Bill Never Bet On The Monthly Number Of Drug Fatalities Or Where His Ghost-Written Books Would Rank on The Best-Seller List

William "Dice" Bennett takes Charlie Hustle over his knee and administers a li'l punishment:

Virtues Czar Bill Bennett, who ran into a spot of bother last year over his multimillion-dollar gambling habit, slammed Pete Rose's gambling during a speaking trip to New Hampshire last week.

"I think it's an open question whether any adult should gamble," Bennett told me. "It's an absolutely closed question whether a baseball player should gamble on baseball."

Put a Pony cap and a graying Beatle wig on Bennett and you couldn't tell the two apart.

How about buying bucketloads of dope from your household staff, Bill: open or closed?

(Thanks to a reader for the link.)