Thursday, July 31, 2014

Suvivor: Frenso

Previewing this fall's election for CA Governor, Kneel Kashkardashian finds that nobody wants his services.  Let's take a peek:
So, last Monday morning I took a Greyhound bus from Los Angeles to Fresno. With only forty dollars in my pocket (and no credit cards), a backpack, a change of clothes, and a toothbrush, I planned to find a job and earn enough money to get by. I am an able-bodied 40-year old. Surely I could find some work?
Maybe the videographer and creative team following you around gave people the idea you weren't seriously searching for permanent employment.
Over the next seven days, I walked mile after mile in one hundred degree heat searching for a job. I offered to do anything: wash dishes, sweep floors, pack boxes, cook meals, anything. I went to dozens of businesses in search of work but wasn’t able to get any. In seven days, I didn’t see a single “help wanted” sign but I did see plenty of signs that fast food outlets now accept food stamps.
I suspect that I too could show up unannounced at a few dozen businesses where no one would have any reason to hire me, and no one would hire me.  I could even not find a job if I took time off from the search to film establishing shots of me staring wistfully at a passing freight train. (Sadly, the shot of Kneel pilfering an aromatic pie cooling on a farmhouse windowsill did not make the final cut.)   

I also suspect that if I employed a job strategy less half-assed than Kneel's campaign strategy, I might not have had as much luck avoiding a job offer. Did you try Macy's, Kneel? Surely a payday lender or a bailbondswoman wouldn't have said no to a man of your talents.

Kneel doesn't explain what his economic plan is. He confides that it's pro-pro-growth, and anti-food stamps, failing schools, welfare and increased minimum wage.  Beyond that, you'll just have to trust him. 

I'm always willing to help the truly needy.  Kneel once helped Hank Paulson write his autobiography.  So if you don't make it to Sacramento this November, Kneel, I'm happy to hire you as a ghostblogger.  We'll split the take 50/50.

Update (8/1):  Went through a fastfood drive-in this morning to get a bottled water.  Sign on the establishment said they were interviewing for "all positions/all shifts." (Wasn't in Fresno, of course.) Maybe these joints take the signs down when multi-millionaires pretending to be drifters stroll by.


Montag said...

And, not getting a job had nothing to do with Kash&kari's decided tendency to cultivate a look that is every Hollywood producer's idea of a Middle Eastern terrorist.

And, admittedly, California memories are no longer than those in the rest of the country, but, it's still too close in time to be spouting the same policy bullshit as Ahnold the Fegler, the same prescriptions that pushed California right up to the edge of the cliff and then gave it an extra nudge.

Not to mention that, these days, being a protege of Hank Paulson is not a way to win friends and influence people, especially in southern California, which, for a time, was Foreclosure Central.

gmoke said...

O Reagan, Where Art Thou? or Kash and Kari's Travels. Where's Preston Sturges when we need him?

Jon H said...

What's the hobo symbol for "Gives extra basis points on a CDO"?