By the way, I'm not being a pussy, I've got other obligations.

You'd think a former catblogger would choose a different term of derision.

(Yes, I know it's a joke.)

Tomorrow is Bitter Old Whitey Night at the Republicon. Plus Santorum Lipsyncs Nooners, Michael Reagan gives his issues a nationwide workout, and hillbilly music!

"A Land of Opportunity"
7:00 p.m. to 11:15 p.m. EDT

Convention Call to Order

[nobodies]

Governor Linda Lingle (HI)
Temporary Convention Chairman

The Honorable Brian Sandoval (NV)
Attorney General

Senator Rick Santorum (PA)

Rolling Roll Call of States

The Honorable Michael Steele
Deputy Permanent Co-Chair
Jennette Bradley
Assistant Secretary of the Convention
Bonnie Garcia
Assistant Secretary of the Convention

Vice Presidential Nominating Process

Senator Mitch McConnell (KY)

The Honorable Elaine Chao

[more nobodies]

Music
Third Day

Michael Reagan

Tribute to President Ronald Reagan

Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey (MA)

Governor Mitt Romney (MA)

Music
Sara Evans

Keynote Address
Sen. Zell Miller (D-GA)

Mrs. Lynne Cheney

Vice President Dick Cheney

Music
Brooks & Dunn

Benediction
Bishop Rene Gracida, Bishop Emeritus, Diocese of Corpus Christi, TX

Wolf Whistles

Today, Wolf Blitzer referred to George Pee as "that handsome face."

That's odd. Wolf always struck me as an ass man.

Lords And Liddies

The most idiotic statment from the Republicon so far? Liddy Dole's "The Constitution guarantees freedom of religion, not freedom from religion."

Uh, no it doesn't.

Liddy may also want to ask Bob Dole, adulterer, about the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. Republicans didn't create adultery, they just love practicing it.

Liddiot's oration sounded like Peggy Noonan's greatest unsold speeches. She even included a "character was king" reference to St. Ronnie.

Whorapalooza

Faux and NBGOP, proud sponsors of the Republican Party, do their bit:

The McCain-Giuliani combination got rave reviews from the talking heads. It was by turns "inspirational," "hopeful," "positive," "negative" and "funny," said Brit Hume.

"A very impressive performance by Rudy Giuliani and a powerful attack on Senator Kerry," said his Fox colleague Bill Kristol.

"It brings tears to your eyes," said Fred Barnes.

"A very powerful and effective political night for the Republicans," said Tim Russert.

"Rudy Giuliani had a terrific relationship with this crowd, more than just home-field advantage," said Brian Williams.

Those aren't tears, Fred.

There were a couple of notes of caution. Judy Woodruff observed that at one point the speech "moved into the territory of character criticism" of Kerry. And Candy Crowley said it would be "awfully tough" for the other side to "criticize Giuliani for talking about 9/11."

Such courageous dissent.

Call It Off

Asked "Can we win?" Bush said, "I don't think you can win it. But I think you can create conditions so that the -- those who use terror as a tool are less acceptable in parts of the world."

(link)

Tuesday's Con

"People of Compassion"
7:00 p.m. to 11:15 p.m. EDT

George P. Bush, Dallas, TX (compassionate vandal/stalker)

Music Dana Glover (non-diverse entertainer)

Erika Harold (diverse entertainer)
Miss America 2003

Steven McDonald, New York, NY (not really sure)

Senator Sam Brownback (KS) (compassionate racial slurrer and censor)

Music Jaci Velasquez (diverse entertainer)

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, M.D. (TN) (compassionate animal killer)

Elisabeth Hasselbeck (non-diverse non-entertainer)

The Honorable Rod Paige (compassionate education-reform fraudster and union basher)

Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele (MD) (compassionate African-American guy)
Deputy Permanent Chairman

Music
Daize Shayne (non-diverse non-entertainer)

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (CA) (compassionate molester)

Mrs. Laura Bush (compassion behind the wheel)

Music
Harlem Boys Choir (diverse entertainers)

Benediction
Rebetzin Esther Jungreis
Founder, Hineni New York, NY

Meet Your Liberal Media: Predator-y Pricing Edition

Among the corporate sponsors of Mr. Schwarzenegger's trip [to the Republican National Convention], according to a list provided by the governor's office, are Fox Entertainment, NBC Universal, News Corporation, Paramount, TimeWarner, the Walt Disney Company and Viacom. Other donors include Abbott Laboratories, Amgen and Pfizer, ChevronTexaco and Conoco Phillips, and Outback Steakhouse, SBC and Visa.

Yes, that's Faux, CNN, NBC, ABC and CBS, paying for a politician to appear at a political event and give a speech they'll all no doubt be covering. Supposedly the Predator's three days in NYC would cost Cali 35O thousand dollars. So why the fuck isn't the fucking Republican National Committee paying this expense?

And how many will report their Republican subsidy before or after the Predator's speech tomorrow night?

Monday's Con

"A Nation of Courage"
7:45 p.m. to 11:15 p.m. EDT

Convention Call to Order
Representative Deborah Pryce (OH),
Deputy Permanent Co-Chair

Presentation of Colors
NYPD

Pledge of Allegiance
Lt. Col. Joseph Repya (Ret.), Eagan, MN

National Anthem
Olivia Lalewitz, Detroit, MI

Invocation
Imam Pasha, New York, NY

Rolling Roll Call of the States

Ed Gillespie
Chairman, Republican National Committee

Sara Gear Boyd
Secretary of the Convention

The Honorable Jane Norton
Assistant Secretary of the Convention

Official Convention Photograph

The Honorable J. Dennis Hastert (IL)
Permanent Convention Chairman, 2004 Republican National Convention

Tribute to President Ford

Music Dexter Freebish

Recognition of President George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush

Ron Silver Actor

Representative Heather Wilson (NM)

Music Christ Tabernacle Choir

Bernard Kerik
Former Police Commissioner New York, NY

Robert Khuzami
Former Assistant United States Attorney, New York, NY

Zainab Al-Suwaij
Executive Director, American Islamic Congress

Jason Sehorn and Angie Harmon

Music
Darryl Worley

Senator Lindsey Graham (SC)

Senator John McCain (AZ)

Music
Daniel Rodriguez

The Honorable Rudy Giuliani
Former Mayor of the City of New York

Benediction
Reverend Max Lucado, San Antonio, TX

ShrewdWatch

Here's the latest shrewd comment from Slate's own Hack Kerouac, Bob Kaus:

If President Bush were to tell the Swift Boat Veterans, "Those are great ads. Please run more of them," he'd immediately be accused by the Kerry campaign (and maybe the Federal Elections Commission) of illegal "coordination" with an allegedly independent political group. ... Now suppose Bush did what Kerry and David Broder want him to do and told the Swifties "Those are terrible ads. I call on you to stop running them." Why isn't that also illegal coordination? Coordination involves telling someone when to start and also when to stop, no? [I'm indebted to alert kf reader S.K. for this point.] ...

Even Kaus must realize how utterly stupid this is, since he's blaming it on a reader.

Meanwhile, check out this shrewd, Weisbergian logic: Bush is a sleazy, dishonest race-bating bigot, but evil "Bush-haters" -- people who think Bush is a sleazy, dishonest race-bating bigot -- have immunized Bush from criticism.

Well, That Sucked

CNN's RNC Con preview, I mean.

Here's the pit where the band will be.

We'll be giving three ordinary delegates and that freak, Georgette Mossbacher, video cameras and you can vote them out of the convention each day.

CNN is number one among undecided voters... hint, hint, Karl.

We've kept the Capital Gang up past their bedtimes so they can recycle their stale insights and insults for you.

And to top it off: Judy Woodruff will be watching to see if George Bush can unite the country.

No.

Seriously.

Roger's Clogged Mail Sac

For those of you trying to e-mail me -- a large group, no doubt -- my mailbox was clogged with a 1.4M message. It's no longer there.

Feel free to resume sending fan mail, lottery notifications, marriage proposals and exciting news of business opportunities in Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Sharjah, Al Ain & Northern Emirates in areas such as Construction, Oilfield Development, Telecommunication, Information Technology, Medical, Power Generation, Roads & Bridges & more.

The Flaming Of The Shrewd

Shrewd like Kaus:

I shouldn't have said Gladwell ignored the sociological issue. He didn't, and I apologize for the mistake.

Shrewd!

Respectable big-time journalist friends who met with the anti-Kerry vets recently found them a lot more credible than expected. Sorry, Note!

Shrewd!

Let's assume that a certain amount of hype is standard procedure in military write-ups, especially when medals are involved. The problem is that Kerry is running for president on this official hype of a more-than-honorable record (one reason he's constantly referring reporters to his official medal citations).

Shrewder still!

All that shrewdness in the space of one week.

Clearly the man is a genius. How could anyone criticize such accuracy, rational thought and eloquence?

Surely Kaus doesn't need a defense by a writer whose greatest accomplishment as a writer was slapping together a book of quotes showing how stupid Bush is.

Foghataboutit

"I have no idea where they got that," Foghat drummer Roger Earl tells PAGE SIX. "Foghat are not supporters of George Bush, and we're certainly not going on the road with him." In fact, Earl seemed downright smitten with the John Kerry-favoring Springsteen tour. "I'd like to see Bruce Springsteen and Bonnie Raitt for president. We'd go on tour with them in a minute!" The Long Island resident also offered up Foghat's services to entertain the troops overseas. "We support the troops 110 percent," he said. "We'd love to go over there and play for them, but no one has asked us yet." ...

My apologies for believing anything published in U.S. News and World Report. Mort Zuckerman, David Gergen, John Leo and Michael Barone should have been my first clues.

Paging Dr. Fraud

It may not last long, but the latest column of psycho babbler Charles Quackhammer, on "Bush hatred," is positioned on washingtonpost.com next to an advertisement which reads "ERECTION PROBLEMS? PREMATURE EJACULATION?"

Now that's what I call target marketing.

And When Trent Lott Tried To Plant Them On His Lawn, All Hell Broke Loose

"We're adding another first to our first-ever convention in New York City," said Chairman Gillespie. "Rock stations have DJs, MTV has VJs and Republicans are introducing CJs,"

"Convention Jockeys are a new program feature that will make this convention truly unique. The CJs will set the tone and tell the great stories of our party," said Mr. Harris. "By having jockeys reporting from throughout the arena and from coast to coast, the nation will see the broad and diverse support for President Bush and his vision for a safer world and a more hopeful America."

Who are you kidding, Ed? You've been getting CJs for years.

Dole and Blitzer: No Shame

But Dole also made another statement that day, one that hasn't been aired until now. Of McCain's charge to President Bush during a 2000 debate -- "You should be ashamed" -- Dole told Wolf Blitzer, "He was right." Dole made the remark off-air, while CNN broadcast the Kerry ad called "Old Tricks," the one featuring McCain's 2000 debate remarks. The campaign stopped airing it recently at McCain's request.

I say Wolf is the bigger disgrace.

Old Bob Dole may have to sit in the car with the windows rolled up while Liddy gives her speech at the con.

(link.)

The Young Ones

The Hipublicans know how to party.

In addition to the Bush daughters, the Youth Convention will feature Republican Party elected officials and Hollywood celebrities. The lineup of speakers to appear during the hour and a half long program includes the Honorable Andy Card, the Honorable Rod Paige, Republican National Committee Chairman Ed Gillespie, former White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer, Congressman David Dreier (R-CA), actress Angie Harmon, NFL Cornerback Jason Sehorn, syndicated youth radio host Ben Ferguson, Bush-Cheney '04 Deputy Strategist Sara Taylor, WWE superstar JBL, "Stand Up and Holla!" winner Princella Smith and Michael Mack, Chairman of the Young Republicans.

Only and hour and a half?!? That's not enough time for the Talking Penis and Andy Card to work their magic.

Meanwhile, Babbs and the other one show their respect for the democratic process.

Program participants will talk about the importance of youth participation in the nation's political system and the importance of registering to vote. "Participating in elections is one of the most important and easiest ways we can positively change our future," Barbara and Jenna said recently in an online chat.

Unless you're an African-American living in Flordia.

If I get swamped with other things during the convention, you can always read these guys.

They seem like they have a lot to say.

But don't ask them what they had to eat.

Hopefully my schedule will lighten up before the con starts.

Jeb And His Hoods

Here's a timely story from Ann Louise Bardach that the hairless hack won't be linking to:

Following the contentious 2000 recount, e-mails on former Sec. of State Katherine Harris' computer revealed that she had been in contact with Jeb Bush during the recount, contrary to both their claims. Miami Herald reporter Meg Laughlin discovered that e-mail messages sent to Jeb Bush from Harris had been deleted after the recount. Harris then had the operating system of her computer changed, a procedure that erased all its data. "What was odd about what she did," said Mark Seibel, an editor at the Herald, "was that they installed an old operating system - not a new one - which makes you wonder why they did it."

...

For one, [Glenda] Hood and Jeb Bush have strongly endorsed the state's Republican-controlled legislature's new rule that outlaws manual recounts. This means that if any of the new optical-scan or touch-screen machines fail - as they did in the 2002 elections; and the recent March primaries; and just last week, when a backup system failed in a test run in Miami-Dade - there will be no recourse for counting votes. A coalition of election-reform groups has challenged this rule, and Rep. Robert Wexler of Palm Beach sued in federal court after a state appeals court dismissed the matter, ruling that while the right to vote is guaranteed, a perfect voting system is not.

Unlike the recent elections in Venezuela, where the new touch-screen voting machine provided every voter with a receipt, Floridians will have to take the word of Hood and Bush that their vote was counted.

Hood. A very appropriate name.

AEI: Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Liar

In this article, AEI's Sally Satel, M.D., fails to point out the largest source of the misconception that the typical OxyContin addict starts out as a pain patient who unwittingly falls into a drug habit.

These two errors--that people are overdosing on OxyContin in huge numbers and that the typical OxyContin addict starts out as a pain patient who falls unwittingly into a drug habit--reflect common misconceptions.

Sorry, Sally, the only one I know pushing the unwitting addict line is Megajunkie Rush.

Its popularity is due to the fact that it is taken only twice a day.

I hear it's even more popular when it and other pain pills are taken 20 or 30 per day.

(Thanks to a reader for the link.)

How To Hack

A textbook example:

Reader M.R. reacts to my comment that "The impression is forming: Kerry behaved honorably and capably in battle, but he was a hero in the write ups!"

So you just now figured out the STANDARD rule of military write ups?

Fair enough. Let's assume that a certain amount of hype is standard procedure in military write-ups, especially when medals are involved. The problem is that Kerry is running for president on this official hype of a more-than-honorable record (one reason he's constantly referring reporters to his official medal citations). He's not only running on the hype but pushing it to the limit, milking it for all it's worth. That's dangerous in, yes, the Internet era! Obsessive fact-checkers can smoke out the exaggerations and get them past the ex-gatekeepers.** Unfortunately, it's more or less all Kerry's got. It wouldn't be so important if Kerry had a) a discernable ideology; b) a political message; c) a record of achievement; or d) an appealing personality! ... P.S.: As Polipundit's reservist reader notes, the standard military practice of grade inflation also puts Kerry's glowing "fitness" evaluations in perspective. "One of the Top Few" turns out to mean "One of the Top 50%." ...

Step 1: Quote an anonymous e-mailer.

Step 2: Posit that the anonymous e-mailer's assertion has meaning, if it is true.

Step 3: In all subsequent sentences, treat the anonymous e-mailer's statement as true, based on nothing more than your wish that it is true.

Perhaps Step 1 should be work for an online magazine that cares nothing about credibility.

But, wait, perhaps e-mailer "M.R." is the noted military expert Michael Reagan. Or military historian Michael Richards, from Seinfeld. According to Larry Thurlow, M.R. is definitely John Kerry.

My guess is Moronic Rightwinger. Is Kaus e-mailing himself?

Sliming To Cambodia

Or, A Swift Kicked In The Nuts.

Guess John O'Neill's trips to Cambodia weren't seared, seared into his memory.

Oh, and he's not a Republican stooge either.

BOZELL: Fuck you!

Ell Brent Bozell the Third, spokesclown for the hate-filled Right, needs to spend less time emulating the rappers, stars of reality television, and Showtime soft-core starlets he constantly monitors ... for the sake of the children.

He's starting to sound like Fucking Dick Cheney.

Fools For The Chimpy

(Yeah, like there's a lot work with.)

There won't be any of that 1960s loving feeling the Democrats are so obsessed with when it comes to the battle of the bands at the Republican National Convention. Compared with the groovy oldies from Little Richard, Carole King, and Patti LaBelle that wowed the Dems, the GOP lineup unveiled to Whispers is hip in a Nashville-Houston-Sunday-go-to-church kind of way. Topping the entertainment list is Latin sensation Jaci Velasquez, the Houston hottie just picked as Pepsi's spokesperson south of the border. Country star and Bush fave Darryl Worley, a star on the USO tour, appears next with longtime country great Lee Ann Womack. And there's more: Third Day, the rock and gospel band; Austin quartet Dexter Freebish; gospel crooner Donnie McClurkin, and motivational speaker and singer Gracie Rosenberger. And it's not just a one-week stand. Bushies say that several performers, including Womack, Randy Travis, and even 1970s rock band Foghat have offered to tour to offset Bruce Springsteen 's pro-Kerry tour with fellow performers Jackson Browne, Pearl Jam, Bonnie Raitt, R.E.M., and others.

Wait, are we sure that's the Foghat, and not tribute band Fogghatt?

Joshua Micah Marshall Is Making Sense

He's not pulling any punches either.

Exhibit A:

I say this is exactly where the Kerry campaign needs to go because it very powerfully captures a truth about President Bush -- namely, that he's a coward who truly lacks shame.

I don't say he's a coward because he kept himself out of Vietnam three decades ago. I know no end of men of that age who in one fashion or another made sure they didn't end up in Indochina in those days....

He's a coward because he has other people smear good men without taking any responsibility, without owning up to it or standing behind it. And when someone takes it to him and puts him on the spot to defend his actions -- as McCain does in this spot -- he's literally speechless. Like I say, a coward.

Exhibit B:

The president has chosen the ground on which he wants to fight this campaign. And as per usual he's mobilized friends and family retainers to do the fighting for him. The president is playing tackle football, not touch or flag. If the Dems keep up with the latter they'll lose.

Exhibit C:

It's the same cowardly rich-boy viciousness we've seen so many times from this guy and his family. But the Post piece gives some sobering signs about how effective it's been.

Well said.

There was one point Tad Devine didn't make as strongly as he could have during his Press the Meat appearance, namely, the difference between the criticism of Kerry's record of military service and criticism of Bush's record of military service, or lack thereof. Of course, Devine was just following Senator Kerry's lead, and couldn't press the issue since Kerry criticized the Moveon.org ad after McCain criticized it.

Had Devine been able to speak freely, he would have done well to make the points made by Cat M. at my left brain.

I'd also agree with Chinless Ken Mehlman that the Vietnam issue is a distraction, except that it's a distraction which draws attention away from the Iraq quagmire, the failed economy and Bush's radical right agenda dressed up in compassionate clothes. Which, I believe, is the real reason the SBVT ads are running. Bush can't win on his record, so he has to fight the only war he thinks he might be able to win.

Kerry-Edwards Senior Adviser Tad Devine did a great job of taking on Pumpkinhead Russert and chinless Ken Mehlman on NBC News's Press the Meat. Here's Devine on O'Neill and Corsi:

MR. RUSSERT: ..."Hours after that statement, the Kerry campaign organized a conference in which two high-profile ex-military supporters simply parroted the MoveOn commercial's line. Bush `scrambled and used his family's influence to get out of hearing a shot fired in anger,' said failed presidential candidate Wesley Clark. ...Added Stansfield Turner, retired admiral, Carter CIA director, `[Bush] used his family influence to get into the Air National Guard and avoid going to war.'"

It's the same message.

MR. DEVINE: First, that's factually inaccurate. The press conference occurred in the morning. The statement was issued in the afternoon. So it wasn't--you know, one occurred after the other not before. And they did occur in the same day. That's absolutely true. Let me say this...

MR. RUSSERT: So senator--let's be clear. So Senator Kerry condemns the comments made by Wesley Clark and Stansfield Turner?

MR. DEVINE: No, he doesn't.

MR. RUSSERT: Are they inappropriate comments?

MR. DEVINE: The general and the admiral, who served, have the right to speak out on this issue. Senator Kerry wants to focus on the real issues of this campaign, but when he is attacked by lies, by people like the authors, for example, of this book, who have been demonstrated to be both liars and bigots, he will stand up and he will speak out. And that's what's going on right now.

MR. RUSSERT: But do they have a right to speak out just like Turner and Clark?

MR. DEVINE: Sure, but they don't have a right to lie, Tim. And that's what's going on right now. They are lying to the American people. And we will send the truth to the American people. And let me tell you something, John Kerry is not going to allow to happen to him what these guys did to John McCain four years ago.

Lied. It can't be said too often.

Meanwhile, Chinless Ken was left gibbering about 63 million.

"Rush, You've Got to Give Up The Hillbilly Heroin... And The Waffles, Too. Great. Now Give Up Women, They're Nothing But Trouble. Good. Now Start Making Shit Up And Broadcasting It ... What's That? One Step Ahead Of Me. Excellent!"

Rush Limbaugh:


I think ninety percent of the people who listen to Alan Keyes know in their hearts he's right, but they don't want to reorder their lives to live that way. . . . [Supporting] Alan Keyes is not just committing to Alan Keyes! It is saying to yourself: "I have got to fix my life. I've got to straighten up and fly right, I've got to accept responsibility for things."

Not just a politician, a twelve-step program for loudmouth frauds.

Keyes-Mentum!

The poll, conducted August 13-16, shows Obama with a 41 percent lead over Keyes. Obama sweeps all necessary constituencies by large margins, including African-American voters by 93 percent to 3 percent. Moreover, 51 percent of Illinois voters disapprove of the selection by Republican Party leaders of Alan Keyes as the candidate for senate.

Conservative Republican leaders said they recruited Keyes to enter the race because Obama was "out of the mainstream" with Illinois voters. But Obama leads among Moderates 76 percent to 10 percent and wins a good share of fairly conservative voters -- 49 percent.

(link)

Poodles Attack Vets

Not a dog bites man story.


Poodles 

It's highly unlikely to happen, but wouldn't it be great to see Attack Poodles and Other Media Mutants oust Karl Rove's dogsbodies, the Long-Term Memories Removed Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, from their number 1 ranking on amazon.com. Sure, fiction usually has a bigger audience, but there's got to be an audience for well-written non-fiction.

Hacking Off

The most meaningless sentence ever written:

"Respectable big-time journalist friends who met with the anti-Kerry vets recently found them a lot more credible than expected."

Unnamed persons of unknown credibility met with other unnamed persons and found the other unnamed persons to have an unquanitified amount of credibility more than the unnamed persons' original, undisclosed and unquantified assessment of credibility.

Lies Spreading Like Napalm

As I predicted, the smearing of Pat Runyon, who served in Vietnam under John Kerry, has begun.

I agree with the Howler on Dahlia Lithwick's lame "Bush-haters" column.

It's like someone misattributed a Nick "Pistof" Kristof column, or just re-ran one of his old ones.

Leave the hackery to Midget Mickey Kaus, Dahlia.

Alan Keyes Is Fucking Nuts

From the A.P.:

On his first campaign trip into Illinois farm country, Republican Senate candidate Alan Keyes said Thursday he no longer favors abolishing the U.S. Agriculture Department.

Keyes in 1996 had called the department an "expensive top-heavy bureaucracy that was not actually contributing to the good of the farmers." But he said Thursday things had changed under Republican leadership in Washington and he now favors keeping the department.

...

Keyes, speaking at Republican Day at the State Fair, also expressed support for tax breaks that encourage development of alternative fuels such as corn-based ethanol.

Keyes initially denied ever saying the Agriculture Department should be combined with other federal agencies. "I am sure that's a misquote," he said.

When pressed on the issue later, Keyes said he had double-checked and now recalled opposing the Agriculture Department when he ran for president in 1996.

Back then, the department imposed too much red tape on farmers and wasted money the government could not afford to spend, he said. He said that had changed under Republican leadership.

Keyes then accused fairgoers of worshipping a Golden Calf, melted the graven image and made the blasphemers drink it until their bad cholesterol went up 20 points.

Keyes is the most pathetic liar in the Repuke Party: In my candidacy for the presidency, running as a Republican, I called for the abolition of the Department of Agriculture for the sole reason that it wasted money under Democratic leadership. But it's okay under Republican leadership, like if I was president, which is why I called for its abolition when I was running for president.

That's not flip-flop; it's cow flop.

G.O.P. Convention Drinking Game For Roger's Readers In Recovery

Take one drink each time you see one of the following folks on the G.O.P. Convention stage:

Colin Powell

Doctor Condoleezza Rice

Reverend John Ashcroft

John Snow

Donald Rumsfeld

Paul Wolfowitz

Richard Perle

Senator Trent Lott

General Tommy Franks

General Antonio M. Taguba

Paul Bremer

Reverend Jerry Falwell

Reverend "Pat" Robertson

Lt. Crmnl. Oliver North

Ambassador Alan Keyes

Grover Norquist

Nancy Reagan

Former Waterbury, Conn. mayor Joseph Giordano

An openly gay man

Anyone who served with George Bush during the Vietnam War

Any of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth

Anyone who benefited from the Bush economy who doesn't have personal ties to Bush or the Republican Party elite

Best-selling author Ric Flair will be on hand, however.

Ain't No Wank Like A West Coast Wank

The East Coast gets both political conventions, but West Coasters needn't feel completely marginalized. They get BloggerCon III - Montezuma's Revenge of the Nerds.

It's a rare West Coast appearance for Adam Curry and Doc Searls at some community college in the South Bay.

Based on market forces, the con is reasonably priced at free, but registration is already full.

Don't be crestfallen! Blogging is about the people. You're the people. You're the new media. Information wants to be free. The man can't keep you out.

Oh, never mind.

The discussions promise to be fascinating. The question "what is a weblog" will finally ... finally! ... be asked.

It's to be held November 6, so most sane people will still be celebrating the election of President Kerry. If you get shut out of the con, you can go here and celebrate with some good losers.

A Veteran Who Tells The Truth

Trotwood, Ohio - An Ohio factory worker who was with John Kerry on a dangerous night mission 36 years ago in Vietnam said he has no doubt Kerry was grazed in a firefight and deserves his first Purple Heart for a combat injury.

...

"Lt. Kerry said, 'I'm going to pop a flare, and when I do, I want that engine started,' " Runyon said. But the outboard would not crank. Meanwhile, the sampan's crew steered it to the riverbank, and people started running on the shore. Runyon said shooting broke out.

Somehow, Kerry's weapon stopped firing. Runyon thinks he ran out of ammunition. He said Kerry bent down to pick up another gun and got hit in the arm.

Get ready to be smeared, Mr. Runyon.

(via Buzzflash)

Roger's Cheap Short Corner, Convention Edition

Rick Santorum is already rubbing himself with gunpowder, "down there."

Politics as Arts and Crafts Therapy

The subliterate Zac Moffat brags about how the G.O.P. used free labor to create "unique and creative" signs with the party's pre-approved messages:

We are proud of the fact that, all over the country, supporters of the President devoted hundreds of hours to the creation of the thousands of hand painted signs to be used at this year's Republican National Convention. In New York, Americans from across the globe came together at daily sign painting sessions to produce unique and creative signs expressing their enthusiastic support for the re-nomination of President George W. Bush at this year's convention in the many languages of this diverse city.

Sign painting sessions were also a wonderful experience for those of us who to go to sign painting session (sic) and met with grassroots volunteers whose stories of how the President's steady leadership and compassionate agenda has touched their lives. It is moving to see how many people are excited by this convention and the President's optimism.

And when the yokels show up in New York, they'll have these hand-painted signs pressed into their hands before they can say, "this looks like it was painted by a five-year-old, I'm not holding...."

The Paper's Boy

I agree with Matt Taibbi about the Howie the Putz article on how the Washington Post whored for the Bush Administration on Iraq. It wasn't a brave reconsideration and acknowledgment of fault, it was a textbook case of ass-covering. As Taibbi puts it:

When the Post wasn't reassuring readers of its competence, it was offering excuses—lots of them. The list is really an extraordinary one. According to Kurtz's interview subjects, the Post was slow on Iraq because: a) Walter Pincus is a "cryptic" writer who isn't "storifyable"; b) there is limited space on the front page, and executive editor Leonard Downie Jr. likes to have health and education and Orioles coverage and other stuff there; c) the paper got a lot of depressing hate mail questioning its patriotism whenever it questioned the Bush administration; d) their intelligence sources wouldn't go on the record, while Bush and Powell were up there openly saying all this stuff; e) the paper had to rely on the administration because Bob Woodward and Walter Pincus had no "alternative sources of information," and particularly couldn't go to Iraq "without getting killed"; f) the paper, including Woodward, was duped by highly seductive intelligence-community "groupthink"; g) too many of the dissenting sources were retired from government or, even worse, not in government at all; h) stories on intelligence are "difficult to edit"; g) there was "a lot of information to digest"; h) the paper is "inevitably a mouthpiece for whatever administration is in power"; i) a flood of copy about the impending invasion kept skeptical coverage out [Note: This is my favorite. We're already covering the war, so it's too late to explain why we shouldn't go to war.]; and finally, j) none of it matters, because even if the Post had done a more thorough job, there would have been a war anyway.

I think the only one missing is Woodward's we didn't say there were no WMDs because we would have looked stupid if we were wrong.

The real explanations are much simpler. Those controlling the Post's coverage, from Donnie to Downie to Hiatt, were pro-Administration and pro-war, and slanted the paper's coverage accordingly. Woody Woodward was sucking up to the Administration to maintain access for his own lucrative ass-kissing books. Many of the Post's reporters -- such as Steno Sue -- reported (and still report) the Administration's line -- eagerly and uncritically, and are not called to account for their propaganda.

Of course, these troubling explanations aren't even floated in Howie's article. If the Putz even suggested them, his article would never see the light of day. And he knows it, like his job depends on it.

That the Post's coverage was so inaccurate and so slanted is not subject to dispute, so Howie's article wasn't necessary to point that out. It was simply an effort at damage control. So the Putz writes a story which shifts blame away from the paper (newspapering is hard) while refusing to blame either the paper or the Administration.

Look at it this way: The Putz is supposed to be a media critic. In this case, he's nominally critiquing his own paper. But the Putz's article quotes only one critic (Michael Massing), who is given three sentences to say that the Post did better than most, but was napping along with everyone else. The rest of the article is the Post's defenses -- which allows the Post to control, frame and distort the criticism of the paper's whoring. It's the equivalent of a trial where the alleged crime is captured on tape, but the defense gets to tell the jury what the law is and is the only one allowed to call witnesses.

Or look at it another way: One of the Post's contradictory defenses is that the paper had -- and published -- the information, it just failed to give it the prominence it deserved. But that claim negates the paper's other defenses, such as incompetence or the "difficulty of reporting," and conclusively establishes that the paper was whoring for Bush and his war.

Either way, the Putz hasn't restored any of the Post's lost credibility.

Electronic Voting Fraud Not Brought to You by Diebold

The Washington Post is running a scam to get people to register for its website contest to nominate the Best Blogs of 2004.

I'm not going to tell you who you should vote for, but just imagine the hilarity that would ensue if the Post had to link to a Best Blogger who ran a week of hard-hitting reports on the antics of Howie the Putz, Steno Sue and Chas. Quackhammer.

I think you know what I'm sayin'.

Or you could vote for a blog that really deserves it.

Convention-Faloozas

The G.O.P. has just announced its third set of convention speakers.

Let's just say the bench is not very deep:

Governor Mitt Romney: Utah carpetbagger and tax avoider.

Lt. Gov. Kerry Healey: Who? Who cares.

Brian Sandoval: Opponent of Bush's Yucca Mountain nuclear waste dumping plan. Has Bush thrown Bri a bone to ensure his silence?

Bernie "Cut and Run" Kerik: Spent a couple of months in Iraq, teaching policing skills, then split. Mission Accomplished!

Elaine Chao: close personal friend of Johnny Chung.

Rep. Paul Ryan (WI): Has the same last name sex-in-public freak, and kinda looks like him, but isn't.

Michael Reagan: The son Ronald Reagan forgot. Thirty years before he had an excuse. And who can blame Ronnie?

Via Jim Capozzola and The Rittenhouse Review, another good reason not to use eBay/PayPal:

Name, Occupation, Employer Contribution Address

MRS. MEG WHITMAN
PRESIDENT/C.E.O.
E. BAY INC. George W. Bush
$2,000 2145 HAMILTON Ave
SAN JOSE, CA 95125

I can't imagine why the G.O.P. wouldn't invite to its convention two kind souls who proclaimed the toppling of the World Trade Towers part of God's magnificent plan. In New York City.

How unchristian can you get?

If anyone knows how to get rid of that flippin' hideous bar at the top of the screen, let me know.

G.I. Joe Veterans For Truth

"Our entire platoon was ordered to attack Cobra base just to free all these addlepated G.I. Joes," Robertson said. "We risked our lives to save the Joes -- not the other way around." During the pitched battle, Robertson disarmed and captured three Cobra soldiers by shooting a nearby tree with his blue laser gun, causing the tree to fall on the enemy, trapping them. "I was dodging red lasers left and right," Robertson added. "G.I. Joe said he'll fight for freedom wherever there's trouble. That was a lie."
...


"None of the grunts were present for G.I. Joe organizational meetings," Flint said. "We're grateful to them for all they've done for our country, but they simply don't understand the tough choices G.I. Joe has had to make to keep America safe over the past 40 years. He kept Cobra Commander from carving his face on the moon with a giant laser. He shut down Destro's Texas dude ranch. He stopped the Crimson Guard from replacing all the world's money with Cobra currency. G.I. Joe was there."

Asked about the number of times G.I. Joe let major international terrorists escape, Flint scoffed. "Let them escape? No way. These guys have escape plans, jet packs, submarines constantly at the ready. We're just trying to foil their plans while keeping all our men safe. That's why the 1985-86 Cobra war was the only war ever fought by U.S. troops in which no American or enemy soldiers died."

Brother From Another Planet

From Keyes Kookooland:

During an earlier appearance on a national television talk show, Keyes said Obama can't relate to other blacks because he is not from the same heritage as most African Americans.

Meanwhile, in the real world:

Keyes, the conservative political figure from Maryland who entered the Senate race last week after GOP nominee Jack Ryan withdrew his candidacy, made his first trip Saturday into the heart of Chicago's black community. Keyes, an African-American, was greeted with a resounding chorus of jeers and boos that bordered on outright hostility.

"Go back to Maryland!" and "Down with Keyes!" were the most common refrains.

The 75-year-old Billiken parade, which ran south along Martin Luther King Drive from Pershing Road to 55th Street, is touted as the largest African-American parade in the country and the biggest in Chicago. Besides baton twirlers, cowboys on horseback and colorful floats, politicians seeking black votes are wise not to forgo the gathering on the South Side.

By contrast, Democrat Barack Obama was treated to a king's welcome, with thousands of parade-goers hoisting blue-and-white Obama signs, wearing Obama stickers and shrieking in pure joy as his float passed by. They serenaded the Hyde Park Democrat with chants of "O-Ba-Ma! O-Ba-Ma! O-Ba-Ma!"

Yikes!

This is scary. Not only did s.z. at World O'Crap propose the Dick Dasen story for the Police Blotter, she thought of the same headline before I did.

It's like we're the Olsen Twins.

Jeralyn Merritt (who provided some outstanding commentary on Aaron Brown's show last Thursday) has received blogging press credentials for the Kobe Bryant trial.

Maybe I should try to get credentials for the Dick Dasen trial. I bet I could get a room at the Kalispell Motel 6 for a reasonable rate.

Convention-Palooza

To kick off our virtual coverage of the Republican National Convention, here's the G.O.P.'s list of celebrities who will attend the convention.

Michael W. Smith - He's created 16 albums, which have received Dove and Grammy awards. He has also opened a club for teenagers in Nashville which serves as a safeplace for young people to enjoy music and art.

Daniel Rodriguez - Nicknamed "America's Tenor," this former NYC police officer is known for his stirring renditions of "God Bless America" and the national anthem. He has since released three albums.

Daize Shayne - After having only 6 years of surfing experience, Daize entered and won the women's World Longboard Championships. Daize recently released her first album, The Way I Do. She also models and works as an on - mike personality for ESPN, Fox Sports, and others.

Ron Silver - Silver, a Tony Award winning actor on Broadway, is a native of New York and a longtime outspoken liberal, but has recently expressed his strong support for President Bush and the War on Terror. Beyond Broadway, he has also been in many films and television programs.

The Gatlin Brothers - Larry, Steve, and Rudy Gatlin have been staples in the country music business. They have been making hits since the 1970's and they scored a Grammy with the song "Broken Lady." The Gatlin Brothers ended their nationwide touring in 1992 with their Adios Tour.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck - Elisabeth participated in the second season of the Survivor reality game show, which took place in the Australian Outback. Currently, Mrs. Hasselbeck is a co - host of ABC's daytime talk show, The View and is married to Washington Redskins quarterback Tim Hasselbeck.

Sara Evans - Sara began singing with her family's band in Missouri at the age five and has not stopped singing since. She has had great success in country music, scoring multiple Top Five hits as well as having a Number One album and Number One song. She has sold over 3 million albums.

Dana Glover - Before launching her music career, Dana worked as a model in New York City. She is famously known for writing and singing the song "It Is You I Have Loved All Along" from the "Shrek" soundtrack, which has been certified platinum.

This has been linked elsewhere, but here's a resource which collects the essential debunking of the Bat Shit Veterans For Bush, uh, Swift Boat Veterans For Truth.

Here are some great pictures of the Kerry rally in Portland on August 13.

The strange thing is that all 50,000 people in attendance were there only because the speaker wasn't Bush.

Maybe Chris "We always have been at war with Iraqia" Snitchens should venture out into the light and meet some of these folks.

Grand Old Police Blotter: The Five Million Dollar Man Edition

Regular Roger readers will recall the story of Kalispell, Montana's number one Republican philanthropist, Dick Dasen.

Mr. Dasen's story has now gone nationwide:

KALISPELL, Mont. -- Until he was arrested this year in his underwear in a motel room with a nearly naked young woman who was behind in her payments to his finance company, no businessman in this town was more respected than Richard Dasen.

He had won the "Great Chief" award, the highest honor a local business leader can receive from the chamber of commerce. A nominating letter for the award described him as "the epitome of the reason we all want to live in the Kalispell area." [Doh! - ed.]

Dasen was an energetic force in the construction of a new hospital, a ski resort and a large hotel that established this northwest Montana town of 15,000 as a player in the convention business of the Rocky Mountain West. He was impressively energetic, too, in charitable and social causes, serving as a church elder, helping teenagers finish high school and volunteering his time to Christian Financial Counseling, which helped people manage debts.

If you ever find yourself the subject of a news story that includes paragraphs like those last two, consider yourself fucked.

Since his arrest in February in a sting operation at a cut-rate local motel, police have unearthed a side of Dasen's life that, while impressively energetic, is decidedly less civic-minded.

Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren, has allegedly told police that he paid more than $1 million over the past decade to have sex with young women, many of whom were addicted to drugs and in debt to him, according to court documents.

Asked by police how many women were involved, Dasen said there had been too many to count.

...

Investigators counting his checks -- he paid by check, in amounts between $1,000 and $6,000 per encounter, sometimes as much as $130,000 a month -- now estimate that Dasen spent at least $5 million, said Charles Harball, the city attorney.

Five million. Just think what Alan Keyes could have done with that money.

"He pretty much single-handedly funded the methamphetamine trade here in Kalispell for a number of years," Harball said, as women used the money Dasen paid them to pay for their habits.

Dick Dasen's girlfriends -- the original Crank Yankers.

The state Department of Public Health and Human Services also is trying to find out what Dasen, as a court-appointed conservator, did with $500,000 that had been awarded in a product-liability settlement for the long-term care of a severely brain-damaged child.

Now that's compassionate conservatism.

Dasen so far has been charged with rape for allegedly paying a 15-year-old girl for sex. The age of consent in Montana is 16. He also has been charged with two felony counts of promoting prostitution. He has pleaded not guilty to all charges, and his attorney, George Best, declined to comment on any aspect of the case.

Dasen is free on $50,000 bond and staying with his wife at their Arizona vacation home.

Separate bedrooms, I'd guess.

A trial on the rape and prostitution charges is scheduled for early next year, and law-enforcement officials say that they are continuing an investigation into any accounting and tax irregularities concerning Dasen.

Accounting irregularities? Why would they suspect those?

Then there is the matter of Dasen's DNA, which the state crime lab says was detected on a semen-stained bedspread in Room 233 of the Kalispell Motel 6 -- the room in which Darlene Wilcock, 26, was found strangled in April of last year. No one has been arrested in connection with her death.

A law-enforcement official familiar with the woman's autopsy report said that semen from two men, neither of them Dasen, was found on her body.

This sounds lurid enough for CNN and Faux News prime-time. Why no coverage? Surely not IOKIYAR?

Must we wait for the Lifetime movie directed by David Lynch?

Many of the women Dasen allegedly paid for sex met him for the first time when they came to Christian Financial Counseling for help in consolidating and managing their debts. Dasen ran the nonprofit and also owns a private finance firm, Budget Finance.

...

"Dick's dark side was done with extreme discretion," said Dean Jellison, a retired lawyer who has known Dasen for nearly 35 years. "The news was a complete and utter shock to the community."

Except to all those local motel clerks, the bank clerks who cashed his checks, and so many women Dasen couldn't keep count.

"He was incredibly benevolent," said Denise Cofer, a local activist in the Christian Coalition and a candidate in the fall election for county commissioner. She said Dasen was a supporter of conservative Christian causes, such as opposition to abortion.

"If there was a need in the community, he was there," she said.

I'm sure none of the five mil went to pay for abortions, right, Denise?

Yet, the rumors apparently had percolated down to many working-class people, especially those with debt problems.

"When my wife and I were having some problems, a friend recommended that we go see Dasen," said Steve Southland, a warehouse manager. "But my friend knew enough to warn me not to send my wife alone."

Mr. Southland was also an acquaintance of Darlene Wilcock, according to this story.

According to the Washington Post's version of the article, Dasen told police "that he believes he has a problem, perhaps an addiction. But he added, according to the affidavit, that he believes he is more addicted to 'helping' than to sex." Tell that to the brain-damaged child now suffering from malnutrition and infected ulcers, allegedly because you lost the settlement money, Dick.

Dasen also has been named in a civil suit by two teenage girls he allegedly paid for sex. Given Dasen's righteous outrage at frivolous litigation, we expect he'll fight that suit with everything he's got.

Peg Will Not Be Ignored

Time magazine reporter Michael Duffy is now churning out press releases for Delphinia Nooners:

Part poet, part pol, Peggy Noonan was the Republican Party's go-to speechwriter for nearly a decade. Ronald Reagan turned to her to mark the 40th anniversary of D-day -- "These are the boys of Pointe du Hoc" -- and it was Noonan who helped the first George Bush find his voice in 1988. Her notion of a "kinder, gentler America" was picked up by Bush to soften the G.O.P.'s image after eight years of Reagan conservatism.

Quick... where's my insulin?

Noonan then quit politics and went on to fame as a pundit and author.

Quick ... where's reality?

Now Noonan is jumping back in the game as the party prepares its prime-time convention line-up in New York City and another Bush White House is looking for ways to modulate its message.

But who will modulate Peg's meds?

Noonan won't be penning this Bush's speech, G.O.P. sources tell TIME....

Hey, Duffy. I'm not penning this Bush's speech either. No one ever thought she would.

... instead, she will lend her hand to the addresses of New York Governor George Pataki and Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum. Though from different wings of the party -- Santorum is a faith-based conservative and Pataki a moderate -- both are believed to harbor national ambitions and could use Noonan's help in making the most of their moment in the spotlight.

I'm sure they're both thrilled to hear Peg tell Duffy that they need her help.

A master at turning ideology -- or the lack of it -- into something inspiring, Noonan has plenty to do.

There's no "r" in insipid, Mike.

Republicans watched the Democrats mount an almost pitch-perfect middle-of-the-road convention in Boston and are wondering how they can match it. Although Noonan was not recruited by the White House ("She broke down the door," says a Bush supporter), top Bush aides telephoned her last week to welcome her aboard.

Welcome aboard, you meddling lunatic! Could you make yourself the story, instead of Bush? Much appreciated!

Ahmad and Dangerous

From Special Guest of Mrs. Bush at the State of the Union to brother-in-arms with a violent anti-American fundamentalist in eight short months.

Despite the day's troubles, there were signs that Mr. Chalabi might be enjoying the new attention. In an appeal to poor Shiites, his staff printed posters with his face and the words, "We'll be back to stop the massacre at Najaf," the city where the rebel Shiite cleric Moktada al-Sadr has been under siege by American and Iraqi forces since last week.

As for Mr. Chalabi's relationship with Mr. Sadr, Mr. Musawi said that the two men "are not that close. Yet."

Surely the misunderstood Mr. Chalabi isn't threatening violence against U.S. troops.

Right?

Roger's Entertainment Tonight

Two stories, seemingly unrelated.

But are they?

One:

"So what's the best movie of all?" Frey asked.

"Oooh! The best movie ever made is 'The Shining,'" Peterson replied.

Two:

Maybe Alan Keyes should set his sights on Broadway instead of Washington.

As part of a local news story that aired Wednesday, the new Republican U.S. Senate candidate delivered a soulful rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" for the camera, complete with vibrato and sweeping hand gestures that would make Judy Garland proud.

One Million Dollars

I kid you not:

Illinois--and indeed all of America--needs Alan Keyes in the Senate, at this critical time in our nation's history! For that to happen, the Keyes for Senate campaign immediately needs a million dollars from the grassroots.

Hey, I immediately need a million dollars too. Get in line, carpetbagger!

Deep Throat, The Sequel

Seems Howie the Putz didn't go into hiding due to his shame for inviting Armstrong Williams onto his CNN program. Instead he was breaking the story that the Washington Post was whoring for the Administration on Iraq.

Next up: Howie's exclusive that water is a liquid.

Here's the scoop:

An examination of the paper's coverage, and interviews with more than a dozen of the editors and reporters involved, shows that The Post published a number of pieces challenging the White House, but rarely on the front page. Some reporters who were lobbying for greater prominence for stories that questioned the administration's evidence complained to senior editors who, in the view of those reporters, were unenthusiastic about such pieces. The result was coverage that, despite flashes of groundbreaking reporting, in hindsight looks strikingly one-sided at times.

Hindsight, my eye.

And why is Howie silent on Steno Sue's parroting of Administration lies?

Woodward, for his part, said it was risky for journalists to write anything that might look silly if weapons were ultimately found in Iraq. Alluding to the finding of the Sept. 11 commission of a "groupthink" among intelligence officials, Woodward said of the weapons coverage: "I think I was part of the groupthink."

No, Woody, you're just a: Doubleplus ungood hack.

Priest noted, however, that skeptical stories usually triggered hate mail "questioning your patriotism and suggesting that you somehow be delivered into the hands of the terrorists."

Instead, the obstacles ranged from editing difficulties and communication problems to the sheer mass of information the newsroom was trying to digest during the march to war.

Newspapering is hard, and the mean freepers send nasty e-mails!

"People who were opposed to the war from the beginning and have been critical of the media's coverage in the period before the war have this belief that somehow the media should have crusaded against the war," Downie said. "They have the mistaken impression that somehow if the media's coverage had been different, there wouldn't have been a war."

Don't blame us, we're worthless.

Inbred Missourians For Lies

David Limbaugh, the non-junkie, assboil-less yet still least successful of the Limbaugh boys, isn't willing to vouch for any Swift Boat Liars' lies, but he is willing to spread some b.s. about liars themselves:

Concerning the veracity of the charges, consider that the "Swiftees" are not GOP mouthpieces -- some are Democrats. They approached Regnery Publishing with their book proposal, not the other way around. Their account is based on their firsthand knowledge -- not hearsay -- and would be admissible in any court proceeding involving these issues.

Compare Limpball's b.s. with the Media Matters expose of the bigoted Republican who co-authored the Regnery book.

Two-Flat Faker

Alan Keyes has found himself a new home -- Calumet City, Illinois.

If that doesn't tell you he has no intention of living in Illinois, nothing does.

Keyes To The Cashbox

The Keyes candidacy has resulted in a boost to fundraising at Keyes' wackjob website, Renewamerica.us. As of Sunday, August 8, the website had raised less than $2,000 in a fundraising drive that started July 20. As of Tuesday morning, Keyes' fundraising thermometer is at $6,228.

Ka-ching!

Meanwhile, Keyes columnist Brian Mark Weber says "Keyes Is No Carpetbagger," based on the premise that a carpetbagger is a woman who is lustful for power, determined to pave her way to the presidency and whose name rhymes with Rat-Socialist-Bitch-Hillary-Clinton.

To which I can only say:

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines carpetbagger as an "OUTSIDER; especially : a nonresident or new resident who meddles in politics."

Try harder next time, Bri. You can't argue with the dictionary.

Try To Imagine Dirty Dick Doing This

From the Associated Press:

The candidates, along with U.S. Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Ill., spent about 15 minutes shaking hands, posing for pictures and signing autographs in Manny's Coffee Shop & and Deli, just south of the city's downtown business district.

None of the three took questions, but they made their way around the room, listening as diners talked about their concerns.

A number of times, Edwards and Obama, a state senator who represents Chicago's South Side, together talked with people in the cafeteria-style restaurant that for decades has been a favorite spot for working people, police officers, businessmen and retirees and local politicians.

Paul Weber, a 37-year-old plumber, told Edwards that many people he knows are losing their jobs and that the situation is bleak for the working class.

Edwards replied that the country needs a president with a plan to keep jobs in the United States, someone who will stop giving tax breaks to companies that outsource jobs and who is committed to bringing jobs back to the communities that have lost them.

Cornell Deserters For Truth

During the height of the Vietnam War, Alan Keyes wasn't afraid put his principles above his personal safety, leave college and ... go to another university.

Already on the way to becoming a conservative, Keyes left Cornell after Vietnam War protests there and enrolled at Harvard, where he met many who now travel in the same conservative circles as he. At Harvard, he earned both a bachelor's and a PhD, writing his dissertation on the early writings of Alexander Hamilton.

Now that's integrity.

The Golden State

"Ralph Nader failed to gather enough signatures to make the ballot in California as an independent presidential candidate, but his campaign said Saturday that it would keep trying to get his name before the state's voters in November.

"State election officials said Nader fell far short of the 153,035 signatures needed by Friday's deadline. The consumer activist submitted 82,923 with 56 of the state's 58 counties reporting, said Lauren Hersh, a spokeswoman for the secretary of state's office."

(Link via TalkLeft.)

Keyes To Your Financial Success

Alan Keyes demonstrates his fiscal responsibility:

Keyes still owes $524,169 from his two presidential bids, according to federal elections records. He also owes $7,481 in unpaid state income taxes in his home state of Maryland, according to court records.

The state filed a lien against Keyes in December 2001 for those unpaid taxes. Bill Pascoe, a Keyes adviser, said the tax bill was erroneous and Keyes only owed $152, which he paid on Friday.

Alan, let me tell you the real secret to financial independence ... Blogging.

(But not this one.)

Our Long National Nightmare Is Over

The one of 30 years ago.

There's still three months to go on the current one.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Don't Mess With Northwestern Edition

Who said there's no good news coming out of Iraq? It sounds like the new government's criminal justice system is working just fine.

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Iraq has issued arrest warrants for Ahmad Chalabi, a former Governing Council member with strong U.S. ties, on counterfeiting charges, and for his nephew Salem Chalabi -- head of the tribunal trying Saddam Hussein -- on murder charges, Iraq's chief investigating judge said Sunday.

The warrant was the latest strike against Ahmad Chalabi in his removal from the centers of power. A longtime Iraqi exile opposition leader, he had been a favorite of many in the Pentagon but fell out with the Americans in the weeks before the U.S. occupation ended in June.

Both men denied the charges, dismissing them as part of a political conspiracy against them and their family.

As for Ahmad, the authorities' first clue was Judith Miller's face on the 200 dinar note.

As for Salem, I hope this doesn't delay Saddam's trial.

Clarification

A clarification for those who have come across this site via TalkLeft.

My blogging coverage of the Republican National Convention will be based on watching C-SPAN and reading coverage on the internet.

I was going to attend, but those terror warnings have me spooked.

The coverage will still be good, more or less.

What's Your Beef, Wellington?

WHAT: Welcoming Rally for Ambassador Alan Keyes

WHERE: Wellington Restaurant, 2121 South Arlington Heights Road, Arlington Heights, IL

WHEN: Sunday, August 8, 2004 at 2:00 PM

Alan Keyes Is Fucking Nuts Update

I hope the Illnois Republican Party isn't looking to Keyes to fill its campaign coffers. The lunatic from Maryland has been fundraising at his website since July 20, and has raised a total of $1,993 in the last two weeks.

And check out the diversity of Keyes' campaign supporters in the top photo. It's a Dick Cheney lookalike reunion, but they invited an old guy with a beard to demonstrate their inclusiveness.

Headless Man Fools Gormless Media

The webpages already have been replaced in most cases, but Google News lists some of the illustrious news organizations that reported the decapitation of an American by Islamic militants.

Web Site Shows the Decapitation of an American in Iraq
FOX News -- 3 hours ago

CAIRO, Egypt -- Video on an Islamic militant Web site shows the decapitation of an American in Iraq. According to information supplied ...

American Decapitated in Online Video
ABC News -- 3 hours ago
CAIRO, Egypt Aug. 7, 2004 -- An Islamic militant Web site showed video Saturday of an American man being beheaded seconds after ...
Web Site Shows Video of American in Iraq Beheaded
ABC News -- 4 hours ago
Aug. 7, 2004 -- DUBAI (Reuters) -- A group linked to al Qaeda ally Abu Musab al-Zarqawi has beheaded an American hostage in Iraq ...

In some cases, the story has led to the creation of new words:

American beheaded in online video
Chicago Sun Times, IL -- 1 hour ago
BY NADIA ABOU EL-MAGD ASSOCIATED PRESS. CAIRO, Egypt -- New video aired Saturday purportedly shows a San Francisco man being depacitated ...

Such a cruel trick to play on the media and the warbloggers. (Although the warfloggers should be spinning this as an another triumph of the Bush Administration right about now.)

Celebrating Diversity Through Lazy, Half-Assed Copywriting

From the Republican National Convention website:

President Bush has appointed one of the most diverse cabinets in the history of America.

His cabinet includes several firsts, including the appointments of Colin Powell, the first African-American Secretary of State; Condoleezza Rice, the first African-American woman to serve as National Security Advisory Advisor; Elaine Chao, the first Chinese American to serve as Secretary of Labor; and Gale Norton, the first woman to serve as Secretary of the Interior.

Also holding key cabinet posts are: HUD Secretary Alphonso Jackson (former HUD Secretary Mel Martinez); Secretary of Education Rod Paige; Secretary of Transportation Norm Mineta; and Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham.

President Bush has appointed a number of minorities to high-level positions throughout his administration including SBA Administrator Hector Barreto; GSA Administrator Steve Perry; Surgeon General Dr. Richard Carmona; NIH Director Dr. Elias Zerhouni; White House Counsel Judge Alberto Gonzales; Roger Ferguson, Vice Chairman of the Federal Reserve; Michael Powell, Chairman of the Federal Communications Commission; Kay James, Director of the Office of Personnel Management; and Steve Perry, Administrator of General Services (GSA).

Did we mention Steve "General Services Administration Administrator" Perry? How about Advising National Security Advisor of the Advisory NSA Advisors, Condoleezza Rice?

And what white-bread genius wrote this gibberish:

Unlike the Democrat's [sic] quota system, the Republican Party's open process has garnered a percentage increase 4 times greater than the percentage increase of minorities at the Democrat Convention since 2000.

In comparison, the well documented Democrat Party quota system and slight increase in minority representation at the 2004 Democrat National Convention (as compared to 2000) also illustrates that minorities are connecting with the Republican Party.

If those paragraphs don't shake Bush's belief that every child can learn, I don't know what will.

Jeez, I know it looks like I get all my stories from Pandagon, but it's just a coincidence.

My Name Is Peggy, And I'm Here To Help

Having taken leave of her senses many years ago, Peggy Nooners is also taking leave of the Wall Street Journal editorial page (or is she just on the website?) to work for the Republican party.

Doing something.

Who knows?

No, nobody asked her.

Not even the Illinois Republican Party.

Not even the Tennessee Republican Party.

I am going to take three months' unpaid leave from The Wall Street Journal and attempt to support the Republican Party in the coming and crucial election. (Every four years everyone says "this is the most important election of my lifetime," but this year I believe it is true.) I'm going to give whatever advice and encouragement I have in terms of strategy, approach, message--I hate that word--and issues. No one has asked me to do this, and I do it as a volunteer, not for a salary but simply to give my time to help what I think is the more helpful side. This will take a bite out of my finances but I can do it. Actually most of us, when we die, wind up with a few thousand dollars in the bank. We should have spent it! I am going to spend mine now.

The White House does not need my help. They have the best political strategists, communications specialists and speechwriters since the Reagan era, which had the best of all these since the time of JFK. President Bush has his sound, and it's a good one. He's getting his sea legs on the stump--it's hard to go from being-president to being-president-and-running again-for-president, it's a bit of a shift and is always awkward. But he's got it together and they've got it together.

She's making a financial sacrifice, dammit!

The sperm donor can pay for the brat's college education.

Bush needs her.

Even if he doesn't know it yet.

He'll see.

Just you wait.

Annie, Are You Okay?

World O'Crap has the final autopsy on raging nut-bag Annie Jacobsen, the "financial writer" who worked herself to a frenzy when some Arab men boarded her flight. Does this loon really think she can make a career out of her self-obsessed paranoia? Sure, Peggy Noonan did, but she's a special case.

News From The Home Of The Instapundit

Why isn't the Insta-Saltine crying about "the crushing of dissent" in his own party? In his own home state.

An unabashed racist who runs a website claiming the genetic superiority of the white race will contest a congressional seat in Tennessee for the Republican party. The party had urged voters to support a late contender for the nomination to keep James Hart off the ballot.

But Mr Hart, an estate agent, won more than 82% of the vote against Dennis Bertrand, a financial analyst and a member of the national guard who served in Iraq.

Mr Bertrand was too late to get his name on the nomination ballot and had to stand as a write-in candidate.

Mr Hart, who has been repeatedly thwarted in his attempts to enter public life, said he was surprised by his victory.

"I didn't expect to win," he told reporters. "I thought their network would beat my ideas."

He is unlikely to win the seat in November. His Democratic party opponent, John Tanner, has spent 16 years in Congress, and was re-elected two years ago with 70% of the vote.

...

The local newspaper described his views as "odious, disgraceful, and racist". On his website Mr Hart, who calls himself an "intellectual outlaw", is an enthusiastic promoter of eugenics.

He refers to "favoured" and "less favoured" races and calls for an increased birth rate among couples with a university education.

He conducted his campaign wearing a protective vest and carrying a pistol.

Sounds like the kind of victim of political correctness the Good Professor loves to crusade for. Has Wes Pruden endorsed Hart yet?

p.s. The Republiklan's website is jameshartforcongress-dot-com, which I'm not going to link to. He's running for U.S. Representative in the Eighth Congressional District.

Alabama Mail Room Veterans For Bush

I hear they will appear at the Republican convention, in the missing man formation.

The Keyesnote Address

C'mon, RNC. It's a great way to appeal to your base at the convention. Do it!

It's a shame they couldn't get Orion Samuelson to run. He could have stayed on the radio and pretended to be the late Paul Simon.

Keyes: "Screw Federalism, My Friggin' Website Isn't Making Me Any Money"

Mark Brown of the Chicago Sun-Times finds the Keyes quote everyone (or at least me) has been looking for:

That's why Keyes is getting off on a bad foot here, given the statement he made to Pat Buchanan on Fox News in March 2000 about suggestions he move to New York to run against Hillary Clinton.

"I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness to go into a state she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent people there, so I certainly wouldn't imitate it," Keyes said then.

Update: This is old news. I should have Googled it like MoDo told me.

Alan Keyes Is Fucking Nuts

The most exciting aspect of Alan Keyes' consideration of a run for a Senate in Illinois is the thought of Keyes' RenewAmerica columnists staffing his Senate office.

Imagine Kaye Grogan as Keyes' campaign manager:

Since Florida Governor Jeb Bush is the brother of President Bush, I believe if the dots could have been connected, we might have been led straight to that ole' smelly rat. Many Floridians seemed primed up and ready for the controversy -- after the liberal news media called Florida for Al Gore, well in advance of the closure of voting polls in the 2000 election. And we are already hearing about another possible "fallout" in the presidential election in Florida on the first Tuesday in November 2004. Voter problems might be more believable if another state besides Florida became the prime target for voter difficulties. Attempts to make Gov. Jeb Bush and former Secretary of State Katherine Harris "patsies" in the 2000 election finally failed, making many conservatives breathe a big "sigh" of relief.

I'd "hate" to be Barack "Obama" if Kaye called for a "recount."

How about Matthew Diefenbacher for press secretary:

Memorials have played a major role in the psychology of human culture since the birth of recorded history. This paradigm has not shifted significantly in thousands of years. Memorials have evolved out of our acknowledgement of death, from the base level of the handling of the dead in a dignified manner to our respect for not only the deceased body, but for the "spirit" as well. Quite simply, once the body is prepared and interned in the appropriate, cultural manner, the sight of the final resting place is usually signified by a device such as a gravestone or marker, an indicator of the deceased and their time spent on the earth. Their defined time in history is recognized and finalized. Nothing can take that away. As a society we press to ensure and legitimize this fact by acknowledging these tributes.

On second thought, he can be in charge of the interns.

And Sam Weaver as keeper of the dictionary:

Webster's New World Dictionary defines morality: "1) moral quality or character; rightness or wrongness, as of an action 2) the character of being in accord with the principles or standards of right conduct; right conduct; sometimes, specif., virtue in sexual conduct 3) principles of right and wrong in conduct; ethics 4) a particular system of such principles...."

By the way, what is it with these wingnuts quoting the dictionary? "Can't argue with that logic ... He's quoting from the dictionary!"

Sadly, all of these people are saner than Alan Keyes.

MoDo, Mo Problems

I heard most of the interview of MoDo on Fresh Air with Terry Gross. It just confirmed that Dowd is a waste of space. She has quite a grating voice (one suspects that's the real reason she "doesn't do television"). She also confirmed that the extent of her reporting is Googling her insults two hours before deadline to make sure someone hadn't already used them. And someone had to teach her how to use Google.

The Times has run her pointless column for nearly 10 years. It's time to give the space to someone with something to say.

Noball

Here's the measure of Howard Fineman's integrity:

Fineman, a "Hardball" regular who has moonlighted at MSNBC and NBC for the past six years while writing for Newsweek magazine, went on Don Imus' radio show Friday and compared the ratings-challenged "Hardball" to Matthews' much more popular syndicated Sunday show.

"One reason why Chris Matthews' Sunday show is so successful is that the producer there tells Chris, 'Shut up!'" Fineman told Imus, who was goading him to criticize Matthews. "And he does, and the rest of us get to talk."

...


On MSNBC.com a couple of hours later, Fineman wrote: "Sometimes when you are tired - when you've been yakking all week and racing from a convention hall to a political reception to an interview - you screw up, big time, as Dick Cheney would say.

"Well, I did that this morning by failing to defend the best political mind on TV, my loyal colleague and host Chris Matthews ... Matthews is the best thing on political TV."

There's a man who won't sell his soul for less than spot on a cable show with sub-basement ratings. You can always trust Howard -- to kiss the biggest ass in town.

Thank You

I want to express my great appreciation to a thoughtful reader who purchased an ad for me over at Talk Left. I'd also like to thank Jeralyn Merritt for her technical assistance in creating the ad.

Whether or not the ad attracts more readers, it's the quality of the readers here that always impresses and inspires me.

The Woman Tempted Me, And I Did Sin

It's the oldest excuse in the Book:

A Catholic priest and nun have been convicted in Malawi for making love in an airport car park. The 43-year-old priest and 26-year-old nun were caught "in the act" in a tinted saloon car parked at Lilongwe International Airport.

"It was a bizarre spectacle, the public alerted airport police after noticing the car shaking in a funny way," police spokesman Kelvin Maigwa told the BBC.

The pair received a suspended six-month jail sentence with hard labour.

...

In a packed and giggling court-room, both the priest and the nun pleaded guilty to the charge of indecent behaviour in a public place and disorderly conduct.

The nun tearfully told the magistrate she regretted her brief lapse in judgement, while the priest said that as a man of God he accepted Satan had tempted him.

Funny, I'd assumed Satan was much bigger than that.

(Thanks to mw.)

Leo The Lyin' Hater

How's this for some old-fashioned religious bigotry:

Barack Obama, the impressive new African-American star of the Democratic Party, told us how blue-state Americans "worship an awesome God," the implication being that Democrats generally are deeply committed to religion and overcome by the power and majesty of God. Even semialert people who follow politics with one eye shut know this isn't really the case. As umpteen scholars have pointed out, the Democrats are morphing into a secular, or nonbelieving party, while the most fervent nonminority Christians are moving into the Republican column.

That's John Leo the Lyin', over at Clown Hall.

Yes, the party of Jimmy Carter, the Reverend Al Sharpton, the Reverend Jesse Jackson and Joe Lieberman is the non-believing party. And notice how the weaselly bastard qualifies his bogus thesis by referring to "nonminority Christians." Christians of color don't count in Leo's warped worldview. (Maybe he counts them as 3/5ths Christian.) People of other faiths also don't count as far as Leo's concerned.

Later on, Leo reveals the depth of his intolerance:

Two political scientists, in a 2001 study published in the Public Interest, concluded that the origins of the culture war can be traced to "the increased prominence of secularists within the Democratic Party and the party's resulting antagonism toward traditional values." The authors,describe a "secularist putsch" among the Democrats, explaining that it made the Republicans the traditionalist party "by default more than by overt action." According to Bolce and De Maio, the secularist constituency is as important to Democrats today as organized labor. Under these circumstances, invoking God (seven mentions in the Democratic platform) drags marketing to the point of hypocrisy. Get used to it. The Democrats will be strongly religious -- right up till November 2.

That's right, if a Democrat claims to be religious, she's lying. Leo's beef is the Democratic Party's tolerance for nonbelievers -- and believers who don't share Leo's "traditional values." The Dems actually show the same respect for people with no religion as those who have a religious faith. Why, the Dems even respect atheists as much as they respect union members. To Leo, that's a disgrace.

Nephews Of The Pioneers

SANTIAGO, Chile (Reuters) - Chileans always gave ex-dictator Augusto Pinochet (news - web sites) credit for keeping his hand out of the till during his bloody 17-year regime, but a new scandal over multimillion dollar bank accounts could ruin the general's corruption-free reputation.

A U.S. Senate report released in July concluded Washington, D.C.-based Riggs Bank violated money-laundering regulations by hiding up to $8 million and helping Pinochet evade international legal efforts in the 1990s to freeze his assets.

Hmmm..... a bank aiding a murderous right-wing dictator.

Where have I heard that before?

Via Corrente, we learn of the exciting new Barbara and Jenna's Journal or, as their proud pappy calls it, the Pains in the Ass's Journal. Here's the Molson Twins' very special insights:

Hi there. As you probably know we have decided to start campaigning for our Dad. As we travel across America, we'll keep you updated on our trips through the blog. Last week was our first trip alone on the campaign trail, with stops in Missouri, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. We met many great people as we stopped in local campaign offices and W Stands for Women events.

It was incredible to see so many people excited about reelecting our Dad. Throughout the next few months we'll be traveling alone and with our parents, giving you more details of life on the campaign trail.

Until next time!

Such detail. It's almost like they were there.

You May Already Have Lost

Christopher Buckley has used his forum on the NYT Op-ed page to enter the Roger Ailes G.O.P. Convention Soundtrack Contest.

For the Red Team next month, I see a darkened Madison Square Garden. On the huge screen above the stage, dramatic images of American tanks roaring into Baghdad, the speakers suddenly booming Queen's "We Will Rock You!" Peter, Paul & Mary it ain't, but in music, as in policy, why not throw long?

I'm also tempted by ZZ Top's "I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide."

Sorry, Chris. There's a greater chance of the G.O.P. burning Freddie Mercury in effigy than playing those tunes.

But, thanks for trying. As a consolation prize, here's a golden oldie selected especially for you:

Don't think that I don't need you
Don't think I don't wanna please you
No child of mine 'll be bearing
The name of shame I've been wearing

Love child, never quite as good...

Welcome Back My Friends, To The Grand Jury Investigation That Never Ends

WARSAW, Poland (AP) -- The U.S. grand jury investigating the leak of an undercover CIA operative's name has interviewed Secretary of State Colin Powell, but he is not a subject of the inquiry, the State Department said Sunday.

Department spokesman Richard Boucher, traveling with Powell on a diplomatic visit to Poland, said Powell appeared on July 16 at the grand jury's invitation. "The secretary is not a subject of inquiry," Boucher said. "He was pleased to cooperate with the grand jury."

The length of this investigation is inexplicable. Or, rather, easily explainable.