Thursday, December 31, 2009

Howie the Putz is spending today reflecting on his accomplishments of the past year:


Yesterday was Tiger's birthday. Bet he wished for a time machine.

9 minutes ago from web

Stay relevant, Howie!

Out With The Old

The prayers of a thousand c-list wingnut talkers have been denid by a cruel God.

The Republican Party has developed laryngitis for the immediate future.

Wingnut welfare is drying up.

And I feel fine.

Happy New Year to all.

Let's have the best decade of our lives. This could be the best decade ever.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Aloha Oe

Ann Alchouse uses the occasion of Rush Limbaugh's Come-to-Cheney moment to wax moronic on health care reform:

I'm impressed that it took 12 comments before anyone at Politico said that (or anything like that) after a report that Rush Limbaugh has been hospitalized with chest pains and is in "serious" condition.

ADDED: Much re-tweeted at Twitter: "The people calling for Rush Limbaugh to die are the same people who ask to control your healthcare."

I suppose lying about political opponents is the most fitting way to honor Big Pharma. Although Limbaugh's problem was always too much access to health care, not too little. When Rusty goes, it's not going to be the people "calling for" his death who did him in.

May Rusty get the care that everyone deserves.

(No link to Professor Pickle.)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

So who gets custody of James Guckert?

And does the other one get custody of Perino?

Fight The Power

I've found the perfect case for Dr. Mrs. Instacracker and the men's rights movement.

After they've proven that Charlie Sheen is the real victim, of course.

The way certain women manipulate the legal system to deny fathers their rights is unconscionable. Boys need a father!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Thank God Tedd Petruna was on Northwest Flight 253.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

1,270 Miles

The moment you've all be waiting for:

The King William's College Quiz

Update: Here's an easier and quicker one. My score: 44 out of 70 (and I got the Orly Taitz question wrong!)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

"The best thing about Mark Steyn's guest-host stint on Hannity last night — other than Jonah's joining him on the panel — was that Mark asked some pointed questions of two brilliant political strategists, Dick Morris and Karl Rove...."

As John Kennedy would have said, that is the most extraordinary collection of human evil and banality that has ever been gathered together in one place – with the possible exception of when Hitler hosted a pedophile convention.

(From The Corner; it's but not worth the effort.)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Christmas No. 1

Update: Never would have seen that coming.

Constitutional Commentary From A Christmas Cracker

Ho ho ho:

"Bottom line is Christmas is about Christmas," said Erin Ryan, president of the Redding Tea Party Patriots. "That's why we have it. It's not about winter solstice or Kwanzaa. It's like, 'wow you guys, it's called Christmas for a reason.' "

Ryan said Hyatt's initiative [requiring public schools to play Christmas carols] falls under the umbrella of causes the group supports, which concern limited government, following the constitution and fiscal responsibility.

Totally. For sure.

Sarah, Sexting

Imagine being the stooge who has to write "tweets" in the voice of Sharia Plain:

Copenhgen=arrogance of man2think we can change nature's ways.MUST b good stewards of God's earth,but arrogant&naive2say man overpwers nature BRB PIR

Palin isn't trying to change the debate on climate change, or even to debate climate change, with this dumbfuckery. She's just trying to change the microclimate in Little Dick Lowry's pants and stimulate the suckers who buy books with their other head.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Cockslapalypse Now

900 Foot Jesus Wept

Shorter Richard Cohen

Kati Marton? Never heard of her!

(More here)

By the way, Little Dickie concludes his just askin' column like this:

The reason the Glass Ceiling has not broken is that women have other priorities — maintaining relationships and being a mother. This is the way it is, and this is the way it has always been.

Or perhaps it's the hostile work environment.

Fuck Richard Cohen.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Dr. Strangelove's Son, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying And Use My Parents' Credit Cards

I'll see you, Roy, and I'll raise you ... in hell!

This shouldn't surprise you:

Special Thanks to:
Dr. Michael Apuzzo
Helene Apuzzo
The Murty and Apuzzo families
Irvin Kershner
Gretchen Brooks
Rebecca Julian

Sunday, December 13, 2009

We WERE Greeted As Liberators

Alexander Hamilton is spinning in his grave, and Rupert Murdoch's latest hire is rubbing up against the gravestone:

But I must say, I was buying the Liberator [sex aid] and I was watching the demonstration video for all the different positions and I was thinking about my boyfriend at the time, and it got me super turned on . . . just thinking about him and us, and exploring all the different positions on this thing.

I've gotta say, if Rupe thinks anyone's going to pay for that content, he doesn't know the internet.

Old Ash appears to be wandering into Dick Morris/David Vitter territory. (Link SFW.)

Worst Books of the Decade

"There's nothing worse than being told something is wonderful only to discover it's actually The Impressionist by Hari Kunzru."

Whatever you do, don't send Sam Jordison Liberal Fascism: An I Can Write It All By Myself Beginner Book, which will be topping lists of the century's worst books ninety years from now.

Here's one website's list of the worst books of all times. Seems pretty accurate, except for the omission of the Pantload and Jeffrey Archer's works from the top 100.

Roger's Book Sac

Kudos to Mark Kleiman, whose worthy tome has made the Economist's Best of 2009 list:

When Brute Force Fails: How to Have Less Crime and Less Punishment. By Mark Kleiman. Princeton University Press; 256 pages; $29.95 and £20.95 America has one prisoner for every hundred adults—a rate unprecedented in American history and unmatched anywhere in the world. Brute-force crime control has been a costly mistake, both socially and financially. Mr Kleiman shows how smarter enforcement strategies are more successful and make existing budgets go further. An important book that deserves a wider readership.

A link to might have helped, Economist.

Video here.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Who will be the first wingnut to cite this story as proof that health care reform is unnecessary?

Or am I too late?

The Patriot Act

Patriot Pat has been a naughty mascot:

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A man who acts as a mascot for the New England Patriots is among 14 people who have been arrested for prostitution-related crimes in Rhode Island since a new law went into effect that banned indoor prostitution.

The bill signed into law in November made prostitution a misdemeanor crime regardless of where it occurs. Previously, indoor prostitution was allowed because of a legal loophole.

State Police say Robert Sormanti of Warwick was among those arrested in an undercover sting at a hotel. The Providence Journal reports Sormanti is among the team's mascots.

The Patriots said in a statement that multiple people wear the mascot costume and that the "individual in question" has been suspended.

It was easy to pick Pat out of a lineup.

I'm surprised to hear indoor prostitution was legal in Rhode Island. Who would have sex outdoors in Rhode Island? (More about the law here.)

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

A White Christmas

The usual bedwetters are up in arms that the New York Times has published an supplement pandering to consumers which highlights on one page "gifts created for and by people of color this holiday season." These automatic splutterers are outraged that non-whites not only manufacture and purchase merchandise, but also are allowed to recieve and enjoy gifts.

Said bedwetters have not yet turned their fauxtrage to the National Review's promotion of merchandise to pale parents which contains the following colorful dialogue:

“Yasser. Fokes dunner w’at bin yit, let ’lone w’at gwinter be. Niggers is niggers now, but de time wuz w’en we ’uz all niggers tergedder.”

“When was that, Uncle Remus?”

“Way back yander. In dem times we ’uz all an us black; we ’uz all niggers tergedder, en ’cordin’ ter all de ’counts w’at I years fokes ’uz gittin’ ’long ’bout ez well in dem days ez dey is now. But atter ’w’ile de news come dat dere wuz a pon’ er water some’rs in de naberhood, w’ich ef dey’d git inter dey’d be wash off nice en w’ite, en den one un urn, he fine de place en make er splange inter de pon’, en come out w’ite ez a town gal. En den, bless grashus! w’en de fokes seed it, dey make a break fer de pon’, en dem w’at wuz de soopless, dey got in fus’ en dey come out w’ite; en dem w’at wuz de nex’ soopless, dey got in nex’, en dey come out merlatters; en dey wuz sech a crowd un um dat dey mighty nigh use de water up, w’ich w’en dem yuthers come long, de morest dey could do wuz ter paddle about wid der foots en dabble in it wid der han’s. Dem wuz de niggers, en down ter dis day dey ain’t no w’ite ’bout a nigger ’ceppin de pa’ms er der han’s en de soles er der foot.”

Just like the gifts in the Times, the Complete Tales of Uncle Remus can be given by or to anyone. Unlike the Times selections, Uncle Remus will be repulsive to people of every hue.

The Hora, The Hora

Orrin Hatch has written and performed a Hanukkah song:

Hanukkah, Hanukkah, the festival of lights
I love my Hebrew brothers; you're almost good as whites
You are moatly bluish; we come from states of red
That's okay, we'll just baptize you when you're dead

Senator Hatch is accompanied by Attorney General John Ashcroft on the violin, and Larry Craig on the shofar. And he's already booked for next year's Chabad Telethon.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Due to other commitments, the annual Roger Ailes gift guide will not be up this weekend, as I'd originally planned.

Just send me cash. Is Worthless

Not completely. If you need to find out whether that internet coupon for a free small Coke at Mountain Mike's Pizza is fake, is the place to go.  If you're interested in the facts concerning something more substantive, Snopes is worthless.

Look at this recent analysis:

Claim: Account describes Muslims engaging in a "dry run" hijacking of Flight 297.

[Snopes' evaluation:] MIXTURE

Of course, the claim is literally true. There is an "account" -- an e-mail -- which describes such a scenario. But the e-mail is pure bullshit. And even before the airline, AirTran, debunked the e-mail by proving that the purported author wasn't on Flight 297, there was no evidence -- and Snopes cites none -- that the conflict between a flight attendant and a passenger involved a "dry run" for a highjacking or even a Muslim. Yet Snopes doesn't call the account FALSE. (Steves M. and Benen have more details on Flight 297 and the bullshit e-mail.)

Snopes -- by which I mean those frauds, Barbara and David P. Mikkelson -- doesn't have the integrity to dispel the wingnut fantasy for the lie it is. Calling this story a "Mixture" is like applying the same label to the tale that, on Monday, November 30, 2009, I flew to the moon on a lead ballon where I had sex with Linda Evangelista and posted to this blog 17 times. Because part of that is true.

Here's another example:

Letter purportedly written by nonagenarian Navy veteran criticizes President Obama


Some codger supposedly writes a letter to Obama, filled with the bullshit he heard on talk radio, and Snopes declares the rumor "Correctly Attributed" because the geezer supposedly wrote the letter. (Snopes claims to have verified the authorship; in truth, they never spoke with the geezer, and relied on a third-hand account that the old fart dictated the letter to a secretary.) But the letter is filled with demonstrable falsehoods(*) which Snopes doesn't even bother to debunk.

No one gives a toss that some obscure doddering fool "wrote" a nasty letter to Obama. There are a million crackpots writing a million crackpot letters to politicians and public figures every year. What's significant is the substance of the letter, which is filled with fabrications. Snopes has no interest in those, even though the the idiot Palin and others are endorsing those lies.

I don't know whether the Mikkelsons are right-wing hacks, but they're definitely incompetent hacks.

Update: The Flight 297 e-mailer, Teddy Petruna, claims, in conversation with a wingnut columnist, that he was in fact on the flight. Let's assess his credibility:

Even as people scrambled to substantiate the e-mail, Muslim and leftist Web sites began characterizing the writer and anyone who thought it might have merit as "right wing racists." They immediately initiated a campaign to discredit and ridicule the writer, who actually had the audacity to speak boldly about the escalating fear and anger on the flight, though he admitted to me yesterday he'd taken artistic license with a couple points, never imagining it would travel beyond his circle of friends. He's not a journalist, and has no wish to become the next Joe the Plumber, he said.

A "couple points" of fabrication. Not surprisingly, Tedd and his scrivener aren't too specific about the specific lies Tedd told. But it was certainly boldly audacious of Tedd to send a private e-mail to friends in which he portrayed himself as a hero, believing his facts wouldn't be checked. The Audacity of Soft-Soap, one might call it. Meanwhile, Tedd's scrivener claims to be "regular folk" looking for "the truth," even as she covers up for Tedd and attacks those attempting to discredit his admittedly bogus e-mail.

* Most are lies about Obama himself, but, among the most eggregious of the falsehoods is the claim that "500,000 men died" in the Civil War "for" "the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man." Sorry, gramps, but your fellow crackers died because they were against that ideal, and nowhere near 500,000 Americans died in the Civil War.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Birther Duh Nation Has A Favorite Daughter*

Now that Sharia Plain has made her bid for the Birther wing of the Republican Party, what will Mittens, Newt, Huckabee and Pawlenty do to up the ante? Surely they won't concede the G.O.P.'s biggest voting bloc to Palin, Dobbs and Keyes.

* Ms. Taitz is barred from becoming President, due to a Constitutional conspiracy involving the Founders and Eric Holder.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

NOT On Roger's List

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas at the National Review Book Service's "Christmas For Conservatives" webpage. Bargain-minded shoppers can take advantage of these "twofer" deals on items no literate conservative home should be without:

Buy The "Official 2009 White House Christmas Ornament" with:
Muslim Mafia: Inside the Secret Underworld that's Conspiring to Islamize America
by P. David Gaubatz and Paul Sherry
List Price : $50.90
Buy Together: $44.90 (Save 12%)

Buy Still Standing [by Carrie Prejean] with:
The American Boy's Handy Book
by Daniel C. Beard
List Price : $40.94
Buy Together: $29.90 (Save 27%)

Buy The Complete Tales of Uncle Remus with:
The Christmas Sweater
by Glenn Beck
List Price : $52.99
Buy Together: $43.90 (Save 17%)

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Over at Jake Tosser's Political Cockpunch, one of Tosser's interns smarms it up on behalf of the boss:

Golf Digest Asks -- What Can President Obama Learn from Tiger Woods?

And I do mean intern. Spreading Tosser's sleaze must be better a career path than that peace shit.

Rush and Kate Minus Eight

Big Pharma's marrying a gal named Kathryn. But not named Lopez. Sadly, she was too old for Rush. All that opposition to marriage equality, for nothing!

Obliviously We Roll Along

Yes, he said it:

The role of stigma in a free society is one of the least appreciated topics in modern discourse, I think.

Monday, November 30, 2009

JonJon Meacham writes about the aftermath of Liz Cheney's promotion of Dick2012! bid:

After Liz Cheney's remark on Fox News, a flood of subsequent e-mails asked her, "Where do I sign up?"

Think about this for a minute.

Did JonJon actually see the e-mails? Or did Liz tell him about the e-mails, mostly likely in the V.I.P. orgy room at Morning Joe? If the latter, shouldn't JonJon have written: "Liz Cheney asserts that her e-mail box was flooded... and I couldn't be bothered to find out what she meant by 'flooded.'"

More fundamentally, who has Liz Cheney's e-mail address? Not very many people, and even fewer Dick-haters, I'd wager. So why is JonJon breathlessly spreading rumors about the contents of Liz's in box as if they have any significance? Are suck-up e-mails the new

And, really, JonJon -- "After ... a flood of subsequent ...." Doesn't Newsweek have any editors?

Link via Blue Texan at FDL

Spencer Ackerman pimp slaps Fred Barnes:

That means by the end of Obama's first year in office, he'll have ordered more troops into the Afghan war than were there when he was elected president. Believing that Obama would oppose a U.S. troop increase under a counterfactional conditional requires actively ignoring shitloads of evidence. In fairness, if you read Barnes's book about Bush, you’ll learn that under the ex-president's stewardship, "al Qaeda and the Taliban had been subdued in Afghanistan," making this whole war thing rather hard to understand.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Headlines We'd Like to See

Golfer Woods Slams Caddy Into Tree

What, all the good headline writers took the weekend off?

Update (11/30):

Howard Kurtz: Why do you call me "Short Game," Russell?

Russell: You're all putz.

School For Scandalmongerers

This Climategate "scandal" isn't getting much traction outside the wingnutosphere. Perhaps if Jim Hoft dressed up as a pimp, and persuaded Al Roker to raise his 5-day forecast by five degrees in exchange for full service from Mark Steyn, the mainstream media would give it more attention.

I'm sure Hoft would jump at the opportunity.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Logrolling for Dick

CNN is retyping the press releases for a new "Draft Cheney" website:

Washington (CNN) – A new group wants former Vice President Dick Cheney back in the White House.

The organization - "Draft Dick Cheney 2012" - launched on Friday, and unveiled their new Web site. Their aim: To convince the former vice president to seek the Republican presidential nomination in the next race for the White House. But there may be a major roadblock to the group's pitch - Cheney himself.

"The 2012 race for the Republican nomination for President will be about much more then who will be the party's standard bearer against Barack Obama, the race is about the heart and soul of the GOP," said Christopher Barron, one of the organizers of the Draft Cheney movement. "There is only one person in our party with the experience, political courage and unwavering commitment to the values that made our party strong – and that person is Dick Cheney."

The movement's website itself looks more like a store for crap political merchandise than a credible campaign to draft Darth Dick. You can give $2,300.00 to the draft movement, and buy Cheney 2012 "apparal," but there's not much on how the movement plans to entice Dick back into the arena.

And these particular Dickophiles won't get much support once Republicans get a look at their leader:

GOPROUD, the new 527 group, will launch next week, according to a media advisory. The contact given for the group is Christopher Barron, a former Log Cabin political director who broke with the group.

"Essentially, there's no voice for gay Republicans or gay conservatives in particular in D.C. right now. Log Cabin has been completely and totally absent here in D.C. for months and months," Barron said. "It has simply moved way too far to the left and is basically indistinguishable from any other gay left organization." ...

His group would, he said, focus on traditional Republican issues like private health care and private savings accounts.

Many Republican dead-enders love dick, just not in that way. The bigots and bloodlusters who make up Dick Cheney's fan base aren't going to be led by a gay man, let alone subsidize him.

It's just as well Draft Cheney isn't going anywhere. Dicky's ticker wouldn't survive the eight more years of college and attempts at procreation necessary to avoid the draft.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Wedding Planner

Since sex and drugs are the only sane reasons to be a libertarian, how do you explain this?

I'd snark, but given Megan and I frequently make CBO jokes when drawing up wedding budgets, it's probably best I refrain.

I suppose when your livelihood involves astroturfing for Dick Armey, you take your pleasure where you can find it.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Frank Rich caught the same whiff of brimstone from Palin's faux-philo-Semitism as I did:

but when Barbara Walters did ask some, Palin either recycled Dick Cheney verbatim (Obama is “dithering”) or ran aground. Her argument for why “Jewish settlements” should be expanded on the West Bank was that “more and more Jewish people will be flocking to Israel in the days and weeks and months ahead.” It was unclear what she was talking about — unless it was the “rapture” theology that requires the mass return of Jews to settle the Holy Land as a precondition for the return of Christ.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Those of you doing your early holiday shopping for your good pal Roger might wish to click here.

The one that comes with the bottle of Patrón is my favorite.

I Want My Apocalypse Now

WALTERS: The Obama administration does not want Israel to build any more settlements on what they consider Palestinian territory. What is your view on this?

PALIN: I disagree with the Obama administration on that. I believe that the Jewish settlements should be allowed to be expanded upon, because that population of Israel is, is going to grow. More and more Jewish people will be flocking to Israel in the days and weeks and months ahead. And I don’t think that the Obama administration has any right to tell Israel that the Jewish settlements cannot expand

WALTERS: Even if it's [in] Palestinian areas?

PALIN: I believe that the Jewish settlements should be allowed to be expand.

Why will "more and more" Jews be "flocking to Israel in the days and weeks and months ahead"? And why might Sharia Plain want them to?

Though there are myriad interpretations of how it will play out, the basic Christian apocalyptic countdown - as described by the Book of Revelation in the New Testament - is as follows:

Jews return to Israel after 2,000 years, the Holy Temple is rebuilt, billions of people perish during seven years of natural disasters and plagues, the antichrist arises and rules the world, the battle of Armageddon erupts in the vicinity of Israel, Jesus returns to defeat Satan's armies and preside over Judgment Day.

That would be darn awesome!

The First Lunar War

Internecine combat has broken out in Wingnuttia, between Richard "Minty" Miniter and two of the conservatismdom's biggest organs. Minty has now lawyered up with another wingnut organ, Krazy Kounsellor Klayman.

Let the games begin!

Richard Miniter, the ousted editor, made headlines this week claiming that he was "coerced" into attending a Unification Church mass wedding conducted by church's leader, Rev. Sun Myung Moon. He also claimed age discrimination—he's 42—and has said that the Times didn't want to pay his high salary. His complaint to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission was reported first by Talking Points Memo.

His lawyer, Larry Klayman, hoped the EEOC complaint would lead to a deal, but he says that hasn't happened and tomorrow he plans to step up his legal attack on the newspaper. "You ain't seen nothing yet," he says.

This isn't Miniter's first legal tussle with a publisher. Whispers learns that he recently lost a case with his book publisher, Regnery Publishing Inc., and was having his Times biweekly wages garnished. Under the court order, he was paying $1,325.08 out of each paycheck as he worked off a $159,428.28 judgment.

According to documents in U.S. District Court case No. 08-709, Regnery paid the New York Times bestselling author $238,333 in advance royalties for two books. The first payment was for Disinformation . He was to get another $116,667 when the manuscript of his second book was delivered. But the two got in a fight over the second book, and it was never written. Miniter suggested a book titled Hunting Zarqawi and said he'd need $96,206 to research it. Regnery balked, and the arbitrator agreed that Regnery wasn't required to pay anything before receiving the manuscript of the second book. The federal court ordered his wages garnished beginning in March.

Of course, now Miniter isn't being paid, the result of his ouster, and it is unclear how the judgment would continue if the Times makes a deal.

Miniter is also involved in another case with Eagle Publishing Inc., in which he and others claim they weren't paid proper royalties.

Is there such a thing as a cesspool of vipers?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Real America

Wes Pruden's dad, being a natural-born citizen, was able to show little Wes what the real America is all about:

Born and raised in Arkansas, Pruden has a deep-rooted affection for Dixie. His father, the Rev. Wesley Pruden Sr., was a leading spokesperson for Little Rock's racist Capital Citizens Council, which fought bitterly against school desegregation in the 1950s and 1960s. During the landmark confrontations at Little Rock High School in 1957, when President Dwight Eisenhower sent National Guard troops to protect nine black teenagers as they entered the white school, Pruden Sr. reportedly told the assembled mob: "That's what we've got to fight! Niggers, Communists, and cops!"

Little Wesley learned his lessons well, stating in 1988, "God bless the Confederate States of America." He regrets only that his daddy didn't lynch the President's father when such things were the order of the day in "the American mainstream."

Monday, November 16, 2009

Meet Your Liberal Media

Chunky David Faustino (or it is Chunky Kenny Craig?) has been given a blog by The New York Times, where he's allowed, if not encouraged, to spout drivel such as this gem declaring that anti-choicers are the new feminists.

Next up, Scott Roeder is the new Sojourner Truth, plus Ross' letters to Frumhouse Forum (NSFW).

Ross has wisely decided to moderate comments to his blog, so no one can remind Times' readers of the quality of Ross' work before he was given a Times column. Although it can't hurt to try.

Friday, November 13, 2009


Did the RNC's health insurance coverage pay for the nineteen rubber johnnies that Blake Hall disposed of on his former girlfriend's lawn?

If so, will he be forced to resort to direct deposit now that the policy's being changed?

For I Was Hungry, But The District Recognized Gay Marriage, So You Let Me Starve to Death

The very Christ-like Catholic Church takes a stand:

The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington said Wednesday that it will be unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn't change a proposed same-sex marriage law, a threat that could affect tens of thousands of people the church helps with adoption, homelessness and health care.

Under the bill, headed for a D.C. Council vote next month, religious organizations would not be required to perform or make space available for same-sex weddings. But they would have to obey city laws prohibiting discrimination against gay men and lesbians.

Fearful that they could be forced, among other things, to extend employee benefits to same-sex married couples, church officials said they would have no choice but to abandon their contracts with the city.

"If the city requires this, we can't do it," Susan Gibbs, spokeswoman for the archdiocese, said Wednesday. "The city is saying in order to provide social services, you need to be secular. For us, that's really a problem."

Then don't take the millions of dollars ($8.2M from 2006-2008, according the article) that the District gives you. That money can be given to actual humanitarian organizations, and you can spend your parishoners' money on the Pope's latest Prada outfits, incense and buying the silence of former altar boys. Ptoblem solved.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Grand Old Police Blotter: Blake's Semen Edition

If you're a Republican, a little thing like a criminal conviction's not going to keep you from collecting a public paycheck:
But [Blake] Hall, 56, will keep his $31,000-a-year job as the civil attorney in nearby Fremont County, according to Prosecutor Joette Lookabaugh, a Republican who hired Hall in January.

Lookabaugh said she told Hall he would keep his job "unless or until his ability to do an outstanding job for Fremont County citizens is compromised."

In a news release, Lookabaugh suggested Hall was singled out because of his notoriety.

"I understand that political figures are held to a higher standard," she said. "What is disturbing is the fact that often people who have devoted their lives to public service are not given the same benefits, or are treated more harshly, than the public at large. There seems to be a certain amount of political glee in striking down the well-known for any real or perceived foible."

And what made Hall so notorious, foible-wise?

Blake Hall, a leading figure in Idaho and national politics for 25 years, was fired Monday as a deputy prosecuting attorney in eastern Idaho and has resigned from the Republican National Committee.

Hall, a former member of the state Board of Education, pleaded guilty Friday to stalking a former girlfriend and is serving a 15-day jail sentence. He also was sentenced to a year of supervised probation. A six-month jail sentence was suspended.

Idaho Falls police reported that witnesses said Hall disposed of used condoms on the lawn of the woman's house. Nineteen condoms were turned over to police, collected on 10 different dates, according to a police report. Both Hall and his lawyer acknowledged the condoms belonged to him, according to a police report.

Also, between March and August, Hall repeatedly followed the woman to restaurants, the movies and her home, and he ignored her repeated requests that he leave her alone, according to police and court records.

But that's not the part that was disturbing to Joette.

Rest assured, members of the Idaho State Bar. If you're a nobody who stalks and harasses a woman and deposits your used scumbags on the woman's lawn, you'll get just the same consideration of your resume from Fremont County as does a politically-connected sex offender applying for the same position. And apparently the State won't yank your license!

Blake's got some mad civil litigation skills, too, according to the police report (see sidebar in above link):

I asked Hall if he left the condoms on the _________ property. Hall told me that he did not. I aksed him if we would find his DNA within the bodly fluids inside the condoms. Hall paused, and then told me it was possible that __________ had gotten into his trash, removed the condoms, and placed them on her own lawn (over a period of several weeks). Hall told me that this might possibly explain how the condoms did originate from him.

A genius like that could tell a jury anything. Although I suspect he'll have trouble finding many people who will make a handshake deal with him.

It won't surprise anyone that Hall owns a red BMW, a red Lexus and a purple Honda Ridgeline.

(Link via Wonkette.)

The Rasmussen Distort

Is there a more worthless polling organziation than Rasmussen? (Don't worry, Frank Luntz, we haven't forgotten you and your grease-laden rug!)

Here's Scotty Rasmussen's latest dump:

Sixty percent (60%) of likely voters nationwide say last week's shootings at Fort Hood should be investigated by military authorities as a terrorist act.

The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that just 27% want the incident investigated by civilian authorities as a criminal act. Another 13% are not sure.

In order of importance:

Does that 60 percent want military authorities to conclude that the shootings were a terroist act? If so, they don't want an investigation at all.

In the real world, the options aren't simply (1) investigation by the military as a terrorist act or (2) investigation by civilian authorities as a criminal act. The military investigates crimes which aren't terrorist acts and civil authorities investigate crimes which are terrorist acts. Both can investigate either, and they can investigate simultaneously. The question forces the respondents to make a false choice, except for that 13 percent that undoubtedly told Scotty Rasmussen to go fuck himself with a bent poll.

And why is Scotty polling likely voters? Do we get to vote on who conducts the investigation?

It's obvious what's going on. Scotty knows that most people understand a shooting by military officer who kills military personnel on a military base will be, and should be, investigated by the military. But he wants people to say the shooting was a terrorist act. So he drafts a question that gets people who recognize the former to say the latter.

Scotty's just another scumbag who exploits a tragedy for political purposes. No wonder he's got Mickey Kaus' endorsement on his website.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Shorter Ann Althouse: Harvey Levin is a Jewy un-Christian Jew. Who seeks to destroy young Christian women through his un-Christian acts.

This from the dimwit who claimed that Michael Moore's latest film was anti-Semitic because some of the capitalists featured were Jewish. As ever, Alchouse speaks out of both sides of her ass.

At least she hasn't given up her obsession with young women's breasts.

Warning: link to the Alchouse.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

I hate shit like this:
One Democratic strategist said that shortly after an appearance on Fox he got a phone call from a White House official telling him not to be a guest on the show again. The call had an intimidating tone, he said.

The message was, "We better not see you on again," said the strategist, who spoke on condition of anonymity so as not to run afoul of the White House. An implicit suggestion, he said, was that "clients might stop using you if you continue."

In urging Democratic consultants to spurn Fox, White House officials might be trying to isolate the network and make it appear more partisan.
And by shit, I mean journalism by Peter Nicholas.

The first paragraph asserts a claim from an anonymous source, concerning an unnamed offical, and the second and third paragraphs assume the claim to be true. The article makes no effort to inform the reader as to what motive anon. might have in making the claim, what anon.'s political views are, whether anon. had another candidate in '08, etc. By refusing to identify the "White House official," the author makes it impossible to rebut the claim with an unequivocal denial. And, of course, any douchebag can call him or herself a Democratic strategist (see Marshall Wittman, Dan Gerstein, etc.).

The article goes on to quote Pat Caddell, DILDO (Democrat In the Last Decade Only). (Yes, this is incorrect, because Caddell hasn't been a Dem. for more than 20 years (see below), but DMT20YAO is not as snappy.)
But Patrick Caddell, a Fox News contributor and a former pollster for Democratic President Jimmy Carter, said he has spoken to Democratic consultants who have been told by the White House to avoid appearances on Fox. He declined to give their names.

Caddell said he had not gotten that message himself from the White House. "They know better than to tell me anything like that," he said.
Very butch, Pattycakes! Just like the White House knows better than to tell Sean Hannity not to appear on FOX News. There's some people you just don't push around.
Here's what Nicholas fails to tell you about FOX News' own Jack Elam:
In 1988, Caddell left the Democratic Party after an acrimonious lawsuit with a Democratic consulting firm. Republicans would often cite Caddell's tirades against the Democratic Party on the floor of the House and the Senate.

His analysis on polls and campaign issues often puts him at odds with the current leadership of the Democratic Party. He has been criticized as often attacking Democratic politicians and predicting the downfall of the Democratic party. Critics point out that he has defended the Bush administration by claiming that Republicans did not exploit the issue of gay marriage in the presidential election of 2004. He also referred to Democrats in the House who voted against the Palm Sunday Compromise, which sought to reinstate Terri Schiavo's feeding tube, as "cold blooded" and denounced them.
Nicholas quotes an anonymous (and most likely, pretend) Dem. and a Frozen Caveman Dem. from the Miami Vice era to bash the Obama White House. To be any more dishonest, he'd have to disinter Strom Thurmond and have his remains denounce Barry X on behalf of the Democratic Party.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Ailes Exclusive: Stills From THE TAPE

I didn't realize it was so public.

That's what I call "Values!"

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Grand Old Police Blotter: Guiliani Partners In Crime Edition

The homeland feels more secure already:

Bernard B. Kerik, New York City’s former police commissioner, is expected to plead guilty on Thursday to a single conspiracy charge in an agreement that would resolve the three pending federal criminal trials he faces in New York and Washington, people with knowledge of the matter said Wednesday. The deal, they say, could send him to jail for almost three years.

I wish no harm to Judy Regan's consort, but I'm guessing the man is feeling nostaligic for the Green Zone right about now.

P.S. Heh.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Here's how you hold onto a seat:

In early returns, Garamendi led Republican David Harmer by 57 percent to 38 percent. Green Party candidate Jeremy Cloward, American Independent Jerome Denham and Peace and Freedom candidate Mary McIlroy were far behind.

Like a contested congressional race in New York and gubernatorial showdowns in Virginia and New Jersey, conservatives sought to portray the election results in the Bay Area congressional contest as a referendum on President Obama's administration and a harbinger of voter attitudes for the 2010 midterm elections.

Actually, most wingnuts realized Harmer was in for a gigantic ass-kicking, and pretended the race didn't exist. But here's some good news:

Garamendi said a representative from Pelosi's office urged him to fly to Washington, D.C., today so he could be sworn into office on Thursday.

"I may very well be there this weekend to provide a critical vote on health care," Garamendi told The Chronicle Tuesday. "I would be very happy to make that yes vote my first vote in Congress."

David Hasselhoff No Longer The Biggest Loser With "Hoff" in His Name

Kudos to the Republican Party for losing a lock twice, first with their own candidate, and then with their adopted one.

As for you, Doug E. Fail, the next time you run for election, try doing it with campaign workers smart enough not to drive over broken glass and without the racist dregs of the internet and basic cable.

Monday, November 02, 2009

The best revenge would be to offer Christie a wafer-thin mint.

(Yes, I am sure 100 people have already proffered this gag.)

Friday, October 30, 2009

Self-administered breast examinations save lives.

Ignorance kills.

This dude needs to give himself a rectal exam with a 12-inch Cheney.

I say it because I care.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Libertarian Snark

Megan McArdle attempts snark:
The fact that all free market, small government efforts are entirely funded by a combination of three scary billionaires, and a bunch of big self-interested corporations, is a sort of stylized fact among a certain portion of the progressive media. Apparently, checking this theory would be like trying to get three separate sourcs [sic] to tell you that the sky is blue.
And which proggy fishwrap is the target of McArdle's scathing, subliterate remarks? The Nation? The Daily Worker? Let's see:
About VoIP News

VoIP News is a long-running news and information publication covering all aspects of the VoIP and Internet Telephony marketplaces. It was recently acquired by Tippit Inc. and has been relaunched as the premier source worldwide for business VoIP information. The site provides original content covering news, events and background information in the VoIP market. It has strong relationships with members of the VoIP community and is rapidly building a unique, high-quality community of VoIP users and vendors.

Advertise with VoIP News

VoIP News provides a variety of advertising opportunities for businesses operating in the VoIP marketplace

•High-quality, targeted performance-based lead generation services
•Newsletter sponsorship
•Resource center sponsorship
•Display advertising
•Vendor directory listings
•Marketplace listings

If you are interested in finding out more, please email

For more information about editorial content, download our editorial calendar.
(Internal link added.)

Fucking lying commies! The only outfit with lower editorial standards is The Atlantic.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Mentally Substandard

Dig this crazy insight from Matty Incontinenti:

"It was telling that Fey should be the actress who impersonated Palin. The two women may look like each other, but they could not be more dissimilar. Each exemplifies a different category of feminism. Palin comes from the I-can-do-it-all school. She is professionally successful, has been married for more than 20 years, and has a large and (from all outward appearances) happy family. And while Fey is also pretty, married, and has a daughter, the characters she portrays in films like Mean Girls and Baby Mama, and in television shows like 30 Rock, are hard-pressed eggheads who give up personal fulfillment—e.g., marriage and motherhood—in the pursuit of professional success," he writes. "On 30 Rock, Fey, who is also the show's chief writer and executive producer, plays Liz Lemon, a television comedy writer modeled on herself. Liz Lemon is smart, funny, and at the top of her field. But she fails elsewhere. None of her relationships with men works out. She wants desperately to raise a child but can find neither the time nor the means to marry or adopt. Lemon makes you laugh, for sure. But you also would be hard pressed to name a more unhappy person on American TV."

Fey is a successful television producer, comic actress and writer who portrays, successfully, an unhappy unmarried character. Thus, she is unlike Sarah Palin, who doesn't portray an unhappy unmarried character on the teevee.

The contrast you're looking for, Matty, is this: People laugh with Fey, they laugh at Palin.

Update: Curses! Foiled again by Steve M.!

Monday, October 26, 2009


National Review remains on the cutting edge of technology:
If you like what you hear, and you will, then you’ll want to sign up for the next three editions: including this Wednesday, October 28th at 7:30. Your host, NR Editor Rich Lowry, will be joined by Senior Editor Ramesh Ponnuru and Contributing Editor Andrew McCarthy for an exciting hour of discussion of current events — and answers for your (live) questions. The cost for the next three sessions (November 17 and December 15 are the two following dates) is only $19.95.


During the call Rich, Andy, and Ramesh will discuss the hottest issues of the day. You'll get the opportunity to ask questions, answer surveys, or you can just sit back and enjoy hearing these great pundits and observers make sense of the current political scene.

...Remember, the cost is only $19.95 (we will gladly bill you).
18 and over only. Must have a valid credit card.

Friday, October 23, 2009

This Would Be Good For The Hit Count

Friends and associates are encouraging Roger Ailes — Fox News founder, chairman and CEO — to jump into the political arena for real by running for President in 2012. "Ailes knows how to frame an issue better anybody and that's what we need now," says one Ailes friend who is encouraging him to run. Frank Luntz, for one, tells Playbook that Ailes could be a force if does it. "I have known Roger Ailes for 29 years," says Luntz. "No one knows how to win better than Roger."

Of course, the FFF has about as much chance of winning the nomination as Frank Luntz has of become a legitimate pollster -- or Mike Allen has of becoming a respected journalist. But I can dream.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

No, Yes, Yes, Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No and Not Even That

Ron Rosenbaum wakes up in a sewer and addresses its occupants:

Are you aware of the nature of Hitler's chief opposition, the German Social Democratic Party? Frankly I doubt it. As someone who has researched and written about the death-struggle between the German Social Democratic Party (yes, they were socialists! and pro-democracy!) and the Nazis (in Explaining Hitler), as someone who has spoken with aging German social democrats, whose fellow party members were murdered by Nazi thugs on the streets and in the concentration camps, I have to say to the Hitler mustache crew: Have you no shame, have you no decency? Have you no ability to read history? Are you not aware of how sickening your trivialization of Nazi evil is. You are traducing the memory of some of the bravest defenders of democracy in Germany by mimicking the Nazis' meretricious expropriation of the socialist name. Are you unable to distinguish between Nazi Germany and the democratic socialism of Sweden, say? Are you that detached from reality?

The German Social Democratic party fought the Nazis in the streets, in the press (see my chapter on the socialist anti-Hitler newspaper, The Munich Post) whose reporters risked their lives to warn the world about the evil brewing in Germany. Evil fomented by Nazi lies and violence. The German Social Democratic Party was, by the way, hated not just by the Nazis but by the Communists as well. Both totalitarian groups couldn’t abide a genuinely pro-democratic party. (Are you aware there’s a difference between democratic socialism and totalitarian communism? Whatever critique you have of the former, they were never mass murderers like the latter. Have you read anything but the Jonah Goldberg book?)
And they accused Fannie Mae of giving too much credit.

Warning: Link goes to Depends Media.

A Zen Koan from Jesus' Ex-Wife

"An e-mail, not from a mom yet"

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Grand Old Police Blotter: Jail to the Chief of Police Edition

Rudy Nine of Eleven's corrupt enforcer and the man George W. Bush wanted to head the Department of Homeland Security has gotten a new pad. One without a view of the ruins of the World Trade Towers or Judith Regan's naked flesh:

Bernard Kerik became the first NYPD commissioner to land in jail Tuesday after a judge revoked his bail for trying to taint the jury pool in his upcoming corruption trial.

Late last night Kerik was taken from White Plains Federal Court to the Westchester County Jail in Valhalla. His lawyers vowed a prompt appeal to try and get him out.

A furious Judge Stephen Robinson threw Kerik in the clink after prosecutors said the former top cop and the head of his legal defense fund engaged in a subversive campaign to sway potential jurors.

The judge blasted Kerik for ignoring his prior warnings to bar Anthony Modafferi, the head of the fund, from posting anti-prosecution rants on on the Internet.

"Mr. Kerik has a toxic combination of self-minded focus and arrogance that leads him to believe that the ends justify the means, that rules that apply to all don't apply to him in the same way, that rulings of the court are an inconvenience," Robinson said.

The one-time "hero" of 9/11 was led away by U.S. marshals after handing his red tie, religious medals and a ring to his lawyers, standard procedure for all prisoners.

Rudy Guiliani could not be reached for an implausible denial.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

This Just In: Water Is Wet

The episode that transfixed the nation last week — a spaceship-like balloon floating through the Colorado skies with a 6-year-old boy named Falcon believed to be inside — was declared “a hoax” by the Larimer County sheriff’s office on Sunday.

"It has been determined that this is a hoax, that it was a publicity stunt," the Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said at a news conference in Fort Collins, Colo., one day after re-interviewing members of the now-famous Heene family about the case. "We have evidence to indicate it was a publicity stunt done with the hope of marketing themselves to a realty [sic] television show sometime in the future."

Richard Heene and his wife Mayumi have not yet been arrested, but the sheriff said that among the charges being considered are three felonies: conspiracy between the husband and the wife to commit a crime, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and an attempt to influence a public servant, the last of which carries a prison term of six years. The charges could also include a misdemeanor, filing a false report.

True liberal that I am, I refuse to endorse torture or the death penalty for these people, no matter how much it is warranted. Although I admit to wavering as applied to Wolf Blitzer.

Where Does The Time Go?

Crap. Another week with no posts. Someone has to be held accountable.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Learn to Write, Morans

A professional writer:

I guess I must hate America, but I actually think it's kind of ludicrous that anyone is even trying to argue that Barack Obama truly deserves this Nobel Peace Prize.


Perhaps I hate America, but it's ludicrous to argue that Barack Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.

Friday, October 09, 2009

What Mickey Kaus Should Do With Food And Water

Biggest upset since I was robbed of the Man Booker Prize.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

'Jew Read Ann Alchouse's Latest Inanity?

Attention/Moisture seeker Ann Althouse is back on the crazy wagon again. She reviews Capitalism: A Love Story by the Fat One as follows:

The most striking thing in the movie was the religion. I think Moore is seriously motivated by Christianity. He says he is (and has been since he was a boy). And he presented various priests, Biblical quotations, and movie footage from "Jesus of Nazareth" to make the argument that Christianity requires socialism. With this theme, I found it unsettling that in attacking the banking system, Moore presented quite a parade of Jewish names and faces. He never says the word "Jewish," but I think the anti-Semitic theme is there. We receive long lectures about how capitalism is inconsistent with Christianity, followed a heavy-handed array of — it's up to you to see that they are — Jewish villains.

Am I wrong to see Moore as an anti-Semite? I don't know, but the movie worked as anti-Semitic propaganda. I had to struggle to fight off the idea the movie seemed to want to plant in my head.

Yes, "Jesus is a Socialist" is the most anti-Semitic premise ever told.

And addledpated Annie had to actively fight off the anti-Semitic thoughts the movie was forcing her to think against her will. Apparently, she lost the battle against the mind-controlling effects of the film Sideways -- which is the most plausible explanation for all her ravings since 2004.

Alchouse can't be bothered to offer a sober assessment of whether Moore's rogues' gallery is filled with rogues, nor does she nominate some Catholics and Baptists who Moore might have called out instead. She can't even bother to remember who Moore named checked; it's as if those names have passed out of her mind. She's simply scraped the bottom of the bottle and spewed out the last insipid dregs.

Sorry, no link to the Nuthouse. It's up to you to find that crap.

Roger's Reader Participation Corner

Who really wrote Liberal Fascism: Dreams of My Mother by Jonah Goldberg?

Thursday, October 01, 2009

So You Think You Can Domenech?

Do you have what it takes to be the next Dick Cohen or Dean Broder? The new George Fwill or ATM Annie Applebaum? Do your views range from neo-conservative to neo-neo-conservative? Do you blast the failed Obama presidency more in fake sorrow than in anger? Do the words "recovering liberal" or "G.O.P. speechwriter/lobbyist" come up when undergoing background checks and 78-hour hold evaluations? Do your conflicts of interest let you live large? Has Sally Quinn or Kitty Weymouth held your cocktail? Isn't that Joe Scarborough a laff riot?

If so, you're probably not reading this you might already be America's Next Top News Chef/Supermodel!

Here's your chance to put your opinions to the test -- and win the opportunity to write a weekly column and a launching pad for your opinionating career!

Start making your case.

Use the entry form to send us a short opinion essay (400 words or less) pegged to a topic in the news and an additional paragraph (100 words or less) on yourself and why you should win. Entries will be judged on the basis of style, intelligence and freshness of argument, but not on whether Post editors agree or disagree with your point of view. Entry deadline: Oct. 21, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. ET.

Then get ready for the great debate.

Beginning on or about Oct. 30, ten prospective pundits will get to compete for the title of America’s Next Great Pundit, facing off in challenges that test the skills a modern pundit must possess. They’ll have to write on deadline, hold their own on video and field questions from Post readers. (Contestants won’t have to quit their day jobs, but they should be prepared to put in about eight hours a week for three weeks.) After each round, a panel of Post personalities will offer kudos and catcalls, and reader votes will help to determine who gets another chance at a byline and who has to shut down their laptop.

Eyes on the prize.

The ultimate winner will get the opportunity to write a weekly column that may appear in the print and/or online editions of The Washington Post, paid at a rate of $200 per column, for a total of 13 weeks and $2,600. Our Opinions lineup includes a dozen Pulitzer Prize winners, regulars on the national political talk shows and some of the most influential players inside the Beltway. We’ll set our promising pundit on a path to become the next byline in demand, the talking head every show wants to book, the voice that helps the country figure out what’s really going on.

So what are you waiting for?

To stop laughing.

Void where prohibited. Contest open to residents of all RedStates. Winner may not engage "in any activities that are inconsistent with the professional and ethical standards of Sponsor." So, no problem there. "In its sole discretion, Sponsor reserves the right to modify any material submitted prior to posting or otherwise disseminating such materials." Like I said.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Eggs, Matt Drudge Style

Matt Drudge's egg-sucking fans in the wingnutosphere have been egg creaming themselves over this eggspose on the chromeheaded Republican's website:


A local TV station that reported on Chicagoans NOT wanting the Olympics has been told NOT to run the report again, insiders tell the DRUDGE REPORT!

The Chicago Olympic Committee told FOX Chicago that its broadcast "would harm Chicago's chances" to be awarded the games.

The station's news director ordered staff to hold fire after the report aired once last Thursday morning, claims a source.

Chicago, Madrid, Tokyo and Rio are mounting strong bids for the honor to host in 2016.

The International Olympic Committee makes its decision on Friday. President Obama will lead the in-person push.


Add "ordered" to the list of words Drudge and his groupies don't know the meaning of, along with "truth," "integrity," "reading comprehension," "hygiene" and "developing."

Of course, the story is providing fuel for the wingnuts' Obama as Hitler sexual fantasies, despite the fact that the egg-fucker doesn't identify anybody but the FOX affiliate "ordering" the FOX affiliate not to do anything.

(No link to the egg fucker.)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

This Just In

Mohammed Atta still was not in Prague.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A Unified Theory of Republicanism

This could explain Republicanism in general and Bill Bennett and Dick Morris in specific.

Not Girlyman Enough

A blurb on Memeorandum

Megan Fox / New York Post:

Prez comes across as a gullible sap — President Obama yesterday did his best impression of a high-school soph omore participating in his first Model UN meeting, retailing pious clichés he learned from his pony-tailed social studies teacher. — Even Woodrow Wilson might have blanched ...

actually leads to Little Richard Lowry.

Who does his best impression everyday of an eight-year old desperate for attention from his mother, Jeane Kirkpatrick.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Hairless troll doll Mark Levin (pronounced "La-VEENE") can't stand mindless incoherence:

Beck’s opinion elicited a fierce and angry response from right-wing radio host Mark Levin yesterday. "To say [McCain] would be worse is mindless, mindless, incoherent as a matter of fact," Levin said on his radio show. He then suggested Beck is playing politics: "I don't know who people are playing to. I don't know why they're playing to certain people."

Which explains his self-loathing:

Levin is so angry with McCain that he vowed on yesterday's edition of his syndicated show to do anything in his power to prevent the Arizona Republican from receiving his party's 2008 presidential nomination. On tonight's show, he said he would rather vote for his dogs than McCain.

Of course, McCain won't lick Levin's balls when he puts dog food on them.

The balls, not the dogs.

To recap: Ball-licking dogs > McCain > Obama.

Monday, September 21, 2009

What A Barone!

Michael Barone, author of the Almanac of Made-Up Shit About Politics, rewrites history faster than Harvard scrubs the name Barone from its buildings:

Speaker Nancy Pelosi has warned us that there's a danger that intense rhetoric can provoke violence, and no decent person wants to see harm come to our president or other leaders. But it's interesting that the two most violent incidents at this summer's town hall meetings came when a union thug beat up a 65-year-old black conservative in Missouri and when a liberal protester bit off part of a man's finger in California.

These incidents don't justify a conclusion that all liberals are violent. But they are more evidence that American liberals, unused to hearing dissent, have an impulse to shut it down.

Mikey has aged Fraudney King at least 20 years. He also fails to note that the Californian lost his finger after punching someone in the face, and that there is at least a dispute as to whether Fraudney was the initial aggressor. But Barone's never been a fan of facts.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Talk To The Land

This jurist seems like the ideal replacement for Justices Scalia and Thomas.

Con Baby Gone

His last words were "Norman Podhoretz still lives ... if you call that living."

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Freedom Isn't Free

The bamboozlement economy is showing no signs of recovery:

Unfortunately, this site is no longer available due to nonpayment on the part of Kenneth's attorney, David Brown.

The site will resume normal operation once payment is received.

More here on 'Bagger "Buttons" Brown, hearse chaser, at this link.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Kibbes 'N' Shits

The lying sacks on the record, and that record should be repeated incessantly:

Matt Kibbe, president of FreedomWorks, the conservative organization behind the event, told the protesters that ABC News was reporting that 1 million to 1.5 million people had showed up. At the same time, the U.K.'s Daily Mail put out an estimate of up to 2 million people attending the day's festivities.

At that point, the floodgates of enthusiasm washed through the blogosphere. Predictable cheerleader Michelle Malkin wrote that she heard the turnout was estimated at 2 million. (She wasn't at the event but that didn't stop her from hitting the "publish" button.) By Saturday night, however, ABC printed a story denying it had ever reported the 1 to 1.5 million number. (Malkin later published an acknowledgment that FreedomWorks was in error.)

Newsbuster's [sic] Matthew Sheffield was equally exultant but put out a lower estimate. "Estimates for crowd sizes are starting to come in. We're talking at least a million people, folks," he wrote.
As Nate Silver says, "[Kibbe] lied. He did the equivalent of telling people that his penis is 53 inches long." Or 3.
The exception to Godwin's Law that proves the rule.

You Lie

Conservative activists, who organized a march on the U.S. Capitol today in protest of the Obama administration's health care agenda and government spending, erroneously attributed reports on the size of the crowds to ABC News.

Matt Kibbe, president of FreedomWorks, the group that organized the event, said on stage at the rally that ABC News was reporting that 1 million to 1.5 million people were in attendance.

At no time did ABC News, or its affiliates, report a number anywhere near as large. reported an approximate figure of 60,000 to 70,000 protesters, attributed to the Washington, D.C., fire department. In its reports, ABC News Radio described the crowd as "tens of thousands."


As a result of Kibbe's erroneous attribution, several bloggers and commenters repeated the misinformation.

You should apply the same proportions when adjusting for a wingnut's claims as to i.q., hit count and genital size.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Grand Old Police Blotter: Instacracker's Heroes Edition

A true Clenn Reynolds Republican demonstrates his family values:

Steve Nunn, a former Kentucky GOP lawmaker and gubernatorial candidate was found by police this afternoon with slit wrists in the cemetery where his parents lie buried. Hours earlier, Nunn's former fiancée had been found shot to death in a Lexington parking lot.

According to the local sheriff, Nunn, 57, placed mementos on his parents' graves, moved several feet away, then cut his wrists. The sheriff, Chris Eaton, said Nunn had initially told police he had shot himself, and was found in possession of a handgun, but had no gunshot wound. Nunn was taken via ambulance to the hospital.

Nunn's former fiancée, Amanda Ross, was found dead this morning. A neighbor told reporters she heard five shots and screams at 6:11 a.m. in a courtyard outside Ross's condominium. Ross was 29 and worked for the state's Department of Insurance. A police spokesman said investigators have leads.

Nunn was arrested after being taken to the hospital, for allegedly violating a protective order against Ross, by carrying the handgun. Eaton, who said he's been a friend of Nunn for around 20 years, said Nunn's mood was "solemn to a point" and "at that time didn't make any comments" about Ross's shooting.

Nunn is the son of Louie Nunn, the state's last GOP governor, from 1967 to 1971, until Ernie Fletcher was elected in 2003. Steve Nunn -- who spent what he has called his "formative years" in the governor's mansion -- received just 13 percent of the vote running against Fletcher in the gubernatorial primary that year. He is also a former state legislator.

Dr. Mrs. Instacracker no doubt suspects that Ross was the real culprit.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

An Incredibly Bad Idea

Kidnapping suspect Phillip Garrido recorded love songs years ago that suggested he was fond of young girls, a former customer of Garrido's home-based printing business said.

Former Antioch glass shop owner Marc Lister said Friday that he dug up the music after Garrido, 58, and his 54-year-old wife, Nancy Garrido, were charged in the alleged kidnapping and rape of Jaycee Lee Dugard. Both Garridos have pleaded not guilty.


Lister, who hired Garrido to print his business cards and invoices, said he plans to share the music with law enforcement if they want it but also hopes to raise money from it for abused women and children.

Perhaps Mr. Lister will call it "Rock and Roll Part 3."

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Secret Police Wanted: Apply Within

Now that he's finally mastered breathing, libertarian moron Clayton Cramer turns his thoughts to Big Brother. He quotes the following post from Ken "Boehm Boehm" Boehm at the "National Legal and Policy Center."

NLPC has uncovered a plan by the White House New Media operation to hire a technology vendor to conduct a massive, secret effort to harvest personal information on millions of Americans from social networking websites.
The information to be captured includes comments, tag lines, emails, audio, and video. The targeted sites include Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, YouTube, Flickr and others – any space where the White House "maintains a presence."

In the course of investigating procurement by the White House New Media office, NLPC discovered a 51-page solicitation of bids that was filed on Friday, August 21, 2009. Filed as Solicitation # WHO-S-09-0003, it is posted at [REDACTED].com [sic]. Click here to download a 51-page pdf of the solicitation.

Try to stop laughing.

Now picture Clayton as he strokes his beard and muses, "If The Bush White House Had Let A Contract Like This...."

Now try to stop laughing again.

(DO NOT GO to the site named in this blurb, as it tries to load some sort of spyware on your computer. The correct name of the site ends in .gov.)

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Bedlam Is Dreaming Of Rain

A placard reads "the end of days"
Jacaranda boughs are bending in the haze
More a question than a curse
How could hell be any worse?
The flames are stunning
The cameras running
So take warning!

When the hills of Los Angeles are burning
Palm trees are candles in the murder wind
So many lives are on the breeze
Even the stars are ill at ease
And Los Angeles is burning
His Mouth Is Moving

Michael Goldfarb reporting something that's not true?

He's learning well from his master, Bill Kristol.

Update (9/2): Goldflab goes on the offensive! He criticizes the Daily News for "caryring water for the group [WWF] without asking any tough questions...." Funny, since Goldflab published first, and never asked any questions later.

What a Barone!

Simpering wingnut Michael "The Barone-ass" Barone is outraged that the Washington Post is publishing the actual words of his fellow Republicans:

Item number one on the Macaca Watch is the Sunday front page story on the thesis Bob McDonnell wrote in 1989 at Regent University where he obtained a masters degree in public policy and a law degree. This is, as the story acknowledged, a publicly available document and its contents would certainly be a legitimate part of an article on McDonnell's background and the evolution of his political views. But the first paragraph of the story, prominently on the front page, sends the culturally liberal voters of Northern Virginia in the Post's local circulation area a pretty clear message: you better not vote for this guy. He went to an "evangelical" school (Regent University Law School), described feminists as "detrimental" and "said government policy should favor married couples over 'cohabitors, homosexuals or fornicators.'"

The Barone-ass is particularly outraged that a media outlet would engage in such politically biased reporting without writing him a paycheck.

The Barone-ass doesn't accuse the Post of misrepresenting the facts -- after all, he's not talking about a Krauthammer/Will/Cohen column. No, he's enraged because the Post is reporting facts which liberals might enjoy reading more than his fellow wingnuts. But Barone hasn't finished spluttering yet:

Item number two on the Macaca watch is Tuesday's front page story headlined "Governor's Race Erupts Over McDonnell’s Past View." The "eruption" consists of a bunch of emails sent out by Democrats quoting from McDonnell’s thesis and a McDonnell conference call with reporters answering questions — pretty routine campaign stuff, hardly front page material.

Is a conference call in which reporters answer questions really a routine campaign event, or is Barone just a shitty writer?

Yes, sending e-mails and taking reporters' questions are routine campaign events. It's the subject of the e-mails and questions -- McDonnell's repulsive bigotry -- which makes them front page news. Sexism and hatred of gays isn't front page news in The Barone-ass' G.O.P. circles, of course. It's the public disclosure of such rancid views that offends Barone.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Is Howard Kurtz stupid or just in the tank for Fox News? Why can't it be both?

Look at this analysis:

Beck's charge was so incendiary -- and bizarre, considering that Obama's mother was white -- that even some conservatives winced. But boycotts rarely succeed in forcing anyone off the air, and indeed, Fox hasn't forfeited a dime. A Fox spokeswoman pointed to the network's statement: "The advertisers referenced have all moved their spots from Beck to other day parts on the network, so there has been no revenue lost."

Fox hasn't forfeited a dime? If the pre-sold spots go to different shows, then Fox is out the ad revenue that would have been collected from other advertisers who would have bought those slots, and Fox has to find new advertisers for Beck. Even if the pre-sold buys are adjusted to the higher rate for advertising on the other programs, Fox has to fill Beck's spots at the rate charged the companies who demanded to be taken off Beck's program in order to break even.

Did Howie confirm with Fox that that had happened? I don't see it if he did.

I just happened to be passing by Fox earlier in the week, and what did I see advertised on Beck? A product perfectly targeted for Beck's brighter viewers, but not one made by a company with the ad budget of an AT&T, Campbell's or Procter & Gamble, I suspect.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Palin/Rammell '11

Here's a name you'll be hearing a lot of in the next few years: Rex Rammell. And you won't even have watch to gay porn to hear it:

Rex Rammell, a long-shot gubernatorial candidate seeking the Republican nomination, criticized [Idaho] Gov. C.L. "Butch" Otter on Wednesday for not making good on a promise to buy the first wolf tag. Tags for hunting the gray wolf went on sale Monday.


On Monday, Otter attended in Lewiston and spoke at the funeral of Bruce Sweeney, a 10-term state legislator who served while Otter was lieutenant governor. When told this, Rammell said, "That's a lame excuse."

Rex the Rammer v. Butch the C.L.Otter. Now that's some old school professional wrestling.

Rex loves him some huntin', or at least some tag buyin':

Rex Rammell, a long-shot candidate slated to run against incumbent C.L. "Butch" Otter in the May 2010 GOP primary, made the comment at a Republican rally Tuesday in Twin Falls where talk turned to the state's planned wolf hunt, for which hunters must purchase an $11.50 wolf tag. The hunt is due to begin on Tuesday.

When an audience member shouted a question about "Obama tags," Rammell responded, "The Obama tags? We'd buy some of those."

Rammell told The Associated Press Thursday he sees no reason to apologize for the comment because it was just a joke.


He also told the Times-News newspaper, "I would never support him being assassinated."

Rex is so popular in Idaho they named a town after him:

Rammell isn't the first Rexburg resident who has drawn attention for making an anti-Obama comment. In November 2008, second- and third-grade students on a school bus there chanted "Assassinate Obama" after his election, prompting the mayor of this eastern Idaho town to publicly apologize.

What are the odds Rex pronounces his name like Rahm Emmanuel?

This is Your Brain On Roiphenol

"I know somewhere out there is a great world where people talk and think and write, but I am not interested in going there yet."

If you define yet to include the last 41 years, yes.

Wellstone Memorial

I eagerly await Senator Kennedy's address to the Nation from beyond the grave, as told to an anti-Communist dolphin and translated by Peggy Noonan:

"I would nevah support the public option. Libs who portray me as a big-spending reformah really clam my chowdah."

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Teddy's Dead

Rest in Peace, Senator Ted Kennedy.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

If you haven't stopped shopping at Whole Foods yet, watch this and lose your appetite:

From FreedomFest held in Las Vegas, a debate on two different approaches to capitalism: the Randian model (pure profit driven capitalism) v. conscious capitalism (capitalism driven by some societal purpose). Arguing in favor of the Randian model are Edward Hudgins and Robert Bradley. Arguing in favor of conscious capitalism are John Mackey and Michael Strong.

About the Authors
John Mackey

John Mackey, CEO of Whole Foods, is the co-author of "Be the Solution: How Entrepreneurs and Conscious Capitalists Can Solve All the Worlds Problems."

Michael Strong

Michael Strong, co-founder (with John Mackey) of FLOW, Inc., is the co-author of "Be the Solution: How Entrepreneurs and Conscious Capitalists Can Solve All the Worlds Problems."

Edward Hudgins

Edward Hudgins, is the editor of "An Objectivist Secular Reader." He is director of advocacy and a senior scholar at the Atlas Society.

Robert Bradley

Robert Bradley, CEO and founder of the Institute for Energy Research based in Houston, is the author of "Capitalism at Work." Mr. Bradley was formerly corporate director for public policy analysis at Enron and speechwriter for the late Enron CEO Ken Lay.

Ken Lay as Howard Roark. Sounds about right.

Friday, August 21, 2009

See What Brown Can't Do For You

Praise Jehovah! Ken Gladney, who was beaten into a vegetative state by union thugs, can stand again! And they said he'd never walk again. Scrawny white men who wish to kiss Gladney's bald head will have to bring stepstools.

Perhaps the Lord will also cure Gladney's attorney of his terminal dumbfuckedness:

Gladney, who says he is an independent, stood next to his attorney at the news conference. David Brown interjected when Gladney was asked about his injuries. He said there is a pending civil case and it would not be appropriate to discuss Gladney's health.

Counsellor Brown calls a press conference to rehash his fairy tales of abuse, and the only part he can't talk about is whether his client was actually harmed. Just wait until he tries that in the civil suit: "Your Honor, it would not be appropriate to discuss my client's injuries because he has a pending media stunt."

Mr. Gladney's Liberty Tour freak show won't be much of a draw if they keep the stigmata covered.

Dr. Charles Krauthammer: Fuck My Patients, Give Me The Money

Dr. Charles Quackhammer calls for an honest debate on health care reform. That would be a first for him, but damned if he doesn't admit the truth.

That truth: As a doctor, Krauthammer was only in it for the money, and never considered what was best for his patients if it conflicted with making a profit.

Krauthammer starts out his column with a paragraph calling Sharia Plain a liar. There's one truth. And in the next two paragraphs, an even bigger truth is revealed:

We also have to tell the defenders of the notorious Section 1233 of H.R. 3200 that it is not quite as benign as they pretend. To offer government reimbursement to any doctor who gives end-of-life counseling -- whether or not the patient asked for it -- is to create an incentive for such a chat.

What do you think such a chat would be like? Do you think the doctor will go on and on about the fantastic new million-dollar high-tech gizmo that can prolong the patient's otherwise hopeless condition for another six months? Or do you think he's going to talk about -- as the bill specifically spells out -- hospice care and palliative care and other ways of letting go of life?

Quackhammer posits a doctor who acts against his patient's interests solely for his own economic benefit. There's a flaw in his logic, as he assumes that the doctor has more economic incentive to have the patient off herself immediately (and/or more cheaply) than to have the patient live longer and incur additional doctor's fees. Greed apparently makes physicians stupid.

(And I must have missed the quack's column denouncing HMOs which cover similar informational counselling, or which pay a flat fee per patient per year, creating an incentive for providers to provide the cheapest care possible.)

Nevertheless, Quackhammer reveals a hidden truth about himself in assuming ill of his fellow healers. He effectively admits that, as a doctor, he would have urged his patients to make a quick exit if it was better for his balance sheet.

Well, who knows Quackhammer's mind and motives better than himself?

Fortunately, Krauthammer has left the medical profession, and, despite his fervent desires, can only kill trees in his current job.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

How to Show Contempt For Your Readers

Since I'm not blogging for dollars and don't have an employer to answer to, I could get away with shoddy writing and thinking on this blog. Nevertheless, I'd be embarrassed to publish this, and enraged if I was paying someone who did:

Remember the boycott of the French? Lasted about four weeks, until everyone figured out that this meant foregoing [sic] Dannon yogurt and Mephisto sandals, and spending hours looking for a decent American brie. Effect on French foreign policy: dubious [sic]. Perhaps negative [sic/WTF?].

Then there's the problem of counter-boycotts. Radley is one [sic]. I myself [sic] do not particularly care for Whole Foods--I find them overpriced, and their prepared food isn't very good. But as long as the progressive boycott lasts . . . well, Mr. Mackey, you've got another customer. I doubt I'm the only conservative or libertarians [sic] who will make the same pledge.

Dignity and a paycheck aren't motivation for some people.

Apart from grammar and spelling, the post is a model of fucked-up reasoning as well. Dagney Taggart Jnr. says boycotts don't work because people are lazy and won't follow through, and since "[s]hopping in mulitple [sic] places is a big pain in the butt." On the other hand, Dag imagines that wingnuts and Randroids will take time out of their busy days brandishing swastikas and small arms at town hall meetings and travel across town to buy shitty, overpriced foods out of spite.

If a boycott of Whole Foods gets Dagney to patronize merchants who overcharge her for substandard goods, it already has succeeded. But I suspect that in her case, it's just a way of life.

In any case, someone at The Atlantic should inquire as to how many people don't buy the magazine because of its association with crap like the foregoing.

Common Ground

I think we can all be grateful that Bob Novak is no longer on the streets.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

No Obvious Injuries

Seems St. Louis police officials have the same low opinion on Jim Geraghty's powers of observation as I have:

Investigators have requested Gladney's medical files related to the incident, mainly to determine if his injuries warrant more than misdemeanor charges against the two men accused of assaulting him.

My God, didn't they see the man was sitting IN A WHEELCHAIR?

Socialism For Dumbfucks

From the Wall Street Journal:

Diane Campbell of Kingston, N.H., held a sign with Mr. Obama's face superimposed on a Nazi storm trooper, a sign, she said, that was made by her chronically ill mother.

Her mother's hereditary autoimmune disease is treated with expensive transfusions of gamma globulin, paid for by Medicare. Her sister, Louise, was born with no arms and one leg, and is also covered by Medicare, the government-run, health-insurance program for the elderly and disabled.

"Adolf Hitler was for exterminating the weak, not just the Jews and stuff, and socialism -- that's what's going to happen."
Here is Ms. Campbell, and her mother's artwork. I must say the old bird has pretty good Photoshop skills for a chronically ill woman who must be in her seventies.

P.S. -- From what appears to be her Facebook page, Diane is a fan of Chesley Sullenberger, Glenn Beck and Donkey (I'm guessing the one from Shrek).

Fraudney King Has A Dream

It involves you giving him money:

St. Louis, Missouri August 12, 2009 — Kenneth Gladney thanks everyone for their outpouring of support and well wishes. After he recovers from his injuries, Kenneth plans to travel across the country to promote Project Liberty, a new educational program designed to teach America’s youth about their fundamental rights under the Constitution.

Kenneth will inform young people about his experiences on the fateful night of August 6, 2009 at Rep. Russ Carnahan's town hall meeting in South St. Louis and how it changed his perspectives on individual liberties in today's society. Along with Kenneth, Constitutional law experts will explain the Bill of Rights to students in an interactive format that is both entertaining and educational.

To Kenneth, Project Liberty is not about Left versus Right nor Democrats versus Republicans. This cause is about personal liberties and freedom of speech.

“Project Liberty will sweep across this great nation to unite people for the common cause of protecting our individual liberties,” said Kenneth.

Kenneth wants to make it clear that Project Liberty is not funded by any special interest group or political party. Kenneth vows never to accept funds from any of these sources. Project Liberty is "people-powered." As with any endeavor of this magnitude, there are costs associated with this. If you would like to help defray these costs in this fight for liberty, stand up with Kenneth and donate today. Please visit Kenneth's website at

I am Kenneth Gladney. You are Kenneth Gladney. Remember, we all are Kenneth Gladney.

David Brown, Attorney
(314) XXX-XXXX

After he recovers from his injuries?! If he's well enough to change his perspective on individual liberties in today's society and develop a new educational program designed to teach America’s youth about their fundamental rights under the Constitution and round up a bunch of Constitutional law experts who will explain the Bill of Rights to students in an interactive format that is both entertaining and educational since last Thursday, he's well enough to travel across the country!

You can donate here, but a donation does not guarantee that you can kiss Ken on the top of his head. Still, it can't hurt to ask.

Or, since we're all Kenneth Gladney, you can just give the money to yourself.

(More here.)