Sunday, August 31, 2003

Loser In Translation

Turns out Little Mick isn't quite the cunning bi-linguist he imagined himself. Mick has revealed himself to be monolingual as well as monobrowed. Says Poco Miquito :

But it seems very possible at least that the importation of a nasty reference to "those outside the race"--e.g., non-Chicanos--was unwarranted. I've corrected the text and appended updates below.

Gee, doesn't it suck when your prejudices are unfounded?

One wonders about the type of interaction our Southern California friend has with his Spanish-speaking fellow citizens on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, Kausfiles readers will learn much more about buying porn on eBay than they will about Arnold S.'s recent and not-quite repudiated ties to Kurt Waldheim. I hear Waldheim's old organization had some interesting slogans too, Mick.

How Not To Write A Book Review

Speaking of strange book reviews, like the one of Joe Conason's Big Lies in the New York Times (insightfully critiqued by Jesse Taylor here, the Washington Post also has a strange review of Joe's book.

The first four paragraphs are taken up with a point that could be covered in one sentence: "Joe Conason is a self-proclaimed liberal."

The reviewer, someone I have never heard of, drops this bombshell at paragraph four:

A reader's reaction to any politically partisan book -- Conason's, Alterman's, Michael Moore's, Coulter's, Limbaugh's -- is bound to depend on his or her worldview.

You think? How about jocks: Do they like P.E. more than the unathletic kids? Do rich landowners like capital gains tax cuts more than unemployed vagrants?

After four paragraphs of this crap, the reviewer gets to the meat of the book ... but not really. Instead he says Conason should have interviewed Dick Cheney and Ann Coulter, even though it's doubtful they'd talk to him. And then the reviewer says, "granted, the book's credibility would be heightened if Conason spent more space examining the alleged hypocrisy and lies of, say, Bill Clinton." But, really, how much more credibility would the book have if Conason just put a new title on The Hunting Of The President? I'm guessing not much.

The reviewer does allow that Joe's book is more civil and thoughtful than the crap put out by Coulter and O'Reilly, but that's a given. In all, there's little description of specifics and nothing to make the book sound particularly interesting. It's a positive review, but entirely inconsequential. Post readers would have been better served with a thorough description of what's in the book, not a bunch of gripes about what's not in it.

All Action And No Talk

Not surprisingly, the Worst Action Hero lacks the courage to address the citizens of California he wants to govern.

For purely personal reasons, I couldn't be more thrilled that Arnold is dodging this debate.

Hier Blogge Ich, Ich Bin Nicht Qualified Anders

I love a good summer cliffhanger, all hype and no peril: Will the Borg destroy the Enterprise and its crew before there are enough reruns for syndication? Which second-tier character actor without a long-term contract shot J.R.? Will one of the Friends do something uninteresting with/to/on another one of the Friends next season?

But this summer has a real-life cliffhanger, one no less unimportant and no more uninteresting than the Hollywood ones.

When last visited St. Sully, he was agonizing about whether to dump the Catholic Church:

But I also need some time and space for spiritual reasons. It's hard to describe the agony gay Catholics are now in; and I'm facing a pretty major life-decision. In this, you need quiet to listen to God and pray sincerely for his help in the struggle to maintain a good conscience and lead a moral life. From your emails, I know I am not in this alone, and I'll be praying hard for all of us in this storm, pro and con, to find God's will for us, whatever it is.

Is Sully's agony real? Who knows? Did the Catholic Church turn anti-gay just this year? Of course not.

Will Sully produce some long-winded, self-indulgent blog version of the 95 Theses? We can only hope.

Meanwhile, since Sully is so adept at compartmentalizing his crises of conscience, he's certain to overlook the fact that his Eagle, "Ah-nuld," proudly used the slur "fag" in the swingin' Seventies, and currently opposes gay marriage (at least for homosexuals). I guess that does qualify Arnold S. as a "pro-gay, hard-ass Republican." But Sully can struggle over that one suddenly next summer.

Stain Alive

Here's a bit of non-traditional casting: Welshman Anthony Hopkins as American professor Coleman Silk in the film adaptation of The Human Stain. Funny, Hopkins does look Bluish, a least on the poster. (Maybe they changed his character's name to Coleman Smurf.) I guess if Sir Tony can pass as Nixon, anything is possible.

Nicole Kidman co-stars as a janitor with cleavage.

Someone take the dog away from this idiot before he does some real damage.

(via Oliver Willis.)

Saturday, August 30, 2003

Werewolves of Saddam

I saw a werewolf with a Chinese RPG launcher in his hand
Walking through the streets of Baghdad in the heat
He was looking for a place called Qusay�s Bierhalle
Going to get himself a big glass of VX, neat
Werewolves of Saddam

If you hear old Rummy lyin� about quagmire
Better not question him
The truth got mutilated again last night
Werewolves of Saddam again
Werewolves of Saddam

He's the hoary-headed gent who once called Saddam �friend�
Recently he calls all Bush critics �traitors�
Better not seek truth from him
He'll lie to your fat face, Tim
His policy is a failure
Werewolves of Saddam

Well, I saw Dick Cheney lying through his teeth
Doing the Werewolves of Saddam
I saw Dick Cheney, Jr. choking on a pretzel
Doing the Werewolves of Saddam
I saw Condoleezza drinking a pina colada with Gwen Ifill
Her press was ... perfect
Werewolves of Saddam

(Apologies to Warren Zevon, who is deservedly No. 1.)

Friday, August 29, 2003

Janklow Must Go

Why was Representative Bill Janklow (R-S.D.) allowed to drive with a record like his? I still don't see a purely political angle in this, but the reporting to date makes it clear that Janklow's arrogance and utter contempt for the safety of others made this kind of tragedy inevitable.

Janklow has gotten more than a dozen speeding tickets in recent years, state records show, and has been involved in at least eight accidents in the past 10 years. In the past, he has made light of his driving habits. His penchant for speed, in a state of vast distances and empty country roads, has been part of his political mystique.

If the facts alleged are proven, Janklow needs to spend some substantial time behind bars, contemplating the seriousness of his crime. He also needs to resign.

More Lies of The Moonie Times

The contempt in which the Moonie Times holds its readers is a beautiful and humorous thing to behold. Here's part of an editorial from today's rag, bashing General Wesley Clark.

Mr. [sic] Clark's evasiveness regarding his Democratic Party affiliations is troubling, but his ignorance of American politics is more disturbing. Last week on ''Crossfire,'' Mr. Clark said: "The majority of the people in this country really aren't affiliated with parties, they're independent." This is dead wrong. Three-quarters of the voters register as Republicans or Democrats, and another five percent or so belong to minor parties. Four out of five voters identify themselves as partisans because they embrace the particular set of political ideals for which their chosen party stands. They grasp something that apparently eludes the general: Politics is about principles.

In the November 2000 national election, there were 205,815,000 Americans of voting age. Of that number, 156,421,311 were registered voters. In other words, approximately 76 of the voting age public is registered to vote. If every one of the 105,586,274 voters who cast a vote in the 2000 Presidential election was a partisan (that is, registered with a party), only 51 percent of voting age Americans cast a partisan vote in the 2000 election. If we use the Moonie figure of 80 percent partisans, however, only 84,469,019, or 41 percent, of voting age Americans cast a partisan vote in the 2000 national election. (And that assumes all partisans voted for the presidential candidate of the party they were registered for.)

80 percent of all voters may be registered with a political party, but those that can't be bothered to vote are hardly partisan, much less principled, as the Moonie rag would have us believe. The Moonie rag counts non-voting party members as principled while simultaneously characterizing Americans who vote but don't join a political party as "mercenaries." Of course, a cult would consider those who refuse to join a group as dangerous deviants.

Now, I am very partisan, and think partisanship is a good thing. But that doesn't mean refusal to join a political party cannot be a principled position. And membership in a political party doesn't confer any principles -- just look at the members of the Republican party.

The Moonie rag also overlooks the fact that some portion of voters who register with a party don't do so because of the "political ideals" of the party, but rather for personal gain (such as a patronage job) or because of family influence or other factors.

One could attribute the Moonie Times' smear of General Clark to a disturbing ignorance of American politics. But the Moonies know exactly what they're doing -- crafting fraudulent talking points their suckers readers can spread like a highly-contagious veneral disease.

Note: The above figures are only approximate, since they do not take into consideration the unknown number of Democrats who had their votes stolen.

Thursday, August 28, 2003

"We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force." -- August 28, 1963

What kind of parents would allow their teenage kids to hang out with a sleazy businessman who flaunts his adulterous affairs and has sex with hookers? Houston Kiwanians, that's who:

Thursday evening, Neil steps out to officially represent the presidential family at the George H.W. Bush/Kiwanis Sports Hero Award dinner hosted by the Kiwanis Club of Houston. The award recognizes high school athletes from the Greater Houston area and from Rice University and the University of Houston.

A hundred and fifty dollars! I wonder if Mickey Kaus is regretting that his mom threw out all his old Clubs and High Societies.

Why else would Kaus be so obsessed with the sale of a used porn magazine. (And who the hell would buy a used porn magazine?)

All this stuff about Al Franken's 14 research assistants at Harvard reminds me -- Has John Lott ever found any of his research assistants?

Just asking.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 11(b):

By presenting to the court (whether by signing, filing, submitting, or later advocating) a pleading, written motion, or other paper, an attorney or unrepresented party is certifying that to the best of the person's knowledge, information, and belief, formed after an inquiry reasonable under the circumstances,--

(1) it is not being presented for any improper purpose, such as to harass or to cause unnecessary delay or needless increase in the cost of litigation;

(2) the claims, defenses, and other legal contentions therein are warranted by existing law or by a nonfrivolous argument for the extension, modification, or reversal of existing law or the establishment of new law....

Abuse of Process:

Abuse of process is a common law intentional tort. It is to be distinguished from malicious prosecution another type of tort that involves misuse of the public right of access to the courts.

The elements of a valid cause of action of abuse of process in most common law jurisdictions are as follows: it is the malicious and deliberate misuse or perversion of regularly issued court process (civil or criminal) not justified by the underlying legal action. The person bringing the suit is only interested in accomplishing some improper purpose that is collateral to the object of the process and which offends justice such as unjustified arrests, criminal procecutions, subpoenas to testify, attachmentsto property, executions on property, garnishments and other provisional remedies can be considered to be capable of abuse.

Frivolous Lawsuit:

A lawsuit is termed frivolous if it is brought in spite of the fact that both the plaintiff and his lawyer knew that it had no merit and it did not argue for a reasonable extension or reinterpretation of the law or no underlying justification in fact based upon the lawyer's due dilligence investigation of the case before filing (i.e. the well known U.S. Federal Rule 11). Since it wastes the court's and the other people's time, resources and legal fees, it may result in sanctions being levied by the court upon the party or the lawyer who brings the action.
Bill O'Reilly:

Even O'Reilly conceded that "we never thought we were going to win the lawsuit. We wanted to expose the vicious tactics being used by the far left."


Has Arnold S. pissed off the Father? In an editorial entitled "Should Schwarzenegger Quit," the Moonie Times blasts not only Arnold but also former California Governor Pete Wilson and disgraced former Insurance Commissioner Chuck Quackenbush.

Outsider Mr. Schwarzenegger depends substantially on Sacramento insiders from Pete Wilson Inc. He also pledges to clean up Sacramento. But one of the state's biggest scandals involved insurance companies that failed to pay legitimate earthquake claims. They gave hush money to Insurance Commissioner Chuck Quackenbush, who resigned in disgrace. And, you guessed it, Mr. Schwarzenegger hired the culprits.

I'm guessing that it's the interracial sex that's got Wes Pruden and the Neo-Con gang soiling their sheets.

Governor Gang-Bang

What California needs is a Governor who's not afraid to have sex in front of other men.

Once again, California leads the nation... absent confirmation of those Skull & Bones rumors.

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Does Daniel Weintraub have writer's block? Kauspiles has fallen silent once more.

Conflict of Interest Kurtz and the California Election

Ever wonder why ultralightweight girly-boys like Rich Lowry and Lucianne Goldberg Jr. pop up so often on CNN's Reliable Whore-ses? Could it have something to do with the fact that Howie Kurtz is in bed with their National Review colleague? Eric Alterman reports:

Want to hire a conservative �media strategist� who is married to the most famously conflicted of interest reporter in America? Meet Mrs. Kurtz. I don�t suppose there�s any conflict in letting Howie cover the California recall candidate his wife happened to work for and is now plugging in National Review. Nahh. (Now if Howie would just quit the Post and go to work for National Review�for whose editors he has been acting as a defacto media promoter anyway�that would solve everything. But there�s always the matter of back pay�.)
Of course, there's nothing wrong with Howie marrying a right-winger. Karl Rove surely gave the union his blessing. The problem is Howie's pretense of objectivity.

Take, for example, Howie's plo-chob of Arnie S.'s media managers on the August 17 Reliable Sources

KURTZ: Paul Farhi, let's face it: the press has just been dazzled by the Arnold campaign. And so for example, one day last week doesn't answer any questions but they put out word that Rob Lowe, the actor, is joining the campaign. Everybody writes about that. So how does he get away with it?

FARHI: Well, you're talking, first of all, about the smartest media manager candidate in a long time.

KURTZ: In recorded history, perhaps.

It beats begging for sex, Howie says.

Significantly, weasel-boy Kurtz did not disclose his wife's past media management work for Arnold during the program. (He did mention it on the program the week before, but hid the conflict on the 17th.)

Howie went on to complain that the San Francisco Chronicle reported Arnold's gleeful comment about shoving a female actor's face into a toilet, as part of a film role. That's not a campaign issue, Howie whined.

Meanwhile, I can't find Howie mentioning Arnold in his online Washington Post column. Has the Post muzzled Howie? That question could be interesting fodder for Howie's next online chat, coming September 2.

Update on Roy Moore:

David Neiwert has a report on all the cranks, neo-Confederates and anti-Semites (including Mel Gibson's dad) in the crowds at an August 23 Montgomery rally in support of Judge Moore.

With friends like that, Roy Boy might as well whip it out and start hosing down the Ten Commandments with his own urine.

Welcome to the Working Week

Some perceptive employer has hired Jesse Taylor of Congratulations Jesse!

Moore Is Less

On the eve of the 40th anniversary of the March on Washington, Alabama Supreme Court Judge Roy Moore has reportedly compared his fight to keep a large stone carving of the Ten Commandments in the lobby of the state Supreme Court to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s advocacy for civil rights for African-Americans. The King analogy has also been made by Jerry Falwell and Alan Keyes. (More from Keyes here, making a subtle and nuanced comparison between Judge Thompson's order and hypothetical federal-Nazi concentration camps.)

The analogy between King's fight for voting rights, economic justice and an end to Southern terror and Roy's defense of his vanity paperweight is of course absurd. The more interesting question is whether Moore personally has the moral authority invoke King's legacy.

Mr. Moore in high school when Dr. King gave his address from the Lincoln Memorial, and surely was aware of the discrimination and bigotry surrounding him in his home state at the time. Yet his lengthy official biography is silent on any support for the Civil Rights movement in the 1960s, or at any time. Roy's moral awakening apparently came a little too late to help his Alabama brothers and sisters in their struggle for equality.

And Mac Diva at Mac-a-ron-ies points to this summary of Council of Conservative Citizens newsletters, which reportedly states that Judge Roy Moore spoke a 1995 CofCC conference:

"Vol. 27 - Winter 1995/1996 - Page 1 -- Birmingham semi-annual conference of the CofCC and the Conservative Citizens Foundation. Attendees are: Dr. Ron Rumburg, president of the Central Alabama CofCC; Jefferson County Commissioner Bettye Fine Collins; Birmingham City Councilman Dr. Jimmy Blake who gave a key to the City to Tom Dover CofCC president; Judge Roy Moore of the Alabama 16th Circuit Court of Ten Amendments [sic] fame, was the first speaker; Mississippi State Senator Mike Gunn spoke; Lt. Charles Brush, president of the Birmingham Firefighters Assoc. spoke; Wetumpka City Councilman David Haynes spoke; at the Luncheon Dr. Charles Baker, International Sons of Confederate Veterans chaplain and Central Alabama CofCC chaplain said grace; Jefferson County Board of Education member Kevin Walsh spoke; Rev. Buddy Smith assistant for the American Family Association discussed morality in America. Some other speakers spoke on Confederate heritage." (Emphasis added.)

You may recall that Trent Lott and Bob Barr spoke at other CCC meetings, and then claimed not to know what the group was all about. Of course, the foregoing is a paraphrase of the newsletter. Perhaps Moore's speech to the CCC was a tribute to the slain civil rights leader (or perhaps a theological analysis of the prohibition against coveting your "neighbor's manservant").

Perhaps the next time Roy likens himself to King, some diligent reporter will ask him for a copy of his 1995 speech.

Monday, August 25, 2003

Programming Note

Joe Conason writes at

In the meantime, I will appear on CNN's "Crossfire" today with guest host Al Franken. Among other things, I hope we can discuss the new slogan I've suggested for Fox News Channel, drawn from the wording of Judge Denny Chin's decision in the network's lawsuit against Franken and his publisher. Instead of "Fair and Balanced," why not "Wholly Without Merit"?

Man, just imagine all the book promotion going on there! With Al at No. 1 and Joe at No. 8, and Tucker Carlson at No. 82,116 (okay, so it's not out yet) on, the show will be like Mike Levy's Amazing Discoveries, but without the flaming car.

(Seriously, go buy Al and Joe's books, preferably through Eschaton or The Rittenhouse Review if you want to buy online.)

p.s. Al and Joe sounds like a pretty good presidential ticket, without the weak link in the No. 2 spot that the previous Al and Joe ticket had.

Sunday, August 24, 2003

Howard Kurtz is back, with a painfully boring article about Steffi and This Weak. It's nice that Karl Rove remembered to fish Howie out of the sock drawer before Bush returns to D.C.
Hey, I can steal from Daniel Weintraub too!

Weintraub reports that former McCainiac mouthpiece Mike Murphy has signed up to assist George Gorton and Don "Never Convicted of Battery" Sipple in pimping Arnold S. to the California electorate.

Look for Murphy to pull an old standard from his bag of tricks and promote Schwarzenegger as Arnold! After all, it worked so well for Lamar!

And Ollie!

Murph the Turf was the one who made an issue of Chuck Robb's blow and Dubya's anti-Catholicism. I don't think he'll be raising either recreational drug use or religious intolerance the centerpieces of Arnie's campaign.

Be sure to read more about this development when Little Mick lets Weintraub do all his work again on Monday.

Half-Assery As An Art

I don't claim that this blog contains great insights or reasoned analysis. I don't even claim that it's worth the time it takes to read. But I do my best, considering all the other demands on my time, such as earning a living and sleeping.

However, if I was paid between 50 and 100 thousand a year, I think that, in a period of four days, I could do a lot better than linking a report of large crowds at Arnold's Orange County rally and then remarking "This is not a problem even as charismatic a figure as Cruz Bustamante faces."

Rah! Rah! Sis Boom Bah!

Kitty O.B. reveals the depths of her intellect:

Kate O'Beirne of The National Review gushes: "When I heard that he grew up jumping rope with the girls in his neighborhood, I knew everything I needed to know about Bill Clinton. . . . . Bill Clinton couldn't credibly wear jogging shorts, and look at George Bush in that flight suit."

Ham Ass Meets Hamas

One of the best things about the Media Research Center's "CyberAlert" is Brent Baker's desparate attempts to justify its existence. You can picture Brent in a darkened room with multiple television sets, dilated pupils darting from screen to screen. As his deadline approaches and his notebook remains empty, Brent will label just about anything as liberal bias so he can make it to another payday.

He's even forced to recycle his old drivel on particularly slow days. Last week, he "wrote":

From the December 5, 2001 CyberAlert: Hamas is a "terrorist" group to everyone but Peter Jennings. In reporting on President Bush�s decision Tuesday to freeze the assets of a Texas group, charging that it funnels money to Hamas, CBS, CNN, FNC and NBC directly or indirectly described Hamas as a terrorist operation. But not ABC�s Peter Jennings.

Jennings announced on the December 4 World News Tonight: "Today the Bush administration froze the financial assets and closed the offices of a major Muslim charity. The Texas-based Holy Land Foundation is accused of financing the militant Islamic group Hamas which claimed responsibility for last week�s suicide attacks against Israelis. Federal agents raided several Holy Land offices around the country today."

For Brent, it's not sufficient for the former Canuck to state that Hamas is a militant Islamic group which "claimed responsibility for last week's suicide attacks against Israelis." Viewers less sophisticated than our Brent might confuse Hamas with group of anti-war nuns or a Quaker sewing circle.

And Brent says that the other news networks (and Faux) all "directly or indirectly" described Hamas as a terrorist organization, which suggests they didn't all use the word "terrorist" either. So it's hard to see why Brent thinks Jennings alone is giving Hamas a pass.

Brent is so delusional that he manufactures liberal bias out of thin air. He wouldn't know balance if you shoved a Segway up his ass.

Brent Baker's Ultimate Fantasy, Now On DVD

"The Infobabes raw. With the networks saving their generator power for essential production tasks, there was no electricity to drive blow dryers and so we got to see what ABC�s Diane Sawyer and Elizabeth Vargas, as well as CNN�s Paula Zahn, look like in the morning -- only compounded by their heat-induced perspiration.

"Diane Sawyer looked the most ragged in the evening as she showed up in ABC�s West 66th St. facility wearing her husband�s shirt, made damp by her trek on foot across Central Park, and sporting hair that was matted down."

That wasn't heat-induced perspiration, Brent -- they're hot for you. If bias boy keeps this up, L. Brent Bozell is going to have to neuter him.

Could Ye Not Watch One Hour With Me...ROY!?!

Chief Judge Roy Moore turns out to be a rather fair-weather Fundie. He was willing to defy a federal court order to remove the Ten Commandments sculpture from the Alabama Supreme Court building, but when his own career was in the cross-hairs, he blinked very quickly.

Moore had no immediate comment after his suspension was announced. His spokesman, Tom Parker, said Moore's attorneys would respond Monday.

Although Moore's supporters have said they will try to prevent court officials from moving the monument, Moore's attorneys offered assurances that their client will not interfere with the removal, during a conference call Friday with Thompson, two plaintiffs' attorneys who also took part in the call said.

Of course, that could be read two ways. Since Moore has been suspended, he has no offical ability to interfere with the removal. And Roy Boy apparently won't physically block the removal, like his crazed supporters. On the other hand, Roy can say that he didn't defy the Court's order, just that he refused to put it into effect but allowed others to do so (I would guess the order is directed to the Ala. Supreme Court, and not Moore personally). That would be the career-saving move.

In either case, if Roy had the courage of his convictions, he'd resign and find some other venue in which to perform God's work. I'm sure Johnny Asscrack has a spot for him on a federal bench.

p.s. I thought Colonel Tom was dead.

Friday, August 22, 2003

Don't Tell Phyllis That The Justice Isn't A Christian, Either

Phyllis Schlafly is off her medications once more. Here's a recent hallucination from the wizened wingnut:

[U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader] Ginsburg's writing and speaking style is usually somewhere between convoluted and obscure, but she delighted the new group with a noteworthy triple-entendre. Referring to Supreme Court decisions, she urged us to get rid of "the Lone Ranger mentality."

First, this was clearly a cut at the president because he is closely associated with the word ranger. He once was a part owner of Major League Baseball's Texas Rangers and his top-of-the-line fund-raisers are affectionately called rangers.

Second, Ginsburg's remark was a not-so-subtle sneer at the president's foreign policy, which has been impudently criticized by snooty Europeans for its unilateralism and "cowboy" approach. Ginsburg bragged that the Supreme Court is "becoming more open to international law perspectives," looking to United Nations treaties and foreign courts for guidance in deciding gay rights, death penalty and affirmative action cases.

Third, Ginsburg's comment was indelibly characteristic of the biased language of radical feminists who hate everything masculine. The Lone Ranger and the Texas Rangers, God bless them, are very masculine.

Who knew that Justice Ginsburg was such a castrating bitch?

Furthermore, Ginsburg's use of the word "Lone" was a blatant reference to Neil Bush's involvement in the Silverado scandal, and "mentality" was cruel slap at Bush for his inability to understand four syllable words.

Update (8/23): Edited to correct spelling of Justice Ginsburg's name.

In Other News

The Virgin Ben is considering a suit against Al Franken for the unauthorized use Ben's trademark, "Savin' It!"

Memo to Convicted Felons In Alabama

You're all free to go. God doesn't want you to be in prison. What you did was blessed by the Almighty and, even if it wasn't, God forgives you. The State of Alabama has no right to defy God's will. And if you have to kill a few prison guards to reclaim your God-given freedom, go right ahead. It's your duty.

A Little Chin Music

United States District Judge Denny Chin throws a high, hard one right under Roger Ailes' quintuple chins:

"There are hard cases and there are easy cases. This is an easy case," said U.S. District Judge Denny Chin, who added that the motion for an injunction was "wholly without merit."

He said it is highly unlikely that consumers would be misled to think that Fox is sponsoring the book. He also said the trademark is weak.
That's right, Rog -- you're weak! Weak as water!!

Thursday, August 21, 2003

The Majesty Of The Marketplace

People are talking about the fundraising gimmick of stripper/porn actress/California gubenatorial candidate Mary Carey, who hopes to raise campaign funds from civic-minded persons willing to pay for $5,000 for a platonic meal.

Hesiod points out there's no quid pro quo involved. And, apparently no quim pro quo either.

Meanwhile, a dinner with George Bush goes for a more modest two grand.

It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Kane, Kane, Kane, Kane, Kane, Kane, Kane World

Madeleine Kane, parodist without equal, gives us a fair and balanced musical look at Fox News. Simply brilliant.

Another reason we love Mad Kane: Her profile of John Mortimer, author of the Rumpole stories. Mortimer is a favorite in the Ailes household.

Speed Kills

There's nothing funny about the fatal accident allegedly caused by South Datoka's Republican representative, Bill Janklow. Nor is there any particular partisan issue raised by the killing. You've got to wonder, however, why Janklow was allowed to drive.

Janklow's driving record -- including a string of speeding tickets and at least seven reported accidents -- has been a known factor in South Dakota politics for years. In his State of the State speech to the legislature in 1999, then-Gov. Janklow addressed the issue.

"Bill Janklow speeds when he drives," Janklow said. "Shouldn't, but he does. When he gets the ticket, he pays it. But if someone told me I was going to jail for two days for speeding, my driving habits would change. I can pay the ticket, but I don't want to go to jail."

If Janklow's extreme recklessness is borne out by an investigation, jail time certainly would be appropriate.

Onward, Christian Soldiers

The biblical illiterates are starting to re-arm.

Alabama's associate Supreme Court Justices might want to watch their backs in the coming weeks.

Many of Justice Moore's supporters were outraged by the other justices' action. "Does Judas mean anything to you?" Rusty Thomas, a minister from Waco, Tex., said. "Those judges betrayed a righteous man. They'll pay the price."

We all know what happens when a religious nut from Waco threatens you.

And in Florida, "pro-life" forces prepare to kill again.

The judge who sentenced Paul Hill to death in 1994 for the murder of an abortion doctor in Pensacola has received a death-threat letter containing a rifle bullet -- making him the fourth official in Florida to be targeted in a campaign to halt Hill's Sept. 3 execution.

Where is Johnny Asscrack when all of this is going on?

Little Mickey Kaus states that reports of the quagmire in Iraq are "turning me into Ann Coulter!" Which must mean they've ruled out steriod abuse and bovine growth hormones as possible causes.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Ludi Boeken, King of the Jews

Poop Ruiz, in the comments section, notes that the comparison between Arnold S. and the golem was the observation of one Ludi Boeken, movie producer. I haven't yet confirmed that Mr. Boeken is the spokeperson for the Jews on matters Schwarznegger, but apparently Suzanne Fields has.

And who is Ludi Boeken? He's a Dutch film producer whose credits consist mainly of French films. He's also the director of "Britney, Baby, One More Time," a film summarized as follows:

Singing transsexuals, car crash mayhem, dancing truck drivers, and a certain midriff-baring teen pop idol are all part of the campy fun in Dutch director Ludi Boeken's fairy tale/road movie/drag extravaganza. Mark Borschardt and Mike Schank, previously seen in American Movie, star as independent filmmakers Dude and Mike. Hired by a Milwaukee TV station to interview none other than Britney Spears, they dream of using their pay for the gig to finance their dream project. Unfortunately, the interview does not go well, with the Dude asking Brit a very inappropriate question that gets the interview terminated before it even begins. Despondent, the intrepid -- and incompetent -- pair repair to a restaurant, where they have the good fortune of running into none other than a Britney look-a-like who just happens to be a drag queen (played by Robert Stephens, aka Angel Benton, whose experiences the movie was based on). Before you can say 'not a girl, not yet a woman,' the Dude decides that all of his problems can be solved by having Stephens pose as a the real singer, and to film the drag diva on a road trip whose footage will reap in big bucks. Britney, Baby, One More Time wascreened [sic] at the 2002 Philadelphia International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. ~ Rebecca Flint, All Movie Guide

Boeken also co-produced a 1997 film starring Steve Gutenberg, a dog and a dolphin, and a 1998 "French-Belgian-Romanian-Dutch comedy-drama, set in Central Europe during the summer of 1941," in which "Yiddish-speaking Jews purchase a train, forge identity papers, and leave town...[p]osing as both prisoners and Nazis...." The latter film has been described as "a comedy fantasy that resembles Hogan's Heroes crossed with Fiddler on the Roof."

It appears Fields has conflated Mr. Boeken with "Jews" in general. (I can't even confirm that Boeken is Jewish, but if he is, Fields should say "a Jew" or "one Jew" has compared Arnie to the golem.) Maybe Fields didn't want to mention that the quote originated in the Moonie Times' competitor, the Washington Post.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

And They Call Cruz Bustamante "The Next Governor"

In a recent column, Suzanne Fields claims that Jews call Arnold Schwarzenegger "the golem." When did this happen?

Writes Fields:

Jews, for example, call Arnold the "golem." The golem was a large robot, a mythological figure forged of clay in the Middle Ages. He was programmed to do whatever the rabbi who created him wanted him to do for the benefit of the Jews, but the robot-like invention would occasionally run amok and turn not only on his creator but on the Jews he was created to defend.
True, Arnold S. is a slow-witted dolt without a soul, but I think goyim is the world Suzanne is looking for.

A New Blog Which Deserves A Look

MWO has tipped Felonious Elephant, although actually I came across it independently. It looks very promising.

I also ran across Nader Watch logging into Blogger. It's less than a day old, so the jury's still out on this one.

Monday, August 18, 2003

Rectum? -- I Nearly Made 'Im A Best-Selling Author

I don't want to overestimate the influence, or the audience, of this blog, but Dr. Jensen's Guide to Better Bowel Care: A Complete Program for Tissue Cleansing Through Bowel Management has risen nearly 500 spaces on's sales rankings since I first referenced the tome just five days ago. (And the book's been around for 5 years already.)

Roger readers have the cleanest colons in the blogosphere.

Where's How-do?

It would be irresponsible to speculate as to where Howie "Conflict of Interest" Kurtz went when he went "away," or why.

Or, as Nooners would say, "It would be irresponsible not to."

Any thoughts?

Y Donnie Kan't Read

As the Washington Post lurches rightward, the paper's standards also decline. Witness:

Blair Aid Reveals Debate Over Iraq Threat

The only thing saving the Post from becoming the joke of D.C. daily journalism is the Moonie Times.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

I'm Not That Interested

The liberal New York Times has a Sunday magazine spread with Britney Spears wearing $14,000 dresses and showing some cleavage and thigh. (Warning: Links contain photographs of Britney Spears' cleavage and thigh.)

As you read this, Brent Bozell and Michelle Malkin are preparing their outrage. No doubt the right will see this celebration of extreme materialism and consumerism as "anti-family" or some such rubbish. At least Britney has found a medium which downplays all of her shortcomings.

If Governor "Teminator" Schwarzenegger runs the State of California like he runs his movie career, we're all fucked. Of course, Arnold made money on all of the projects; it was just everyone else who lost their investments.

On the other hand, Cruz Bustamante never starred in a money-losing film.

A thousand thanks to the Horse for its recent plug. (Scroll down to find the mention.)

And thanks to everyone who reads this blog.

Bossie's Latest Cow Pies

Steven den Beste has a serious challenger for his Bad Op-ed Writing title: David Bossie. Witness the witless Bossie putting crap to paper, in the pages of the Moonie Times:

Even President Bush's postwar efforts, a subject that has pushed shrill, hypocritical vitriol to new heights, has [sic] accomplished much over three short months.

There is nothing new about the U.S. military successfully occupying foreign countries, beginning with the original Axis of Evil � Germany, Japan and Italy, and decades later, Korea, Haiti and Bosnia. But, there were failures as well, most notably Beirut and Somalia, where occupying American soldiers were slaughtered, forcing humiliating U.S. retreats. It's no coincidence both of those incidents occurred in Middle Eastern cultures [sic] dominated by Islamic majorities.

We have won the war and freed the Iraqi people, but now we must put an Arab face on rebuilding Iraq. Only then will our latest mission be successful and return our soldiers from harm's way.

How can one man have such a masterful command of the English language, geography and world politics?

And here's the capper:

And, finally, if the Iraqi public is ever to hear anything approaching truth, the anti-American propaganda that dominates the airwaves and newspapers throughout the Middle East must be drowned out. We can and should provide the means, support and professional expertise for a free and open Iraqi press. TV, newspapers and radio owned and operated by Arabs for Arabs providing accurate news and fair and balanced commentary is essential to Iraq's future, as well as the speedy withdrawal of American military forces.

Yes, Iraq needs a free and open Arab-owned press, one which reports what we decide is accurate, to drown out the current Arab-owned press. And it should be fair and balanced, so that it can be sued by Rupert Murdoch for trademark infringement.

But Can Bill Shout "Shut Up" and "Cut Her Mic" With A Boner?

Mary Carey, 26, a pornographic actress and erotic dancer whose professional name exploits her resemblance to the pop singer Mariah Carey, paused while putting on her frilly costume for a show at the Gold Club in Sacramento to say that, indeed, she was very aware of how serious this all was. That's why she decided to run for governor, for heaven's sake.


Some of the more colorful fringe candidates were also getting as much airtime as they could handle. Ms. Carey visited, among others, Bill O'Reilly. "I'm sure he just wanted to have me on so he could make fun of me," she said. "But I don't care. I can hold my own." -- New York Times, August 16

Undoubtedly Bill was holding his own as well.

Death of A Terrorist

Idi Amin, who killed tens of thousands of Ugandans in the 1970s, died yesterday at age 80. Not surprisingly, he was living in Saudi Arabia, friend to terrorists and Bushes alike.

Saturday, August 16, 2003

A Short Intermission

Due to unforeseen events, Roger Ailes will be away until Monday. In the meantime, please enjoy the fine blogs to the immediate right until then. They are fair and balanced, to a blog.

Update (8/17): I'm back early. Unlike Howie "the Putz" Kurtz, I don't have Karl Rove's permission to take off the whole month of August.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

On the editorial page of tomorrow's Washington Post: Can't See In The Dark? -- a whimsical look at all of the Americans killed and injured during the blackout on the East Coast. And how it's all Al Gore's fault.

Important Announcement

As of noon today, Pacific Coast Time, Roger Ailes will no longer practice the rituals of Unitarianism. I will still identify myself as a Unitarian for purposes of claiming income tax credits and avoiding jury duty, but otherwise my identifying with that half-assed entity and its dreadful little adherents is finito.

Frankly, I'm not getting enough strokes from my fellow Unitards. Most of them just ignore my invaluable contributions to the spiritual and cultural life of this country, and a couple of them made some nasty cracks about those spread-eagle pictures taken of me by Alan Colmes. Except for me, all Unitarians are cold, unfeeling subhumans who should only exist to validate my existence.

To be honest, I am really jealous of all my Jewish friends, who don't have to memorize the names of all the apostles and control the media, banking and the entertainment industry. They use the name God to refer to God, which makes it easy to follow, and God loves them all truly, madly, deeply (unlike Christians, who irk him to no end).

Fiber And Balance

Sadly, Al Franken has slipped to No. 3 on the bestsellers list.

Appropriately, however, Dr. Jensen's Guide to Better Bowel Care: A Complete Program for Tissue Cleansing Through Bowel Management is outranking Roger Ailes' You Are The Message by about 18,000 places.

Arnold/Sipple: Sounds Like That Pig On Green Acres

Joe Conason has more on Arnold's adviser, Don Sipple, including Sipple's financial ties to Chuck Quackenbush, the disgraced former California Insurance Commissioner. More non-whore journalists need to pummel Arnold on the company he keeps.

Joe's article raises an interesting question: Where do voters find out who's funding the recall candidates and their campaigns? I can't find anything on the California Secretary of State's site addressing campaign finance disclosures. Does the short election period preclude effective disclosure of the special interests who are bankrolling the candidates?

p.s. -- You may want to purchase a copy of Joe Conason's Big Lies at your local bookseller or online (through someone such as Jim Capozzola or Atrios). I intend to buy Joe's book as soon as possible, based solely on the quality of Conason's (and Gene Lyons') The Hunting of The President.

Arnie's Army

Who's behind Arnold S.? The American Prospect reports that

the movie star's high-priced uber-consultants George Gorton and Don Sipple have grabbed the baton in the recall race, eager to take it the last mile to the state capitol.

And who is Don Sipple? Well, according to a published opinion of a California appellate court, one of Mr. Sipple's ex-wives had this to say:

Regina testified that appellant beat her numerous times during the last two years of her four-year marriage. For instance, once when she came home late from work, as soon as the friend she drove home with left, appellant grabbed her by the back of the neck and ground her face into the carpet. Another time, appellant hit her for no reason when she woke up in the morning; and on another occasion, he knocked her down, then kicked her. Once, he grabbed her by the hair, yanked her head back and slapped her. On a vacation to Lake Tahoe with their young son Evan, appellant became angry because Evan�s diaper was dirty. He then beat Regina. Throughout their marriage, appellant was suspicious and jealous without reason. When she danced with Missouri Governor Christopher �Kit� Bond at one of the governor�s mansion parties, appellant became jealous and hit her afterward. Regina was so fearful of appellant�s violence and temper that she finally fled the house without his knowledge, leaving a note behind.

And, according to a second ex-wife:

Deborah testified that she argued with appellant several times about his making Regina�s situation so difficult by failing to send Regina her child support payments in a timely manner. Deborah stated that during her marriage to appellant, he struck Deborah, physically abused her on more than one occasion, hit her in public and accused her of things that were not true. She testified that she was afraid of appellant, and that �[n]o matter what he said about me later, no matter what he�ll say about me after this, [I left] because I was hit.� She said that she was accused of infidelity throughout her relationship with appellant, but that she had never had an affair during the time she was married to him. She testified that she did not raise the allegations of abuse during her divorce proceedings because she wanted the most expeditious way out, she was embarrassed and afraid, and did not want to admit to herself what had happened.

Sipple denies the allegations.

The 1999 appellate court opinion also lists "Governor George W. Bush of Texas" as one of Sipple's clients. (In fairness to Bush, the Prospect reports that Sipple worked for Bush during his 1994 re-election, apparently before the abuse allegations became well-known in 1997.)

The Fox News All-Stars

Meet the dream team of Faux lawyers who filed Faux's suit against Al Franken: Dori Ann "Gray" Hanswirth, Katherine M. Bolger, and Tracey Tiska (not pictured) of Hogan & Hartson, LLP.

Dori Ann is a long-time Faux mouthpiece who also represented the ethical Star tabloid (on a Jon Benet story, no less!) and the balanced and fair National Enquirer.

Hogan & Hartson proudly boasts that its "Legislative Practice" was ranked fifth among the top-grossing D.C. lobbying practices by Influence magazine.

(Suit link via Talk Left.)

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

He'll Be Cack

If you thought Arnold S. was ill-informed now, wait 'til these jokers get through with him.

Other prominent economic figures who are talking with Mr. Schwarzenegger about a role in the campaign include Steve Forbes, Larry Kudlow, Art Laffer and Steve Moore of the Club for Growth.

What, Donald Luskin and Carlton Sheets were too busy to help? On the other hand, Larry K. should be able to help Arnie stay awake during those all-night Assembly sessions.

Letters to Roger

Reader Stuart Shiffman e-mails the following comments about my comparison of Arnold S. and Jesse Ventura:

Like many others you make comparisons between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura that come off as an oblique attack on both. I find Arnold interesting only because he shows once again the shallowness of the media when it comes to covering politics. But I have a serious issue to raise with you and others about Jesse Ventura.

Let me preface my comments with this statement. I am not from Minnesota and did not live there during his tenure in office. I am from Illinois, a state with its own history. Yes, Jesse said and did some outrageous things. But I have never seen nor read a serious discussion of his 4 years as Governor. Minnesota did not go deeply into debt during his term. Schools did not close, government services did no go away. There is no evidence that I am aware of that Jesse was anything other than a typical state bureaucrat governor who had fights with his legislature. Why do people continue to point to Jesse as some bad example when 49 other governors are available for criticism?

Spelling It Out For You

Operation Ivy Lightning. Or, if you prefer the acronym: OIL.

(From the WP, via J.T..)

It's Funny Because They're Dead

While we laugh at the heat-related deaths in France, let's all enjoy a hearty chuckle at all the folks who God killed because their governor was an incompetent fuckwit.

Officials at the Houston Department of Health and Human Services say thirty-eight heat-related deaths were reported in Harris County last summer. During the summers of 1998 and 1999, there were 23 and 20 heat deaths, respectively.

And that's just one county. Anyway, most of them were old and weak and couldn't afford air conditioning, unlike the governor's life-deserving pals.

Laugh it up, dickwads.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

"Fox's 8-inch-thick complaint, filed in New York State Supreme Court in Manhattan, didn't mince words when it came to describing the former "Saturday Night Live" regular, whose 1996 book, "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot" was a best seller (and drew no lawsuit from Limbaugh)." -- Minneapolis Star-Tribune

Overcompensating, Rog?

Franken: 1

Ailes: 21,196

The Cost of War

It's more expensive for some than others.

Within minutes of the arrival of President Bush - less than two months after a land mine ripped into Rozelle's right foot - the Army officer looked up from the tarmac, put out his hand and stood tall.

[Capt. David] Rozelle said the president told him, "Captain Rozelle, you will be back on your feet in no time, and in fact I'll go running with you soon. I'm going to find you and we're going to go on a run - just don't get faster than a seven-minute mile."


On June 21, Rozelle and his men from the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment based at Fort Carson rolled through the Iraqi town of Hit, where they were assigned to train new police officers. After his Humvee was destroyed by the land mine, Rozelle was taken to Baghdad, where doctors amputated his foot.

Good luck to Captain Rozelle and his family.

(Thanks to mw for the link.)

You know, when even Little Mick and Instapundit are bashing Roger Ailes and the Faux News Channel, albeit in a weak-kneed, suck-up kind of way, some of the thrill is gone. All I can say guys is, what took you so long?


Someone has written and asked me to delete the following sentence from this post:

"Ms. Vance went on to describe the thong and see-through bra she had planned to wear to Karlpalooza."
The reason for the request was that Ms. Vance did not speak those words. I would have thought that even Howard Kurtz would understand sarcasm and ridicule, and that the statement was not meant to be taken literally. Even a bunch of old hags would get the gag. My homeslice Douglas Cunningham got it. But, stand-up guy that I am, I will agree to the request, by adding the following:

"The foregoing constitutes sarcasm and ridicule. Ms. Vance did not say she intended to wear anything to Karlpalooza."

Monday, August 11, 2003

Remedial English, NewsMax Style

Somehow, it's just so appropriate.

Men On Film

Arnaud "The Spike" de Borchgrave seems to think that the Arab world hates America because gay Hollywood directors made movies which portray the CIA and Pentagon as international killers. Or something. It's really hard to tell. Here's part of what Arnaud has to say:

Surfing one evening at 10:45 p.m., this reporter came across two naked males, going all the way. After all, heterosexual couples answering the call of Kama are now almost standard fair (sic).
Uh, sure, Arnaud. Just don't forget to rewind.

99.9 Percent of Donald Rumsfeld's Statistics Are Made Up

Wyeth Wire has two devastating posts on the empty rhetoric of Donald Rumsfeld and Condoleezza Rice.

Roger's Mail Sack

Roger's Baghdad correspondent, A Friend, reports that Bush administration claims of ties between Saddam Hussein's regime and international terrorism are entirely false:


I want you to patiently read this my offer and make up your mind whether you will accept it or not. I will not be able to disclose my name for security reasons. Iwork with the World Health Organisation. We were sent to Iraq for medical research. During the research we came across the sum of $10.5 million us dollars believed to have been looted by the late sons of SADDAM HUSSEIN, Qusay and Uday Hussein. I and my colleagues decided to keep this
money to ourselves and to assist the families of those soldiers who lost their lives fighting for justice. For security reasons we thought it is wise not to bank this funds in our name.The funds are currently deposited in a security company through diplomatic means in Europe under a non existing name and a security code.I want you to assist me to claim this money. If you will be interested, all you will have to do is to travel to the country in Europe. I will give you the name and the secret code with which the fund is deposited and you do a change of ownership
so that you will be eligible to collect the fund on our behalf which makes you the beneficiary of the consignment. I will give you 20% of the fund for this assistance.I will provide a classified clearance paper to show that the US$10.5million dollars is neither terrorist nor drug related. Kindly respond to my proposal, I am expecting your fax or mail response. I will later give you a secure telephone number when I get your response because I am always travelling around. I want to assure you that there is no risk attached in this deal. Till I hear from you.

My busy schedule precludes me from taking Mr. Friend up on his offer, but if anyone wants to get in touch I can forward his e-mail address to you.

Welcome, Doug Cunningham Readers!

Thanks to Doug Cunningham for mentioning this blog in his column for the Orange County, New York Times Herald-Record. Mr. C reports that Young Republican Karl Brabanec, featured in this earlier Roger post, is no longer employed by Orange County.

For all you first time visitors: Welcome! Please feel free to comment, criticize, or e-mail me. Your feedback is always welcome. And in case it isn't blindingly obvious from reading any of the entries here (or in case you're Howie Kurtz), this blog is not written by, or in any way related to, the Roger Ailes who is Chairman and CEO of the Fox News Channel and the newest honorary member of the Congressional Black Caucus. We all have our crosses to bear.

Also note: Due to strong language of an adult nature, reader discretion is advised.

Sunday, August 10, 2003

Worst ... E-Mail Survey ... Ever

Jesse at has responded to a e-mail survey asking left bloggers to identify the Worst Americans Ever. I got the same e-mail and planned on responding, but the e-mail said that I had to respond before midnight the same day, so I was too late. (Plus, if you're asking someone for a favor, is it really a good idea to put such a short deadline on it?)

Anyway, I would have listed at least six of the same men as Jesse; probably more Confederates and less assassains. Plus, Bush, to piss off the wingnuts, and Mickey Kaus, just for the hell of it. And the guy who sent me the e-mail.

The question is kind of vague. Are we being asked for the most evil people who happen to be Americans, or the Americans who have done the most damage to America? Sure, Ted Bundy killed more people than Pat Robertson, as far as anyone knows, but Ted didn't have much of an impact on the country beyond the personal tragedies he caused.

Seriously, why is any Californian even considering voting for Arnold Schwarzenegger? Do we need the State of Minnesota to come out and do an intervention?
It's Official! Atrios confirms that Don Novello, aka Father Guido Sarducci and Lazlo Toth, is running as a Democrat in California governor's race. Sounds like good p.r. for his new book, if nothing else.

So who will be the first wingnut to accuse the Democratic party of tolerating "anti-Catholic hate crimes" based on Novello's party affiliation?

Elections, literature -- What's the difference? We'll steal whatever we want

The A.P. reports on Katherine Harris's continued adventures in pilfering.

Security guards and Harris' staff confiscated literature handed out by opponents that included the drug plan's details and a chart of Harris' voting record since she began her term in January....

Connie M. McKee, a Harris staffer, said Congressional ethics rules made it illegal for people to distribute political information during a town hall meeting.

"All of the material is still here, and they can pick it up when they leave," McKee said. "They just can't take it into the hall. The ethics laws do not allow us to let them take it in. We have to be very, very careful that there are no laws broken."

But Harris distributed her literature to attendees. One flyer detailed how Bush's economic plans are restoring confidence and creating growth through fiscal discipline. Another highlighted the many benefits of Medicare reforms passed in June.

Hmm.... the people attending aren't members of Congress, yet they're subject to Congressional ethics rules? A town hall meeting where freedom of speech is prohibited. "Jeb" Bush's Florida isn't a swamp, it's a sewer.

Saturday, August 09, 2003

Sadly, No! reports that Rush Limbaugh has been telling his listeners that Saddam was trying to buy nukes from three African countries other than Niger. It's doubtful that Rush's entire audience can name three African countries.

A Full Frontal Loebotomy

Steno Sue's co-hack, Vernon Loeb, is in deep deep denial:

Loeb dismisses accusations that the military used his paper as an organ for propaganda. "I don't think we were spun at all," he says. "I don't think the Pentagon ever set out to make Jessica Lynch a poster child for battlefield heroism."
Let's go to the record:

"Pfc. Jessica Lynch, rescued Tuesday from an Iraqi hospital, fought fiercely and shot several enemy soldiers after Iraqi forces ambushed the Army's 507th Ordnance Maintenance Company, firing her weapon until she ran out of ammunition, U.S. officials said yesterday.

"Lynch, a 19-year-old supply clerk, continued firing at the Iraqis even after she sustained multiple gunshot wounds and watched several other soldiers in her unit die around her in fighting March 23, one official said. The ambush took place after a 507th convoy, supporting the advancing 3rd Infantry Division, took a wrong turn near the southern city of Nasiriyah.

"'She was fighting to the death,' the official said. 'She did not want to be taken alive.'"

Oh, so sorry, Steno Vern. Thanks for playing our game. Turn in those reporter's credentials and head directly to the Weekly Standard to pick up your presidential kneepads.

And here's Loeb's editor with a quick-and-easy recipie on how to get around that lame multiple sources rule:

But [Loeb] and Post Managing Editor Steve Coll say they have no reason to doubt that their April 3 story accurately reflected the information contained in those reports--even if the reports had inaccuracies. "We had multiple sources because multiple people were reading the same intelligence report," Coll says.

"Uh... I need another source.... Could you hand the phone to someone else and have them say the exact same thing? Thanks muchly!"

You Can Still Write My Name In

There are 125 people on the ballot for the October 7, 2003 recall election in California. Unfortunately, Roger Ailes fell just $3,500 and 65 signatures short of making the ballot, denying the people of California the opportunity to be the first to elect a blog to statewide office.

Here's the the full list of second choices.

Interestingly, Insurance Commissioner John Garmendi is not on the list. Bill Simon is. What I want to know -- is Donald A. Novello of Marin the same one who portrays Father Guido Sarducci?

Howie Knows His Audience

Conflict-of-interest Kurtz identifies his readership base:

Re: City Paper: Shouldn't parodies or ficticious interviews be labeled as such? What's the Post's policy on this? (I'm thinking of Hank Stuever's column on William Hanna, for example, where he "interviewed" cartoon characters.)

Howard Kurtz: There's no "policy," except that a parody not labeled as such should be obvious to anyone with a sixth-grade education....

That's Howie, always looking out for his fans. But most people who've made it past middle school already know Kurtz is a joke.

Thursday, August 07, 2003

Several of this blog's betters have been invited to attend a Blogging Conference at a little-known technical college in Cambridge, MA. They've also been invited to pony up $500.00 for the privilege of attending. Not suprisingly, the popular R.V.S.P. includes an invitation for the sponsors to deny gravity while directing the contents of their bladders along a vertical length of rope.

But the self-important twaddle of the conference's sponsors is worth a few laughs. Watch as they plan their conference out loud:



Politics -- Christopher Lydon

Ideas: Glenn Reynolds, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Walter Cronkite, Click and Clack, Democratic Presidential candidates.

Aired live on WGBH?

A roundtable featuring a right-wing professor, two former progressive Presidents who have been vilified by said wingnut, Walter Cronkite, Click and Clack and the Democratic presidential candidates -- and they'll talk about blogs! Fucking brilliant! I can't believe anyone hasn't thought of this before.

And of course the local public radio station will want to cover it live. They'd be crazy not to.

Outstanding questions

Invitation only? Yes.

Is the name really BloggerCon? Yes it is

Blog for BC? Yes, of course.

Friday evening speakers dinner, Harvard Faculty Club?

Sunday brunch, super-invite only.

Sunday birds of feather meetings at Berkman offices.

Will you need a second mortgage if you want one of those super-invites?

Here's my suggestion for the keynote address: Which Came First: Blogging Conferences and Supercilious Twats?

Brent Bozell, Bulimic

"And I want to vomit." -- L. Brent Bozell

Don't try giving this man any fashion tips, boys -- He'll spew all over you! And that goes double for trying to have "raw, perverted homosexual sex" with him!

Update: Spew-boy is at again! Someone get a bucket.

The Santa Monica Swingers' Club

Slate's Mickey Kaus, is fascinated by the sexual life of his fellow Santa Monican, Arnold S.:

If you were Arnold Schwarzenegger and were preparing, by your own admission, to combat womanizing rumors, would it be a good idea to describe your wife as "the greatest wife in the world ... a fantastic partner"? [Emphasis on wildly unromantic word added.] ... Just asking! ... -- From Mickey Kaus's How to Satisfy Your Woman In Bed Every Time

Frankly, I don't see how describing your wife as anything would combat womanizing rumors. But then I'm not the ladies' man that Little Mick is.

Just moments after Roger Ailes announced its candidacy for governor of the Golden State (see above), a tearful Darrell Issa withdrew from the race. Issa spent $1.7 million to buy the recall -- That's the biggest amount of money down the crapper since Ben Affleck went birthday shopping for Jennifer Lopez. I'd be bawling too.

On Today's Jerry: Fun With Subtraction

If you thought all of Jerry Springer's viewers were innumerate, think again:

CAPE MAY COURT HOUSE, N.J., Aug. 5 � Paul Alexander�s 15 minutes of fame have turned into a year in prison. Alexander bragged on television that he dumped his girlfriend while a guest on �The Jerry Springer Show.�

AFTER RECEIVING a tip, Cape May County prosecutors watched as Alexander and his 22-year-old girlfriend spoke of their 7-year-old child.

Authorities did the math and determined that the couple�s sexual relationship began when the woman was 13, according to prosecutor Marian Ragusa.

I bet Alexander hates it when all the other inmates chant "Jerry! Jerry!"

Death of A Dream

The free Bay Area weekly East Bay Express has gotten Gary Coleman to run for Governor of California. Apparently Coleman had to sign some papers before a notary in order for the Express to put his name on the ballot.

So much for my plan. It woulda' been brilliant.


Oh well.

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

This, on the other hand, is incredibly pornographic.

Don't Tell Fred Barnes

Pornographer and future California governor Larry Flynt has a link on his website to Dubya's Dayly Diary. I'm no fan of Flynt, but he's got good taste in websites (other than his own).

(Note: Flynt link is not a porno link. So bite me, Barnes.)

Fun With The FEC

A couple of weeks ago, TAPPED pointed out that the Federal Elections Commission has a database of individual contributions to federal election candidates and national political parties and PACS. Some purely random searches include the following:


01/31/2001 2358.00 ...

Total Soft Money: 2358.00


08/16/1999 1000.00....


05/24/1999 1000.00 ...

NEW YORK, NY 10036

03/29/2001 1000.00 ...
12/17/2001 1000.00 ...

NEW YORK, NY 10036

03/18/1997 1000.00 ...


02/04/1997 1000.00 ....


An interesting turn of events in the California Governor's recall election. Unfunny, reactionary prop comic Gallagher is tossing his floppy hat into the ring.

Comedian Leo Gallagher is a definite in -- if he can get eight more signatures before Saturday's filing deadline.

"I want to highlight issues and say things that I know the other folks who are invested in political parties won't say,'' said the 57-year-old entertainer, who goes by the name 'Gallagher' and is perhaps best known for his sledgehammer-wielding, watermelon-smashing routines."

If elected, Gallagher's first official act will be the execution of rivals Cartottop, Rip Taylor and the Amazing Jonathan.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Congratulations to blogger Mark A. R. Kleiman. His article on Chuck Colson's bogus claim of success with faith-based and taxpayer funded prison rehabilitation is online at Mark reports that Chuck is guilty of "creaming," that is, selective interpretation of data to reach a desired result. Frankly, I don't care whether the programs work or not; giving or withholding any state benefit based on religious beliefs -- or the willingness to undergo religious indoctrination -- is wrong.

Is Kaus Dating Himself?

What's the story with Kaus? On Sunday night, I noted that Kaus hadn't blogged anything since Wednesday. Now he's got entries for last Sunday, Saturday, Friday and Thursday. Did anyone see those entries? Did I just forget to refresh my browser? If these items were actually posted on Sunday night, aren't the dates and times listed deceptive? And can we demand Jacob Weisberg's resignation?

Crusin' With The Oldies

TBogg has the details on the National Review's Panama Canal cruise. Hey, didn't we lease the canal to the ChiComs during the Clinton Administration?

On a ship with L. Brent Bozell and a bunch of doughy, rapidly aging baby-faced men. Save yourself $2,196.50 and rent a Cuba Gooding movie instead.

Sunday, August 03, 2003

The Road To Well-Deserved Irrelevancy

And then there's Snitch. He's taken the "con" side of the great national debate, "was Bob Hope funny?"

Quick, then�what is your favorite Bob Hope gag? It wouldn't take you long if I challenged you on Milton Berle, or Woody Allen, or John Cleese, or even (for the older customers) Lenny Bruce or Mort Sahl.

Oh, yeah, the Mort Sahl gags just come tripping off my tongue. I was quoting Uncle Miltie just yesterday.

And there's this:

Poor Vincent Canby was really up against it in last Tuesday's New York Times, which awarded him acres of space to celebrate the passing of a national laff-meister. Canby, who died three years ago, must have been glad he wouldn't live to see his Hope obituary in print.

Somehow I doubt Vincent Canby was praying that he would die before Bob Hope.

And this:

There were many cringe-making references last week to Hope's doggedness in entertaining the brave boys overseas. I have met more than one veteran who says that those USO concerts were the last straw.

Meaning what? They deserted? Surrendered to the enemy? Torched a village?

Hope's passing means there's a vacancy for Hitch to fill, entertaining the troops in Iraq. The contact high alone would keep a division happy for weeks.

Mickey Kaus is really earning that 50 to 100 K he reportedly pulls down at Slate. It's now Sunday, August 3, 2003, at approximately 9:30 PM, Pacific Time. Kaus last "Updated" Kausfiles at "Wednesday, July 30, 2003, at 12:31 AM PT." (He hasn't updated the lame Gearbox in a month.) I guess he's waiting until the "Beeblogger" writes something new.

Let's watch and see if Kaus backdates his next entry.

I tuned in C-SPAN for the author of the Prescott Bush book, but the station was showing some other author on Presidents' children. The Paglia re-run is coming up, but I don't think I'm that masochistic.

Am I Lott or Not?

Apparently some internet weisenheimers are having some fun at John R. Lott's expense. And Lott's none too happy about it:

Notice: I have found websites, particularly ��, that are pretending to be run be me. They are not. At first glance, it may be hard to tell that it is not my site. The only sites I control are this and Anything else is an impersonation and is trying to misleaded people about my views.

I hate it when websites pretend. Especially when they try to misleaded people. Ooohhh, that yanks my chain!

For the record, Roger Ailes is wholeheartedly opposed to internet impersonations.

Damn Liberal Media

The New York Times Magazine has a major profile on University of Chicago economist Steven Levitt and doesn't once mention that he's rabidly anti-gun.

Will Glenn and Glenda blast the Times?

Update: Not surprisingly, Tim Lambert beat me to the punch.

Saturday, August 02, 2003


From the party that brought you Chris Sibeni, here's Karl Brabenec, raison d'etre for the sadly still-born Karlpalooza '03.

The Orange County, New York Young Republican was to be feted at a 24th birthday party, dubbed Karlpalooza, to be held during the YR Convention in Boston in July 2003. The party was promoted on a flier circulated in Boston as involving "lots of beer, liquor and sex." The flier also included a counterintuitive request that Young Republicanettes "wear as little clothing as possible."

Regrettably, the blue-noses in the New York State Young Republicans got advance word of Tailhook 2003 and shut down the bash before Karl could get his freak on.

Subsequently, the flier made its way back to bucolic Orange County, putting Brabenec's county patronage job in jeopardy. Master B. denied he had prior knowledge of the flier, which he called "completely unacceptable and in bad taste."

Being familiar with the veracity of balding, oily Republicans named Karl, the Times-Record Herald investigated:

While Brabenec called the planned bash � to mark his 24th birthday � a "surprise," the event has been listed on the Young Republicans Web site for weeks with instructions to "call Karl" at his home number in Slate Hill.

And others who attended the convention in Boston, including former state Young Republicans Chairman Steve Neuhaus of Chester, said Brabenec was standing with Karalis and fellow YR member Joseph M. Petriello as they passed the party invitations among the crowd at Boston's posh Park Plaza hotel.

Hmm.... Asked for further comment, Karl demurred:

"I have no more comment," Brabenec said. "You have my statement."

The Orange County Young Republicans website, as linked by the OC Republican Committee, has also fallen silent. So has Karl's personal website, which has "moved servers."

Who is Young Master Brabenec? Was he one of the bourgeois rioters of Electiontheft 2000?:

Karl is a very caring individual and is always there to lend a helping hand. He went down to Florida last year for the whole presidential election fiasco and I know that he recently went down to volunteer at the World Trade Center site.

We know he's good at P.E., and a major ass-kisser.

Orange County Executive Edward Diana has hired Karl Brabenec, who last year ran for and lost the legislative seat Diana once held. Brabenec, 23, started last week as a staff assistant. The gig pays $38,789 a year....

"I've known Karl a long time," Diana said. "He was a student of mine at Minisink Valley High School. I feel he's highly qualified to serve in our office."

"He was my high school gym teacher," Brabenec said of Diana, a retired educator. "He inspired me as a teacher. He's sort of a role model for me."

And all the young hotties love him.

A few, like Orange County Young Republican Treasurer Laura Vance, who called the Times Herald-Record and a WTBQ talk show yesterday, came to Brabenec's defense. Vance said most of the criticism had come from political rivals, and she brushed off the Republican Women's comments.

"They're a bunch of old hags, and I'll tell them that to their face," Vance said. "I'm a woman, and I don't feel offended. The party never even went on. It's unfair to make a big deal of something back home that happened on someone's vacation."

Ms. Vance went on to describe the thong and see-through bra she had planned to wear to Karlpalooza. WARNING: The foregoing constitutes sarcasm and ridicule. Ms. Vance did not say she intended to wear anything to Karlpalooza.

Meanwhile, party-oriented Young Republicans of Orange County will have to make do with sex-free events like the $150.00 a plate "Brunch on the River" for Brabenec's boss. And Karl will have to make do with the stack of Glamours at his mom's house.

Friday, August 01, 2003

VCR Alert

Coming Sunday on BookTV (C-SPAN 2):

On Sunday, August 3rd our In Depth guest will be Camille Paglia. Ms. Paglia is a social critic, political commentator, professor, and essayist. She is the author of four books: "Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Emily Dickinson," "Sex, Art & American Culture," "Vamps & Tramps," and "The Birds." Camille Paglia will take your phone calls for 3 hours beginning at noon eastern time. You can also e-mail your question for Ms. Paglia to

And, as an added bonus, Sunday, 11 p.m. Eastern:

"Duty, Honor, Country: The Life and Legacy of Prescott Bush"

Perle Scam

Defense Policy Board chairman Dick Perle isn't waiting for a share of oil revenues; he wants to be paid now. The neo-con chickenhawk has figured out how to make the New Imperialism both fun and profitable, according to The Nation.

During and after his chairmanship, Perle used his insider status to demand fees for appearances on a number of foreign broadcasts, which included British, Canadian, Japanese and South Korean television. While paying interviewees is common practice in some countries, a number of media outlets made exceptions for Perle. "We did pay Perle because of his position [in a] prominent advisorship to the Secretary of Defense," says a European correspondent who, like most journalists interviewed, requested anonymity because of network discomfort at publicly discussing payment policies. Fees ranged from under $100 to $900--minor sums to someone like Perle, but federal regulations covering officials in his capacity make no distinctions based on amount.

Wow. Shouldn't David Frum be spanking Dicky P. right about now?

Perle's response to the story was drafted by one Chris Hitchens:

The suggestion that being paid for work I do is somehow an abuse of my role as a member of a government advisory board is the sort of slander I expect from The Nation which, since the collapse of regard for the vision of its founders, and the paucity of ideas to replace it, has been reduced to impugning the character of those whose ideas have prevailed over yours.

Advantage: The Nation. After all, it got Perle to respond for free.