Now it can be revealed! Ted "Art" Haggard is a victim of the War Against Christmas:
The Rev. Ted Haggard denied the allegation that the two men met for sex as often as every month for the last three years. But he did say that he had gone to the prostitute's Denver apartment for a massage and later called him more than once to buy meth -- a drug thought to heighten sexual sensation.
The man Haggard met in Denver, Mike Jones, has advertised as a male escort in gay magazines. His website promises massages "with the pleasure of the man in mind" and includes photos of his bodybuilder physique -- including one where he's nude except for a Santa hat. Haggard said he was referred to Jones for a massage by a Denver hotel.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
But unlike Ted, Christmas comes only once a year.
Update: CNN and others report that the "board of overseers" at Father Ted's parish have let the door hit Ted on the ass on his way out. Apparently, they either think Ted's been lying to them, or they think getting a massage is sex. This is Father Dougal Parsley's big break.