Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Roger's 4 Million Dollar Sweepstakes

Roger Ailes, the blog, is scheduled to receive its 4 millionth reader sometime in the next 60 days. To celebrate, and to artificially inflate its traffic, Roger Ailes will award a Grand Prize of one dollar (U.S.) to its four millionth visitor. Winner is responsible for proving that he or she is the four millionth visitor. In the event the four millionth visitor does not claim his or her prize within 30 days, the prize money will be rolled over into Roger's 5 Million Dollar and a Quarter Sweepstakes. Roger Ailes will also pay for postage to mail the prize anywhere in the United States. Void where prohibited.

Shoot. A 'bagger could have a pretty good time in Matt Drudge's crawlspace with all that stuff....

Conservative activist James O'Keefe apparently has been caught pilfering from his employer, Andrew Breitbart. Among the inventory of well-loved goods in O'Keefe's possession:

"condom jar, dildos, posters and paintings of naked women, fuzzy handcuffs" and a blindfold.

DNA testing will be required to determine ownership of the items. Initial reports make no mention of wetsuits or eggs.

Update: Matt Lewis notes the tragic dimensions of this event:

Sadly, O'Keefe's insistence on continuing his weird brand of performance art has probably cost him his chance to be considered the 21st-century version of Paul Weyrich or Phyllis Schlafly.
If, by "cost" you mean "assured," then I concur wholeheartedly.

Update No. 2: O'Keefe is still listed as a contributor to Andrew Breitbart's Big Journalism, although I hear that a spin-off, Andrew Breitbart's Big Dildo, is in the works.

Monday, September 27, 2010

New York Republican gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino has a love child.

Or as he calls her, My Little Pony.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Very Afraid

Howard "the Coward" Kurtz, who gave us saturation coverage of Helen Thomas' downfall, will decide what's media news and what's not:

Howard Kurtz, the media editor of the Washington Post, was among those journalists critical of Thomas, suggesting that she should "go home" to Lebanon and that she is a heroine to Hezbollah. Asked why the mainstream media has largely ignored Peretz's views over the years, Kurtz replied: "I'm afraid I just haven't focused on the subject."

When you spend all your time obsessing over Lindsay Lohan and Tiger Woods and moonlighting as Bob Woodward's p.r. flack, there's not a second to spare reporting substantive media stories that don't fit your right-wing agenda.

When Is A Terrorist Threat A "Gay Slur?"

When the Washington Post performs damage control for Saxby Chambliss.

Monday, September 20, 2010

That Ain't The Way to Have Fun

Someone at the American Broadcasting Corporation gets two thumbs up from Roger Ailes, the blog.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Safety School

For all those who couldn't get into Beck U. because you couldn't get a credit card, higher education is still available to you:

Friday, September 17, 2010

Speculative Scoop

I'm guessing that Doug McKelway is the Daily Choler's Wankerman (this churlish dick). Or at least based on him.

You heard it here first.

p.s. Of course you've never heard of him. He writes for the Daily Choler.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Any Paladino Fucks a Palomino

In an effort to contrast their candidate with disgraced former Governor Elliot Spitzer, the New York Republican Party has nominated an animal enthusiast who will run under the slogan "Whores No; Horses -- Fuck Yeah!"

A Tea Party darling, Paladino reportedly sent an e-mail depicting a horse having sex with a woman and another that included a pornographic video and the headline "Miss France 2008 F[***]ing." He also reportedly sent out an e-mail depicting President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama as a pimp and prostitute and one showing an airplane landing near black men with the caption "Holy Sh*t. run ni**ers, run!"


The Buffalo News reports that Paladino did not deny sending the e-mails at an event today. He called them "just another liberal Democrat blog smear."

There was an old man who swallowed a horse.

He's Republican candidate for Governor of New York — of course!

Update: Edited numerous times due to author's incompetency.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

The Log Cabin Republicans Are About To Be Sued for Trademark Infringement

The “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy toward gay members of the military is unconstitutional, a federal judge in California ruled Thursday.

Judge Virginia A. Phillips of Federal District Court struck down the rule in an opinion issued late in the day. The policy was signed into law in 1993 as a compromise that would allow gay and lesbian soldiers to serve in the military.

The rule limits the military’s ability to ask about the sexual orientation of service members, and allows homosexuals to serve as long as they do not disclose their orientation and do not engage in homosexual acts.

The plaintiffs, challenged the law under the Fifth and First Amendments to the Constitution, and Judge Phillips agreed.

“The don’t ask, don’t tell act infringes the fundamental rights of United States service members in many ways,” she wrote. “In order to justify the encroachment on these rights, defendants faced the burden at trial of showing the don’t ask, don’t tell act was necessary to significantly further the government’s important interests in military readiness and unit cohesion. Defendants failed to meet that burden.”


The suit was brought by the Log Cabin Republicans, a conservative gay organization. The group’s executive director, R. Clarke Cooper, pronounced himself “delighted” with the ruling, which he called “not just a win for Log Cabin Republican service members but all American service members.”

Naturally, B. Arthur Blatt has already enlisted in the military is attacking the ruling. And he'll keep on doing so unless and until Sarah Palin tells him to stand down.

Burn In The U.S.A.

Here's what we do. We get a carton of Bibles without the title on the book cover, stamp 'em "The Koran" in goldleaf on the front, and send 'em down to Reverend Jones and his flock.

Maybe a foreign language version, so they can't tell in case one of  the books is opened accidentally.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Will Jindal Endorse Vitter? Depends.

Jindal flip-flops on his support for prostitute enthusiast David Vitter:

UPDATE: Melissa Sellers, a spokeswoman for Jindal, tells CNN the governor meant to convey he has not weighed in on the race yet, but may do so in the future.

(CNN) - Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal has finally answered a questioned asked of him for months: Will he endorse embattled Republican Sen. David Vitter's reelection bid?

The answer is no.

"Voters can make up their own minds," the Louisiana governor and fellow Republican told local television station WDSU.

Jindal added he doesn't like to get involved in federal races, though the station reports he has backed federal-office seekers in the past.

Ms. Sellers' explanation doesn't hold water. If Piyush had meant to say that he hadn't endorsed anyone yet, he would have said that. Don't piss on my leg and tell me that it's Senator Vitter, Bobby.

Sunday, September 05, 2010

An Entire Career, Summarized

Christopher Ryan:

Wonderful as it would be if Ms. McArdle's opinion of our book were to change when/if she gets around to actually reading it, I'm not holding my breath because I don't think she's responding to the substance of the book at all; she's responding to what it makes her feel, which is something entirely different.

Yes. It's a paycheck.

Update: Ann Alchouse throws her morning wood onto Meeegan's bonfire of the inanities.

(Via Fire Meeegan via Sadly, Bonobo!)

Thursday, September 02, 2010

How sleazy is Politico's Ben Smith?

Watch this:

A former aide to the McCain campaign got in touch with me this morning to cop to being the half-serious progenitor of a story which, embellished almost beyond recognition, appears in Vanity Fair's portrait today of Sarah Palin as monster.

Reports Vanity Fair:

Soon after her nomination, she brought up with McCain aides the subject of Bristol's out-of-wedlock pregnancy by Levi Johnston: "Would it be good for the campaign if they got married before the election?" she asked, and went on to wonder whether one weekend or another would be more advantageous for media coverage.

This anecdote first popped up in London's Sunday Times, a regular landing point for political anecdotes that the less credulous American press won't print without checking. From that story:

Inside John McCain's campaign the expectation is growing that there will be a popularity boosting pre-election wedding in Alaska between Bristol Palin, 17, and Levi Johnston, 18, her schoolmate and father of her baby. "It would be fantastic," said a McCain insider. "You would have every TV camera there. The entire country would be watching. It would shut down the race for a week."

The fantastic quote — and perhaps the clue that this one hadn't quite risen to the levels of the principals — is the guarantee that Levi would show: "“It’s a shotgun wedding. She kills things,” the source joked.

Smith assumes that Vanity Fair's version is a mistelling -- an embellishment -- of the Times story. (Weigel makes the same bonehead mistake.) But the Vanity Fair story recounts a discussion in which Palin speaks to McCain aides, and the Times article quotes an "insider" speculating to the press, off the record. Smith offers no evidence that Vanity Fair account came from his anonymous source, or that the two articles were referring to the same event.

There's no reason both things couldn't have happened -- Sharia making her statement to McCain campaign staffers while an entirely different staffer (or the same staffer who didn't want to attribute the source of his or her idea) blabbed his or her insipid thoughts to the Times. It's not only possible, it's plausible.

I don't care whether either story is true. The significance of the matter is that it demonstrates that Smith is a Palin fluffer who's willing to make unwarranted assumptions and slime other reporters in support of a fellow right-wing Republican. As far as can be determined from Smith's article, Smith didn't contact Vanity Fair to determine its source(s); he didn't contact Palin; he didn't even confirm that his source was also the Vanity Fair source. He just assumed his ass off. Smith strapped on the half-term Gubernatorial knee-pads and phonied up a bullshit defense.

At Politicho, that's par for the course.

As Seen On A Milk Carton

Could someone in the Los Angeles area please check up on Mickey Kaus? We don't want another Yolanda Schlessinger scenario.

Update: The midget hack has been spotted on Twitter. So he's only Yolanda Schlessinger from the neck down.

The fucking stupidest guy on the face of the earth finds a natural outlet for his abilities.

And the home of a lot of challengers for his title.