The All-Star Game

If CPAC or the Tea Party Express or the RedState FurriesFest could find just one blogger with the abilities of any member this panel, they'd still suck. These people are geniuses.

And Roy's Cher is pitch-perfect.

Shorter Barney Frank

"I knew prostitutes. Prostitutes were my friends. Senator, these women don't look like any prostutites I knew."

I'm Sure You Haven't, Mickey

Mickey the K is back from a well-deserved 10 day vacation, and he's stating the obvious:

I haven't heard of a lot of sympathy for low-wage illegals among lower-skilled or unemployed black workers. ...

I haven't heard much enthusiasm among Slate's editors for giving Kaus his old job back. Surely that means that Kaus' base isn't interested in publishing Kaus' insipid musings on Dick Morris' drippings, and not that I don't know any of Slate's editors, or how they think.

Goats Go To Hell

What happened to Mickey Kaus? He's still blogging at his fake campaign website blog, or he was nine days ago. His comments section infested with spammers and teabaggers.

Has the Washington Post Company made an economically and journalistically sound decision in deciding not to rehire Kaus? Is Kaus living off the largesse of his campaign supporters? If all else fails, I'm sure Andy Dimbart can find some sort of position for Mickey.

Shorter Nick Pistoff

"Let's you and him fight, by which I mean let's you let him beat your ass senseless."

And, in the Great White Tourist's fantasy, the "you" are all women.

MoDoin' Is Easy

His decision came after he consulted with his mom and formed a hoops cartel with his pals Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade. It's usually women who get accused of needing to go places (restaurant bathrooms) together.

And before she passed out, she started to type:

The next thing you know, the three LeBronte sisters will have their periods together, even though a basketball game is divided into quarters and a hockey match has periods.

Markos Twain

Wingnuts have a new old reason to hate Mark Twain, beyond the unfairness of the fact that he can say nigger and they can't:

Whether anguishing over American military interventions abroad or delivering jabs at Wall Street tycoons, this Twain is strikingly contemporary. Though the autobiography also contains its share of homespun tales, some of its observations about American life are so acerbic — at one point Twain refers to American soldiers as “uniformed assassins” — that his heirs and editors, as well as the writer himself, feared they would damage his reputation if not withheld.

“From the first, second, third and fourth editions all sound and sane expressions of opinion must be left out,” Twain instructed them in 1906. “There may be a market for that kind of wares a century from now. There is no hurry. Wait and see.”

...

Twain’s opposition to incipient imperialism and American military intervention in Cuba and the Philippines, for example, were well known even in his own time. But the uncensored autobiography makes it clear that those feelings ran very deep and includes remarks that, if made today in the context of Iraq or Afghanistan, would probably lead the right wing to question the patriotism of this most American of American writers.

In a passage removed by Paine, Twain excoriates “the iniquitous Cuban-Spanish War” and Gen. Leonard Wood’s “mephitic record” as governor general in Havana. In writing about an attack on a tribal group in the Philippines, Twain refers to American troops as “our uniformed assassins” and describes their killing of “six hundred helpless and weaponless savages” as “a long and happy picnic with nothing to do but sit in comfort and fire the Golden Rule into those people down there and imagine letters to write home to the admiring families, and pile glory upon glory.”

Of course, Twain's views on war and imperialism, if not these particular passages, were and are well known. And wingnuts happily and freely criticize wars they don't like, and American soliders who don't toe the wingnut line. (See, e.g., Northern Aggression, War of (1861-2010) and Kerry, John, war crimes of.) So the author of the article quoted above is giving wingnuts undeserved credit for intellectual consistency. They'll hate Twain because he's not the wordsmith Glenn Beck and Orson S. Card are.

Citizens United Meets McDonald v. Chicago

Headline from the msnbc.com front page:

Should BP nuke the leaking well?

Everybody Smokes In Hell

The wingnuts are pretending to wrestle with the moral dilemma of whether to pray for Chris Hitchens, their ally in conspicuous hatred of Islamic fundamentalists and Bill Clinton's dong. The 'nuts aren't specific as to whether they are praying for Chris' recovery from esophageal cancer or his willingness to accept the Lord Jesus as his personal saviour before he snuffs it.
Of course, Chris would say these people are fools.

Hitchens's next book, he says, will be about the Ten Commandments.

"There's a loophole in everything," Hitchens says. "You can always fool God. Many is the Muslim who says, 'We can't have wine. Would you like a glass of ]?' I think religion is theology with the questions left out."

Meanwhile, Hitch appears to be fooling himself on the question of whether he actually quit smoking. If only he had listened to Nanny Bloomberg.

Hitchens has managed to pack a lot of living into his time so far, as well he should, since he knows there's no pie in the sky by and by. And his diagnosis may allow him the opportunity to come out of his shell and tell us what he really thinks.

(Title stolen from John Ridley)

Howard Kurtz, Patient Zero

In the course of beating off charges by a Politico writer that Reliable Sources is the Hair Club for Beltway hacks, Howad Kurtz sing-songed that the greatest proof of his show's diversity is that

"No one else was putting Jonah Goldberg on the air when we started booking him years ago."

(See clip at 42 seconds in)

And now, years later, Fox News and the Fox Business Channel will point a camera at the 'Load when the bottom of the barrel has been sucked dry and inspected with a microscope to make sure no one else has been overlooked.

Kurtz is correct that Reliable Sources isn't limited to Beltway insiders -- it features hacks from both coasts of the United States who will suck up to Howad. The club is open to anyone willing to ignore Kurtz's glaring conflicts and pretend he is an honest broker. The fact that Kurtz thinks his crowning accomplishment is infecting the airwaves with a dissembling wingnut who owes his career to Beltway incest is only further proof that Kurtz isn't fit to line a birdcage.

Will Glenn Reynolds be the first American to apply for an Iranian sex tourist visa?

EXCLUSIVE: Moonie Times Prepares To Sack Hacks as Calls to Fire Illiterate Headline Writers Grow

EXCLUSIVE: GOP prepares as calls for Steele's resignation grows

More remedial English, less tossing off into the holy handkerchief, guys.

Know who would make a good RNC Chairman?

Erick Erickson.

B.U. Hoo

The main problem with Beck University is its zero tolerance alcohol policy.

The founder of B.U. is a drunk who can tolerate zero alcohol, and suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome because of his drinking.

And what's a university without drinking? Surely no one goes to Beck U. to get laid.

Tourist Season

K-Lo's pen pal takes a two-week tour of Old Europe, and runs into a bunch of his fellow Americans:

My friend and I went all over the place, exploring the greatest cities of Western Civilization, and while inspiring, I was also troubled by what I saw. The cathedrals, some of the most magnificent buildings I have ever seen and that I would be in awe to worship in every day, were largely empty, while the sex shops and government bureaucracy buildings were teeming with people.

You'd've thought sharia law had taken care of all that.

The Fourth of July

The world's most famous illiterate editor writes:

Independence Day [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

What is everyone doing (besides reading Rich's column)? Please e-mail — especially if you're in the military or otherwise serving, someone.

I hope you get to enjoy the weekend.

K-Lo is, of course, watching the 24-hour The Patriot marathon on TNT and FedEXing cans of lighter fluid to Mel Gibson.

The Invisible Plane Is Now A Shapeshifting Prius

I wonder what Warner Fred Flintstone will say about this:

Given the hope that the character will one day have her own international film franchise (a feature has long been gestating at Warner Entertainment, DC's parent company), one test of the design was to imagine how it would look standing next to, say, Batman’s politically neutral ensemble. "The original costume was the American flag brought to life," Mr. Lee said. "This one is a little more universal."

Warner went crazier when G.I. Joe refused to waterboard the Hadji Singh action figure, and when Captain America dissed the teabaggers. This might really set him off, though I doubt he plays much with female dolls.

And this might be a little too Biblical for the fundies:

In the reimagining of her story, Wonder Woman, instead of growing up on Paradise Island with her mother, Queen Hippolyta, and her Amazon sisters, is smuggled out as a baby when unknown forces destroy her home and slaughter its inhabitants.

No word on which way Ms. Prince's lariat swings this time.

Hey Hey

Mr. Cub, Ernie Banks, participates in the Chicago Pride Parade.

Banks rode in a convertible with the Ricketts family, who bought the Cubs last fall and who made the team’s first official appearance in the parade.

Banks said he participated for the first time at the Ricketts’ behest and to thank the neighborhood Cubs fans.

"I know the area — Boystown — and they've all been very nice and friendly with me," Banks said. "I want to show that I have compassion for them.

"They know the game and have great respect for the players," he said.

The word compassion sounds a bit off in this context. But Ernie Banks was himself a victim of discrimination, having played the first part of his career in the Negro Leagues. And we all should be more compassionate.

Thoughts on The Weigel/Journolist Controversy

(My thoughts, in case you were wondering whose they were.)

1. Weigel shouldn't be surprised that statements he posted to the Journolist listserv were shared with non-members. In 2009, someone from the list shared postings with Mickey Fucking Kaus, for fuck's sake. It would be absurd to think that communications among the group would not reach the inboxes of bitter hacks such as Kaus, Tucker Faye Carlson and Jeffrey Goldberg.

2. Nothing Weigel wrote was particularly scathing or outrageous. Bryon York, Drudge, Big Pharma, etc. are deserving of far worse ribbing than anything Weigel wrote about them.

3. Nor was much of it particularly liberal. Weigel is a libertarian who didn't pretend that morons weren't morons for the sake of the team That job is already taken by Dr. and Mrs. Instracracker.

4. Now that WaPoCo has fired Wiegel, they can afford to pay Kaus again. Not that they should, but they surely will.

5. I don't know anything about the Journolist -- being neither a mover, a shaker or a midnight toker -- and don't much care. But how hard could it be to find out who the leaker(s) is/are? Eliminate everyone who doesn't think that leakees Kaus, Carlson and Goldberg are schmucks, and you've got a narrow field. I suppose the leaker could be someone who was silent on the schmuck question, or even someone who thinks they're schmucks but hates Klein/Weigel even more. But it's a good starting point.

6. Howard Kurtz is still a fucking right-wing hack. Writes Kurtz:

This is not the first time that washingtonpost.com has had problems covering the right. In 2006, conservative blogger Ben Domenech resigned three days after his debut, following a flurry of plagiarism allegations involving his previous work.

Allegations? Box Turtle Ben got caught redstate-handed, and lied about it. And Domenech wasn't "a problem covering the right," he was problem of the right.

7. Bottom line: WaPoCo is free to do whatever it likes with its dwindling resources and its dwindled credibility. Maybe they can clone Kurtz and Milbank and Gerson and Sally Quinn and Chas. Lane, who don't pretend (or succesfully pretend) to be reporters. Just makes my "job" easier.

Palin/McChrystal '12.

You will be reading that (somewhere other than here) in the next 24 minutes. It will be the leading wingnut wet dream by this time tomorrow.

What Is The Sound of One Hand Fapping?

im not listening to huey lewis and the news but i wouldnt mind if i were

Priests Are Fathers Too

K-Lo tweets twice: Priests are Fathers too

Why, yes, Kathryn, they are:

NEW YORK — A Mexican man said Monday he is the son of the founder of a once-influential Roman Catholic religious order, and accused his father of repeatedly molesting him.

In a lawsuit, Jose Raul Gonzalez, 30, accused the late Rev. Marcial Maciel of abuse beginning at age 7. Gonzalez said Maciel led a double life, explaining his long absences from the family by saying he was a CIA agent and oil executive.

Despite the power the Legionaries of Christ once held with Vatican officials, the Holy See recently concluded that Maciel, the order's founder, led a life that was "devoid of any scruples" and included molesting young boys.

Gonzalez said the abuse began when Maciel took him on trips in South America, England and elsewhere. Leaders of the Legion knew for decades that Maciel was a pedophile and did nothing to stop him, Gonzalez said in his legal claim against the group.

"He always said to us that he was an enemy of the lies, but he was the most liar, the biggest liar," said Gonzalez, at a news conference with his attorney, Jeff Anderson.

Jim Fair, a U.S. spokesman for the Legion, said he could not comment on the lawsuit, but Fair noted that the Legion has said that Gonzalez' paternity claim "apparently was true."

It would be a very good idea to keep minors off the National Review Cruise.

Nice Deep Sea Oil Platform You Have There, Miss. Be A Shame If Something Happened To It

I see your Native American genocide, Roy, and call you: Obama raped B.P. while shaking it down:

Let me be clear about something - BP must pay. They've created an environmental disaster (sorry, Mr. President, but it's probably not the biggest in American history - look up the dust bowl sometime) that will probably devastate economic and natural life in the Gulf of Mexico for years and years. I don't think $20 billion plus clean-up costs is too much to demand. It might in fact be too little. If BP cut corners on safety and if the cut corners greatly increased the probability of this disaster, it deserves every legal penalty we can throw at it. But let's not forget that a prostitute can be raped, church-going family men can commit rape, and you're more likely to get away with rape if everyone thinks the victim deserves it. A corporate vandal can be shaken down, our saintly president can probably manage a pretty good shakedown, and he's likely to get away with it if everyone thinks the victim deserves it.

Well played, James! You would make sweet, sweet love to BP while collecting its cash, whereas Obama is simply a cad and a brute who doesn't respect our Anglo cwhoreperations!

FOX News has just placed you into its speed dial. But you've got to add race hustler and poverty pimp to your repertoire if you want a spot on prime time.

Crazy Inspector General's Frivolous Lawsuit Tossed

Here's further proof that Gerald Walpin was unqualified to serve as Inspector General for the Corporation for National and Community Service -- his frivolous lawsuit against the United States was tossed by a U.S. District Judge.

In due course, we will learn that a U.S. Court of Appeals and the United States Supreme Court are in on the conspiracy against Mr. Walpin, at least if we keep our subscriptions to Wingnut News Daily and the Moonie Times current.

What do you call an oil company executive with no arms and no legs floating in the Gulf of Mexico?

If you needed additional evidence that Ross "Chunky John Witherspoon" Douthat is a pompous smarmy git, behold:

Like most English-speaking scribes, I’ve spent the last few weeks dipping in and out of Christopher Hitchens’ memoir, “Hitch-22.”

Really, Ross? Most English-speaking scribes have spent the last few weeks dipping in and out of Hitch's book? A preponderance of Anglophonic scribes? You're "dipping in and out of" a book?

Try this: "I've been reading Christopher Hitchens' book ...." Your ideas are asinine enough; don't write like an ass too.

Blah Law Blog

Can you stand to watch Instacracker's bowl haircut and Mickey Kaus in the same video? If not, don't click here.

I watched a bit of this meeting of the mindless. In it, Kaus claims he's meeting with the poobahs who run Slate to see if he can get his old job back. (wink, wink) Of course, Slate directed readers to the Kausfiles site throughout the entire Kaus "campaign," so they're fooling nobody. Kaus also claims he's trying to negotiate a better deal, although he has admitted elsewhere that his traffic is down to a third of what it was before he "left" Slate. So if WaPoCo agrees to pay him anything more than 30K a year upon his "return," his status as a wingnut welfare queen is confirmed.

Kaus also muses about becoming a law professor, and he appears to be serious -- and unusually ambitious, since he couldn't even muster a single blog post most of the days of his campaign. But he did attend law school nearly 40 years ago and clerked for a California appellate judge. Perhaps Harvard can create an Anti-Labor Law class for him, or an advisory position at an Immigrants Have No Rights Clinic.

To be fair, Kaus probably figured the job requires no legal skills or intelligence, given the continued employment of Glenn Reynolds, Ann Althouse, Hugh Hewitt, S. Bainbridge and that schmuck from Legal In-Erection. But it's hard to imagine a law school where Kaus' talents would be truly appreciated, apart from Regent University.

Flotillas We Wouldn't Mind Seeing Boarded by the IDF

This must be some kind of inside wingnut joke. NRO has a side banner ad titled "27 REASONS TO COME ON THE NR 2010 POST-ELECTION CRUISE." The ad then lists 28 names, the last of which is "Kaj Relwof." Kaj Relwof doesn't appear to be a person's name, or anything else, according to Google. So it makes no sense, as a joke or otherwise.

Kaj Relwof is an anagram of Jerk A Wolf, so maybe participants get to give W. Issac Blitzer a handjob.

The 24 of the other 27 guests of honor are men; the only women are Phyllis Schlafly, K-Lo and K-O'B. Not exactly a swingers' cruise, unless you, Bernard Lewis, Bernard Goldberg and Roger Kimball is your fantasy four-way.

Query

Does Instacracker tip Doctor Helen when she puts the colander on his head and whips out the Flowbee?

(Yes, this really is a comment but I always have trouble logging in at TBogg.)

BattereBay

What's the difference between Bob Etheridge and Meg Whitman? The alleged payoff, for one thing:

In June 2007, an eBay employee claimed that Ms. Whitman became angry and forcefully pushed her in an executive conference room at eBay’s headquarters, according to multiple former eBay employees with knowledge of the incident. They spoke on the condition of anonymity because the matter was delicate and was deemed to be strictly confidential.

The employee, Young Mi Kim, was preparing Ms. Whitman for a news media interview that day. Ms. Kim, who was not injured in the incident, hired a lawyer and threatened a lawsuit, but the dispute was resolved under the supervision of a private mediator.

Two of the former employees said the company paid a six-figure financial settlement to Ms. Kim, which one of them characterized as "around $200,000."

In Ms. Hitman's defense, I'd be constantly pissed off if my business was selling people's used crap. I'd be even more pissed as a shareholder whose money was used to protect a lunatic CEO.

Meegan

But is there enough lithium in Afghanistan to cure the G.O.P.?

Kausmortem

Mickey Kaus still hasn't returned to Slate, perhaps to make it look it like that wasn't the plan all along.

On his campaign site, Kaus is trumpeting that he vote total has now increased to over 100,000, with late counted ballots added to the total (presumably provisional ballots). He neglects to mention that his percentage of the vote remained exactly the same.

Kaus also mentions that he was annoyed when asked if his campaign was fun, pecksniffing that his campaign was a noble cause and that he was trying to make a difference by pissing on the working class. One of Kaus' kommentors claims to be "in awe of your courage," which would be the courage to milk suckers and spend their money on house parties for his friends and vanity videos.

As Kaus says elsewhere on his site, he cannot now run as an independent, having lost the Dem primary. He could, however, run as a write-in, and I'm not sure he couldn't run as a TP candidate.

We're still waiting for Kaus to announce the winner of his You Tube Video Challenge, which I suspect had no entries because I didn't submit this.

I thought I'd caught World Cup fever, but it's just a kidney infection.

A Perfect 115

This could be really good as an audiobook with the main characters voiced by Beck and Sharia Plain soundalikes. I think I'll go to the library on June 15 and berate the librarian if she/he doesn't have my copy waiting for me.

Ass 'Leker

James Lileks, the "humorist" whose forehead resembles a human ass, only larger, tells a tall tale in which his daughter comes across the President using the word "ass." Lileks bemoans the fact that Obama said ass in public, whereas more statesmenlike solons only spoke ass in private. Lileks simpers that "[i]t will now be difficult to tell her not to use that word."

The problem with this fairy tale is that Lileks has used "ass" in the same context hundreds of times on his own shitty website. Apparently Lileks' frequent use of the word in a public forum doesn't make it difficult to instruct his offspring; it's only when Barry X uses the noun that Lileks struggles as a parent.

Lileks seems the kind of oblivious asshole who doesn't recognize when he engages in the kind of activities he criticizes others for. No doubt Lileks rages against Obama because he's popular and intelligent and has kicked the ass of many a terrorist who's caused Lileks to soil his own ass. And that kind of rage can make one stupider than one already is.

(Tip o' the ass to roy edroso.)

Hugh Hewitt Has Nothing to Worry About

Don't worry Noel. If anything, she charged them to the RNC.

(via S, N!)

Which Way, M.K.?

Mickey Kaus's next move?

a. Return to Slate job he never really left, to live off WaPo Wingnut Welfare until age 67.

b. Return to Slate job at one-third salary based on revelation as to how much traffic Kaus was actually generating for Slate.

c. Blog independently; move into debating partner after income fails to cover rent.

d. Run as Tea Party candidate, identified on ballot as Mickey "Mickey" "I SAID, MICKEY!" Kaus.

e. Become Republican after Democratic Party says, "Yes, we left you. Now get the fuck out!"

f. Lengthy hospitalization after mother sends union thugs to get her Volvo back.

How to Be A Libertarian Asshole

J. Bowen said...

I was at the library today to print something and there was some old guy at the counter yelling at the lady because the library didn't have a copy of  [The Road to Serfdom] even though Glenn Beck was advertising it. It was disturbing and hilarious at the same time.

3:32 PM, June 09, 2010

["Doctor"] Helen said...

J. Bowen,

It's a classic, they should have it in the library. Good for the guy for yelling. I bet they have all of Toni Morrison's books.

3:39 PM, June 09, 2010

The librarian probably belted the guy too, since she was a woman.

(Edited to include the punchline -- D'oh! -- the title of the book)

So who bankrolled the Kaus Kampaign? Looks like mainly white collar white folks with money burning holes in their pockets. Notable Kaus Kampaigners including Mike Kinsley, John Ellis (formerly of FOX), Heather McDonald and Mrs. Doughy Pantload. Not a lot of real Democrats in that crowd.

Gadfly vs. Gadfly

How significant is Kaus's vote total?

Kaus claims he garnered more than 100,000 votes, although the Secretary of State's website lists his total as 94,000.

Dr. Orly Taitz won 372,000 votes in the Republican primary race for Secretary of State. She also lost.

Kaus: 1/4th as popular as a birther.

Update (two minutes later): TS beat me to it. Damn! And Weigel and Alex Pareene too!

Kaus Fails

With 10.6 percent of precincts reporting, the Hairless Hack is managing to hold on to third place in the California Senate contest, garnering close to 1/3 of the votes of the second place candidate, Brian "Producer to the Stars" Quintana has captured.

Barbara Boxer 367,955 79.2%
Robert M. "Mickey" Kaus 24,381 5.2%
Brian Quintana 72,673 15.6%

Perhaps Kaus can get Mr. Quintana kicked out of the country -- or at least Barney's Beanery -- and claim victory.

We can assume from these results that three times as many California Democrats hate Jon Peters as hate unions and immigrants.

Don't Tell Arizona

The National Spelling Bee has foreigners in it!

p.s. -- I correctly spelled 25 on the sample test, including the incredibly dorktastic Round 2 and 3 words, which was not good enough to enter the semi-finals and constitute begging for a wedgie. At age 10, I probably would have scored a 3.

Blog Whoring

Los Angelenos are more fucked up than anyone ever imagined:

"FOR a solitary blogger, Mickey Kaus is astonishingly social and well connected: It's difficult to find a writer or politico in Los Angeles who hasn't knocked boots (or opinions) with Mr. Kaus at a party, or at the monthly mixers he hosts at Yamashiro restaurant and a supper club jokingly called Morons." (Link added)

After next Tuesday, the constant stream of undeserved puffers from the EMESSEM will end, and Kaus will stink up Slate.com (the job he never really quit) once again. Everyone will stop pretending that Kaus was "trying to reach a new audience" by holding house parties at his friends' fabulous homes and appearing on wingnut radio programs like the Depends Media Political Comedy Hour. No one will care that Kaus never tried to reach Democratic voters beyond those in his members-only swingers' club, and never sought to lower himself by engaging with, or speaking to, actual union members, teachers or immigrant rights supporters. It was all just a kabuki cocktail circle jerk for fat and self-satisfied elites, starting (sic) with the candidate himself, who never encountered a problem they couldn't blame on the help.

Polls open Tuesday at 7:00 a.m. and stay open until 8:00 p.m. Cast your vote. You may never enjoy an election more than this one.

Rock and Roll Will Never Die

As long as there are people with full-time jobs and social obligations (or medical appointments!) who are too lazy to figure out ad software and are content to publish lame gags with lots of swear words, there will always be an amateur blogosphere.

Catch the Spit

Aging hippies sic their shysters on a creepy racist:

Lawyers representing Canadian rockers Rush have ordered an American politician to stop using their music as part of his Senate campaign.

The musicians are said to have been left fuming after discovering Kentucky's Republican candidate Rand Paul had been using their tracks during public events and in online adverts as he seeks election to office.

Robert Farmer, an attorney for the band's Entertainment Group Inc. record label, has written to Paul's campaign officials claiming the use of Rush's music violates copyright laws, according to Courier-journal.com.

Rand Paul: rights for me, but not for African-Americans or Canadian hippies who can't even get their name spelled right in the fucking Toronto Sun!.

More on Rush and Rand here. (I see Chait linked to this in April, but I found it independently.)

Wankerman

Tucker Carlson's giant sinkhole, the Daily Choler, is running columns written under the nom de wingnut "Anchorman." These missives are written by someone pretending to be "a well-known news anchor from a top-10, big city station." The columns invariably involve Anchorman snivelling about how liberal the news business is, and how he would lose his job if secret wingnut identity was disclosed.

The Daily Choler promised Anchorman complete anonymity by agreeing to publish him on the Daily Choler website.

In publishing the most recent of these pieces, the Daily Choler forget they were pretending that the author was a local anchor and titled his column "Anchor accuses own network of 'embarrassing' bias in Israel coverage." But the premise of the column was that Wankerman was writing a memo to his own boss about what appeared on his local station's 5 p.m. newscast. (The headline duped some of the duller dullards.)

It's clear that Wankerman is a fictitious character. Because most of the time, his patrons forget to pretend they're keeping his "identity" secret.

For example, the Choler claims Wankerman is a well-known talking wigstand in a top ten teevee market. Wanker stated in a recent column that he drove home from the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Only four of the top ten markets are on the East Coast: New York, D.C., Boston and Philly. It's highly doubtful that even a Wanker would drive home from D.C. to New York or Boston, particularly if he had to anchor the Sunday morning station i.d.'s between Hair Club infomercials.

In another column, the Wanker shows a bigoted fascination with two D.C. murder cases. Doubt those got much play in NYC/Boston/Philly.

Wanker also claims he "anchored a No. 1 rated 10 p.m. newscast in the Midwest in the mid-1980's," meaning that the character would have had to been working in teevee for at least 25 years.

And so on. It wouldn't be hard to identify Wankerman if he was a real person, rather than one of Tucker Faye Carlson's unpaid interns pretending to be an elderly reactionary who cribs column ideas from Mallard Fillmore and Free Republic. Tucker should give up the gag and admit the closet case anchor is a fake.

Kaus Hires Ruth Shalit as Ad Director

From Kausfails:

We have our first TV ad, which you can see here. .... Press release here. ... It's based on a classic Paul Wellstone spot (done by North Woods Advertising). ...

Kaus still can't come up with an original idea. Maybe if he stole Wellstone's policies and not his advertisements he'd crack the .0001% voter support ceiling.

Bonus Kaus Komedy: "We're going to win on truth." So if you lose, it's because of your lies, Mickey?

Less Than Zero

Thor Thorassson gets a scolding from Mr. Floppy:

But sacrificing your own credibility in an effort to undermine someone else’s is not a good idea, and what Erickson has done has surely hurt both his own reputation and that of his website.

As if Red, Running Sore State had any credibility to begin with. Or CNN.

Coleman.

Hopper.

The Curse of An American Carol continues unabated.

George and Lanny

Fox News Democrat Lanny Davis:

Ms. Maddow also failed to elicit from Mr. Paul, much less credit him, with clearly liberal positions on the major issues, also consistent with libertarian principles, such as the fact that he is unambiguously pro-choice (“government should be kept out of the matter, leaving the question to each person for their conscientious consideration”); pro-civil liberties (“we oppose reduction of constitutional safeguards of the rights of the criminally accused … the Bill of Rights provides no exceptions for a time of war”); and pro-decriminalizing victimless crimes, such as the use of drugs for medicinal or recreational purposes.

Rachel Maddow did fail to credit Rand Paul for being unambiguously pro-choice. I wonder why?

I am 100% pro life. I believe abortion is taking the life of an innocent human being. I believe life begins at conception and it is the duty of our government to protect this life.
I will always vote for any and all legislation that would end abortion or lead us in the direction of ending abortion. I believe in a Human Life Amendment and a Life at Conception Act as federal solutions to the abortion issue.

Perhaps Ms. Maddow perceived an ambiguity.

Or perhaps she didn't confuse Randal Paul with the platform of the Libertarian Party, where Davis's quote comes from. Even for a FoxDem hack, writing on a Tucker Faye Carlson website, this is fairly pathetic.

p.s. Ta-Nehisi Coates has already covered this ground.

That Oughta Hold The Little ...

Midget Mickey Kaus:

I support a woman's ability to choose to have an abortion in the first trimester. I have grave doubts about the morality of some late second-term elective abortions, including so-called "partial birth abortion."

The failed blogger also supports a woman's ability to multiply three-digit numbers, to fill out a ballot and to shut the fuck up and bring me a beer.

Do the wingnuts who donate to the Kaus campaign know about this?

Regarding Israel, [Mickey Kaus] deplored the continued building of settlements to serve a fringe group and urged the United States to demand that Israel take the steps necessary to move toward peace. The Arab world has to see the United States as an actor independent of Israel.

The FEC hasn't disclosed the names of Kaus contributors, yet. But the thought of Obammy telling Bibi what to do, instead of the other way 'round, should send a sizable portion of Kaus's wingnut/Boxer-hater donor base to the gates of Kaus Manor with pitchforks and requests for reimbursement.

The FEC website still hasn't identified any of Kaus's donors, but we'll keep checking.

Kaus Debates Future Home

(Photo via here, where Kaus loses a key endorsement.)

Will California issue a similar prohibition on goat suits?

Two Degrees of Freedomworksation

America's favorite libertarian blogger has nothing to say about America's favorite libertarian politician's favorite libertarian philosophies.

Not nothing intelligent to say.

Nothing to say.

How strange.

Paul/Kane '12

That's the ticket:

Sheriff Kelly said that Mr. Kane complained in 2004 about being sentenced to six days of community service for driving with an expired license plate and no seat belt, saying that the judge had tried to “enslave” him. Mr. Kane had added that he was a “free man” and had asked for $100,000 per day in gold or silver.

The Talking Slapheads

According to some site linked by Memeorandum, hairless troll doll Mark Levin (pronounced "Leh-VEEN") has issued a challenge:

Since Rand Paul has canceled his Sunday appearance on MTP, there's an opening, and Levin wants in. He challenges Gregory to have a real conservative on for a change.

Rich Lowry, Orrin Hatch, Karl Rove, David Brooks, John Boehner, Michael Steele, Mike Murphy, Michael Chertoff, Lindsey Graham, Jeff Sessions, Joe Lieberman, Kathleen Parker, Marsha Blackburn, Richard Shelby, Mike Pence, Lamar Alexander, Mitch McConnell and Peggy Noonan -- all Press the Meet guests since March -- aren't real conservatives, to Levin's mind.

Apparently Levin thinks Press the Meet should invite him on just because he's a "real conservative," and Paul isn't. (Or something. It doesn't have to make sense.) Paul accomplished something, which makes him a newsmaker, and Levin hasn't achieved anything greater than facial hair in the past quarter-century.

But I hope he gets the invite. The guy can't even outwit Geraldo Rivera, and he won't do any better when seated next to three sane people.

Accidents Will Happen

Republican Rand Paul:

"And I think it's part of this sort of blame-game society in the sense that it's always got to be somebody's fault instead of the fact that maybe sometimes accidents happen," Paul said.

The senate candidate referred to a Kentucky coal mine accident that killed two men, saying he had met with the families and he admired the coal miners' courage.

"We had a mining accident that was very tragic. ... Then we come in and it's always someone's fault. Maybe sometimes accidents happen," he said.

Shit happens:

PROVIDENCE, Ky. -- A rescue team found a second Kentucky miner dead Thursday after a roof collapse at an underground coal mine with a long history of safety problems.

Kentucky Office of Mine Safety and Licensing spokesman Dick Brown said the two miners were killed in an accident at the Dotiki Mine near Providence in western Kentucky late Wednesday.

Gov. Steve Beshear identified the miners as 27-year-old Justin Travis and 28-year-old Michael Carter.

"Our entire state mourns along with the families and friends," Beshear said in a statement. "Despite our sadness, we must press forward to the work ahead of us -- fully investigating what caused this accident and determining ways to avoid such accidents in the future."

...

State and federal records show more than 40 closure orders for the mine over safety violations since January 2009.

Records show inspectors from the Kentucky Office of Mine Safety and Licensing have issued 31 orders to close sections of the mine or to shut down equipment because of safety violations since January 2009. Those records also show an additional 44 citations for safety violations that didn't result in closure orders.

MSHA records show the mine was cited 840 times by federal inspectors for safety violations since January 2009, and 11 times closure orders were issued.

The records show 214 of the citations were issued in the first four months of this year, and twice inspectors issued closure orders this year.

The accident happened while the miners were operating what's known as a continuous miner, a toothy machine that digs coal for transport to the surface, said Ricki Gardenhire, a spokeswoman for the Office of Mine Safety and Licensing.

Surely an act of God.

Through A Teabag, Darkly

Criticizing a British company for environmental devastation of American waters and coastline is "un-American":

WASHINGTON – Kentucky's Republican Senate candidate Rand Paul criticized President Barack Obama's handling of the Gulf oil spill Friday as putting "his boot heel on the throat of BP" and "really un-American."

Paul's defense of the oil company came during an interview in which he tried to explain his controversial take on civil rights law, an issue that has overtaken his campaign since his victory in Tuesday's GOP primary.

"What I don't like from the president's administration is this sort of, 'I'll put my boot heel on the throat of BP,'" Rand said in an interview with ABC's "Good Morning America." "I think that sounds really un-American in his criticism of business."

Does this dimwit even understand what "Tea Party" refers to?

(Read the whole article; it's comedy gold! And Obama hasn't even put on argyle sock on BP. Someone please send him some steel-toed hob-nail boots.)

Roger Solves Your Problems

Rand. May I call you Rand? Just hire Lloyd Marcus as your campaign spokesman.

No need to thank me.

In Which Kaus Begs to Get His Slate Job Back

With three weeks to go before the primary, Midget Mickey Kaus speaks to the issues California voters care about:

I'll pay for a week's worth of Andrew Sullivan's testosterone injections if he can find a single blog post where I "assumed [Gary] Condit's guilt." ... I've apologized for thinking Condit's guilt was more of a possibility than was justified. That's not assuming guilt. I always held open the alternative possibility that he wasn't guilty--as he wasn't, it turned out--because early on I'd talked to a very sensible and well-positioned source who scoffed at the idea that Condit did it. ...

Instead of debating Barbara Boxer, Kaus should be debating the corpses of Babs Olson and Dominick Dunne.

If elected, Kaus will sponsor Senate resolutions condemning Ron Burkle and all younger and more popular bloggers.

Update (9/21): The midget offers a Randpaulian clarification of his position on the issues:

From: Mickey Kaus (Mickey_Kaus@msn.com)

Subject: re: The Sullivan Testosterone Challenge!

I wasn't mocking Sullivan for HIV! I'm teasing/mocking him for juicing himself up with what by his own account is a powerful drug that makes him unusually combative.

Next thing you know, Kaus will declare that if he had been HIV-positive in the 80s, he'd use testosterone too.

Republican Family Values: Parks and Recreation Edition

Despite 58 years of abstinence education, Hooiser Grandaddy Mark Souter (R-IN) needs a refresher course. The aged porkbuster has not only sinned against God, but against Nature as well:

Less than a week before the Republican primary election, anonymous callers phoned some of the Republican candidates running against Souder, with allegations that he was regularly meeting a girlfriend for romantic trysts in state parks. One alleged that he and a staffer went together late at night to the remote and heavily-forested Robinson Lake boat launch in Whitley County. But the opponents questioned the reliability of the information, and did not make a public issue of the claims.

For Indiana families wishing to avoid Souder's discarded scumbags on the hiking trial, the question remains: Which parks did Souder visit? My guesses:

Limberlost State Memorial
Frances Slocum State Forest
Clifty Falls State Park
Mounds State Park
Kaukakee State Fish and Wildlife Area
Middle Fork State Wildlife Refuge
Turkey Run State Park

"I will take it a step further to say the campaign against Sarah Plain is really a battle of good verses evil." - Lloyd Marcus, Author, Confessions of a Black Conservative

Bonus quote:

Remember, like Palin, the liberal mainstream media desire us tea party patriots politically dead."

$300 an hour.

Seems the entire State of Florida hired a rentboy.

Talk about a fraud on the court.

In v. Out

Elena Kagan is a heterosexual, say people who know her from her early days in the Ivy League. But is that good enough? Kagan has a very thin record of dating, and has published almost nothing on the subject. Hopefully she will use the confirmation process to let us know how she swings, thus allowing the public to make an informed judgment about whether we would do her. If all goes well, she could be the next David Souter.

If Elected, I Would Intend to Serve

Even in his own press releases, Kaus sounds like an ineffectual doof:

"But people want a leader too, and I would intend to be one."

Slappy couldn't even write a proper press release if he intended to, yet he thinks he would intend to be a leader.

The exception to the rule that wingnuts are never intentionally funny.

Shorter Nick Pistof: You Can't Criticize The Catholic Church For Protecting Pedophiles Because I Know Some Priest Who Got His Ass Kicked In Sudan

No. Seriously:

It’s because of brave souls like these that I honor the Catholic Church. I understand why many Americans disdain a church whose leaders are linked to cover-ups and antediluvian stances on women, gays and condoms — but the Catholic Church is far larger than the Vatican.

And unless we’re willing to endure beatings alongside Father Michael, unless we’re willing to stand up to warlords with Sister Cathy, we have no right to disparage them or their true church. (Emphasis added.)

Even shorter Nick Pistof: Moral distinctions are unpossible!

Pistof's next column: We have no right to disparage accused anthrax killers because of Dr. Steven Hatfill.

Porn Again

The New York Times has an article about fundie therapy aimed at treating womens' "addiction to pornography." The only problem with the program is that the problem is not pornography addiction, but the effects of sexual abuse:

Michele L. H., 27, who spoke on the condition that her last name not be used out of respect for her husband and son, said Ms. Renaud’s group had helped her stay in her marriage. When she was young, she said, relatives sexually abused her and made her look at pornography as instruction in how to behave. As an adult she needed pornography to be aroused with her husband, she said.

“I’m learning the correct way of intimacy and bonds,” she said of the group. “It’s learning what your spouse wants, his needs.” In her first weeks, she recalled, she struggled to avoid masturbation. “She’ll text me with loophole questions,” Ms. Renaud said. “I’ll say, ‘No, it doesn’t work that way.’ ”

“But I need to release myself,” Michele said.

“I’ll say, ‘O.K., pray about it,’ ” Ms. Renaud said. She added, “Distraction is a big part of recovery.”

Kelsie, the 17-year-old, also agreed to speak on the condition that her full name not be used. She said that she had been taught secular views about masturbation, but that Ms. Renaud's way made more sense.

She added: “You have to take into consideration what's best for the one you're going to be with. Say someday I'm married and my husband can't please me as much as I please myself. That'd be terrible.”

Telling victims of childhood rape that they need to stop thinking about their own needs doesn't seem to be particularly healthy solution. Nor does calling them addicts, for that matter. I'd suppose that if Michele wanted to stay in her marriage, she and her husband might get more benefit from joint counseling which addresses the assualts Michele suffered as a child, and how they currently affect her and their marriage. But then, I haven't watched part of "a DVD course in sexual addiction counseling from the American Association of Christian Counselors," so what the hell do I know?

Kausfails

In which we learn that the well of wingnut welfare has run dry for Senator-wannabe Mickey Kaus:

One of the key innovations of the Kaus for Senate campaign was supposed to be the combination of this pre-existing blog and the campaign web site. Readers would stop by the blog and while they were here they'd hit the contribution button to the right and send some money to get the message out to non-readers. Synergy! Well ... it's not working, people! Or, at least, it's stopped working. ...

I'm shocked that the throngs of Democrats who privately urged Mickey to run and claimed they endorsed his message are, in fact, broke-ass chumps (or maybe they just enjoy a good laugh -- ed.). Perhaps Kaus can blame it on the campaign finance laws, as even his Republican constituency doesn't want to be seen as giving money to Fred Thompson II: Electorate Boogaloo.

On the other hand, Kaus is claiming he's raised somewhere between 10 and 20K -- no accounting problem there! -- and his only expenses are a filing fee, a shitty website template and one ad on Ann Alchouse's blog. Yet he's begging for more cash. So much for claims of fiscal responsibility.

The Rover Boy

Anyone who thinks that Mark "Little Mort" Halperin is anything other than a Republican stooge should read this tribute to Willard and the Turd:

Rove also shows some vulnerability when discussing his own tribulations; even his staunchest critics might feel a twinge at the scorching account of his family’s ordeal during the C.I.A. leak investigation, as he tried to fend off prosecutors while his wife tried to ward off the press.

Little Mort fetches for the G.O.P. like Dick Morris in the presence of a five-dollar whore.

Lame Canada

Re: this:

1. Why is it bigger outrage for Comedy Central to bleep "Mohammed" out of South Park than to do the same with the words "fuck" or "cocksucker?" If I understand correctly, Parker and Stone already bleep those words out before submitting their cartoons to the network (presumably they either agreed to do that or know it would happen if they didn't). No one simpers about free speech or censorship when South Park is shown with "cunt" removed. Is it any less censorious to bleep words because of fear of economic harm or government regulation than it is because of a threat of violence? In the latter case, the channel at least has the justification of protecting of its employees from the threat.

2. Instead of Draw Mohammed Day, wouldn't be a bit more ballsy, not to mention on point, to ridicule the dickheads who issued the threat? Last time I checked, Mohammed was dead. He's not objecting, and whatever remains of his corpse not going to harm anyone. If Bill Donahue is being a homophobic dick, do you draw Jesus or the Pope giving blowjobs?

3. Parker and Stone shouldn't be killed for their opinions. They should be killed for Baseketball. Repeatedly.

The Galt Boat, Soon Will be Making Another Run

A remake of Out to Sea, starring Libertarian Fonzie and his fellow Koresh apologists as the dinner dates of elderly Rand acolytes. Watch for Somali pirates in the third act:

Event Highlights...

You've never been on a cruise like this! Join Reason's A-team of journalists, policy wonks, and special guests for an amazing week of thought-provoking seminars and stimulating discussions aboard the luxurious Celebrity Solstice. With exclusive cocktail parties, special dinners, and fun excursions with fellow Reasonistas, it will be a week you'll never forget!

In addition to all the wonderful activities aboard the Celebrity Solstice and in port, this exclusive The Reason Cruise event includes:

...

-- Port charges, taxes, fuel surcharges, and government fees.

Damn! That's gotta hurt.

Might I Suggest "Every Sperm Is Sacred"?

A lark at the expense of the Pontiff for Perverts:

An internal Foreign Office memo about this September's papal visit to Britain which started as a Friday afternoon joke, today has resulted in a formal government apology to the Vatican.

The memorandum, apparently written following a brainstorming session by a group of junior civil servants planning events for the four-day visit by Pope Benedict XVI, suggested among other ideas that he might like to start a helpline for abused children, sack "dodgy" bishops, open an abortion ward, launch his own brand of condoms, preside at a civil partnership, perform forward rolls with children, apologise for the Spanish armada and sing a song with the Queen.

One online commenter critical of the Foreign Office sniffed, "Once Oxbridge scrapped its Latin entrance paper and oiks began to be actively encouraged to apply, this sort of degeneration was almost bound to happen." I should say so -- no reference to reinstatement of the Acts of Supremacy and Uniformity.

Kaus Gets V.D.

The endorsement, that is.

Whether his writing style is the product of syphilitic dementia is a question on which I offer no opinion.

Midget Mickey Kaus proves his Democratic bona fidss by buying an ad on Ann Alchouse's blog, insulting Senator Boxer on FOX News and linking to Ron Paulnuts. Still no disclosure of Kaus's positions beyond his hatred of unions and Ezra Klein.

(At his blog. Not worth the trip.)

Big Pharma Still On The Hillbilly Heroin

According to tonight's Countdown, Rush "Anal Cyst" Limbaugh today blamed President Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno for Ruby Ridge. Big Pharma must be reading Reason while shooting up again.

I'll post a link if I can find one.

Althouse Teabags President Clinton

You can't accuse Ann Alchouse of Clinton Derangement Syndrome, since she's deranged about a large number of things. But her delusions regarding President Clinton are among her most abundant and fragrant.

Still the Worst Campaign Ever

Scene deleted from Eyes Wide Shut to avoid NC-17 rating

(courtesy Huffington Post)

The Kaus Kampaign rolls on with yet another three-day hiatus.  This is the weekend of the California Democratic Party Convention. Kaus will lose yet another campaign issue after today, namely, his inability to secure a speaking slot at the Convention.

Where was Kaus this weekend? Apparently not at the anti-immigration rally and counterprotest in Los Angeles. Maybe he was on yet another wingnut radio call-in, or appearing on a local call-in show on community station whose transmitter is powered by a hamster wheel. (At least the latter gave Kaus the opportunity to state his views on the legalization of pot and the all-time best Dead bootlegs.)

Kaus claimed on a Bloggingheads segment that's he's raised around $10K in his campaign to date. When the time for disclosure comes round, it will be interesting to see whether 100 percent or only 99 percent of the campaign contributions came from wingnut bloggers and Ivy League chums who have been subsiding Kaus's career for the past 30 years. It all depends on whether his relatives shut him down completely.

Champions of lost causes would be better off flushing their contributions down Star Parker's toilet. At least Parker put some effort into her campaign website.

I offer my sincere apologies to Ben Domenech if he is offended at all by my repetition of the fact that he is a serial plagiarist.

Confidential to BBC Board of Governors

I am available for the Radio 4 Controller position, Guv'ners.

P.S. -- I am not the fat FOX fuck.

P.P.S. -- Yes, I know about the Trust.

Meegan Is the N___er of the World

Ever wonder why Meegan MeCardle isn't the President of Harvard, the anchor of a network news program and the head writer for The Daily Show?

Well, it's not the reason you've come up with. Let Meegan explain:

Conservatives are, not to overlabor the obvious, marginalized in the cultural elite, even though they are powerful in the political elite. (At least some of the time, anyway). Obviously there's been an enormous amount of ink shed about why this is, but my experience of talking to people who might have liked to go to grad school or work in Hollywood, but went and did something else instead, is that it is simply hogwash when liberals earnestly assure me that the disparity exists mostly because conservatives are different, and maybe dumber.

It's hard to believe that a person capable of writing that last sentence graduated from the University of Chicago and is paid to write for The Atlantic. Meritocracy, my ass.

Although the sentence is incomprehensible, Meegan appears to be saying that certain people who didn't go to graduate school or into show business have told her they're not different or stupid, and thus must have been barred from higher education and the media by nasty liberals who control those enterprises. And I'm here to say that I didn't marry Linda Evangelista because she found me too well-endowed and charming.

MeCardle then goes on to compare her plight (and the plight of her fellow college graduate pals in the media) to that of blacks in a fantasy version of segregated America in the fifties. (Come January 1, 1960 that unpleasantness was all past, don't you know.) Professor Berube has already dispatched that comparison to ashheap of stupidity. More fundamentally, Meegan ignores the fact that education and the media today are lousy with both wingnut institutions and wingnuts working for other, less-overtly wingnut institutions. Her argument rests on the premise that something which isn't true is "obviously" "obvious."

Besides, everyone knows that liberals control the housing market and are conspiring to keep Meegan and Pee-Sud out of their Barbie Dream House. That's a much bigger priority than monopolizing the schools and HBO.

Teabag It Forward

Carl Paladino, Republican, is running on a varation of the Instapundit dodge -- linking isn't endorsement:

"I confess to being human and imperfect, as are all of God's children," Paladino said. "I'm not a racist, and I say that even in some of the emails that they have hacked from my computer."

"To any of the ladies I've offended, I apologize," Paladino said. "I say this to any of the men out there who have never opened a graphic image on the internet, don't vote for me. For those who have, I welcome your vote."

"And if you send me your e-mail address, I'll make sure you open a graphic image. You into animal sex?"

Strangely enough, I've never been sent racist cartoons or photoshops, let alone horse porn. That shit doesn't just show up in your mailbox. And why would you forward something that you weren't endorsing? This defense wouldn't fool an eighty year old who'd never used a computer.

The Kaus Klown Kampaign Rolls On

The sum total of the pint-sized hack's campaign efforts today -- a blogpoll:

Democratic state party chair John Burton is more like:

Given that Kaus offers three choices, he must be a retroactive victim of the teachers' unions.

In playing Rasmussen, our hairless hack has inadvertently revealed the full extent of Kausmentum. His poll, which appears on his campaign website, has been open for 21 hours and only 326 people have voted. And the map indicates that only six of the last fifty poll respondents live in California -- Only one in eight-plus of Kaus's visitors could vote for him if they wanted. What percentage of that traffic comes to KausforSenate.com to laugh isn't known, but I'd put it at 100 percent, with a zero margin of error.

Update (4/12): After the two day mark, Kaus only has 1,854 respondents, and only 5 of the last 50 were from the Golden State. Kaus has been averaging about 100 California voters a day, or at least 100 per day who can muster enough Dem hatred to vote in his poll. All the links to Michael Barone in the world can't revive the Kaus Kampaign.

He Hit Me, And It Felt Like The Eucharist

Moldo:

When I was in Saudi Arabia, I had tea and sweets with a group of educated and sophisticated young professional women.

I asked why they were not more upset about living in a country where women’s rights were strangled, an inbred and autocratic state more like an archaic men’s club than a modern nation. They told me, somewhat defensively, that the kingdom was moving at its own pace, glacial as that seemed to outsiders.

Does anyone believe that Moldo asked a question in words even remotely approximating those used in her column? I don't.

But as Moldo contemplated that imaginary exchange, she had an imaginary Saul on the road to Damascus moment:

How could such spirited women, smart and successful on every other level, acquiesce in their own subordination?

I was puzzling over that one when it hit me: As a Catholic woman, I was doing the same thing.

Really, Moldo? It just now "hit you" now that the Catholic Church treats women as a subordinate class? Have you been in a coma for the last 60 years?

Moldo posits that the Church's sex abuses scandals wouldn't have happened if the patriarchal Church was a bit more "maternal." Of course, Moldo constantly engages in Daddy worship of the Bushes and Cheney, and bashes Obama for being a feminized puss. She enjoys the Church's art and achitecture and designer costumes and adores the perks of her membership in the Catholic Beltway elite. So she'll continue to occupy her privileged pew and occassionally pen a self-serving column scolding the Church she loves so much. And the next time she runs out of Democrats to demean, she'll become a faux feminist again.

Don't get me wrong. Moldo is free to believe any stupid thing she wants. She's free to toss pebbles from her luxury box inside St. Peter's and sob that her high church lifestyle is being ruined by creepy priests. But her column leaves the impression that she, like the Church, thinks the molestation scandal is all about her, and not about the Church's victims.

I've Got Nothing to Do and All Day to Do It

Midget Mickey Kaus is managing approximately one post every other day between his two shitty websites. Most could have been written in under 10 minutes, while Breitbart was smothering Kaus with a pillow.

Kaus' newest campaign issue is himself: He's not getting to speak at the California Democratic Party Convention. Kaus suspects that the "machine" fears his oral abilities. Sane people suspect that Kaus doesn't have any platform or policies to run on. Perhaps the Golden State's electorate is looking for a bold leader who will link to an anti-union article every odd-numbered day. A solon who will beg for campaign contributions before offering solutions. A statesman who will do nothing for weeks except issue a press release about about how mean his party is.

Kaus doesn't deserve a place at the convention because he has nothing to offer. We know you can bitch about the unions, Pee Wee, but why can't you explain what should be done with them? If you can be bothered to offer solutions on your own website, why should the Party assume you would be able to articulate them at a convention?

Senator Boxer can manage to spell out what she stands for on a whole range of issues, including labor issues, even though she faces no competition in the primary. Sure she has financial support beyond the rolls of adult video store tokens Kaus's wingnut pals are sending in, but Kaus pretends to be a professional journalist/blogger. Surely he could manage to pinch out a single page of policy positions and "common sense" ideas -- if he had any. (Maybe Ruth Shalit could plagiarize such a page for him from a Tea Party website.) Right now, Kaus' sole articulated message is that Democrats suck. Sure, it's the only thing he believes, but it's not much of platform.

I wouldn't put my name on this garbage either

At National Review Online, Anonymous, whose spouse traded in his pr0n for the real thing, wants us to get "serious about pornography."

Picture an addiction so lethal it has the potential to render an entire generation incapable of forming lasting marriages and so widespread that it produces more annual revenue — $97 billion worldwide in 2006 — than all of the leading technology companies combined.

Eh, H-P's revenues were $117 billion in 2007, so I think it's safe to say that "all the leading technology companies" had in excess of $97 billion in revenues in 2006. By a wide spread.

Joe Klein -- I mean, Anonymous -- also cites such unimpeachable experts as "an online statistics firm" and the Withers-Poon Institute. If you want to get serious about pornography, Anon., you should stop pulling statistics out of orifices featured in pornography.

Teabaggers In Paradise

Some actual reporting from yr. obedient blogger:

Was out today and saw about fifty teabaggers (probably an overestimate) standing on the sidewalk(s) on three sides of an intersection near two large shopping malls. They held American flags and signs saying "Obama Don't Care," "Repeal Congress," "[something about] Amnesty." One sign advertising a "Tax Day Tea Party Patriots Rally." Mostly older, all white, couple of aged hippie types. Didn't seem all that excited. I guess they were conserving their energy for the 15th. Didn't see any racist signs or weapons. No counterprotestors. Drivers mostly ignored them, from what I could see.

Journalism is hard.

Charlie Rose and the iPad

Worst Roald Dahl book ever.

Just shoot me Charlie Rose now.

(If last night's show wasn't a rerun and was actually the second show on this device w/in the past two months, shoot me too.)

If He Nominates Himself, He Will Not Run

Slaphead Mickey Kaus has taken some campaign advice from Fred Thompson. And rejected it on the ground that it involved too much effort. Cuts into his naptime, perhaps.

At his campaign website, Kaus is posting approximately once every three days.

Apart from that, he's apparently been proofreading his bio on his website:

In the mid-80's, Mickey bagan to champion welfare reform--i.e., replacing a cash dole with work.

I think he means "teabagan."

He appeared on wingnut radio as "Mickey Kuas."

He gave a speech at an event sponsored by the Alice B. Toklas LGBT Democratic Club, although neither he or the the Club apparently made any effort to publicize the event. No YouTube, Kraus?

He even got the URL for his campaign website from Roger Ailes (see here) -- never a good sign.

Volunteer now, so the candidate doesn't have to.

Mickey Kaus has some admirable qualities. I bet he really is a Democrat.

In a bid to increase revenue for the G.O.P. -- so he can spend the funds on himself -- the R.N.C. chairman has renamed the Party's website Michael Steele's Lesbian Spank Inferno. (Warning: Link not safe for the country.)

Instacracker's Army: The Mugshots

Six Degrees of Misappropriation

According to Kathryn Jean Lopez, there are degrees of misappropriation, the most inappropriate kind being misappropriation to watch strippers.

RNC’s Steele [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

The Feed notes a story today about a shocking possible misappropriation of funds by the chairman of the RNC — including misappropriation of the most inappropriate kind.

I asked an RNC spokesman about the story — specifically the charge that money was spent at Voyeur West Hollywood.

Misappropriation to buy copies of Sarah Palin's book or indulgences from the Pope or Ring-Dings would be inappropriate, but not as inappropriate as blowing the money on lapdances. K-Lo should just be grateful that Steele didn't use RNC funds to pay for his abortions.

-0-O-0-

Bonus K-Lo Komedy: "I'd argue the Church understands the beauty and power of the feminine more than most, these days." You've confused feminine and prepubescent again, Kathryn. And: "There are decades' worth of [pedophile priest] stories that can and will be drudged up, and they should be." I didn't know Matt was a Catholic.

Naturally, K-Lo's biggest concern about misuse of power in the Church is nuns supporting ObamaCare. How many divisions do those nuns have?

Instacracker's Army, Part II

Here's the government's allegations regarding the plot by Instacracker's Heroes:

The five count indictment, which was unsealed today, charges that between August 2008 and the present, the defendants, David Brian Stone, 45, his wife, Tina Stone, 44, his son, Joshua Matthew Stone, 21, of Clayton, Michigan, and his other son, David Brian Stone, Jr., 19, of Adrian, Michigan, Joshua Clough, 28, of Blissfield, Michigan, Michael Meeks, 40 of Manchester, Michigan, Thomas Piatek, 46, of Whiting, Indiana, Kristopher Sickles, 27, of Sandusky, Ohio, and Jacob Ward, 33, of Huron, Ohio, acting as a Lenawee County Michigan militia group called the Hutaree, conspired to oppose by force the authority of the U.S. government. According to the indictment, Hutaree members view local, state, and federal law enforcement as the "brotherhood", their enemy, and have been preparing to engage them in armed conflict.

The indictment further alleges that the Hutaree planned to kill an unidentified member of local law enforcement and then attack the law enforcement officers who gather in Michigan for the funeral. According to the plan, the Hutaree would attack law enforcement vehicles during the funeral procession with Improvised Explosive Devices with Explosively Formed Projectiles, which, according to the indictment, constitute
weapons of mass destruction. Subsequently, and in furtherance of this plan, David Brian Stone, the Hutaree's leader, obtained information about such devices over the internet and emailed diagrams of such devices to a person he believed capable of manufacturing the devices. He then had his son, Joshua Matthew Stone, and others gather materials necessary for the manufacturing of such devices.

According to the indictment, in June 2009, David Brian Stone and his other son, David Brian Stone, Jr., taught other Hutaree members how to make and use explosive devices intending or knowing that the information would be used to further a crime of violence. In addition, the grand jury charged all nine defendants with carrying or possessing a firearm during a crime of violence on at least one occasion.

U.S. Attorney McQuade said, "Because the Hutaree had planned a covert reconnaissance operation for April which had the potential of placing an unsuspecting member of the public at risk, the safety of the public and of the law enforcement community demanded intervention at this time."

So the timing was convenient, but not in the way that Glenn Reynolds meant. The federal authorities took action to prevent the assassination of a law enforcement official and countless other victims. (We should be grateful that we now have an Administration that can find weapons of mass destruction.)

Reynolds is so full of hatred for Obama that he immediately, and without any consideration of the facts, assumed that the Administration was plotting against its own citizens for improper ends.

Don't expect the 'Cracker to revoke his sneering smear. It won't happen.

Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We?

This William Donahue piece hasn't got much attention.

Donahue's premise is that forty years ago, no one called the cops when their employees got caught molesting kids, so why single out the Catholic Church? (Donahue's answer to the question, by the way, is that the New York Times is a bunch of Jew-loving bigots.) That's a clever way to change the subject, but it doesn't really address the issue.

The Catholic Church didn't just fail to notify authorities, they retained known molestors and moved them to other positions of authority over other children. They failed to protect the children in their care, and facilitated further molestation. Providing rapists with new victims is a lot different than not calling the cops.

More fundamentally, the defense is based on the premise that the Church shouldn't be held to a higher standard of morality, compassion or compentence than a private day care center or local school district. So then what's the point of being a member of the Church? If the Church isn't any better than anyone else at recognizing right from wrong, protecting the helpless from predators or doing the right thing, does it serve any purpose whatsoever?

Donahue says, "Rarely have employers called the cops, and none was required to do so." Really, Bill? That's the standard you advocate? "Had the Catholic Church simply tossed the offenders out, it would have been branded as heartless." Are you shitting me? I don't remember the Sixties, or much of the Seventies, but I am fairly confident that retaining rapists wasn't a fan favorite back then.

Of course, Donahue's premise is false. The Church's entire reason for being was/is to assert that non-marital sex is wrong, that dishonesty and deception are wrong, and that whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believed in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. In practice, the Church said that those rules don't apply -- to it.

The best face that could be put on it is that the Church was protecting itself against its own members, those who stupidly placed their trust in the Church for spiritual guidance. But that doesn't explain why the Church protected their rapists -- terminated pedophiles wouldn't have called attention to the reason they were terminated, since sexual molestation of children was a crime then just as it is a crime now. Both those in control of the Church and the pedophiles shared (and probably still share) the thought that anything they did was not wrong. How else could the Church assert that birth control and premarital intercourse and homosexuality were evil incarnate while condoning and facilitating rape within their ranks?

Donahue has laid out a compelling case why the Catholic Church serves no useful purpose and has no reason to exist. Let's hope more people see the light.

Instacracker's Army

Now is not the right time to arrest religious terrorists, according to Glenn Reynolds. The latest reports on Glenn Reynolds' terriorist pals are coming in:

The FBI arrested a person early Sunday morning in Clarendon Hills in relation to a raid the previous evening at a northwest Indiana home, a spokesman for the agency said.

The arrest coincided with a series of FBI raids and arrests over the weekend across Michigan, Ohio and Indiana. The law enforcement action may be tied to an investigation of a Christian militia group in Michigan that sees itself as "actively gearing up and training to fight along the side of Jesus Christ against the forces of Satan," according to a spokesman for another milita group in the state who said he is familiar with the raids.

More here:

The FBI raided a home in the 1900 block of Calumet Avenue in Whiting, Ind. Saturday evening looking for the same person, but it was not until early Sunday that the arrest was made, according to the FBI.

...

An FBI agent said the home's resident -- a caucasian man who lived there with his brother -- was suspected of making bombs, according to the employee. He said he saw FBI agents took several boxes out of the home, and take away at least two dogs.

The dogs "had been trained to do bodily harm," said the employee.

Reynolds is now on record as siding with bomb-making religious fanatics. It's good to know which side he's on.

Instacracker is going Full Yellow Pajamas. The man should be in a straightjacket:

"THE TIMING APPEARS CONVENIENT: FBI stages domestic raids."

Domestic raids? Where else would the FBI be conducting raids?

And why does Glenn Reynolds support terrorists?

No link to the 'Cracker. 'Cracker's link is to another bedwetting wingnut site.

Update: Here's a little bit about the 'Cracker's pals:

WXYZ-TV reports that helicopters were spotted in the sky for much of Saturday night, and agents set up checkpoints throughout the area. Witnesses told the station that it was like a small army had descended on the area. The Department of Homeland Security and the Joint Terrorism Task Force are also involved in the raids.

Mike Lackomar, of Michiganmilitia.com, said both The Southeast Michigan Volunteer Militia and the Michiganmilitia.com are not involved in the investigation and have not been contacted by federal authorities.

Lackomar said he heard from other militia members that the FBI targeted the Hutaree after its members made threats of violence against Islamic organizations.

"Last night and into today the FBI conducted a raid against homes belonging to the Hutaree. They are a religious cult. They are not part of our militia community," he said.

These folks are such scumbags that the Michigan Militia refuses to associate with them. But they're victims in Instacrackerland.

Kudos to the Obama Administration for taking terrorism seriously.

Tea Party Eggspress

When he worked for Drudge, he called it foreplay. Must be menopause.