Confidential to Rand Paul

Domino's pizza still sucks.

Hackowe'en

Mickey Kaus, who is still alive, has snuck back into the e-pages of Slate.com, with this anonymous missive to "Dear Prudence:"

Dear Prudence,

I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more “modest” streets—mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn’t a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children. Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what’s the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids?

-- Halloween for the 99 Percent

"Are there no sweatshops and child sex traffickers?" Kaus left unsaid. 

Kaus' query recalls his White Fright fantasy from nearly a decade ago:

There was a large gang fight on Halloween in the lush heart of L.A.'s affluent suburban West Side, I'm told. Dozens of teenagers, some wielding bats and chains, from rival black and Hispanic outfits battled each other around 26th Street and San Vicente, on the border between Santa Monica and Brentwood, the latter probably the most expensive neighborhood in Los Angeles. Police were called to the scene in force.

After blasting the L.A. Times for failing to report his delusions,
Kaus later weaseled, "just because the police don't respond doesn't mean nothing happened."

Urchins, if you stop by the Kaus condo this Oct. 31, be sure your toilet paper is recycled. And well-used.  

Grand Old Police Blotter: Heavily Intoxicated and Angry Edition

Who among us has not ridden around in stretch limo with our parents, heavily intoxicated, crashing parties. punching people and flipping people off?

Especially on Dad's special day.

Phony and Phonier

It's unanimous.  On this morning's Drunken Joe, Mark Halperin and Drunken Joe confirmed what Ron Phonier has already told us -- All the Democrats who Ron, Mark and the Drunk speak to privately hate President Obama.  (Or, as Mark calls them, all of "the elite Democrats").

Ron Phonier started it off with yet another column about his free-lunch pals:

A senator. A House member. A former presidential campaign manager. An adviser to President Obama. All Democrats, these officials [sic] have made it a habit to call or email me almost every week of Obama's second term to share their concerns about the course of his presidency.

They ask only that I don't identify them. Some fear retribution; others don't want to compromise their financial or political standing inside their party. These Democrats speak admirably about the president's intellect, integrity, and intentions, but they question his leadership—an admittedly squishy term that can be unfairly deployed against people with the guts to lead. But their critiques are specific, consistent and credible—and they comport with what many other Democrats are telling other journalists, almost always, privately.

If there's anyone whose views on leadership I'd want to know more about, it's those stalwart fellows who whine weekly to a wingnut but won't allow themselves to be named because it might cost them something.  

Phonier now claims that Leon Panetta is the face of the cowering sexters who dictate Phonier's column.  But Panetta has spoken publicly, on the record, without hiding behind the extra-wide Dockers of Republicans posing as journalists. Of course, there's always the probability that Phonier is hiding behind the facade of imagined Dems, since he knows his own opinions are completely worthless to sane people. Perhaps another look into Phonier's e-mail box is in order, for real journalism's sake.

The National Journal, Bloomberg News and MSNBC are now the moral and intellectual equivalent of the slam book.  Keep up the good slap fight, boys!

Wank and Wanker

Over at the Moonie Times (no link), this story was wrung out of a well-loved holy handkerchief and converted to pixels:

The producer of a new movie that criticizes Obamacare has reportedly become the latest prominent conservative slapped with an IRS audit.

Logan Clements, producer of “Sick and Sicker: ObamaCare Canadian Style,” announced via press release Tuesday that he is being audited for the first time ever. (Emphasis added.)

As the usual dolts, including Paul Tossingoff of Powerline and the Virgin Ben guzzle from the Moonie handerkerchief without question, informed individuals will note that the Dinesh D'D-bag wannabe actually released his magnum dopus in 2010, and wingnut websites were giving the video away in early 2012.  New it's not.

As for Clements' prominence, he Googles second to a U.Va. track athlete of the same name. Clements.  

It's as if these Powertools want to be lied to.

Note: Due to a publisher's error, this post was prepared on 10/8, but not published until 10/9.

The Assassination of the Truth By the Illiterate Mike Allen

So PoliticHo gladly paid WorldNutDaily hack Ron Kessler to write this:

Agents tell me it’s a miracle an assassination has not already occurred. Sadly, given Obama’s colossal lack of management judgment, that calamity may be the only catalyst that will reform the Secret Service.

Various people pointed out that this paragraph communicates the idea that Obama's lack of management judgment will be the cause of Obama's assassination, if it occurs. Having been caught in its own scumbaggery, PoliticHo rewrote Kessler to state:

Agents tell me it’s a miracle an assassination has not already occurred. In typical Washington fashion, nothing gets reformed until a disaster happens. If anything unites Republicans and Democrats, it is that nobody wants to see a tragedy: We all just want the Secret Service fixed.

The real offense here is not the PoliticHo/Kessler assassination fantasy, but PolitcHo's attempted cover up. After hiding the original statement, PoliticHo simpered:

Editor’s note: Some readers have misinterpreted the original last line of Kessler’s article as somehow suggesting that the president should be held responsible in the event of his own assassination. That couldn't be further from the truth, and we’re sorry if anyone interpreted Kessler’s meaning in any other way.

That note reflects everything wrong with PoliticHo -- dishonesty and subliteracy. Which "that" couldn't be further from the truth -- that readers misinterpreted the line or that the president would be responsible for his own killing? Unintentionally, this ass-covered editor is either agreed that the critics have it right or that Kessler has it wrong.  And why is PoliticHo sorry if anyone interpreted Kessler's meaning in any way other than "suggesting that the president should be held responsible" for his own killing?  Didn't they just deny that such was Kessler's meaning?

Surely if Kessler's meaning was other than that Obama deserved a fatal fate, PoliticHo wouldn't have replaced it with bipartisan mush entirely contrary to the original blame-laying sentence.

PoliticHo and Kessler are lying scumbags.  And it's a miracle PoliticHo's editor hasn't choked to death on his own drool.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Randian Hero 2014 Edition

Meet today's William Hickman/John Galt, the ubermensch who struck a blow for freedom in San Francisco:

An Uber driver is accused of seriously injuring a passenger by bashing him on the head with a hammer in San Francisco’s Bernal Heights neighborhood, authorities said Friday.

Patrick Karajah, 26, of Pacifica pleaded not guilty Thursday in San Francisco Superior Court to charges of assault with a deadly weapon and battery with serious bodily injury. He is free on $125,000 bail.

Karajah allegedly picked up the victim and his two friends from a bar at about 2 a.m. Tuesday. While driving the two men and one woman to their destination, he got into a dispute with the victim over the route he was taking, according to court documents.

Karajah, who was driving for the basic UberX service, stopped near the intersection of Ellsworth Street and Alemany Boulevard and forced the victim and his friends to get out, according to documents.

Once the victim was out of the vehicle, Karajah struck him on the side of his head with a hammer, and then drove away, authorities said.

When police arrived, they reportedly found the victim slipping in and out of consciousness on the sidewalk, suffering from severe fractures and trauma to the head. Karajah was later arrested at his home in Pacifica.

An Uber mouthpiece states that the company takes "reports like this very seriously," by which she means that Uber shysters are ready to shout "independent contractor, terms of service, user agreement" at the victim if he comes out of his coma. And to pay idiot bloggers to post most pro-Uber crap on their blogs.

Update (9/28): Fixed, as per comments.

#WhatEveryoneInWashingtonIsAfraidToSay

Chuck E. Todd sucking up to a slander site won't improve his credibility, even if he had any. #WhatEveryoneInWashingtonIsAfraidToSay

The Exact Moment Ross Douthat Lost the Pretense of the Fiction of Credibility

I’ve been mostly ignoring the various “Romney 2016!” trial balloons floated by various parties over the last six months or so (including by some of my dear friends, alas), but now that someone as sober and well-informed as Byron York

By the time he gets to citing Ben Domenech, he's just jerking the lily.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Dinesh D'Souza's America Edition

Megyn Kelly's pal Dinesh D'Souza got five years' probation and eight months in a halfway house for criminal violations of federal election laws. He also got exposed as a thug, according to his ex-wife, Dixie:

Contrary to the statement made in Mr. D'Souza's sentencing memorandum, it is my former husband who has an abusive nature. In one instance, it was my husband who physically abused me in April 2012 when he, using his purple belt karate skills, kicked me in the head and shoulder, knocking me to the ground and creating injuries that pain me to this day.

Mrs. D'Souza also charges her former husband with having their daughter submit a letter containing false statements to the court: 

Dinesh lied to me, he lied to the government, he encouraged others to lie for him, and now he has allowed our daughter to submit multiple false statements to a federal court in order to avoid punishment. Dinesh D'Souza is not a truthful person.

The only question that remains: Will the halfway house allow D'Souza to install a remote studio for his Fox News appearances?

Update:  The daughter's letter states that Dixie was "abusive" toward D'Bag and that Dixie "had an affair with multiple people [sic]."  She also claims that D'Bag "would die for me. In a way like Jesus did."  (No link because, although a public record, the Exhibits to the Sentencing Memorandum contains addresses and contact information for other persons.)

#WhatEveryoneInWashingtonIsAfraidToSay

Chuck Todd is a miserable failure who didn't deserve a show on basic cable, let alone a network news program  #WhatEveryoneInWashingtonIsAfraidToSay

This Is The NFL

If you thought NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell's Friday presser smelled faintly of dead squirrel, rubber cement and flop sweat, and that Rog himself had all the sincerity of Willard the Mitt making small talk with the help, this will not surprise you:

Roger Goodell was talking, but the words weren't his alone. "That speech was all Frank," says an associate of pollster Frank Luntz, lord of the dark arts of political messaging....  

As it happened, Luntz himself was watching the press conference, in his capacity as a Fox Sports 1 talking head (he moonlights as a Fox News commentator and analyst). Not long after the commissioner left the podium, Luntz gave his review.

"This," he puffered, "was language perfection."

...

And yet here was Luntz, wreathing Goodell's press conference in kudos and hosannas.  

"I'm supposed to be a professional," Luntz said on Fox Sports 1.  "I couldn't have done it as well as he did."

You are a professional, Frankie.  We're just haggling about the price.

Luntz is such conflicted whore that he and Howie Kurtz fight for the same street corner. 

Confidential to Ken Burns

George F. Will is not an expert on Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin D. Roosevelt or Eleanor Roosevelt.  He has nothing original or insightful to say about any of them.

Just becaue Will sucked up to you about your Civil War series doesn't mean you have to include him, or the deadwood from the Morning Joe/Meet the Press green room, in your doc.

Fifty Shades Of 9/11 Troof

At least they had the decency not to release Atlas Tugged III: Who The Fuck Is That Supposed to Be? Is That Billy Ray Cyrus? on September 11, 2014.  The only recognizable face in this jackknifed trailer is 9/11 Truther Ron Paul.

Red carpet infestivities here. Even Libertarian Fonzie can barely give a shit.

Thug Life

I'm beginning to sense a pattern:

George Zimmerman, who once shot dead an unarmed teen, threatened to kill another driver during a road rage incident in central Florida this week, police say.

“Do you know who I am?” the 30-year-old asked the unnamed complainant during the incident Tuesday in Lake Mary, Fla., the driver told cops.

The man called 911 again two days later to report that Zimmerman was waiting outside his work.

And this: 

The Palin family was asked to leave the party after Track Palin, 21, allegedly attacked another party guest who had previously dated his younger sister, Willow Palin, Thompson said. 

“I heard Sarah Palin yell do you know who I am?"

When will this thuggery end?

Grand Old Police Blotter: Punch Drunk Repugs Edition

Saturday night's all right for fightin'.

Sarah Palin and her family were at the center of a lively party last weekend that erupted into a fight, with daughter Bristol Palin allegedly throwing a right hook, a man who says he was a guest at the party told ABC News.

“She was punching him [another man] in the face like six times; it was an assault if I’ve ever seen one,” Eric Thompson said, adding that he was among 70 guests at the birthday party in Anchorage Saturday.

“It wasn’t a light punch either. She was really hitting him. I’m surprised he just sat there and took it.”

Political blogger Amanda Coyne reported that Sarah Palin, along with husband Todd and kids Bristol, Willow and Track, arrived in a stretch Hummer and that the fighting started as the beer started flowing.

The Sarah Palin Channel's first pay-per-view!

I look forward to the MRA outrage about this. Paging "Doctor" Helen. "Doctor" Helen Smith, white courtesy phone.

The Palin family was asked to leave the party after Track Palin, 21, allegedly attacked another party guest who had previously dated his younger sister, Willow Palin, Thompson said. 

“I heard Sarah Palin yell do you know who I am?"

"I coulda been somebody! Erick Erickson once gave me a mug!"

Anyone e-mailing the Anchorage Police Department incident report to your correspondent will receive a free lifetime subscription to this blog.

N.B. -- This blog has withheld snarky comment on these baked Alaskans pending an on the record statement from a percipient witness.  We aren't Jim Hoft.

The Teacher (And English Graduate) Who Admits - I'm Illiterate And Therefore Well-Qualified to Write About Education Policy For The Daily Mail

This piece of happy horseshit is the most fraudulent thing the Daily Mail has published in hours.

And none of the commenters even question the premise of the article.

(An example: This twit expects us to believe that she and the other teachers at her primary school had to rely on the "head" to correct spelling errors in the end of term reports that were sent to parents. In and after 2005. Were these reports prepared on computers without spell-check?  Did the head re-type entire reports? Did the head happily proofread hundreds of reports for spelling errors, without consequence to the teachers who wasted her or his time?  Ms. Smith makes Michelle Rhee sound credible.)

As one subliterate wingnut at John Hawkins' website puts it: "This is a scorching indictment of Liberalism that not only applies across the pond but also her in America." (sic, baby!)

If It's A Lie, It's Meet The Chuck

Chuck Todd plays pocket pool on the JV team #WhatPeopleInWashingtonAreAfraidToSay

From the official Sept. 7 Chuck the Meat transcript:

PRES. OBAMA:

I'm preparing the country to make sure that we deal with a threat from ISIL. Keep in mind that this is something that we know how to do. We've been dealing with terrorist threats for quite some time. This administration has systematically dismantled Al Qaeda in the FATA.

ISIL poses a broader threat because of its territorial ambitions in Iraq and Syria. But the good news is coming back from the most recent NATO meeting is the entire international community understands that this is something that has to be dealt with.
....

CHUCK TODD:

You've not said the word, "Syria," so far in our conversation. Obviously, if you're going to defeat ISIS, you have used very much stronger language [sic]. It's gone through the week during your trip to Wales. You have got to go to Syria in some form or another.

Of course, that's the transcript of the edited interview. According to this site, in the unedited interview the President said the word "Syria" four times before Chuck said he hadn't.

The only rational conclusion is that Chuck had that scripted gotcha ready to roll in honor of the late Fathead Tim, and wasn't going to let the facts get in his way. Obviously Chuck's video editor failed him and let a presidential mention of Syria see the light of day, exposing the lie. I remember that heads rolled at NBC News when a misleadingly edited version of a 911 call was shown on Peacock TV. I doubt that a goateed head with male pattern baldness will be bouncing 'cross the floors of NBC as a result of Chuckie's failed stunt. 

It's not good optics.

(And no, Chuckie's simpering post-clip statement -- "He had mentioned it, but he hadn't said whether he was taking military action there" --doesn't cut it. He played his assertion, even though false, but deleted Obama's multiple mentions of Syria to bamboozle the viewers. Chuckles didn't ask Obama whether he was going to take military action in Syria. Chuckles couldn't be more dishonest if he tried.)

#WhatEveryoneInWashingtonIsAfraidToSay

No one gives a shit about Joe Scarborough's idiot opinions #WhatEveryoneInWashingtonIsAfraidToSay

#WhatEveryoneInWashingtonIsAfraidToSay

"Big Russ and Me" was a steaming pile of horseshit #WhatEveryoneInWashingtonIsAfraidToSay