The press of business will keep me away from blogging for the next ten days or so.

See you in June.

Please support the fine bloggers listed to your right in the meanwhile.

I'm thinking of writing a book called The Hundred Suckiest Americans and How They Blow Elephant Balls. That's just a working title.

In it, I would share some of my uncommon sense about the things that have made this country great -- and the culprits who are screwing it up. But, really, it would just be an excuse to slap together some stale stories about people I don't like and claim that these stories proved these people hate good people like you, my loyal readers. I probably wouldn't even write it myself. I could just come up with a list of names and have my publisher hire some english major to slap something together filing 320 pages with extra-wide margins. Like Michelle Malkin, I wouldn't check to see whether anything I wrote was true. I'd have my publisher start pimping the book before "I" even wrote it.

I'm sure my book would become the voice of all those Americans who feel that no one is speaking for them on perhaps the most vital issue of all: the kind of country in which we want to live.

Chapter one will feature a man who would do or say anything for another 15 minutes on Hardball.

The Criminal On The Cross

James Watt nails himself to a cross, then TBogg yanks Watt down, slaps him around and makes him do it again, the right way.

And he nails the non-homosexual Hindlicker, friend to criminals, too.

Roger's Film Notes

Now here's an "Episode Three" I'm really looking forward to:

"Left Behind: World War III," scheduled for release later this year, is based on the last part of the book "Tribulation Force" by LaHaye and Jenkins. It picks up a year and a half after millions of people have vanished off the face of the earth, and the world is now controlled by Nicolae Carpathia (Gordon Currie), a self-proclaimed Messiah, and his One World Government. Like most of America, the president of the United States, as played by Louis Gossett Jr., wholeheartedly supports Nicolae’s global leadership. But after an attempt on his life, the president begins to suspect this new world order.

Journalist Buck Williams (Kirk Cameron from "Growing Pains" fame, reprising his earlier Left Behind role), who became a born-again Christian toward the end of the first film, believes that Nicolae is actually the prophesied Antichrist. With the aid of Buck and militia spy Carolyn Miller (Jessica Steen), the president uncovers this new government's horrific plans for genocide and quickly joins the very resistance he had sacrificed so much to destroy.

The producers of the film, the LaLonde brothers, say they got some financing from Sony Pictures, so the film will be more polished than the previous two installments in the series, and that Kirk Cameron has grown into the role of "Journalist Buck Williams," the man who brings the President of the United States to faith. (As opposed to Old Grandad, the man who brought George Bush to faith.)

But shouldn't that be "Blogger Buck Williams," since bloggers are the new, less incompetent journalists?

Actually, the most interesting bit of the story is that those chumps Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins -- if you can call men who made multi-millions from poorly written books "chumps" -- sold the movie rights before they realized the books would be so popular. LaHaye and Jenkins sued the production company on a breach of contract theory to get their rights back ("Use the courts, Tim. Use the courts"):

Among other charges, the creators of the books, which are inspired by biblical prophecies, were dissatisfied with the distribution techniques Cloud Ten was utilizing.

And they got their asses handed to them, presumably by men in black robes who are out to destroy people of faith. LaHaye and Jenkins will have to settle for getting the LaLondes kicked off the Rapture invite list.

(Thanks to cinophile "mw" for the link.)

My Thoughts On Revenge of the Sith

Don't have any.

Not going to see it.

Don't really care.

Verdict's In!

The jury has spoken in the Dasen trial. It looks like Dasen was acquitted on the most serious charge, rape, which presumably involved statutory rape of a minor. He was convicted of sexual abuse of a minor, and four out of nine counts of prostitution.

Here's how the AP reports it:

Dasen, 62, was found guilty of promotion of prostitution, sexual abuse of children for taking pornographic photographs and four counts of prostitution, the first being a misdemeanor.

Jurors acquitted him of rape, aggravated promotion of prostitution involving a minor and five counts of prostitution. One count of prostitution was dropped during the four-week trial.

Dasen's family cried as the verdicts were read.

District Judge Stewart Stadler ordered Dasen taken into custody and set his sentencing for July 18. Dasen had been free on bail while awaiting trial.

The Daily Interlake reports that he faces up to $71,000 (the cost of approximately fifty to seventy "Dasen-dates") and 126 years in prison (the lifetimes of approximately seven to eight Dasen-dates).

All in all it seems like a reasonable verdict.

el-Brent's Cartoon Watch

In his latest column, L. Brent Bozell excoriates Michelle Malkin for publishing a book chock full o' falsehoods and reckless, unresearched smears.

Okay, actually, he writes about supposed religious bigotry in cartoons shown on the FOX Network and elsewhere. Shockingly, The Simpsons portrayed "Homer and Bart join[ing] everyone else in Catholic heaven doing the Riverdance." And a bunch of cartoons made Mel Gibson/Nazi jokes, even though Mel is the fourth member of the Trinity. Why do cartoons hate America's God?

Braveheart Bunnypants

Bush is going to Scotland for the G-8 in June.

Maybe he can return the fire of Scotsman George Galloway and give some kilt-raising testimony about the War on Iraq before the Scottish Parliament.

The Dick Dasen Trial: Who Would Jesus Do?

Dick Dasen realized there were limits to Christian Charity. Rule No. 1: No Fat Chicks:

Most of the women came to him through his Christian Financial Counseling business, telling heartache stories of homelessness and abject poverty.

One woman who testified Wednesday, Kristen Anderson, said she also went to Dasen with her situation. She was a single mother, living in a camper trailer with her children, credit cards and medical bills pressing on them. She didn't match the physical profile of the other women whom Dasen helped and she found no help from him.

"He told me that my problem was that I wasn't married. There was nothing he could do for me," she testified.

"I've wronged a community I've loved for 35 years," said Dick. "'Cept of course those lyin' hos ... I mean, girlfriends, and when I say 'girl,' I mean adult womenfriends with two forms of i.d., who I was helping for purely altrustic reasons."

Dasen's fate is now in the hands of twelve Montanans.

Meet Your Liberal Media: Voice of The Common Man Edition

Further proof of Communist infiltration of the the fourth estate:

HELENA -- A University of Montana dean has been directed to apologize for releasing a letter from a media foundation that said it would not give money for a new journalism building until Montana attitudes about nonresident landowners improved.

UM President George Dennison confirmed Wednesday that he instructed Dean of Journalism Jerry Brown to apologize to James C. Kennedy, chairman of the Atlanta-based media company Cox Enterprises Inc. and vice president of the James M. Cox, Jr. Foundation.

...

"Many Montana residents are making it known that they are not happy with nonresident landowners in their state," the Cox foundation letter said. "In addition, stream and river access issues are also being raised. Until these issues are resolved and our presence in the state is more appreciated, we have decided not to make any further contributions in Montana."

The letter was signed by a secretary but expressed the views of Kennedy, whose Montana property includes land along the Ruby River, a prized trout stream where public access to the water is controversial. Kennedy later said a donation to the university was denied chiefly because Cox does not have businesses in the state.

Little Mickey

Mini-blogger Mickey Kaus praises the Bush Administration for its "gutsy move" in arresting a Cuban terror suspect accused of blowing up an airplane and its 73 occupants. Only a lazy-ass mofo like Kaus would consider doing your job a gutsy move. Particularly after the scumbag in quo bragged that U.S. officials weren't interested in him.

The line distinguishing Mickey Kaus from James Guckert continues to blur.

In a separate post, Kaus divulges his fantasy about Maureen Dowd's balls.

And while he bitches about the NYT's plan to charge $50 a year for online access to the Times' op-ed columnists, Kaus happily pays $49.95 to become a Rush Limbaugh 24/7 Dildohead.

Is there anyone who's not a crackhead or Michelle Malkin who thinks Kaus isn't a rabid Republican?

James Wolcott says the NRO rectal thermometer was between $20,000 and $25,000 when it disappeared.

Once again I have underestimated the stupidity of the American public.

The Dick Dasen Trial: Big Dick Swings For The Fences

What's the all-time favorite staple on those trial-watching "news" programs? Even more popular than the perennial "polygraphs are not admissible" shouting match? That's right, it's "should the defense attorney let his or her client take the stand" debate. It's cliche Nirvana.

And we've got our own home version of the game right here, because Multi-Millon Dollar Dick has decided to take the stand.

Turns out Dick's quite the ladies' man.

Prosecuting Deputy County Attorney Dan Guzynski wondered at the fact that so many women would spontaneously decide they wanted to have sex with Dasen, many within minutes of meeting him to discuss their financial problems.

"Why are they interested in you?" Guzynski asked.

"Because I had money," Dasen said. And, "I was under the impression that they wanted to have sex with me."

He said he let himself believe that he was known as "some sort of extraordinary lover."

After sexual encounters with the women, "I was flattered when I left, in almost every case. I was shocked to hear the things they're saying now," Dasen said.

And here's some snappy dialogue for Dick Wolf to steal:

Dasen testified that the girls lied to him about their age. Guzynski asked why, instead of taking the word of young-looking girls, Dasen didn't ask for identification to prove they were of legal age. One of the girls had no ID, Dasen said. Then Guzynski turned it around.

"Do you think there's a problem when you're 60 years old and have to ask the girls you're having sex with for ID?"

Dasen let his softer side show through:

A 16-year-old girl convincingly told him that she was 19 and gave him a fake name, Dasen said. When he found out her true age, "I couldn't sleep for two days," he testified, through tears.

And then there's this long-stare-then-cut-to-the-verdict moment:

Guzynski questioned Best's characterization of Dasen as an old man who "can't say no" who had been duped, broken, and beaten by girls as young as 15. "You had no trouble standing up to me," Guzynski remarked.

"I can stand up to anybody," Dasen replied.

D'oh!

This may explain the snappy pace of the defense case:

Once so wealthy he reportedly doled out as much as $200,000 to one woman, Dasen now faces several lawsuits and the same financial worries he said he had tried to protect others from.

"I'm insolvent, broke," he said.

Dick's been drained.

Antagonistic and Reckless Reporting

Dismayed and outraged over antagonistic and reckless reporting? Then you should be repulsed by the reporting of Michelle Malkin.

For the sake of accuracy, I'll let Michelle describe her own reckless conduct:

"On page 123 of my book, In Defense of Internment, I wrote that Aiko Herzig-Yoshinaga, a research associate for the Commission on Wartime Relocation and Internment of Civilians, "surreptitiously shared confidential documents with" attorney and now-retired law professor Peter Irons. In subsequent comments on my blog, I stated that Irons had been explicitly denied permission to copy the documents and had engaged in similar activities before. It has come to my attention that these statements are in error."

Hmm... that sounds pretty antagonistic and reckless ... but I'm sure Malkin wouldn't print something like that without contacting her targets directly.

"I did not contact Herzig-Yoshinaga or Irons directly."

Oh.

Well, but I'm sure Malkin wouldn't repeat the assertion after she was informed it was false.

"August 25, 2004:

As I noted, these records, however, had not been cleared for public use, and Iron's request to copy them had been explicitly denied. By the way, this was not the only time Irons engaged in these sort of shenanigans."

Tell us more about those other times Mr. Irons engaged in that sort of shenanigans, Michelle:

"I apologize to Irons and Herzig-Yoshinaga for the errors."

BONUS FUN FOR ARMCHAIR ETHICISTS

Compare Michelle Malkin's false reporting to the work of 60 Minutes II.

Compare Michelle Malkin's antagonistic and reckless reporting to the work of the "MSM" on the Larry Franklin case

Compare Michelle Malkin's failure to directly contact the subjects of her book to the recent actions of Spikey Isikoff.

Compare Michelle Malkin's abject apology for her false statements to this L.A. Times editorial. Well, that one's a stretch, I guess.

Will Michelle Malkin's apology for her false claims be a tipping point for her publisher, Regnery?

I'm sure Michelle wants as many people as possible to read her apology. Share the link.

(Link via Atrios)

The Dick Dasen Trial - Yes, It's Still Going On

The prosecution has rested in the Dick Dasen trial after presenting a witness who testifed that Dasen cut over $3 million in checks for sexual encounters. Which makes sex with Dick Dasen the fifth-largest source of revenue in Montana's economy.

The defense case presents Dick as a man who can't say no. First up, Dasen's wife:

Attorney George Best began Dasen's defense by calling Susan Dasen to testify on her husband's behalf.

"He's a man that can't say 'no,' " she said, to people's pleas for monetary help or for him to serve on the boards of a charitable organizations.

Susan Dasen said she hadn't known about her husband's extramarital affairs. The couple have been married for 43 years and plan to stay married, she said.

Earlier, the prosecution showed a videotape on which Dasen said:

"My wife spends winters in Arizona, and frankly, I like sex... They started coming to me for help, a long time ago, and it evolved into this sex thing."

Who says long-distance relationships don't work?

The defense followed Mrs. Dasen with a parade of witnesses who testified that Dasen gave them money but never bedded them. One witness, who worked at a Dasen hotel, recieved loans from Dasen for car and furnace repairs, and repaid the loans. Dasen's (male) business associates also testified Dasen never screwed them.

The Honorable Member from Bethnal Green and Bow speaks his piece to Senator Goodteeth.

Who Are You?

You're a drink-soaked former-Trotskyist popinjay. Your hands are shaking. You badly need another drink.

Update: The answer is here.

Exactly How Short? Mickey Kaus Short?

Apparently even NRO readers know the true value of The Corner:

Many thanks to all of you who so generously supported our fundraising effort. We fell a bit short of our goal, but with your continued support and encouragement we will strive to improve and expand and to move ahead with our plans to fulfill our goals and justify your faith in us. I also want to thank those who didn't have the opportunity to contribute but support us by continuing to visit NRO. Traffic is especially important in our never-ending quest to attract advertisers. Again, thank you all. Everyone at NR and NRO is grateful.

Just how short? Last time I checked, the NRO fundraiser thermometer was at $13,000.00 out of an expected $100K. Now it's disappeared. I guess no one wanted it back after they found out exactly how John Derbyshire used it to "take his temperature."

Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Times will start paying people $49.95 a year to read David Gelernter, Max Boot and Margaret Carlson.

I, Pod

John Podhoretz, half-wit:

"Following up on the Nightline post below, check out today's New York Times, which rehearses every unsubstantiated charge made against American interrogators at Gitmo while telling the story of Newsweek's retraction: 'In fact, complaints from released inmates that the Koran had been thrown into a toilet go back at least two years.'

"Gee. Allegations that Jews put the blood of Christian children into Passover matzah go back at least eight centuries. Clearly, then, according to the logic of the Times, Jews are to blame for the blood libel."

That's some mighty fine logicin', John Boy. Any allegation that has been made over a period of time shouldn't be reported (or quoted), even as an allegation, because repeating that allegation means you accept the truth of the blood libel. Michael Jackson's been accused of diddlin' kids over the last ten years, you say? Why do you hate the Jews? Prisoners claim they were beaten at Abu Ghraib but they don't have photos, you say? How come you're not sporting your "I Heart The Holocaust" t-shirt, you anti-semite?

I'm sure the next time someone publishes an unsubstantiated charge against, say, George Galloway or Hillary Clinton in the pages of NRO, Midgette will squeal "blood libel!!!!" just as loudly.