Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Invisible Plane Is Now A Shapeshifting Prius

I wonder what Warner Fred Flintstone will say about this:

Given the hope that the character will one day have her own international film franchise (a feature has long been gestating at Warner Entertainment, DC's parent company), one test of the design was to imagine how it would look standing next to, say, Batman’s politically neutral ensemble. "The original costume was the American flag brought to life," Mr. Lee said. "This one is a little more universal."

Warner went crazier when G.I. Joe refused to waterboard the Hadji Singh action figure, and when Captain America dissed the teabaggers. This might really set him off, though I doubt he plays much with female dolls.

And this might be a little too Biblical for the fundies:

In the reimagining of her story, Wonder Woman, instead of growing up on Paradise Island with her mother, Queen Hippolyta, and her Amazon sisters, is smuggled out as a baby when unknown forces destroy her home and slaughter its inhabitants.

No word on which way Ms. Prince's lariat swings this time.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Hey Hey

Mr. Cub, Ernie Banks, participates in the Chicago Pride Parade.

Banks rode in a convertible with the Ricketts family, who bought the Cubs last fall and who made the team’s first official appearance in the parade.

Banks said he participated for the first time at the Ricketts’ behest and to thank the neighborhood Cubs fans.

"I know the area — Boystown — and they've all been very nice and friendly with me," Banks said. "I want to show that I have compassion for them.

"They know the game and have great respect for the players," he said.

The word compassion sounds a bit off in this context. But Ernie Banks was himself a victim of discrimination, having played the first part of his career in the Negro Leagues. And we all should be more compassionate.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Thoughts on The Weigel/Journolist Controversy

(My thoughts, in case you were wondering whose they were.)

1. Weigel shouldn't be surprised that statements he posted to the Journolist listserv were shared with non-members. In 2009, someone from the list shared postings with Mickey Fucking Kaus, for fuck's sake. It would be absurd to think that communications among the group would not reach the inboxes of bitter hacks such as Kaus, Tucker Faye Carlson and Jeffrey Goldberg.

2. Nothing Weigel wrote was particularly scathing or outrageous. Bryon York, Drudge, Big Pharma, etc. are deserving of far worse ribbing than anything Weigel wrote about them.

3. Nor was much of it particularly liberal. Weigel is a libertarian who didn't pretend that morons weren't morons for the sake of the team That job is already taken by Dr. and Mrs. Instracracker.

4. Now that WaPoCo has fired Wiegel, they can afford to pay Kaus again. Not that they should, but they surely will.

5. I don't know anything about the Journolist -- being neither a mover, a shaker or a midnight toker -- and don't much care. But how hard could it be to find out who the leaker(s) is/are? Eliminate everyone who doesn't think that leakees Kaus, Carlson and Goldberg are schmucks, and you've got a narrow field. I suppose the leaker could be someone who was silent on the schmuck question, or even someone who thinks they're schmucks but hates Klein/Weigel even more. But it's a good starting point.

6. Howard Kurtz is still a fucking right-wing hack. Writes Kurtz:

This is not the first time that washingtonpost.com has had problems covering the right. In 2006, conservative blogger Ben Domenech resigned three days after his debut, following a flurry of plagiarism allegations involving his previous work.

Allegations? Box Turtle Ben got caught redstate-handed, and lied about it. And Domenech wasn't "a problem covering the right," he was problem of the right.

7. Bottom line: WaPoCo is free to do whatever it likes with its dwindling resources and its dwindled credibility. Maybe they can clone Kurtz and Milbank and Gerson and Sally Quinn and Chas. Lane, who don't pretend (or succesfully pretend) to be reporters. Just makes my "job" easier.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Palin/McChrystal '12.

You will be reading that (somewhere other than here) in the next 24 minutes. It will be the leading wingnut wet dream by this time tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Monday, June 21, 2010

Priests Are Fathers Too

K-Lo tweets twice: Priests are Fathers too

Why, yes, Kathryn, they are:

NEW YORK — A Mexican man said Monday he is the son of the founder of a once-influential Roman Catholic religious order, and accused his father of repeatedly molesting him.

In a lawsuit, Jose Raul Gonzalez, 30, accused the late Rev. Marcial Maciel of abuse beginning at age 7. Gonzalez said Maciel led a double life, explaining his long absences from the family by saying he was a CIA agent and oil executive.

Despite the power the Legionaries of Christ once held with Vatican officials, the Holy See recently concluded that Maciel, the order's founder, led a life that was "devoid of any scruples" and included molesting young boys.

Gonzalez said the abuse began when Maciel took him on trips in South America, England and elsewhere. Leaders of the Legion knew for decades that Maciel was a pedophile and did nothing to stop him, Gonzalez said in his legal claim against the group.

"He always said to us that he was an enemy of the lies, but he was the most liar, the biggest liar," said Gonzalez, at a news conference with his attorney, Jeff Anderson.

Jim Fair, a U.S. spokesman for the Legion, said he could not comment on the lawsuit, but Fair noted that the Legion has said that Gonzalez' paternity claim "apparently was true."

It would be a very good idea to keep minors off the National Review Cruise.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Nice Deep Sea Oil Platform You Have There, Miss. Be A Shame If Something Happened To It

I see your Native American genocide, Roy, and call you: Obama raped B.P. while shaking it down:

Let me be clear about something - BP must pay. They've created an environmental disaster (sorry, Mr. President, but it's probably not the biggest in American history - look up the dust bowl sometime) that will probably devastate economic and natural life in the Gulf of Mexico for years and years. I don't think $20 billion plus clean-up costs is too much to demand. It might in fact be too little. If BP cut corners on safety and if the cut corners greatly increased the probability of this disaster, it deserves every legal penalty we can throw at it. But let's not forget that a prostitute can be raped, church-going family men can commit rape, and you're more likely to get away with rape if everyone thinks the victim deserves it. A corporate vandal can be shaken down, our saintly president can probably manage a pretty good shakedown, and he's likely to get away with it if everyone thinks the victim deserves it.

Well played, James! You would make sweet, sweet love to BP while collecting its cash, whereas Obama is simply a cad and a brute who doesn't respect our Anglo cwhoreperations!

FOX News has just placed you into its speed dial. But you've got to add race hustler and poverty pimp to your repertoire if you want a spot on prime time.

Crazy Inspector General's Frivolous Lawsuit Tossed

Here's further proof that Gerald Walpin was unqualified to serve as Inspector General for the Corporation for National and Community Service -- his frivolous lawsuit against the United States was tossed by a U.S. District Judge.

In due course, we will learn that a U.S. Court of Appeals and the United States Supreme Court are in on the conspiracy against Mr. Walpin, at least if we keep our subscriptions to Wingnut News Daily and the Moonie Times current.

What do you call an oil company executive with no arms and no legs floating in the Gulf of Mexico?

Saturday, June 19, 2010

If you needed additional evidence that Ross "Chunky John Witherspoon" Douthat is a pompous smarmy git, behold:

Like most English-speaking scribes, I’ve spent the last few weeks dipping in and out of Christopher Hitchens’ memoir, “Hitch-22.”

Really, Ross? Most English-speaking scribes have spent the last few weeks dipping in and out of Hitch's book? A preponderance of Anglophonic scribes? You're "dipping in and out of" a book?

Try this: "I've been reading Christopher Hitchens' book ...." Your ideas are asinine enough; don't write like an ass too.

Blah Law Blog

Can you stand to watch Instacracker's bowl haircut and Mickey Kaus in the same video? If not, don't click here.

I watched a bit of this meeting of the mindless. In it, Kaus claims he's meeting with the poobahs who run Slate to see if he can get his old job back. (wink, wink) Of course, Slate directed readers to the Kausfiles site throughout the entire Kaus "campaign," so they're fooling nobody. Kaus also claims he's trying to negotiate a better deal, although he has admitted elsewhere that his traffic is down to a third of what it was before he "left" Slate. So if WaPoCo agrees to pay him anything more than 30K a year upon his "return," his status as a wingnut welfare queen is confirmed.

Kaus also muses about becoming a law professor, and he appears to be serious -- and unusually ambitious, since he couldn't even muster a single blog post most of the days of his campaign. But he did attend law school nearly 40 years ago and clerked for a California appellate judge. Perhaps Harvard can create an Anti-Labor Law class for him, or an advisory position at an Immigrants Have No Rights Clinic.

To be fair, Kaus probably figured the job requires no legal skills or intelligence, given the continued employment of Glenn Reynolds, Ann Althouse, Hugh Hewitt, S. Bainbridge and that schmuck from Legal In-Erection. But it's hard to imagine a law school where Kaus' talents would be truly appreciated, apart from Regent University.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Flotillas We Wouldn't Mind Seeing Boarded by the IDF

This must be some kind of inside wingnut joke. NRO has a side banner ad titled "27 REASONS TO COME ON THE NR 2010 POST-ELECTION CRUISE." The ad then lists 28 names, the last of which is "Kaj Relwof." Kaj Relwof doesn't appear to be a person's name, or anything else, according to Google. So it makes no sense, as a joke or otherwise.

Kaj Relwof is an anagram of Jerk A Wolf, so maybe participants get to give W. Issac Blitzer a handjob.

The 24 of the other 27 guests of honor are men; the only women are Phyllis Schlafly, K-Lo and K-O'B. Not exactly a swingers' cruise, unless you, Bernard Lewis, Bernard Goldberg and Roger Kimball is your fantasy four-way.


Does Instacracker tip Doctor Helen when she puts the colander on his head and whips out the Flowbee?

(Yes, this really is a comment but I always have trouble logging in at TBogg.)

Monday, June 14, 2010


What's the difference between Bob Etheridge and Meg Whitman? The alleged payoff, for one thing:

In June 2007, an eBay employee claimed that Ms. Whitman became angry and forcefully pushed her in an executive conference room at eBay’s headquarters, according to multiple former eBay employees with knowledge of the incident. They spoke on the condition of anonymity because the matter was delicate and was deemed to be strictly confidential.

The employee, Young Mi Kim, was preparing Ms. Whitman for a news media interview that day. Ms. Kim, who was not injured in the incident, hired a lawyer and threatened a lawsuit, but the dispute was resolved under the supervision of a private mediator.

Two of the former employees said the company paid a six-figure financial settlement to Ms. Kim, which one of them characterized as "around $200,000."

In Ms. Hitman's defense, I'd be constantly pissed off if my business was selling people's used crap. I'd be even more pissed as a shareholder whose money was used to protect a lunatic CEO.


But is there enough lithium in Afghanistan to cure the G.O.P.?

Sunday, June 13, 2010


Mickey Kaus still hasn't returned to Slate, perhaps to make it look it like that wasn't the plan all along.

On his campaign site, Kaus is trumpeting that he vote total has now increased to over 100,000, with late counted ballots added to the total (presumably provisional ballots). He neglects to mention that his percentage of the vote remained exactly the same.

Kaus also mentions that he was annoyed when asked if his campaign was fun, pecksniffing that his campaign was a noble cause and that he was trying to make a difference by pissing on the working class. One of Kaus' kommentors claims to be "in awe of your courage," which would be the courage to milk suckers and spend their money on house parties for his friends and vanity videos.

As Kaus says elsewhere on his site, he cannot now run as an independent, having lost the Dem primary. He could, however, run as a write-in, and I'm not sure he couldn't run as a TP candidate.

We're still waiting for Kaus to announce the winner of his You Tube Video Challenge, which I suspect had no entries because I didn't submit this.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

I thought I'd caught World Cup fever, but it's just a kidney infection.

A Perfect 115

This could be really good as an audiobook with the main characters voiced by Beck and Sharia Plain soundalikes. I think I'll go to the library on June 15 and berate the librarian if she/he doesn't have my copy waiting for me.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Ass 'Leker

James Lileks, the "humorist" whose forehead resembles a human ass, only larger, tells a tall tale in which his daughter comes across the President using the word "ass." Lileks bemoans the fact that Obama said ass in public, whereas more statesmenlike solons only spoke ass in private. Lileks simpers that "[i]t will now be difficult to tell her not to use that word."

The problem with this fairy tale is that Lileks has used "ass" in the same context hundreds of times on his own shitty website. Apparently Lileks' frequent use of the word in a public forum doesn't make it difficult to instruct his offspring; it's only when Barry X uses the noun that Lileks struggles as a parent.

Lileks seems the kind of oblivious asshole who doesn't recognize when he engages in the kind of activities he criticizes others for. No doubt Lileks rages against Obama because he's popular and intelligent and has kicked the ass of many a terrorist who's caused Lileks to soil his own ass. And that kind of rage can make one stupider than one already is.

(Tip o' the ass to roy edroso.)

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Hugh Hewitt Has Nothing to Worry About

Don't worry Noel. If anything, she charged them to the RNC.

(via S, N!)

Which Way, M.K.?

Mickey Kaus's next move?
a. Return to Slate job he never really left, to live off WaPo Wingnut Welfare until age 67.

b. Return to Slate job at one-third salary based on revelation as to how much traffic Kaus was actually generating for Slate.

c. Blog independently; move into debating partner after income fails to cover rent.

d. Run as Tea Party candidate, identified on ballot as Mickey "Mickey" "I SAID, MICKEY!" Kaus.

e. Become Republican after Democratic Party says, "Yes, we left you. Now get the fuck out!"

f. Lengthy hospitalization after mother sends union thugs to get her Volvo back.
How to Be A Libertarian Asshole
J. Bowen said...

I was at the library today to print something and there was some old guy at the counter yelling at the lady because the library didn't have a copy of  [The Road to Serfdom] even though Glenn Beck was advertising it. It was disturbing and hilarious at the same time.

3:32 PM, June 09, 2010

["Doctor"] Helen said...

J. Bowen,

It's a classic, they should have it in the library. Good for the guy for yelling. I bet they have all of Toni Morrison's books.

3:39 PM, June 09, 2010
The librarian probably belted the guy too, since she was a woman.

(Edited to include the punchline -- D'oh! -- the title of the book)
So who bankrolled the Kaus Kampaign? Looks like mainly white collar white folks with money burning holes in their pockets. Notable Kaus Kampaigners including Mike Kinsley, John Ellis (formerly of FOX), Heather McDonald and Mrs. Doughy Pantload. Not a lot of real Democrats in that crowd.

Gadfly vs. Gadfly

How significant is Kaus's vote total?

Kaus claims he garnered more than 100,000 votes, although the Secretary of State's website lists his total as 94,000.

Dr. Orly Taitz won 372,000 votes in the Republican primary race for Secretary of State. She also lost.

Kaus: 1/4th as popular as a birther.

Update (two minutes later): TS beat me to it. Damn! And Weigel and Alex Pareene too!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Kaus Fails

With 10.6 percent of precincts reporting, the Hairless Hack is managing to hold on to third place in the California Senate contest, garnering close to 1/3 of the votes of the second place candidate, Brian "Producer to the Stars" Quintana has captured.

Barbara Boxer 367,955 79.2%
Robert M. "Mickey" Kaus 24,381 5.2%
Brian Quintana 72,673 15.6%

Perhaps Kaus can get Mr. Quintana kicked out of the country -- or at least Barney's Beanery -- and claim victory.

We can assume from these results that three times as many California Democrats hate Jon Peters as hate unions and immigrants.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Don't Tell Arizona

The National Spelling Bee has foreigners in it!

p.s. -- I correctly spelled 25 on the sample test, including the incredibly dorktastic Round 2 and 3 words, which was not good enough to enter the semi-finals and constitute begging for a wedgie. At age 10, I probably would have scored a 3.

Blog Whoring

Los Angelenos are more fucked up than anyone ever imagined:

"FOR a solitary blogger, Mickey Kaus is astonishingly social and well connected: It's difficult to find a writer or politico in Los Angeles who hasn't knocked boots (or opinions) with Mr. Kaus at a party, or at the monthly mixers he hosts at Yamashiro restaurant and a supper club jokingly called Morons." (Link added)

After next Tuesday, the constant stream of undeserved puffers from the EMESSEM will end, and Kaus will stink up Slate.com (the job he never really quit) once again. Everyone will stop pretending that Kaus was "trying to reach a new audience" by holding house parties at his friends' fabulous homes and appearing on wingnut radio programs like the Depends Media Political Comedy Hour. No one will care that Kaus never tried to reach Democratic voters beyond those in his members-only swingers' club, and never sought to lower himself by engaging with, or speaking to, actual union members, teachers or immigrant rights supporters. It was all just a kabuki cocktail circle jerk for fat and self-satisfied elites, starting (sic) with the candidate himself, who never encountered a problem they couldn't blame on the help.

Polls open Tuesday at 7:00 a.m. and stay open until 8:00 p.m. Cast your vote. You may never enjoy an election more than this one.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Rock and Roll Will Never Die

As long as there are people with full-time jobs and social obligations (or medical appointments!) who are too lazy to figure out ad software and are content to publish lame gags with lots of swear words, there will always be an amateur blogosphere.

Catch the Spit

Aging hippies sic their shysters on a creepy racist:

Lawyers representing Canadian rockers Rush have ordered an American politician to stop using their music as part of his Senate campaign.

The musicians are said to have been left fuming after discovering Kentucky's Republican candidate Rand Paul had been using their tracks during public events and in online adverts as he seeks election to office.

Robert Farmer, an attorney for the band's Entertainment Group Inc. record label, has written to Paul's campaign officials claiming the use of Rush's music violates copyright laws, according to Courier-journal.com.

Rand Paul: rights for me, but not for African-Americans or Canadian hippies who can't even get their name spelled right in the fucking Toronto Sun!.

More on Rush and Rand here. (I see Chait linked to this in April, but I found it independently.)


Tucker Carlson's giant sinkhole, the Daily Choler, is running columns written under the nom de wingnut "Anchorman." These missives are written by someone pretending to be "a well-known news anchor from a top-10, big city station." The columns invariably involve Anchorman snivelling about how liberal the news business is, and how he would lose his job if secret wingnut identity was disclosed.

The Daily Choler promised Anchorman complete anonymity by agreeing to publish him on the Daily Choler website.

In publishing the most recent of these pieces, the Daily Choler forget they were pretending that the author was a local anchor and titled his column "Anchor accuses own network of 'embarrassing' bias in Israel coverage." But the premise of the column was that Wankerman was writing a memo to his own boss about what appeared on his local station's 5 p.m. newscast. (The headline duped some of the duller dullards.)

It's clear that Wankerman is a fictitious character. Because most of the time, his patrons forget to pretend they're keeping his "identity" secret.

For example, the Choler claims Wankerman is a well-known talking wigstand in a top ten teevee market. Wanker stated in a recent column that he drove home from the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Only four of the top ten markets are on the East Coast: New York, D.C., Boston and Philly. It's highly doubtful that even a Wanker would drive home from D.C. to New York or Boston, particularly if he had to anchor the Sunday morning station i.d.'s between Hair Club infomercials.

In another column, the Wanker shows a bigoted fascination with two D.C. murder cases. Doubt those got much play in NYC/Boston/Philly.

Wanker also claims he "anchored a No. 1 rated 10 p.m. newscast in the Midwest in the mid-1980's," meaning that the character would have had to been working in teevee for at least 25 years.

And so on. It wouldn't be hard to identify Wankerman if he was a real person, rather than one of Tucker Faye Carlson's unpaid interns pretending to be an elderly reactionary who cribs column ideas from Mallard Fillmore and Free Republic. Tucker should give up the gag and admit the closet case anchor is a fake.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Kaus Hires Ruth Shalit as Ad Director

From Kausfails:

We have our first TV ad, which you can see here. .... Press release here. ... It's based on a classic Paul Wellstone spot (done by North Woods Advertising). ...

Kaus still can't come up with an original idea. Maybe if he stole Wellstone's policies and not his advertisements he'd crack the .0001% voter support ceiling.

Bonus Kaus Komedy: "We're going to win on truth." So if you lose, it's because of your lies, Mickey?