The Moonie Times is running a "Nobles and Knaves of the Year" contest. Not trusting its readers' ability to think independently, the paper is only allowing votes for persons and organizations who have already received the award in its weekly column of the same name.

What if you don't think that Hootie Johnson is noble for "defending tradition and privacy at Augusta National Golf Club," or that Nickelodeon is knavish "for airing a special on homosexual parenting"?

Well, I guess you can always nominate the Reverend Sun Myung Moon for his view that "the country that represents Satan's harvest is America" or Robert Stacy McCain for putting a positive spin on slavery.

Send your votes to crousseaux@washingtontimes.com with "Nobles Contest" in the subject line.

But hurry, "Entrees must be received by Dec. 28." You can wait until Jan. 4 to submit a main course or dessert.

Fucking illiterates.