Friday, November 25, 2005

The War On Christmas: First Strike

I am pleased to report that the first mission of the War on Christmas has been a complete success.

Several weeks ago, I led a ragtag, unarmed band of radical Islamojihadofascists, atheistofascists and Hebrewiofascists in a daring nighttime assault upon the main printing facility of the United States Postal Service in Baltimore, Maryland. After penetrating the highly-guarded compound, we broke into the USPS computer system and digitally replaced the visage of the Christ child on this year's Xmas stamp with the equally iconic countenance of a midget with five o'clock shadow chomping on a stogie. As a consequence, the Postal Service was forced to scrap its entire 2005 run of religious holiday stamps.

I'm equally pleased to report several feebleminded casualties of the first strike, including Darleen Rube, purported law professor Ann Althouse, and Spotty the Wonder Teen. Perhaps these chuckleheads are worried that their White Christmases will be a bit too swarthy if they're forced to use a Hanukkuah or Kwanzaa stamp to post their holiday hatemail. Or maybe they're just morons.

The battle continues. We'll plant that Winter Solstice flag in John Gibson's flabby ass or die trying.

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