Monday, November 29, 2004

The Wide World Of Putz

My lack of knowledge of professional basketball is rivaled only by my lack of interest in the sport. So I've had nothing worth saying about the Pistons-Pacers fracas until Howie "the Putz" Kurtz began spouting off some foul lines on the subject.

Let's go to the idiotape:

KURTZ: Mike Wise, I happened to be watching the game and was as stunned as everyone else. But if you look at recent years -- Latrell Sprewell chokes his coach, comes back, he's treated like a star. Jayson Williams shoots a limo driver, he's acquitted, he's treated like a star. Kobe beats the rape rap. He's now back to stardom.

Jayson Williams treated like a star? He doesn't have a friggin' contract.

And Williams (who was acquitted of aggravated manslaughter and aggravated assault but will be retried on a count of reckless manslaughter) asserts that the gun discharged accidentally. He's never been found criminally responsible for the man's death. Tell us, Howie, how should Williams be treated? Like accidental killer Laura Bush or accidental shooter Bob Barr?

Howie says Kobe Bryant "beat the rap." Do you have some inside information of Bryant's criminal culpability you'd care to share, Howie?

Haven't the media failed to blow the whistle on some of these thug players?

I seem to have missed the Reliable Sources blowings on Frank Francisco and Todd Berzutti. Or, as Howie would call them, "Who?"

KURTZ: But he is a professional athlete making $6 million a year. It's very different for him to go into the stands than for you and I to get into a street fight.

Less slapping, would be my guess.

KURTZ: Drew Sharp making the point that professional athletes have heard yes their whole life, because they're favorite people, and so it's easy for them to blame everyone else.

Let's pull the camera back a bit, Mike Wise. The tattoos, the fights, the drug busts, the occasional instances of domestic violence. Are the media helping the NBA market this as a kind of an in-your-face, hip-hop sport?

Ah, domestic violence. Where was Howie's outrage when Arnold Schwarzenegger hired a media consultant who was accused of spousal abuse by both of his ex-wives, testifying under oath? Is Howie more concerned about alleged thugs who are hip-hop athletes than those who are G.O.P. operatives?

You make the call.

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