Rearranging Dick Chairs On The Titanic

The Love Boat is making another run, and washed-up matinee idols from the 50s are still the favorite deck chair fillers:

The bad news from USS NR this morning: Both Fred Thompson and Mitt Romney turned down the RNC chair job when I offered it to each this morning. (Aren't you glad to know it's mine to give away?) The good news: Mike Steele seems to be a frontrunner in the hearts of the crowd here.

Yes, Lieut. Gov. Steele is the perfect candidate to implement the G.O.P.'s 15 state strategy.

The Kiss II: Kiss the Mitch

Interesting that Holy Joe lackey Marshall "Bullshit Moose" Wittman runs to The Corner to snivel on behalf of his boss:

Just got off the phone with a Lieberman aide, trying to get to the bottom of what's going to happen with Joe Lieberman now that the election is over. There's been a lot of speculation he'll be stripped of his committee assigments.

According to the aide, Lieberman's met with Harry Reid and discussions were very friendly. Reid wanted him to step down from his post as chairman of Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs in exchange for heading a lesser committee. Lieberman reminded Reid of how loyal he's been to the Democrats in myriad of ways despite the obvious disagreements, and indicated that would be unnacceptable. Reid made it clear he would prefer that Lieberman would remain in the Democratic caucus, and Lieberman agreed. Talks are ongoing.

The aide made it clear that the Daily News report that Lieberman "begged" to keep his committee chairmanship is simply not true.

Further, the aide also said that Republican Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has also reached out to Lieberman. Though Lieberman would like to remain in the Democratic caucus, he's keeping his options open and nothing has been decided about his fate in the senate yet.

Wrong again, moosebreath. Joe the Traitor's fate has been decided. You're just waiting to learn what it is.

The Wasilla Hillbillies Strike Back

The wingnuts are starting their own Civil War, and fighting over who gets to be the Confederacy. But you'd think even the Hillbillies could choose a better leader than Oly Olafson of RedState.

You've got to love this cryptic threat/boast from Oly:

P.S. - Did I ever tell you how RedState was able to stock Gov. Palin's campaign plane with twenty of these?. We were glad to. And we were glad not to mention it at the time. We are rooting for Sarah Palin. Don't make us add you to our list. Do you really want to be next to Kathleen Parker in the leper colony?

Yumpin' Yimimy, Oly. You donated 20 friggin' coffee mugs to Sharia Plain's campaign. Anyone with such awesome power and influence is rightly to be feared.

It's not so much a circular firing squad as a circle jerk with shootin' irons.

Update: TBogg has already spotted Oly's mighty mug boast.

P.S. If I sent the Obama/Biden team a set of steak knives, could I call Joe Lieberman a V.D. sufferer?

Swimmin' Pools, Movie Stars

From Newsweek:

According to two knowledgeable sources, a vast majority of the clothes were bought by a wealthy donor, who was shocked when he got the bill. Palin also used low-level staffers to buy some of the clothes on their credit cards. The McCain campaign found out last week when the aides sought reimbursement. One aide estimated that she spent "tens of thousands" more than the reported $150,000, and that $20,000 to $40,000 went to buy clothes for her husband. Some articles of clothing have apparently been lost. An angry aide characterized the shopping spree as "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," and said the truth will eventually come out when the Republican Party audits its books.

A Palin aide said: "Governor Palin was not directing staffers to put anything on their personal credit cards, and anything that staffers put on their credit cards has been reimbursed, like an expense. Nasty and false accusations following a defeat say more about the person who made them than they do about Governor Palin."

McCain himself rarely spoke to Palin during the campaign, and aides kept him in the dark about the details of her spending on clothes because they were sure he would be offended. Palin asked to speak along with McCain at his Arizona concession speech Tuesday night, but campaign strategist Steve Schmidt vetoed the request.

It's going to take a lot more than that to rehabilitate yourself, Johnny Boy.

How 'bout that Bradley effect?

Deader than Liddy Dole's dessicated soul, I'd say.

Harry Reid's moment of truth:

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid will likely meet later this week with Joe Lieberman to discuss whether the Democrat-turned-Independent will be stripped of his Senate committee chairmanship, a senior Democratic leadership aide tells CNN.

Lieberman currently chairs the Senate's Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee.

This aide says that Reid, who is calling the meeting, has not yet decided what to do.

Mr. Speaker, follow the advice of Colin Powell. Cut it off and kill it.

And then feed it to Marshall Wittman.

Change Is Not The Only Thing Coming

James Wolcott speculates about an Obama Boom:

I wonder how many babies are going to be created on this historic night, because it sounds awfully festive out on the Manhattan streets, as if a lot of happy people are going to get busy later to express their joy and perhaps wake up tomorrow morning in a spent daze, one of those Seth Rogen rom-com scenarios.

I suppose that's better than all those broken hips and emergency room treatments for chemically-induced priapism that would follow a McCain win.

In Case You Were Wondering

From August 5:

If voters approve a November ballot measure banning same-sex marriages in California, thousands of gay and lesbian weddings conducted since the state Supreme Court legalized the unions on May 15 will probably remain valid, Attorney General Jerry Brown said Monday.

The article says the issue will likely come up in the courts.

Biggest, Doughiest Pantload ... Ever

Now that McCain has lost, and Sarah Palin has time to reintroduce herself down the road, the anti-Palin conservatives will almost surely look foolish in retrospect.

Once a moron, always a moron. And that goes for Palin too.

Congratulations to Senator Ted Stevens

You truly are the future of the Republican Party.

Long Live The Revolution!

Long live the Socialist State!

Congratulations, Comrades Ayers, Wright and Khalidi. The streets of the wingnutosphere will run a pale brownish-green with tears and feces of neocons, fundies, phony Dems and libertarian putzes.

My Election Story

My polling place is three blocks from where I live. On the walk over, I saw four Obama/Biden signs. Unfortunately, two of the four were in the same yard as two Yes On 8 signs. I got to the polls at 6:56 a.m., and was eighth in line. I was the sixth voter to place my ballots in the machine. When I left there were about 20 voters in line. The number of voters was slightly up from 2004, when I voted at approximately the same time. No one was wearing campaign gear, and no one disclosed their votes on line. An eldery woman with a walker, but not a billy club, urged me and those in the queue to "Vote right," although she seemed too coherent to be a Republican. I neither wet my pants nor blogged hysterically about this outrageous vote tampering, which will certainly invalidate John McCain's claim of legitimacy, should he prevail.

Shorter Right-Wing Media and Blogosphere: We're All Ashley Todd Now

NO ON 8

The most fun you can have standing up, in a retirement home, with a felt tip marker and a flimsy plastic and aluminum stand.

Palin/Plumber '12

Some are incorrectly assuming that a Palin run for the Presidency in 2012 assumes a McCain loss next week. Not so. Starting in 2009, Vice President Palin can run against President McCain in the primaries without changing the tactics she's using now.

President McCain has met with our enemies and terrorists and is a socialist who's soft on baby killers, as his record in the past six months has shown. McCain and his presumptive second term veepee, Secretary of Defense Joe Lieberman, respond that they are disappointed to learn that Palin's an incompetent moron who's unready to lead. Palin secures the endorsement of Sam Wurzelbacher, who's outraged that McCain's policies have killed both his once thriving hypothetical business and the State of Israel. McCain tells party members he's not Palin, and Palin tells them she's not McCain. Both are the real outsider with a record of reforming the McCain Administration and battling the special interests to which their opponent persistently pander. Both are best equipped to the defeat the presumptive Democratic nominee, Mitt Romney. The candidates' chiefs of staff, John Hagee and Thomas Muthee, face off in a series of church hall debates hosted by Chief Justice Rick Warren.

The possibilities are endless.

Will Instacracker, who was all over Ashley Todd like white on false accusations against Obama supporters, cover this story involving two fellow gun enthusiasts from Tennesee?

A rant against the BATF is always a possibility, or maybe a meditation on anti-gun bias in the media.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Take His Hulk Tie And Shoelaces, He's Goin' Away

A corrupt Alaska Republican not named Palin makes the news today. The Duke Cunningham of the North is going to the federal pen:

The verdict was announced just after 4 p.m. in a packed courtroom in U.S. District Court in Washington. Stevens (R) sat quietly as the jury foreman said the panel had reached a unanimous decision and found Stevens guilty on all seven counts of filing false financial disclosure forms.

Jurors, who re-started their deliberations at 9:30 a.m. today when a juror was replaced by an alternate, were somber as they walked into the courtroom to deliver the verdict and did not look at Stevens. No sentencing date has been set, and Stevens's attorneys are expected to file motions seeking to have the verdict set aside.

Despite the guilty verdict, Stevens remains on the ballot in Alaska, where he is locked in a tight race with Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich.

...

Stevens was also accused of accepting other gifts, ranging from a $2,700 massage chair to a sled dog....

In the case of the chair, a friend testified he gave the Brookstone lounger to Stevens as a gift. But the senator sent him an e-mail at the time saying the chair was just a loan. Stevens asserted on the witness stand that the lounger was only a loan, even though it has been in his basement for seven years.

Seven years is a long time, as Senator Ted will soon find out. All that time just for acting like a typical Republican -- and getting caught.

How Can You Possibly Argue With Logic Like This?

Let's have a look at the evidence in question. First and foremost, the spring 1996 issue of New Party News, the leading publication of the New Party at the time, clearly claims that Barack Obama is a party member. If the New Party didn't actually have members, why would the chief party organ claim that it did? Again, logically, how can a political party exist without members?

Air-fuckin'-tight.

Katfight

Katty Parker wrote a column accusing Republicans who support Palin -- beginning with John McCain -- of thinking with their cocks. (Which would make their cocks as stupid as the rest of them.)

Katty J. Lopez raises her head from her Purina Editor Chow and hisses:

Because I know some of you are understandably and sensibly wondering WHY?: We're running our roster of syndicated columns through the election. Period. So that's why we published one today that is embarrassing and outrageous.

All this fight lacks for a happy ending a burlap sack and a river.

Dream On

Steve Benen:

There's been an ongoing "debate" (I use the word loosely) of late about Drudge's influence, and the [Ashley] Todd fiasco is likely to do some lasting harm to his credibility and judgment. It's about time.

About time? Remember Alexandra Polier? About time is a distant memory.

Eggs Drudge has no credibility, and he never has. His judgment isn't any worse than it always was. And he will continue "ruling [their] world" (to quote Halperin and Harris) because Drudge's influential groupies don't care a whit about accuracy or integrity or fairness. All they care about is the friction.

E! False Hollywood Story

Sideshow Bob is feeling put-upon:

"Are you kidding me? Of course it's true," Kelsey Grammer said when asked whether the town is hostile to conservatives. "I wish Hollywood was a two-party town, but it's not."

Grammer said he knows of a makeup trailer that sported a sign warning Republicans to keep out and of U.S. war veterans who keep their backgrounds a secret from their Hollywood co-workers because they hear them belittle the military.

He even said that, earlier in his career, his job was threatened by a prominent sitcom director who demanded he donate money to Barbara Boxer's U.S. Senate campaign. To keep his job, he gave $10,000 to Boxer and the Democrats.

Nowadays, Grammer is a bankable actor who is unafraid to speak his mind. His advice to less established industry players, though, is to shut up about politics -- "unless you think the way you are supposed to think," and that means liberal.

Interesting. Because back in 1992, an individual contributions of $10K to federal candidate were illegal. According to Newsmeat, Grammer only gave one thousand to Boxer's Senate run, on October 20, 1992. Big difference. Well, maybe the reporter got it wrong. Or maybe Grammer had a coke dealer named Boxer for Senate.

More interesting is the fact that ol' Kelse wrote the check during the last season of Cheers, just months before filming started on his own spin-off series, Frasier. Are we to believe that the unnamed teevee director had such pull he could get Grammer canned midway through filming of the last season of one of the most popular shows then airing, three years after Grammer had a deal with Paramount to star in his own television program, and while he was working with the three executive producers of Cheers to create the spin-off? For a one K contribution? I strongly suggest Sideshow Bob will never name that nefarious director, bankable though he may now be.

Kids, don't do drugs. They turn you into a Republican and a victim of your own imagination.

(Link found via Pandagon)

We All Scream For Mickey Kaus Making An Ass of HImself

How big of a moron do you have to be to be a friend of Mickey Kaus? At least as moronic as Kaus himself. The slaphead midget reproduces a tearful e-missive from one of his non-imaginary friends, which reads as follows:

OK. So depressed about this election that I had to go to Baskin-Robbins and just buy a pint of ice cream and some caramel cones for [my son].
And of course, of course, I get there trying to drown my sorrows, and the flavor of the month is
"Whirl of Change."
"Whirl of Change" with a little Democratic donkey sign.
It's like peanut nougat ice cream with chunks of chocolate enrobed in more chocolate.
And I think it's also some kind of horrific multiracial metaphor.
But anyway so "Whirl of Change." Flavor of the month at Baskin Robbins.

Boo frickin' hoo! Hearing this news, Kaus can't help but prance through a puddle of his own pretend victimhood. He whines, "Baskin-Robbins is doing its part!"

Sorry to ruin the pity party, Mickey, but you can go down to your local B-R parlor and suck on the "Straight Talk Express" until you're as blue in the face as a U.S. map come November 4.

In frozen confections, as in real life, Kaus is the biggest loser.

Update: (10/24): Kaus has now added the link to the Baskin-Robbins site as "Background," without noting that he made the change 4 or 5 days after the original post. Maybe he reads this site.

The link, of course, undermines the paranoid point of Kaus's post, which was that Baskin-Robbins was shoving Barry X into the faces of poor persecuted Republicans, who can't even enjoy a cone without facing pro-Democratic propaganda. Kaus's fellow right-winger has such a persecution complex he didn't notice that the company offered flavors for both candidates, which anyone with a two-digit i.q. could have guessed. His little pal's next e-mail will claim the soda jerk carved an X into his forehead with one of those little wooden spoons.

In any event, the real outrage here is the lack of treats honoring Bob Barr (a cafe au lait fudgesicle covered in whipped cream and fruit loops), Cynthia McKinney (mint chocolate chip) and Ralph Nader (something made of hummus and mohair).

Jammy Dodgers

Perpetual failed magazine intern Jammy Kirchick writes:

A not insignificant portion of liberals in this country believe that a small group of Jews, er, the "neocons," took control of the government following 9/11 to fight wars on behalf of Israel. Is not this slander as odious as the Internet rumors about Barack Obama?

Why, yes it is, Jammy. It's nice to see you admit you're a right-wing smear merchant.

No liberal believes that Bush, Cheney, Rummy, Condi, McCain et al. are Jews, and no liberal believes that those folks took control of the government following 9/11. They, and their war plans, were firmly in place before September 2001.

The existence of a few second-tier suck-ups in the Administration and some two-bit think tank wankers who sought to tie the Administration's delusions of conquest to the support of Israel doesn't make liberals conspiracy theorists or anti-semites.

It's telling that the only member of the "significant portion" of American leftists Jammy can name is the non-liberal (and Jewish) Joe Klein, who I won't bother to defend except to point out that he didn't espouse the beliefs Jammy attributes to the left. Jammy then cites a bunch of leftys who purportedly use "Nazi allegories to describe people and policies they don't like," which is hardly the m.o. of rabid anti-semites. Pick a smear and then stick with it, Jammy!

BoBo Brooks was discredited for publishing the same slander that Jammy now spouts, and BoBo was forced to eat his words. Perhaps Jammy's angling for a spot on the NYT editorial page come November, after MoDo and BoBo are institutionalized for "exhaustion."

No On 4 and 8

I may be preaching to an ever-diminishing choir of Californians who bother to check this site to see if I've posted anything in the last four days, but I hope you choristers will vote No on Proposition 8. Do you really want to live in the type of hellhole that makes Massachusetts and Connecticut look bastions of reason and tolerance?

Also deserving of a "No" vote is the much less well-known Proposition 4, which will restrict abortion rights in another big government power grab perpetrated by a bunch of dishonest right-wing scumbags who have no concern for the rights or safety of women.

My friends, the presidential election isn't the end of the fight; it's just the beginning. The landscape is littered with wingnuts and they must all be sent back to the rocks whence they crawled out.

Shorter Third Presidential Debate

What Part Of Choice, Rights and Freedom Don't You Understand?

Lisa Schiffren is a demented freak. From The Corner:

Teenagers Acting Better Than Their Elders [Lisa Schiffren]

I was going to e-mail this story about a town in Texas where the high-school kids voted a classmate with Down Syndrome homecoming queen to all of the people I know who have expressed horror or contempt for Sarah Palin for not aborting Trig. But that would have taken too long. ...

What Schiffren is saying is that she is personally acquainted with, and knows the e-mail addresses of, innumerable people who have expressed contempt for Palin for not having an abortion.

What she means to say is that the view she attributes to those innumerable people is a prevalent view.

What she means to insinuate is that the view she attributes to innumerable people is a prevalent view among those who support abortion rights, or among liberals.

The composition and accuracy of the post both explain why Schiffren was a speechwriter for Dan Quayle.

Defining Leadership Down

This morning on MSNBC, Andrea Mitchell described McCain's refusal to agree with his supporter that Senator Obama is an Arab an act of leadership.

I hear she also believes that Alan Greenspan is well-hung.

Sean Hannity and the Martinettes

Here's some unsurprising news about Sean Hannity's friend and source, Andy Martin:

A motion he filed in a 1983 bankruptcy case called the judge "a crooked, slimy Jew who has a history of lying and thieving common to members of his race."

In another motion, filed in 1983, Mr. Martin wrote, "I am able to understand how the Holocaust took place, and with every passing day feel less and less sorry that it did."

In an interview, Mr. Martin denied some statements against Jews attributed to him in court papers, blaming malicious judges for inserting them.

But in his "48 Hours" interview in 1993, he affirmed a different anti-Semitic part of the affidavit that included the line about the Holocaust, saying, "The record speaks for itself."

When asked Friday about an assertion in his court papers that "Jews, historically and in daily living, act through clans and in wolf pack syndrome," he said, "That one sort of rings a bell."

We all know exactly what Hannity is, but some people choose to look the other way. Take, for instance, Joe Lieberman, who continues to pal around with Hannity even after it was revealed that Hannity vouches for anti-Semitic lunatics.

Give The Barone His Bottle

The latest Republican pantywaist to squeal like a castrated pig is Michael Barone, who, according to urban legend was once inexplicably respected for something. Here's the latest snivel-fest, in which Barone channels the corpse of John Leo:

Actually, Obama supporters are doing a lot more than getting into people's faces. They seem determined to shut people up.

That's what Obama supporters, alerted by campaign emails, did when conservative Stanley Kurtz appeared on Milt Rosenberg's WGN radio program in Chicago. Kurtz had been researching Obama's relationship with unrepentant Weather Underground terrorist William Ayers in Chicago Annenberg Challenge papers in the Richard J. Daley Library in Chicago — papers that were closed off to him for some days, apparently at the behest of Obama supporters.

Obama fans jammed WGN's phone lines and sent in hundreds of protest emails. The message was clear to anyone who would follow Rosenberg's example. We will make trouble for you if you let anyone make the case against The One.

Those nasty, nasty Obama supporters, shutting people up by calling in to radio call-in programs and sending electronic mail messages. Such thuggery!

I'm certain that if I asked nicely, Barone's enablers, FOX News and U.S. News & World Report, would give me all the time and space I wanted to make rebut their fairy tales of the Thug Obama.

God, these Pukes are weak as water.

Dear Chris Buckley

You might want to stay away from the railings on that National Review post-election cruise. You've got a small child to not raise, after all.

Regards, Roger

Moosestepping

It's official. Sharia Plain treats the Alaska State Police as her own personal Moosetapo, existing solely to eliminate enemies of the Supreme Leader.

Or should I say, her own personal Todd-ler Youth?

Perhaps now the SCLM will cease its portrayal of Sharia is inarticulate but virtuous, and start reporting that she, like Bush, is both stupid and evil.

Shite Said Fred

Fred Barnes is cheesed off that last night's "town hall" "debate" didn't make time for any LaRouchies or Bible-humpers:

The candidates were queried on a narrow range of foreign, economic, health care, and environmental issues -- the stuff they talk about every day at rallies and fundraisers. These didn't come close to what voters at a real town hall meeting might have asked. There was no mention of abortion, immigration, moral values, same sex marriage, guns, their role models, their view of the presidency, or their religious faith.

There's just no pleasing our Freddy. Here's what he said about the Republican "You Tube" debate some 10 months ago:

But it was chiefly the questions and who asked them that made the debate so appalling. By my recollection, there were no questions on health care, the economy, trade, the S-chip children's health care issue, the "surge" in Iraq, the spending showdown between President Bush and Congress, terrorist surveillance, or the performance of the Democratic Congress.

For those keeping score, that would be a narrow range of foreign, economic and health care issues.

But wait, there's more. Back then, Fred bitched that

By my count, of the 30-plus questions, there were 6 on immigration, 3 on guns, 2 on abortion, 2 on gays, and one on whether the candidates believe every word in the Bible. These are exactly the issues, in the view of liberals and many in the media, on which Republicans look particularly unattractive.

That would be your abortion, your immigration, your moral values, your same sex marriage, your guns and your religious faith.

Barnes' real complaint, of course, is that the voters have rejected McCain/Palin on the economy, foreign policy, health care and the environment, and that the Republican ticket's only hope in hell is to demagogue "moral values" and pander to rabid-right fundies like Barnes himself. As we can see, however, had the debate focused on social issues, Barnes would wail that the proceedings were intended to make McCain look particularly unnattractive.

Barnes doesn't really care what the questions are. The only things he cares about are keeping the Republicans in power and keeping his Republican paychecks rolling in.

Point of Personal Privilege

Could everyone please stop saying game changer?

That phrase is working my last nerve like people who use the phrase working my last nerve.

Thank you for your consideration.

Diebold Goes To The Movies

Sadly, No! has uncovered the most disturbing election fraud since Baskin-Robbins made John McCain spumoni in its Elect Your Flavorite straw poll. But the victim is fighting back:

We have had heard from numerous people across the country that there has been some ticket fraud when buying a ticket for An American Carol this past weekend.

Please check your ticket. If you were in fact one of those people that were "mistakenly" sold a ticket for another movie please fill out the form below. Hold on to your ticket so we can have proof.

If you have noticed other irregularities with the theatres in your area please let us know in the comment section below. For instance, Rated R film rating (when in fact we are rated PG-13), posters not being up, not being listed on the marquee, image or focus problems, sound issues, etc.

Please email us a picture of your ticket stub to fraud@americancarol.com

We are investigating.

I urge every good American to submit his or her personal horror story to the filmmakers, who are investigating. Your ticket to any other movie is the proof that's needed to blow this thing wide open! Your $9.50 is gone -- don't let them take our democracy as well.

Track Marks

Marty Peretz and Margo Howard are asserting that Track Palin was given the choice between military service or jail for dealing drugs. Howie Kurtz is certain that the story that Track is a drug abuser is totally bogus. Of course, both, or neither, could be true.

Perhaps someone will ask Howie in his little chit-chat today.

Shorter Rich Lowry

"I just threw up a little bit in my pants."

Michael Berube has a fun post on the worst cover song ever. I have nothing to add to it.

An Even Bigger Hack Named Kurtz

I suspect the real reason Stanley Kurtz's various paranoid fantasies about Barry X aren't getting any traction is that ol' Stan sounds like a soccer mom. I heard him on an XM Radio broadcast of Fox News, being interviewed by Steve Douchie about Senator Obama's purported ties to ACORN (which is solely responsible for the New Great Depression!), and he sounded like a constipated and terminally offended middle-aged white woman, whinging on about some people from her church she couldn't stand.

And Kurtz's delusion that the media isn't covering his delusions is laughable, given the amount of time and space he's been given on/in every Rupert Murdoch outlet (the WSJ, Fox News and the New York Post) that wouldn't require him to pose with his tits out.

Update (10/5): A reader with perfect pitch passes on this suggestion for Stanley's sound-a-like. Well spotted!

Winners and Losers

The clear loser of last night's debate was John McCain. The event was a 90-minute demonstration that McCain is unfit to be President.

The clear winner was the American people of 33 days into the future. Except for those living in Alaska, who are just screwed.

White Social Pathology

Why do the leaders of the White community refuse to confront the social pathologies that harm their children?

"The father is notably absent from the minor child's life," despite the mom's efforts to try to get him involved, the suit says.

"As Jonathan gets older, he requires love, attention and a notable involvement in his life from his father," the suit says.

"It is in Jonathan's best interest and welfare for this court to impose a contact and access schedule on the father, so that Jonathan can establish a relationship with his father and extended paternal family."

Couldn't the father at least take Jonathan on a nice cruise, to meet his Aunt Kathryn and Uncle Mitt?

Black Hole Sun

That's what the investors said.

Hang my head
Drown my fear
'Til you all just
Disappear

But don't worry. Seth Lipsky has already found a new gig as the Viagra wrangler for Pajamas Media. It's demeaning, entry-level work of questionable legality, but someone's got to do it.

Defining Stupidity Down

If I was asked to pretend to be a wingnut and then asked what Supreme Court decision I disagreed with, I could foam at the mouth extemporaneously about Kelo v. New London or Lawrence v. Texas or Hamdam v. Rumsfeld or Regents v. Bakke. In my sleep.

Couric's questions to Sharia P. weren't softballs, they were friggin' Academy Award gift baskets.

By the way, the correct answer to the question is Bush v. Gore.

I just remembered I have a blog

I've been busy prepping Governor Palin for Thursday's debate, so I haven't had time to post. But I got an interesting e-mail from genuine anonymous member of the EMESSEM that I thought I'd share with you. The reader has kindly given permission to post this, without his name:

My name is [name withheld], owner and associate partner Eric Erickson Associates, a law firm located in Scotland.

I have a legitimate contract job offer for you, i want to know if you will like to help my client invest in your country and get paid for your services
without leaving or affecting your present job?

I represent Pojamarn Shinawatra , the wife of ousted Thailand Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra here in after shall be referred to as my client and it is on
her instruction that i am doing all that i am doing now.

We are looking for a foreign individual or a corporate body that can profitably invest $150M on real estates outside Asia.

Most importantly, you will be required to invest these funds on real estates preferably in your country of residence outside of Hong Kong.

My client is generously willing to pay you 10% of the contract sum for your partnership role and services rendered in this investment business transaction.

Trust me; this is once in a life time opportunity i bet you can't afford to miss.

If you prefer to be re-contacted for more express information, write back promptly i look forward to it.

I expect your correspondence as my response with more information on this investment proposal will be swift.

This confirms everything I suspected about the EMESSEM.

Bailout

Johnny Rictus is runnin' scared:

McCain supporter Sen. Lindsey Graham tells CNN the McCain campaign is proposing to the Presidential Debate Commission and the Obama camp that if there's no bailout deal by Friday, the first presidential debate should take the place of the VP debate, currently scheduled for next Thursday, October 2 in St. Louis.

In this scenario, the vice presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin would be rescheduled for a date yet to be determined, and take place in Oxford, Mississippi, currently slated to be the site of the first presidential faceoff this Friday.

Running from the Troopergate investigation, the press and the debates. Running on empty. Until there's nowhere left to run.

The McCain Record

An empty suit defends an empty suit, with empty rhetoric:

Couric: But he's been in Congress for 26 years. He's been chairman of the powerful Commerce Committee. And he has almost always sided with less regulation, not more.

Palin: He's also known as the maverick though, taking shots from his own party, and certainly taking shots from the other party. Trying to get people to understand what he's been talking about - the need to reform government.

Couric: But can you give me any other concrete examples? Because I know you've said Barack Obama is a lot of talk and no action. Can you give me any other examples in his 26 years of John McCain truly taking a stand on this?

Palin: I can give you examples of things that John McCain has done, that has shown his foresight, his pragmatism, and his leadership abilities. And that is what America needs today.

Couric: I'm just going to ask you one more time - not to belabor the point. Specific examples in his 26 years of pushing for more regulation.

Palin: I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you.

He's known as the maverick. What more do you ingrates want?

The New Underclass

Won't somebody think of the children?

A nose job in a hospital with a private nurse in attendance had been something of a rite of passage for Joan Asher's children. But when her fourth and last child was ready for her own rhinoplasty recently, Ms. Asher asked her to postpone it.

The financial markets were simply more out of whack than her 16-year-old's proboscis.

"The other noses were more prominent," the stay-at-home mother from a tony New York City suburb in Westchester County told her 16-year-old daughter. She could get hers done when things settled down.

The financial crisis on Wall Street has New York's well-to-do reeling. The people who fuel the area's economy with their spending on art, fashion, cars, restaurants, plastic surgery and other luxe goods and services are starting to cut back once-lavish budgets. As a result, those who cater to their every whim -- from nanny agencies to jewelers to yacht builders -- are seeing clients tighten their belts on expenses from the millions to the thousands.

Fortunately, our story has a happy ending:

Ms. Asher was able to let her daughter get her nose job before school began after plastic surgeon Alan Matarasso said he could do the procedure in his office operating room on Manhattan's Upper East Side for about $2,500 less than if they went to a hospital, stayed overnight and hired a nurse. At home, Ms. Asher stayed up most of the night after the surgery, putting cold compresses on her daughter's eyes every 20 minutes. "She was fine," she says. "It came out great."

Sure, Joan had to stay up most of the night. But at least she didn't have to get a job.

The story doesn't mention whether Ms. Asher got a kickback from the freakish publicity-crazed Dr. Matarasso for yammering about her 16 year old's nose job on the front page of the Weekend Journal.

The Trip To Nowhere

Shorter Sharia Palin lickspittle: We approved Monegan's travel to Washington D.C. on official business, but we had no idea why he was going there, we couldn't imagine it was for lobbying, and when we found out it was to obtain funds for a rape prevention program to benefit victims of sexual violence, we were justifiably outraged.

You can make this shit up.

No On Hate

The will of the majority:

Opposition to a California ballot measure to ban same-sex marriage is mounting following Attorney General Jerry Brown's move to change the language on the initiative, according to a Field Poll to be released today.

The poll found that just 38 percent of likely voters support the measure, while 55 percent intend to vote no. That compares with 42 percent in support and 51 percent opposed in July.

Brown amended the Proposition 8 summary language after the state Supreme Court's decision on May 15 to overturn California's previous ban on same-sex marriage.

Golden!

Revisionist Hysteria

Special Ed Morrissey is a big, blubbering baby. The pretend seaman who called Patrick Henry a puss (scroll down) is in full tantrum mode today:

David Freddoso attempted to appear on Milt Rosenberg's WGN radio show last night, and just as when Stanley Kurtz tried to talk on the same show, the Barack Obama campaign organized a disruption of the show. The campaign sent out an e-mail to supporters in the area sliming Freddoso as an "extreme" hate monger, a "smear merchant", and attempted to silence him despite Rosenberg having an Obama surrogate on the show:

Yes, according to Blubbering Ed, Obama supporters tried to disrupt a radio call-in show and silence the show's guest by calling into the show. Because if enough people call into a radio show, the station's transmitters fail and the guest dies a painful death.

Blubbering Ed isn't even clear on whether Fredo appeared on the show; so disruptive were the telephone calls that the manful Fredo could only "attempt" to appear.

The only change Special Ed can believe in is when he soils himself.

(No link to Special Ed.)

The Expectations Game

What this country needs right now, more than anything, is a leader who can speak without reading from a teleprompter.

I think it's fair to say that this is Governor Palin's greatest accomplishment.

Coming next: McCain promises that a war with Iran will revitalize the economy.

Feel The Whoo Hoo!

Sept. 15 (Bloomberg) -- Washington Mutual Inc., the biggest U.S. savings and loan, had its credit rating cut to junk by Standard & Poor's because of the deteriorating housing market.

S&P reduced its rating on Seattle-based WaMu to BB- from BBB-, leaving it three levels below investment grade, the ratings firm said today in a statement.

"Increasing market turmoil and the related impact from managing its concentrated mortgage franchise in this troubled housing and credit cycle led to the downgrade," S&P wrote. S&P cut its rating on the subsidiary bank to BBB- from BBB.

Whoo Hoo(TM)! Who's got the shitty credit rating now?

Couldn't have happened to a bigger bunch of bastards.

The Bush Legacy

WASHINGTON -- In another unnerving day for Wall Street, investors suffered their worst losses since the terrorist attacks of 2001, and government officials raced to prevent the financial crisis from spreading. ...

"I know Americans are concerned about the adjustments that are taking place in our financial markets," Mr. Bush said at a ceremony to welcome the president of Ghana.

Bush has managed to do what the terrorists couldn't. Destroy the American economy.

Thank God that Bush's would-be successor has a firm grasp of the fundamentals:

The issue of economics is not something I've understood as well as I should," McCain said. "I've got Greenspan's book."

He explained.

Republican Family Values: Blame It On The One-Year-Old Edition

Just say no, kids:

Newsweek published a first-person account of her struggle, but it included some errors.

"It began with Vicodan [sic]. In 1989, I had ruptured a couple of disks carrying my 1-year-old, Bridget, in a pack on my back," she wrote.

But Bridget was not born until 1991.

Dittoheads

It's always tragic when young people try to emulate their favorite celebrity. And even more so when their activities are revealed by the same newspaper that broke the news about that celebrity.

But Howie Kurtz has already said those charges are totally "bogus". So who am I to believe?

It's interesting to see that the McCain camp got out ahead of the story, through their reliable mouthpiece at the Post. But surely Kurtz investigated the charges thoroughly before pronouncing them bogus. Right?

P.S. to HBO: The West Wing meets The Waltons meets Trailer Park Boys. Call me.

Pigs (Three Different Ones)

So Much For Reading Comprehension

"When he took the stage, a message that appeared on the large screen behind him read, 'Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.'" -- Brad Stone, New York Times, September 9, 2008

Mary Cheney, 24/7

It didn't enter the lexicon of political scumbaggery in 2004, but it should have. Like Swiftboating, Mary Cheneying is shorthand for a deliberately dishonest political tactic. To Mary Cheney, one feigns umbrage at an innocuous, legitimate and truthful comment order to falsely accuse one's opponent of a personal attack or invasion of privacy. Various hacks in the media (see Kurtz, Howie) repeat the Mary Cheney, as do various pinheads with their own blogs, thus turning the Cheney into a "legitimate" news story. Two of the biggest stories stinking up wingnut blogs and glorified blogs such as Politico.com at the moment involve the McCain campaign Mary Cheneying Senators Obama and Biden.

Such scumbaggery will increase exponentially as we draw nearer to the election.

Talk Stupe

At the same time the RNC is keeping Sharia Palin away from all media and sharp objects, Eggs Drudge and his groupies are professing outrage that Oprah Winfrey won't interview Sharia.

I'm sorry, but there's a logical progression to these things, and it must be followed. Sharia doesn't get to do Oprah until she and her family do Montel Williams and Maury Povich, plus a sit-down with Klee Irwin and an on-the-street interview of Todd by Bridgetta Tomarchio.

Dumbpuck

WASILLA, Alaska -- The biggest project that Sarah Palin undertook as mayor of this small town was an indoor sports complex, where locals played hockey, soccer, and basketball, especially during the long, dark Alaskan winters.

The only catch was that the city began building roads and installing utilities for the project before it had unchallenged title to the land. The misstep led to years of litigation and at least $1.3 million in extra costs for a small municipality with a small budget. What was to be Ms. Palin's legacy has turned into a financial mess that continues to plague Wasilla.

"It's too bad that the city of Wasilla didn't do their homework and secure the land before they began construction," said Kathy Wells, a longtime activist here. "She was not your ceremonial mayor; she was in charge of running the city. So it was her job to make sure things were done correctly."

To be fair, George Bush has cost the country more than $1.3 trillion in the costs of unnecessary war, engineered through lies and fraud. And Rictus Johnny probably cost the taxpayers more than that in crashed fighter jets. So Palin's just a small-time incompetent fuckup.

Warning: "crashed fighter jets" link leads to John Derbyshite quoting a racist shitstain. But even assholes can get get their facts right.

It looks like someone besides James Walcott is reading -- and heeding -- the statement of the obvious profound advice of your humble correspondence.

Hillary Rodham Clinton has no intention of becoming a Sarah Palin attack dog — but has no qualms about going after John McCain, people close to the former first lady say.

"She's not the answer when it comes to winning conservative women — she never was — and we're not going to be anybody's attack dog against Sarah Palin," said a Clinton insider. "To be fair to Obama's people, they haven’t asked us to do that."

Slamming Palin to win back women already hostile to Obama is pointless, the insider said, because Clinton's most loyal base is working-class voters, not women in particular. "Attacking Palin is checkers, attacking McCain on the economy is chess."

I would have said it's abusing the developmentally disabled, but fair enough.

By the way, Glenn Thrush of the AP, author of the article cited above, is a giant scumsack. He twice refers to Senator Clinton as a "former first lady," but doesn't mention she's a Senator once.

Bit of an earthquake here.

That's it?

Sharia Palin's Lying Circus

Mark Kleiman has the facts.

Drill, baby, drill!

A Convention of Honky Moms

The Xcel Center was whiter than Malibu Staci McCain's newest hood. Though I did see a few pre-cancerous tans in honor of the nominee. And Cowboy Troy got to recite half a sentence from Dr. King during the "entertainment" portion of the evening.

Country First -- And We Know What That's Worth

Who says John McCain's doesn't have a comprehensive health care plan?

The entrance requirements are a bit revolting, but at least it's a plan.

Holy Shit

Holy Joe Lieberman's speech to his fellow Republicans tonight was so sucktacular that it probably lost McCain votes. Dems watching were reminded what a smarmy, self-interested craphound Joe is, and Republicans were reminded of all the reasons they hate McCain (campaign finance, immigration and being pals with Holy Joe). Non-partisans just wondered why such a lousy speaker was given a prominent speaking slot.

It was Joe's last pathetic hurrah; the last time anyone cares what he says or does. And I sincerely hope that President Obama isn't the nice guy he seems to be.

Added: As they say in Colonial Iraq, "embrace the suck."

Confidential to Jay Nerdlinger

Doctor Doolittle was not a real person, therefore he could not die.

He also couldn't talk to the animals.

When Did Palin Lawyer Up, And When Did McCain Know It?

This article says that Sharia Palin confirmed her retention of a shyster on Monday, September 1, and that the mouthpiece wrote a letter to the Alaska Legislature's counsel dated Friday, August 29.

This article says that the vetting process ended on Thursday, August 28, and quotes McCain's head vetter as saying he "'spent a lot of time with [Palin's] lawyer'" on Troopergate before McCain made his pick. I'd say that, at a minimum, Palin had her mouthpiece in place one week before McCain offered her the opportunity to waste two months of her life.

What I'm really wondering: What did the McCain campaign dig up on Mittens, Holy Joe and Tim Pawlenty that made McCain think Palin was the safe pick?

P.S. to the Alaska Legislature: Those chit-chats between Palin's lawyer and the McCain campaign staff aren't privileged, nor are those 40+ page single-spaced reports. Subpoena accordingly.

Juneau

I couldn't care less that Sharia Plan's kid and the kid's boyfriend were doin' the Bristol Schtupp -- although I do hope that if she gets married, the guy's last name is Meyers-Squibb.

Here's what I do care about:

ST. PAUL (Reuters) -- The 17-year-old unmarried daughter of Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is pregnant, Palin said on Monday in an announcement intended to knock down rumors by liberal bloggers that Palin faked her own pregnancy to cover up for her child.

Bristol Palin, one of Alaska Gov. Palin's five children with her husband Todd, is about five months pregnant and is going to keep the child and marry the father, the Palins said in a statement released by the campaign of Republican presidential candidate John McCain.

Bristol Palin made the decision on her own to keep the baby, McCain aides said.

A decision which Palin/Tired '08 would take away from every other woman in this country with great pride. Why is why they shouldn't be allowed within 20 miles of the White House.

Sure, the pregnancy proves that abstinence-only education, which Palin supports, is a fraud (and often hurts kids). But everyone who is honest already knows that. It's not Sharia's fault that her daughter chose to enjoy something that human beings enjoy. The daughter's pregnancy doesn't make her a bad parent; her political views make her a bad politician.

On the other hand, Todd Flanders-Palin's DUI is definitely worthy of emphasis, since Todd and Sharia tried to use the Governor's office to get someone fired for an alleged DUI that happened years earlier.

Of course, the scumbags running McCain's campaign and their media allies are already planning their "Mary Cheney" moment on this story. Which is why Senator Obama has wisely declared this story off-limits for his campaign.

Update: Time Magazine tries to make the pregnancy an issue with some Steno Sue work on behalf of McCain: "Sarah Palin is a longterm member of a group called Feminists for Life, which is not opposed to birth control. So you probably can't tag her for consigning young people to unwanted pregnancies." (That opinion is from the mouth of the Time reporter, and not the best friends of trolls, Jill Hazelbaker.) Well, Sharia's opposed to birth control education, so at a minimum she's in favor of unwanted pregnancies. If she's also opposed to lawful access to birth control for minors, then she has consigned young women to unwanted pregnancies.

Palin's views should be a issue, although the daughter and her boyfriend should be left out of it.

Even though McCain would stoop to such tactics in an irregular heartbeat. Straight Talk's the one who thought it was funny to insult 19 year old Chelsea Clinton at a Republican fundraiser.

The Mohammedan Candidate

I'm surprised the dhimmwit wingnuts haven't yet figured out that Sarah Palin is an anagram for:

Sharia Plan

And that thing on McCain's face looks like a crescent.

This Election Is About Judgment

[August 28] BAGHDAD — U.S. forces have arrested a deputy of Ahmad Chalabi, who was once the Bush administration's favorite Iraqi politician, and implicated him in bombings that killed Americans and Iraqis, Chalabi and Iraqi government officials said Thursday.

The U.S. military alleged that the arrested official was working with the "highest echelons" of the Iranian "special groups" criminals, referring to what the U.S. military says are Iranian-backed militias operating in Iraq.

Ali Faisal al Lami, a Shiite Muslim official and a member of the Sadrist Party who's serving as an executive of the Justice and Accountability Committee, which Chalabi heads, was arrested Wednesday at Baghdad International Airport as he returned from a family vacation in Lebanon, Iraqi officials said. The Justice and Accountability Committee screens former members of Saddam Hussein's Baath Party who are applying for jobs in the government.

The American military doesn't release the names of those it detains. Maj. John C. Hall, a U.S. spokesman in Baghdad said the arrested man was implicated in "multiple criminal acts including bombings and attacks against Iraqi targets" including the bombing June 24 of the Sadr City District Advisory Council meeting, which killed six Iraqis, two American soldiers and two U.S. civilians.

...

Chalabi condemned the arrest Thursday night. "This incident shows the need for an end to the random arrest of Iraqis by the American forces, which are against the human rights outlined in the constitution. It proves for a fact that each Iraqi might be arrested or put in prison without knowing the reasons," he said in a news release. He couldn't be reached for further comment.

From Think Progress:

A new book by Aram Roston reveals that Chalabi supported John McCain (R-AZ) for president in 2000, believing that the senator would be the most receptive to his agenda. Muckraked reports:

One of his key backers has been John McCain, who was one of the first patrons of Chalabi's grand-sounding International Committee for a Free Iraq when it was founded in 1991. McCain was Chalabi's favored candidate in the 2000 election since Chalabi knew that he would be able to free up the $97 million in military aid plus millions pushed through in Congress and earmarked for Chalabi’s exile group, the Iraqi National Congress, but held up by the Clinton State Department.

Indeed, McCain was a Chalabi backer long before President Bush took power. In 1997, he tried to pressure the Clinton administration into setting up an Iraqi government in exile. Despite opposition from the Pentagon and the State Department, the next fall, McCain co-sponsored the Iraq Liberation Act, committing the United States to overthrowing Saddam and funding opposition groups. According to a 2006 article by John Judis:

McCain welcomed Ahmed Chalabi, leader of the Iraqi National Congress (INC), to Washington and pressured the administration to give him money. When General Anthony Zinni cast doubt upon the effectiveness of the Iraqi opposition, McCain rebuked him at a hearing of the Senate Armed Services Committee.

...

Also that year [2003], McCain said of Chalabi, "He's a patriot who has the best interests of his country at heart."

And McCain's an expert on patriotism.

Why They Pay Me The Big Money

As long as we're playing political consultants, let me propose that Eric Kleefeld has it all wrong.

Hillary Clinton shouldn't waste two seconds on Palin. Obama shouldn't waste one second on Palin. Joe Biden should talk exclusively about the top of the tickets, his and McCain's. The idea that Palin will draw Hillary supporters to McCain -- beyond a handful of loons -- is absurd. If Palin doesn't self-destruct and take McCain with her, she's irrelevant, a non-issue.

If you're going to do a commercial with Senator Clinton, do one where she talks about Obama and their shared priorities. Having Clinton address Palin is unworthy of her, and a waste of her talents.

Let The Games Begin!

McCain has just shot down his own campaign. The subtext of the entire Republican Convention will be Johnny's incredibly poor judgment. Republican pols who have political careers to protect will avoid mentions of Harriet Miers Jnr. like the plague, fearing their praise of the number two will be replayed by their opponents in the next election -- or this one. The RNC can only pray that Hurricane Gustav increases dramatically in size and speed and heads up the Misissippi to lay waste to the Twin Cities.

Vetts For McCain

Who thought it was a good idea to have Bernie Kerik head up the vetting process for John McCain?

The Washington Post reports:

Gov. Palin's husband, Todd Palin, met with [Director of Public Safety] Monegan in January 2007, a month after his wife took office, to say that the trooper was unfit for the force. Monegan also said the governor sent him e-mails, but Monegan declined to disclose them, saying he planned to give them to the independent prosecutor.

Palin initially denied that she or anyone in her administration had ever pressured Monegan to fire Wooten. She said she had raised the matter with Monegan just once, relaying the allegation that Wooten made a death threat against her father.

But this summer, Palin acknowledged that a half-dozen members of her administration had made more than two dozen calls on the matter to various state officials.

...

In a TV interview in July, Todd Palin confirmed that he had talked with Monegan but said he was just "informing," not pressuring.

At a news conference Aug. 13, the governor said, "I do now have to tell Alaskans that such pressure could have been perceived to exist, although I have only now become aware of it."

The New York Times reports that others view the family Palin as slightly deranged:

A judge in the couple's custody case questioned the family's motives for filing the complaints. "It appears for the world that Ms. McCann and her family have decided to take off for the guy's livelihood," the judge said, according to a recording of a hearing.

...

Excerpts of the audio recording released by the governor showed Frank Bailey, the state's director of boards and commissions, pushing Lt. Rodney Dial in February about Mr. Wooten.

"Todd and Sarah are scratching their heads, 'Why on earth hasn't this, why is this guy still representing the department?'" Mr. Bailey said to the lieutenant.

"Todd and Sarah" is a nice touch, in a Biblically correct sort of way. And Toddy's not just a fisherman -- he's a reformer with results.

Answering A Question With A Question

Killing time between conjugal visits with Lord Black of Coleman Gaol, David Frum inquires:

If it were your decision, and you were putting your country first, would you put an untested small-town mayor a heartbeat away from the presidency?

If it was your decision, and you were putting your country first, would you write dishonest, warmongering speeches for an alcoholic dullard a heartbeat away from Dick Cheney?

But then, America isn't Frumpy's country.

Bonus Black Comedy: Squeal Amiel.

Billy Dale, Meet Walter Monegan

Something is rotten in the State of Alaska.

[Walter] Monegan, 57, a respected former chief of the Anchorage Police Department, said in an interview with The Washington Post's James V. Grimaldi on Friday that the governor repeatedly brought up the topic of her ex-brother-in-law, Michael Wooten, after Monegan became the state's commissioner of public safety in December 2006. Palin's husband, Todd, met with Monegan and presented a dossier of information about Wooten, who was going through a bitter custody battle with Palin's sister, Molly. Monegan also said Sarah Palin sent him e-mails on the subject, but Monegan declined to disclose them, saying he planned to give them to a legislative investigator looking into the matter.

Palin initially denied that she or anyone in her administration had ever pressured Monegan to fire the trooper, but this summer acknowledged more than a half a dozen contacts over the matter, including one phone call from a Palin administration official to a state police lieutenant.

Monegan didn't fire Wooten; Palin gave Monegan the chop.

The Anchorage Daily News also says:

Todd Palin called a meeting with Monegan to specifically talk about Wooten shortly after his wife took office in December 2006, Todd Palin said on Friday.

Monegan says Todd Palin talked to him several times after that about Wooten. Todd Palin said, though, he couldn't recall if he had any conversations with the commissioner about his ex-brother-in-law outside of that initial meeting.

"But I know I've never told him to fire trooper Wooten," Todd Palin said.

The meeting occurred in the governor's office, but the governor was not there, Monegan said

And why in the hell is Todd Flanders even talking to the Commissioner of Public Safety? Does just any schmuck in Alaska stroll into the governor's office and "call a meeting" with the Commissioner of Public Safety? 'Cause he's got a hard-on for his brother-in-law? Is the Commissioner the personal flunky of the Governor's spouse?

Even on Countdown they were calling this a non-starter -- with only a tenuous grasp of the facts -- because the trooper was allegedly an abusive asshole. No dice. If someone is accused of a crime, the Governor doesn't order someone to fucking fire that person. The alleged victim makes a report to law enforcement and law enforcement does its job. Due process. Rule of law. Trial. Right of confrontation. Presumption of innocence. I could go on.

Of course, if the allegations against Trooper Wooten are true, the John McCain Administration would likely hire him and put him in charge at Gitmo.

More: Here's my uniformed speculation of how this unfolds -- Palin steps down as Governor, ostensibly to devote herself to the McCain campaign full-time, but actually to avoid the embarassment of the investigation, testifying under oath, etc. Once out of office, she and her allies claim there's no need for an investigation, and pretend that she was the victim of a partisan witch-hunt.

Palin Was For The Bridge To Nowhere Before She Was Against It, But Only In The Sense That She Was Never Against It

Bradford Plumer has the details.

Ramesh Pornmumu's not happy:

Palin has been governor for about two minutes. Thanks to McCain's decision, Palin could be commander-in-chief next year. That may strike people as a reckless choice; it strikes me that way. And McCain's age raised the stakes on this issue.

McCain doesn't care; he won't have to live with the conseqeunces.

Can anyone say with a straight face that Palin would have gotten picked if she were a man?

Yeah, but the same thing could be said about Clarence Thomas.

The other Special Needs bloggers seem satified with her campaign pledge that, if elected, she will not have an abortion.

Troopergate II: Electric Boogaloo

Well, at least McCain's got Ted Stevens' vote, assuming he still has one in November.

Palin/Tired O8'

Shorter Rictus Johnny: Yes, I do think the American people are stupid. Incredibly stupid.

You Bitter You Bet

Pearls of wisdom from the Special Needs Blog:

Normal Americans ... Are telling me it was a "mean" speech.

LAME. This is a very weak candidate.

A Lot of People ... Are emailing me to say that they have made their first McCain donation tonight.

Instead of "I Have a Dream" ... I have a grievance.

When I lay my head to the pillow tonight, I will dream that John Kasich takes the stage with McCain tomorrow in Dayton. If that happens, you can close the books on the presidential race and start looking at whether the coattails will bring us one of the two houses.

(All quotes guaranteed accurate!)

We Have A Winner

And it's not John McCain.

I'm talking about the winner of the widely popular Roger Ailes Veepapalooza Veepstakes contest. Rumors have Johnny Rictus selecting Tim Polenta as his bland, mushy heartbeat away, although the candidate's official announcement will be made on 5-and-1/4 inch floppies sent out to supporters bulk mail rate.

Unless Johnny R. picks Joe Lieberman as his number two, the contest winner will be Mike Nilsen, who was the first to call Senator Joe Biden as Senator Obama's running mate. Once McCain's pick is confirmed, Mike can e-mail me to collect his prize (unless Lieberman's the one, in which case "John" is the winner).

Congratulations, Mike!

The Fates Conspire Against Me

I haven't caught much of the convention. On Tuesday, I had to work late. Tonight, the power goes out. While I'm in the shower. In a windowless bathroom. Took a towel rack down with me as I groped my way out. At least I didn't impale myself or crack my skull open. Or break a hip, like Bob Novak.

Tomorrow can only bring electrocution.

The only thing that might redeem this week is John McCain's vice president pick. If it's Muff or Holy Joe Lieberman, this could be the best week ever.

The McCain campaign keeps emphasizing that McCain was a prisoner in Vietnam, as proof of his qualification for the Presidency.

Well, so was Gary Glitter, and I'm not voting for him either.

Obama/Biden

A better ticket than McCain/Anyone.

VeePeePalooza

Bumped from 8/19/08. Time's running out. And there's an actual prize -- really! Not to mention the pride of out-prognosticating all of Matt Yglesias' commenters.

As the internet has backed up and is overflowing with half-assed theories about the Vice Presidential selections of the two presumptive nominees, we might as well have a go here.

The commenter here who correctly guesses the Obama and McCain V.P. selections will win a valuable prize. The prize hasn't been determined yet, but it definitely will be worth the effort of typing two names into the comments box. The contest will close when the first candidate officially announces his veep. In the case of a tie, the first commenter correctly identifying both buckets of warm spit will win. If no one names both veeps, the first to name the Democratic veep selection wins. If McCain wins, we all lose. Anyone who names Ralph Nader and/or Bob Barr's veeps will be disqualified and ridiculed. Only one entry per fake screenname. Open only to residents of countries where it won't cost me a lot to mail the prize. The candidates and their staffs are welcome to enter. No purchase necessary. For a free game piece, contact the Contest Administrator at eatme@ idontgiveashit.com.

USA! USA! USA!

Here's a Olympic story that will cause midget Mickey Kaus to soil his synthetic sweatsuit:

BEIJING --The American flag landed on the scorer’s table, launched by a family member with exceptional aim. Henry Cejudo grabbed it from his coach and draped it around his body. He stood there for the longest time, fighting back tears, the son of illegal immigrants wrapped in the Stars and Stripes.

After Cejudo had defeated Tomohiro Matsunaga of Japan to win the 121-pound freestyle wrestling final on Tuesday, and after his family members had celebrated so loudly for so long that security threatened to kick them out, officials hung a gold medal around his neck. He said he might never remove it.

"I might just sleep with this," Cejudo said. "It changed my life already."

Fitting, because his is a story about change -- for himself, for his family and maybe now for the USA Wrestling program, which trained the 21-year-old Cejudo to become the youngest gold medalist in United States wrestling history.

The gold medal, and his path to it, changed so many lives along the way.

Like his mother's life. Nelly Rico, who came to the United States from Mexico as an illegal immigrant, raised seven children by herself and left Los Angeles with them in the middle of the night to escape the career criminal who was the father Cejudo never really knew.
...

His right eye bruised and darkened, Cejudo talked of all the hours his mother had worked over the years, as a janitor and a construction worker, anything to put food on the table or to heat the house. He talked about all the times they moved, from Los Angeles to New Mexico to Phoenix to Colorado Springs, each time in search of a better life.

"I wish I could just give her the medal right now," Cejudo said.

Motherhood, hard honest work and the American flag -- everything that Kaus and VDare crowd hate. If only there was some way we could deport shiftless and non-contributing citizens -- like Kaus -- to Mexico in exchange for productive members of society. But I doubt Mexico would go for it.

Congratulations Henry!

In Memoriam: Stephanie Tubbs Jones

A courageous American has died:

EAST CLEVELAND, Ohio (AP) -- Democratic U.S. Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones, the first black woman to represent Ohio in Congress and a strong critic of the Iraq war, died Wednesday after a brain hemorrhage, a hospital spokeswoman said.

...

Tubbs Jones represented the heavily Democratic 11th District and chaired the ethics committee in the House. She was the first black woman to serve on the powerful Ways and Means Committee, where she opposed President Bush's tax cuts and his efforts to create personal accounts within Social Security.

Tubbs Jones was a firm supporter of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton during the primaries until throwing her support behind Sen. Barack Obama in June. She was to have been a superdelegate at next week's Democratic National Convention in Denver.

The Clinton family released a statement saying they shared a friendship with Tubbs Jones that "deepened through every trial and challenge."

"Over the course of many years, with many ups and many downs, Stephanie was right by our side -- unwavering, indefatigable," the statement said. "It was that fighting spirit ... that allowed Stephanie to rise from modest beginnings, to succeed in public service, to become a one-woman force for progress in our country."

Obama called Tubbs Jones "an extraordinary American and an outstanding public servant."

"It wasn't enough for her just to break barriers in her own life. She was also determined to bring opportunity to all those who had been overlooked and left behind -- and in Stephanie, they had a fearless friend and unyielding advocate," Obama said in a statement.

...

Tubbs Jones was a passionate opponent of the Iraq war, voting in 2002 against authorizing the use of military force.

Just as the war was starting in March 2003, she was one of only 11 House members to oppose a resolution supporting U.S. troops in Iraq. She said she did so because the resolution connected Iraq to the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and said Iraq poses a continued threat to the United States.

Breaking News

Beginning September 1, 2008, Roger Ailes, the blog, is moving to MySpace. I think you'll like what you see.

Details here and here.

Now If They Just Get Rid of The Prison Gangs and The Chris Hansen Pedophile Fun Time Hour

Seems like the entire left blogosphere is celebrating the news of Rachel Maddow's show on MSNBC. With one exception.

Meanwhile, Howie the Putz really wants you to know that Rachel is gay, and that she "may also be" the first open lesbian in prime time television news. I'm sure Don Imus is rolling over in his grave right now.

Apology: This post fails to make the distinction between Talk Left and its commenters. By linking to the comment section at Talk Left, and bypassing the post, I meant to highlight the non-celebratory comments of (many of) the commenters without implicating the blog's proprietor, Jeralyn Merritt, in those sentiments. Instead, with the inappropriate phrase "one exception," it reads as if I am slamming Talk Left and Ms. Merritt herself. My intention was as pure as the macadam on the Highway to Hell, but my words did not convey my intention. My sincere apologies to Ms. Merritt.

All Veepstakes, All The Time

The children in The Corner are soiling themselves over the impending choice of the man who will be President when a President McCain strokes out.

Sister Mary Kathyrn Unibrow writes:

Pro-Choice, Wrong Choice

David Limbaugh issues a warning.

Don't stand downwind of me would be a more helpful warning from Fredo.*

Responding to Rich Lowry's post on Tom Ridge as VeePee, the Runaway Bride of Christ also writes:

I've heard the same late today and I can't help but think

a) They couldn't possibly think that's a good idea. After all it's not "just" abortion. He's a liberal Democrat!

b) They are freaking us out so we give thanks when the time comes and it's a solid choice.

Besides writing, I'm praying.

No, you're hallucinating, just like you are here:

Obama's Veep

I'm increasingly nervous it will be Senator Casey. Some would interpret that as a new Democratic party. Pro-lifers shouldn't be such cheap dates.

For Ms. Lopez, life is a Hidden Picture puzzle, and all the hidden objects are fetuses.

Basic-cable filler queen Cokie Kudlow also rubs his gums in anticipation of a long-shot:

It is being widely reported that John McCain will announce his Veep pick on August 29, the day after the Dem Convention in Dayton, Ohio. My immediate thought is Rob Portman.

I was thinking Bob Ney, but I tend to be more reality-based than Cokie.

Finally, Jonah Goldberg is thinking about sex and not the number two slot (or maybe it's both), when he writes:

Newt "The Spatula" Gingrich

*"Fredo" appears courtesy of TBogg.

McCain Family Values

That Cindy McCain is one class act:

The Portalski family is accustomed to hearing Cindy McCain described as [Jim] Hensley's only child.

She's been described that way by news organizations from The New Yorker and The New York Times to Newsweek and ABC.

McCain herself routinely uses the phrase "only child," as she did on CNN last month. "I grew up with my dad," she said then. "I'm an only child. My father was a cowboy, and he really loved me very much, but I think he wanted a son occasionally.

...

Documents show Kathleen Anne Hensley was born to Jim and Mary Jeanne Hensley on Feb. 23, 1943. They had been married for six years when Kathleen was born.

...

"The fact that we don't exist," [Kathleen's son, Nicholas] says. "The fact that we've never been recognized, and then Cindy has to put such a fine point on it by saying something that's not true. Recently, again and again. It's just very, very hurtful."

Kathleen Portalski says she'd like an acknowledgment and an apology.

There's nothing like Republican family values. Your sister can't do anything for you; she's dead to you. The most charitable spin is that Cindy Lou Hoover just forgot about her sister due to all the blow she ingested in the 80s and 90s.

Like Rictus Johnny, Jim Hensley had a child, went to war and then dumped the mother of his child for a woman he hooked up with during his marriage. Unlike Rictus Johnny, Hensley's second wife apparently didn't finance her husband's political career and luxury-loafer lifestyle. Perhaps Meghan McCain will emulate her forbears and poach some creepy old married dude who returns to the States after tours of duty in Iraq, Iran and Georgia.

Do I Offend?

Slacker that I am, not only have I not been credentialed to cover the DonkeyCon in Denver, I haven't offended that fat fuck Bill Donohue enough:

Over 120 blogs have been credentialed as members of the media for the Democratic National Convention; those who have received credentials are allowed to cover the Convention at the Pepsi Center. While most of them offer legitimate commentary, some do not.

Catholic League president Bill Donohue is protesting two of the blogs:

“The list of credentialed blogs include radical sites like The Daily Kos. Worse are blogs that feature anti-Catholic and obscene material. The two most offensive are Bitch Ph.D. and Towleroad.

Wait a second. My commentary is as illegitimate as Bill Donahue's 10 bastard children. Surely Bill should call for a boycott of my site as well.

Let's see when offends Friar Fuck:

"On the home page of Bitch Ph.D. there is a picture of two children: one of them is shown flashing his middle finger. Today's lead post, which was written August 17, is called "Jesus Christ." It begins with, "I'm a really crappy Catholic who hasn't been to mass in ages because most parishes around here 'will' insist on being aggressively anti-abortion….' The writer then objects to some children's toys on the grounds that they are more offensive than desecrating the Eucharist. The toys are actually balloons that have been made to depict Jesus in various poses, including a crucified Christ; one of these images shows Jesus with a penis. Several who commented on this image made patently obscene comments.

That's pretty bad. Everyone knows Jesus didn't have a penis.

I guess Bill really is Christ-like.

"Towleroad describes itself as 'A Site with Homosexual Tendencies.' Accordingly, it shows men in jock straps and underwear. It also has a post on Pope Benedict XVI that takes him to task for wearing a cape with ermine. Some of those who commented on this described the pope in a vile and profane way.

If the DNC bars Towleroad, they must also ban every publication and televison network which shows men in their underwear. Including the Sears catalog.

I demand that Bill Donahue immediately renounce and denounce me, that he spew me out of his mouth, and that he cancel that subscription to Manhole I bought him four years ago.

p.s. to Bill: You're seeing a penises and jockstraps where none exist. The "penis" is a balloon loincloth, and swim trunks are not underwear or a jockstrap. You clearly need more time in Pastor Ted's Reparative Group Therapy Encounter Workshops.

The Chicago Way

The bullet-riddled, maggot-ridden corpse of Mary Matalin was found today, in a dumpster behind the Cubby Bear Lounge.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

The Celluloid Water Closet

Via Jesse Taylor, we see that conservatives are venturing from their traditional territory of unfunny cartoons and unfunny columns and shitty weblogs into a new arena: unfunny, shitty movies. Coming in Rockotober 2008: An American Carol:

In a clip we saw, [George] Washington takes Malone [a caricature of Michael Moore, portrayed by a fat guy] to St. Paul's Cathedral to lecture him on freedom of religion and "freedom of speech, which you abuse." Malone is grossed out by dust in the priest's box, so the doors open onto the smoldering ruins of the World Trade Center. "This is the dust of 3000 innocent human beings!" bellows Washington. Malone whimpers that he's just making movies. Washington won't have it. "Is that what you plan to say on Judgment Day?"

"That scene," said [Myrna "Shecky"] Sokoloff, "is hard to put in a comedy. But we had to do it."

They had to.

It's funny because Michael Moore caused 9/11.

Actually, it's funny because George Washington put in his will that his slaves would be freed when his wife died.

No, wait. It's funny because it's Weekend At Bernie's times 3,000. With a fat guy.

Most Hollywood comedies are apolitical and not particularly funny. But it's hard to believe you could make a movie this craptacular without trying to make it so terrible.

Roger's Assignment Desk

The EMMESSEMMESSEMM has a lot of catching up to do, as regards stories they have conspired to conceal from the American public. So get off your asses, guys, and start reporting:

Assigned to The Wall Street Journal:

Bush, who said he quit drinking the morning after his 40th birthday, has started boozing amid the Katrina catastrophe.

Family sources have told how the 59-year-old president was caught by First Lady Laura downing a shot of booze at their family ranch in Crawford, Texas, when he learned of the hurricane disaster....

A Washington source said: "The sad fact is that he has been sneaking drinks for weeks now. Laura may have only just caught him — but the word is his drinking has been going on for a while in the capital. He's been in a pressure cooker for months."

Assigned to the New York Post:

While highbrow newspapers such as The New York Times have concentrated on Condoleezza Rice's efforts to secure peace [sic], the tabloid National Enquirer chose to speculate on her sexuality.

In an article entitled "Who's Gay and Who's Not" the paper reports that it is "an open secret" that Ms Rice is a lesbian.

It quotes a blog report that she was out when she worked source at [sic] provost of Stanford University in California.

Assigned to the EIB Network:

The story of a Florida police investigation into Limbaugh's alleged history of purchasing a lot of pain killers, including OxyContin, Lorcet and hydrocodone, from a black market drug ring was first published in the National Enquirer. According to the Enquirer, Limbaugh's former housekeeper Wilma Cline helped deliver illegal pain killers to him for over four years.

Assigned to The Washington Times:

Inside the frightening world of fanatical "brainwashing" sect Moon sect

Or you could, you know, report on the Bush Adminstration's lies about WMD in Iraq, 9/11, illegal eavesdropping, torture, illegal political firings at the Justice Department and other topics that don't involve one-(right) handed typing.

Never Gonna Let It Go

K-Lo is like a dog with a bone:

Former Altar Boy Tim [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

A priest friend points out that Tim Pawlenty is a fallen away Catholic and wonders if that's a liability. I actually don't think it makes a difference to Catholics, even if they're sorry to hear he's left the fold. I assume evangelicals would welcome a convert running. But that assumes social-conservative evangelicals are kinder to religious converts than they were to a Mormon political convert.

Imagine waking up on Saturday morning and feeling the overwhelming need to express the foregoing sentiment to everyone before anything else.

And it's not even a coherent whine. A large segment of the Repug fundies went for O.K. Huckabee, who is one of their own. Why should the Bible-humpers show kindness to a styrofoam head who changed his politics simply for the sake of his career, and to bamboozle dimwits like Lopez? And there are plenty of other reasons to hate Mitt, whether from a fundie perspective or a rational one.

It's Confirmed

John Edwards has had sex with at least two more human beings than Mickey Kaus.

It's a shame, of course, but it would be a far greater shame if we got a third Bush term. Sometimes you have to take one for the team. Sometimes it's not about you. It seems we can't have FDRs and MLKs and JFKs any more, although we're still allowed RWRs and RWGs and JSMs. (And even RJDs.) So go do something useful, Senator. Your message is true, but people won't be hearing your message for a while.

John McCain Is The New Amway

How much fun is this?

Participate in the First McCain National Event Day by hosting an event at your home on Thursday, August 14th! By registering to host a house party, you will:

Receive a free Host Kit that includes bumper stickers, sign-in sheets, voter registration information, and a suggested agenda

Listen in on a Conference Call led by a McCain Campaign VIP

Receive John McCain's Courageous Service DVD

Receive a Letter from John McCain

Learn more about how to register voters, make calls, and knock on doors in support of John McCain

Have a group discussion about the campaign with guests and report ideas back to the campaign.

Act quickly, before the foreclosure is completed.

Which Character From English Literature Is MoldDough, Or, Stewed and Stupidity

If DNA extracted from the fictive corpses of Uriah Heep and Miss Havisham was used to genetically engineer a putative human being, she'd write like this:

If Obama is Mr. Darcy, with "his pride, his abominable pride," then America is Elizabeth Bennet, spirited, playful, democratic, financially strained, and caught up in certain prejudices. (McCain must be cast as Wickham, the rival for Elizabeth's affections, the engaging military scamp who casts false aspersions on Darcy's character.)