A story about Mickey Kaus's own FLDS-style cult... but with a happy ending.

Hack, Sack and Crack

I've been lax in my Kaus bashing lately, and not just because I can't get his shitty page to load properly (a problem I don't have with other parts of Slate). But let me endorse this well-executed whack at the hairless hack:

Of course, Mickey never bothers to actually address Elizabeth's argument. Because this is something he almost never does. There's no evidence of intellectual heavy lifting on his blog, ever, about anything. He constantly makes smug assumptions that he assumes his readers must share, almost never offering up any supporting details. For instance, whenever he writes about unions, he decries union "work rules" that allegedly hamper productivity. But he seems unaware that the best research shows that unionized firms on average are more productive than their nonunionized counterparts, not less.

...

Kaus's nasty smears concerning the love child story are especially rich given that just last week, he blasted Joe Conason for Joe's "sleazy" 1992 reporting on George H.W. Bush's alleged extramarital adventures. And Kaus has the balls to bitch about Elizabeth's "chutzpah?"

...

I'm an inveterate matchmaker, and a brilliant idea just occurred to me: how about pairing up perennial bachelor Mickey Kaus with perennial bachelorette Maureen Dowd? Their dinner conversations would be scintillating, I'm sure. Maureen and Mickey can take turns -- first she can talk about Bill Clinton's cock and then he can talk about John Edwards' cock. They can break it up occasionally by talking about how Hillary Clinton is a ball-busting bitch and Barack Obama is an effete latte-sipping snob.

My first thought was, "but what if they mate?" And then I thought, "It's Mickey Kaus."

Secret Squirrels

Mr. Heriot wanted to make it clear that the problem wasn't his lack of faith in the ancient mysteries. "To all who have been inspired by 'The Secret,'" he said in a prepared statement sent by e-mail through his law firm, "please know that I am not suing the universal principles of 'The Secret.' Rather, I am suing the corporate principals behind 'The Secret,' who promised at the outset that profits would be shared, and who have not kept faith with 'The Secret''s tenets of gratitude and integrity."

Karina Carretero, a spokeswoman for TS Production L.L.C., the company Ms. Byrne and Robert E. Rainone Jr., an investor, had registered in Hungary, said the organization would not comment for this article. "'The Secret' chooses not to participate in media interviews," she said in an e-mail message.

The secret is ... the world is full of morons.

The Common Touch

Open The New York Times to the table of contents (pages 2 and 3) and you'll probably see a border of advertisements like the recent one featuring several different makes of watches, all selling for more than $3,500 a piece. But that doesn't mean its reporters haven't read the Grapes of Wrath and The Jungle and Jackie Collins' The Bitch:

Mrs. Clinton has spent her whole life climbing the ladders of education, wealth and power. Now, as part of her effort to hold off Senator Barack Obama and claim the Democratic presidential nomination, she is climbing back down them, sounding less like a Wellesley alumna than Roseanne Barr's old sitcom character, the den mother of her factory floor.

...

At a union hall in garbage-strewn Gary, Mrs. Clinton began her early-evening speech looking wan. But as she began talking about magnets and wheel bases, her eyes grew rounder and her small hands danced with expressive energy. She sounded as if, once she is done with the presidency business, she might like to try the steel one, joining those in the audience wearing "Women of Steel" T-shirts.

...

After the event in Fort Wayne, Mrs. Clinton greeted supporter after ardent supporter waiting in the chilly wind, her quilted black Chanel-style coat and subtly highlighted hairdo contrasting with the many untended dye jobs and chapped, makeup-less faces. Fans snapped her picture, some with camera phones, others with cheap cardboard ones.

"I was going to go to Wellesley, but I was going to have to pay back so much," a young woman told her.

Inexplicably, Senator Clinton went to a union hall and talked about ... jobs. With a bunch of unambitious and ill-kempt losers wielding primitive cameras.

It's not clear whether the Senator's "Chanel-style coat" signals her elitism or her faux-populist pandering. Either way, the woman is drunk with power and Canadian hootch, and she intends to take these rustics for a ride.

Die Zukunft der Großartigen Alten Partei

Say you're at Bronko's Restaurant and Lounge in Crown Point, Indiana, having a round with Hillary Clinton, and you want to consult with local attorney and Republican Congressional candidate Tony Zirkle. You just take North Main Street to East North Street, and head east on East North (which turns into East 109th at Broadway) for 4.7 miles. You're now at Tony's office.

Tony, who's had trouble drawing crowds to campaign events, recently made headlines when took his anti-porn crusade across state lines to a celebration of Adolf Hitler's birthday by the Illinois Nazi Party. Tony's not a Nazi himself, he was simply there to express "his concern about 'the targeting of young white women and for pornography and prostitution.'"

Which is not to say Tony's not an expert on the birthday boy. His expertise on the origins of fascism rivals Jonah Goldberg's, as this quote reveals:

WWII may never have happened had we not neglected pornography and prostitution in the Jewish community. Hitler would not have had his most powerful argument when he claimed that Jews cartelled 97% of all international prostitution. Let's not repeat history.

I'm not sure what that means, but it can't be good.

Tony seems to be a kindred spirit to fellow porn unenthusiast Kathryn Jean Lopez. (Zirkle's a Catholic too. This could be a match made in heaven.)

I imagine this story might lead to some ugly stereotyping of Indianans as bigots and boobs. But Tony, who hails from Tipton, is not just any Hoosier shyster. He graduated Andrews University with a B.A. in Economics and from Georgetown with a Bachelor of Science degree in Foreign Service, majoring in International Economics. He spent two years at the U.S. Naval Academy. In 1997, he graduated with a J.D. from the Indiana University School of Law at Bloomington, where he took courses in Federal Divorce Law (!) and Divorce Procedure. (Sadly, those courses are no longer offered.) In 2000, as a St. Joseph's County prosecutor, he won "the 'Make My Day Award' for the Record Number of Jury Trials and for Lack of Fear in the Courtroom."

In short, Tony is Indiana's finest.

(Story via about 500 other blogs.)

Dance Dance Ron Paul REVOLution

I intended to link to this Washington Post article to ridicule the dimwitted lifestyle libertarians mentioned therein, but this bit is even funnier than the guy whining to the cops, "So you're saying the state is going to reject us? It's Thomas Jefferson's biiiiiirthday":

Quite the contrary, says Peter Onuf, Thomas Jefferson Memorial Foundation professor of history at U-Va.

"What they're referring to here is Jefferson's endorsement of popular resistance to tyrannical authority," he said yesterday. "What these folks were involved in was provoking authorities into having to enforce the law. Jefferson was very anal about obedience to the law."

Finest reference to ass in the history of the Washington Post, with the possible exception of when Howie Kurtz dined alone.

By the way, the lifestyle libertarian crowd is fundraising for their prancing cohort who got pinched at the Jefferson Memorial. Given their cohort's family wealth and ties to those renowned libertarians, the Bush Administration and Saudi Arabia, the most accurate characterization of these fundraising efforts would be either "Save The Trust Fund" or "Pissing Money Down A Rathole." I wonder when the Ron Paul Dancers will take their little troupe to Guantanamo Bay or Riyadh.

The Cat and The Rat

The greatest newspaper in the United States "reports" on a cat who can write:

And the recently published "Joseph and Chico: The Life of Pope Benedict XVI as Told by a Cat" (Ignatius Press, 2008) is a children's book written by Chico with the "aid" of an Italian journalist, Jeanne Perego.

The book, which has been translated into 10 languages and has sold 12,000 copies in the United States, tells of young Joseph Ratzinger's childhood love for all furry animals and of the adult cardinal's deep bond with the narrator, who lives in the Bavarian village of Pentling.
"When I'd see that the shades were up next door, I knew he was home," Chico writes. "Then I'd race over and rub up against his legs. What wonderful times we've spent together!"

The cat also witnessed the discovery of WMD in Iraq, according to The Times.

But Benny's not the only pope with a special friend:

Leo XII, in the 1820s, raised his grayish-red cat, Micetto, in the pleat of his cassock. And according to The Times of London, Paul VI, pope from 1963 to 1978, is said to have once dressed his cat in cardinal's robes.

That pretty much settles the abstinence debate for me.

How Many Personalities Does The Pope Have?

Oh my. Pope Ratzi the XVI has gone off-message:

[The Pope's] comments drew a rebuke from Representative Tom Tancredo, a Republican from Colorado who has been a leading opponent of illegal immigration.

Accusing the pope of "faith-based marketing," Mr. Tancredo said Benedict's comments welcoming immigrants "may have less to do with spreading the Gospel than they do about recruiting new members of the Church." Mr. Tancredo, a former Catholic who now attends an evangelical Christian church, said it was not in the pope's "job description to engage in American politics."

On the other side of the issue, some members of the Catholic hierarchy said they were shocked that on the same day that Benedict and President Bush affirmed in a joint statement the need for a policy that treats immigrants humanely and protects their families, federal agents were conducting raids at five chicken plants. They arrested more than 300 immigrants accused of being illegal workers.

For those trying to keep track: Excommunicating pro-choice politicians -- Good Pope. Opposing the invasion and occupation of Iraq -- Bad Pope. Converting Muslims -- Good Pope. Economic justice -- What, are you sure that's the Pope? Never heard nothing about that.

I Knew I Was Doing Something Wrong

For some ex-spouses, revenge is not the point. Writing about divorce can be good for readership.

"The bloggers who are doing the best are those who are injecting their personal lives," said Penelope Trunk, the author of the Brazen Careerist blog, who has written frequently in the past year about the collapse of her 15-year marriage.

Ms. Trunk wrote about going to what she thought was a first session with a new marriage counselor chosen by her husband only to discover it was a divorce lawyer's office. That was one of her most popular posts.

More painfully, she has written about the problems of a son who has Asberger's [sic] syndrome and said that both she and her husband believed the challenges of raising him helped cause their divorce.

But this kind of brutal honesty is not a good idea for children, especially since most harbor feelings of guilt about their parents' divorce anyway, said Irene Goldenberg, a professor emeritus of psychiatry at the University of California, Los Angeles.

"It is not good for children to get personal information in that way," Dr. Goldenberg said. "And people have to consider doing things in the heat of the moment. The way they feel now will not be how they feel in two years, and there is no way it can be retrieved."

Ms. Truck [sic] disagrees.

"It is a generational issue," she said. "We think it will be a big deal, but it won’t be to them. By the time they are old enough to read it, they will have spent their entire life online. It will be like, 'Oh yeah, I expected that.'"

Bang the Drum, Slowly

Kevin Drum has decided to go all Lanny Davis on us and tar the "liberal blogosphere" as sexist. He frames a quote wherein McArdle claims to be the victim of sexism with these words:

Megan McArdle writes about sexism in the blogosphere:

[McArdle quote]

One of the most inexplicable tropes of the liberal blogosphere is its howling disdain for Megan. I guess it all goes back to the moronic "two-by-four" controversy, but it really ought to stop.

Lanny Davis, you will recall, waxed indignant in the pages of The Wall Street Journal about "the hate and vitriol of bloggers on the liberal side," whose sites were rife with anti-Semitic "bigotry and hatred and sanctimony" against Joe Lieberman. Davis' quotes were from comments by pseudonymous persons at The Huffington Post and Daily Kos, not from bloggers or "the liberal blogosphere." Hacks like Bill O'Reilly and nominally more sane folks, like Nat Hentoff, spread Davis' fraudulent charges with gusto, smearing left-leaning bloggers and the left as bigots.

Similarly, the perceived insults referenced in the McArdle excerpt Drum quotes are from "commenters" who McArdle suspects were coming from "both left and right." Perhaps Drum feels the need only to scold the left, but he doesn't explain why the liberal blogosphere is to be faulted for what McArdle's commenters say at McArdle's site or in e-mails to McArdle. Drum doesn't post the portion of McArdle's rant which discusses the thing which set her off -- Roy Edroso's hilarious Village Voice article which ridiculed 10 right-wing blogs, including McArdle's. Perhaps Drum realizes he couldn't repeat McArdle's gripe against Roy with a straight face, or on a full stomach, while simultaneously feigning ignorance of any reason for disdain of McArdle. (Roy dismisses McArdle's spluttering self-pity with good humor here.)

Drum concedes that McArdle is often wrong and/or obtuse. So apparently he knows where the line between legitimate criticism and sexist criticism rests, unlike those unidentified pigs who comprise the liberal blogosphere. (Drum also asserts that McArdle "ain't" Michelle Malkin, but fails to divulge whether sexist statements about Malkin are thereby okay with him.)

When I bash McArdle in the future, I'll send my critiques to Kev beforehand to make sure I don't offend. Sure, that would involve employing a double standard, and a sexist one at that, but I know Kev, like Lanny, has got the best interests of the liberal blogosphere at heart.

The Pride of Wingnuttia

The latest recipient of wingnut welfare is the "founder"* of Dartblog, who became a cash money thousandaire in a blogging contest judged by such far-right luminaries as Glenn Reynolds, Megan McArdle, Doughy Pantload and Rob Bluey. The "founder" and his scrappy flunkies (who actually write most of the posts) have shown that they've got what it takes to be welfare queens of the information age.

Take this April 13, 2008 post, for example:

While Barack Obama is in San Francisco making disparaging remarks about fundamental rights (e.g. guns) and fundamental values (e.g. G-d), Hillary Clinton was hanging out in a Pennsylvania bar with some of the very folks that Obama was denigrating.

Dartblogger "Zak Moore" illustrates his post with a photograph of Clinton without crediting or linking to the photographer or her news service. Typical wingnut respect for the rights and property of others.

Also, the photograph depicts Senator Clinton in an Indiana restaurant and bar, not in a Pennsylvania bar. And Senator Obama wasn't in San Francisco either when the photograph was taken (April 12) or when the post was written. The remarks that Moore misrepresents were made on April 6. Most importantly, Obama didn't disparage either "G_d" or gun rights in his comments.

Other than that, the post is brilliant. And its quality and accuracy outstrips most anything found at The Corner or Instacracker.com.

* Jonathan Adler of the Volokh Conspiracy, one of the judges, manages to get both the first and last names of the founder wrong in his congratulatory post. The torch is passed!

Old Style Campaigning

You'd drink too, just to get the taste of Bronko's pizza out of your mouth.

CROWN POINT, Ind. -- While Barack Obama spent Saturday defending a remark that made him sound like an elitist, Hillary Clinton's response was initially just words, calling him "elitist" and "out of touch."

But then in Crown Point, a town 25 miles from Gary, the New York senator downed a shot of Crown Royal whiskey, had a beer and chomped down a slice of cheese pizza, as her aides rushed to fill her request for another slice, with pepperoni. The crowd at Bronko's restaurant cheered as Clinton clincked [sic] her glass against fellow drinker's [sic], while at the same time the restaurant's manager told a man who brought his grandchildren to the event he needed to take them out the room.

Clinton stayed only about 30 minutes, but the audience, full of supporters, seemed thrilled with the senator's performance, shouting "Hillary! Hillary!" as she turned up her glass and finished her beer.

"Everytime I get around you, I start drinking," joked Thomas McDermott Jr., the mayor of nearby Hammond, Ind., and a Clinton supporter who also came to the event.

It was the end of a long day of campaigning in this state for Clinton, who will face pressure from Democratic officials to drop of the race if she loses May 6 primaries in both the Hoosier State and in North Carolina, which goes to the polls that day, as well. She is far behind in polls in North Carolina, but effectively tied here.

She should've gone to Aurelio's. I suspect Mark Penn is to blame.

p.s. to Perry Bacon, Jnr.: Crown Point isn't 25 miles from Gary. Lousy out-of-touch, decadent coastal elitists.

Support Our Troops

General Non-Betrayus is holding a fundraiser. Give 'til it burns.

Could someone please adjust "Doctor" Helen's meds?

Update (4/12): Perhaps it's unfair to suggest "Doctor" Helen is mentally unbalanced without explaining why. The thing speaks for herself, of course, but let me elaborate. Here's the "Doctor":

Let me give you an example of the professional man who keeps other men down. If you work in — or are involved in — academia, you will know what I mean. There are a number of older guys, in their sixties or so, who worked with the civil rights movement and considered this their heyday. They are now full professors who pride themselves on helping women and minorities get ahead. They come into every faculty meeting harping about the need to give a step-up to the women in the department or they demand that a minority be hired for some position, meanwhile overlooking the qualified men who should also be in the running. You, the young, untenured guy in the department, often wonder why this deadwood won't step down if he cares so much — and give up his much-coveted chair to some minority.

If you're not a persecuted young academic with a pale dick, you can stop reading now. The "Doctor"'s not talking to you.

Of course, professional men keep other men down every day when they select one man over others, for reasons pure and not so pure. But the "Doctor" only thinks this is bad if the professional man prefers a woman or "a minority" to a man. If you screw one man over in favor of another man, no matter how base your motive or unjust the result, the "Doctor"'s not bothered.

More importantly, the "Doctor" seems incapable of comprehending that many minorities are men, and that women aren't a minority. In her view, a professional man is keeping other men down if his decision favors a minority man. So when the "Doctor" pretends to worry about men being kept down, it's only white men she worries about.

After barely concealing her bigotry, the "Doctor" goes on to claim that men are persecuted because although more of them are in positions of power and wealth, there are also more men who are on death row and more men who die on the job. Apparently women are avoiding capital punishment not because they kill less than frequently than men, but because the jury boxes are filled with tenured radical professors who give all the best prison sentences to women.

The "Doctor" then opines that Bill Gates hates capitalism and sexual harassment laws were all Bill Clinton's idea. (Oh, and Heather Mills -- who is apparently is a man -- keeps Paul McCartney down by wanting to spend time with the couple's daughter.)

In the end, the "Doctor" comes full circle, asserting that men are to blame for other men's problems because they blame other men for their problems.

No, really.

Finally, ordinary men also keep other men down (see this comment section at my blog for more on this). Chivalrous men who think women can't make it on their own and need men's protection at any cost, as well as men who stick their head in the sand (ostriches) and blame other men for their problems or say that the problem does not exist, only serve to perpetuate misandry in the culture. In addition, men are indoctrinated to say bad things about other men. How many times do you hear men saying "he's a dog, a deadbeat, a loser," often without proof? And these are their friends. Some men buy into the "men are evil" myth hook, line, and sinker. It is often not warranted.

Men keep each other down by blaming other men for their problems, even though other men are to blame for their problems by keeping them down. And then they have the nerve to deny that other men are keeping them down! No wonder the "Doctor" hates men so much.

Forget about adjusting the "Doctor"'s meds, just pull her license.

The Senate Gay-Straight Alliance Club

Republican Senator Larry Craig (R-WC) demonstrates that he is wide but not narrow as he extends a consoling hand under the partition to embattled fellow Republican, Sen. David Vitter, according to The Hill:

Embattled Louisiana Sen. David Vitter (R) is getting support from fellow Republicans who say he should not resign over a public sex scandal — including from someone who can speak from experience.

Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho was among several GOP senators who say Vitter's testimony in the "D.C. Madam" prostitution case should not compel his resignation.

"First and foremost, in these kinds of issues, it's the state and the relationship you have with your state that really determines where you ought to go," Craig said. "That was certainly my case. The Senate itself wasn't going to judge me. I would allow the citizens of my state to do so. And there is still strong support there."

...

[Craig] also said he sympathizes with Vitter's treatment by the media.

"My story became a situation where my wife and I watched it almost as if it were caricatures out there being talked about," Craig said. "It certainly wasn't me, but that was quite typical in a 24/7 news cycle like we have today."

Craig was caricatured in the media as a man who didn't contest charges that he had solicited sex from a cop in an airport bathroom, which is totally unlike him.

The article fails to name any of the "several GOP senators" beside Craig who support Vitter. Perhaps they're his fellow Johns, McCain and Warner.

When A Wingnut Wet Dream Explodes

It was the perfect story. A innocent white 13-year-old girl menaced by swarthy thugs while trying to protect our borders:

A teenager who took a sign reading "If you love our nation, stop illegal immigration" to school said she was hurt after being swarmed by angry classmates, and administrators said Tuesday they have suspended three students involved in the scuffle.

...

J.R. Bowers, the girl's father, said Melanie suffered scratch marks along her neck, face and arms. He said she also had a swollen jaw.

Bowers said as many as 20 students surrounded his daughter in the hallway, and Hayes said others may have hurled verbal insults. The poster was ultimately destroyed by other students.

"She was like a zebra on her arm," Bowers said of the bruises. "She believes they were intentionally trying to hurt her."

The three students given in-school suspension are Hispanic, Hayes said. Bowers is white. Although the school has video surveillance, Hayes said the incident occurred in a blind spot out of camera range but no punches were thrown.

The usual wingnuts became orgasmic, lighting crosses first and asking questions never. Sample drooling (no links):

"the open-borders mob reaction to one girl's project is absolutely unacceptable"

"Jail is too good for these scumbags-in-training... Not that they'll get any real punishment, anyway."

"How much more of this shit are we going to take?"

"Government schools. Have you delivered your child into the hands of government today? Do you feel good about that?"

Of course, unless you were blinded by irrational hatred, you could see the truth coming a mile away.

DALLAS -- An eighth-grader lied when she claimed a mob of angry students assaulted her for making a poster that said, "If you love our nation, stop illegal immigration," Athens school district officials said Wednesday.

Surveillance cameras at Athens Middle School show Melanie Bowers, 13, making scratch marks on her face and arms in a hallway after a classmate took her poster in a "snatch and grab," Superintendent Fred Hayes said.

Melanie had told administrators she was clawed and hit after about 20 students, angry about the poster she made for a class project, swarmed her and wrested the sign away.

The reported scuffle led to the suspension of three Hispanic students.

"The real error in this whole thing lies in the young lady telling lies," Hayes said. The school is pursuing misdemeanor charges against the girl for making a false report.

Melanie's future as a wingnut blogger is looking even brighter today.

Update (4/10): I should have called this post "Nava, Again."

Worst Case Scenario

The most interesting thing about Rummy's worst-case scenarios (see below) is that the Administration never informed the public about any of those disasterous consequences. And, of course, while the WSJ review of Doug E. Feith's book doesn't include Rummy's entire list, the deaths and mutilations of tens of thousands of Americans and hundreds of thousands Iraqi noncombatants are conspicuous by their absence from the parade of horribles. Perhaps Rummy and Feith didn't foresee those outcomes. Or perhaps they didn't consider them worst-case.

For a fuller look a Feith, check out Athenae's FDL post, Throwing the Book at Douglas Feith.

One Hundred Years of Crapitude

The SCLNYT takes another dive for the Hundred Year Old Man:

BY THE NEW YORK TIMES

Senator Barack Obama has come under some criticism for suggesting that his colleague in the Senate, John McCain, wants to stay in Iraq for 100 years, even though Mr. McCain was speaking hypothetically. Today in Pennsylvania, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton did not shy away from using that line of attack either.

At a speech at Hopewell High School in Aliquippa, Pa., Mrs. Clinton praised Mr. McCain, but then added that the Senator "has said that it would be alright with him if we kept troops in Iraq for up to 100 years and again yesterday, he basically reiterated his commitment to the course that we are on in Iraq. Well, I don't agree with that."

Of course, McCain wouldn't be in office long enough to make it to the 100th anniversary and couldn't legally commit American soldiers for 100 years. But it's indisputable that McCain wants a Century of Occupation, at the very least. And that's exactly what he said.

Congratulate Us, We're The Biggest Fuckups Ever

Reviewing Doug E. Feith's recent tome in the War Street Journal, Bret Stephens unveils the neocon war criminals' latest defense -- We meant to do that:

In October 2002, a memorandum outlining the worst-case scenarios for postwar Iraq was circulated among the top members of the Bush administration. Among its 30 or so warnings were the following:

- "US could fail to find WMD on the ground."

- "Post-Saddam stabilization and reconstruction efforts by the United States could take not two to four years, but eight to ten years."

- "The United States could become so absorbed in its Iraq effort that we pay inadequate attention to other serious problems -- including other proliferation and terrorism problems."

- "Syria and Iran could help our enemies in Iraq. . . . Iraq could experience ethnic strife among Kurds, Sunnis, and Shia."

The provenance of this remarkable memo? If you guessed the State Department, the Central Intelligence Agency or anyone else who today might claim to have been unhappy with the administration's drift toward war, you guessed wrong. Rather, the memo was the handiwork of former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, who drafted it with the assistance of his key military and civilian advisers.

That Rummy, such a genius. Not only could he imagine the worst case scenario, he and his neocon cronies could implement it to a T.

And surpass even his wildest imaginings -- tenfold.

No one tell Bret, though. He thinks it proves something else.

All Christians Are Like This

A report on Christians in the New York Times:

Her husband sexually assaulted her, and when he was angry, he would beat her while other women held her infant, [a 16-year-old girl] told a family violence shelter in a series of secret calls that triggered an investigation of the polygamist sect here.
...

"Investigators determined that there is a widespread pattern and practice of the (YFZ) Ranch in which young, minor female residents are conditioned to expect and accept sexual activity with adult men at the ranch upon being spiritually married to them," read the affidavit signed by Lynn McFadden, a Department of Family and Protective Services investigative supervisor.

McFadden said the girls were spiritually married to the men as soon as they reached puberty and were required to bear children.

It's past time our leaders stopped referring to Christianity as a religion of peace and started acknowledging the true nature of the religious threat.

Prize Dick Wins Dick Prize

Miniscule Republican chickenhawk hasn't won a Putzlicker, but he has been awarded a dick ribbon:

Rep. Patrick McHenry, R-N.C., used that term ["two-bit security guard"] when talking about a visit to Iraq where he was denied access to a gymnasium. "It was a poor choice of words to describe a foreign contractor," McHenry said in a statement.

McHenry was recorded at a local Republican fundraising dinner talking about his visit and being annoyed when he was denied gym privileges while staying in VIP quarters in the pool house of a palace once used by Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. A copy of the video is available on YouTube.

...

McHenry is not a veteran, but in February he received the National Guard's Charles Dick Medal of Merit, given to an elected official who has supported Guard members and issues.

Dick is a former Ohio National Guard major general who was president of the National Guard Association of the United States from 1902 to 1909. He also served as a congressman and senator, and was the driving force behind two major pieces of legislation that laid the foundations of the modern National Guard.

Hundreds of thousands of Iraqis died so McHenry wouldn't miss his step class during his foreign photo ops.

The Putzlicker Prize

Failed P.R. hack turned tech gasbag Michael S. Malone, last seen sucking up to Silicon Valley moneymen on an unwatchable PBS show, is currently bitching that an award for newspaper journalism is being given to newspaper journalists.

By the same token, the Pulitzer for commentary will probably go to some codger at the Detroit Free Press, when it should probably go to someone who is actually clever, influential and widely read, like Mickey Kaus at Slate.com. And how about Terry Teachout (AboutLastNight) for cultural criticism? And instead of handing a disguised (as "editorial writing" or some other cover) lifetime achievement award to yet one more doddering old nostalgia merchant, how about awarding it to someone who actually has transformed the journalism world in the last decade: like Arianna Huffington or Roger L. Simon, Glenn Reynolds or Markos (Kos) Moulitsas? Or better yet, how about Matt Drudge, who is secretly read by every reporter in the world?

But if you think that's going to happen, you are still living, like the newspaper world, in 1998, or 1898. The Pulitzer Prizes are for newspaper reporting -- meaning print, with a quick head-nod toward newspaper Web sites. Not for the far bigger, more demanding and more influential world of independent online journalism.

The idea of Kaus as clever, influential or widely read should get an award for delusional thinking. As should the idea of Drudge transforming the journalism world, when his entire schtick is linking to newspaper websites and online newspaper columns, with occasional leaks, or outright mispresentations, of forthcoming "MSM" reporting.

Despite his references to Huffington and Kos (who doesn't pretend to be a journalist), Malone is a right-wing hack. (He's even more of a self-fellatalist, although that's pretty standard for a a right-wing hack.) Although he pretends to be the first tech reporter in the nation, Malone doesn't mention one website where former newspaper readers are now going for tech news. They sure as hell aren't getting it from Roger el-Simon or the Hairless Hack. Instead, he hypes a bunch of reactionary blowhards who spout off like deinstitutionalized mental patients. And Malone's crappy on-line column, with its endless recitation of its author's puported past glories and stories of old fart rockers, is the template for dodgering codgers of every medium.

Eyes on the Wingnut Welfare Checks

Steve M. wipes up the floor with Wan Juilliams.

Fan Mail From A Flounder

Just received an overly-familiar e-pistle from a distraught woman in a co-dependent relationship:

Dear Schlomo,

I have an important personal favor to ask.

Last month, President Bush wrote you about the outstanding work the Republican National Committee (RNC) is doing to help our candidates at all levels build strong, effective campaigns.
The President also asked for your support in helping the RNC meet its budget goal of $27.8 million.

The RNC must reach this total to provide all our candidates the research, polling data, volunteer training, target voter lists, and direct financial assistance they need to win.

These campaign services are crucial to help GOP candidates counter the hundreds of millions of dollars left-wing special interests will spend to try to elect a liberal Democrat president and Congress. The Democrats' liberal allies have pledged to amass more than $500 million to defeat Republicans.

In 2000 and 2004, George faced a similar onslaught of attacks by special interest groups. The early resources you provided the RNC were vital to answering them and led to victory. We are committed to making certain the men and women representing our Party in 2008 get the same kind of help.

Republican victories this November begin with GOP grassroots leaders like you, Schlomo.

Please help keep our Party moving toward electing Republicans from the courthouse to the White House by making an urgent online contribution of $1,000, $500, $100, $50, or $25 to the RNC today to meet their fundraising target.

...

Laura Bush

Back off, lady. I don't even know you. But it's nice to see the Republicans attempting to corrupt the judiciary, given that no sane person trusts them with the executive or judicial branches.

It's also interesting that Pickles' missive doesn't mention Saint Johnny Rictus once (I didn't post the whole e-mail, but trust me), while the RNC website doesn't mention the Miserable Failure once on its home page. Seems the Bushes and McCains can't stand each other any more than anyone else can.

Homegrown Terrorists

As Lawyers, Guns and Money reminds us, April is American Holocaust Nostalgia Month for the twisted sociopaths throughout this Nation who celebrate the Confederacy and its progeny.

As an antidote to this month-long celebration of hate, I recommend the book The Bloody Shirt: Terror After Appomattox, which points out that the post-war South was as lousy with terrorists as a Taliban/al-Qaeda reunion:

Between 1867 and 1877, more than three thousand free African Americans and their white allies were killed in cold blood by terrorist organizations in the South.

Over the years this fact would not only be forgotten, but a series of exculpatory myths would arise to cover the tracks of this orchestrated campaign of atrocity and violence. Little memory would persist of the simple truth: that a well-organized and directed terrorist movement, led by ex-Confederates who refused to accept the verdict of Appomattox and the enfranchisement of the freedmen, succeeded in overthrowing the only freely elected, representative governments that the Southern states would know for a century to come.

The Civil War wasn't a war of brothers against brothers; it was a war of brothers against fratricidal fiends. The Confederate flag should be accorded the same respect any other symbol of genocide, and those who fly it should be treated as terrorist sympathizers.