Burning Down His Father's House

Commenter Ricky West says that a comparison of USA Today to NYT as respects their respective lying reporters is comparison of "apples to dumptrucks." He further guesses that "the fact that several editors of the NYT knew about Blair's lying & he was kept on anyway isn't of importance, eh?" to your correspondent.

I say the similarities outweigh the differences.

What did the NYT know, and when? According to the paper,

The Times inquiry also establishes that various editors and reporters expressed misgivings about Mr. Blair's reporting skills, maturity and behavior during his five-year journey from raw intern to reporter on national news events. Their warnings centered mostly on the errors in his articles.

His mistakes became so routine, his behavior so unprofessional, that by April 2002, Jonathan Landman, the metropolitan editor, dashed off a two-sentence e-mail message to newsroom administrators that read: "We have to stop Jayson from writing for the Times. Right now."

After taking a leave for personal problems and being sternly warned, both orally and in writing, that his job was in peril, Mr. Blair improved his performance. By last October, the newspaper's top two editors -- who said they believed that Mr. Blair had turned his life and work around -- had guided him to the understaffed national desk, where he was assigned to help cover the Washington sniper case.

By the end of that month, public officials and colleagues were beginning to challenge his reporting. By November, the investigation has found, he was fabricating quotations and scenes, undetected. By March, he was lying in his articles and to his editors about being at a court hearing in Virginia, in a police chief's home in Maryland and in front of a soldier's home in West Virginia. By the end of April another newspaper was raising questions about plagiarism. And by the first of May, his career at The Times was over.

Blair's now-known fabrications went back to July 2000, nearly three years from when he was caught.

And what did the USA Today know, and when? According the paper,

Kelley's work first came under scrutiny in May [2003] after [Executive Editor Brian] Gallagher received an anonymous note that questioned whether Kelley was fabricating or embellishing stories. The note triggered a review of Kelley's work but eventually became only a peripheral issue.

Kelley was investigated by USA Today for seven months, and then resigned after admitting lying in the investigation (but not in his reporting). Kelley's now known fabrications go back at least to 2000, three years before he was first confronted by his employer.

In each case, there were red flags many months before the reporter was confronted proof of lying and then resigned. The Times claims that Blair's red flags were thought to be mistakes rather than lies or plagiarism. The Times does not admit that any of Blair's editors knew Blair was lying. (Anyone with facts to the contrary should feel free to interject them into the comments below.)

Should the Times have continued to employ an error-prone reporter? Probably not. Did its editors know Blair was fabricating information weeks or even days before Blair was forced to resign? I'm not aware of any facts that they did.

Putzie Buries The Lede

Reporter Jack Kelley stands accused by his former employer, USA Today, of making shit up on a global basis. The paper reports:

Seven weeks into an examination of former USA TODAY reporter Jack Kelley's work, a team of journalists has found strong evidence that Kelley fabricated substantial portions of at least eight major stories, lifted nearly two dozen quotes or other material from competing publications, lied in speeches he gave for the newspaper and conspired to mislead those investigating his work.

You have to read the whole article (and all the sidebars) to grasp the extent of Kelley's misdeeds, which occurred over a period of years. Kelley is not yet ready to confess his sins, and has unveiled a Marion Barry defense: "I feel like I'm being set up."

Atrios comments that:

I'm sure the brothers Hack, Glenn and Mickey, will spend weeks discussing how this guy's race and religion allowed him to get away with things that other journalists couldn't get away with.

That appears to be sacrasm.

The nation's preeminent media reporter, Howie Kurtz, has already decided this story is not particularly newsworthy. In his Media Notes Extra column, Kurtz buries the Kelley story beneath a number of long, stale excerpts of Kerry bashing. (It seems Kerry took a vacation, which disqualifies him from being president.) So instead of headlining a story which is actually a media story (journalist fabricates news), the Putz gives top billing to a bunch of worthless clips on a non-media story (Hugh Hewitt slimes Kerry -- now that's newsworthy!)

Remember, Kurtz is the man who "ha[d] to" take time away from his honeymoon to report on the calls for Howell Raines's resignation in the aftermath of the Jayson Blair scandal. According to the Washington Post's online archives, Kurtz wrote at least 12 stories in which Blair was named in and/or the subject of the article's headline, not including the multitude of stories about the resignation of Howell Raines in the aftermath of the Blair revelations. A cynic might wonder if the fact that Kelley's a white evangelical Christian writing stories generally favorable to the Bush Administration instead of an African-American working for the supposedly left-wing NYT has anything to do with Kurtz's lack of interest in the Kelley story.

Don't worry, though, this blog will shine the spotlight on the misdeeds of Kelley and continue to dog the fraudlent media reporter, Kurtz.

Richard Perle Libel Watch, Part Deux

Listeners to NPR this morning heard neoclown Richard Perle assert that Spanish Prime Minister-elect Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero said "Iraq was better off under Saddam Hussein." (A paraphrase, looking for the exact quote.) The NPR reporter said that Zapatero had made no such claim, and I haven't been able to find such a statement on the internet so far. Zapatero said the war and occupation of Iraq are "a disaster," which of course is not the same thing.

Perhaps Perle will get his libel suit after all, only as a D rather than a P.

The Guardian has a good Jonathan Freedland column on the presidential election in Spain, and the Asshats of Evil: Brooks, Frum and Sully.

Accentuate The Positive

Although the style of this blog tends toward simplistic insults and carping, we try not to be all negative. In that spirit, I'd like recommend the website of an advocacy group that is both progressive and positive: TrueMajority.org.

The organization's priniciples are listed here. Some of the principles seem a tad ambitious, but the goals are very important. For example, TrueMajority seeks to significantly increase funding for primary and secondary public education. That should be a top priority for the Kerry Administration, right after repealing the No Child Left Behind fraud. (The site is endorsed by the National Head Start Association.) TrueMajority also opposes paperless computer voting.

TrueMajority posits that its agenda is revenue neutral, to be paid for by cuts in military spending. It explains its position in a very clever short animation featuring a cartoon Ben Cohen (who started the organization).

Anyway, I've signed up to recieve their e-mail alerts. The site's definitely worth checking out for the animation alone.

Shout Out To My Homes, David Brooks

So I caught this blogad for "Newz Crew -- A Global Youth & NewsHour Youth Circle." (Yeah, they don't know what it means either.) The Newz Crew appears to be some sort of funky fresh news (sic) website for yoot which is affiliated with PBS's Newshour with Jim Lehrer. Yo.

The site's content is supposedly provided by high school students, but it's got a strong whiff of earnest middle-aged dogooder:

"What is the Newz Crew?

"This project is an innovative, online program by and for youth using the Internet and news media to develop and promote media literacy and youth engagement in the democratic process.

"Come again?"

And it's being promoted through "ad banners on political Web sites, including Washington Monthly and American Conservative," the favorite internet hangouts of teenz everywhere.

Scrilla for the venture is provided by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, the Deutsche Bank Americas Foundation, the Surdna Foundation and the Time Warner Foundation. And viewers like you.

Whora! Whora! Whora!

Matt Yglasias sinks the U.S.S. Crotchfruit. Could anyone be stupider than JoJo?

Remember, Kids, Alcohol Kills Brain Cells

Chris Hitchens writes, with a shaky hand:

I can remember when I was a bit of an ETA fan myself. It was in 1973*, when a group of Basque militants assassinated Adm. Carrero Blanco.

...

Correction, March 16, 2004: Adm. Luis Carrero Blanco was killed in 1973, not 1975 as this article originally stated. (Return to the corrected item.)

I remember it as if it was yesterday, rounded off to the nearest year or two.

Hic!th may still qualify for the G.O.P. Team Leader Points, though. The title of Chris's article refers to "appeasement," although he manages to avoid the word in the article itself. I recommend the Joe McCarthy highball glass set, Chris (only 2,000 dignity points -- cheap!)

Speaking Of Your Liberal Media

The ultraleftist National Public Radio saw fit to broadcast Mickey "Wankette" Kaus's ravings on Senator John Kerry:

Mickey Kaus shares another late-night musing -- this time, Kaus thinks the campaign of Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry may be responding a bit too rapidly to some Bush campaign attacks. Listen to the segment.

No, you listen to the segment.

I'll wait for Day-to-Day to broadcast Charles Manson's late-night musings -- this time, Manson decries the prosecutorial overreaching of Vincent Bugliosi.

Meet Your Liberal Media

The ultraleft New York Times Opinion page ran essentially the identical piece twice. David Brooks called the citizens of Spain appeasers and Edward N. Nutsack Luttwak wrote the same column. Which one copied the other's paper?

Of course, this is just a dry run for The Three Tenors of Untruth (Rove, Racicot and Gillespie). In the coming weeks, Kerry voters will be smeared as appeasers, unpatriotic, traitors, fifth columnists and al-Qaeda apologists. As the Dems have been for the past 30 months.

Twin Streams And A Dental Dam

It's official. Republicans are as bad at writing about sex as they are doing it:

"How well her words describe our love - or the way it would be if we could remove all impediments, leave this place, and join together ... Then our union would be complete. Our lives would flow together, twin streams merging into a single river."

No wonder Dick spends so much time by the microwave.

Republicans Give America The Finger

The Heffelfinger.

The U.S. Attorney for the State of Minnesota, Tom Heffelfinger, is attempting to subtitute the federal government for speeding killer Rep. Bill Janklow (R-SD) in the civil lawsuit filed by the survivors of Janklow's victim, Randy Scott. Heffelfinger claims Janklow killed Randy Scott in the course of his employment for the United States House of Reprsentatives. According to CNN.com, if such is the case, taxpayers foot the bill for Janklow's lethal joyride and Scott's heirs can't recover punitive damages from the death-dealing Puke.

CNN also reports that Janklow was heading home for a campaign event. It appears South Dakota has the "going and coming rule," a principle of law which provides that "the employment relationship is ordinarily suspended from the time an employee leaves his job to go home until he resumes it." So how is the federal government liable for Janklow's dangerous antics while he was speeding home?

It appears that Heffelfinger is a Republican and former GOP mouthpiece. Janklow is worth between $2.2 and 7 plus million. Heffelfinger is working hard to ensure that Janklow has a very comfortable retirement.

Something is rotten in the State of Minnesota.

Meeting of the Minds

"Print pool reporter Chuck Lindell of the Austin American-Statesman reported to his colleagues that he saw a tuxedo-clad president plant kisses on the cheeks of singer Patti LaBelle and recording artist Jessica Simpson."

And it happened at Ford's Theater. Sometimes there's just too much material to work with.

My threatened expose, Mickey "Wankette" Kaus, the Wonder Years will not be published, as it turns out nobody is willing to admit knowing the diminutive crank during the 1960s. (Or maybe it's because nobody is willing to admit reading this blog.) My apologies.

Whores On Terror

Atrios caught the same Wan Juilliams quote I heard this morning on NPR. Wanny's not the only one conflating the invasion of Iraq with the "War on Terror." Howie the Putz did the same thing during his little chit-chat today:

I'm not accepting the premise of your question, that Bush is using 9/11 for political gain. How could a president not talk about the biggest single event of his term and the issue on which he's expended the most political energy? The election results raise serious questions for Spain - a prime minister who appeared headed for reelection is defeated because of terrorist attacks for which he somehow bears the blame? And obviously, having been closely associated with Bush's war on terror is not necessarily an asset for leaders of countries that were highly skeptical about the Iraq invasion.

I'll give Karl Rove this much: He keeps the dupes on message.

Morons Crush

It's amusing to watch all the wingnut bloggers sprouting self-righteous wood over the New York Times' cease-and-desist efforts regarding The National Debate's fake NYT Columnist Corrections page. Instacracker, for instance, whines like a wounded animal about the Times trying to "shut down The National Debate."

I'll make it simple for you simpletons. The Times is objecting to the TND's wholesale copying of its visual images and webpage format (which is, apparently, a literal cut-and-paste job). It doesn't give a rat's ass about TND's content. The point that the Times doesn't publish corrections for its columnists' errors has been blogged many times, many ways. Not a single one of those bloggers heard from the Times' attorneys. It did not happen. Bob Somerby fillets David Brooks, Bill Safire and Lizzy Bumiller in today's Howler -- will he get a letter from NYTCo.'s high-priced mouthpiece? No. Did Sully Joe or Donald Foreskin or Midget Mick or Tennessee Dim ever get a letter from the Times threatening legal action because of their incessant Times bashing? Hell, no. Have I been subject to service of process for pointing out the fabrications of Nick Pistof and Bill Safliar? Fuck, no.

Would it be asking too much of idiots like Hillbilly McInbred to give up just a bit of their limitless self-regard and stop pretending that Times is trying to "crush dissent" in the blogosphere? No. But what would they write about then?

What A Barone!

The Bush blog is highlighting this quote from conventional wisdom bore Michael Barone:

What is remarkable about our occupation of Iraq is not that it has gone badly but that it has gone so well. Last week, crude oil production was above target level, the central bank signed up for the payment system used by central banks internationally, and 140,000 Iraqi police and law enforcement officers were on duty. A new Iraqi currency is circulating, and schools are open. Wages are rising, interest rates are falling, businesses are opening and hiring. Millions of Iraqis are buying cellphones, TVs, and satellite dishes.

Barone must be paying Ahmed Chalabi for his information, because it's not quite accurate:

After years of wars, sanctions and mismanagement, Iraq's gross domestic product hovers around $1,000 per person, according to the 2004 Iraq budget - about the same as North Korea's or Mozambique's. (The United States' GDP is about $37,600 per person.) That means most Iraqis live hand to mouth, with few luxuries.

Unemployment is down - but from 60 percent to a still-whopping 28 percent, according to the planning ministry.

Underemployment is chronic. Iraq may have the world's best-educated taxi drivers and waiters.

"All I want is a job in my field," said Musadeq Mohammed, 28, a chemical engineer, who makes $200 a month working 10-hour shifts, seven days a week, waiting tables at Baghdad's Saj al Reef restaurant.

The consumer boom, while real, is the province of a relatively tiny elite. Iraqis who make the typical wages of $150 a month are not buying 36-inch TVs and $20 boxes of Swiss chocolates being sold in Baghdad's Karada neighborhood.

...

Glistening new storefronts selling newly available cell-phone service have sprouted around Baghdad, but there are only about 300,000 cell phones in use in a country of 25 million people, according to the Coalition Provisional Authority, the postwar U.S.- and British-led caretaker administration of Iraq. Mohammed, for one, cannot afford the $200 up-front cost.

Maybe they're buying the phones, but using them as paperweights.

Interestingly, the Bush blog left out the very next sentence from Barone:

Attacks on Americans have greatly diminished, and attacks on Iraqis are likely to turn them against terrorists rather than against us.

Not even Bush blog readers would swallow that one.

Update (3/15): Inky link no longer hinky.

Update (3/16): See comments.

Sullywatch makes an important point about the American public's response, or lack of it, to the terrorist bombings in Madrid.

If The Cable's Shit, You Must Acquit

O.J. Simpson is being sued in a Miami civil court for $20,000 amid claims that he used pirating devices to pilfer satellite TV broadcasts at his Miami home. DirecTV says Simpson used two "bootloaders" to decrypt its signals. The devices were removed by the feds from Simpson's house during a search way back in December 2001. Simpson attorney Yale Galanter could not be reached for comment.

Very disillusioning.

Johnny Ashcroft is coming home from the hospital today. Time to subpoena those medical records. Surely Johnny doesn't think he's got a right to privacy for those records.

The Great Divide

Of the top 10 books on the New York Times non-fiction best seller list, at least seven are partisan political books. On the left/anti-Bush side, Ron Suskind, Kevin Phillips, Al Franken and Michael Moore; on the right, Hannity, Savage Weiner, "Smackdown" Stossel. There's also a book of photographs from Mad Mel's Cruciflix which likely has implicit socio-poliltical undertones. The other two books are a science book and a book on the C.I.A. in Afghanistan (political leanings, if any, unknown).

Interestingly, the only books with the bulk sales dagger are the Passion and Afghanistan books. I doubt the Weiner or Stossel tomes will stay on the list for over 20 or 25 weeks, like Moore and Franken.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

As the Ashcroft Justice Department demands the medical records of women who have undergone abortion procedures, the Salt Lake County district attorney is prosecuting a woman who refused a cesarean procedure against the advice of a doctor.

The unspoken issue raised by this article is why aren't charges being brought against the people who invaded the woman's privacy. The article states that a nurse told police about the woman's privileged conversations with medical providers. The police allegedly have a copy of a consent form that the woman signed which warned of the possibilities of refusing the procedure (which undoubtedly was given to her by the hospital to protect it from civil liability). How did the prosecutors get that privileged document? (And if the woman is guilty of a crime, why isn't the hospital guilty of failing to report a threatened crime to the police?)

There's a lot of information that hasn't come out about this story. But it seems like the right is developing a new weapon in its war against women.

Clean and Sober

Buzzflash is headlining a speech for International Women Week's in which Bush praises women reformers, and mistakenly refers to male Libyian official as "she." My question is: what is Laura Bush doing in a speech on women reformers? Does telling Bush to sober up count as an act of courageous reform?

F%@#! C-SPAN

A few days ago, I read this article linked from Romenesko which said that C-SPAN was considering using a delay on its call-in shows. The author, Tim Cuspirin, made it sound as if there was a sudden upsurge in "obscene" callers, or at least that C-SPAN viewed things that way, and that C-SPAN was the originator of the idea:

For the first time in its nearly 25 years, C-SPAN is considering a delay on its phone lines to avoid an unacceptable comment slipping out during call-in shows.

"We're actually having some serious problems in the last month that worry us," says Brian Lamb, president and CEO of the network of three public affairs channels supported by the cable TV industry. "And if it doesn't stop, we're going to have to get a delay."

But this article from David Corn suggests that "serious problem" is not callers, but the Senate Commerce Committee's insane threat to impose decency standards on basic cable:

Another threat to C-SPAN materialized just days ago. On March 9, in a narrow vote--12 to 11--the Senate commerce committee barely beat back an effort to extend the decency standards that now apply to broadcasters to all cable programming (with the exception of premium and pay-for-view channels). How could this harm C-SPAN? After all, it's not as if it airs Howard Stern. But C-SPAN routinely shows events--campaign rallies, protests, and press conferences--where occasionally words deemed "indecent" by the FCC are uttered. That's what happens in real life. And there have been times when C-SPAN has covered a march or demonstration when a Janet Jackson-like moment has occurred. Lamb's guiding editorial philosophy has been that viewers in their living rooms should be able to see and hear exactly what they would see and hear if they were sitting in a hearing room or standing on the Washington Mall. But an indecency standard applied to C-SPAN could destroy its commitment to a showing events unedited in their entirety. "We don't want to edit and pixilate," Collins says.

If that's the "serious problem" Lamb was talking to Cuspirin about, Cuspirin needs to learn some basic journalism principles.

And where the hell does the Senate get the authority to regulate cable content? Fuck the Senate!

Now Headlining At The Laugh Fakery

Via Atrios, we learn just how funny Dennis Miller is. He has to pay people twice the minimum wage just to show up for the taping of his show. And that's just the cover; he has to buy them each two drinks as well. Don't forget to tip the waitresses, Dennis.

Just think how funny this blog would be if I paid you fifteen bucks to read it.

A Temporary Setback For Gay Marriage, But A Defining Moment For Howie the Putz's Career

SAN FRANCISCO, March 11 -- The California Supreme Court on Thursday ordered city officials here to stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, bringing at least a temporary end to a monthlong experiment that had thrust San Francisco to the forefront of a national debate on gay marriage.

"Effective immediately, we are stopping the issuance and recordation of same-sex marriage licenses," the city's assessor-recorder, Mabel S. Teng, announced at a news conference after receiving word of the court's unanimous decision.
...

Mayor Gavin Newsom said the city would continue to challenge the constitutionality of the state's ban in court. The city filed a lawsuit Thursday in San Francisco Superior Court raising some of its concerns.

"I believe confidently that when we get to the constitutional question, I will prevail," Mr. Newsom said at a news conference. "But I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't other setbacks in this process. This is the beginning of a struggle, hardly the end."

And, here's Howie Kurtz, a week ago Monday, demonstrating his remarkable insight and accuracy:

Instead, regardless of whether you believe [Mayor Gavin Newsom] he is leading a great cause, he chose to openly defy that law by ordering the granting of the licenses. (The law in question, by the way, is one that was approved by Californians through the initiative process.) Moore ultimately lost his job, and rightly so, for defying subsequent court orders to remove the 10 Commandments display. Presumably, the mayor will defy the courts if he loses the legal battle.

Presumably, the Post doesn't care how big an embarassment the Putz is.

I Resemble That Remark

Denny Hastert doesn't like it when John Kerry calls Illinois Republicans crooks and liars:

Q. Sir, Senator Kerry is on the Hill today, and yesterday he was --

Speaker Hastert. In Chicago, I believe.

Q. -- calling what sounded to be Republicans crooked and a lying group ...


[Hastert]. Well, not only did he say that, he said that in my home State. And, you know, I have tried to serve my tenure -- I am one of those Republicans in Illinois. If he wants to describe me as being crooked and a liar, I think he will have his comeuppance coming. You know, I think that is a wrong way to step forward in this campaign. I think the President went overboard in congratulating him on his nomination. If he wants to step off and start the campaign on this type of a note, you know, that is too bad. ...

Q. Coming out of the Congressional Black Caucus meeting a couple minutes ago, he said that I wasn't talking about the Republicans in that comment. He said, I was talking about the attack dogs. Do you accept that?

Speaker Hastert. No. He said Republicans. He clearly said in that statement Republicans. I am one of those Illinois Republicans, and I take great umbrage at that statement.

Dumpy Den's got a point. Calling Illinois Republicans crooks and liars is clearly the job of the United States Attorney's Office.

Krazy Kounsellors for Christ

You take your eyes off a wingnut for two second and look what happens: Krazy Kounsellor Klayman is no longer with Judicial Watch. He's running for the U.S. Senate and is allegedly hitting up cash-strapped creationists for million-dollar loans to a direct mailing list company. His campaign is in the toilet, but he's talking about running for President some day. And he's being sued by a former aide who says Triple K has some rather unorthodox religious beliefs:

In December Paul Jensen, that former campaign aide, sued Klayman, charging him with slander. In his complaint, Jensen says that he quit the campaign because Klayman would not pay him and that after he threatened to sue Klayman for back pay, Klayman paid him but then told others Jensen had stolen from the campaign. The complaint also maintains that Klayman--who has called himself a Jew who believes in Christ--told a Palm Beach Post reporter he was Jewish but informed prominent Christian conservatives he was a Christian, and that Klayman instructed Jensen "to lie, if the subject came up, about the fact that Klayman had recently been divorced from his wife." Another person close to the campaign says Klayman told campaign aides to avoid mentioning his divorce and that campaign workers discussed among themselves Klayman's practice of offering different descriptions of his religious beliefs.

And, as far as I know, he's never won a single one of those lawsuits he was involved with. (That makes him the anti-Edwards!)

Meet Your Liberal Media

Well, I'm hung like an intellectual fire hose, and I didn't even get a callback.

Here's a flashback, showing the hose writing at full pressure.

Ultra Deep Field

Very cool.

Topic Zed

I finally saw a bit of Topic A, the CNBC chat show hosted by Jim Capozzola's arch-nemesis, Tina Brown.

Tina was conversing with Jeanine Pirro, Stanley Crouch, some lawyer in a pink suit and some other person about the Martha Stewart verdict. And it was even worse than it sounds.

The show reminded me of the Faux News atrocity with Judith Regan and the vaseline-saturated camera lenses.

Next Sunday, Tina's five pound sack holds Willie Brown, David Bossie, Ken Auletta, Tim Robbins, Susan Cheever and Rocco Landesman. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Bummer. It looks like I missed the cut on James Wolcott's article on blogs in this month's Vanity Fair. (Warning: Link goes to site of failed TV Guide filler writer Weirdbeard Jarvis.)

I'm sure James meant to include me under the heading of "personal diarists doodling on the laptop, hoping someday to get laid...." Hey, I'm not proud.

Congrats to SullyWatch, TBogg, Brad DeLong, the mighty A and the rest!

Der Fraud Ohne Schande

Sully Watch has the goods on Sully, who reveals he knows as little about opera as I do. The L.A. Opera's website contains a synposis and an article by a prof which essentially confirm the interpretation of Sully Watch's correspondent. To be sure, the opera doesn't include a recreation of an abortion procedure or a literal debate about the morality of abortion. It's not clear whether the "unborn children" are unconcieved as well; maybe the work is a polemic against contraceptives. But L.A. Weekly's reviewer also noted that the opera "accomplishes the feat of delivering messages of comfort and joy both to readers of Betty Friedan and to bombers of abortion clinics."

I don't fault Sully on this one, though. It must be hell for him to come up with cultural commentary which passes the Father's muster over the Moonie Times.

Where Were You In '68?

Mickey Kaus has made much of the story of one (of ten) of Sen. Kerry's men in Vietnam who didn't like his C.O. The man, Joseph Gardner, is a Republican, like Kaus himself, although his hatred of Kerry is mild in comparison to Mick's.

But since Kaus holds that this is an important test of character, perhaps we should hold the wee hack to the same standard. Kaus was in college at the same time Kerry was in Vietnam, so any tales of Kaus's leadership will only involve the leadership of the Beverly Hills Young Republicans.

If any Kaus's roommates, fellow YAFers or stalking victims have any tales to tell about the 1968-1969 model Kaus, please send them to us at rogerailes@fastmail.fm. Because character counts.

Only verifiable stories, please; no Cornerish "and then John Kerry ate the last slice of pizza, my cousin said" fables. (Pictures would be funny too!) And feel free to use obscenities without the dashes.

Four Weddings And A Veneral Disease

It's the Brady Bunch meets the Corleones, with STDs.

Was it the generous pouring of Dom Perignon or the romantic music of the string quartet? Perhaps it was the frequent puppy-dog nuzzling of the newlyweds.

Whatever the inspiration, the toasts flowed with uninhibited warmth Saturday night as 150 guests from Houston and around the world celebrated the marriage of Maria Andrews and Neil Bush.

Former President George Bush, with champagne glass raised high, welcomed his new daughter-in-law. "We love Maria," he said. "This is a very happy day in the life of the Bush family."

The groom's 17-year-old son, Pierce, pulled at the heartstrings when he dedicated his toast "to one of the finest examples of two people in love" who set "a fine example for their kids to follow."

...

The petite bride wore a pale pink Ungaro gown and Badgley Mischka evening shoes. Standing with Maria were her older children -- Elizabeth, 12, and Pace, 10. Her youngest, Thomas, who soon turns 3, was on the sidelines with Maria's mother, Martha Manness.

Neil Bush, wearing a dark suit, was joined by Pierce and daughter Ashley, 14. Lauren, his oldest child and a student at Princeton University, did not attend.

...

Other family members unavailable for the wedding were Neil's brothers -- President George W. Bush, who was occupied with Mexican President Vicente Fox, and Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, who was said to have had pressing business in his home state.

The Chronicle did not state whether the Saudi guests were named bin Laden.

Who Not To Trust

The grand jury investigating the Plame leak has subpoenaed White House records concerning administration contacts with various journalists and whores. Here's the list:

Robert Novak, "Crossfire," "Capital Gang" and the Chicago Sun-Times

Knut Royce and Timothy M. Phelps, Newsday

Walter Pincus, Richard Leiby, Mike Allen, Dana Priest and Glenn Kessler, The Washington Post

Matthew Cooper, John Dickerson, Massimo Calabresi, Michael Duffy and James Carney, Time magazine

Evan Thomas, Newsweek

Andrea Mitchell, "Meet the Press," NBC

Chris Matthews, "Hardball," MSNBC

Tim Russert, Campbell Brown, NBC

Nicholas D. Kristof, David E. Sanger and Judith Miller, The New York Times

Greg Hitt and Paul Gigot, The Wall Street Journal

John Solomon, The Associated Press

Jeff Gannon, Talon News

Given the paranoid style of governing in the current administration, it's safe to say that the folks listed are people who have demonstrated their loyalty to Bush and Rove. (There may be some exceptions, but not many.)

So it's no surprise to see Pistof Kristof and Judy Miller on the list. The same goes for Evan Thomas, Gigot, and the NBC whores. It was clear even before the list came out that those men and women are administration mouthpieces, and nothing more.

Once the records are produced (or shredded), it would be good to see these folks recieve their very own subpoenas.

Congratulations to talented and thoughtful Kevin Drum on being named the Washington Monthly's official blogger. The Monthly's been a birthplace for the careers of a number of great writers. It's also turned out a number of hacks who shall remain talentless, but Kevin isn't one of those, we've known him all these years.

Meanwhile, if the good folks at Fish 'n' Grits are looking for a blogger to add prestige to their publication, they shouldn't hesitate to contact me.

Shall We Gather At The River

Apparently intolerant fundies aren't all that strict about abstinence, at least when the subject is alcohol consumption. In this report on Nino Scalia's appearance at a dinner sponsored by the anti-gay Urban Family Council, we learn that the Lord loves as lush:

According to Devlin, the event made no money. He said he didn't recall how much was collected. If all 125 attendees bought tickets, it would have brought in $18,750.

"It was a wash," he said, adding that the bill for the open bar was higher than expected.

That's $150 per person, but no profit because of all the boozing. Yeah, I know there were other expenses too. But the event was budgeted to make a profit, and would have done so but for all the drinking done by the pro-family moralizers in attendance.

Meet Your Liberal Media

Bet you didn't know this. (See 3/8, 1:44 p.m.) I certainly didn't.

Shame on Tim Russert and "Meet the Press" for failing to make full disclosure about their lead-off guest, Sunday, March 7, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani.

While Giuliani spent 20 minutes defending or lauding President Bush, and occasionally needling Sen. John Kerry, Russert didn't mention that Giuliani's hugely successful consulting firm has a $1 million contract from the Bush Department of Justice (New York Times, Feb. 22).

Revealing it would've allowed viewers to decide just how objective Giuliani is about the upcoiming [sic] presidential candidates.

Hell, if Meet the Press cared about conflicts of interest, Russert would be managing a Burger King in Buffalo.

Coming Tomorrow: Bob Somerby gives David the halbfinger. Should be good.

Blogrolling

I've added a number of new (to me) good blogs to the Enemies List: edwardpig, Three Dog Blog, Futurballa Blog (with excellent Bay Area photography!), Schadenfreude, and BottleofBlog. They are all definitely worth reading. (BottleofBlog has a series of very important posts on Ahmad Chalabi.)

And here's a first: The first physicist's blog on the Enemies List (that I know of). Preposterous Universe is authored by Sean Carroll, a physicist at the University of Chicago. Sean was on Science Friday last week. Very cool.

Howie the Putz Concerned Over Revelations He's A Gigantic Whore

Today's Media Notes Excrement entry is headlined: "Kerry Concerned Over Flip-Flop Image." Of course, Kurtz never quotes Kerry or anyone associated with his campaign as saying Kerry is concerned about "a flip-flop image." Howie then writes:

"Unfortunately from the Kerry camp's point of view, one narrative taking hold in the press is that of Kerry as Flip-Flopper, which just happens to coincide with the 'says one thing, does another' line being pushed by the Bush team."

Is it a concidence? -- the Putz offers no evidence for that assertion. Tomorrow, Howie will "report" that it's a coincidence that the sun rose on Tuesday approximately 24 hours from when it did today.

The Putz also reports on two plagiarism stories (and manages to work in the race of one of the accused) but gives the Boston Herald a complete pass for hiring known plagiarist Mike Barnicle.

Lou's Cannon

Dick "Big-Time" Cheney gave the Washington Press Cwhore its gold star for its toothless reporting since September 2001.

From the hour our country was attacked on September 11th, up to the present, American journalism has produced some of its finest work ever.

Obsequiousness has it privileges. And Tim Russert won't need a Cialis for months.

Just imagine how much Washington journalism would change for the better if someone had hired Chi-Chi's to cater the Gridiron Dinner.

p.s. -- The title refers to the Cheney speechwriter who can't spell the name of St. Ronnie's biographer, and the Weekly Standard editor who published the remarks without proofreading them.

The Wedding Cake in the Shape of a Giant Valtrex Was Beautiful

HOUSTON - Presidential brother Neil Bush, who divorced his wife of 23 years in a messy split last year, has married a former volunteer for former first lady Barbara Bush.

Bush married Maria Andrews on Saturday night in Houston in the mansion of longtime Bush family friends Rania and Jamal Daniel, the Houston Chronicle reported in its Sunday editions. They became engaged in December after Bush proposed in a French chateau.

Close to 150 guests joined the newlyweds after a small family ceremony that included former President George H. Bush and Barbara Bush. President Bush and Florida Gov. Jeb Bush did not attend.

We have no information as to where Neil, Maria and the weeping sores are spending their honeymoon.

Let The E-Mail Soar

Like the Gridiron Dinner, the motto of Roger Ailes, the blog, is "singe, but never burn." (Unlike the Gridiron Dinner, this blog's unofficial motto is not "suck up to an Administration that hates you.")

In that spirit, won't you join me in sending John Ashcroft one of these cute e-cards with a get well message. Send those best wishes to AskDOJ@usdoj.gov.

The No Facts Follies

Ever wonder why the Washington press corps is less potent than Viagra marketed through e-mail? One reason is that the corps is in bed with the officials they cover. And one of the most notable examples of this incestuous relationship, the Gridiron Dinner, occurred this weekend:

Dressed as Wilson in top hat and cutaway coat, Novak sings of himself: "Novak had a secret source ... so he outed a girl spy the way princes of darkness do. ... Now John Ashcroft asks Bob who and how, could be headed to the old hoosegow."

It's funny because Novak knows that Administration officials committed a crime, and nothing will ever come of it.

Orrin X

What did Senator Hatch know, and when did he know it?

According to the report, Lundell said Miranda told him that it was common knowledge that staff could access each other's files. "Furthermore, Mr. Lundell recalled that Mr. Miranda had told him that Sen. Hatch wanted the staff to use any means necessary to support President Bush's nominees," the sergeant-at-arms reported.

Is Whorin' Orrin as shocked about his staffer's actions as he'd like us to think?

Roger Goes Postal

Roger Ailes, the blog, takes a bold step forward into the 5th century B.C. with the announcement that it will establish a postal mailing address beginning next week.

Several times in the last year (approximately four), readers have kindly offered to send a review copy of recently-published or soon to be published book on various subjects of interest in history, politics and public affairs. I've kindly declined these offers, with regret, because I didn't have a mailing address and wasn't comfortable giving my out my home address. Anyway, I've arranged to get an address where I can receive mail related to this blog.

I'm not asking anyone to send me anything because, if there's one thing we can all agree upon, I'm not worth it. But I'm always willing to comment on and promote the work of people who deserve wider publicity -- and that's not you, John Podhoretz -- whether they be authors, artists, owners of luxury resorts, or friendless eccentric millionaires.

If you want to contact me by post, just e-mail me and, if you seem harmless, I'll send you the address.

Meet Your Liberal Media

Here's a heartwarming "as-told-to" story from yesterday's New York Times about a young girl and her Cadillac Escalade EXT. Stick a gay wedding announcement or two between the articles on the waiting lists of Ferrari mechanics and $1,200 handbags and you're practically Karl Marx.

Load

For those not inclined to read the link, here's the money shot, -- the (mother's) milky load as it were -- on Mannygate:

Although Miranda denied to investigators that he solicited Lundell for poached documents while he worked for Frist, the report includes March 2003 e-mails in which Miranda asked Lundell to "undertake a discreet mission" to send copies of the Democrats' files to the Committee for Justice so the conservative activist group could "build relationships with the press."

"Of course I would be happy to assist in this covert action," Lundell replied. "The question is: exactly how much should I provide? You know we have loads on[sic] information."

It's always the coverup.

United States v. Miranda and Lundell

Now that we've convicted Martha Stewart, let's get the Justice Department to work on some more serious crimes:

If the Committee were to refer this report to the Justice Department, prosecution might be considered under the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act.

The provision of this law most likely to apply in this case is 18 U.S.C. section 1030(a)(2)(B). It provides:

(a) Whoever -

(2) intentionally accesses a computer without authorization or exceeds authorized access, and thereby obtains -

(B) information from any department or agency of the United States;
shall be punished under subsection (c) of this section.

For purposes of 18 U.S.C. section 1030:

- the term "exceeds unauthorized access" means to access a computer with authorization and to use such access to obtain or alter information in the computer that the accesser is not entitled so to obtain or alter; 18 U.S.C. section 1030(e)(6).

- the term "department of the United States" means the legislative, or judicial branch of the Government, or one of the executive departments enumerated in section 101 of title 5; 18 U.S.C. section 1030(e)(7).

When Congress amended 18 U.S.C. section 1030 in 1996 by adding section (a)(2)(B), it meant to address a gap in the law's coverage. The legislative history states:

The second gap is the significant limitation on the privacy protection given to information held on Federal Government computers. Specifically, the prohibition only applies to outsiders who gain unauthorized access to Federal Government computers, and not to Government employees who abuse their computer access privileges to obtain Government information that may be sensitive and confidential. Senate Report 104-357, 104th Cong., 2d Sess., August 27, 1996, p. 4.

The legislative history also indicates that section (2)(B) was meant to cover government employees who "obtain information" by merely reading it. Id.
18 U.S. C. section 1030(a)(2)(B) is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine and/or not more than one year imprisonment. A referral to the Department of Justice could be made by either contacting the United States Attorneys' office for the District of Columbia or the Criminal Division's Computer Crimes and Intellectual Property Section. A prosecution under this section could result in litigation involving the article I, section 6 of the Constitution (speech and debate), the First Amendment (freedom of the press issues), the Fourth Amendment (issues relating to the search of computer records), and the definition of "unauthorized access" under the statute. And, while a criminal investigation could commence upon referral to the Department of Justice, a Senate Resolution would be needed to introduce documents or testimony into a Grand Jury or at trial. See Senate Rule 11.

In informal briefings prior to the issuance of this report, Committee Members asked about the possibility of pursuing a false statement case against Mr. _____ for being untruthful with investigators. The relevant statute, 18 U.S.C. section 1001, provides:

(A) Except as otherwise provided in this section, whoever, in any matter within the jurisdiction of the executive, legislative, or judicial branch of the Government of the United States, knowingly and willfully -

(2) makes any false, fictitious, or fraudulent statement or representation;
shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 5 years, or both.

The statue specifically addresses false statements in the context of legislative investigations:

(C) With respect to any matter within the jurisdiction of the legislative branch, subsection (a) shall apply only to -

(2)any investigation or review, conducted pursuant to the authority of any committee, subcommittee, commission, or office of the Congress, consistent with applicable rules of the House or Senate.

To be fair, we shouldn't let Manny "Mr. Blank" Miranda hog all the glory. Jason Lundell deserves some credit too.

To Your Health

Steve Gillard is coming home and doing better. And Jeralyn Merritt is recuperating from surgery. Sadly, Seb at Sadly, No! is in the hospital for a few weeks. We wish him the best.

These matters highlight what should be the first priority of the Kerry Administration: Universal health care for lefty bloggers.

As for rightwing bloggers ... well, let them buy their own medical savings accounts from Bush's Pioneers. Or let them eat cake.

The Noose Tightens

WASHINGTON -- The federal grand jury probing the leak of a covert CIA officer's identity has subpoenaed records of Air Force One telephone calls in the week before the officer's name was published in a column in July, according to documents obtained by Newsday.

Also sought in the wide-ranging document requests contained in three grand jury subpoenas to the Executive Office of President George W. Bush are records created in July by the White House Iraq Group, a little-known internal task force established in August 2002 to create a strategy to publicize the threat posed by Saddam Hussein.

And the subpoenas asked for a transcript of a White House spokesman's press briefing in Nigeria, a list of those attending a birthday reception for a former president, and, casting a much wider net than previously reported, records of White House contacts with more than two dozen journalists and news media outlets.

Some enterprising reporter should get a copy of the AF1 passenger lists for the first week of July 2003.

Pancreatitis is sounding like a good exit strategy... I wonder if it's contageous.

And I wonder who that former President could be.

Update: Newsday says Gerald Ford is the birthday boy.

Born Again

Charles Krauthammer went to see The Passion of The Christ and he's been born again. No, he hasn't converted. He's come out against "mak[ing] stuff up." That's not the Quackhammer we know and lo -- uh -- know. In fact, Krauthammer was objectively pro-libel when it came to Howard Dean. Now he's realized that libel is a bad thing.

The psychiatric treatment must be working. Just keep repeating, Charles, "Each day and in every way, I am becoming better and better."

Lott and Blogs: A Look Back

The Kennedy School has published a case study on the role of blogs in the coverage of Trent Lott's praise of Strom Thurmond's segregationist past. (Note: The article is a 25-page .pdf file.)

The study properly credits the lead roles of ABC's The Note, Atrios and Joshua Marshall, gives Instacracker too much credit (and allows the 'cracker to pat himself on the back) and points out that attempted credit-grabbers like Sully were late to the story (later than this blog even!) It also quotes prats like Dave Winer, who had nothing to do with the story.

Meanwhile, Lott is still a senator.

Update: Error corrected (see comments).

Well, Then, The Lawyer Is An Ass

Failed attorney Mickey Kaus, who may be the most embarassing issue of a state Supreme Court justice since the Revolutionary War, takes a breather from his Hate-Kerrython to weigh in on Justice Blackmun, author of Roe v. Wade:

Has there been a more riveting media event than the reverential, non-stop NPR/PBS/NYT coverage of Justice Harry Blackmun, a nice, very dull man who wrote what may be the least convincing major Supreme Court decision since the Civil War? ... I know I can't get enough of this guy!

On the other hand, Kaus found Plessy v. Ferguson unassailable, Lochner v. New York quite persuasive, and Korematsu v. United States logically airtight.

It's All Right (If You're White)

It's official! Making shit up and stealing other writers' work is a-ok, as long as you're a pale conservative. The right-wing Boston Herald has hired disgraced bottom feeder Mike Barnicle to write a column, six years after he was fired by the Boston Globe for turning in a column full of George Carlin jokes as his own thoughts. Of course, Barnicle never suffered much for his lack of ethics: after being canned by the Globe, he was given a weekly column by the New York Daily News and worked for MSNBC, and was embraced by such paragons of virtue as Pumpkinhead Russert and Don Imus.

No doubt all of those Howell Raines bashers will be equally outraged by the Herald's choice, and will call for the resignation of the Herald's top editors.

If you're undecided about whether to vote for John Kerry, this story might be helpful.

Desecration

Two things that didn't change on 9/11 are the cynicism of the Bush Administration and the Republican Party.

Mindy Kleinberg said she was offended because the White House has not cooperated fully with the commission and because of the sight of remains being lifted out of Ground Zero in one of the spots.

"How heinous is that?" Kleinberg asked. "That's somebody's [loved one]."

Firefighter Tommy Fee in Rescue Squad 270 in Queens was appalled.

"It's as sick as people who stole things out of the place. The image of firefighters at Ground Zero should not be used for this stuff, for politics," Fee said.

...

The gauzy, upbeat spots, aimed at shoring up Bush's sagging approval numbers, begin airing today on national cable networks and 50 media markets in 17 states that Bush-Cheney strategists consider electoral battlegrounds.

Two ads, including a Spanish version, show fleeting images of the World Trade Center devastation. The 30-second spots include a poignant image of an American flag fluttering defiantly amid the WTC wreckage.

One, titled "Safer, Stronger," also features a one-second shot of firefighters removing the flag-draped remains of a victim from the twisted debris.

...

Bush officials defended the imagery as totally appropriate.

A flag-draped coffin returning from Iraq would be even more appropriate.

The Goldberg Repetitions

Lucianne, Jnr., son of a bat, is nothing if not repetitive.

In 2001, Jonah Goldberg wrote this at National Review Online:

Marie-Antoinette didn't actually say "Let them eat cake!" In fact, she actually worked pretty hard to feed the poor. The legend comes from Rousseau's Confessions, where he wrote that a "Great princess" had declared "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" while the people were starving. Unfortunately "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" doesn't mean "Let them eat cake!" either. It means, more or less, "Let them eat [expensive] buns." And, it should be pointed out, Confessions was written in 1768, two years before Marie-Antoinette moved to France. Assuming Rousseau didn't just make it up, he was probably referring to Queen Marie-Therese.

Fascinating.

And just this week, the Bat's boy wrote another version of the same lame anecdote:

Let's start from the top. First, "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche" doesn't mean, "Let them eat cake." It means, "Let them eat some fancy egg-based bread" -- i.e. a brioche. Second, Marie Antoinette never said it. The story comes from Rousseau's "Confessions" and, according to historians, he couldn't have been talking about Marie Antoinette, because she was only 10 years old when the book was written and still living in Austria. Some believe that perhaps Marie Therese, another queen, had said, "Let them eat brioche," 100 years before the French Revolution. Other historians think Rousseau just made it all up. Whatever.

And most of the 2004 column is just a rewrite of 2001's lame effort. It's not quite a case of self-plagiarism, since Jonah worked up enough energy to rewrite the same thing in a slightly different way. (Although I wonder if he wrote the same thing for a college term paper, his high school paper, etc.) But it shows how little effort Jonah puts into his little hobby.

And don't get me started on how Jonah's explanation of the story doesn't even make sense, assuming it's true.

The Moon Isn't Shining For Dick

Looks like the Moonies want Dicky Ticker off the ticket. He's soft on homos, ya know. Here's the latest (February 24) entry from the Moonie Times "Insider" blog:

President Bush insists that Dick Cheney will be his running mate this fall, and there's no reason to doubt his word at this point. But some in the party worry that Mr. Cheney is an unneeded target on the ticket for Democrats and critics of the war in Iraq. A second Cheney vice presidential term also leaves the GOP with no heir apparent in 2008.

Why not then, they reason, put a fresh face on the ticket with Mr. Bush, someone who can inherit the White House four years from now? Under this scenario, Mr. Cheney, for health reasons, asks the president to pick another ticket-mate, and Mr. Bush reluctantly accepts. And Mr. Cheney continues as some kind of senior-level consultant to the president on anti-terrorism matters. Far-fetched? Only the summer will tell.

Ah, yes, lying about Cheney's health to get some Moon-approved wingnut on the ticket. Very Republican.

(Link not worth the effort. If you want to read the original, go to the site and sign in as "fuckmoon@hotmail.com" and "prudenbigot.")

A proposal for the Democrats regarding the 2004 U.S. Senate race in Colorado, following the retirement announcement of Ben Nighthorse Campbell:

Draft Jeralyn Merritt

I have no idea if she has any interest in the job (right now she's recovering from wrist surgery, and she's got a successful law practice), but she's a real progressive Democrat, brilliant, well-spoken, and she has a track record of thrashing right-wing blowhards in televised debates.

Jurisprudence By The Numbers

TBogg reports that Theordore "Ted" Olson, Esq. informed the U.S. Supreme Court that he performed an internet search of the phrase "free porn" on his home computer and got more than 6 million hits. "That's proof, Solicitor General Theodore Olson told the Supreme Court on Tuesday, of the need for a law protecting children from a tide of online smut."

A search of "free speech" also got more than 6 million hits, so kiss the First Amendment goodbye.

Also subject to censorship under the Olson regime:

free Jesus -- 6,170,000

free Iraq -- 6,810,000

free association -- 6,920,000

free assembly -- 7,070,000

Free Republic -- 7,140,000 (they're more popular than Jesus)

free arms -- 7,570,000

free health care -- 8,900,000

free food -- 11,700,000

free money -- 14,600,000

All of the above pose an obvious danger to the nation, and must be banned ... for the children!

Not only was Ted paid by you and me to search for porn at home, he's now got a defense if the Ashcroft Justice Department ever tries to send him to prison for cybering with Ann Coulter.

Now That's Orwellian!

Of course, this is the equivalent of the distributors of The Brown Bunny taking out "For Your Consideration" ads in Daily Variety, but, still....

The Returns From The West Coast

Based on the early returns, it looks like John Kerry has gotten at least 60 percent of Democratic primary vote in almost all of California's counties (he's under 60 in some rural counties such as Lassen, Mariposa, Modoc, Mono and Trinity).

Dennis Kucinich has gotten 10 percent of the vote in Marin County so far. (Must have been those phone calls from Danny Glover).

And the Democrat representing the Mickey Kaus wing of the party, Lyndon LaRouche, is trailing everywhere, racking up approximately 0.1 percent of the vote.

Welcome, Bloggers!

Welcome the newest additions to Roger Ailes Enemies List:

Michael Berube

Boston Review

Everything's Ruined

Press Action

salto mortale

If you have a blog, or a blog you'd like to recommend, please e-mail me at the fastmail.fm address. If you've already e-mailed me with a link, it's probably gotten lost among the numerous international lottery and virus messages that fill my inbox, so please try again.

Miss Congeniality Right Wing Whiner of The Week

John McCaslin, Pity Patty:

The Democratic National Committee (DNC) is going to extreme lengths to keep Education Secretary Rod Paige's description of the National Education Association --"a terrorist organization" -- on the front-burner of the 2004 presidential campaign.

Calling for Mr. Paige to resign for offering his personal opinion (as if his fellow educators in this country don't opine before our children on a daily basis), the DNC has actually printed the State Department's current list of foreign terrorist organizations, including al Qaeda, Hamas, Shining Path, the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, and now -- or so the Democrats contend in writing -- 3 million U.S. teachers.

"Actually printing" a list! That's extremism.

Right Wing Whiner of the Week

Mike Adams, professional victim:

To make matters worse, they have also said that they will not fund "conservative" speakers. I learned after my speech that the CRs were stuck with paying the bill for my hotel room. A university that has no problem paying for porn stars promoting anal sex will not pay any expenses for conservative speakers because they are simply too offensive.

To add insult to injury, the CRs were removed from a room that they had reserved for my speech only minutes before the speech began. We were all ushered into a smaller room cluttered with tables that made it difficult for the audience to listen to my speech. This was the fourth consecutive week that the CRs were bumped out of a room they had specifically reserved.

It's nice to see Mike admit his long-suffering audience isn't bright enough to follow his speech because there was furniture in the room.

But fair is fair. If the UNCG refuses to pay for Ben Shapiro's lodgings when he comes to speak on No Hump Day, I'll personally pay for him to share a single with Tristan Taormino and Mike.

Thomas Sowell, who needs to take a remedial writing course, comes out against racial equality:

The history of the human race around the world shows how hard it is to create and maintain a national unity when different segments of the society think that what they want over-rides what everyone else wants and justifies violating the very accord that makes a society possible.

Well, not really. He just wishes.

God Is Not On Our Side

James Lileks, the brain-dead scribbler with the misshapen head, reviews John Kerry's answer to the question "Is God on America's side?" Lildick concludes that Senator Kerry believes God was on the side of the "atheistic communists" during the Vietnam War. The bulbous-beaned bleat-off offers no support for his assertion, he just says it's so because Kerry refused to say God is always on America's side.

Lileks then distorts some quotes F.D.R. and J.F.K. which really don't support his point.

In rebuttal, let me cite some other distinguished authorities who disagree with the Minnesotan halfwit.

Abraham Lincoln:

During the Civil War, some Methodist clergymen called on the White House. The spokesman of the group intoned, "Mr. President, our cause will prevail because the Lord is on our side.

Gentlemen, the question we should ask ourselves is: "Are we on God's side?" (source)

Mark Twain, a writer whose bung-encrusted Union suit Lileks isn't fit to clean with his tongue:

With all eyes following and wondering, he made his silent way; without pausing, he ascended to the preacher's side and stood there, waiting. With shut lids the preacher, unconscious of his presence, continued his moving prayer, and at last finished it with the words, uttered in fervent appeal, "Bless our arms, grant us victory, O Lord our God, Father and Protector of our land and flag!"

The stranger touched his arm, motioned him to step aside -- which the startled minister did -- and took his place. During some moments he surveyed the spellbound audience with solemn eyes, in which burned an uncanny light; then in a deep voice he said:

"I come from the Throne -- bearing a message from Almighty God!" ...

[The stranger spoke:] "You have heard your servant's prayer -- the uttered part of it. I am commissioned of God to put into words the other part of it --that part which the pastor -- and also you in your hearts -- fervently prayed silently. ... Upon the listening spirit of God the Father fell also the unspoken part of the prayer. He commandeth me to put it into words. Listen!

"O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle -- be Thou near them! With them -- in spirit -- we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with hurricanes of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it -- for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen."

[After a pause.] "Ye have prayed it; if ye still desire it, speak! The messenger of the Most High waits."

It was believed afterward that the man was a lunatic, because there was no sense in what he said. (source)

And, of course, the God who Lileks uses to bash anyone who disagrees with him:

"[God] causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." (Matthew 5:45)

(Link via Oliver Willis)

The Roger Ailes Primary

We're back from our triumphant Academy Awards appearance -- in Tom Ford for Gucci, thanks for asking -- and ready to announce the all-important Roger Ailes primary endorsement.

No politician is perfect, but there are many reasons to vote for this contender -- his service to his country, his intelligence, his relatively progressive record and, yes, his electability. But there is one reason every eligible American should vote for John Forbes Kerry: Every vote for Senator Kerry makes this Republican suffer just a little bit more.

Join me tomorrow, and make it excruciating.

A Note From The Management

The management of Roger Ailes has noticed a certain ... underperformance ... from the editorial staff in the past week.

To rectify the situation, the editorial staff will be placed on a two-day unpaid suspension, effective immediately. While this is drastic measure, we feel it is necessary to ensure the high-quality content readers of this blog have come to expect.

Regular service will resume on Monday. In the meantime, please patronize the fine blogs listed to your right.

Eyeball Eating Crow = Money Shot

We usually agree with Sullywatch -- but we have to say our favorite line in Sully's review of Godsmack: The Bashin' Of The Christ was this: "....Gibson has a large crow perch on the neighboring cross and peck another man's eyes out. Why? Because the porn needed yet another money shot."

Maybe it was a Hitchcock homage.

Condi To America: Screw You

Condoleezza Rice has told the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks to pound sand. (Note: 1 page .pdf file.) Rice is refusing to testify before the Commission's public hearing on counterterrorism. So much for public service.

Spanky and The (R) Gang

William "Dice" Bennett has announced that he's got his own Morning Zoo Crew and he's ready to rock (or, at least, stone). Salem Radio Network, which already broadcasts the white noise of Mike Gallagher, Hugh Hewitt, Dennis Prager, David Lawrence and Michael Medved, has decided there aren't enough doughboy bloviators in the morning drive-time "daypart." Here's the nut from a Salem press release:

"We could not be more pleased to have Bill Bennett join the SRN team. He's an entertaining and energetic communicator with a tenacious faith in America. Bill has a lot to say and says it in a way that's never boring. He and Tom Tradup will add a new dimension of flinty conversation, humor and intellectual fire power to morning radio," added SRN's President Greg Anderson. "All indications point to Bill Bennett's 'Morning in America' being one of the most successful rollouts ever."

Morning in America is unoriginal, in a way that's very boring. I'd suggest "Spanky and The (R) Gang" instead.

Please feel free to offer other suggestions to the godly, witch burnin' folk at Salem.

Aaron Brown, Boy Genius

"So are you going to vote in November, Andy?"

(Paraphrase)

And Battle Come Down

Don't worry, Sully. There's an empty spider hole for you near Tikrit. Or maybe you can trade for a cave fixer-up in TB-Town.

"Gay people will now regard [the Republican Party] as their enemy for generations - and rightly so." Whaddaya mean "now," white man?

BREAKING NEWS

CNN.com:

President Bush announces he supports a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage. Details soon.

Big Pharma and Neilsie Bush breathe sighs of relief. The era of homo-terrorism is over!

Terrorism Rhetoric Level: Red

The Administration's beta-testing of its 2004 campaign strategy was deemed a miserable failure when Bush Education Secretary Rod "A-Tool" Paige was forced to apologize for labeling the National Education Association a "terrorist organization."

Calls for Ed Gillespie and Marc Racicot to denounce Paige's "political hate speech" were not immediately returned.

For more on the miserable failures of Dr. Paige, read here.

Russ Smith takes the Bizzaro World edition of the New York Times:

"William Safire is certainly the most palatable voice found on the New York Times's left-wing op-ed pages. Mr. Safire's blend of conservative/libertarian commentary remains the daily's tonic to the strident anti-Republican columns of Paul Krugman, Maureen Dowd, Thomas Friedman, Nicholas Kristof, and Bob Herbert. Charitably, I'm still reserving judgment on the Times's newest pundit, David Brooks, often described as 'every Democrat's favorite conservative.' So far, in the six months Brooks has written for the paper, his columns have too often been timid and apologetic, as if he dare not present assertive opinions lest his tenure at the Times wind up as a dashed experiment."

I guess that whole "criticizing neo-cons = anti-Semitism" rant was too shy and retiring for our boy Russ.

Hackery For Dummies

Want to be a bed-wetting hack, imagining liberal bias for fun and profit? Watch and learn.

A constipated chrome-dome writes:

No Bias Left Behind! Compare the New York Times' account of a Utah meeting in which federal officials sought to calm fears about the No Child Left Behind Act ("Bush Education Officials Find New Law a Tough Sell") to the account in the local paper ("No Child Left Behind Comes Into Focus"). Somehow the Times missed this part:

Afterwards, some parents and minority advocates said they didn't want things to change too much. The law forces schools to confront weaknesses, said Karen Duffy, a University of Utah researcher who studies education issues for American Indians.

American Indians have long lagged behind their classmates, she said, and the school system has failed to solve the problem.

"This law is about the only hope they have," she said.

(Emphasis added; hackery in original)

How did de ol' debbil Times miss "this part" of the "meeting?" Well, it's just a wild guess but, maybe because "that part" happened "afterwards," that is, after the meeting. It wasn't part of the meeting.

Perhaps Ms. Duffy didn't want to talk to the Times. Perhaps the Timesman was interviewing others while the Salt Lake Tribune reporter talked to Ms. Duffy. Perhaps the Times killed her so she couldn't give them a quote prasing NCLB. Don't ask Kaus -- he's only hacking.

Liar Straights

Don't use drugs, kids, or you might end up with the kind of permanent brain damage that Rush Limbaugh has inflicted upon himself. Today, the pill-popping pig accused a lesbian couple of child abuse because they had their infant daughter treated by specialists at the neonatal Intensive Care Unit of one of the finest hospitals in Northern California.

Sayeth the pig:

The second article tells the story of a lesbian couple that [sic] left one of their twin babies at UCSF's neonatal ICU, where she had major surgery so she could breathe unaided, so they could go get a marriage license [sic]. They left this little baby in dire straits so they could put themselves first. What about the little girl in this story? What about this baby? You know, if a heterosexual couple did this, it would be called child abuse. You could almost read it that way.

And here's the real story.

Unless the mothers are accomplished neonatal surgeons or ICU nurses, they didn't leave their daughter in dire straits. Rather, they arranged for extremely sophisticated surgery which saved their daughter's life and LEFT THEIR DAUGHTER IN THE CARE OF SOME OF THE MOST QUALIFIED SPECIALISTS IN THE FUCKING UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, YOU FAT MORONIC FUCK!

Of course, none of Big Pharma's multiple sacred marriages resulted in any offspring, which would have been, by definition, child abuse.

[Insert Photoshop of Ralph With Cubs Cap Here]

Here's someone endorsing Nader's run (or the idea of it at least):

Blaming Nader for 2000 is like blaming Steve Bartman for the Cubs failure to get in the World Series last year. Sure, if Bartman had not innocently tried to catch that foul ball headed for Moises Alou's mitt, the Cubs might have won Game Six. But if the Cubs had won four previous games, they would have made the Series. They could have come back from that freak play and still have won Game Six. They could have won Game Seven. There are lots of "could haves."

So that makes Tony Scalia what -- illegal steroids taken by the Florida Marlins?

(Disclaimer: Analogy for comedic purposes only. I'm not suggesting the Flordia Marlins use steroids. Or coke. Like Brutus Beefcake did.)

The Ralphmentum Begins

Here's Ralph Nader's Monday media schedule:

NBC Today Show - between 7 and 8am EST or check your local listings

ABC Good Morning America - between 7 and 8am EST or check your local listings

Democracy NOW, Pacifica Radio Network 8am EST, check local listings

NADER ANNOUNCEMENT PRESS CONFERENCE! Broadcast LIVE on C-SPAN 2 10am EST

CNN Inside Politics - LIVE Judy Woodruff, 3:30 to 4:30 pm EST

PBS Jim Lehrer - LIVE 6 to 7pm EST

MSNBC Chris Matthews - Hardball 7pm EST

CNN Paula Zahn 8 to 9 pm EST

Action Plan: Call FOX and CBS and demand they let the people hear Ralph's message of building democracy and advancing justice!

Ralph's candidacy has already strengthened the economy. You can apply for a paid position with the Nader campaign here.

A reader sent in this antidote to the idiots (see here for example) who claim the Bush Administration is a positive force for women's rights in Afghanistan. It's an article in the New York Review of Books by Ahmed Rashid, summarizing the findings of Human Rights Watch:

In two reports at the end of 2002, HRW described the horrific situation in western Afghanistan where Ismail Khan had established a dictatorial fiefdom over three provinces, ignoring the Karzai government with tacit approval from the US. In an HRW report entitled "'We Want to Live as Humans': Repression of Women and Girls in Western Afghanistan," several women described the situation under Khan as virtually similar to living under the Taliban. Local police were stopping girls in the street and forcefully carrying out virginity tests. "Herat is the worst province for women in Afghanistan," said a UN official working with women's groups in Afghanistan.

Women were allowed to study only in segregated schools, were discouraged from working, and were forbidden to ride in cars with foreigners. Those caught riding in cars with an Afghan male who was not their husband were taken off to hospitals where doctors would examine them to determine whether they had recently had sexual intercourse. Doctors said that up to ten girls a day were being tested and many girls were too ashamed even to talk about it....

The violence against women by Taliban members was memorable not just for their violation of genuine Islamic values but for their obsessive attention to sexual and gender detail. The same can be said about Ismail Khan today when he forbids women to wear makeup outside the house even though they must wear the burqa at all times. Men are forbidden to wear neckties or shake hands with local or foreign women....

All this has been happening while US Special Forces and diplomats and UN officials are based in Herat. When US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld visited Herat on April 29, 2002, he described Khan as "an appealing person, thoughtful, measured, and self-confident."

....These abuses are not unavoidable because many of these actors were brought to power by the US and the international community or are dependent on them now for support. In the southeast a local expression describes abuses by gunmen as happening "'right under the mustaches' of the Americans."

Hazrat Ali, the warlord in the northeastern provinces of Nangarhar and Laghman, whose forces fought alongside US troops in the Tora Bora battle against al-Qaeda, is still a favorite of the US military. He is named by HRW as one of the most prominent violators of human rights in eastern Afghanistan. His commanders and troops rob, steal, kidnap, and violate women and indulge in sexual violence against young boys. "Many of the soldiers in the military unit with Hazrat Ali are just teenagers, and the commanders use them for sex purposes," says a university student in Jalalabad.

Nobody's sad that the Taliban is gone; nobody wants to see them come back. But Bush isn't a liberator of Afghanistan's women, and no one should believe the hype.

Can anyone confirm that the reason the New York Times put someone as pointless as Maureen Dowd on the op-ed page is so it wouldn't have to hire another female columnist as a counterpoint?

Protect Yourself

A reminder to watch out for computer viruses. I received today an e-mail with the sending address of the Washington Post Post ombudsman (ombudsman@washpost.com). He has never written to me, and I've never written to him. The message had all the classic signs of a virus message: The subject line was "test" and it had a 31k attachment. I just deleted it without opening it. (I'm sure it's not actually from Michael Getler or the Post.)

If you've sent me a message without a personalized subject line in the past couple of months, it's probably been deleted without opening. Safety first... Because Roger cares.

Oh, and use a prophylactic too. And a seatbelt. And put a coat on.

Brutus Beefcake's Cocaine Triggers Beantown Anthrax Scare

Greatest story I've heard in a long time. I heard this on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and I'm surprised it's not already all over the blogosphere.

Former WWF pro wrestler Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake (aka Ed Leslie) was working as a fare collector for the Boston subway system. Someone spotted white powder in a fare collector's booth and thought it was anthrax, so the authorities ordered the Downtown Crossing station evacuated. Turns out the white powder was Brutus' "bag" of blow. Sadly, Brutus lost his job and is now in rehab.

And I always thought pro wrestling was a such clean and sober sport. Brutus' blunder is likely to give the sport a black eye.

Roger's Mailbag

Reader Philip Barnard writes:

re your Feb 19 piece on Bloch and Carlson.

I enjoy your blog generally, but I really have to object to the "University of Kansas and Bush Administration" headline! The entire university is likened to the Bush Administration because two right wingers went here (and left here! Gee, wonder why he's at Casper and not the U of Kansas....)? Really, I don't see the logic.

Obviously one can find right wing extremists at any university. Why pick on us? If you'd like to find out about the University of Kansas and the kind of intellectual work that's done here, I'd be happy to try and give you a little information. In intellectual and ideological terms you can find as many or more egregious right wingers at private, so-called "elite" institutions, if you care to go looking.

Don't public universities get enough misinformed pounding from the right in the culture wars?

I agree with you completely about these two characters, but how their extremism reflects on the U of Kansas escapes me.

Mr. Barnard is right. There was no basis for my swipe at the University of Kansas, and no reason to blame the U of K for the extremism of Bloch and Carlson. I stand corrected.

Grand Old Police Blotter: An Ass His Check Can't Keep Edition

Here's the future of the Republican Party, a young man destined to be a Senior Economic Advisor in the George P. Bush White House:

CONCORD - A 23-year-old state representative who faced possible expulsion from the Legislature resigned Thursday rather than defend himself against charges he abused his office....

"I'm very sad to leave the House. I really feel that I belong there," Kerns said afterward.

Kerns faced three ethics charges against him: passing a bad check with "State of New Hampshire" written on it; using his title to get a parking spot reserved for school officials; and threatening them when told to stop parking there.

Kerns said he felt forced to resign because he was afraid the Legislature would take up the matter before he was willing to address it. He also said he plans to spend the next few months recovering from an unnamed neurological illness and preparing to file for re-election in June.

According to this link (registration required; don't bother), the punk Puke is a top-flight constitutional scholar:

After he allegedly wrote the bad check in Salem last summer, Kerns introduced a resolution declaring "misdemeanor offenses of any kind shall not constitute probable cause under the Fourth Amendment of the United States Constitution." It was struck down in later debate.

And a philosophe:

"I was diagnosed with a serious condition that affects my ability to do my job and has exacerbated situations with my peers," Kerns said. "I am a human being, which means I speak my mind, support independent causes and have transcended the political process socially."

He certainly looks like a Puke.

Mission Accomplished

UggaBugga points us to this article, where Ahmed Chalabi has a good laugh at our expense. It's like the ultimate episode of Punk'd (or maybe PNAC'd), but with thousands dead and wounded (so far).

But many American officials now blame Mr. Chalabi for providing what turned out to be false or wildly exaggerated intelligence about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction.

During an interview, Mr. Chalabi, by far the most effective anti-Saddam lobbyist in Washington, shrugged off charges that he had deliberately misled U.S. intelligence.

"We are heroes in error," he said in Baghdad on Wednesday. "As far as we're concerned, we've been entirely successful.

"Our objective has been achieved. That tyrant Saddam is gone, and the Americans are in Baghdad. What was said before is not important."

Mr. Chalabi added: "The Bush administration is looking for a scapegoat. We're ready to fall on our swords if [President Bush] wants."

"Hero" isn't the word I'd use.

Of course, once the Americans leave Baghdad, there will be a lot more folks looking for Chalabi and his cronies to fall upon the ends of swords.

When Hairfree Met Suzy

Ailes Exclusive! Top sources can reveal that two rabid Republicans -- one married! -- have been crossing state lines to swap spite in furtherance of their mutual hatred of Senator and Presidential hopeful John Kerry.

Earlier this month, Mickey Kaus was seen trying to light a fire under the fabricated Drudge smear of Senator Kerry by referencing a non-story "from the 1998 Boston Herald, to which I was steered a few weeks ago by a skeptical and unaligned feminist Democrat." (See Feb. 12.) Seasoned media observers familiar with the hairless hater suspected the "Democrat" in question was the once-respected Susan Estrich, based on this Daily Howler report which placed Kaus in the Granite State at the same time as an unnamed loudmouth "Faux Democrat."

Incomparably, yesterday's Howler reports that Estrich shopped the same smear article to Brit Hume on Fox, and confirms that a "well-oiled" and "staggering" Estrich was the loudmouth in quo.

Accordingly, we have the following scenario: Kaus living out of a New Hampshire motel room around the same time he was swapping smutty press clips with a "feminist Democrat," and at the same time the lubricated Estrich was on the loose in Manchester. Was Susy (R) the mystery "feminist?" And where was the long-suffering "Mr. Estrich" [real name withheld] at the time?

This site certainly isn't accusing Kaus and Susan Estrich of adultery. We're sure they were just delivering resumes, in the Republican sense of that phrase. And sharing tawdry fantasies about John Kerry doesn't even qualify as sex as defined by Paula Jones' attorneys.

Unless these two claim under oath that they are Democrats, it's doubtful much more will come from this sordid episode.