Friday, October 12, 2007

But Hitler Started It!

You've probably seen that the Doughy Pantload's publisher has pushed back the release date of the 'Load's masterpiece, Dearest Adolf: A Love Story. It now comes out on Elvis Presley's birthdate, (and will probably die on the toilet much soon than did the King).

Of more interest is the new publisher's description of the Pantload's tome:

Contrary to what most people think, the Nazis were ardent socialists (hence the term "National socialism"). They believed in free health care and guaranteed jobs. They confiscated inherited wealth and spent vast sums on public education. They purged the church from public policy, promoted a new form of pagan spirituality, and inserted the authority of the state into every nook and cranny of daily life. The Nazis declared war on smoking, supported abortion, euthanasia, and gun control. They loathed the free market, provided generous pensions for the elderly, and maintained a strict racial quota system in their universities [How Nazi is that!?! -- R.A.] — where campus speech codes were all the rage. The Nazis led the world in organic farming and alternative medicine. Hitler was a strict vegetarian, and Himmler was an animal rights activist.

The Nazis also hated homosexuals, atheists, women's equality, the right to privacy, contraception, diplomacy, immigrants, communism and the Soviet Union, and loved the military, nationalism, enhanced interrogation techniques, invading other countries and long walks on the beach. The Nazis conducted research into the causes of cancer, too. The party was controlled by of a bunch of white, Christian, heterosexual men. The party's American supporters hated Roosevelt, the New Deal and immigrants. And Hitler owned a dog and bored people senseless talking about it.

Wait, what were we talking about again?

We often forget, for example, that Mussolini and Hitler had many admirers in the United States.

Oh, no. I never forget a Bush.

Fascism was an international movement that appeared in different forms in different countries, depending on the vagaries of national culture and temperament. In Germany, fascism appeared as genocidal racist nationalism. In America, it took a "friendlier," more liberal form. The modern heirs of this "friendly fascist" tradition include the New York Times, the Democratic Party, the Ivy League professoriate, and the liberals of Hollywood. The quintessential Liberal Fascist isn't an SS storm trooper; it is a female grade school teacher with an education degree from Brown or Swarthmore.

Now it becomes clear. The 'Load is still licking his wounds from all the times he was shot down in his community college days, but he'll show those stuck-up bitches.

Apart from the blatant faslehoods in the publisher's synposis (undoubtedly derived from the 'Load's book), it seems the Pantload's argument boils down to "anything I don't like is fascism, and here's a reference to Hitler I found on the 'net which proves it." I'm sure the 'Load would claim his analysis is more nuanced, but his own publisher doesn't seem to agree.

Goldberg hasn't forgotten what fascism is; he never knew.

Update (10/13): As commenters have reminded me, I failed to include the abolition of labor unions, domestic spying, patriarchy and the nuclear family as Nazi "turn-ons." Thanks also to Alex of Martini Revolution, filling in at Crooks and Liars, for the link.

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