Monday, December 31, 2007

And The 2007 John Lott Men Of The Year Award Goes To....

CHAPARRAL, N.M. (AP) -- Getting a tattoo can be a painful proposition, but usually it's just the needle you have to worry about. Two men trying to trace a loaded .357-caliber Magnum as a pattern for a tattoo accidentally shot themselves, the Otero County Sheriff's Department said Monday.

Robert Glasser and Joey Acosta, both 22, were treated at a hospital in El Paso, Texas, after the shooting Thursday evening in nearby Chaparral.

Authorities said Glasser was struck in the hand when the gun accidentally went off, and Acosta was hit in the left arm. Their injuries were not life-threatening, authorities said.

I'm only surprised they missed the testicles.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

The 2007 Roger Ailes Year In Review Quiz

Another year over, and one day closer to death, or something like that. But you can waste a little of the little time you've got left remembering the events of the previous twelve months that I somehow managed to remember as well.

Please use a number two pencil and show your work. There is no time limit, but I'll try to post the answers next Sunday.

From all of me at Roger Ailes, thank you for reading. I'll see you next year.

Part I -- Dr. Phil In The Blank

(One point for correctly completing the quote, one bonus point for identifying the speaker)

1. "I began when I was 15 or so and I have hunted those kinds of _________ since then. More than two times."

2. "_________, I want more iced tea."

3. "Rudy Giuliani, there's only three things he mentions in a sentence - a noun and a verb and _________ and I mean, there's nothing else."

4. "Well, Mandela's _________."

5. "I have neither the _________ nor _________ _________ to figure out who's right."

6. "I'm not 100 percent sure that Tim was the guy on which to test drive this authority, but know that getting him appointed was important to Harriet, _________, etc."

7. "Positioned them, I don't know. I don't know at the time. I'm a fairly _________ guy."

8. "In Iran, we don't have _________, like in your country."

9. "I was under the impression that that was a picture of a tiny little _________, and I thought it was you."

10. "Don't __________ _________, __________!"

Part II -- Who Said It?

(One point for each correct answer)

Note: All quotes are from 2007 newsmakers, but the quotes are not all from 2007.

1. "No raise money, no get bonus."

2. "We have a gun in one of our homes. It's not owned by me,it's owned by my son, but I've always considered it sort of mine."

3. "A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ."

4. "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."

5. "Brazil is a country, very eclectic in nature, you cannot look at anybody and say they are Brazilian. You have no idea."

6. "Given the inefficiencies of what D.C. laughingly calls the 'criminal justice system,' I think we can safely assume that 95 percentof the black males in that city are semi-criminal or entirely criminal."

7. "I built that border fence in San Diego."

8. "Thank God George W. Bush is our President."

9. "Hitler and his supporters were Satanists and homosexuals. That's just a true statement."

10. "I wanted to be sure that the White House was fully aware of what was to be disclosed so that it could take appropriate action."

11. "I'm in the private sector and for the first time in my life I'm earning money. You know that's sort of part of the Jewish tradition and I do not find anything wrong with that."

Bonus quote about a 2007 newsmaker (1 point extra credit): "Oh, shit! That kid? He's dumb as hell."

Part III -- Grand Old Police Blotter: The Year in Republicrime

(One point for each correct answer)

Match the wingnut with the criminal charges/conviction against him or her. Some of the distinctions are fine ones, but there is only one correct answer for each malefactor.

As always, the fact that a Republican isn't on this list only means he or she hasn't been caught yet. (Yes, that means you, Abu Gonzales.)

1. Bob Allen

2. I. Lewis Libby

3. George Ryan

4. Thomas Ravenel

5. Conrad Black

6. Larry Craig

7. David H. Brooks

8. Michael Flory

9. Jeff Neilsen

10. Brent Wilkes

11. Italia Federici

12. J. Stephen Griles

13. Bernard Kerik

14. Glenn Murphy, Jnr.

15. Kyle "Dusty" Foggo


a. committing lewd acts on minors

b. money laundering, bribery, wire fraud

c. perjury, obstruction of justice, lying to the FBI

d. solicitation of undercover police officer for prostitution

e. fraud, conspiracy, money laundering

f. conspiracy to possess cocaine, intent to distribute cocaine

g. insider trading, fraud and tax evasion

h. obstruction of justice/Senate investigation

i. disorderly conduct

j. felony sexual battery

k. conspiracy, tax fraud, making false statements to White House

l. fraud, obstruction of justice

m. racketeering conspiracy, mail fraud, lying to the FBI, obstructing the Internal Revenue Service and filing false tax returns

n. criminal deviate conduct

o. tax evasion, obstruction of justice

Part IV -- The Year In Right-Wing Sex

(One point for each correct answer)

Match the far right family man -- or Mickey Kaus -- with the object of his erection affection.


1. Reverend Gary Aldridge

2. Senator David Vitter

3. Representative Richard Curtis

4. Reverend Ted Haggard

5. Blogger John Hinderaker

6. Senator Larry Craig

7. Billionaire publisher Richard Mellon Scaife

8. State Senator Bob Allen

9. Blogger Mickey Kaus

10. Deputy Secretary of State Randall L. Tobias


a. Scary black men

b. Paid (female) escorts

c. Airport restrooms

d. Depends (on who you ask)

e. Meth, male prostitutes

f. Two wetsuits, rubberized male underwear, scuba diver's mask

g. He likes to watch

h. Corndogs

i. Adultery at Doug's Motel, $28 for three hours

j. Sex in pornographic bookstores while wearing red stockings and black sequined lingerie

Part V - Multiple Guess

(One point for each correct answer)

1. According to Dana Milbank of the Washington Post, disgraced former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales stated "I don't recall" or a variation thereof how many times when testilying before the Senate Judiciary Committee in April 2007 regarding corrupt firings by the Justice Department?

a. 17
b. 34
c. 54
d. 64
e. I don't remember

2. Vice President Al Gore won win which award in 2007:

a. The Nobel Peace Prize
b. The Academy Award
c. The Grammy
d. The Emmy
e. (a) and (d)
f. All of the above

3. The convicted criminal who served the most jail time in 2007 was:

a. Conrad Black
b. Paris Hilton
c. Kiefer Sutherland
d. "Scooter" Libby
e. Nicole Richie

4. Which of the following is not a quote from Liberal Fascism: I Heart Hitler, by Jonah Goldberg:

a. "The Jew is the white male of liberal fascism."
b. "The Nazis took food very, very seriously."
c. "Scott Lively and Kevin Abrams write in The Pink Swastika that 'the National Socialist revolution and the Nazi party were animated and dominated by militaristic homosexuals, pederasts, pornographers, and sadomasochists.'
d. "[Fascism] takes responsibility for all aspects of life, including our health and well-being, and seeks to impose uniformity of thought and action, whether by force or through regulation and social pressure."
e. "For at some point, it is necessary to throw down the gauntlet, to draw a line in the sand, to set a boundary, to cry at long last, 'Enough is enough.'"

5. Which of the following did George W. Bush not say in 2007:

a. "I want to thank General Alberto Gonzales for his dedication and service to the White House, and to me, and, most of all, to his party."
b. "I think that the Vice President is a person reflecting a half-glass-full mentality."
c. "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured."
d. "I would suggest moving back. I'm about to crank this sucker up."

6. Washington Post media reporter Howard Kurtz cited a blog with only one post as a "typical blog reaction" concerning which presidential candidate national politician, in order to call that candidate politician a bitch? (Note: As pointed out by the Ghost of Joe Liebling's Dog, in comments, Howie's target was Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. My post on this subject was the closest I came to "breaking" a story this year, and I can't even get it right. A free point for everyone, and 25 points for TGOJLD.)

a. Barack Obama
b. Hillary Clinton
c. Rudolph Giuliani
d. Fred Thompson
e. Ron Paul
f. Mike Gravel

7. Roger Ailes, the blogger, was linked to which public figure by the tabloids in 2007?

a. Rihanna
b. Nicolas Sarkozy
c. Kylie Minogue
d. Drew Peterson
e. Judith Nathan
f. None of the above.

8. Which of the following did Chris Matthews say in 2007?

a. Can you smell the English leather on [Fred Thompson], the Aqua Velva, the sort of mature man's shaving cream, or whatever, you know, after he shaved?
b. "[Willard Romney] looks like a million bucks. Everything is perfect. Everything about him is perfect...."
c. "John McCain, who goes his own way and is very much the maverick, as we know."
d. "[Hillary Clinton]'s usually standing in front of the camera, and she's clapping, like she's Chinese."
e. "Could you get a little closer to the camera? .... No, you're beautiful. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. You're a knockout."
f. All of the above.

9. Who said the following: "When I see the worsening degeneracy in our politicians, our media, our educators, and our intelligentsia, I can't help wondering if the day may yet come when the only thing that can save this country is a military coup."

a. John Derbyshire
b. Thomas Sowell
c. General David Petraeus
d. Pat Buchanan
e. Jonah Goldberg
f. Travis Bickle

10. According to conservative estimates, the cost of the Invasion of Iraq is:

a. More than 3,900 American soldiers killed
b. More than 28,000 American soldiers wounded
c. More than 80,000 Iraqi civilians killed
d. More than 474 billion dollars for American prosecution of the invasion
e. "A small price," according to Representative John Bohner (R-OH)
f. All of the above

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Why anyone is surprised, let alone outraged, by The New York Times' hiring of William Kristol is beyond me.

Commentary has John Podhoretz tied up for the forseeable future, the L.A. Times has a contract with Doughy P., and they couldn't get liability insurance to cover Ann Althouse. Kristol was their default. This is the paper that gave space to Bill Safliar for decades (and still does on occassion, including, I suspect, next Monday), gave Sam Tannenhaus the book review, employed and defended Judy Miller, and still employs John Tierney. Bill Keller is as much a liberal as Pat Buchanan's right nut (maybe less so, if you count Iraq). The paper wastes space with no-weights like MoDo and Gail Collins and deadenders like Friedman and Nick Kristof, who will die in their spaces (of self-satisfaction) long after I'm to old, blind or dead to care.

Nondiscriminatory wedding announcements for the well-connected and hip-hop reviews don't make a paper the liberal media.

Update: Nor does this shit.

Republican Family Values: The Old Sodomy Defense Edition

By now, news of a law and order Republican family man who commits adultery with a subordinate is just another "Dog Licks Balls" story. Here's the latest:

The issue took on immediate political dimensions on Thursday when Mr. Rosenthal, a 61-year-old Republican who has announced he will run for a third term [as Harris County, Texas District Attorney] next year, attacked the disclosure of the messages as "bare-knuckle politics."

The messages, which had been turned over to lawyers in the course of a federal civil rights lawsuit that alleges misconduct involving Harris County sheriff's deputies, contained Mr. Rosenthal's professions of love and longing for the woman, Kerry Stevens, with whom he has acknowledged having an affair during his first marriage.

In one message dated Aug. 10, Mr. Rosenthal wrote, "The very next time I see you I want to kiss you behind your right ear."

A day earlier, he had sent Ms. Stevens an e-mail message saying, "You own my heart whether you want or not."

What a dumbass. But the interesting part of the story involves the skanky old goat's attempts to squelch public disclosure of a public office's e-mails:

In that brief filed on Dec. 19, the Ibarra brothers’ lawyer, Lloyd E. Kelley, claimed that Mr. Rosenthal had deleted at least 2,500 e-mail messages after they should have been turned over to the court in the process of legal discovery after Nov. 16.

In his court papers, Mr. Rosenthal has claimed that his e-mail messages came under "zones of privacy" involving personal conduct recognized by the United States Supreme Court in Lawrence v. Texas, the 2003 case in which the court overturned the state's anti-sodomy law.

I'll bet that's the first and last time that cracker ever cites a right to privacy in his office's legal filings.

But Mr. Kelley's brief says that it was Mr. Rosenthal who appeared before the court to argue for Texas.

Heh. Cracker better hope the second wife isn't as big a death penalty enthusiast as he is.

Friday, December 28, 2007

You'd think a reviewer describing a "deliciously amusing" book, ostensibly written by an author of "witty intelligence," would manage to quote one amusing or witty sentence from the book in his review.

You'd be wrong.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Late Late Show

Coming next month: late night television programming will rival the output of Dennis Miller and Greg Gutfeld in terms of sheer crapitude. Not that Letterman and Conan are unfunny hacks (or right-wing hacks), but they'll be working without writers, won't be writing any material themselves and won't have much in the way of entertaining guests.

Despite going back to work amid a strike by the Writers Guild of America, the late-night hosts, all of whom are WGA members, have agreed to respect work rules set down by the union. That means, in essence, they can't write material that their striking writing staffs would have produced for them.


The shows are also likely to be missing another staple -- glamorous, big-name celebrities pushing their latest movies and TV shows. Members of the Screen Actors Guild have pledged solidarity with the writers and are likely to boycott the shows.


The best guess is that the shows will patch together guest lists comprising athletes, authors, pundits and the semi-famous. There will likely be more musical acts, and more talk than comedy.

The immediate future of late-night TV may be on display on the Carson Daly-hosted "Last Call" on NBC. Since returning Dec. 4, Daly, a non-WGA member, has booked reality-show contestants, NFL great Jerry Rice, mixed-martial arts fighter Jimmy Smith and model Karolina Kurkova on his half-hour program.

They could interview bloggers, I suppose, but the ones worth hearing from wouldn't cross the picket lines.

Not That Again

While cramming for the 2007 Roger Ailes Year-In-Review Quiz, take a break and enjoy the 2007 King William's College General Knowledge Paper (.pdf file). It doesn't have any Republicans shagging sheep, but it does reference "the corrupt, but charismatic Kurtz."

Monday, December 24, 2007

Happy Holidays From Your Pal, Roger

2000 miles
Is very far through the snow
I'll think of you
Wherever you go

He's gone
2000 miles
It's very far
The snow is falling down
Gets colder day by day
I miss you

I can hear people singing
It must be Christmastime
I hear people singing
It must be Christmastime

Saturday, December 22, 2007

The Rich You Will Always Have With You

Various and sundry wingnuts are up in arms that a low-income victim of Hurricane Katrina has what they claim "appear[s]" to be an "absolutely enormous flat screen television" in her subsidized apartment. This woman and her teevee, it seems, retroactively vindicate the concept of welfare queens that Ronnie Reagan so courageously advanced back in the day.

To date, I have not located these wingnuts' posts trumpeting proof of the corrupt CEO and the war profiteer, as evidenced by this article:

CENTRAL ISLIP, N.Y. (AP) -- The former head of the leading supplier of body armor to the U.S. military, facing federal charges in an alleged fraud scheme, may be freed after two months in jail but only under house arrest, a judge has ruled.

And instead of the usual bail posting, David H. Brooks must convince prosecutors that they have full control of his millions in assets so he cannot use them to flee, U.S. District Judge Joanna Seybert said Friday.

Prosecutors have accused the founder and former chief executive of DHB Industries Inc. of refusing to disclose the location of millions of dollars held overseas, including $4 million recently sent to spiritual leaders in the African nation of Senegal.

The spiritual leaders were paid to pray for Brooks' acquittal, according to testimony at a hearing Friday, but Assistant U.S. Attorney John Martin characterized the expenditures as "quasi-religious."

Brooks' attorney, Paul Shechtman, would say only that "no money was sent to Senegal to hide assets."


Prosecutors say he garnered more than $185 million by falsely inflating the value of the inventory of DHB's top product, a vest designed to withstand rifle fire and shrapnel, and then selling company stock after the doctored accounting boosted its price.

Imagine the big-ass teevee you could get for $185 million.

What sort of fellow is David "Non-Bobo" Brooks?

Brooks and Hatfield also are accused of failing to report more than $10 million in bonus payments to themselves and other DHB employees to the Internal Revenue Service.

Brooks also is accused of using DHB funds to buy or lease luxury vehicles for himself and family members, and to pay for vacations, jewelry, cosmetic surgery, country club bills and family celebrations.

Prosecutors say he threw lavish bar and bat mitzvahs for his children in which entertainers like Tom Petty, Aerosmith and the Eagles performed.

Brooks, who owns more than 100 horses and races them at harness tracks around the country, also used DHB funds for his private horse racing business, prosecutors said.

But that's not all!

Over the course of 2005, the Marines and Army recalled a total of 23,000 vests Рall of them produced by DHB -- after an investigation by the Marine Corps Times revealed that the vests had failed ballistics tests for stopping 9 mm bullets. The expos̩ showed that Pentagon officials had dismissed repeated warnings by inspectors. In one instance, army ballistics expert James MacKiewicz alerted higher-ups of "major quality assurance deficiencies" by DHB and recommended rejecting certain lots of vests and "disciplinary action against the contractor."

The military maintains that the recall was merely to calm fears stoked by the Marine Corps Times exposé -- fears they claim are unfounded because subsequent tests on a sample of the vests found nothing wrong. And while there were rumors that the Pentagon Inspector General's office might conduct an investigation into the faulty vest affair, to date there is no sign that one is underway. Instead, the Defense Department is focusing on alleged financial wrongdoing at DHB -- a matter further from their own hands.

I'd feel confident in body armor that passed one out of two sampling tests -- nothing in life is guaranteed! And Brooks seems like the sort who'd never put his own interests before others.

I doubt this news will cause the wingnuts to sign on to John Edwards' Two Americas campaign. But perhaps the fact that the Senegalese spiritual leaders on the receiving end of Brooks' generosity are "Muslim holy men" will cause the nuts to wake up and soil themselves.

Grosse Pointe Blankety-Blank

Shouldn't the criticism of Willard be coming from the right? Why would they support a man who brags about his family's ties to, according to one of the wingnutosphere's most respected and successful journalists, the husband of a known communist?

I'll bet Willard never marched with Alan Keyes in the Bud Billiken Day Parade.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Tucker Faye Carlson finds employment after MSNBC, at an appropriate outlet.


Tucker Carlson is an anchor on MSNBC.
Truer words never spoken.

Mitt Romney

He went varmint hunting with Medgar Evers.

He fought at Stonewall ... on the side of the N.Y.P.D.

He liberated the death camps with Ronald Reagan.

Mitt Romney, the Photoshop President.

Dumb Hucks

The geniuses at The Corner are wondering if the Reverend Huck is a Manchurian Candidate:

The reader was convinced that none other than Bill and Hill were Huckabee's ultimate backers. Given how divisive Huckabee is, how well they know know the passions of the Evangelical community (and deep anger there, if my inbox is any guide), and the magnitude of money in Bill's "library fund," well, it's as plausible an answer as any to "how the hell did this happen?"

It seems the doctors who performed all of Hillary's abortions and eradicated the distinguishing characteristic from the Clenis implanted a microchip in the Reverend when he went in for his latest round of liposuction.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Apparently, there's some sort of controversy brewing about unprotected teenage premarital sex resulting in conception.

I blame the G.O.P., for holding up Fred Thompson as a role model. At least Ron and Nancy Reagan waited until their 30s to engage in unprotected extramarital sex.

Libertarian Fascism: The Totalitarian Temptation From Pat Buchanan To Ron Paul

The sources for this are Kevin McCullough, the Little Green Genociders and actual Nazis, one of the biggest collections of dipshits you'll find in these United States. So who knows.* But they're accusing Ro Paul and his staffers of consorting with white racist groups with ties to Pat Buchanan, the late Sam Francis and Joe Sobran (who is either dead or alive; I can't be bothered). If Paul was serious candidate, this would definitely merit scrutiny. Since he's not, it just makes his supporters' efforts raise 6 million sound creepy.

* To be fair to Paul, McCullough claims that the white supremacists' alleged meeting place, a Thai restaurant, comped Paul for some meals. ("Looks like the eatery even comped Ron Paul's lunch as a campaign contribution.") What his link actually shows is that Paul's campaign paid the restaurant $314. (Look up the words "payee" and "disbursements," dude.) You don't get much dumber than our Kev.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


The Carpeting In A Six-Foot Radius of Mickey Kaus's Computer Is Pregnant With Kaus' Love Child

Blogger's landlord begins eviction proceedings, vows not to return security deposit.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

This must really roast Alan Keyes' chestnuts:

What Ron Paul Juggernaut?

The maverick Republican polls the same as Alan Keyes--3% nationally--in the latest Gallup poll.

Imagine the kind of salary Keyes would pay himself with the tens of millions raised by Ro Paul. Instead, Keyes' supporters barely manage to write subliterate columns for Keyes' website. Columns -- even those with super classy puns in their title -- won't run the washing machines at the Des Moines Budget 8, people.

Of The Year

In comments, nominate someone or something the (fill in superlative) Of The Year. The nomination doesn't have to relate to this blog or its usual subjects, nor does it have to mean anything to anyone but you. Just give some props where props are due.

To start things off, I nominate "open thread" as the Blocked Blogger's Friend of the Year.

The Outrage, It Burns

Or is that the stupidity?

A testosterone-deficient Harvard professor, a wingnut welfare queen and an aptly-named collegiate tosser express outrage at a false report that a Mormon virgin was beaten by pro-miscuous terrorists in the wilds of New Jersey:

Some students yesterday said they the incident would not intimidate them into silence.

"An assault on those who express their opinion hurts all of us who might want to express their views. If you have a problem with what I say, then come and get me," a sophomore who is a member of the Princeton College Republicans, Wyatt Yankus, wrote on a blog,

"It's a terrible incident, but it doesn't surprise me," a conservative author who has campaigned against a culture of left-wing conformity on college campuses, David Horowitz, said in an interview. "The left has now become the hate group."

A conservative professor at Harvard, Harvey Mansfield, said he is outraged. "I hope Princeton comes down on them like a ton of bricks, and by Princeton I mean either the university or the township or both," Mr. Mansfield said. "It should be easy for liberals to identify a case of intolerance; they're good at that."

Lord, what fools these moralists be. How gullible do you have to be to believe that an obscure college student would be kidnapped and beaten by leftists for advocating abstinence?* The skankofascist terorists would surely pick a higher-profile virgin, like Ben Shapiro, Don Surber or any Ron Paul supporter.

* Answer -- Brit Hume/Instacracker stupid.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Preaching To the Moron Tabernacle Choir

I saw (without paying much attention) this morning that Pumpkinhead was putting Willard Romney through his paces regarding his Mormon faith. The correct answer to all Father Tim's questions was "Sod off, you simpering Papist, and take your child-molesting priests with you." Unfortunately for Willard, he's pandered so much to the fundies, both Catholic and Protestant, that he couldn't go down that road.

Meanwhile, TID points out in comments that noted theologian Jack Chick has a more recent -- and meticulously footnoted -- comic book featuring Joseph Smith, who looks amazingly like Liberace.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

You Huck 'Em, We Chuck 'Em

Kevin Drum is mostly right with this analysis of why wingnut bloggers (the Powertools, most of the Idiot's Corner, etc.) hate the Far-Right Reverend Mike Huckabee. But he's slightly off.

The wingnuts don't worry that Huckabee takes the Bible literally, they worry that he might take literally the parts they don't like. They'd love to stone fornicators (unless they're fornicating themselves or the equivalent, jacking off to beauty pageants) and homosexuals, and put women in their place, just like Huck. But they worry that Jesus will tell Huck not to torture Muslims or piss on the poor, and that they just can't stomach. Assrocket, Instacracker and their crowds aren't "urban sophisticates" and they sure as hell aren't of any libertarian bent. (They also hate Ron Paul because he opposes their holy war.) They're know-nothing yahoos with law degrees and lust for the abuse of power.

Friday, December 14, 2007

For those of you on the edge of your seat: Yes, there will be a Roger's Year-In-Review Quiz for 2007.

Yes, it will come out in 2007.

No, it probably won't be better than any of the others.

Buy Me Some Arnolds and Smack and Crack

'Roids are all the rage:

Last night, BBC World News interviewed Bob Schiefer of CBS News about them.

John McCain was on ESPN's Mike and Mike show, talking about them.

Some baseball writer from USA Toady was on C-SPAN's Washington Journal, discussing a Congressional hearing on the topic, set for December 18.

My advice to Roger readers: Stay in school and don't do drugs. And watch out for users:

How can you tell if a friend is abusing steroids? Sometimes it's hard to tell. But there are signs you can look for. If your friend has one or more of the following warning signs, he or she may be abusing steroids:

For Guys:

Development of breasts

For Girls:

Growth of facial hair
Deepened voice
Breast reduction
Mickey Kaus and Hugh Hewitt -- J'accuse!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Your Questions About Mormonism Answered

Don't rely on an intellectual flyweight like Mike Huckabee. Let a real theologian explain the facts.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

You gotta hand it to Huckleberry Fred. What this country needs is a drawling cracker who won't take any guff from a respected and respectful professional woman.

"Ahh 'haint a-gonna raise mah hyand this tahhhme. Ah'm too presidenchul for them thar shenanigans. Ahh 'haint a-gonna answer yew. [expectorates]"

And to think he's been practicing those lines for two months now.

Huckleberry should be worried that Alan Keyes is going to split the inbred dimwit vote.

Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

Wingnut suicide watch, day two:

December 12, 2007 -- A Brooklyn man whose "Happy Hanukkah" greeting landed him in the hospital said he was saved from a gang of Jew-bashing goons aboard a packed Q train by a total stranger - a modest Muslim from Bangladesh.

Walter Adler was touched that Hassan Askari jumped to his aid while a group of thugs allegedly pummeled and taunted him and his three friends. So Adler has invited his new friend over to celebrate the Festival of Lights.

The two new pals - Adler, 23, with a broken nose and a fat lip, and Askari, 20, with two black eyes - broke bread together and laughed off the bruises the night after the fisticuffs.


But Askari, who is studying to be an accountant, shrugged off the praise.

"I just did what I had to do," he recalled. "My parents raised me that way."


"They just came at us so fast. The first thing that came into my mind was, 'Yeah, this is going to be violent,' " said Parsheva, 20.

One of the group immediately hiked up his sleeve to reveal a tattoo of Christ.

"He said, 'Happy Hanukkah, that's when the Jews killed Jesus,' " said Adler.

The group of about 14 men and women then allegedly began taunting Adler and his pals as "dirty Jews" and "Jew bitches."

Five against fourteen. I like those odds.

The alleged lead thug claims the Jews were "drunk and taunted his group, and one yelled, 'We killed Jesus.'"

The wingnuts will be trying to prove that CAIR hacked into the New York Post website. If they fail, they'll be reaching for the razorblades.

Kudos to Mr. Askari for his heroic efforts.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Astroturfin' All Over The World

Will James "Jimmy the Turf" Glassman still accept corporate payola while serving as Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy, with the rank of Ambassador? Or should I say Halliburton Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy, powered by Pfizer?

Will Jimmy still pretend to be a libertarian while sucking the public teat?

Is he being groomed for Ben Bernanke's job? Will Donny Lumpkin get Jimmy's highchair at AEI?

Conrad Black, Liar or Nazi Lover?

The National Post unwittingly reveals the truth about Lord Black of Cell Block H:

Before the judge handed down the sentence, Lord Black, 63, made a short statement. Speaking softly, he said he had never uttered a disrespectful word about the court, the prosecutors or the jurors. He went on to express "profound regret and sadness for the severe hardship inflicted on all of the shareholders."


Lead prosecutor Eric Sussman reminded the court that Lord Black had referred to government lawyers as "Nazis" during the trial.

The War on Hanukkah Begins

It starts out like an early Christmas present for the wingnut bloggers. The perfect attack vehicle for a favorite meme:

NEW YORK (AP) -- An attack on four subway riders during Hanukkah last week is being investigated as a possible hate crime, police and prosecutors said Tuesday.

Two men and two women were approached Friday night by another group who began yelling anti-Semitic remarks at them and assaulting them on a southbound train in Manhattan, police said. The victims had bruises and welts on their faces and heads, but were not hospitalized, police said.

Police caught up with the train in Brooklyn and arrested eight men and two women, ages 19 and 20. They were arraigned Saturday on charges of disorderly conduct, third-degree assault and menacing and second-degree riot and harassment, the Brooklyn district attorney's office said. The case was being handled by the office's civil rights bureau, and charges could be upgraded to a hate crime, prosecutors said Tuesday.

"Where is this coming from when young people are involved in this kind of behavior?" said State Assemblyman Dov Hikind, who represents Brooklyn. "You would think we've learned from the past. Something rotten is going on."

And here's where the wingnut mind starts racing. It's New York City! Why no mention of the attackers' race or religion!? They must be Muslims, or illegal immigrants at least! This will be a hit bonanza, if only I can beat the competition. I'll use my mad Google skillz, uncover the A.P.'s cover-up, and be a keyboard hero!

[Continuing directly] One of the men charged, Joseph Jirovec, 19, pleaded guilty last year to attempted robbery as a hate crime and was awaiting sentencing, prosecutors said. Jirovec, who is white, was part of a group that yelled racial epithets and assaulted two black teenagers in Brooklyn, prosecutors said.

Oh .... shit! I can't use that!

But wait, there's more:

Joseph Jirovec, 19 - the son of a city firefighter who has pleaded guilty to an earlier bias crime against African-Americans - said he didn't even know the group he clashed with was Jewish.

"We are not racist against Jewish people. That whole hate crime thing is ridiculous," the Brooklyn man said.

Jirovec and nine of his pals were busted on Friday after a fight on the Q train with four Hanukkah celebrants.

Cops said the troubles began when one of the assailants made anti-Semitic remarks about the Jews killing Jesus.

"This is a Christian country," one of the attacker [sic] said during the beating, according to a police source.


But Jirovec - who will begin serving a six-month sentence for his role in the 2005 bias attack against four black men in Gerritsen Beach - denied those claims.

"I'm trying to stay out of trouble," he said."I want to straighten out everything in my life. When I get out, I want to go into the military."

And the tiny tears flow down wingnut cheeks. Reality has stolen Christmas from them again!

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Out of Thick Head

In her inevitable and inevitably worthless Mitt v. J.F.K. column, MoDo approvingly quotes the following critique of the Catholic Church:

But he worries that "the Catholic Church, while more welcoming, is still not a place that grants women and blacks equal status, and it's a terrible place to be gay. The leadership is authoritarian, male, white and absolutely intolerant of dissent."

Of course she didn't write that. The Church in question is the L.D.S.

Dowd's whole schtick, as if you couldn't guess, is that Mitt's no J.F.K., that principled battler of prejudice. But Dowd, Russert and the rest of the Holy Foamin' Punditocracy never seem to mention how the Catholic Church is institutionally intolerant, reactionary and bigoted. (Oh, they'll mention the kiddie-diddling, if forced to, or if it gives them an excuse to puff on the Clenis.)

The Dowd crowd isn't really into God, though. They just like to wallow in the nostalgia of their re-imagined childhoods, delusionally elevate their parents to sainthood and sniff at the shortcomings of their social inferiors. That's close enough to heaven for them.

Ticket to Slide

On this a.m.'s Reliable Putzes, Howie Kurtz was working overtime to minimize the significance of the fairytales told by W. Thomas Smith in the electronic pages of National Review Online. Howie claimed that NRO was in the dark about Smith's fraud until HuffPo's Tom Edsall notified Kathyrn Lopez, when in fact other reporters had informed NRO of Smith's fraud many weeks earlier. (Lopez claims the dog ate everything that was ever sent to NRO.)

Even more laughable is NRO's purported investigation into Smith's writings, which reminds one of nothing so much as the Bush Administration's purported investigations into its own corrupt acts. Here's how Lopez describes NRO's "findings":

With regard to the post filed September 29 in which Smith claimed that 4,000-5,000 Hezbollah gunmen deployed to East Beirut in a "show of force": It appears that Smith was either confused about what he saw or misled by his sources -- probably some combination of both. Two of our independent sources agreed with Smith's critics that the event was unlikely, and one -- an editor who lives and works in Beirut -- flatly stated that it didn't happen.

Lopez, who claims to be an editor, then asserts "I don't think that Smith fabricated or falsified his reporting. But he should have been more clear about what exactly he saw with his own eyes, and he should have attributed any other information about the event to his sources (along with caveats about their credibility, if necessary.)"

"It appears," "either," "probably" and "don't think." Now that's thorough.

If Lopez was interested in the truth, she would have demanded that Smith identify his sources and would have spoken to those sources directly. In fact, Lopez claims she asked Smith to identify his sources. But she's silent on whether she attempted to contact the sources, whether the sources talked to her (or refused to talk to her) or whether the sources even exist. If Lopez was interested in the truth, she would have contacted the sources and reported exactly what they did and didn't tell her.

The story is such utter bullshit that Lopez couldn't find anyone to verify it, so she pretends that the veracity of Smith's belated cover story is irrelevant to the matter. Since there's no dispute that Smith's posts were false, the most important question is whether the blogger was a liar or the blogger was lied to. And Lopez thinks it's important too, or else she wouldn't bother to state "I don't think the Smith fabricated or falsified his reporting." But then she refuses to answer, or even investigate, that question.

Lopez's explanation is also worthless in that she refuses to identify NRO's three "independent sources." Do these people include the same source who told Lopez that all Arabs are filthy liars, or are they filthy lying Arabs themselves? Any why are they not named -- certainly the folks who revealed Smith's lies had no trouble attaching their names to verifiable facts.

In the second part of the "explanation," Lopez tries to turn a lie into the truth:

With regard to the post filed September 25 in which Smith claimed that a Hezbollah tent city near the Lebanese parliament was occupied by over 200 "heavily armed" militiamen: Smith's description falls within the bounds of what others told us about the camp, but he should have been more specific. Smith saw a few guns and, based on that and what he heard from others, he reported that the men in the camp were "heavily armed."

One of our independent sources told us that both Smith and his critics got it wrong: "In late September there were rarely more than a few dozen people in the tent city on any given day,' she said. 'It is thus unlikely that there were 200 people there when Smith passed by, let alone 200 'heavily-armed militiamen'."

But she also told us, "Mr. Smith's characterization of the tent city as a very real security threat positioned on the doorstep of both the parliament and the Serail [the prime minister's headquarters] is wholly legitimate. There may not be 200 people there now, but Hezbollah could mobilize a much larger number than that quite quickly, and... it is believed that there are weapons already on the premises.

Again, who are "others" Smith allegedly heard from -- and who are the "others" the magazine allegedly heard from? Lopez offers no evidence that Smith's sources, or NRO's sources, actually exist. The correspondents who revealed Smith's lies were happy to place their names to the facts, but Lopez refuses.

Lopez then tries to support Smith's lies by citing an anonymous source who, if she exists, may have the same credibility problems as Smith (or different ones).

NRO fired Smith to make the story go away, because they cannot honestly defend any part of Smith's writing. And it's enlisted allies like Howie Kurtz to bury the rotting corspes before any autopsy takes place.

Further, there are still lies that Lopez has not addressed. How about the one in which members of "the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps (here in Lebanon) attempted to kill Sayed and his family" by planting "a delayed acid-weapon on his car's undercarriage, which ate through the chassis and caused the vehicle to basically break in half while he was driving." And how about Smith's bogus claim that he was "the first American journalist" to visit a battle site that in fact visited by "almost every American journalist living in Beirut ... several times during and after the fighting." Why don't you examine those stories, K.Lo., and then tell us that Smith isn't a deliberate liar rather than a dupe.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Another Howell Movement

Little Debbie Howell has high standards for her employer's output: Accuracy is irrelevant, and smear jobs are okay if the editors claim they're not deliberate. And it's all the readers' fault anyway, for misconstruing the meaning of the piece and having unreasonable standards. Stupid, stupid readers. This never would have happened in the old days, when mainstream journalists were worshipped as gods ("This is the new world mainstream journalists live in," Howell opines).

But here's a telling quote:

"This [the wingnut rumors that Obama was a Muslim] was a legitimate subject for journalism explored by one of our most sophisticated political reporters," said Managing Editor Philip Bennett. "We should have been clearer about what it did and didn't say -- in the headline, through the display and in the body of the piece."

Isn't Bennett saying that the article was unclear and shouldn't have been published as written? Why, yes, he is.

A Conrad Black Christmas

An early Christmas card from The Dark Avenger reminded me that the day of reckoning is at hand for Lord Conrad Black. Fans of Lord Jeff Archer's three-volume Prison Diaries are no doubt hoping for Lord Black of Statesville to pen a similar tome of life in chokey:

Lord Black of Crossharbour, the disgraced media baron and former Daily Telegraph proprietor, is facing not only a prison sentence but a renewed legal onslaught by the US authorities that could financially ruin him.

Tomorrow the peer goes back to court in Chicago, where he was found guilty in July of fraud and obstruction of justice. Apart from a jail term, he is likely to have a multimillion-dollar fine imposed on him, but he also faces the resurrection of a civil lawsuit to claw back millions in ill-gotten gains that could leave him with nothing.

As part of the criminal case, prosecutors are already trying to seize the Palm Beach mansion where Black has been holed up with his wife, Barbara Amiel, for the past five months. The judge, Amy St Eve, will decide in the morning whether he should forfeit the property, which the US government alleges was renovated using cash stolen from the peer's stock market-listed company, Hollinger International. Prosecutors also want $8.5m (£4.2m) in proceeds from the sale of his New York apartment. The FBI seized the cheque before it was handed to Black.

Now, financial regulators are planning to come after the peer for more money they say he stole from his Hollinger International newspaper company, putting pressure on a fortune that has already been whittled down by legal fees. The civil lawsuit, filed by the Wall Street watchdog, the Securities and Exchange Commission, was frozen in 2005 when it became clear that the peer would be facing criminal charges.


Legal experts say Black is likely to be allowed a final Christmas with his family before being told to report to prison in the new year. Prosecutors will argue he should spend up to 24 years in jail, but a pre-sentence report suggested a term nearer to five years. The peer told Canadian TV this week that "prison would be a bore, but quite endurable".


Black will plead with the judge, Amy St Eve, to be allowed to serve his sentence in a minimum-security jail close to the Canadian border, to cushion the blow of swapping his life of luxury for a prison dormitory. While non-Americans are not usually allowed to serve their time in the lowest-security institutions, Black's lawyers say that the disgraced peer is neither planning to abscond nor likely to be a risk to the public.

Rather, he is planning to immerse himself in writing and his continuing legal fight, and a location close to Canada would allow easy visits not just from his family but also from his lawyers. A minimum-security jail would impose fewer restrictions on his movements and, unlike a low-security prison, it would have no armed perimeter patrols and possibly no fence at all.

For the fallen media baron, the change of lifestyle will be harsh. Whatever the security level of the prison, inmates are required to work at tasks such as washing windows or mopping floors.

Lady Amiel will plead with the judge to prohibit all conjugal visits, while David Frum will do the opposite.

Black has got to be disappointed that he was unable to score the celebrity endorsements penned by the Friends of Scooter Libby. Connie apparently was only able to score sentencing letters from such B-listers as a Canadian CEO, one of his domsestic staff, a wingnut priest and his family. Wingnut welfare doesn't buy much loyalty these days.

He Said No

Earlier, I wrote about the very low bar the right-wing media set for Willard Romney's "Come to Jesus" speech. Here are some lolights:

CBN's David Brody, who was at the speech, practically gives a standing [sic] O:

"Mitt Romney didn't just look like a president today. He sounded and behaved like one too . . .

"The line that stood out to me was the following--twenty words to be exact: 'Some believe that such a confession of my faith will sink my candidacy. If they are right, so be it.'

"You see, with that line, Mitt Romney became human. Whether you believe him or not isn't the point. The line comes off like someone who cares more about his principles and what he believes rather than the highest office in the land."

And here's Nooners, giving Willard another O:

He will not disavow his religion. "My faith is the faith of my fathers. I will be true to them and to my beliefs."

Bracingly: "Some believe that such a confession of my faith will sink my candidacy. If they are right, so be it."

There you have it. Romney appeared Presidential because he didn't give a speech disavowing his Mormon faith. In the twisted minds of Brody and Nooners, it was conceivable that Willard might have started his speech by declaring that he was born again and ended the speech with a full-immersion baptism performed by Joel Osteen. Thus, by refusing to adopt a moronic strategy which would have cost him every vote save Hugh Hewitt's, Willard showed that he is fully qualified for the highest office in the Nation.

P.S. to Nooners, Pornmumu, Pantload ans the rest wondering why Willard didn't mention atheists: He did, implicitly, in the part of the speech bashing "Old Europe" and its empty cathedrals. He didn't say anything good about them because he's sucking up to the fundies.


In an attempt to avoid further embarrassing revelations, National Review Online has shitcanned serial liar W. Tommy Smith:

Smith, in a statement published by NRO, wrote:

"This is my own decision. No one at NRO has asked me to do this, nor has anyone suggested or even hinted I should. But I believe this to be in the best interest of the publication which I have so much respect for. Both NRO and I have taken far too much heat for something which would never have happened had I been more specific in terms of detailing my sourcing while blogging about Lebanon at 'The Tank'. That is a responsibility I have to accept."

In addition to writing for NRO, Smith, a former Marine, is the director the Counterterrorism Research Center at the Family Security Foundation, and the executive editor of World Defense Review. He co-authored The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Intelligent Design.

Kathryn Lopez, both the stupidest and most dishonest person alive, claimed that Smith simply was "susceptible to spin" and averred, "I don't think that Smith fabricated or falsified his reporting."

My God. Smith is the Director of Counterterrorism Research at the Family Security Foundation and the Executive Editor of World Defense Review. Surely such an accomplished man in the fields of research and editing could not have been bamboozled by "sources who have incentive to exaggerate." It's inconceivable.

The most likely explanation is that Smith's resume is as a phony as his reporting and that Lopez willingly abdicated her responsibilities as an editor in order to push an anti-Arab party line. That explanation requires no willing suspension of disbelief.

War on Christmas: First Blood

Down in Florida, some of Glenn Reynolds' relatives celebrate the holidays in style:

A Winter Haven man was arrested late Thursday after he allegedly ran over his neighbor's Christmas decorations and then shot the neighbor, the Polk County Sheriff's Office reported.

Matthew P. Lankford, 25, of Country Walk Lane, faces one count of attempted murder in the shooting of Douglas Sheldon.

A Sheriff's Office report said Sheldon was parking his truck in his yard when he got in some type of an argument with Lankford's sister, Audra Lankford.

Audra Lankford was upset and called her brother. On his way home, the report said, Matthew Lankford drove through Sheldon's yard and ran over his Christmas decorations. It is rumored that a snowman was decapitated.

Sheldon then ran to Lankford's home, where an argument ensued between the men and several other people.

Witnesses told deputies Lankford got a 45-caliber handgun and shot Sheldon in the left arm and abdomen.

Robert Spencer and Pamela Oshry are demanding an investigation into whether the beheading was the work of an Al-Qaeda sleeper cell.

(More here, including comments by a pro-Lankford character witness.)

Update: I suspect this happened because Country Walk Lane was a "gun-free" zone.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Al-Qaeda In America

Tammy Bruce undertakes yet another desperate attempt to rescue herself from well-deserved obscurity and irrelevancy:

A series of six black and white prints on display in an unassuming corner of the New York public library have sparked controversy on the airwaves and blogosphere quite out of keeping with the dark, marble-lined corridor in which they are hung.

The prints show the mugshots, in the style of police arrest photographs, of main members of the Bush administration in the first few years of his presidency. There is President Bush himself, scowling into the camera, and a fierce, finger-pointing Dick Cheney.


Each of the "suspects" in Line Up, as the display is called, carry placards bearing a date. The artists, Nora Ligorano and Marshall Reese, have chosen the dates to refer to key speeches in which they believe the politicians incriminated themselves in front of the American people.

An audio tape runs beside the prints and plays the speeches as the prints come up in a slide show.


"What is disgusting about these doctored photos is the place of prominence the library has given them," one blogger wrote. "I am shocked and angry that a public library would stoop to this level."

Tammy Bruce, a rightwing radio talkshow host, said: "At first I wondered who put al-Qaida in charge of the New York public library, but then of course remembered the American left is doing their bidding for them."

If it wasn't for political speech in public libraries, Bruce's book sales would be zero. (In the stacks, as in real life, Bruce is just wasting space.)

(More on the al-Qaedan artists here.)

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Fluff In America

Most pundits set the bar so low that Willard could -- and did -- trip over it, but it's Hugh Hewitt who is most proudly wearing his Mitt Mustache:

Mitt Romney's "Faith in America" speech was simply magnificent, and anyone who denies it is not to be trusted as an analyst. On every level it was a masterpiece. The staging and Romney's delivery, the eclipse of all other candidates it caused, the domination of the news cycle just prior to the start of absentee voting in New Hampshire on Monday --for all these reasons and more it will be long discussed as a masterpiece of political maneuver.
My take: the speech was banal, Williard was wooden, and the whole point of the sham was to film Mitt saying "I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Savior of mankind." If that clip isn't being e-mailed to every Iowan and cut into a campaign commercial right now, Willard has already fired his campaign staff.

As for Baby Hughie, even the right is embarrassed by him: "[T]he the one person who cannot be trusted as an analyst these days is Hugh himself, who has taken his Romney boosting to surreal heights by posting press releases from the Romney campaign verbatim on his blog, constantly slagging every one of Romney's opponents, suggesting criticism of Romney on the right is rooted in anti-Mormon bigotry, declaring victory in every debate, and just generally being so in the tank for the guy that it's hard to take him seriously at all any more." Your problem, Beavis, was that you ever took Hugh seriously.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Re: Puke

Dan Bartlett, bushlemic, on right-wing blogs:

That's what I mean by influential. I mean, talk about a direct IV into the vein of your support. It's a very efficient way to communicate. They regurgitate exactly and put up on their blogs what you said to them. It is something that we've cultivated and have really tried to put quite a bit of focus on.

Special Ed Morrissey, Assrocket, Huge Fuckwitt, Instacracker and Michelle Merkin: the Administration's porcelain gods.

I'm proud to say that this blog has never regurigitated anyone's talking points. Not that anyone would bother sending me their talking points, but I owe my readers better than that.

(Link via Talking Points Memo.)

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Right Wing Ho, Jeeves

The Daily Express has found its equivalent of Joe Klein, in the form of a tosser named Paul Jeeves. Jeeves writes:

OVERWORKED nurses have been ordered to stop all medical work five times every day to move Muslim patients' beds so they face towards Mecca.

The lengthy procedure, which also includes providing fresh bathing water, is creating turmoil among overstretched staff on bustling NHS wards.

But despite the havoc, Mid- Yorkshire NHS Trust says the rule must be instigated whenever possible to ensure Muslim patients have "a more comfortable stay in hospital."

As if you couldn't guess, it turns out the story is nothing more than shite from a gobshite, designed to inflame religious bigotry in the dullwitted:

A number of media have today ran an entirely inaccurate story claiming that we have ordered staff to move Muslim patients' beds to face towards Mecca. This has stemmed from the above press release. We wanted to make sure that you understand the correct position and this story is completely untrue.

Tracey McErlain-Burns, our chief nurse and director of patient experience, said: "Our statement has been wrongly interpreted. The Muslim Moulana at Dewsbury and District Hospital is holding internal workshops for nurses to help develop their cultural understanding. Nurses are not being removed from their duties to move patients' beds towards Mecca. Moving patients' beds for prayer five times a day has not been suggested as part of this workshop and staff have not been ordered to do this."

Another load of crap certain to circulate among the wingnut bloggers who believe anything they're told.

"He Felt ... Dirty"

Bob Somerby has a great Howler about the contents of Howie Kurtz's book and the Putz's fluffing fan boy treatment of talking wigstand Brian Williams.

And don't miss James Wolcott's book review about book reviewing. I've taken copious notes in preparation for my in-depth analysis of Jonah Goldberg's January release, The Lucianne Monologues.

A Migrant On The Salmon House Lawn

Huge Fuckwitt is seeing his dream of being Willard Romney's own Abu Gonzales go up in smoke.

Here's the news:

At last week's Republican debate in St. Petersburg, Fla., Romney was quick to attack Rudy Giuliani for safeguarding illegal immigrants in New York City.

Yet early the next morning after the debate, illegal immigrants from Central America were in plain view on the lawn in front of Romney's salmon-colored mansion in Belmont. Chatting in Spanish, they hustled to rake massive clumps of leaves, dump them in barrels, and clear debris from his tennis court.

Their boss, Ricardo Saenz of Chelsea, was the same man who for a decade brought illegal immigrants and others to work for Romney, whom he had met through their shared Mormon faith. A year ago, a Globe article revealed that illegal immigrants landscaped Romney's 2.5-acre property.

In the past two months, The Globe observed Saenz and his crew at Romney's estate once a week, except during the week of Thanksgiving. The lawn work at Romney's usually took place around noon, then the crew drove a few houses down the street to the home owned by Taggart Romney, one of Mitt Romney's sons, where they worked for about an hour. The work was sandwiched in between other jobs elsewhere, on workdays that sometimes lasted 10 to 12 hours.

And here's Baby Hughie, blubbering like an infant whose favorite Presidential candidate is about to go down in flames:

Romney has done the right thing, and it will not impact his campaign at all, especially in this week of "The Speech." (See Geraghty The Indispensable's commentary on the timing of "The Speech.")

But I should point out again, as I did when the first story broke, that the Boston Globe hates Romney and has gone to extraordinary lengths to hurt him, including staking out his house for the past three months to get this story.

Quick, as I have noted before, find the story on the illegal aliens working at one of the five Kerry homes from the 2004 campaign. It isn't there of course. The Globe didn't stake out even one of Kerry's homes. The paper didn't even press him to release his military records.

To be fair, Baby Hughie, the paper didn't press Willard to release his military records. Or you yours.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Most Unreliable Lebanon Correspondent Since The Human League

Several (that is to say, two) corporate media outlets have now mentioned the fraudulent reporting of W. Tommy Smith in the online pages of National Review. Amazingly, they have not seen fit to mention the magazine's racist defense of their correspondent, spewed by Kathryn J. Lopez:

As one of our sources put it: "The Arab tendency to lie and exaggerate about enemies is alive and well among pro-American Lebanese Christians as much as it is with the likes of Hamas."

Dog bites man, I guess.

But when did Marty Peretz become a source for National Review?


Here's a story I'm posting just because it's a cool story:

Girls won top honors for the first time in the Siemens Competition in Math, Science and Technology, one of the nation's most coveted student science awards, which were announced yesterday at New York University.

Janelle Schlossberger and Amanda Marinoff, both 17 and seniors at Plainview-Old Bethpage John F. Kennedy High School on Long Island, split the first prize — a $100,000 scholarship — in the team category for creating a molecule that helps block the reproduction of drug-resistant tuberculosis bacteria.

Isha Himani Jain, 16, a senior at Freedom High School in Bethlehem, Pa., placed first in the individual category for her studies of bone growth in zebra fish, whose tail fins grow in spurts, similar to the way children's bones do. She will get a $100,000 scholarship.


Alicia Darnell, 17, a senior at Pelham Memorial High School in Pelham, N.Y., won second place and a $50,000 scholarship in the individual category for research that identified genetic defects that could play a role in the development of Lou Gehrig's disease.

Congratulations to all the winners.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Craig's List

Just raise your hand if you haven't had sex with Larry Craig.

That's alright, Mrs. Craig, we've already counted you.

Facts vs. Hacks

Glenn Greenwald asserts that Howie "the Putz" Kurtz "has turned into nothing more than a right-wing blogger -- using his Post column and CNN show to fuel every 'scandal' they manufacture."

True enough. But the Putz also plays defense.

Take Howie's crapulent spin on Giuliani's potentially illegal use of public funds as an aphrodisiac.

The story started out with Giuliani taking a police detail with him when he went to the Hamptons to meet Judith Nathan. But it's grown into much more. For example:

Six years later, presidential candidate Giuliani is facing questions about that security. A source involved with the mayor's operations at the time tells CBS 2 HD that Nathan took flagrant advantage of that police car and driver.

The source says Nathan forced police to chauffeur her friends and family around the city -- even when she wasn't in the car.

That set off alarms with ethics watchdogs.

"The rules are clear, you can't use city resources for private reasons," said Gene Russianoff of the New York Public Interest Research Group. "And if you're using a city car, a police driven car to chauffeur around relatives, unless they're explicitly protected and their deemed to be the subject of potential security threats, it's just wrong."

Nathan's detail was approved by the NYPD after a stranger made an unspecified threat to her. The commissioner at the time was Bernard Kerik, who was recently indicted on tax fraud charges in an unrelated matter.

"It wasn't about her being the mayor's girlfriend," Kerik said. "The person spoke to her by name and made comments to her."

Oh, really? And every victim of a verbal threat in the Big Apple got a police chauffeur for his or her family? There weren't enough cops in Rudy's police state for that. And what did the ones threatened by members of the NYPD get, private bodyguards?

But here's how the Putz weaves the tale:

Ahead in the second half of RELIABLE SOURCES, Rudy hits the roof over a report about police overtime related to his affair with Judith Nathan. Does he have a case?


KURTZ: When you come right down to it, Rudy Giuliani is running on one thing -- his record as mayor of New York. This week the Web site Politico revealed a small, hidden part of that record that some police security costs for his honor were charged to obscure city agencies like the Loft Board, and that the overtime included visits to the Hamptons to visit Judith Nathan, who was then his mistress and is now his third wife.

CNN's Anderson Cooper asked about the charges at that night's presidential debate, and Giuliani defended his handling of it. New York tabloids jumped on what one called his tryst fund, and in an interview with Katie Couric, Rudy cried foul.


RUDY GIULIANI (R), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: This story is five years old. It came out two hours before a debate. It is a typical political hit job with only half the story told. Not that second part told, that every single penny was reimbursed, that all of this was public, all of this was discoverable.

It was not done in a way that nobody could see it. But it was a typical -- this particular case, it was sort of a debate day dirty trick.


KURTZ: Joining us now to talk about Giuliani's latest slam against the media and some other campaign controversies, in New York, Kelli Goff ....

Kelli Goff, is it a political hit job when a newspaper obtains city records showing police over time being charged to places like the Loft Board, and when it happens, when the mayor happens to be carrying on an extra marital affair?

Kurtz spins the matter to minimize the damage to Giuliani. It's Rudy fighting back against the media, a favorite wingnut narrative. And it's all about the need for Giuliani to have a police escort for security reasons, rather than about Rudy using his bag man, Bernie, to give out perks unavailable to the millions of men and women who aren't banging Rudy.

Greenwald is correct, as usual.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Fake But Inaccurate

Fairy tales can come true/in the National Review/If you're In The Tank:

On September 25, I filed a post, in which I described a "sprawling Hezbollah tent city" near the Lebanese parliament as being occupied by "some 200-plus heavily armed Hezbollah militiamen"...

Did I physically see and count 200 men carrying weapons? No. If I mistakenly conveyed that impression to my readers, I apologize.


Second, with regard to the post I filed September 29, in which I reported that between 4,000-5,000 Hezbollah gunmen had "deployed to the Christian areas of Beirut in an unsettling 'show of force'": My detractors have said this event, "simply never happened," because "every journalist in town would have pounced on that story, and he’s the only one who noticed?"


Since then, I have not been able to independently verify that "thousands" of armed Hezbollah fighters deployed to the Christian areas of Beirut in late September, but my sources continue to insist that it happened.

Ben Domenech wept.

(Via Political Animal.)

Update: The Neo Republic has its own Tommy Smith scandal on its hands. And it doesn't involve Marty Peretz.


Think Progress reports:

In an interview with C-SPAN's Washington Journal today, Washington Post reporter Glenn Kessler, author of Confidante: Condoleezza Rice and the Creation of the Bush Legacy, revealed that after President Bush promoted her to Secretary of State, Rice mounted a "public relations" campaign to distance herself from the pre-war fiasco.

As part of this PR campaign, she directed an aide to "plant a question" asking if she would run for President, in order to help "negate American memories of her very direct role" in invading Iraq:
[Quoting Kessler] She had a very deliberative public relations strategy when she became Secretary of State to help erase the images of how ineffective she had been as National Security Adviser. And I describe how one of her aides even planted a question with a friendly journalist to ask whether she would be interested in running for president — to give her the aura of someone who might have presidential aspirations, make her seem more powerful than she was.

You decide:


Sunday, March 13, 2005

Guests: Dr. Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of State; Reps. Tom Davis, R-Va, Chairman, Government Reform Committee; Henry Waxman, D-Calif., Ranking Member, Government Reform Committee; Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb.), Sen. Lincoln Chafee, R-R.I.

Moderator/Host: Tim Russert, NBC News


MR. RUSSERT: Before you go, let me show you some photographs on the screen: Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, Adams, Van Buren, Buchanan. What do those six men have in common?

DR. RICE: Oh, Tim, that's too tough for a Sunday morning.

MR. RUSSERT: They were all presidents of the United States that were at one time secretary of state.

DR. RICE: Ah, OK. All right.

MR. RUSSERT: In light of that, I was up on the Internet last night and found this Web site, And it features these bumper stickers and this song.


Unidentified Man: (Singing) Condoleezza will lead us. Sister, don't you worry about a thing.

(End audiotape)

MR. RUSSERT: Should that Web site be removed?

DR. RICE: Look, it's freedom of speech. But let me say, I don't have any desire or intention of running for president. I've never wanted to run for anything, and I just don't have any desire to do it.

MR. RUSSERT: Desire or intention?

DR. RICE: Both.

MR. RUSSERT: There was a great American named General William Sherman. and this is what he said, "If nominated, I will not accept. If elected, I will not serve." Will you issue a Shermanesque statement?

DR. RICE: Tim, I don't want to run for president of the United States.

MR. RUSSERT: "I will not run"?

DR. RICE: I do not intend to run for--no. I will not run for president of the United States. How is that? I don't know how many ways to say "no" in this town. I really don't.

MR. RUSSERT: Period? Period? I will not run as president of the United States.

DR. RICE: I have no intention. I don't want to run.

MR. RUSSERT: "I will not run."

DR. RICE: I think people who run are great. I don't want to run.

MR. RUSSERT: That is a Shermanesque statement?

DR. RICE: Shermanesque statement.

MR. RUSSERT: You're done. You're out.

DR. RICE: I'm done.

MR. RUSSERT: There's news.

DR. RICE: I hope not.

MR. RUSSERT: Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice who just said she will never run for president, correct?

DR. RICE: Tim, why do you keep pressing me to make these statements?

MR. RUSSERT: Well, because if you're secretary of state, will it affect your ability...

DR. RICE: I don't want to run for president of United States. I have no intention of doing so. I don't think I will be president of the United States ever. Is that good enough?

MR. RUSSERT: And you will never run?

DR. RICE: I don't intend to run.

MR. RUSSERT: But it's different.

DR. RICE: I won't run.

MR. RUSSERT: Oh, we got it.

DR. RICE: All right. There you go.

MR. RUSSERT: Thanks very much.

Would it be irresponsible to speculate? It would be irresponsible not to!

Perhaps Mr. Kessler names the friendly journalist in his book, and perhaps it's not Pumpkinhead. But the picture of Tim Russert "up on the internet" the night before his interview with "Dr." Rice, and "finding" a Rice for President website in the middle of his research seems as likely as the unlikeliest of impossibilities that are never going to happen in this or any other lifetime. The questions fit into Russert's pattern of obsequiousness toward the Bush Admiminstation. (See Cheney, Dick.) And what legitimate journalist would ask Condi such a fluffer (and hump it to death) and what other news outlet would allow such a q-and-a to see the light of day?

Just ask yourself: Would Tim Russert willingly ask questions planted by the G.O.P.? Well, would he?

(Thanks to my sensitive gag reflex for the tip.)

Friday, November 30, 2007

Hostage Situation Ends; Wingnut Media's Effort to Blame Clinton For Hostage Situation Begins

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Bimbo Eruption

Will Rudy and Judi become the new Henry Cisneros and Linda Medlar?

This perhaps explains Rudy's "loyalty" for Bernie Kerik. And lends credence -- or at least plausibility -- to Judith Regan's claim that she knows where the bodies are buried.

And will Lisa Meyers become the new Judy Miller? Couldn't happen to a nicer partisan hack.

(Via Atrios, of course.)

Bonus Shorter Wingnutosphere (as one): Questions are stupid things.

Shorter Fred Barnes:

Hush now baby don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your
Nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here
Under her wing
she won't let you fly but she might let you sing
Mama will keep baby cosy and warm
Ooooh Babe Ooooh Babe Ooooh Babe
Of course Mama's gonna help build the wall

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

What I Learned From The Republican Debate

Messicans have funny accents.

Waterboarding is a Constitutional right; the line item veto is not.

Now is not the time for gays to serve in the military; in fact, they should all go on recruiting missions to France to avoid military service.

CNN maintains its perfect record of asking Republicans the tough questions: what entitlement programs will they cut and whether they will pledge not to raise taxes.

Rudy was entitled to have the cops escort him when he went to the Hamptons, because of threats (such as "if you're going to the Hamptons to bang that tramp Judi, I swear I'll cut your dick off").

Bill Cosby's illegitimate children are the root source of crime.

It's up to the states to determine the jail sentences for those sluts who get abortions.

If elected, Ron Paul will raise $4.3 million from internet losers in 24 hours without spending a cent.

Duncan Hunter doesn't want any gays messing with his small tight unit.

Tom Tancredo wants to build a border fence on Mars.

Huckleberry Fred is on the phone right now, begging George Allen to forgive him for his tepid repudiation of the Confederate flag. (And the Florida Repuke crowd was strangely silent when Romney refused to "recognize" the old Klan Kloth.)

Bill Bennett balances out David Gergen.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Republican Family Values: Power Players Edition

Another Republican D.C. power couple has hit a rough patch. Mark Everson, Reaganite Republican family man, has been canned by the American Red Cross for his extracurricular activities:

The American Red Cross today dismissed its president and chief executive, Mark W. Everson, citing his "personal relationship with a subordinate employee." He had been in office for only six months.


Organizations, whether for-profit or not, rarely describe their reasons for firing an executive as bluntly as the Red Cross did. The most similar comparison is the Boeing Corporation, which forced the resignation of two chief executives because of ethical lapses, including affairs with employees.

Mr. Everson, who is 53, did not respond to a message left on his cellphone. In a statement released by the Red Cross, he said: "I am resigning my position for personal and family reasons, and deeply regret it is impossible for me to continue in a job so recently undertaken."

Mr. Everson's wife, Nanette, served in the White House counsel's office as the chief ethics officer during the current Bush administration and, most recently, as general counsel at the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, a position she left last spring to return to the private sector. The Eversons have two children.

Back in 2005, Nanette left her phony-baloney job as White House Ethics Officer to spend more time with her family:

In recent moves of note, the top ethics lawyer for the White House, Nanette Everson, left last Friday to spend more time with her family, which includes IRS Commissioner Mark W. Everson.

Nanette Everson, who joined the counsel's office after that little dust-up about counselor Karl Rove's Enron holdings a few years back, gets high marks in the White House, especially given the lack of major first-term ethics scandals.

The one exception might have been the blowup of the Bernie Kerik nomination for intelligence czar, but she's not faulted for that, since she wasn't asked to do the sex, drugs and rock-and-roll part of the vetting.

Probably just as well.

Monday, November 26, 2007

The 4/19 Truthers

When leather-clad posing-pouch libertarians feel comfortable telling bald-face lies in the Washington Post, it suggests that said libertarians can't face reality or argue honestly. Witness Nick Gillespie and Matt Welch, who write:

"When conservatives feel comfortable mocking the victims gunned down by Clinton-era attorney general Janet Reno's FBI in Waco, Tex., in 1993, it suggests that a complacent and increasingly authoritarian establishment feels threatened."

Of course, Janet Reno wasn't Attorney General in February 1993, when the Branch Davidians and their child-rapist leader, David Koresh, murdered four law enforcement officers in cold blood.

Reno was the A.G. when the remaining Davidians torched their own compound and either immolated or shot themselves and their own children. But "Reno's FBI" didn't gun down anyone, let alone Davidian "victims." ("Third, it must be remembered that the FBI exercised remarkable restraint, as it did not fire a single shot during the entire 51 days of the standoff, including the last day.")

The posers make a number of valid points about Big Government Republicanism. But that doesn't excuse their fairy tales about Reno and Waco.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Garbage In, Garbage Out

The G.O.P. has long treated the United States Congress as a money machine, using it to relieve suckers of their funds and involuntarily bleeding everyone else dry. Two stories serve to illustrate this point.

The National Republican Congressional Committee (NARCOCO) is selling its losing candidacies to the highest bidders:

At this point, strategists for the National Republican Congressional Committee have enlisted wealthy candidates to run in at least a dozen competitive Congressional districts nationwide, particularly those where Democrats are finishing their first term and are thus considered most vulnerable. They say more are on the way.

These wealthy Republicans have each already invested $100,000 to $1 million of their own money to finance their campaigns, according to campaign finance disclosure reports and interviews with party strategists. Experts say that is a large amount for this early in the cycle.


Self-financed, deep-pocketed Congressional candidates are nothing new for either party, and the Democrats have their own share for 2008. But the Democrats do not have a concerted campaign to find such candidates, they say, while the Republicans describe the recruitment of these candidates as central to their plan for the 2008 elections.

Meanwhile, the G.O.P.'s current crop of congressmen are bailing out to accept corporate cash above the table for a change:

The US News Political Bulletin has learned that Lott will make the announcement today at noon. According to a knowledgeable source, Lott is resigning by the end of the year to avoid new ethics rules that double the amount of time a retired lawmaker must wait before lobbying former colleagues. The former Senate majority leader had contemplated retiring prior to his last election, and is said to be eager to begin his post-Senate career while he is still relatively young.

"Double the amount of time" means two whole years. But you can't expect the Lott-Hastert knocking shop to wait that long; the Congressional Seal condoms have been paid for already.

Worst. Christmas Song. Ever.

"Last Christmas," by Wham!

This is not a discussion starter.

It is a cold, hard fact.

Eric Alterman on Martin Peretz

Marty, on the other hand, has written no books, and owes his fame entirely to his second wife's fortune, which has allowed him to destroy much (but not all) of what's valuable in America's most important liberal magazine, but with a little bit left over for Scooter Libby's defense fund. What kind of person mocks another person in a public forum for having one of his 24 books discounted when he's never written one? My guess is one who doesn't have any real friends at all ... Friends don't let friends make total and complete idiots of themselves, every day, day after day after day after day after day ...

A fair, if sympathetic, portrait, I'd say.

Peretz's latest abomination is his charming claim that everyone who he disagrees with is an anti-semite ... even those who are Jewish. So far, it seems the Wedding Singer has limited this critique to those who disagree with his conception of Israel, but those who challenge Marty to a stare-down over a parking space should be prepared to defend themselves against similar charges.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi! Oi! Oi!

News from the land down under, where Bush blows and Cheney chunders:

SYDNEY, Australia - Conservative Prime Minister John Howard suffered a humiliating defeat Saturday at the hands of the left-leaning opposition, whose leader has promised to immediately sign the Kyoto Protocol on global warming and withdraw Australia's combat troops from Iraq.

Labor Party head Kevin Rudd's pledges on global warming and Iraq move Australia sharply away from policies that had made Howard one of President Bush's staunchest allies.

Rudd has named global warming as his top priority, and his signing of the Kyoto Protocol will leave the U.S. as the only industrialized country not to have joined it.

Rudd said he would withdraw Australia's 550 combat troops from Iraq, leaving twice that number in mostly security roles. Howard had said all the troops will stay as long as needed.

What's the Aussie equivalent of a poodle?

Jesus Saves

Here's a parable for the talentless, aka wingnut bloggers:

The 45-year-old woman, who eventually died while awaiting help, had been driving on a U.S. Forest Service road in a remote area just north of the Mexican border when she lost control of her van on a curve on Thanksgiving, Santa Cruz County Sheriff Tony Estrada said.

The van vaulted into a canyon and landed 300 feet from the road, he said. The woman, from Rimrock, north of Phoenix, survived the impact but was pinned inside, Estrada said.

Her [9 year old] son, unhurt but disoriented, crawled out to get help and was found about two hours later by Jesus Manuel Cordova, 26, of Magdalena de Kino in the northern Mexican state of Sonora. Unable to pull the mother out, he comforted the boy while they waited for help.

The woman died a short time later.

"He stayed with him, told him that everything was going to be all right," Estrada said.

As temperatures dropped, he gave him a jacket, built a bonfire and stayed with him until about 8 a.m. Friday, when hunters passed by and called authorities, Estrada said. The boy was flown to University Medical Center in Tucson as a precaution but appeared unhurt.


Cordova was taken into custody by Border Patrol agents, who were the first to respond to the call for help. He had been trying to walk into the U.S. when he came across the boy.


Cordova likely saved the boy, Estrada said, and his actions should remind people not to quickly characterize illegal immigrants as criminals.

We will report on the internet campaign to have Sheriff Estrada fired -- and stoned -- as it progresses.

(Via Talk Left)

Count Your Blessings

I'll admit it. I'm a bad culturejammer.

I bought three rolls of paper towels and a 2 CD set yesterday.

It was a Christmas CD, so I didn't even wage the War on Christmas. (I wandered into No-Man's Land with John Gibson and we played footie and sang Stille Nacht until his hairpiece came unglued.)

We'll never topple existing power structures and forge a major shift in the way we will live in the 21st century at this rate.

Frankly, I was just grateful that I didn't have to spend Thanksgiving with Dr. Helen and her family patients family members and patients pretending to be commenters.

Friday, November 23, 2007

A Christmas Miracle

And it came to pass that Dick, son of Oral, was cast out of the Garden of Tax-Exemption, but lo, the Institution continueth to sucketh at the golden teat of tax subsidies:

TULSA, Okla. (AP) — The president of Oral Roberts University facing accusations he misspent school funds to support a lavish lifestyle resigned on Friday, officials said.

Richard Roberts' resignation is effective immediately, according to a statement e-mailed from George Pearsons, chairman of the school's Board of Regents.

Roberts and the university have come under fire since a lawsuit was filed by three former professors last month.

The lawsuit includes allegations of a $39,000 shopping tab at one store for Richard Roberts' wife, Lindsay, a $29,411 Bahamas senior trip on the university jet for one of Roberts' daughters, and a stable of horses for the Roberts children.

Roberts, son of school founder and televangelist Oral Roberts, had been on temporary leave from the evangelical university, fighting the accusations against him. In a recent interview, the couple denied wrongdoing.

The professors also alleged in their lawsuit that Richard Roberts required students in a government class to work on 2006 mayoral candidate Randi Miller's campaign.

Roberts publicly endorsed Miller, but said then that he was doing so as a private citizen and not as an ORU representative. He has denied the lawsuit's claims that he ordered students to work on Miller's campaign.

Professor Tim Brooker, one of the lawsuit plaintiffs, accused the school of forcing him to quit after he warned Roberts that requiring students to work on Miller's campaign jeopardized ORU's tax-exempt status.

In the weeks since that lawsuit was filed, others have cropped up, including one from a former senior accountant who alleged that the Robertses ordered him to help them hide improper and illegal financial wrongdoing from the authorities and the public.


Executive Regent Billy Joe Daugherty will assume the president's administrative responsibilities, working with Oral Roberts until the regents' meeting, the statement said.

Former ORU regent Harry McNevin, who quit the board in 1987 because of the misspending he alleged he witnessed, called the resignation "inevitable."

"You can't take the sacrifices of God's people and use them any old way," he said. "It's been 20 years that they've been doing the same things that I became aware of."

And I'm sure the University will be sending a check for two decades of back taxes as a show of contrition.

900 foot Jesus could not be reached for comment.

Keepin' It Real

Some Harvard and Oxford educated twit, guest blogging for the ultra-authentic Nick Kristof, tells the Democrats that they're losing the authenticity gap 'cause they aren't listening to The Wolf and The Bull and The Eagle:

In just a few minutes a day, without leaving the comforts of coastal living, you too can learn about what matters most to those hard core Bush backers and new Huckabee zealots across Midwest and South by simply tuning your radio dial from NPR, soft jazz, or rock and roll oldies to your nearest country western station, the one that still boycotts the Dixie Chicks. Country music – not jazz, hip hop or blues – is the most authentic and popular form of music in America today.

That's right, modern country western music provides the most compelling and honest insights into life in rural, homespun America. Unlike previous caricatures of country music with its hillbilly stories of hard drinkin' and cheatin' hearts, modern hits often tell more complex stories of everyday struggles that resonate powerfully with many Americans.

Scan the hit charts of a recent country countdown. There is the song about a wife struggling to keep her young family together and her composure while her husband fights in Iraq. There is the catchy tune with a poignant verse about a man trying to be a better person in the midst of losing his job and hoping to find his life's purpose. Another twangy hit describes comforting family traditions passed down from father to son and the insights that come with the passing of time and the turn of generations. Then there is the one about reaching out and putting America's boot to the posteriors of the terrorist enemies of America.

None of that inauthentic, unpopular race music for Tex Campbell.

'Cause "country western is the best place to start to learn a little something about what it means to have a family, to struggle making ends meet, to own a gun or a pickup truck, to support our troops unquestioningly, to enlist in the military and fight our country's wars and to generally be very proud of what America stands for — and to profess confusion over just what all this fuss is about when it comes to our foreign policy choices." (And elementary school is the best place to learn to edit sentences.)

Yup, only in "country western" music can you learn "love is all that matters after all" and "a hundred years goes faster than you think." And how to keep your daughter from doing what the boys do, by any means necessary. Ma and Pa Kettle are sure'n to elect Mitt "The Varmintnator" Romney and Rudy "Family Man" Giuliani over them thar silver-spoon, family hatin' Democrats, if'n their broke-down pickup don't blow a flat on the way to the polls.

P.S. - Don't tell Tex about this.