Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Unborn, Like The Undead, May Always Be With Us (Updated)

I was winning an argument about economic policy with a guy from Tennessee* on July Fourth. So, he got desperate and tried to change the subject to one not so dependent on facts by asking, "What do you think about 'The Unborn'?"

I replied, "What do you mean, 'The Unborn'? Is that like 'The Undead'?"

Needless to say, he wasn't very pleased. But it did get me thinking about The Unborn and The Undead and not just because goo is often involved in both. They have much in common:

  • Both are catch-all terms for groups which have a lot of variety -- The Unborn range from a just-fertilized egg to a 36 week-old fetus able to live outside the womb. The Undead range from vampires through mummies to zombies. Now that is quite the variety since I have it on good authority that zombies just love sunlight while sunlight turns vampires to dust.

  • Both are scary -- The Unborn are scary if you don't want to be a parent and are pregnant or if you do want to be a parent and something goes wrong or you do want to be a parent but you don't know if you can handle it... and The Undead, of course, are scary because they want to tear us limb from limb, drink our blood and/or eat our brains.

  • Both have had movies made about them.

  • Both can be invisible -- Have you ever seen The Undead in real life? Of course not. And if you said yes, it was just some kid dressed up as a zombie on Halloween. Similarly, The Unborn can be very, very small -- about a tenth of the size of the period at the end of this sentence. [Heh. 'Period'. Get it?]

  • Both are tricky -- Does the vampire warn you before she bites you? No! Do you even know if one of The Unborn in fertilized egg form is floating around in you unless it implants and you start getting symptoms? Of course not!

  • Both are relentless -- The Undead will not give up at all. Think about the zombie films you've seen where The Undead just keep coming back in their ferocious search for brains. Think of Nosferatu unable to resist his craving for blood. That is just like a pregnancy. The Unborn will do what it takes to become The Born because they are programmed for survival. Well, unless there is a lethal defect so embryo doesn't implant correctly or develop properly. Or the mother's health and nutrition won't support a pregnancy. Or... well, we all know that not every pregnancy ends happily. [Warning: one of the following links freaked out D. Sidhe, who will never have sex again] And those molar pregnancies are some some scary stuff -- just like zombies.

  • Both The Unborn and The Undead are vulnerable to flames, stakes and/or electrocution.
Finally, although both are funny looking and have dedicated fan base, neither 'The Unborn' nor 'The Undead' is an conclusive description of human beings. 'The Unborn' is just another inaccurate label and I rightly wiped the floor with that Tennessee guy's butt* when he tried to get all sanctimonious on me.

* not hard to do since he started the whole debate by saying, "I come from one of the richest states in the country!" (look at the state tenth from the bottom)

Update: Thanks to commenter Geezer, I now realize I've been channeling B-film maker Roger Corman for this article. The proof is here and here. Direct all comments to Roger Roger's estate. No, not that Roger! Roger Corman!

Contact Sporty: theskewer(at)[the extremely warm]

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