Tuesday, November 13, 2012

New Country for Old Men

Oly Olafson is too too old and fat to lead Civil War II: Confederate Oogaboogaloo, so others have taken his place:
Derrick Belcher, a 45 year-old topless carwash owner, is behind the Alabama petition, according to AL.com. He supported Ron Paul in 2012 and told the site he’s serious about creating a new union of states that did not vote for Obama’s reelection. Belcher said that a nation of red states could do away with entitlement programs — and the people who rely on them.
Well, not exactly.  Belcher's topless car wash-owning glory days have passed:
Belcher blamed the government for shutting down his former business. Belcher said his Euro Details car wash, which featured topless women, was successful for a decade on Halls Mill Road in Mobile. But he said he was arrested and charged with obscenity by city officials in 2001.
“The government ripped my business away, and now they’re choking America to death with rules and regulations,” he said.
With that boot stomping on his face forever, it unsurprisingly took Belcher eleven years to come up with his secession plan. And apparently no one suggested that he move to a more topless car wash-friendly jurisdiction during those long years.  Just imagine Belcher's surprise when the newly-independent Free State of Alabama still won't let him wash cars in the buff, even if he promises to pay his employees eight cents an hour to do so.


Willard Scissorhands said...

Oh Derrick Belcher
The devil fools
with the best laid plan
Swing low Derrick Belcher
You got spare change
You got to feel strange
And now the moment
is all that it meant

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised he didn't figure out a way to make it Obama's fault. It is, after all, well established that Obama is capable of time travel (that's how he put that birth announcement in the newspaper in Hawaii). So why wouldn't Obama use to time-traveling powers to go back to Alabama--maybe even posing as a white man--to get Belcher's carwash shut down?

Just one more way the man keeps him down!

Montag said...

Boy, is this guy going to be surprised if Alabama does succeed in seceding. It damned sure won't be the libertarian paradise he imagines, what with the looney-tunes preachers of Alabama running things and all.

This guy needs a refresher course in be careful what you wish for.