Full Of CAP

(This is a bit stale, but still uninteresting. Was unfortunately sidetracked. I see I missed the death and resurrection of al-Zawahiri too.)

ABC News's Jake Tapper offers this apparently serious apology of Princetonian bigots:

First off, D'Souza says, one of the two stories from Prospect that Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA, read this week at the confirmation hearings was intended as a satire.

The 1983 essay "In Defense of Elitism" by Harry Crocker III included this line, read dramatically by Kennedy: "People nowadays just don't seem to know their place. Everywhere one turns blacks and hispanics are demanding jobs simply because they're black and hispanic..."

The essay may not have been funny, D'Souza acknowledges, but Kennedy read from it as if it had been serious instead of an attempt at humor.

Ah, yes. Satire. The use of humor to expose or attack folly or other human vice.

As we know from Mallard Fillmore, Day-by-Day, Gaggle and other efforts at humor by right-wing hacks, attempted satire can be very unfunny.

But exactly what human folly was CAP exposing? Was it ridiculing the bigotry of its wealthy, right-wing benefactors? Doesn't sound like it to me. Tapper certainly doesn't identify the butt of CAP's purported joke.

Racists and sexists and homophobes can attempt satire just like anyone else -- satire premised on their bigoted stereotypes. Emphasizing the "joke" in "racist joke" is not a defense to racism. Tapper should be smart enough to understand that.

p.s. to Tapper -- Don't give Kevin Trudeau your credit card number.

John J. Miller, one of the lesser-known Corner nimrods, opines:

"I've seen commercials in recent weeks for a new show on ABC called In Justice, whose basic plotline, every episode, appears to revolve around ordinary folks who've been cheated by the criminal justice system -- innocents behind bars, etc. Maybe it's a great show. (I have my doubts, but I haven't seen it.) Personally, I'd prefer a program that focuses on what is probably a much bigger problem -- people behind bars who claim they're innocent, even though they're lying."

Screw those innocents who have lost their liberty, their families and their dignity through wrongful conviction -- we need to do something about those guilty persons who are in prison!

Depends Media mogul Michael Barone is a dishonest sack of shit. Here's Barone, presenting his latest lie:

"So much for democracy

Here's James Risen, the New York Times reporter who coauthored the paper's December 16 story on NSA surveillance of foreign terrorists [sic], flogging his new book on the Today show. He presents an interesting theory of governance.

"Risen: Well, I -- I think that during a period from about 2000 -- from 9/11 through the beginning of the gulf -- the war in Iraq, I think what happened was you -- we -- the checks and balances that normally keep American foreign policy and national security policy towards the center kind of broke down. And you had more of a radicalization of American foreign policy in which the -- the -- the career professionals were not really given a chance to kind of forge a consensus within the administration. And so you had the -- the -- the principles -- Rumsfeld, Cheney and Tenet and Rice and many others -- who were meeting constantly, setting policy and really never allowed the people who understand -- the experts who understand the region to have much of a say.

"Couric: You suggest there was a lot of power grabbing going on."

Because he thinks you're morons, Barone tells you that that Risen was describing how democracy should work -- a "theory of governance," if you will.

Of course, the gasbag is lying to your face. That's what he does.

That's all he does.

Here's what Risen said, in context, and with the preliminary questions that Barone omitted, to decieve:

COURIC: And, in fact, he [an Iraqi sent by the Administration] claimed that the nuclear weapons, or the WMD, had been destroyed during the first Gulf War during the bombing strafe, right?

Mr. RISEN: Yes, right. And then it had been abandoned right after the war. And that's...

COURIC: So they came back and reported what they had found. How many people, by the way, were dispatched in all?

Mr. RISEN: Roughly 30.

COURIC: So they came back. They reported that there were no weapons of mass destruction. Were they listened to?

Mr. RISEN: No. They were basically ignored. In fact, the CIA believed--they came to believe that, well, these people are just being told what--what these guys, you know, are being ordered by Saddam to say, that this is dis--disinformation, and so they ignored it.

COURIC: Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, George Tenet do not come across very well in this book.

Mr. RISEN: Well, I--I think that during a period from about 2000--from 9/11 through the beginning of the Gulf--the war in Iraq, I think what happened was you--we--the checks and balances that normally keep American foreign policy and national security policy towards the center kind of broke down. And you had more of a radicalization of American foreign policy in which the--the--the career professionals were not really given a chance to kind of forge a consensus within the administration. And so you had the--the--the principles--Rumsfeld, Cheney and Tenet and Rice and many others--who were meeting constantly, setting policy and really never allowed the people who understand--the experts who understand the region to have much of a say.

As Barone knows, Risen is explaining why the Administration's WMD lies were lies (although Risen soft-pedals it) and why the Iraq debacle happened. He's not suggesting that the government should be run by the career professionals; he's showing how and why the Administration fucked up through willful ignorance.

The Surgeon General should declare Barone the leading cause of rectal cancer, given the malignant properties of the smoke he blows up your ass on a daily basis.

I'm Sorry I Got Caught

James Wolcott's post "Big Tears Mean Nothing" isn't about the phoney-baloney contrition of Jack Abramoff or even Duke Cunningham's dry heaves poised over his $3,000 commode. It's about this fascinating expose of James Frey, some author I'd never heard of (though I've seen his tome in bookstores). The Smoking Gun expose posits that Frey turned his extremely boring white-bread youth into a best-selling junkie memoir, called The Preppie Basketball Diaries or some such nonsense, by making up all the good parts.

Next thing you know, we'll come to find Toni Bentley only took it somewhere in the vicinity of the ass, that Kat Harrison and her dad are just good friends, and that Dave Pelzer isn't everything it claims to be.

Wolcott says, "I'm just automatically suspicious of every tale of woe that's peddled as a tale of redemption." Like Paul Bremer's new novel, Receipts, My Ass.

Frey has been scheduled for Larry King's program for tomorrow. I hope he can withstand the gruelling cross-examination, if only so Lar doesn't bring him back for some gang therapy by Dr. Phil and Rick Warren.

Speaking of friends in high crimes places, Rolling Stone reminds us of the Abramoff-Rove connection:

In 2001, Karl Rove needed a Gal Friday, someone to help oversee the "strategic planning, political affairs, public liaison, and intergovernmental affairs efforts of the White House." He chose Susan Ralston, who came highly recommended from a friend: Jack Abramoff. Ralston performed similar duties for the Don of K Street -- that is until Abramoff realized she'd be far more useful embedded in the West Wing. (Ralston had also previous worked for Abramoff and Rove's fellow College Republican crony Ralph Reed.)

Installing his top assistant as Rove's gatekeeper appeared to pay dividends. In 2003, Abramoff was hired by scandal-ridden Tyco to help the corporation secure lucrative federal contracts despite its being incorporated -- for tax-evasion purposes -- in Bermuda. According to the Washington Post, Abramoff later bragged that he'd been able to lobby Rove directly on the issue. The article targets Ralston as the only likely conduit.

Toward Amnesia

The friends of Jack don't know Jack any more.

Lobbyist Jack Abramoff funneled money through a Mercer Island religious foundation as he tried to influence a top aide to Republican congressional leader Tom DeLay, according to his guilty plea last week to corruption charges.

Rabbi Daniel Lapin confirmed Sunday it was his foundation, Toward Tradition, that took $50,000 from two Abramoff clients and, at Abramoff's suggestion, used it to hire the aide's wife to organize a conference for the group.

Lapin said he and his board had no idea the money was part of Abramoff's vast scheme to influence Congress and, in this case, stop bills to raise postal rates and ban online lotteries.

"I know noth-ink, NO-THINK!" exclaimed Lapin. "How could I know that the man for whom I forged credentials would be involved in something dishonest?" Lapin added, "Buy my video from the TBN network, and get my tapes on how to 'Unlock[] Judaism's Unique Approach to Wealth Creation.'"

How friendly were Jack and Dan?

There are other ties between Lapin and Abramoff, who worked for the Seattle-based law and lobbying firm Preston Gates from 1994 to 2000. Abramoff served on the board of Toward Tradition, including a stint as chairman, and donated the $10,000 or so a year expected from board members, Lapin said.

One year Abramoff met that commitment by sending a check from the Capital Athletic Foundation, an organization he controlled that has become a key piece of the corruption investigation.

And Michael "the Oil Companies are Anti-Semitic" Medved also distances himself from his fellow Toward Tradition board member:

In an interview Sunday, Medved said he has met Abramoff only a few times, shared three meals with him, and added, "Jack's not a part of my life, thank God."

...

"I certainly do wish I had never met Jack and Jack had never met any friends of mine," Medved said.

And you might want to stop payment on that $10K check for this year's seat on the Toward Tradition board. That stock is plummeting, ethical capitalism-wise.

Meanwhile, Dana Rohrabacher is modifying his defense of Jackoff: "They're portraying Jack as a monster. I see him more as a good person who's done bad things and has to be punished for doing bad things." As opposed to a bad person who's done bad things, I guess.

And the New York Times notes that Jack's claim of contrition is a fraud on the court:

In public and in private, Mr. Abramoff has said he feels "profound regret and sorrow" for the acts acknowledged in his plea. He has also expressed remorse for using degrading terms to describe his Indian clients, saying his language was sloppy. But in conversations with people he considers sympathetic, he has insisted that his practices were Washington business as usual.

Let's not forget that at sentencing time.

Abramoff

LaPaglia

Studied Ignorance

BLITZER: Should Democrats who took money from Jack Abramoff, who has now pleaded guilty to bribery charges, among other charges, a Republican lobbyist in Washington, should the Democrat who took money from him give that money to charity or give it back?

DEAN: There are no Democrats who took money from Jack Abramoff, not one, not one single Democrat. Every person named in this scandal is a Republican. Every person under investigation is a Republican. Every person indicted is a Republican. This is a Republican finance scandal. There is no evidence that Jack Abramoff ever gave any Democrat any money. And we've looked through all of those FEC reports to make sure that's true.

BLITZER: But through various Abramoff-related organizations and outfits, a bunch of Democrats did take money that presumably originated with Jack Abramoff.

DEAN: That's not true either. There's no evidence for that either. There is no evidence...

Why that's just -- presumably -- crazy talk.

But what does this have to do with the Pumpkinhead? He was reading from the same fax as Wolfie this a.m.:

MR. RUSSERT: Senator Harry Reid, the leader of the Democrats in the Senate, received $60,000 from Jack Abramoff, says he won't give it back. Why not?

SEN. SCHUMER: Well, he hasn't received any money from Jack Abramoff. In fact, I talked to Harry Reid.

MR. RUSSERT: Well, tribal clients. I mean...

SEN. SCHUMER: Well, but the tribal clients are sometimes different. I mean, lots of senators, Democrat and Republican in the West, have relationships -- particularly in the West, have relationships with the Indian tribes. And let me say this: The issue here is not simply receiving contributions. The issue is whether services were rendered in return. That's what the Justice Department is mentioning. The Justice Department has mentioned the names of a group of people -- John is certainly right; it's not everybody, but every single person they mentioned was a Republican. Harry Reid's name was not mentioned. He's a person of integrity and I don't think the two are at all the same.

I expect it will be a few days before Blitzer and Russert try that trick again. But they will.

Russert also was particularly gentle with Senator Cornholyo, not asking any follow-ups on Ralph Reed's claim that Cornholyo was in the right front pants pocket of Reed and Abramoff. Wouldn't want to put that one up on the screen, eh, Tim?

Roger's Year In Review Quiz: The Answers

Part I - Who Said It?

1. Harriet Miers; 2. George Bush; 3. Nick Kristof; 4. also Nick Kristof; 5. Randy "Duke" Cunningham; 6. John "Assrocket" Hinderaker; 7. James Guckert; 8. Pat Robertson; 9. Doughy Pantload; 10. Dennis Prager; 11. Bill Frist; 12. Scooter Libby; 13. Michelle Malkin; 14. Barbara Bush; 15. John Midgeson Podhoretz; 16. Michael Brown; 17. Susan Estrich; 18. Jeff Jarvis; 19. Jack Abramoff; 20. Condoleezza Rice.

Part II - Dr. Phil in the Blank

1. ongoing investigation; 2. Sunday; 3. black people; 4. drink-soaked former Troskyist popinjay; 5. Run Amok; 6. white women; 7. terrorists; 8. Nowhere; 9. bullshit; 10. last throes

Part III - Grand Old Police Blotter

1. m; 2. g; 3. f; 4. j; 5. a; 6. l; 7. k; 8. p; 9. b; 10. c; 11. n; 12. r; 13. s; 14. i; 15. h; 16. d; 17. t; 18. e; 19. q; 20. o

Status as of 12/31/05: Accused: Bush, Ney, West, Sherwood, Williams; Indicted: Safavian, Libby, Black, Noe, Abramoff, DeLay; Convicted (including guilty pleas): Cunningham, Kidan, Taft, Dasen, Franklin, Fox, Tobin, Greene, Scanlon

Part IV - Liars In Love

1. f; 2. i; 3. b; 4. e; 5. j; 6. g; 7. d; 8. a; 9. h; 10. c

Part V - Multiple Guess

1. e; 2. c; 3. d; 4. d; 5. a; 6. b; 7. d; 8. d; e. 9. c; 10. c (it's gone up a couple of billion since the question was posted).

Update II (1/9/05): Corrected as per comments.