We Pray

that Governor Christie's victimization at the hands of disloyal underlings doesn't permanently harm his friendship with Morning Joe.

Lord, hear our prayer.

Governor Christie Responds to Controversy

The governor issued a five-sentence statement late Wednesday in response to the controversy:

"Holy underwear! Sheriff murdered! Innocent women and children blown to bits! We have to protect our phoney baloney jobs here, gentlemen! We must do something about this immediately! Immediately! Immediately! Harrumph! Harrumph! Harrumph!"

Wait. I'm told that was a rough transcript.

Try this one:

What I've seen today for the first time is unacceptable. I am outraged and deeply saddened to learn that not only was I misled by a member of my staff, but this completely inappropriate and unsanctioned conduct was made without my knowledge. One thing is clear: this type of behavior is unacceptable and I will not tolerate it because the people of New Jersey deserve better. This behavior is not representative of me or my Administration in any way, and people will be held responsible for their actions. Harrumph! Harrumph! Harrumph!"

And by "What I've seen today for the first time," Christie is referring to unfavorable press coverage.

The actions of the representatives of my Administration are not representative of my Administration, he added.

Be sure you've jotted that down correctly, media lapdogs.

Time for A Blog Name Change?

So as not to be confused with this scumbag.

Right-Wing Media Empires Run By Criminals Not Named Murdoch

The right-wing media news site Mediaite was forced to disclose Saturday that its top editor (who was working under an assumed name) was twice convicted for fraud and spent a number of years in the state pen.  The editor also stands accused of domestic abuse, and making specious criminal charges against a lover, who was acquitted of the charges. The man appears to be a mash-up of Jordan Belfort, Patrick Bateman and an idiot Steve Wozniak.

Nevertheless, he did his time, although it's not clear whether he paid restitution to his victims or feels any remorse. The only thing he's currently guilty of is managing a criminally stupid website.  But if there's more, you won't read about it on Mediaite.

Update (1/12):  Another site reports the dude liked to tell Mediaite underlings he was a doctor, and his partner was in "black ops."  More credible than anything else published on Mediaite.

Jerseystrongarm

One of Big Pussy's lieutenants is about to get whacked. The countdown until she disappears from BP's official website and BP lies that she went rogue will be measured in hours, not days.

Bridget Kelly, Governor Christie’s deputy chief of staff for legislative and intergovernmental affairs, uses her personal Gmail account to contact David Wildstein, one of two Christie appointees at the Port Authority. Her email contains one line: “Time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee.”

Wildstein replies one minute later with two words: “Got it,” according to emails obtained by The Record. 

That would be this thug: 

Bridget Anne Kelly, Deputy Chief of Staff for Legislative and Intergovernmental Affairs

Bridget Kelly currently serves as Deputy Chief of Staff for Legislative and Intergovernmental Affairs, a role she was named to by Governor Chris Christie in April 2013. Prior to assuming that role, she was Director of Intergovernmental & Legislative Affairs where she oversaw the day-to-day operations of the Christie Administration’s outreach efforts to elected officials at all levels of government, faith-based and community organizations and trade associations. Bridget joined the Christie Administration in 2010 as Director of Legislative Relations where she managed the Administration’s relationship with the 120-member Legislature and their legislative staff.

She first joined state government as a legislative aide to Assemblyman David C. Russo (R- Bergen, Essex, Passaic & Morris), eventually becoming Chief of Staff in 2002. Outside of state government, Bridget has been a member of a number of municipal boards and committees, as well as active in the local and county Republican organizations. She also has served on the Parent Faculty Board at her children’s school.

Bridget is a New Jersey native and graduated from Mount St. Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, MD with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science. She currently lives in Ramsey with her four children.

Even FOX is barely downplaying the revelations, at least until Christie grovels before my namesake, Even Bigger Pussy.

Luntz Kan't Danz

America, you have crushed the spirit of squirrel-toupeed pollster Frank Luntz:

The crisis began, he says, after last year's presidential election, when Luntz became profoundly depressed. For more than a month, he tried to stay occupied, but nothing could keep his attention. Finally, six weeks after the election, during a meeting of his consulting company in Las Vegas, he fell apart. Leaving his employees behind, he flew back to his mansion in Los Angeles, where he stayed for three weeks, barely going outside or talking to anyone.

"I just gave up," Luntz says.

Luntz has a $6 million mansion in Los Angeles, a home in Virginia, an apartment in New York City, a condo on the Las Vegas Strip, an 85-inch teevee and a collection of vintage toys, all earned by telling Republicans what they want to hear. And he hates you.

The entitlement he now hears from the focus groups he convenes amounts, in his view, to a permanent poisoning of the electorate—one that cannot be undone. "We have now created a sense of dependency and a sense of entitlement that is so great that you had, on the day that he was elected, women thinking that Obama was going to pay their mortgage payment, and that's why they voted for him," he says. "And that, to me, is the end of what made this country so great."

Mitt ... er, Frank ... hates you fucking bastards more and more each time you show up to one of his focus groups, take his 40 bucks and drink his coffee, and don't tell him what he wants to sell to his network/skybox-owning SuperFriends.

Take a victory lap, America.

Will The Editors Of The New York Post Be Fired For Their Bigotry?

Asked no Howard Kurtz ever:

Definitely @dasuhl The MSNBC/Romney story. If this had happened on Fox news the Liberals would've demanded the resignation of the journalist
— HowardKurtz (@HowardKurtz) January 5, 2014

If anyone ever thought Kurtz was anything more that a wingnut Murdoch castrati, their delusions should end right now.

More here.

Liz Cheney Pulls Out

So Dick Cheney pulled the plug on Liz.  I always thought it would be the other way around.

The Inevitable Pindick Burns

David Brooks waxes nostalgic:

On my journeys to South Philly, I set a goal: I was going to spend $20 on an ounce. But although I asked my dealer for the most expensive shit he had -- Acapulco Gold, "panama red," or whatever — I always failed.

Tar Heels All Wounds

An early contender for the 2014 Renault Award:

The university provost, James W. Dean Jr., said in an interview that there had been no way to anticipate such behavior on a large scale in an institution that relies on the professionalism and basic good will of its employees.

"Universities for a very long time have been based on trust,” Mr. Dean said. “One of the ramifications of this is that now we can no longer operate on trust.”

College athletes being given unearned grades to maintain eligibility -- how could we have known?  It's not like UNC is running a business, where things like that could be expected.

Dean Deanie may have a stroke when someone tells him about "gifts from alumni."

Inbred Peckerwood Empire

Wingnuts having to watch that pile of shit is the best revenge.

Update: Link fixt.

A Christmas Contest

Mike Allen, PoliticHo:

WE’RE GRATEFUL TO PLAYBOOKERS for being such a loyal, encouraging audience. Seven years ago, there were three of you. Now, there are 100,000 of you. Thank you for the grace for our errors, of omission or commission; for teaching us something fascinating, every single day; and for your passion for the very topics that we’ve devoted our life to illuminating. We’re always anxious to serve you better, and are grateful for your suggestions about content, tone, format – anything. We answer every personal email: mallen@politico.com.

The first Roger Ailes reader to get a personal return e-mail from mallen@politico.com will win a valuable prize, worth at least $10 USD. All other readers will receive nothing more than the joy of knowing that Mike Allen has wasted his life.  The winning entrant must provide a physical address to which the prize can be sent, or may designate a charity for receipt of the prize.  E-mail replies from Mike Allen predating this announcement and automated replies are ineligible.  Mike Allen and his immediate family, registered and unregistered lobbyists, and employees of Politico, the Chamber of Commerce, Morning Joe and the Hair Club for Men are ineligible. The winning Allen response will be published on this website, along with the recipient's e-mail if needed for context. Your e-mail address and any personal information will not be disclosed, but this website cannot indemnify you in the event of retaliation by Mike Allen.

Giáng Sinh Vui Vẻ

The 2013-2014 King William's College General Knowledge Paper

is available here.

Happy Holidays

"Let's have a great Christmas. Let's have a great year. Let's have the best year of our whole lives. We can, you know... this could be the best one ever."

Man-Child vs. Girly-Boy

I'd have to pick girly-boy by a TKO.  You don't want to get anywhere near Little Richie's pajamas after he's encrusted them with his Sarah-starbursts.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Tennessee Pride Edition

No longer is Glenn Reynolds the most vile Republican in all of Tennessee:

WASHINGTON — A federal judge ordered a program of “high-intensity” home supervision Monday for Ryan Loskarn, who was fired last week as Sen. Lamar Alexander’s chief of staff after being arrested on federal charges of possession and distribution of child pornography.  

... 

Officials believe that between November 2010 and March 2011, Loskarn made several purchases from a website offering child pornography DVDs. Loskarn was also accused of offering child pornography files for download from his home computer.

Court documents say that when law enforcement officials arrived to search his house, one official watched as Loskarn seemed to place an object outside a window. Officials later found a portable hard drive in that location, and a prosecutor said Monday that the drive contains at least 200 videos of child pornography.

The possession charge carries a maximum sentence of 10 years in prison, while the distribution charge carries a minimum of five years and a maximum of 20.

Loskarn has been held in the custody of the U.S. Marshals Service since his arrest.

Alexander, a Republican running for a third term in 2014, removed Loskarn from his Senate office payroll as soon as he learned of the investigation. Loskarn also worked for Alexander when the senator chaired the Senate Republican Conference, a post he stepped down from in 2011.

Loskarn had a track record as a highly regarded congressional aide for more than a decade. — more than once making Roll Call newspaper’s “Fabulous 50 Movers and Shakers” list. He also once worked for Rep. Marsha Blackburn, R-Tenn.

It is too much to hope that Reynolds would represent Loskarn as counsel in his criminal trial.

According to Roll Call, Loksarn was “one of the Senate GOP’s top strategists and aides.”

Fail, Fail Again

In support of the soon-to-be-pulped The Up Side of Down, the current promotional blurb from the publisher, on amazon.com:

Megan McArdle is a special correspondent for Newsweek/ The Daily Beast. A graduate of the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago, she has been a finance and economics correspondent for The Economist and a business columnist and blogger for The Atlantic. She lives with her husband, Peter, in Washington, D.C.

Special doesn't even begin to cover it.

And by the time Feb. 11, 2014 gets here, it will be Newsbusters/The Daily Caller.

The Universal Prayer

As an unethusiastic and increasingly frequent user of health care services, let me say that everyone should have access to the same health care I have received.  Except for the people I like, who should only have access to the beneficial health care that I have received.

Know Your Conservative Heroes

The non-intern-paying New Republic has more on wingnuts who supported apartheid and attacked Nelson Mandela:

Reagan called the ANC “notorious terrorists,” and, as late as 1988, called apartheid "a tribal policy more than ... a racial policy."

It wasn’t just Reagan. Moral Majority leader Jerry Fallwell called [Desmond] Tutu a “phony” who didn’t speak for South Africans blacks. He even urged Americans to support the Pretoria government. North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms filibustered the sanctions bill. Strom Thurmond and Phil Gramm likewise opposed it. And future vice-president Dick Cheney called Mandela a terrorist, saying in 2000 that he didn’t regret his position. Pat Buchanan called Mandela a “train-bomber.” The Heritage Foundation said America should stop calling for Mandela’s release from prison. Pat Robertson, Grover Norquist, future Tea Party leaders, and current Republican Senators—all were on the books supporting the Apartheid government. When 35 House Republicans broke with the Reagan administration, the National Review called them “uppity,” and Human Events called them a “lynch mob.”

Of course, these attacks are only in the past because Mandela retired from public life -- and some of the wingnuts are no longer alive.

Here's a bonus wingnut hack attacking Mandela more recently.

Breaking News: Must Roger Credit!

Vice.com breaks a story about unpaid interns at liberal publications, and at The New Republic.

Roger Ailes broke the story months ago.

Whoever writes Silly Sully's shitty blog for him pretends Sully didn't know about the practice, despite the fact Sully worked for TNR.

Life and Death

Gawker has a good rundown on what the Right's greatest heroes said about Nelson Mandela in real time.  One example:

Ron Paul: James Kirchick gave a good rundown of Ron Paul's hardline racist newsletters in a 2008 New Republic article, including this tidbit regarding what the newsletters had to say about Nelson Mandela: "South Africa's transition to multiracial democracy was portrayed as a 'destruction of civilization' that was 'the most tragic [to] ever occur on that continent, at least below the Sahara'; and, in March 1994, a month before Nelson Mandela was elected president, one item warned of an impending 'South African Holocaust.'"

Of course, no one will mourn Ron Paul's death and no one will ever cite a contribution Ron Paul has made to anything anywhere.

Alms For The Poor-Mouths

In the middle of National Review's latest latest beg-a-thon -- tied to Michael Mann's suit against NR and Mark Stain -- the fine print:

Sure, we have insurance, and the insurer is paying the bills. But the insurer doesn’t pay the full fare, and I have to tell you, it is quite a fare. Quite. And now as we enter an intense phase of this case, where the legal hours will rise like the sea levels in Professor Mann’s dreams, that fare will become ... stratospheric.

I’m expecting this will cost a couple hundred grand. And maybe more. Again, this is out of pocket.

It's lovely to imagine the rubes swallowing this shite. If NR's insurance company is paying to defend NR, NR shouldn't be incurring anything, unless they're demanding something special they didn't buy insurance for.

In a previous beg-a-thon, almost one year ago, NR claimed they'd raise over $100,000 in a week. And didn't mention that the insurance company was paying. Either the wingnuts grew some brains on Day 8, or NR got its 200K long, long ago. 

C'mon, suckers, give 'til it hurts.  NR can't defend itself unless Golberg's pantry is filled with Ring-Dings and Rich Lowry's booster seat is upholstered with 24 karat gold.

Thank You

A Humble Request

Dear Readers,

I have had ongoing medical problems for some time, and have reached a point medically where doctors are recommending a treatment I hope to avoid.  I have no reason to believe my doctors are wrong in their opinions, but am looking for an alternative solution.  This requires that I locate a specialist who would be willing to pursue that solution (if such a thing exists).  I have tried, and am currently trying, to find such a person myself, including through my current doctors and HMO, via internet/library research and speaking with family and friends, so far without luck. (For my sins, I have read my Evidence of Coverage cover-to-cover.)  I will keep trying. If anyone has any suggestions about how to navigate such waters, I would be most grateful if you could contact me via e-mail (at rogerailes - at - hotmail.com) with any advice.  Please be assured I will in no way seek to impose on you further than recieving your suggestions with unqualified gratitude.

So as not to confuse, this is not a request for medical advice but for an answer to the question "how does one find someone who may not exist to discuss a medical solution which may not exist?"

To everyone, I apologize for the vague, secretive and annoying nature of this post.  I'm not dying (any more than everyone else is), or anything close to it, nor do my complaints deserve special consideration. Believe me, if I knew what else to do, this post would be a gag about Mickey Kaus or some other asshole. 

Thank you.

"Roger"

Dog Fellates Man

Breaking: Mike Allen is a slap-headed whore.

Which is why he fits right in on "Morning Joe."

I made the mistake of turning on that clusterfuck this morning.  In between the plenteous plugs for Banjo Boy's latest book, a human centipede comprised of Mike Brzezinski, Harold Ford Jnr., Donny Deutsch Jnr., Mark Halperin Jnr. and Nicole Wallace pretended that Brzezinski's high-school-aged daughter had raised a $100K for some charity, zero dollars of which derived by means other than Mika's shakedown of dolts looking for facetime on Morning Joe.  (Ford Jnr. and Deutsch Jnr. acknowledged their shakedowns on the program.)  Brzezinski's attempt to create the next Luke Russert/Peter Doocy was even more revolting that Brzezinski's standard insipidity.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Fort Myers Vice Edition

The latest Republicriminal to be arrested was caught enjoying a refreshing combination of tea and coke:

U.S. Rep. Trey Radel, the tea party freshman Republican from Fort Myers, was arrested Oct. 29 for cocaine possession in Washington D.C, Politico reported.

Radel, who faces a maximum of 180 days in jail and a fine of up to $1,000, was charged Tuesday in D.C. Superior Court with misdemeanor cocaine possession and is scheduled to appear in court on Wednesday.

A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police Department said the agency has no record of Radel's arrest; the U.S. Attorney’s office for the District of Columbia declined comment. Radel couldn't be reached.  [Try Rob Ford's place -- R.A.]

If Radel had been arrested in his home state for cocaine possession, he would have faced far more-serious consequences than in Washington. The crime is a felony in Florida, where Radel would have lost his voting and other civil rights had he been convicted in state court.

Another contrast between DC and Florida: If the congressman had been a state worker, he would face termination under Gov. Rick Scott, who wants to drug test state employees.

If the anti-choice "libertarian" falls, the FL G.O.P. has another Tea Party favorite ready to take his place in the War on Women on Drugs, time off for good behavior permitting:

A Florida judge on Tuesday set bail for George Zimmerman at $9,000 and ordered a number of conditions for his freedom -- including that he not possess weapons -- while he awaits trial on charges he pointed a shotgun at his girlfriend.

He was released from the John E. Polk Correctional Facility on Tuesday afternoon. He didn't speak with the media.

Zimmerman was arrested Monday at his girlfriend's Apopka home, four months after he was acquitted of murdering teenager Trayvon Martin.

A prosecutor revealed a new allegation against Zimmerman while trying to argue for a higher bail -- that Zimmerman tried to choke his girlfriend a week and a half before Monday's alleged shotgun incident, and that Zimmerman had talked about suicide.

Sing us out, Elvis!

R

Sead more here: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/nakedpolitics/2013/11/report-tea-party-rep-trey-radel-busted-for-personal-cocaine-possession.html#storylink=cpy

The Teabaggers' Salman Rushdie

Dylan Davies received a hand-delivered death threat, but unwisely forgot to smash the courier's face in with his rifle.

Consequently, the man of action is unavailable to substantiate his all-true tales of derring-do untl further notice.

Logan Buries The Lede The Truth

CBS' 60 Minutes tells a truth about its lies:

“We end our broadcast tonight with a correction,” Logan said this Sunday. She used Jones’s real name, Dylan Davies. when an incident report surfaced. It told a different story about what he did the night of the attack.” Davies, she said, “insisted the story he told us was not only accurate, it was the same story he told the F.B.I. when they interviewed him.” When “60 Minutes” learned on Thursday that, in fact, the F.B.I. report “was different from what he told us, we realized we had been misled, and it was a mistake to include him in our report. For that we are very sorry. The most important thing to every person at ‘60 Minutes’ is the truth. And the truth is, we made a mistake.”

This is, in many ways, an odd statement and an understatement. To say that the incident report “surfaced” and told “a different story” isn’t quite adequate: Karen DeYoung, of the Washington Post, obtained it, and it was apparently already among the papers turned over to Congress. The discrepancies extended to Davies’s location that night: he was not in the compound at all but, rather, in his “beach side villa.” (“We could not get anywhere near,” the report read.)

"After the broadcast, she said, 'questions arose about whether his account was true....'"

Exactly so. 

So eager was CBS to spread Davies' conservative bullshit that it performed no investigation into whether that account was true. CBS and Logan never raised any questions before broadcasting Davies' fairy tale.

And who exactly would raise questions about Davies' account on 60 Minutes BEFORE HE APPEARED ON THE FUCKING PROGRAM AND GAVE THAT FUCKING ACCOUNT? People who had never seen that account because they didn't have access to the interview foorage, or the bullshit book CBS was publishing?  If you're going to broadcast bullshit, saying that no one called you on your bullshit before you broadcast it is neither a defense nor an apology.  It's an admission of gross incompetence.

60 Minutes preferred to turn a doughy-looking mope into an action hero just to keep the Benghazi lies alive. Until they clean house, 60 Minutes is no more credible that NewsBusters or Breitbart News.

When Is A Jury Trial Not A Jury Trial?

Dan Abrams' right-wing media website Mediaite (aka NewsBusters for Profound Dummies), declares that a jury acquitted Sam Donaldson of a DUI charge via verdict:

Verdict Reached in ABC Reporter Sam Donaldson’s DUI Trial

A jury on Friday acquitted veteran ABC anchorSam Donaldson of DUI charges filed against him late last year.

The Delaware trial reportedly lasted five hours and, following his acquittal, the veteran reporter strode over to the officer who’d arrested him and told her: “You did your duty as you saw fit. I bear no animus toward you whatsoever.

Not really.

GEORGETOWN — A Sussex County judge dismissed charges against former ABC political correspondent Sam Donaldson, who last year was arrested in Lewes and charged with driving drunk.

Judge Rosemary Beauregard said the arresting officer’s report was incomplete and a failed sobriety test was improperly administered.

Donaldson appeared Nov. 8 in a nearly empty Sussex County courtroom. The state would call only one witness – arresting officer Katie Couchman of Lewes Police Department. Couchman testified she stopped Donaldson about 8 p.m., Dec. 1, 2012, because he was driving on the shoulder of the road, to the right of the westbound lane.

You'd think that Dan Abrams would employ people who could rewrite articles accurately, if not actually understand and/or distinguish between complex legal concepts like "judge" and "jury."

Confidential to A Head Case

These people, assuming they exist:

Like Bridget Jones’s “smug marrieds,” the “smug insureds” — friends who were covered through their own or spouses’ employers or who were grandfathered into their plans — asked why I didn’t “just” switch all of our long-term doctors, suck it up and pay an extra $200 a month for a restrictive network on the exchange, or marry the guy I’m dating. How romantic: “I didn’t marry you just to save money, honey. I married you for your provider network.”

Were just rubbing your nose in this:

At their core, they pose one of the most complicated, painful, and pervasive dilemmas many single women are forced to grapple with nowadays: Is it better to be alone, or to settle?

My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It’s hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who’s changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)

See. They're only concerned about your happiness.

(Apparently "contributing editor at The Atlantic" doesn't come with health benefits.)

Happy 10th Anniversary

Happy 10th Anniversary to Echidne of the Snakes!

Tin, aluminium or bitcoins make appropriate gifts.

Logan's Rum

Another Teabag fairy tale exploded:

The correspondent for the disputed “60 Minutes'’ segment about the attack on the United States Special Mission in Benghazi, Libya, last year apologized on the air Friday morning, saying it was a “mistake'’ to put on a security officer whose credibility has since been undermined by his diverging accounts of his actions that night.

The reporter, Lara Logan, said on “CBS This Morning'’ that the news division was misled by the officer, adding, “We will apologize to our viewers, and we will correct the record on our broadcast on Sunday night.”

The apology followed disclosure by The New York Times on Thursday evening that the security contractor, Dylan Davies, had provided the F.B.I. an account that contradicted a version of events he provided in a recently published book and in the interview with “60 Minutes,” which was broadcast on Oct. 27.

Mr. Davies told the F.B.I. that he was not on the scene until the morning after the attack.

For those unfamiliar with Davies, this sums him up pretty well: "Davies['] motivation to lie presumably has something to do with the fact that he is coming out with a book about alleged warnings that he gave the U.S. government about security flaws before the attack."

Let's go behind of the scenes with the crack investigative news team at 60 Minutes, which is not at all similar to the late Mike Levey's "Amazing Discoveries" (since Mike's financial conflict of interest was blatantly obvious, rather than concealed)": 

“He denied that [incident] report [to his employer],” Ms. Logan said, “and he said that he told the F.B.I. the same story that he had told us. But what we now know is that he told the F.B.I a different story to what he told us. And, you know, that was the moment for us when we realized that we no longer had confidence in our source. And that we were wrong to put him on air.”

That magic moment!

You can't put anything past Logan, if someone else does her job for her after the fact.  What we now know is that the CBS News division is infested with right-wing hacks.

Will Logan be axed?  I Rather doubt it.

But if she is, Breitbart News is hiring. 

Like Father, Like Scum

The Paul family has an interesting relationship with the hired help.

1.  Ron Paul hires racists to ghostwrite the racist "Ron Paul Newsletter," then claims ignorance of the newsletter's content and asserts he's not responsible for the work of his ghostwriters.  Of course, Paul keeps the money from the sale of his racist newsletters.

2. Rand Paul hires the racist "Southern Avenger" to ghostwrite his book, The Tea Party Goes to Washington and work on his Senate staff, then allows the racist ghostwriter to resign when his past is revealed.  Of course, Paul keeps the money from his book sales.

3.  Rand Paul has his Senate staff ghostwrite his second book, speeches and Moonie Times column using plagiarized material.  When he's caught, Paul plays the victim but refuses to fire the responsible staffers, presumably because they would reveal the extent of Paul's personal involvement in the theft of intellectual property.  Of course, Paul keeps the money from his book sales, speeches and column.  

I'm sensing a trend.

Trotter Ends His Run

Being remembered for this must be something of a mixed legacy:

Dishes from the final week of menus included poached white asparagus with charred broccolini, manchego cheese and red pepper essence and root beer leaf ice cream with vanilla cremeaux and birch syrup-infused meringue.

Better than being remembered for this, I guess:

In August, almost a year to the day after the restaurant closed, [Charles] Trotter kicked out high school students who had been invited to showcase their artwork from an after-school program in the former restaurant. One student said Trotter "went ballistic" when their instructor declined the chef’s request that they sweep floors and clean toilets.

The Hayes Code

Charlotte Hayes, last seen being struck by a sedan in Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita, wishes to deliver a spanking to Rush Limbaugh, Chris Christie, Bill Bennett and Ted Cruz:

Obesity, the product of a lack of discipline, sloppy dressing, loud and intimate cellphone chats broadcast to a captive audience and foul language nonchalantly uttered in the ATM line are all forms of this “self-expression” [i.e., "White Trash"ism].

What really cheeses Char off is that it's white people who are letting it all hang out. She only attacks pale peckerwoods, aka, "White Trash," and not their darker cousins. She believes either that non-whites are beyond reproach, beyond salvation, or not an appropriate subject for discussion in polite society. What gives the game away is that she truly believes there was a time when whites weren't trash.

Students of Arnold Toynbee, the English historian, will recognize what is going on here. In a chapter of his “A Study of History” entitled “Schism in the Soul,” Toynbee argued that it is a sign that a society is disintegrating when it takes its cues for manners and customs from the underclass. He describes such societies as being “truant” to their own values.

Toynbee is the guide to what we see all around us today.

And students of veterinary science will recognize horseshit when they read it.

Last year, “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” which features a cornucopia of social ills, was TLC’s highest-rated show, attracting more cable viewers than the Republican National Convention, which had the misfortune to share the time slot with the charmers from Georgia. The show’s matriarch, June Shannon, has four daughters by four men, one of whose names she can’t recall.

TLC's ratings were 47 percent higher, if I'm not mistaken.

In addition to loud-bodied fatties and public-space vulgarians, Hayes lays into stamped tramps, including one presumably easily-identifable slapper who showed up for Heritage Foundation cocktails sporting Chi Omega ink.  

My young friend wore a “bespoke” tattoo, which means it was designed in consultation with an “artist.” In my mind, it bespoke volumes.

800 words in the N.Y. Post just to shame one hep-C deserving slut. Now that's uberclassy!

Has A Man Ever Delivered A Baby?

Top three (polite) responses, survey says:

Yes.  I was delivered by a man, or so I'm told.

Has a baby ever been conceived without a man?

Has a woman ever contracted testicular cancer? 

Corrections and Amplifications

From the Wall Street Journal, 10/29/13:

An earlier version of this post stated that Mr. Furley's wife had a taxpayer-funded abortion.  Mr. Furley was unmarried. Further, the Wall Street Journal has not been able to confirm independently the claim that Larry Dallas obtained roofies through Medicare Part D.  We regret being caught.

Roger's FAQ

Does the Affordable Care Act cover the Thighmaster?

Apparently not.

Your Articles of Incorporation Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore

Here's one part of Obamacare that's working perfectly.

Suck on it, libertarian fundies.

(Via LG&M.)

Governor P90XXXL

Chris C. meets Shaun T.:

Among [Governor] Christie’s efforts, Kulkarni certifies, is a healthy diet and regular exercise, doing aerobic and resistance-training exercise four days a week for an hour at a time.

After the February lap band surgery, Christie “has been losing weight steadily,” according to Kulkarni.

Christie/Ryan '16, the Insanity ticket. Lose the weight, keep the hate.

Correction:  I am reliably informed that it is Shaun T., not Shawn T.  It still rhymes with auntie.  I regret the error.

Update:  There does appear to be a dispute about Mr. T.'s height.  Per Google:

Shaun T

Shaun Thompson, better known as Shaun T, is an American fitness trainer and choreographer best known for his Insanity and Hip-Hop Abs home fitness programs for adults and children. He measures 6 feet 1 inch tall and weighs 175 pounds.

Wikipedia

Born: May 2, 1978 (age 35),

Deptford Township, NJ

Height: 5' 11" (1.80 m)

Education: Rowan University

Roger's Plug and Play

When you do your Christmas shopping for dear ol' Rog, be sure not to get me Critical Mass by James Wolcott (491 pages. Doubleday).  It will already be in my hot little hands and undergoing its third reading by Black Friday. 

I've also asked the local libraries to order copies, so I can read them and keep my personal copy of the tome in anal-retentive pristine condition.

Be sure to ask your local bookseller for "Wolcott's Critical Mass," lest she try to palm off the latest Sara Paretsky novel or a bicycle ride around San Francisco instead of the real goods.

Comfort Food For The Smug

At least it's not Jonah Goldberg's Boston baked beans.

Taft Punk

Every blogger and her sister has had fun at the expense of Peggy Nooners and her exclusive interview with Bob Taft's Wikipedia page.  I cannot improve on that ridicule, but I have discovered several transcription errors in Noonan's recapitulation of their Socratic exchange.  

Herewith, the record straight:  

Senator?

Oh, Christ. Not this loon. 

Go away, I'm dead. I have no powers of thought or speech.

Why did they call you "Mr. Republican"?

I was a powerful Republican Senator. You may have read about that on my Wikipedia page.

What is the purpose of a party?

To amass and wield political power. A political party is not a fucking car.

He feels more sympathy toward the tea party than the establishment. 

That's not a question. What kind of interview is this?

The establishment?

That's not even a complete sentence. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Of course I side with the establishment. My father was the fucking President. I was in politics my whole adult life. I supported big business over labor, and government activism in support of big business. I wasn't some Bible-humping halfwit like Sarah Palin or Rand Paul. I wouldn't let a bunch of amateurs and cranks tell me how to run the G.O.P.  And I wouldn't stoop to piss on Andrew Breitbart.

What should the establishment do?

You're not listening, Nooners. You're going to write some idiotic article where you claim to speak for me and characterize me as a Tea Partier, aren't you? You need to be institutionalized. 

How will a big merge happen?

I thought you had a kid years ago. I'm not a gynecologist, for Christ's sake.

See you in Hell.

You'll Never Write Anything Better Than Lanark

Happy 10th anniversary to The 100 Greatest Novels of All Time.

Don't even think about writing one of the 100 greatest novels of all time; they've already been written.

The RepubliKlan Party WIll Rise Again

Ted Cruz and Sharia Palin have joined Krazy Kounsellor Klayman and Confederate flag waving wingnuts outside the White House outside the White House to show "Respect for Our Vets."

I would do so, but geography prevents me from pissing on a Confederate's grave at present.

Update:  Who knew that a couple hundred racists and three carnival freaks = a Million Veterans?  I blame the New Math.

Hot Cross Buns

Best cross ever, from today's New York Times crossword:

2 Down:  Like a control freak (4 letters)

15 Across:  Trailing (9 letters)

Update (10/19) :   Answers:

         A
        INTHEREAR
         A
         L

Update (10/25):  This was the highlight of my month --  Will Shortz on buttseks in The Grey Lady.  I guess it's just me.

Of Being Sick and Tired

Spent the last week away from the computer on doctors' advice.  But I'm back on my feet, for the time being at least.

If I disappear again, send Ted Cruz's search party.

Ask Questions Later

This is a question that I haven't seen a good answer to:  Why was the woman who allegedly tried to illegally pass a security checkpoint near the White House shot and killed?

I'm not saying the shooting was wrong; I'm saying I haven't seen the justification for it.  She injured people and endangered people when she fled the scene, no question. It would seem that shooting at the driver of a speeding vehicle, one which has an infant inside, also risks endangering people. The question should be: were the lives of police officers who shot her or anyone else's life immediately in danger, such that the shooting was the best (if not only) way to prevent further loss of life or injury to innocent bystanders.

If the following account is correct, it appears the threat had been eliminated before the woman was shot:

Several minutes later, officers appeared to have the woman cornered in front of the western side of the Capitol facing the National Mall. But as officers, with their weapons drawn, approached Ms. Carey’s car, she rammed it into reverse.

Officers tried to dodge out of the way, but the Infiniti struck a police car and raced up Constitution Avenue, where it crashed into a barrier.

What occurred next was not clear. Ms. Carey managed to get out of the car, and was shot by several officers. According to a law enforcement official, she was not armed, and it was not known whether she presented an immediate danger.

Was not known to whom, at what time?  By the official when he was asked by the reporter, or by the officers who shot her right before they shot her?

I can see where it might be reasonable to assume that the woman had violent intentions even after she left her disabled vehicle.  But was there a reasonable concern that she had the ability to commit violence once she outside her car?

Dropped By A Deuce

The star of "The Hot Chick" didn't leave the Democratic Party, the Democratic Party left the star of "The Hot Chick."  Rob Schnider, the actor known for making "makin' copies" the catch phrase of the 1990s is no longer a Democrat, because Adam Sandler prefers working on the East Coast big government has ruined his movie career:

“The last time I made a movie in California was seven years ago,” he said. “And that’s because we’re not being competitive. I own a vitamin company with my friend and we moved out of state because of overregulation. It isn’t helping businesses.”

The Democratic Party's also the reason Rob's castmates Phil Hartman and Chris Farley haven't made a movie in seven years, amirite?  At least Victoria Jackson's still got a film career.

Rob fails to mention where his failed sitcom, his work on "Betty White's Off their Rockers" and his cartoon voiceover work were venued.  I'm guessing Alabama.

But Schneider isn't a social conservative yet.  Like Sarah Palin, he still loves the dick jokes:

I went to my doctor and told him "my penis is burning." He said, "That means somebody is talking about it."

Bill O'Reilly on line one, Robmeister.  Strike while the iron is hot!

Breaking 'Bag

They did it for them. They liked it. It made them feel alive.

A Housekeeping Note of Staggering Genius

Those seeking to enter into correspondence with Roger Ailes the blog may reach this blog via e-mail at rogerailes @ hotmail.com or rogerailes @ outlook.com.

The fastmail.fm account for this blog is no longer active.

That is all.

Allan West, Crucified on the Cross of Political Correctness

Allen West is the latest victim of the P.C. Police and identity politics:

Two sources familiar with what happened told BuzzFeed that West had gotten into an argument with a female employee and called her a "Jewish American princess" while telling her to "shut up." Reached by phone, West told BuzzFeed he was leaving his job voluntarily, though one source familiar with the situation told BuzzFeed he had been fired..."No I didn’t get fired," West said. "I’m leaving to pursue political aspirations. That’s it. There’ll be a statement that comes out and it’s effective in October." Asked specifically whether he referred to the employee as a "Jewish American princess," West said simply, "There was an exchange, that’s all."

I'm not understanding why this didn't go over well at Depends Media.

Surely other vocal opponents of political correctness will denounce the enemies of free speech who have silenced a great man.  I fully expect Glenn Reynolds to resign out of principle in response to Aubrey Chernick's attack on a black man, and for FOX News to double the brother's salary now that's he's out of his other job due to ethnic sensitivity run amok.  This can only be made right by Depends' immediate reinstatement of West, and the termination of the woman who -- like so many others -- has slandered Col. West.

And, if not, Al's just wrapped up his victory in that Florida Senate race. 

Why Can't Billy Count?

Billy Jacobsen, the third worst blogging law professor in the U.S., displays his mad McArdle skillz in defense of his dinosaur pals.

He's unhappy with the Gallup headine "Tea Party Support Dwindles to Near Record Low," so he reimagines the hed as "Opposition to Tea Party drops to near record low."  Gallup is trying to trick you sheeple, by the use of graphs which illustrate its point.

Gallup plots Tea Party support at its highest in 2010, at 32 percent, and at its lowest in 2011, at 21. Current support is 22 percent, a number immediately adjacent to the record low of 21.

Gallup plots Tea Party opposition at its highest in 2012, at 29 percent, and at its lowest in 2011, at 21.  Current opposition is at 27, two percentage points from its high and six percentage points from its record low.  Closer to higher than lower, and five more percentage points above its record low than TP support is.  In no conceivable interpretation of the English language is Tea Party opposition near a record low. It's near its record high.

Billy's beef is that Tea Party support was actually lower in 2012 (21 percent) and then rose before falling again. Says he: "Tea Party support is significantly lower than three years ago, but about where it was two years ago. So the drop took place two years ago, not recently as the Gallup headline (picked up in the mainstream media) would have you believe."

But Tea Party support climbed to 26 percent in early 2012, and has dropped since then to 22. Thus, as Gallup correctly asserts, Tea Party support has dwindled from the last measurements, and it is now at a near-record low. The hed says nothing temporal, except the implied statement that Tea Party support was even lower in the past (when it was at the record low).  There's nothing inaccurate, or misleading, about the Gallup hed.

Even PolitiFact wouldn't try to get away with Billy's bullshit.

Billy Jake also posits that if you eat dinner with four other people representing the American electorate, one diner would be a Tea Party supporter.  He'll be the one playing with his food.

It's Always Sunny in Galt's Gulch

Libertarian Fonzie is at it again, leading the advance team for our newest Objectivist Messiah. This time, it's Rafael Cruz as "The Beaver":

Six years ago, it was Ron Paul who would lead us to the Promised Land if we clapped until we were clapped out:

When a fierce Republican foe of the wars on drugs and terrorism is able, without really trying, to pull in a record haul of campaign cash on a day dedicated to an attempted regicide, it's clear that a new and potentially transformative force is growing in American politics.

Well, Ron didn't make it to the mountain top, but Randy surely will:

In such a compromised moral and political universe, characters such as Rand Paul and Justin Amash are not just rare but necessary. We need more of them. Their willingness to articulate governing principles and then legislate accordingly is the reason they are leading an ideological insurgency in the Republican Party and stoking what outlets from The Atlantic to NPR to the Post are recognizing as a “libertarian moment.”

(A libertarian moment is when the Invisible Hand forgets your grandchildren's names.)

And if not Randy, surely Rafael:

There’s every reason to believe that the future belongs to the wacko birds and their general, transpartisan message that government is too big and too powerful. The trend throughout the 21st century, reports Gallup, is increasing skepticism toward Washington, D.C. The trend is particularly pronounced among all-important independent voters, who make up a plurality of the electorate. In 2003, 45 percent of them thought the government was too powerful. Now it’s 65 percent. They will vote for candidates—and a party—pushing limiting government.

There's got to be a pony in here somewhere! as Libertarian Moses once said.

Nick Gillespie is head crossing guard at the Great Man School of Libertarian History. One of these days, he keeps insisting, a visionary man -- it's always a man -- on the public payroll will inspire the yokels to cast of their chains and renounce the minimum wage. It's practically here. Why can't you see it?

P.S. Being a libertarian and a writer for The Daily Beast means never having to check facts. In his Cruz piece, Libertarian Fonzie demonstrates the same devotion to factual accuracy that led him and Matt Welch to falsely accuse "Janet Reno's FBI" of gunning down people at Waco:

It was like an old Chip and Dale routine from Looney Tunes, where the two excruciating chipmunks couldn’t stop complimenting each other.

That's all, folks.

(Cruz link via Roy E.)

...It's Blowing Those You Know

The New Republic has shocking news:

The list of interns who toiled in the executive mansion during the summer of 2013 included the offspring of Ron Klain, the former Joe Biden former chief of staff; Steve Rattner, the financier and onetime car czar; Don Baer, the communications powerhouse and former Clinton administration speechwriter; and Margaret Hamburg, the Food and Drug Administration commissioner. There’s also a young man named Summers,whose father will not be chairing the Federal Reserve—though it’s safe to say his family had a certain familiarity with the White House and other corridors of power before he landed that internship.

The proud parents of the class of 2013 also included Raghuveer Nayak, a Chicago democratic donor and fundraiser for former Illinois pols Jesse Jackson Jr. and Rod Blagojevich (he also donated $19,800 to Obama between 2004 and 2009). There was also a scion of the Lerner family, the real estate titans who own the Washington Nationals, and children of at least two different VIPs among influential Washington law firms: Winston & Strawn’sTimothy Broas and Holland & Knight’s Rich Gold.

I was an unashamed beneficiary of nepotism in my youth.  The only hitch was that jobs I got through nepotism were uniformly shitty -- landscaper's assistant, hospital kitchen worker, substitute teacher, etc. So my main beef with nepotism is that my relatives are all miserable failures.

But at least I got paid.  Not only do these prestigious interships only go to the well-connected, the portions are so small mummy and daddy are footing the bill:

A recently launched operation called the Fair Pay Campaign aims to bring attention to the White House’s failure to pay its interns. Mikey Franklin, the campaign’s founder, said the White House is just the first target in his crusade against the rise of the unpaid internship. “It’s an obvious place to start,” he said, because the White House should be a model for the rest of the country. “It’s a particularly egregious case.”

I guess Mikey won't like this either,

The New Republic will hire both Politics intern [sic] and Books and Arts interns. To apply, submit a resume and cover letter to ebreger@tnr.com with the subject “Fall Web Internship.” The cover letter should explain why the applicant is interested in working at The New Republic and specify if the application is for the Politics or the Books and Arts internship. The internships are full-time, unpaid, and based in the D.C. office.

I'm guessing the salt of the earth didn't get a callback for those slots either.

The Butthurt of Dylan Byers, The Man Who Would Be Kurtz

Dylan "PoliticHo" Byers is crestfallen that his crush, Ted "Filibuster Bluth" Cruz, gets no respect from the media outlets Byers hates:

Yes, the difference between filibustering and grandstanding plays a part. Equally important is the fact that Cruz's theatrics are frustrating members of his own party. But, part of the disparity in coverage is due to the fact that the mainstream media, generally speaking, don't admire Cruz the way they admired [Wendy] Davis — or rather, they admire him only insofar as he makes for tragicomic theater, whereas they admired her on the merits.

Cruz is portrayed in the media as "aimless and self-destructive" (NYT ed board), elitist (GQ) and likely guided more by presidential aspirations than principles (CNN). Josh Marshall, the editor and publisher of Talking Points Memo, had no qualms about coming right out and calling Cruz, his former Princeton colleague, an "arrogant jerk" — and worse.

These portrayals may be accurate or inaccuarate — Cruz certainly has an elitist strain and he certainly has political ambitions. But that's not the point: The point is that the coverage of Cruz has been critical, and in some cases unforgiving, from the outset. At least initially, Davis wasn't viewed through a critical lens at all. Her willingness to stand for 11 hours was evidence of the American dream in action. Period.

Byers apparently reserves his greatest respect for Long Dong Strom, who lapped Davis twice with his 24-hour plus actual filibuster in 'Fifty-Seven. That marathon session was Byers' American Dream, because who besides the nefarious EMESSEM gives a shit about ends or goals or motives. Or "merits."

More fundamentally, Byers plays the EMESSEM canard from the bottom of the deck, failing to mention that such right-wing publications as the Wall Street Journal and the New York Post have also bashed Cruz's stunt, that the FOX News Channel has frequently fellated Cruz (and sometimes criticized him), or that supposedly liberal e-rags like The Daily Beast slandered Davis. Like every other dishonest wingnut, Byers pretends that the top-rated U.S. cable news channel, the newspaper with the largest national circulation, the newspaper with the seventh-largest national circulation and PoliticHo itself (publisher of this President Cruz fluffer, among others) aren't -- unlike GQ, Vogue and TPM -- part of the EMESSEM.

Byers is so dishonest that he purports to quote Peggy Nooners as conceding Davis' greatness. Is Byers a lying sack? Judge for yourself.

Update (two minutes later):  I see Charles Pierce has already sliced and diced Byers like Ron Popeil's uncle on speed.

Ted Cruz's Fractured Fairy Tales

Ted Cruz will be reading these bedtime stories from the floor of the United States Senate this week:

Goodnight Loon

Hop on FOX

The 500 Toques of Bartholomew Cubbins

         Only a Miracle Can Save America from the Red Conspiracy

Mi Lucha

Calling Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard

Mickey Kaus has just discovered that private hospitals -- including the one in which he was dropped on his head as an infant -- offer additional amenities for well-to-do patients.  (Yes, now you can recuperate after childbirth in the equivalent of a Residence Inn, located atop an institute named for a billionaire advocate for socialized medicine who became wealthy via a U.S. government grant!)

Kaus frets that this means the best nurses will begin gravitating toward "VIP-high roller duties," unlike in all previous human history, when health care professionals clamored instead for the prestigious but poorly-paid duty of sponge bathing psychosomatic Slate bloggers earning high five figure salaries for 20 minutes of work a day.

The hairless hack's muddled point appears to be that Obamacare won't eliminate luxury medicine and is therefore a failure or, possibly, that Obamacare is not needed because luxury medicine exists.  Either way: Obama sucks!

The only thing missing is Kaus's concern that ferriners are using high-end hospitals to drop anchor babies.

Try The Po' Boy (pg. 47) and Mitt's Grits (pg. 124)

For those of you who need help spreading peanut butter and marshmallow creme on white bread, help is at hand.

Home is where good things happen—and for the Romney family, the heart of the home is the kitchen. Ann Romney, wife of former Massachusetts governor and presidential candidate Mitt Romney, invites readers into her home and kitchen, combining some of her favorite foods with memories of raising a family. 

Part "insider look," part cookbook, The Romney Family Table starts out with a unique blend of personal memories, homegrown traditions, and the foods that have made family events special. Join the Romneys for family nights, summers at the lake, Christmas Eve, and many other occasions, detailed in an intimate and welcoming style.

Then, indulge yourself in scores of additional mouthwatering recipes. From the simple (Fluffernutter Sandwiches) to the sophisticated (Peppered Pork Chops with Peach-Vinegar Glaze); from the Honey Wheat Bread Ann made regularly for five growing sons to the Buttermilk Pancakes she and Mitt shared with their Secret Service details at the end of Mitt's presidential campaign, these recipes will become treasures for you as they have been for the Romney family.

Which is to say, not at all.

Note:  You will be asked to relinquish all mobile devices before you join the Romneys for family nights, summers at the lake, Christmas Eve and many other occasions.

Roger's Required Reading

"Moses Wine and the Curious Incident of the C*** in The White-House," by Roger L. Simon

Grand Old Police Blotter: No, That's Too Obvious Edition

Surprisingly, someone was arrested in Michele Bachmann's office who wasn't Michele Bachmann.

WASHINGTON — A top aide to Republican Rep. Michelle [sic] Bachmann of Minnesota has been arrested by the U.S. Capitol Police and charged with theft.

Senior legislative aide Javier Sanchez, 37, of Virginia, was arrested Thursday after an investigation into a series of thefts in the Rayburn House Office Building, where Bachmann’s Washington office is located.

Bachmann spokesman Dan Kotman said Monday that Sanchez’s employment was terminated the following day.

“Any further questions should be directed to Capitol Police,” Kotman said.

Sanchez was charged with second-degree theft, indicating the stolen items were worth less than $1,000, according to Capitol Police spokesman Shennell Antrobus.

 I blame the vaccine.

R.I.P. Michael Hastings

Journalist Michael Hastings, author of The Operators, died today in a car accident in Los Angeles.

Good News BoBos

From St. BoBo's epistle to the wingnuts:

 Correction: June 14, 2013

An earlier version of this column misattributed a passage from Corinthians that ends with the statement, “God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” The letter to the Corinthians is by Paul, not Jesus.

In the draft, he attributed it to Ricardo Montalban.

Let me speculate that Bobo didn't work his way through the U. of C.  Or learn anything when he there.