Don't Believe The Stovepipe

From "500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent" to "The C.I.A. tempted me, and I did eat":

The Central Intelligence Agency was told by relatives of Iraqi scientists before the war that Baghdad's programs to develop unconventional weapons had been abandoned, but the C.I.A. failed to give that information to President Bush, even as he publicly warned of the threat posed by Saddam Hussein's illicit weapons, according to government officials.

And the Adminstration was begging the Company for such information, right?

It's like blaming Barney for Karl Rove's flatuence.

Pull the other one.

I'm taking bets on when Private Sully will castigate Tony Blankley for this little "witch-hunt" in the Moonie Times.

Sorry, but "never" is already taken.

Update (7/5): Independence Day: The Day We Forget How To Link. (link now fixed)

Column Review: Daniel Okrent Lies About Income Taxes

"The other two complaints about Kakutani's review -- failure to mention criticism of The Times and reference to real estate lies -- would be absolutely appropriate to a news story. But critics exist to have opinions. Short of committing factual inaccuracy, libel or other major sins, they are free -- must be free -- to say what they wish. To my knowledge the R.T.C. and the O.I.C. never concluded that one or the other Clinton did not lie; the two offices found that they had committed no offenses that justified prosecution or taken any actions that would subject them to civil penalties. Thankfully, in the United States justice system, the threshold for establishing criminal behavior or a civil liability is much higher than the threshold for your opinion, my opinion or Michiko Kakutani's opinion."

So, Jokerent. Why don'tcha tell us what lies that President Clinton told about real estate?

Update (7/5): Link added. Thanks, Seb!

There's No Trials Like Show Trials

Over at CNN, they're worried Saddam's trial won't have a cliffhanger ending that will leave you on the edge of the seat....with a surprise reverse twist that you'll NEVER see coming! One of the weekend anchors was fretting that Saddam is so guilty his trial will be percieved as a show trial.

More serious people realize that the trials of the deposed Iraqi leadership will raise a lot of interesting legal questions, beyond the capacity of the usual lightweights who shout about polygraph tests. (They're not admissible, it seems.)

If anyone has a recommendation for a good book on war crimes trials, please leave it in comments. The only qualifications: No eighty-dollar international law textbooks, and no David Irving.

Found Comedy

"The Times is edited by Wesley Pruden, a respected journalist."

Is there anyone, anywhere, not a recipient of Moon largese, who thinks that Wesley Pruden is a respected journalist?

Or respected?

Or a journalist?

(Thanks to mw)

Krazy In Florida

Krazy Kounsellor Klayman, now a Krackpot Kongressional Kandidate in Florida, is traveling with what he hopes will be a kampaign kash kow. Said cow is also a reminder of one of Klayman's many legal failures:

"We think she'll be a big draw," said David E. Johnson, Klayman's spokesman. "She's become a born-again Christian, and Larry has a strong appeal to the Christian conservatives. But more importantly, people know Larry Klayman as someone who sued the Clintons, and [her appearances] capitalizes on what he did in his fight against the Clintons."

With Klayman acting as her attorney in 2003, Flowers sued Hillary Rodham Clinton, George Stephanopoulos, James Carville and other Clinton associates, claiming that they orchestrated a campaign to discredit her.

The lawsuit was dismissed by a federal judge earlier this year.

Klayman also has hired Donato Dalrymple to clean the campaign bus.

Seems like Gennifer found Jesus just about the same time Hef stopped taking her calls.

Filth Factor

I'm curious if anyone is deprived of my brilliant insights while at work because of my frequent and unnecessary use of profanity.

I guess if people can only access the 'net at work, they'll never see this. Is anyone who reads at home unable to get this site at work? (Due to filtering software, not fear of humiliation in front of co-workers?)

Lying in Pools of Pis(tof)

Bob Somerby has a eviscerating critique of Pistof Kristof's "Liar" column.

For those who thought that mine sucked.

You know who you are.

Bob also makes this point for those who haven't the patience, or cabbage, for Bush at War:

Pathetic! Like other good boys did a few months ago, Kristof regurgitates these mandatory Bush-friendly scenes -- scenes which actually made little sense in Woodward's book, for reasons we explained in some detail (for example, see THE DAILY HOWLER, 4/26/04). Meanwhile, he also knows which scenes to omit; he fails to cite the earlier, lengthy passages where Woodward explicitly says that Bush and Cheney began grossly overstating the WMD intel in August 2002 (see THE DAILY HOWLER, 4/28/04). Has Kristof actually read Woodward's book? Or did he just read his cohort's abridgments -- abridgments which featured the pleasing scenes he dumps on us again? We don't have the slightest idea. But Kristof's knowledge of this book is on the Weekly Reader level. He knows the book's Official Bites. Robotic, he types them again.

Rock on, Bob!

Shaving Ryan's Privacy

Sully Joe, fresh from hallucinating about video footage from Abu Ghraib, follows up with this:

Every editor who breaks a story like this should be asked in public exactly the kind of intimate questions Ryan was faced with. What do you like to do in bed? What's the wildest sexual fantasy you have? When did you last have sex with your spouse? Let's see if they like it when the witch-hunt is turned on them.

Uh, I don't believe anyone asked Ryan any of these questions. Rather, the press sought to unseal public court records. The questions asked, which pertained to the allegations found in the records, were more the equivalent of: What do you like to do on a mattress in a swingers' club, with strangers watching? What's the wildest sexual fantasy you demanded that your wife act out in public? When did you last try to have sex with your wife in an avant-garde nightclub?

Anyway.

Sully is an editor, at least nominally.

And he wrote stories revealing the alleged intimate interests of the publicity shy.

So who's gonna ask Sully?

I don't have the stomach.

Sister Christian

I missed this, but S.Z. at World O' Crap caught it.

Peggy Noonan, devout Catholic, sanctimonious virtuecrat and woman who pretends to be offended by all forms of incivility, vulgarity and bigotry:

"Now I think people who put flowers all over the place are the only geniuses. They know flowers are an unasked-for and essentially unearned bit of beauty given to us perhaps to suggest other, greater beauty to come. They're in Einstein-land, gardeners, and thinking of eternity. And I thought they were just retards with spades. Anyway, flower people are generous. They make everything look prettier, at no charge and for your enjoyment, even though they've never met you. So here's to flower power, and thank you, London from this American traveler." (Emphasis added.)

It appears that retard -- as a noun, and as an insult -- is one of Peggy's favorite words. See also here. Such an eloquent, gifted and compassionate woman.

AWOL's That Ends AWOL

Good news for the American troops and the troops of our "coalition partners." Peg Noonan says you can all go home now:

Leaving early, and with such modesty--it was a pleasure to be here, let us know if there's anything we can do--tends to undermine charges of U.S. imperialism.

If Peg's Bucket of Guts in the White House can disappear without finishing his duty, then you and your comrades can leave early too.

Mission accomplished.

Peg also says that the unwashed masses love ol' their unelected leader, even though they're really friggin' morons:

Here is my fear: that the American people, liking and respecting President Bush, and knowing he's a straight shooter with guts, will still feel a great temptation to turn to the boring and disingenuous John Kerry. He'll never do anything exciting. He doesn't have the guts to be exciting. And as he doesn't stand for anything, he won't have to take hard stands. He'll do things like go to France and talk French and they'll love it. He'll say he's the man who accompanied Teresa Heinz to Paris, only this time he'll say it in French and perfectly accented and they'll all go "ooh la la!"

Yes, the American people love and respect Bush and his guts -- so much that if boring Senator Kerry says something in a language almost none of them understand, they will all vote for Kerry.

But do the American people respect Bush, and think he's a straight shooter? Survey says: No:

In the Post/ABC News poll, only 39 percent rated Bush the more "honest and trustworthy" presidential candidate, while 52 percent named presumptive Democratic nominee John Kerry as more honest and trustworthy.

Emphatically, no.

Finally, note that Bush has no advantage at all on "he will be a strong leader for the country" (44 percent to 44 percent) and only a one point advantage on "he has the honesty and integrity to serve as president" (41 percent to 40 percent). For a president whose stock in trade used to be the strong leader who told it like it was, that's not very encouraging news.

Maybe Peg has been unable to refill her lithum through the NHS.

Roger's Cheap Shot Corner

Ok, after much sensitive deliberation and mental hand-wringing, I'm going to post this anyway. This is likely wrong on many levels, and probably not that funny, but it still amuses me:

pre-op or post-op?

(Note: not an explicit picture.)

Charles Fucking Krauthammer

Charles Krauthammer confesses his love of the F-word. Here are some examples of how he uses it in conversation:

"I'm a fucking dishonest hack."

"What kind of lowlife motherfucker would deliberately misquote someone as part of a smear campaign? Me."

"Diagnosing Democrats with mental diseases based on my dislike of their political views is the most unethical fucking thing a psychiatrist can do. And I'm just the unethical fucker for the job."

"I'd fuck over my mother, my wife and my children to please Dick Cheney."

Happy Birthday, SullyWatch

This week marks the second anniversary of SullyWatch. As Pee-Town Plod becomes more of an irrelevant self-parody, the pasty, unappealing and ill-lit butt of his own joke, SullyWatch continues to douse the dying embers of Sully's credibility. And it's always a pleasure to read.

Thanks, SullyWatch!

The Messiah ConPlex

The Moonie Times spins, nay, orbits, around the Moon:

In his speech, Rev. Moon proclaimed himself to be "humanity's Savior, Messiah, Returning Lord and True Parent."

Archbishop Stallings offered his explanation of those remarks yesterday.

"He does not mean 'Messiah' in the context that a traditional Christian means Messiah," he said. "He is not God. He is the Messiah, namely, the one who has been given the mission by Jesus to bring the world to restoration, to return it to God's original ideals for men and women."

In other words: I don't call myself the Messiah, Jesus Christ calls me the Messiah. But not in a Christian sense.

Holy smoke up your ass! Wes Pruden won't know who to pray to anymore.

Abu Ghraib: Bigger, Longer, Uncut and Imaginary

Remember when the news shows ran film and videotape footage of the prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib? Me, neither.

But Sully remembers things differently:

"Oh, they'll find out details of people's sex lives and sue to publish and broadcast them, and they'll show endless footage of Abu Ghraib abuses."

Endless? Footage? Oh, they didn't even start. It was still photos.

If you're going to exaggerate about length, Sully, do it in a personal ad.

NEWSTWEAK Doesn't Regret That Its Reporter Is A Lying Sack

Craig Unger delivers a fatal blow to Spikey Isikoff, the son Lucianne Goldberg never had. Unger writes:

Michael Isikoff attacks Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11" by asserting that "Craig Unger appears, claiming that bin Laden family members were never interviewed by the FBI." The article then goes on to say that this assertion is false. Unfortunately for Isikoff, I make no such statement in the movie....

It would be one thing if Isikoff had simply made an honest error, but clearly that is not the case. When Isikoff called me for his article, I specifically told him that the evacuation process involved brief interviews of the bin Ladens which fell far short of the kind of intense criminal investigation that should have gotten underway after the murder of nearly 3,000 people. The worst crime in American history had just taken place two days earlier, and the FBI did not even bother to check the terror watch lists! Isikoff omitted all that. Instead, he attributes claims to me that are simply not in the movie.

And Newstweak offers this simpering response:

NEWSWEEK regrets that we did not include Michael Moore's reference to "little interviews" in our report.

NEWSTWEAK doesn't regret that Spikey made up a quote and attributed it to Unger.

NEWSTWEAK: Good Enough When The Truth Doesn't Matter.

Pistof: Bush Good, Liberals Bad

Self-loving twit Nick "Pistof" Kristof takes a break from his round-the-world crusade to purchase child prostitutes to lecture those nasty liberals who are "polarizing the political cesspool." (Oh, for those halcyon days of the non-polarized political cesspool!)

You see, it turns out that Bush wasn't lying about weapons of mass destruction because Bob Woodward quoted Bush as saying so. Bush wouldn't lie about whether he would lie, because that would make him a liar, and he's not that.

Sure, Bush does stretch the truth and exaggerate, but those aren't lies when Bush says them. And besides, the lies were only about a war with Iraq.

And look how hard Bush tried not to lie about his use of illegal drugs.

Further, Bush says things that aren't true all the time. But he's confused, delusional and inarticulate, so those aren't lies.

And he surrounds himself with liars, and they all tell lies to each other and deceive the public. But that doesn't make him a liar.

In summary: Bush is an illegal drug-using, dimwitted, dishonest, self-deluded zealot who got us into "a mess," that is, an unnecessary war which has caused thousands of deaths. Therefore, liberals are bad.

(Thanks to Trent for the link.)

The Infiniti And The Balsam Poplar

The bad news? Another worthless book. The good news? Maybe they're grooming a replacement for Brooks or MoDo. Or both.

Sounds About Right To Me

Very apt description:

"[H]unched, man, the corruption has completely hunched and gnarled him. His mouth is pulled totally over on one side of his face."

(Link via AMERICAblog)