Saturday, September 02, 2006

Also Sock Sprezzatura

I pretend to write an e-mail:

Dear Frank:

I hope I can call you Frank, Frank. I feel like a friend because of all those e-mails you send me. Sorry I haven't had the time to respond. I'm short on cash at the moment, but thanks for asking.

I see you have an opening at TNR's "On Culture" blog with the departure of Lee Siegel under unfortunate circumstances. Frankly, Frankie, I thought you would have terminated Siegel for incompetence long ago, but then again TNR still employs Andrew Sullivan as a Senior Editor. Clearly I'm just an optimist.

But that's all in the past, and I'm here to help you. I've been looking to expand my blogging empire, but my present employment keeps getting in the way. So I'd be willing to consider a full-time paid blogging position, even at TNR. I'd pitch in elsewhere too, to justify the expense. I'm afraid I couldn't review television programs for your magazine, but isn't Stanley Kauffmann about 116 now? He's got to retire sometime.

Give it some thought.

Following is a representative sampling of my qualifications:

I have a penis, so there's plenty of opportunity for my advancement at TNR.

And I'm quite pale, so again, no problem.

I can type up and post my blog entries all by myself.

I have voted for Al Gore three times and Joe Lieberman once, and I'd vote for Gore again.

I'm not at all touchy about criticism, and I'm not intimidated by other bloggers, inanimate objects or Uma Thurman.

I'm lead to believe TNR doesn't require any sort of a drug test, at least for the back of the book, so I'm golden there.

The quality of my writing and thinking isn't really first rate, so again, no problem.

Depending on my compensation, I might subscribe to the magazine at the employee discount rate.

And I'd never use an assumed name under any circumstances.


Roger Ailes

No comments: