Sunday, March 06, 2011

The FOX News Primary + The George Fwill Primary = The Null Set

The only Republicans that George Fwill thinks can win the White House in 2012 are those who don't have contracts with FOX News. Fwill's parade of pontential potentates is down to five:

Let us not mince words. There are at most five plausible Republican presidents on the horizon - Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels, Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, former Utah governor and departing ambassador to China Jon Huntsman, former Massachusetts governor Romney and former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty.

Fwill must've woken up with a horse's teabag in his bed, because none of those five are Tea Party darlings. (Barbour might get the racist teabag vote, but he's a lobbyist too.) They're all present or former governors, have no significant foreign policy experience (except Huntsman), and they're all bland, middle to late age white men (like Fwill).

Fwill dismisses two other Republican governors, Newt and Huckabee, even though they're as experienced, pasty and insipid as Barbour. Ostensibly, Fwill doesn't like that they're birther/other conspiracy nuts. Apparently, he believes that this will keep them out of the White House. But who will win when Romney's the Republican nominee and the Teabaggers make Sharia Plain or John Bolton or Rick Santorum their third party candidate?

Fwill likes his Republican Party like he likes his luxury skyboxes, far from the riff-raff and paid for by someone else. His party can't win without appeasing the riff-raff and siphoning their money. But it will be nice to watch them try.

Update (3/7): Newt Gingrich was not a governor, as stated above. Fwill does dismiss half-governor Sharia Plain, who is a pasty and insipid, though not as experienced, as Fwill's faves. Fwill does not mention Gov. Christie, although it's not clear whether the omission is due to Christie's claim that he will run or just because Fwill hates fatties.

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