker:

In his letter, which was dated Dec. 5, Mr. Goode [R-Inbred] said that Americans needed to "wake up" or else there would "likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran."


Mr. Ellison dismissed Mr. Goode's comments, saying they seemed ill informed about his personal origins as well as about Constitutional protections of religious freedom. "I'm not an immigrant," added Mr. Ellison, who traces his American ancestors back to 1742. "I'm an African-American."

Since the November election, Mr. Ellison said, he has received hostile phone calls and e-mail messages along with some death threats. But in an interview on Wednesday, he emphasized that members of Congress and ordinary citizens had been overwhelmingly supportive and said he was focusing on setting up his Congressional office, getting phone lines hooked up and staff members hired, not on negative comments.

Christianity, the religion of peace. I wonder how many of those death threats came from Clownhall contributors.

Monday, December 18, 2006

"And the Snowflakes Should Be Portrayed By Actual Snowflake Babies!"

Reg Against The Machine

New York Sun staff writer Robert Assshiner Asahina takes a brave stand against the persecution of Dame Judy Stench:

But aren't publishers supposed to be daring, even if they act in dubious taste? In a publishing environment that is increasingly bottom-line driven, Mr. Murdoch and Ms. Regan's immediate superior at HarperCollins, Chief Executive Officer Jane Friedman, can hardly complain that Ms. Regan's daring hasn't paid off. In fact, she has probably been the single most successful publisher in the industry, perhaps in recent memory.

It's difficult to avoid the conclusion that Ms. Regan was fired not for her legendarily difficult personality -- and not, or not just, because of her longstanding rivalry with Ms. Friedman -- but for her repeated affronts to the bland conformity of New York publishing.

Assshiner then takes the time from mailing his ms. to Ms. Regan to portray her as a victim of the elitist liberal publishing industry:

Would Ms. Regan be considered even remotely controversial if she had published, say, Noam Chomsky, Al Franken, and Karen Finley? By this measure, Ms. Regan's chief sin seems to have been that her authors sold millions of books to exactly the kind of readers that New York publishers wish weren't their customers.

If she recruited Noam, Al and/or Karen to write a book about how they might have knifed two people to death (who had in fact been knifed to death), probably, yes.

(By the way, Regan published books by Ralph Nader, Michael Moore, and Joe Trippi. Isn't that the exact same thing?)

Don't worry, Bob, there are plenty of other sewers Regan can infest, and it's more likely she'll return your calls now.

Blogging For Dumbfucks

Here's a remedial lesson for subliterate, underwear-soiling bloghacks.

I guess we'll never find out how that real-life remake of Six Days Seven Nights turns out.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Happy Pundit New Year

December 16 marks the day when Washington pundits, teevee news personalities and other indolent blowhards call it a year. Their Year-In-Review and 2007 Prediction columns were finished weeks ago. (Bill Safire finished his in September, just in case.) Their personal assistants have completed their Christmas shopping for their families and Ken Mehlman, and they're all sleeping off last night's corporate party hangovers and/or intern seductions. Pumpkinhead Russert still has to kneepad Laura Bush and Cardinal McCarrick and (my guess) either Rudy Guiliani or Lynne Cheney for his Spiritual State of the Nation show, and Larry King has to doze through a couple of pre-tapes with Rick Warren and Mark Russell, but everyone else has already left for Aspen or the Vineyard. Only the wingnut bloggers remain vigiliant, waiting for an e-mail from a desperate MSNBC booker or news that a Muslim farted in public.

But don't worry. There's always Roger's Year-In-Review Quiz to keep you amused.

Roger's Medical Corner

Here's a bit of news for all those bashers of Canadian "socialized medicine." A group of Toronto doctors and researchers at the Hospital for Sick Children, Research Institute report the following:

In type 1 diabetes, T cell-mediated death of pancreatic β cells produces insulin deficiency. However, what attracts or restricts broadly autoreactive lymphocyte pools to the pancreas remains unclear. We report that TRPV1+ pancreatic sensory neurons control islet inflammation and insulin resistance. Eliminating these neurons in diabetes-prone NOD mice prevents insulitis and diabetes, despite systemic persistence of pathogenic T cell pools. Insulin resistance and β cell stress of prediabetic NOD mice are prevented when TRPV1+ neurons are eliminated. TRPV1NOD, localized to the Idd4.1 diabetes-risk locus, is a hypofunctional mutant, mediating depressed neurogenic inflammation. Delivering the neuropeptide substance P by intra-arterial injection into the NOD pancreas reverses abnormal insulin resistance, insulitis, and diabetes for weeks. Concordantly, insulin sensitivity is enhanced in trpv1−/− mice, whereas insulitis/diabetes-resistant NODxB6Idd4-congenic mice, carrying wild-type TRPV1, show restored TRPV1 function and insulin sensitivity. Our data uncover a fundamental role for insulin-responsive TRPV1+ sensory neurons in β cell function and diabetes pathoetiology.

Or, in terms understandable too those simpletons who parrot Rush Limbaugh, Mallard Fillmore and The Corner without engaging their brains:

"In a discovery that has stunned even those behind it, scientists at a Toronto hospital say they have proof the body's nervous system helps trigger diabetes, opening the door to a potential near-cure of the disease that affects millions of Canadians.

"Diabetic mice became healthy virtually overnight after researchers injected a substance to counteract the effect of malfunctioning pain neurons in the pancreas.

"'I couldn't believe it,' said Dr. Michael Salter, a pain expert at the Hospital for Sick Children and one of the scientists. 'Mice with diabetes suddenly didn't have diabetes any more.'" (Link added.)

Meanwhile, fucking American hospitals can't even fucking bill their patients correctly.

Miracle On 53rd Street

This holiday season is just full of wonderful surprises. Today's Christmas cracker: Anti-Clinton hysteric and Bernie Kerik gun moll Judith Regan has been terminated by HarperCollins Publishers for her efforts to publish a book which was only slightly more sleazy than her usual HarperCollins fare, but also caused bad publicity for her employer, Rupert Murdoch:

LOS ANGELES, Dec. 15 -- Judith Regan, the firebrand editor who stirred up decade-old passions last month with her plan for a book and television interview with O. J. Simpson, was fired on Friday by HarperCollins, the publishing company that oversaw her book business.

HarperCollins announced the firing, "effective immediately," in a two-sentence news release that was issued about 7 p.m. Eastern time. The announcement was made by Jane Friedman, president and chief executive of HarperCollins, who has long had a strained relationship with Ms. Regan.

The statement said Ms. Regan's publishing unit and its staff would continue as part of the HarperCollins General Books Group, but it is unknown whether that group would remain in Los Angeles, where Ms. Regan moved it from New York earlier this year.

It is also unclear whether Ms. Regan has been terminated wholly from any employment with the News Corporation, Rupert Murdoch's giant media company, which owns HarperCollins. Over the years, Ms. Regan has gained a growing amount of sway within the corporation because of her ability to generate profits from books and other ventures.

(On The Daily Show this week, Regan was credited with announcing a new tome at the Iranian Holocaust conference, entitled "If We Did It, Here's How It Would Have Happened." Best laugh I've had in weeks.)

Anyway, I'm sure Regnery or WND Books or Crown Forum will be sure to hire Regan at a much discounted rate. I hear Ben Domench's job is still vacant. Or maybe Regan will use her free time to write a tell-all about the vile things that went on at the FNC under Roger Ailes (the other one).

Friday, December 15, 2006

My Other Name, Colon, Means Full Of Shit, And So I Am

Move over Nooners, there's a new wingnut in town, and she's gunning for your job:

Matt Drudge, who may or may not be a willing accomplice to the distortion of news reporting, must be held responsible for the dissemination of the bias in the liberal press. Studies have shown that the readership of the Times is down -- as it is in other liberal publications -- and so are the television ratings of the alphabet networks and CNN and MSNBC, while Fox News is up.

Nevertheless, the propaganda of the enemedia -- an excellent descriptive term coined by one poster to -- continues to sully news coverage, thanks to Mr. Drudge. A study of press bias by a professor of political science at the University of California-Los Angeles, Tim Groseclose, listed the Drudge Report as one of the most liberal sites on the Web because it consistently posts articles from left-of-center sources.

My patience with the Drudge Report ended when I saw a photo of Frank Rich of the Times posted on the site along with his words: "We are losing in Iraq." It isn't too encouraging to the morale of the nation, but posts like this are common on Drudge.

Finally, the truth behind the Miserable Failure's miserable failure is revealed:

The site gives top billing to every possible negative statement about the Iraq war and the Bush administration, and it gets about 13 million hits a day. Is it any wonder that President Bush has record low approval ratings?

Well, is it? Is it? Huh? Answer me that!?!

I suppose the 295+ million Americans who don't read Drudge never get asked their opinions.

And if Alicia thinks that Drudge is a liberal website because Eggboy "posts" (sic -- links to) articles from lefty sources, what does that make her, as her own crappy site links to Drudge? Answer: A Colonic Enemedia.

Graham Crackers

A fitting tribute to the Nation's most famous evangelist and Nixon toady:

But at this moment everyone's attention is on the visitor, crime novelist Patricia Cornwell, who is talking about a memorial "library" that the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, headed by Franklin [Graham], is building in Charlotte. Cornwell toured the building site and saw the proposed burial plot. She was asked by Ned [Graham], who opposes Franklin's choice, to come and give his father her impression.

"I was horrified by what I saw," she tells Billy, in the presence of a reporter invited to be there.

The building, designed in part by consultants who used to work for the Walt Disney Co., is not a library, she says, but a large barn and silo -- a reminder of Billy Graham's early childhood on a dairy farm near Charlotte. Once it's completed in the spring, visitors will pass through a 40-foot-high glass entry cut in the shape of a cross and be greeted by a mechanical talking cow.

A fitting tribute to a leader in the manufacture of bovine gas, from his even more odious son.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

More Fill

As long as we're beating a dead duck, here's wingnut Harry Stein on Eddie Bruce and Chris Muir:

But the tenor of the strip [Day by Day] tends more to be gentle than angry, reflecting none of the bitterness so common today on the Left. Indeed, Muir's girlfriend, the primary model for one of his characters, "is a total liberal." [It's the one with the goatee and the paunch -- RA.] As it happens, the same holds true for Mallard creator Tinsley, whose wife is a civil rights lawyer. There's perhaps a lesson here. "It's a funny thing," Tinsley says. "All her liberal friends are incredulous that our marriage works, but none of my conservative friends have any trouble with it at all. They understand you can think differently about things and still be civil to one another."

Almost immediately, this observation leads Tinsley to reflect on something else. "You ever notice how often liberals seem to think that, because they hold these lofty social views, it excuses them from having to be civil to bellboys and cabdrivers? I really think that by and large conservatives are just much nicer." He pauses, thinking it over. "One of these days, I've gotta do a cartoon about that."

(Links added)

You ever notice how often conversatives think that because they pretend to respect the rule of law, no one will notice that they don't? I think I'll do a series of blog posts about that one of these days. Hmm... what can I call it?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Grand Old Police Blotter: Too Drunk To Duck Edition

This is the best Holiday Season ever. And Atrios has gotten me just what I wanted for the Holidays:

Hoosier Edward Bruce Tinsley, creator of the conservative comic strip Mallard Fillmore, was arrested in Columbus Dec. 4 and charged with operating a vehicle under the influence -- his second alcohol-related arrest in less that four months, according to the Bartholomew County Sheriff's Department.

Tinsley, 48, who lives in Columbus, had a blood-alcohol level of 0.14 -- almost twice the level at which an Indiana driver is considered intoxicated. He posted $755 bond. On Aug. 26, Tinsley was arrested for public intoxication, according to the sheriff's department.

The right-wing tosspot knows all about the dangers of drunk driving; in fact, it's a running gag for him:

Perhaps Tinsley was endangering the lives of others in solidarity with his idol, Mel.

And it looks like Tinsley's liquored lawyered up already.

Kudos to the Bartholmew County Sheriff's Department for keeping Indiana safe.

Update: Damn, Nicole Richie beat me to the punch.

Monday, December 11, 2006

For those curious about what Mary Cheney does as a Vice President of AOL, apparently she writes copy.

Scum, Scum Rudolph

Here's a story designed to bring some holiday cheer: Terrorist Eric Robert Rudolph isn't well pleased with the prison in which he'll die someday. Seems that maximum security incarceration interferes considerably with his hobby of murdering women, non-whites and gays.

Rudolph whines that the SuperMax Arms "is a closed-off world designed to isolate inmates from social and environmental stimuli, with the ultimate purpose of causing mental illness and chronic physical conditions such as diabetes, heart disease and arthritis." Yet, despite his isolation, Rudolph manages to write his penpals at the local newspaper and get his letters ridiculing his victims out for publication on the terrorist Army of God website.

Needless to say, even the most contemptible prisoners should not be denied a healthy diet, exercise, access to legal counsel and the right to religious observance. But I'd hardly take Rudolph's word that he's been denied any of those. As for the likelihood of causing Eric mental illness, it sounds like Rudolph's the same sociopath he always was.

The I-Man

It's nice to see that despite Don Imus's long history of anti-Semitic tirades, one man of principle has refused to disassociate himself from the decrepit bigot. That independent thinker is Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.).

The Bullshit Moose might call this "turn[ing] a blind eye to anti-Semitism." If he was an honest man, that is.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

On Weird Christian Soldiers

Both S.Z. at World O'Crap and Pam Spaulding at Pandagon have been commenting on "America's Conservative Comedian" Brad Stine. Stine is devoting some of his ample free time to a fundamentalist men's movement called "GodMen," which apparently posits that every Christian demonination in America is controlled by a cabal of women and girly-men.

To prove his bona fides, Brad engaged in the butchiest of all masculine pursuits, blogging. Here's an excerpt from "The Stine"'s post on "Man-Church:"

I was performing at a church in Pennsylvania for what was supposed to be a "Men's" event. I said supposed to be because on the way to the event the coordinator told me that some of the women at the church wondered if they could slip in to see the show. Apparently they were fans of mine and felt left out.

Now folks, the last thing I am is anti-woman. I love women, need women,and respect women. Heck, my mom's one! But it really ticked me off that they would think it ok to enter our man cave. Men have very few events that they are allowed to have just for themselves w/o women feeling we are being insensitive. Women want to get into everything that used to be exclusively male including our sports. From little league , to fireMEN , women want in.

Women want to get into Augusta which is a private golf course where the Masters is held. (I know you guys know this but this is for any women who have sneaked onto our site and are reading this.) Ladies , why can't we have a tournament or PRIVATE club just for men? Men are better golfers and need to compete with each other for the shear sportmanship of watching another man crumble at the sight of our superior drive. Women want to even compete in mens golf tournaments. Listen ladies I have no problem having you in our tournaments as long as we can compete in yours. Of course if men went out for WPGA events there wouldn't BE any ladies making the cut. Why because we are better at it than you.

Funny how in our culture even that pragmatic, documented , truth, is supposed to be censored for the sake of not hurting someones feelings. Saying men are superior than women in certain areas isn't's true. Just like women are better at some things then men. You would have to be a tenured professor of sociology at Berkley to be too stupid to grasp that.

After reading The Stine's man-ifesto, I was a bit surprised to see GodMen opposes "Anti-Intellectualism ... which has driven many thinking men from the fortress of faith."

But there's no doubt Brad's a real man's man.

Parsley, Stooge, Rosacea and Stine (second from left)

Hey, Brad. Hillary Clinton called. She wants her pants suit back.

Out, Damned Spot

I suppose I should take the Iraq Study Group seriously, especially if I want to be taken seriously as a serious blogger. Their report's worth 10 posts, at least.

But since two of its esteemed members -- James Baker and Sandra Day O'Connor -- are in large measure responsible for the death and destruction in Iraq, I can't seem to even feign interest. Lord and Lady Macbeth can scrub themselves raw, but I have no interest in watching.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Shareef Don't Like Wetzel's Pretzels

Here's all you need to know about the one-day wonder domestic terror story that was all rage in rightwingnutisan:

The CS then stated: "All you need is like $100, that's two grenades," and SHAREEF answered, "I'm pretty sure I can get more than that from my sister." Several minutes later, SHAREEF stated: "If Allah wills a lot of people around that garbage can, that place is crowded."

If Allah can't get this genius a hundred dollars, how the hell is he going to get a crowd to stand around a garbage can? Making the faithful swap their stereo equipment to wage jihad just makes a deity look like a cheap-ass.

As a good lefty blogger, I suppose this is where I should point that every faith has its adherents who are unstable and believe that God calls upon them to engage in acts of senseless violence. But you already know that.

For me, the most interesting part of the story was the number of articles that placed the mall in "Chicago" or a "Chicago suburb," even though Rockford's close to 90 miles from Chicago. (See USA Today, for example.) That's like saying Sacramento is a suburb of San Francisco.

I won't be joining those mourning the death of Jeane J. Kirkpatrick.

After all she wasn't just a U.N. Ambassador, she was a political activist.

And her corpse is too, if Bill Bennett has anything to say about it.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I Can't Complain But Sometimes I Still Do

It's undoubtedly a measure of how fortunate I am that the last three months probably have been the least pleasant of my adult life. That "persistent but not-particularly-serious" medical problem I mentioned in mid-September was a little more serious and persistent than I'd manage to convince myself. (Just like the outcome of the mid-term election was a little more serious that Karl Rove thought.) Every day for the past six weeks, I've spent more hours dealing with the problem than doing anything else besides work. (And that includes sleep.) But that's over. I still have a medical condition to deal with, but I'll just have to take medication and see the doctor on occasion. (When I no longer have the condition -- then I'm fucked.)

All that's left is to wait and see what my insurance covers -- and doesn't cover. That's the scary part.

Now that I've got my free time back, I'll be blogging more often again. Stay tuned for my sixteen-part series, Health Care in Crisis: The Nation's Worst Hospitals, Physicians, HMOs and Drug Companies. And some Mary Cheney jokes.

Dumbfuck Blogger of The Day

A dumbfuck writes:

America was frightened of nothing when she began, not because she was brave, but because she was afraid of everything, being a mere niche on a coastline in a once distant and still foreboding land.

This blogger is too stupid to be a moron.

(Dumbfuck revealed later)

Later: It's Dan Riehl. TBogg links to the same post here.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Get The PNAC

Conrad Black's dogsbody inadvertently diagnoses the root cause of failure:

David Frum, the former White House speechwriter who co-wrote Bush's 2002 State of the Union address, accusing Iraq of being part of an "axis of evil," says it now looks as if defeat may be inescapable, because "the insurgency has proven it can kill anyone who cooperates, and the United States and its friends have failed to prove that it can protect them. If you are your typical, human non-hero, then it's very hard at this point to justify to yourself and your family taking any risks at all on behalf of the coalition." This situation, he says, must ultimately be blamed on "failure at the center."

Yes. And that center is the Center for Security Policy. And the American Enterprise Institute. And The Heritage Foundation. And the Project for the New American Century. And every other repository of bloodthirsty old chickenhawks who aroused themselves with delusions of martial grandeur, and now complain that the Bush administration didn't supply them with enough towels.

Twenty-First Century Foster Brooks

Having served his tour of duty in Iraq, warflogger Chris Hitchens returns home to consider matters domestic. Namely, "Why Women Aren't Funny":

There are more terrible female comedians than there are terrible male comedians, but there are some impressive ladies out there. Most of them, though, when you come to review the situation, are hefty or dykey or Jewish, or some combo of the three.

Perhaps Hitch should consider the possibility that straights and gentiles and ectomorphs aren't funny either. That's three more columns right there.

Hitchens then disproves his own theory (or discloses his true gender) by trying out his own comedic riff:

Is there anything less funny than hearing a woman relate a dream she's just had? ("And then Quentin was there somehow. And so were you, in a strange sort of way. And it was all so peaceful." Peaceful?)

Is this thing on?

If you want laughs, Hitch, just republish your columns glorifying the invasion of Iraq. Those killed, man!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

The Last Supper, Served At Four, With The Senior Discount

Get out your discount coupons and walk, don't run, to theatrical event of the holiday season. They're reviving Jesus Christ Superstar and they've resuscitated Ted Neeley as titluar hippie. Neeley's only thirty years older than the character he portrays.

Corey Glover from Living Colour is Judas.

And Levitra is now the answer to "I Don't Know How To Love Him."

From the New York Times crossword, Saturday, December 2, 2006:

30 Down: Amateurish (4)

The Lord Douchebag Glover

Actually, getting paid not to blog about candidates is where the real money is. The last three months have been a windfall for me.

As Atrios points out, this article by K. Douchebag Glover and its
accompanying chart
are disingenuous in the extreme. Neither mentions that Jesse Taylor no longer blogs at Pandagon and that he announced the fact when he went to work for Strickland. It's not like the douchebag Glover didn't know that fact - he fucking blogged about it at the time it happened. But douchebag Glover states that "Few of these bloggers shut down their 'independent' sites after signing on with campaigns," while failing to mention that Taylor did exactly that.

And why doesn't Glover mention Holy Joe Lieberman's hiring of Bullshit Marshall Wittmann in his article/chart? Glover was actually pimping the idea of Wittmann's paid blogging for Droopy the Republican:

If Wittmann [sic - Lieberman] really wanted to embrace the interactive, transparent spirit of the blogosphere, he would have made Wittmann's continued blogging a condition of his employment. He also wouldn't have yanked his campaign blog and deleted the archives days after the race ended. I will be surprised if Wittmann or anyone else on Lieberman's staff starts a blog at his Senate Web site, but I suppose anything is possible.

So paying the Bullshit Moose to blog is a shining example of the "interactive, transparent spirit of the blogosphere," while Jesse Taylor is engaged in "politics as usual." (Unjust world that this is, I'd guess the Bullshit Moose is getting a much bigger paycheck that Mr. Taylor.) I guess the spirit of transparency -- in the sense of telling the truth about your subject -- isn't required when engaged in paid hackwork for the New York Times

Meanwhile, Ann Outhouse's overflow on the subject demonstrates that her grasp of the English language is limited to words of two letters or less:

Politicians: If you're worried a blogger might undercut your campaign, know that about $2,000 a month will not only cut off the criticism; it will buy you a stream of free ads, written by a free ad writer. What a bargain!

What a fucking moron!

Update: Oh dear! I seem to have coarsened the discourse with facts. Run away! Run away! Unclean!

Further Update: I've altered the title, in the spirit of civility.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

An Item For Those Who Thought Cyber Monday Was A Holiday to Honor Mark Foley

Back in Old Blighty, it's time again for distribution of the Bad Sex Award, a prize given to the author of the year's most "unconvincing, perfunctory, embarrassing or redundant sex scene in an otherwise sound literary novel." Up for the honors was Thomas Pynchon, for his Santorumesque doggy shag tale involving

a spaniel called Mouffette, a curious man called Reef and the final line, "Reader, she bit him."

Sadly, Pynchon was pipped at the post by young turk Iain Hollingshead, whose more conventional offering included this passage:

She reaches for my belt. I groan too, in expectation. And then I'm inside her, and everything is pure white as we're lost in a commotion of grunts and squeaks, flashing unconnected images and explosions of a million little particles.

Hey, watch it! Those are Snowflake Babies you're talking about.

The compleat entries can be read here.

And, since somebody's got to do it, I'm awarding the Bad Blog Sex prize to Special Ed Morrissey, for his erotic essay on The Mile Wide High Club:

In modern jets, the seats are far too cramped, and the bathrooms are worse. The flight experience produces physical reactions closer to a hangover than sexual arousal, and anyone who thinks that mutual sexual gratification can take place under such circumstances probably spends too much time reading Penthouse Forum than this blog [sic].

And Forum's more credible than that blog too.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Beltway Incest At Its Finest

I've tried to post comments a (very) few times on The Huffington Post, but they've never appeared. Perhaps someone thinks I'm trying to pass myself off as O.J.'s benefactor over at the FOX Network. It certain isn't for quality control reasons.

Anyway, here's a rough attempt at recreating (and expanding upon) my aborted comment in response to this Steve Clemons post:

"John McCain and Joseph Lieberman are also both attracted to Marshall Wittman because of his work and thinking about a 'new campaign of national greatness.'" A new campaign of national greatness? The voters must be wetting themselves over that! Those running on an old platform of national shittiness don't stand a chance.

What exactly has Wittmann the Giant ever acheived in his legendary career, apart from self-promotion? Because I don't see anything about that in your post, or in the New York Times article. You seem to think that he has the skills to bamboozle (or seduce) "many pundits," but there's already a surplus of chuzzlewits who guzzle the Maverick/Holy Joe Drano without Wittmann's assistance.
The man is so impressive that you can't manage to spell him name correctly once.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Bullshit In The Halls Of Congress

Time for a blogger ethics panel, according to the Hartford Courant:

"There is no better person to take the helm during this new time in my Senate career than Marshall [Wittmann]," Lieberman said Tuesday. "Marshall has been a trusted outside advisor to me for some time now and I'm glad he will be bring his experience and wisdom to my staff. Those qualities, along with his independence and diverse background, make him the ideal captain of my new Senate Communications team."

I certainly don't recall Ralph Reed's own Little Dick Morris disclosing that he was servicing Holy Joe whilst blogging smears against Ned Lamont. Not to mention that the Bullshitter was advising a de facto Republican while claiming to blog for the DLC. (Someone should archive the Bullshitter's blog before it disappears, because Holy Joe has just endorsed every slander against Democrats found on that site.)

The Courant story also notes, with no evident sarcasm intended, that Fathead Wittmann previously worked "as communications director for McCain, the maverick Republican who is now unofficially pursuing a 2008 presidential bid."

Monday, November 20, 2006

Anyone Have Any Idea Who Hic!hens Is Talking About?

Somebody get Chris Hitch a proofreader:

We shall no doubt have to accept whatever the publishing industry decides to shovel over us, and to that extent get a small idea of what it is to be a member of the Coleman and Goodman families.

Friday, November 17, 2006

"The Moose may re-emerge at any moment in a new venue."

Where will the Bullshit Moose turn up next?

As chair of Ralph Reed's legal defense fund?

A cross-country trip selling McCain/Lieberman '08 t-shirts out of the back of a panel van?

Chairman of the DLC?

My money's on senior editor at The New Republic, where he'll be assigned to spellcheck Marty Peretz's blog.

Rehab's also a possibility; Iraq and Iran are not.

The Reverend Falwell Would Agree, If Only Medved Wasn't The Anti-Christ

Over at, Michael "The Oil Companies Are Anti-Semitic" Medved catches Homowood trying to cram gay down his protesting throat once again. When will those radical sodomites stop torturing Mikey's tender tonsils?

As in so many other recent films, there's a subtext that appears to plead for endorsement of gay identity. Mumbles (the voice of Elijah Wood) displeases his parents and the leaders of his community because he's born different, and makes an impassioned plea that he can't possibly change -- and they should accept him as he is.

This from a man who worships fundamentalist spank films.

And you've got to wonder about Medved's attempted play on the film's title: "Crappy Feet." Sounds like Mike's a closet corpophile.

Battlestar's On, Just Leave Me Alone And Write Twenty Pages Comparing Howard Dean to Mussolini

The Pantload is finally about to commence work on his first coloring book, I Heart Hitler:

Help Wanted [Jonah Goldberg]

I'm gonna need a meticulous, smart, diligent intern/assistant type to help me with the house-cleaning on my manuscript. In particular, I need someone to help get my copious footnotes and the like in order. There will also be some serious research-related stuff to do as we head into galley mode. It would be best if he or she -- or conceivably it -- went to school or worked in the DC area so we could meet from time to time. I haven't thought through the money question, but you can be assured it won't be lavish. But what's filthy lucre compared to a glowing mention in the acknowledgements and my eternal gratitude? Anyway, anybody interested in said gig should send an email with appropriate info (resume, experience, dancing ability etc) to
Translation: Is there anyone who can substantiate any of the shit I made up and read my handwriting? I already spent the advance on Ring Dings and Dexatrim, and if I miss my publisher's deadline again even Judith Regan won't do business with me.

I'm not kidding. The expected publication date of I Heart Hitler has been pushed back from March 20, 2007 to September 11, 2007. (An aniversary tie-in. How tasteful.) The Pantload's publisher was already pimping the slender tome as an all-but-finished product 13 months ago, in October 2005. Most of the folks who pre-ordered this pile have died of old age or stupidity by now.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Friedman Proves Keynes' Theory

Well, at least he avoided another one of those NR cruises.

Ahhhhhhhhhh Waaaaaaaaaaaaa Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Voooooooooooo

Bush's selection of Memo Mel Martinez to head the RNC is a brilliant stroke. A series of hard-hitting ads featuring Bobby Schindler will ensure that the Republicans recapture Congress in '08.

And Michael Steele can always find some sort of position in the aptly-titled Senate Minority Whip Trent Lott's office.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Hanging Chad

That's what you do with terrorists, right?

A long time ago, somewhere on the internet, I referred to Timmy McVeigh as a Freeper with follow-through. According to reports, we now have Malk-Hata's Number 2 man in federal custody.

According to an FBI affidavit obtained by Radar, Chad Conrad Castagana, who was arrested Monday on suspicion of sending powder-filled envelopes to Keith Olbermann, Jon Stewart, Sumner Redstone, David Letterman, Pelosi, and New York Senator Charles Schumer, purchased a $15 money order made out to "Friends of Katherine Harris" last September at a Woodland Hills, Calif., post office while he was picking up the envelopes and stamps he employed to terrorize the liberal elite.

So hanging Chad would be an execution and a tribute to Katherine Harris, all in one.

Other reports suggest that Chad, aged 39, unemployed and still living in his parents' basement, is a poster to rightwing blogs and an enthusiastic fan of Michelle Malkin. (These things practically write themselves.) The FBI and Department of Homeland Security might want to check out Chad's e-mail and buddy lists while they're searching his computer. Of course, there's no conclusive evidence that Malkin gave financial support to Castagana or helped him come up with his more clever anti-Semetic slurs, but then again there was no evidence that Chaplain James Yee passed information to Muslim prisoners of war or that Joel Henry Hinrichs was a Muslim, so you never know.

It's good to see progress in the war on terror. Of course, Chad is innocent until proven guilty through a confession obtained by waterboarding, preferably performed by our Egyptian allies.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Cut and Rum

So Don Rummy gets to go home to one of his villas in Chicago, Taos, Santa Fe, Santo Domingo and/or Las Vegas, having ensured that his old pal Saddam no longer has more palaces than he does. Meanwhile, 2,800 Americans have returned home to slightly less spacious accomodations, having predeceased Bush's belated interest in "thoughtful conversations" and "new, fresh ideas."

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Blog Party Of One

So far, I think things have gone nearly as well as could be expected.

Race hustler Michael Steele was crushed like a rancid Hydrox. Mike DeWine and Ken Blackwell got their asses kicked. Chris Chocola got privatized. J.D. Hayworth's bloated red face turned purple, then blue. God told Katherine Harris to go fuck herself. Carol Sherwood will get to spend more time with her husband. Curt Weldon has plenty free time to consult with his defense team and psychiatric professionals. And the remains of Rick Santorum's career were passed around by the Santorum children and then buried in the back yard of that Pennsylvania home they never use.

That lying little putz Dicky Pombo may lose too.

Brit Hume looked like he was going to cry, and not just when Michelle "Bugs" Malkin read her third grade book report to him.

The only major Republican win so far was in Connecticut.

The Predator and Steve Poizner won in California, unsurprisingly, but it looks like parental notification will lose.

Best of all, Chinless Ken Mehlman has no credibility left, and neither do any of these simpering jackasses.

Let the games begin.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Why This Blog Continues to Suck

I'd hoped to do some extensive blogging tomorrow night as the election results came in, but I'll be watching them away from my computer.

Just make random, sarcastic remarks every time a CNN or MSNBC head says something asinine, and a vicious sarcastic remark every time a Republican loses his or her seat, and you'll be too busy to notice I'm gone. (CNN looks especially promising, offering the mad opining skillz of Bill Bennett, J.C. Watts and Torie Clarke.)

And remember, if you don't vote, you can still complain. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

But I'm voting.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Success Has A Thousand Fathers, Failure Just Has These Bastards

Having grown bored of dead Iraqis and American soldiers, various neocon guttersnipers have now morphed into a circular firing squad.

Here's Ahmed Chalabi, from the summary of an interview published in the Iraq National Congress' house organ:

What about the WMD propaganda? Chalabi counters views that he was the catalyst, saying that it was Bush officials who "came to us and asked, 'Can you help us find something on Saddam?'"

Sounds like a rhetorical question.

[Chalabi] also claims that he warned the Bush people that various Iraqi informants were unreliable, only to hear the Americans say, referring to the source, "This guy is the mother lode." Chalabi, of all people asks, "Can you believe that on such a basis the United States would go to war?"

Why, if we planted it in the New York Times, it must be true.

Meanwhile, in the forthcoming Vanity Fair, various gasbags of the quagmire insist the flatuence originated elsewhere.

Richard Perle says he was only a cheerleader, not the quarterback.

"I was in favor of bringing down Saddam. Nobody said, 'Go design the campaign to do that.' I had no responsibility for that."

David Frum admits The Right Man was a fraud of Conrad Blackian proportions (let them share the same cell):

"I always believed as a speechwriter that if you could persuade the president to commit himself to certain words, he would feel himself committed to the ideas that underlay those words. And the big shock to me has been that although the president said the words, he just did not absorb the ideas. And that is the root of, maybe, everything."

We'll put David down in the "stupid" column.

Meanwhile, Michael Ledeen blames the bitches:

"Ask yourself who the most powerful people in the White House are. They are women who are in love with the president: Laura [Bush], Condi, Harriet Miers, and Karen Hughes."

Iraq is a debacle 'cause Bush is pussywhipped. (If only he'd listened to Dick Cheney and Karl Rove!) Spoken like a true Pajamas Median.

Meanwhile, Vanity Fair's own colonialist, Chris Hitchens, was unavailable for consciousness.

Things To Do in Denver When You're Ted

Now it can be revealed! Ted "Art" Haggard is a victim of the War Against Christmas:

The Rev. Ted Haggard denied the allegation that the two men met for sex as often as every month for the last three years. But he did say that he had gone to the prostitute's Denver apartment for a massage and later called him more than once to buy meth -- a drug thought to heighten sexual sensation.


The man Haggard met in Denver, Mike Jones, has advertised as a male escort in gay magazines. His website promises massages "with the pleasure of the man in mind" and includes photos of his bodybuilder physique -- including one where he's nude except for a Santa hat. Haggard said he was referred to Jones for a massage by a Denver hotel.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

But unlike Ted, Christmas comes only once a year.

Update: CNN and others report that the "board of overseers" at Father Ted's parish have let the door hit Ted on the ass on his way out. Apparently, they either think Ted's been lying to them, or they think getting a massage is sex. This is Father Dougal Parsley's big break.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Moral Haggard, Or, Notes On Jesus Camp

What is it with these movie stars and their decadent lifestyles?

Levi, Rachel and Tory are seen [in the movie Jesus Camp] at home, a bowling alley, going to camp and then crisscrossing the country from an Evangelical church headed by Ted Haggard in Colorado Springs, Colo., to praying outside a Kansas abortion clinic and finally protesting abortion with red tape with "life" written on it over their mouths, as they pray outside the U.S. Supreme Court in Washington, D.C.


In the documentary, Haggard, who heads the National Association of Evangelicals, brags that children are fueling a boom in his churches and that evangelicals would hold a lot of control in U.S. politics.

Evangelical Christians are estimated to number 75 million in the United States. It's estimated 25 million Evangelicals voted in the 2004 presidential election with 80 percent voting Republican.

"There's a new church like this every two days," Haggard boasts in "Jesus Camp." "It's got enough growth to essentially sway every election. If the Evangelicals vote, they determine the election."

Unless they're too busy banging escorts, that is.

Late Breaking News: Haggard has "confessed" something to "Big Rod" Parsley, while James Dobson, Focus on the Family's Top, remains the queen of denial.

Bobby Burchfield, Enemy of the First Amendment

By now, you've probably read that incumbent Rep. Don Sherwood (R-PA) paid Cynthia Ore half a million dollars for not strangling her.

Hardly a fiscal conservative. Or a tort reformer.

A Republican congressman accused of abusing his ex-mistress agreed to pay her about $500,000 in a settlement last year that contained a powerful incentive for her to keep quiet until after Election Day, a person familiar with the terms of the deal told The Associated Press.

Rep. Don Sherwood is locked in a tight re-election race against a Democratic opponent who has seized on the four-term congressman's relationship with the woman. While Sherwood acknowledged the woman was his mistress, he denied abusing her and said that he had settled her $5.5 million lawsuit on confidential terms.

The settlement, reached in November 2005, called for Cynthia Ore to be paid in installments, according to a person who spoke on condition of anonymity because the deal is confidential. She has received less than half the money so far, and will not get the rest until after the Nov. 7 election, the person said Thursday.

More interesting than the typical Republican lo-lifery of Sherwood is the work of his shyster:

Even before Ore settled, the congressman tried to keep a tight lid on the case. His lawyer asked a judge to prohibit disclosure of materials from the case, warning that Sherwood's opponents might try to use the information to harm him politically.

The lawyer, Bobby Burchfield, was especially adamant that any videotaped deposition of Sherwood not be released, saying the footage could be used against him in negative political ads.

Yes, Bobby Burchfield, the same high-billing hack who spouted platitudes in The Weekly Standard about how free speech in political campaigns is "the oxygen of democracy." Seems Bobby has the same grasp on democracy that Representative Sherwood had on Ms. Ore's windpipe.

Monday, October 30, 2006

The Shame of Berkeley

In the New York Times, Michiko Kakutani paints accurate portrait of John "Screw" Yoo, the intellectual lightweight who sits, steaming, on the seat cushion of the Edwin Meese Chair for Unconsitutional Studies at the University of California, Berkeley, Boalt Hall School of Law:

One of his favorite tactics in this book is to create a ridiculous caricature of administration critics' views and then dismiss them. For instance, he writes: "A Geneva Convention POW camp is supposed to look like the World War II camps seen in movies like 'Stalag 17' or 'The Great Escape.' But because Gitmo does not look like this, critics automatically declare that detainees' human rights are being violated."

Uh, that's Ronnie Reagan who confused World War II camps with the movies, not the Administration's critics.

Instead, he has written a book that reads like a combination of White House talking points and a partisan brief on presidential prerogatives -- a book that is strewn with preposterous assertions, contorted reasoning and illogical conclusions. He writes that "because of our aggressive policies post 9/11, al Qaeda is no longer the threat it was." He suggests that might makes right: "At this moment in world history the United States' conduct should bear the most weight in defining the customs of war. Our defense budget is greater than the defense spending of the next fifteen nations combined."

And that's been working so well, too.

Maybe Berkeley can save its next professorships for Mark Levin and Larry Klayman.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Insurance Is Not Pie

The worst non-negative campaign commercial of 2006 belongs to Cruz Bustamante, California Democrat. The following is a close paraphrase of Bustamante's voiceover.


"I was really fat. (Photo of fat Bustamante) I made a promise to my family that I would lose weight. And I lost 70 pounds. (Photo of less fat Bustamante) I always keep my promises. And I promise if I am elected Insurance Commissioner, I will lower your insurance rates."

The spot is much worse than Diane Feinstein's ad with her granddaughter, a victory lap waste of money, since Feinstein's unbeatable. And it's worse than Phil Angelides' "Let Your Love Flow" ad for 100 Mellow Gold Hits. Only the "About Time For 89" rap is a close contender.

If Hollywood is so friggin' liberal, why can't any California Democrat come up with a decent political commercial?

A political campaign highlighting the pol's history as a former fatty isn't going to work for Mike Huckabee, and it's not going to work for Bustamante. I couldn't vote for Bustamante's opponent, anti-consumer phony Steve Poizner, who appears to have a television ad budget ten times Bustamante's. But Bustamante's defeat seems inevitable if the best he can do is talk about his weight.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Charlie Rose: Always Low-Priced

Despite the widely-held belief that I hate everything and everyone, I'm really a nice person. Having said that, Charlie Rose has always rubbed me the wrong way. Like the rest of public broadcasting, Rose is sucking up to one of his country's worst employers, Wal-Mart:

Now, less than three months later, Mr. Rose is honoring [Wal-Mart CEO H. Lee] Scott for his work on behalf of the environment at a private dinner party tonight in Manhattan, paid for by Bob and Harvey Weinstein's production company, the Weinstein Company. Mr. Rose's name appeared as a host, alongside that of Bob Wright, chief executive of NBC Universal; James L. Dolan, chief executive of Cablevision Systems; and a dozen other prominent figures from the New York media and financial industries.

Being honored by Bob Wright for your impact on the environment is like being honored by Pol Pot at the Zero Population Growth Banquet.

Rose's defense of his conduct is one worthy of his fellow ethicist, Pete Rose:

Mr. Rose agreed to be a dinner host, he said, because "Harvey Weinstein, who is a friend of mine, called and asked me to do this as a favor. I said I would do it for him as long as I do not have to do anything."

Here's hoping Harvey will ask Rose to stop doing his show.

Monday, October 23, 2006

You Can't Make This Shit Up

On the local NBC news at 11, they promoed an interview of Bush by Maria Bartiromo. In it, the anchor claimed, Bush said that he never used e-mail because of privacy concerns.

Anyone think that Bartiromo asked a follow-up?

Update (10/24): Dan Froomkin has the quote, which is a little different than the anchor's paraphrase. Bush doesn't use e-mail because of "the different record requests that can happen to a president." Too lazy to delete and shred, like his daddy done. Lawful process bad; unlawful process good.

Froomkin also links to the Google satellite image of Bush's Playskool Ranch, so we can still back and wait for the jihad of the deranged and undermedicated to commence in 3, 2 ....

Grand Old Police Blotter: The Skilling Kind Edition

Convicted Bush supporter Jeffrey K. Skilling has just become the dumbest guy in the cell. United States District Judge Simeon Lake today sentenced the unrepenitent Republican to 24 years in the penitentiary for securities fraud and conspiracy:

The judge's sentence fell within the 2000 federal sentencing guidelines. Judge Lake rejected the government's call to use stricter 2001 guidelines. But he found several reasons to increase Mr. Skilling's sentence into a range of 292 months to 365 months, or 24 years and 4 months to 30 years and 5 months.

The higher sentence, the judge said, was because he found that Mr. Skilling had lied to the Securities and Exchange Commission about the real reasons for his sales of Enron stock before the company's collapse in December 2001. Mr. Skilling said he sold the stock only because of the impact on the market of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

So 9/11 didn't change everything.

It's a shame Jeff didn't apply his considerable talents where they would have been appreciated -- for the Coalition Provisional Authority.

See you in 2030, Jeff.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Now That's What I Call Eclectic

At Roger Ailes, we pride ourselves on the breadth of our interests. Of the past 100 incoming links recorded by HaloScan Site Meter, web surfers have found Roger Ailes through the following searches:

Philip Bloom GBG Logistics

Dennis Prager and male privilege

gay male toe sucking (safe search on)

mailing address for Nancy Grace

Condi Rice speaks in Houston on Pearl Harbor type event

hookers Houston

Miles and Ailes (sic - aisles) of sexism

Rationale for Captain Underpants

Michael Reagan's military service (sic)
What other liberal blog can claim Neil Bush, Dick Morris and L. Brent Bozell III as readers?

(Idea inspired by James Capozzola.)

Jesus, That's Some Stupid Shit!

In The New Republic, tireless God-botherer Amy Sullivan tries to save the souls of us pagan babies on the left. Her article is titled, "It's Hard To Believe, But Bush Does Disdain Evangelicals."

In a world where Amy Sullivan's opinion is thought to have value, there's nothing that's hard to believe. And Sullivan's article isn't actually about how Bush disdains evangelicals, it's about how liberals are godless intolerant paranoids who suck.

Sullivan takes as her text the Gospel According to David Kuo. First, Sullivan tries to school the Biblical illterates she imagines read the godless TNR:

[Conservatives] charged the traitor, former Deputy Director of the Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives David Kuo, with timing the book to do maximum damage in the midterm elections, and they compared him to Judas Iscariot, the disciple who betrayed Jesus. "What David Kuo is saying about the President and his efforts," said David Contreras, Texas director of the Council on Faith in Action, "is nothing more than a cynical attempt to sell books and line his pockets with 30 pieces of silver [a reference to the payment Judas received for turning Jesus over to the Pharisees.]"
Yes, but who is this "Jesus" of which you speak? Slow down, I can't keep up.

The reaction [to the book] from the left has been, to put it mildly, slightly less vigorous. It is in stark contrast to the way in which liberal commentators and bloggers embraced other revelations, such as former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill's memoir or the latest Bob Woodward book. This time, the responses have ranged from total silence to yawns to fears that the book could backfire on the Democratic Party. In general, most liberals have chosen to distance themselves from Kuo and his case.

Or perhaps the contrast could be explained by the fact that O'Neill's book had important revelations, such as confirmation that Bush planned to invade Iraq nearly 10 months before September 11, 2001, whereas Kuo is just whining about the lack of Administration pork for his special interest group. (As for liberal bloggers' reaction to Booby's latest book, the take I saw most was that Woodward was the last dolt in D.C. to realize -- or grudgingly admit -- the War President's incompetence.)

Why don't liberals care about Kuo as much as Sullivan thinks they should?

This could just be smart politics. After all, Republicans are in such a free-fall at the moment that it might be best for liberals to stay out of the way and let conservatives fling recriminations at each other, as has largely been the case with the Mark Foley scandal. But something else is at play, too. Despite the evidence Kuo presents in Tempting Faith, liberals simply don't believe him. They've spent so much time fear-mongering about American theocracy that a book illustrating the opposite simply makes no sense to them. In fact, the real revelation of Kuo's book is not that the Bushies don't care about evangelicals; it's that liberals are too wedded to their views to capitalize on it.

But there's no inconsistency in holding simultaneously the beliefs that the Bush Administration wants to impose Christian-right beliefs upon the citizenry (through judicial appointments, use of taxes for religious purposes, and the like) and that those in the Administration believe themselves exempt from the laws of God necessary to keep the filthy heathens docile.

Sullivan then goes on to a cherry-pick sample liberal reaction to the book. Or something. First, she goes off on a tangent and bashes Lawrence O'Donnell for characterizing as "insane" the fundie philosophy that all Jews are going to hell. It really rankles her that O'Donnell would piss on one of her most cherished beliefs.

Then, returning to the subject, she writes:

In the blogosphere, the liberal reaction was a bit more temperate than O'Donnell's theological attack, but no more strategically smart. Kuo's book should have prompted the left to think about how to exploit tensions in the GOP or even to reach out to disaffected evangelicals. Instead, the major liberal blogs--after a brief "what's this?" look last week when the "nuts" revelations surfaced--have ignored the story. Street Prophets, a Daily Kos-affiliated site has paid attention, but only to criticize Kuo as naive about politics and wasting his time on old news. Even a website for religious Democrats sniffed that Kuo's allegations were "not particularly newsworthy." Meanwhile, one prominent liberal blogger sent an e-mail warning others that Kuo's book was "total horseshit" and not good news for liberals.

D'oh! We liberals and Dems missed the perfect opportunity to expand our base by supporting the criminalization of sodomy and abortion and the eternal damnation of Marty Peretz.

The problem is that Kuo's book creates cognitive dissonance for liberals. Conspiracy theories about theocracy have haunted liberals for the last few years, and, if you believe that religious conservatives lead Bush around by the nose, evidence to the contrary is impossible to absorb. Everyone on the left "knows" that the faith-based initiative is a slush-fund, a jackpot for religious conservatives. If it turns out instead to be a political sham that produced only 1 percent of the new funds it promised for faith-based organizations, liberals need rethink their theocracy-phobia.

Come on, Sullivan. You're not even trying now. The issue isn't whether the Administration gave the fundies every dollar they wanted, it's that they gave them anything at all. Their motive for doing so -- pure or corrupt -- doesn't matter. Either way, that is theocracy. And the left can't make a counteroffer, or enter into a bidding war for the fundies' favor, without abandoning the core principles which makes it the left.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Am I innumerate or is something wrong with this paragraph?

At a diabetes conference in June, Merck said Januvia lowered blood sugar levels by 0.67 percent in a yearlong trial, or just as much as another, older drug, glipizide. Roughly two-thirds of patients reached the ADA's 7 percent goal.

A Man, A Plan, An Anal Canal: Peretz

When is a plan not a plan? When Marty Peretz starts guzzling the Bush Administration Kool-Aid.

Peretz on the Connecticut Senate debate:

But it [the New York Times] did cite Lamont as saying that Lieberman was a "career politician" -- which in my view means a successful and achieving politician -- "who has no plan for withdrawing American troops from Iraq."

Now, which of the Democratic potentates who Lamont has been toting around the state has such a plan? Hilary [sic] Clinton? Bill Clinton? Does Lamont think that saying he favors a time-certain for American withdrawal is actually such a plan? It is not. And what, by the way, would come after? Perhaps we should ask John Kerry.

So the plan to remove of U.S. troops from Iraq by a date certain is not a plan for withdrawing American troops from Iraq. Is there a force field around Iraq which prevents soldiers from departing? Or is Peretz, a career asshole, just a functional illiterate?

And what does Marty consider a plan? Standing down when the Iraqis stand up? Letting the troops die in Iraq, and not replacing them? Withdrawing the troops is the only plan that could be implemented successfully by the Chucklehead in Chief.

As for what comes after, Marty and his neoclown pals should have asked themselves that before they howled for the deaths of hundreds of thousands in an unjustified war of agression.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Thugs For Rethuglicans

Oreo cookie fabulist Lt. Governor Michael Steele (R-MD) has found the ideal spokesperson for the Republican agenda: Convicted rapist and failed cannibal Mike Tyson:

At the press conference, Tyson posed for photos with fans, signed autographs and campaigned for Maryland U.S. Senate candidate Michael Steele.

Tyson, wearing a white and blue Steele for U.S. Senate T-shirt, said he used to believe black Republicans were "sellouts." But Tyson said he changed his mind after researching the Maryland lieutenant governor.

"We have to open our eyes more," Tyson said, as he pointed to his T-shirt.

Even better, convicted killer Don King is also a Steele-belted Republican, appearing with the whiny race hustler at various campaign events.

Maybe Steele can heal the Tyson/King rift and have his criminal cronies kick Ben Cardin to death before the election.

(More here.)

Thursday, October 12, 2006

The Swift Is Not To The Race

Jon Swift, meatpacker and inventor of the Swift Boat, has a rundown of the top 10 House races to watch.

And look for a cameo by yours truly as an anal-retentive nit picker.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Grand Old Police Blotter: A Currin Affair Edition

It seems as if there's nearly a 100 percent correlation between working for Jesse Helms and criminality.

While I was on vacation this summer (it seems so long ago), Claude "The Fraud" Allen

pleaded guilty to theft on August 4, 2006. He shed tears during his sentencing hearing and apologized to his wife, family, and friends. Noting that Allen had been publicly humiliated by his arrest, and that he accepted responsibility for the crimes without trying to make excuses, the judge sentenced him to 18 months of "probation before judgment", which means that his record will be expunged of any crime if he completes his probation successfully.

But he'll always have a giant red and white target on his ass.

I love the excuse Clod's wife gave for her better half:

"In addition to the demanding household of four young children, we lived out of storage boxes in a friend's basement," Jannese Allen said. "Claude's 14-hour workdays became more demanding after the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina."
So Claude decided to do a little looting of his own. I guess I'm entitled to Allen's Mercedes, given all the medical appointments I've had to go to recently.

I came across Allen's guilty plea while reading about another criminal Helms protogee.

No, not Armstrong "Magic Fingers" Williams, the Bush Administration's other slapheaded whore.

It's spammin' Sammy Currin:

Former U.S. Attorney Sam Currin agreed Wednesday to plead guilty to federal charges that he conspired to launder $1.3 million that a computer spam artist made by inundating e-mail inboxes with stock-picking schemes.

Currin, 57, of Raleigh, used to be the one prosecuting federal crimes in Eastern North Carolina. Now he faces almost nine years in prison for his role in a scheme that prosecutors say netted him more than $240,000. Currin also plans to plead guilty to two counts of obstruction for failing to report $6,000 in income to the IRS and for lying to and failing to surrender documents to a federal grand jury, which was investigating another client's business merger.

Currin, who is well-known in conservative Republican circles, is a former protege of U.S. Sen. Jesse Helms. In 1981, he became Raleigh's top federal prosecutor, a post for which Helms nominated him. Currin held the job until 1987 and then went on to be a state Superior Court judge. In 1990, he left to run a law practice and become a state GOP leader.

As a state GOP leader, Currin's got all the right qualifications.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Doctor, It Hurts When I Do This

Sometimes it's very hard to stop doing something that's not good for you. Sometimes it's not:

"You can see where it would be easy for some people to blame gays for something that might bring down the party in Congress," said Brian Bennett, a gay Republican political consultant. He was a longtime chief of staff to former Representative Robert K. Dornan, Republican of California, who regularly referred to gays as Sodomites.


"You learn to compartmentalize really well," said one Republican strategist who, like many gay Republicans interviewed for this article, would speak only anonymously for fear of adversely affecting his career.

Mr. Fordham's history illustrates the potential tensions between private life and professional rhetoric. After leaving Mr. Foley's office in 2004, he worked as finance director for the campaign of Senator Mel Martinez, Republican of Florida. In that race, a Martinez campaign flier accused a political rival of favoring the "radical homosexual lobby" by supporting hate crimes legislation that included protections for gay men and lesbians.

One of the inevitable facts, said Mr. Bennett, the former Dornan aide, is that "there are just going to be some days when it's hard to be a gay Republican."

Sorry, Brian and anon., but I don't feel your pain.