Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Celluloid Water Closet

Via Jesse Taylor, we see that conservatives are venturing from their traditional territory of unfunny cartoons and unfunny columns and shitty weblogs into a new arena: unfunny, shitty movies. Coming in Rockotober 2008: An American Carol:

In a clip we saw, [George] Washington takes Malone [a caricature of Michael Moore, portrayed by a fat guy] to St. Paul's Cathedral to lecture him on freedom of religion and "freedom of speech, which you abuse." Malone is grossed out by dust in the priest's box, so the doors open onto the smoldering ruins of the World Trade Center. "This is the dust of 3000 innocent human beings!" bellows Washington. Malone whimpers that he's just making movies. Washington won't have it. "Is that what you plan to say on Judgment Day?"

"That scene," said [Myrna "Shecky"] Sokoloff, "is hard to put in a comedy. But we had to do it."

They had to.

It's funny because Michael Moore caused 9/11.

Actually, it's funny because George Washington put in his will that his slaves would be freed when his wife died.

No, wait. It's funny because it's Weekend At Bernie's times 3,000. With a fat guy.

Most Hollywood comedies are apolitical and not particularly funny. But it's hard to believe you could make a movie this craptacular without trying to make it so terrible.

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