With A Whimper

My New Year's Resolution is to blog more in 2012.

And to complete the King William's College Quiz.

Happy Holidays from the staff of Roger Ailes

I'll Take Things Other Than The Constitution Ron Paul Hasn't Read For Two Thousand

Fictitious whitey tape?  Much wingnut wetting of pants.

Actual whitey pape... er?  Republicans make him the frontrunner.

I'd love to know what portion of Herb Cain supporters are now backing Ron Paul. 

Fantasy Political Football

Ostensible Democrats Pat "Crazy Eyes" Caddell and Doug "Stupid Motherfucker" Schoen are back with their insipid Vilify Obama Draft Hillary campaign. Here's the centerpiece of their argument:

As political realists, we know that every recent presidential candidate who has emerged — from Obama in 2008 to Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and now Newt Gingrich — has been citizen-driven. The elites have not driven the process; ordinary voters have filled the void.

Such a void exists now.

Yes, Crazy and Mofo base their argument for a Hillary campaign on the examples of three stunning electoral failures[1], one soon-to-be stunning electoral failure, and the candidacy of the candidate they believe is ruining America.

They don't argue that any of the four citizen-driven Republicans would be good Presidents, and they argue that citizen-driven Obama is a bad President. They don't argue that Hillary would win, or is even interested in running. No, the purpose of their exercise is to "send a message the Democratic Party must stand for something more than Obama's reelection at all costs." But they don't suggest what that "something more" is, beyond "unification" and "a healing process" and "bi-partisanship." (Surely the results of a Clinton presidency!) Apparently what the Democratic Party must stand for is the election of a Republican president.

[1] Yes, I realize there hasn't been an election yet.  Why postpone the inevitable?

Chunky Reese Witherspoon II: Episcopalian Bugaloo

Those chubby drunks can't keep away from Ross Douthat:

But my strongest memory comes from a Washington dinner party two years ago, when he cornered me in the pantry and insisted on having a long argument about the Gospel narratives.

Vicars and Tarts, indeed.

Caucus? You Barely Know Us!

Getting your ass kicked by Ron Paul in Iowa. That's gotta hurt.

Iowa Republicans, may I suggest you just write in John McCain's name.

The Hitch Is Back

Ashes to ashes. Smoking will do that you.

Christopher Hitchens has died. He is not survived by thousands of Americans and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis killed by America's occupation of Iraq.

The Bill Bennett Primary

To be fair to Mitt Romney, it's not so much a prohibition as it is friendly advice from the Angel Moroni, who lost millions betting on the Utah Jazz.

Allahu Snackbar

My favorite type of media bias blogpost is the one where a wingnut demonstrates that the media isn't covering a story by linking to a media outlet covering the story. Today's example -- no link -- comes from the developmentally unable Jim Hoft, who ejaculates: "not one media outlet reported that the man was screaming 'Allahu Akbar' as he shot at innocent Hollywood drivers."

For those who care, Hoft links to a KTLA broadcast report in which one person claimed that the gunman -- a man named Tyler Brehm, a young man who reportedly abused prescription drugs and was distraught over the end of a relationship -- had shouted "Allhu Akbar" during his shooting spree.

Apparently, KTLA is not a media outlet, and those who pay to advertise on it should demand their money back. (Those who believe they have viewed it are just mentally ill.)

But pointing out that Jim Hoft is a dolt is like predicting the occurrence of yesterday. So let's cover some real terrorist news:

GAUTIER -- Gautier police said today that a home invasion last night appears to have been the first strike by a vigilante-style group of teens lead by a 32-year-old in Gautier.

Police confiscated an operations manual for the para-military group that calls itself Tactical Search Unit (TSU) of The Savior Unit and states that its purpose is to “promote Christ, obtain offenders who are a danger to society, do community service work for churches and halfway houses, and do security for different functions.”

The leader of the group, Michael Shaun Schaffran, 32, the “commander” and Cody Jacob Rogers, 18, who police say is the “captain” of the group were arrested within minutes of a home invasion at about 7:45 p.m. Tuesday. They were each charged with three counts of kidnapping and burglar [sic] of an occupied house.

Police said the two, clothed in black and military camouflage with ski masks over their faces, went to a home on Dailey Road in north Gautier, burst in and dragged the three people who live there out of the house. One was a 70-year-old man.

God IS Great.

P.S. Here's the defense case, which amounts to: They were walking past the woods and heard a woman scream, and went to help. Plus they were dressed in black because they were on their way home from their job as mimes.

From the subliterate Mediaite website:

During a recent holiday season, [Marine] Master Sgt. Robert Allen was stationed in Iraq, far away from his wife back home. So, he wrote a song about how much he missed her and sent it to her on Christmas Eve. According to Allen, his wife Carla “balled her eyes out when she heard it.”

Mrs. Allen, the Newt Gingrich of Marine Corps spouses.

Or, more correctly, Dan Abrams, employer of illiterate fuckheads. Mrs. Allen should take Mediaite for every penny it has.

Herb Cain, Kingmaker

And so the bidding war begins. Which GOP hopeful will put up the most cash and tenderonis to buy purchase Herban Cain's endorsement? Newt Gingrich is the only contender who will look cleaner if Herb's funk rubs off on him, Mitt Romney's desperate enough to do it, and the rest of the field can't afford Herb's lifestyle. It really is a two man race.

Kudos to Sky News Australia for being the first to use "Cain Pulls Out...."

Herb's problem was there weren't enough schwing states in the earlier primaries and, thus, he had no path to victory.

Cain Does A Palin

December 3, 2011 (RNN) -- As donations and tenderonis dried up in the wake of charges of adultery, Herman Cain announced today that he has suspended his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination. A julbiant Newt Gingrich (R - K Street) responded to the news by stating, "That's more action for me."

Puppy Mill Survivors Provide Needed Career Counselling

Moses Whine and the Mystery of Herman Cain, this month's alternate selection of the Homeschooling Book Club. Only $9.99.

Simple Simon's now all, "sexual harassment charges are serious business, especially when they are on the books," but a month ago he was like, "I dare not compliment a woman on her hairdo in the workplace for fear I am open to suit." When you've got Alzheimer's, everything's a mystery.

The Law Of The Land

The strange thing about this exchange, which no one seems to have noticed, is that it took place in Iowa:

JANE SCHMIDT: One of my main concerns is government support for the LGBT community. So my question is what would you do to protect GSAs in high school and support the LGBT community.

BACHMANN: Well, No. 1, all of us as Americans have the same rights. The same civil rights. And so that's really what government's role is, to protect our civil rights. There shouldn't be any special rights or special set of criteria based upon people's preferences. We all have the same civil rights.

JANE SCHMIDT: Then, why can't same-sex couples get married?

BACHMANN: They can get married, but they abide by the same law as everyone else. They can marry a man if they’re a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they're a man.

JANE SCHMIDT: Why can't a man marry a man?

BACHMANN: Because that's not the law of the land.

JANE SCHMIDT: So heterosexual couples have a privilege.

BACHMANN: No, they have the same opportunity under the law. There is no right to same-sex marriage.

Because that's not the law of the land.

Remember, this exchange took place in Iowa.

Perhaps Ms. Bachmann means that same-sex couples can't get married at the U.S. Embassay in Teheran.

A Programming Note

TBogg is hosting a chat with James Wolcott, author of Lucking Out, on Sunday at 2 p.m. PST, 1 p.m. MST. It's nice to see the boys have settled their East Coast/West Coast feud.

Update 11/3: I seen C-SPAN2 is spending three hours "In Depth" with BoBo Brooks this Sunday. So you have you choice of two of America's greatest living writers, or BoBo Brooks.

How to Succeed In Journalism By Not Really Trying

Now I didn't go to one of them fancy journalism schools, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, but while you had Herb Cain's p.r. flack on the blower, there's some questions you might have wanted to ax said shyster:

Lin Wood, Cain's attorney, told the AJC on Wednesday that he thinks most of the messages were asking for money, which Cain has admitted to providing the Dunwoody woman who has repeatedly faced eviction. Cain has denied a physical relationship with White.

...

"Maintain common sense," Wood said in an interview. "Mr. Cain was extremely busy in his campaign. He didn't have time to send a lot of texts."

...

On Wednesday, Wood sent a letter to White's attorney, Edward Buckley, asking for her phone records to "test her credibility and motive" for coming forward to the media. Wood, in the letter, said he wanted to "ascertain whether the decision to grant interviews was politically motivated and to determine whether she has received or [been] promised money for participating."

Question One: Where are Herb's phone records, Woody Peckerwood? You know, the ones that support your premise that Herb didn't have time to use the phone.

Questions Two through Four: What makes you think that most of the messages were asking for money? Something your client said? And what was your client's response to those messages?

Question Five: If you want those phone records so bad, Woody, why don'tcha file a defamation lawsuit against Ms. White and pound out some discovery requests?

Questions Six and Seven: Who did Herb call after the story broke? Won't those calls will establish whether Herb's denials are politically and financially motivated?

Roger's Holiday Gift Guide 2011: Video Game Edition

I don't play video games, so don't ask me. My advice is: If you want to give someone a videogame as a holiday gift, ask his or her parents what game he or she might like.

9-9-9 In Action

The fact that Herman Cain spent 13 years trying to "help someone financially" and failed to do so should tell you everything you need to know about the Cain Presidency. "The economy just might turn around beginning about five years after my second term."

Morning Joe has a strict policy on douchebaggery: Show, don't tell.

Coming Attractions

This is the innaugural year for the Roger Ailes Gift Guide, the perfect resource for those of you with too much money and too few brains. First up, a $1,500.00 food processor.

I'm thankful I will be nowhere near a shopping mall tomorrow.

Shorter Oly Olafson

Herman, I'm The One That You Want

Shorter David French: Every day businesses which have no obligation to do so give the price of a loaded 2012 Mercedes-Benz to an unqualified employee who falsely accuses their CEO of harassment. Why, if I said that Rich Lowry grabbed my junk, I'd be driving that swanky new Kia Sorrento off the lot in a matter of days.

Things are getting tough out there for Ann Coulter's Black. At least one National Review Online blogger is calling for Cain to go to work for FOX News full time:

First you blame Perry. Then you blame the media. Then you’re done talking about it. Then you hold a press conference and blame Democrats and the media. And now you’re just making stuff up. Time to exit, Mr. Cain.

Dude, those are his qualifications.

Brothers From A Koched-Up Mother

Zeppo, Gaucho, Wacko and Dildo.

Breaking: Must Credit Moron

A Washington Examiner exclusive:

Document produced by government showing a government employee received a lawful payment demonstrates that the employee didn't disclose the payment to the government.

Better wingnut morons, please.

The Cain Scrutiny

Because Herb Cain puns are fast approaching their sell-by date.

Shorter Republican Party

Over at the Cain-Gingrich "Lincoln-Douglas Stylee" debate, Newt Gingrich was waxing poetic about the glories of capitalism with an analogy about the Quarter Pounder with Cheese: "If you open up the bag, and there's no Quarter Pounder with Cheese in there, you're going to be unhappy." Herb Cain, sensing an opportunity, asked Newt, "Do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in France?" Newt responded by playing the experience card, stating that only one of the candidates on stage had successfully committed adultery.

We Are the 1 Percent

Todd Remis demands satisfaction:

In November 2003, Mr. Remis, an equity research analyst, and his fiancée, Milena Grzibovska, stepped into the H & H studio, which was then in Riverdale, met with Mr. Fried and signed a contract to have photographs and videotape taken of their wedding the next month — on Dec. 28 — for $4,100.

It was a small party, with fewer than 40 guests, at Castle on the Hudson in Tarrytown. Photographs show a cheerful bride and groom surrounded by delighted relatives, including Ms. Grzibovska’s mother, Irina, and her sister Alina, who traveled from Latvia.

But a month after the wedding, when Mr. Remis returned to the studio to look over the proofs, he complained that the three-person crew had missed the last 15 minutes — the last dance and the bouquet toss. He noted in a deposition last July that the employees at H & H did not respond in a courtly fashion.

“I remember being yelled at more than I have ever been yelled at before,” Mr. Remis said.

In his lawsuit {filed in 2009], he also complained that the photographs were “unacceptable as to color, lighting, poses, positioning” and that a video, which he had expected to record the wedding’s six hours, was only two hours long.
“I need to have the wedding recreated exactly as it was so that the remaining 15 percent of the wedding that was not shot can be shot,” he testified. (Emphasis added.)

Despite his evident numeracy and analytical skills, Todd hasn't worked since 2008. His wife bailed in 2009. Another victim of the Bush recession.

Shorter Wesley Pruden, Jnr.

Back in the day when there were serious newspapers, the papers wouldn't report a woman's allegations of sexual harassment until my Daddy's friends had killed the harasser.

Pricks Or It Didn't Happen

Herb Cain and his "campaign" have turned their umbrage guns from racist lyncher Rick Perry to G.O.P. house organ PoliticHo:

A Herman Cain aide said Thursday that the Cain campaign is considering its legal options over the original Politico story, which revealed that the former head of the National Restaurant Association was accused of sexually harassing at least two women during his tenure in the 1990s.

"This is likely not over with Politico from a legal perspective," a campaign official told the Post, stopping short of explaining what exactly he meant by taking legal action against the publication.

Meanwhile, the Washington Post stopped short of explaining what exactly stopped it from asking a follow-up question when fed a line of bullshit.

Shorter Dennis Prager

The women callers to my show are maladjusted head cases.

Conflict of Interests at FOX

Is it any coincidence that FOX News had Wan Juilliams on the Geraldo Rivera Midnight Special to discuss the Herb Cain settlements?

For many journalists, the crystallizing moment was the revelation that Washington Post writer Juan Williams, one of Thomas' most ardent defenders, was himself an alleged harasser. The Post had printed a Williams column minimizing the gravity of the charges against Thomas without disclosing that Williams had been accused of verbally abusing female staff members over a period of at least four years. Post management also initially held back the paper's media writer, Howard Kurtz, from reporting on the angry reaction among Post staff members. It wasn't until WRC-TV, a local NBC affiliate, broke the story that the Post mentioned the controversy in its pages. And only after a protest by 116 newsroom employees did the paper concede that the charges against Williams were founded. Unlike most incidents of sexual harassment in newsrooms, the Williams case was widely reported, largely because of its intersection with the Thomas hearings and the conflict-of-interest question it raised.

I didn't see Wan's performance, so perhaps he copped to his sordid history. And maybe Howie Kurtz will cop to his disgraceful cowardly role in the cover-up. Hope springs eternal.

69-69-69

Herman Cain delivered a forceful defense of his signature tax plan in a speech in Washington on Monday morning, but he did not address allegations of sexual harassment that have posed a new challenge to his Republican presidential candidacy.

Under the plan, all settlements of harassment claims are taxed at 69 percent. The plan is expected to raise billions from FOX News hosts alone.

The Sound of Settling

Herb Cain's going to need better flacks than Mark "Cock" Block. On MSNBC's Daily Goatee, CockBlock asserted that he had no "personal knowledge" was not "personally aware" of Herb's sexual harassment settlements, but vowed unequivocally than Herb had never harassed anyone. Chuck E. Todd was unable to formulate the follow up question, namely, whether Herb had told him about the harassment settlements. (Or, alternatively, whether CockBlock's assurance of Herb's courtliness was based on his 24/7 observation of the Herb's lobbying gig.)

It sounds as if Herb is trying, and failing, to deny the settlements without violating a confidentiality clause in the settlements (which means all gags are off).

Maybe Herb can appear on Bill O'Reilly's program to set the record straight.

Update: TPM has the video, and I have corrected the post to quote the exact words of CockBlock's dodge. You be the judge as to whether I was too hard on Chuck E. Todd.

Riehl to Douthat: Squeal Like A Pig

Self-proclaimed man's man Dan Riehl takes to the epages of Politicho to top Ross Douthat:

Dan Riehl, another conservative blogger, described [Jennifer Rubbin] as an "establishment Republican" and a "neocon" and said he suspected the Post uses her as a kind of foil, to define the rightward limit of the debate as relatively close to the center.

“She’s kind of like [center-right (sic) New York Times columnist] Ross Douthat in lipstick, assuming he doesn't wear any,” Riehl said. "I guess she couldn't get a job with Romney so she stayed with The Washington Post."

Manly Dan's going down on Rick Perry's sinking ship, apparently, while Douthat writes like a Santorum supporter. No wonder the sex is so rough.

The Hill:

Report: Cain, Gingrich to square off in Lincoln-Douglas-style debate.

But which one will be Mary Todd Lincoln and which one Donna Douglas?

Shorter Little Debbie Jr.: "If you can't say anything nice, don't publish the truth."

Slightly longer Little Debbie Jr.: "The coverage of Scott Roeder's conviction was tendentious and unfair because the article didn't point out that other people have committed murder and didn't quote Operation Rescue's press releases."

Earlier coverage of the lickspittle here.

Roger's Book Club

Literature fans, rejoice. James Wolcott's true tale of New York in the 1970s, Lucking Out, comes out on pieces of paper Tuesday. I'll be picking up my copy Tuesday morning, if I can find a bookstore that's still in business.

Blue Girl has already given it high praise.

Roger's alternate selection: Morgue for Whores by Roy Edroso.

RIP John McCain's BFF

The Republican Party's favorite Libyan has bitten the dust. Just three years ago, Gaddafi had friends in high places:

President Bush called Libya's Moammar Gaddafi yesterday -- apparently the first time any president has spoken to the African leader -- to voice his satisfaction that Libya had settled a long-standing dispute over terrorist attacks, including the bombing of a Pan Am jet over Scotland, the White House said.

In their conversation, Bush and Gaddafi "discussed that this agreement should help to bring a painful chapter in the history between our two countries closer to closure," White House spokesman Gordon Johndroe said in a statement.

On Oct. 31, Libya paid $1.5 billion into a fund that will pay claims for the 1988 Pan Am 103 bombing over Lockerbie, Scotland, and the 1986 bombing of a German disco. Another $300 million will go to Libyan victims of U.S. airstrikes ordered in retaliation for the disco bombings. The payment cleared the last hurdle in restoration of full normalization of diplomatic relations between the United States and Libya.

...

A senior White House official told the Reuters news agency that there was no record of any previous U.S. president speaking to Gaddafi, who seized power in a 1969 military coup. Rights groups say Gaddafi's reign has been marked by human rights abuses and restrictions on freedom of expression.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice plans to meet Tuesday with Gaddafi's son Saif al-Islam Gaddafi, who will be in Washington on a private visit, officials said. In early September, after the settlement deal, Rice became the most senior U.S. official to visit Libya in more than a half century.

Pallin' around with Republicans: IOKIYAT.

Memo to Herb Cain

Waffling on the electrocution of Mexicans is no way to secure Mickey Kaus' endorsement.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Police Blotto Edition

Down in Instacracker country, one of Glenn Reynolds' role models finds himself at odds with his former employer:

Nashville, Tn - Local state representative Curry Todd has been arrested in Nashville. He is charged with DUI and possession of a handgun while under the influence.

Police picked him up around 11:15 Tuesday night.

Todd is a Republican from Collierville.

According to court documents, Rep. Todd was stopped in his GMC Envoy and police say they detected a strong odor of alcohol coming from the vehicle.

He allegedly failed a roadside sobriety test and refused to take a Breathalyzer test. A loaded .38-caliber gun was found in a holster stuffed between the driver seat and the center console.

A police affidavit said Todd was unsteady on his feet, "almost falling down at times." It concluded that Todd was "obviously very impaired and not in any condition to be carrying a loaded handgun."

The name of a lawyer for Todd, who is a former Memphis police officer, could not immediately be located. A spokesman for the House Republican Caucus had no immediate comment on the arrest.

Todd sponsored a 2009 bill to allow people with handgun carry permits to bring their weapons into bars and restaurants that serve alcohol, provided they don't drink. The law passed despite opposition from law enforcement and district attorney groups, and easily survived a veto from former Democratic Gov. Phil Bredesen.

Cars, liquor and guns, the libertarian trifecta!

Meanwhile, the G.O.P. leadership is concerned about the real victim:

House Majority Leader Gerald McCormick, R-Chattanooga, said it's too soon to say whether Todd will be stripped of his chairmanship of the House State and Local Government Committee.

McCormick said in a press conference that he had spoken briefly with Todd to tell his colleague he was "praying for him and being supportive of him on a personal basis."

He even bought Todd a few rounds.

Update (10/18): Sot Toddy has decided that his arrest provides a good reason for him to reduce his workload, but not his government paycheck.

Herb Cain in the Membrane

How could Karla Faye Tucker's wingut welfare website get such an important story wrong?

Country Singer Lee Greenwod Endorses Herman Cain

By Alex Pappas -- The Daily Caller

Herman Cain has the support of a man who is proud to be an American — and has a song to prove it.

Lee Greenwood, who is best known for his patriotic hit “God Bless the USA,” is part of a group of musicians who offered their support to Cain, a Republican candidate for president, Monday in Nashville.

...

UPDATE: While the group of country music artists blasted out a press release saying musician Lee Greenwood is endorsing Presidential candidate Herman Cain, Greenwood’s manager told TheDC that the musician hasn’t made any endorsement yet and the group mistakenly included Greenwood’s name in its list of supporters.

Update my ass. It's almost as if Alex Pappas received an e-mail from some p.r. flack and reformatted it without doing any reporting. Watch out, Mickey Kaus, Pappas is after your job!

P.S. to Pappas: Artists Raising Cain isn't limited to country music artists. It also counts Nelson and Christian comedian Jim Labriola in its ranks.

Old Times There Are Not Forgotten

G.O.P. frontrunner Herb Cain and Neal Boortz indulge in some nostalgia:

In their radio interview, Boortz asked Cain to define what it could possibly mean to be an “authentic black” person. Cain responded that he didn’t know, before proceeding to trace his family tree back to his ancestors’ experience as slaves in Georgia (which prompted Boortz to ask whether he had any relatives who may have been slaves on the South Carolina plantation owned by members of his family).

Being owned by Neal Boortz' inbred cracker anscestors is the certificate of authenticity.

The Book On Mormons

Poor Mitt Romney. He's only now learning that Republicans have no more use for Xenu than they do for Allah. You've got to learn your place, Mitt.

The blue screen of death comes to us all.

The Fatuous and The Spurious

Why isn't there more coverage of the FBI investigation into Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker aides? There's something for everyone -- the left can dig into the facts of the case and right can claim Walker's the victim of racial profiling by MusliPanther Eric Holder's FBI. Fun for the entire

Breaking! Must Credit Roger Ailes!

According to ABC's Jake Tapper, Sharia Palin just tweeted to Mark Leh-VIN, that she will not be seeking the G.O.P. nomination for President. Of course, communicating with hairless troll doll Mark Leh-VIN disqualifies anyone from holding any public office. Palin wrote that the office of the President was too confiney, restricty and wedgie for her ultimate aspiration, which is not to be the biggest laughingstock in recorded history.

Update: Full drivel here.

Update (3:35 p.m.): Apparently, Conservatives4Palin didn't get the inside scoop on Palin's latest failure. RedStain and Gwen Stacy McCain are also asleep at the switch.

Update (3:43 p.m.): Greta Van Sustern will now return full-time to her search for Natalie Holloway.

Update (3:56 p.m.): Sucker SarahPAC is still open for business, because grift never sleeps.

Will Chris Christie Throw His Fat Into the Ring?

All America is waiting with bated breath to see if Governor Krispykreme will join the parade of horribles hopefuls seeking the G.O.P. nomination. Does Krispy think his record of accomplishment -- begin an obnoxious loudmouth with a Type 2 personality -- qualifies him to be President? Of course he does. Will he run? Who knows.

Howie the Hack

Fresh off yet another fluffer of the other Roger Ailes, Howie Kurtz slanders Nancy Pelosi by printing fabricated quotes. Upon retraction, a Daily Beast mouthpiece lays the blame at Howie's clown shoes:

The article, Behind Obama's Populist Makeover, included a comment erroneously attributed to House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, criticizing the administration's political messaging. The writer misread notes of an interview conducted by a colleague. The error has been corrected, and we’ve apologized to Nancy Pelosi's office.

What are the odds of Howie misreading something that aligns with his hatred of Dems? Even money. What are the chances that Howie will suffer consequences for his incompetence? Slim and none. If Kurtz becomes any more of an embarassment, the Daily Caller will offer him a big signing bonus to do a double act with Mickey Kaus.

Education: It's Only A Game

Three-time Super Bowl loser Fran Tarkington has someone sign his name to an op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal wondering what would happen if the National Football League was run like public education.

Well, you'd probably have washed-up school teachers writing uninformed, and untruthful, articles for the Wall Street Journal about how the NFL works. The NFL would have at least one team for every 20,000 residents in the country, and every team would have to give the same coaching time and the same playing time to each player within the geographic area. Revenue wouldn't be shared among the teams, so that players from francishes within wealthy districts would have an immense competitive advantage over those from poor districts. With so many teams, the players would make far less, would play until they reached 67, and wouldn't be drug tested, except maybe in Florida. &c.

And if all these changes caused the NFL to disappear, it wouldn't make one bit of difference.

The purpose of public education is to give every child the benefits of an education, and the opportunities that go with such an education. Its purpose isn't to provide entertainment to drunk and promote the sale of boner pills and junk food. Not every teacher can become third-banana to John Davidson and Cathy Lee Crosby, but they can provide something of value to the nation.

Name That Pronoun

From Politicho:

It's between Christie and his wife

Roger's Headline News

Former comedian Dennis Miller endorsed Cain for president yesterday, but withdrew his support when he found out the pol's first name wasn't Co.

A Very Important Story

At 8:03 pm Lady Gaga entered... delicately walking on sky-high heels (she towered over everyone, a good 2 feet taller than POTUS). She was wearing a floor-length sleeveless lacey black dress, her blonde hair was gathered in a bouffant up-do adorned with a black hair piece with a black veil down the back, which she swept to the side and in front of her left shoulder. (The hair added about 6 inches to her stature). She took a seat at the middle table in the tent and stood up with the other guests when POTUS entered a few minutes later.

What the fuck? According to Google, Obama is 6'1" and Lady Gaga is 5'1". The pool report above suggests she was wearing heels from 2 and 1/2 to 3 feet tall, that is, heels almost half as tall (or more) as she is. And walking and standing in them. I doubt this is even possible, outside of Dick Morris' porn collection.

Roger's Poetry Corner

Bill Irvingsson tries luring Governor Krispycreme into the Presidential race by calling him the fat anti-Christ:

There's some truth to that. But I can't help wondering if, in the same poem, Yeats didn't suggest the remedy:

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Sounds like Chris Christie.

Interestingly, Bill's shortlist of Satanic Majesties also includes Mitch Daniels, Paul Ryan and "Jeb" Bush, but not his own creation, Sarah Palin. The wet dream is over.

Fuck You For Your Service

The Grand Old Party spits on our troops.

An audience at the Republican presidential debate in Orlando did not greet a gay soldier with open arms Thursday. In fact, they booed him.

The jeering came after Stephen Hill, a soldier stationed in Iraq, asked via video about the recent repeal of the 1993 law that banned gay military personnel from serving openly in the military.

Hill, in a gray "Army" T-shirt, told the candidates at the Fox News-Google debate that he had to "lie about who I was because I'm a gay soldier. I didn't want to lose my job."

"My question is, under one of your presidencies, do you intend to circumvent the progress that's been made for gay and lesbian soldiers in the military?" he asked.

After his video ended, loud boos were immediately heard from a number of people in the audience. The heckling elicited no reaction from the presidential hopefuls.

The crowd reaction is not surprising. And neither is the fact that "hopefuls" are all unfit to lead.

Slate has really gone downhill since they fired Mickey Kaus:

Correction, Sept. 16, 2011: This story originally misidentified the title of the Sir-Mix-a-Lot song that Sarah Palin sang along with. It is "Baby Got Back," not "I Like Big Butts."

On the other hand, since they hired Mickey Kaus, the Daily Caller can't go any farther downhill.

Men We Love

I suppose I have to update my blogroll for the first time in five years. I hope I can remember how.

(Feel free to suggest other links, if anyone is still blogging any more.)

Lurch: Teabaggers are Wicked Idiots

That's stupid and evil, for all those who couldn't understand the argument that Bush was both.

9/11 Got Me Laid

Meeegan McArdle spells 9/II with two Is:

I am one of, I think, a relative few--the perhaps tens of thousands who can plausibly claim that 9/11 utterly changed their life. Without 9/11, I would not have worked at the World Trade Center; I would not have started blogging; I would not now be a journalist. I would not have had the relationships I had, or live in the city I now call home. I would be in all visible ways a completely different person if those towers had not come down. But in the story of 9/11, I am not even a bit player. I'm maybe an extra.

All visible ways? Did 9/11 cause Meeegan to have a growth spurt?

It's mighty white of Meeegan to allow that the spouses, siblings and parents and children of those killed on September 11, 2001 might also have had their lives changed "utterly" by 9/11, even if they don't go around claiming it.

But when you get to Meeegan's level of involvement in the aftermath of 9/11 -- "work[ing] in a trailer across the street [from the former World Trade Center], doing everything from handing out security passes, to database design, to typing letters" two months after 9/11, according to her -- then there are surely hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people, who can claim their lives were changed by 9/11. Given the fact that 9/11 led to the U.S. invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan, there were tens of thousands of people whose lives were utterly ended because of 9/11, perhaps a bigger change than that which might be wrought by using your employer's computer to link to WorldNetDaily articles while sittng across the way from where others did the actual, life-changing work of recovery and demolition.

One wonders how Meeegan will commemorate the 10th anniversary of 11/23, when she promised to post on "fascinating topics such as how much weight everyone's gained since 9-11."

(Quotes from Live From The WTC blog; you could look it up.)

As I looked out of my hotel room at the Solyndra plant Friday evening, I thought to myself, "Surely they must have found that $9 billion that went missing in Iraq, and those who now possess it."

If it weren't for gun control, Rick Perry never would have gotten away with molesting Ron Paul.

Shorter Oly Olafson: Sarah Palin is great; it's her fans who suck.

Poor Erick Erickson. Apparently some Palinbaggers have dissed the other doughy pantload, and he's sick of being picked on. Don't they know he's the kingmaker? But he lacks the fortitude to admit Palin is a moron and that he is a moron for supporting her, so he's left with passive-agressive bashing of Palin's minions. Palin is a genius, but her fans are right arseholes.

He So Crazy

Matt Yglesias, Sept. 2011:

After all, sitting here in the United States where nobody would ever do something crazy like respond to 9/11 by invading Iraq it's extremely difficult to understand how the mass public might come to be in possession of bad information.

Matt Yglesias, August 2010, explaining his "thinking" in 2002:

The formal case for war that I found compelling was Kenneth Pollack's "The Threatening Storm: The Case for Invading Iraq."

So that's how!

Teabagging Is The Religion of Peace

Oregon's own Andreas Brevik speaks:

"You look like Obama. You are a Muslim like him," a court document quotes Crawford as telling an officer after he was arrested on Dec. 14 for a charge unrelated to the firebombing. "Jihad goes both ways. Christians can jihad too."

Authorities would be wise to check his computer's bookmarks for links to Atlas Shrugged and the usual warbloggers.

I'm Not A Plumber. I'm Nothing You've Heard.

The G.O.P. is not so much determined to repeat past mistakes as it is to multiply them exponentially. They're intent on repeating the Delaware Miracle by tapping television superstar "Joe" "The Plumber" "Wurzelbacher" to run for Congress:

Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, the Ohio resident who rose to prominence during the 2008 presidential cycle as "Joe the Plumber" and later served as a war correspondent, is now considering a run for Congress - and national Republicans appear to be on board.

Wurzelbacher would challenge longtime Democratic Rep. Marcy Kaptur, who represents Ohio's 9th congressional district, an area that includes Toledo. Jon Stainbrook, chairman of the Lucas County Republican Party, told the Toledo Blade that there exists a "high-level interest in the national Republican Party" in a Wurzelbacher candidacy, adding: "We are encouraging Joe to run."

Run, Joe, Run!

Asked about a possible run, he told the Blade: "I think it's a very interesting idea. That's as much as I can say."

We know, Joe.

I Know I Am, But What Am I?

Timmy Carney of the Washington Rectal is so eager to portray the Obama Administration as racist that he inadvertently admits the obvious: That Confederacy apologists and birthers are racist:

And this theme of baseless insinuations of racism is emanating from Team Obama and the White House. Obama's press secretary Jay Carney referred to unnamed opponents "who wanted to secede from the union." The words "secede from the union" clearly invoke the Southern states' effort to preserve slavery in 1861.

Politifact has rated Carney's statement as "False," pointing out that Perry once jokingly referred to a supposed right of Texas to secede. He's repeatedly denied actually believing this. That didn't stop Carney. Facts rarely interfere with the Left's effort to tar conservatives as racist.

Robert Gibbs, Carney's predecessor and now an Obama campaign adviser, on TV last Tuesday joked that "Any day now, Rick Perry will ask to see the president's birth certificate

I could find no record of Perry ever insinuating that Obama wasn't born in the United States. Gibbs was trying to lump Perry in with a racially tinged line of attack on Obama that suggested he was really born in Kenya. By calling Perry a borderline birther, Gibbs was essentially calling Perry a racist."

Poor dumb fuck doesn't realize that he's supposed to say that Confederacy-humping is about heritage and the heroism of ancestors, and that questions remain! about the birth certificate. He's not supposed to admit that secessionists (which Perry is, despite Politifucked's protestations)and Teabirthers are in fact racist.

Timmy's going get a brutal beating at the next CPAC for disclosing the wingnuts' true nature.

Rumble In The Bunghole

The wingnutosphere reminds one to paraphrase that old saw about faculty politics -- the fighting is so vicious because the brains are so small:

In a strange rationale for the e-mail leak, Erickson says Riehl tried to blackmail him after a Redstate blogger criticized fellow right-wing blogger Michele Malkin for her opposition to Texas Governor Rick Perry's position on HPV vaccines. Erickson claims that Riehl promised to "burn Erick's integrity to the ground" if Redstate didn't retract the post attacking Malkin. Erickson says he refused. "I certainly wasn’t going to apologize for something... let alone be more or less blackmailed into an editorial position."

On the one hand, you could burn Erick Erickson's integrity to the ground with lukewarm tap water. On the other, an apology from Erickson is like the vice-presidency -- not worth a bucket of warm spit, yet too good for Sarah Palin.

Michael Rubbin: Let's You and Him Fight

Not to be confused with the more masculine Jennifer Rubbin, Commentary Magazine's Michael Rubbin demands that President Obama capture the man convicted of bombing Pan Am Flight 103, to show Obama's sincere about his regret that the Brits released the man:

Subsequent information showed that British officials facilitated Megrahi’s release in hope of receiving favor for British oil companies. Well, Megrahi is still alive, in a wheelchair but well enough to have been shown on Libyan television attending a pro-Qaddafi rally just last month. If Obama was sincere in his regret, perhaps the time is right to seize Megrahi and finally win justice for the American victims of Lockerbie.

This argument is intended to tarnish Obama's glow after killing Bin Laden, with the wingnuts offered up an endless parade of targets for Obama to (fail to) rub out. But my point is this: Why can Rubbin do his own rubbin'? There's nothing stopping Rubbin from entering Libya as a journalist and whacking (or capturing) Megrahi. Despite the fact that the color of his teeth match his necktie, Rubbin looks like he's healthly enough to take a 60 year old man in a wheelchair two falls out of three. Why do these wingnuts expect government to do everything for them?

Another Reason We Adore Roy Edroso

Alicublog on Situational Cookie Ethics:

Maybe she's not the only one who's confused. I see Rush Limbaugh called Obama an Oreo. I remember when conservatives told us this was the worst thing you could say about a black guy. Considering it's one of their strong suits, isn't it amazing that they're actually fucking up at racism?

Update: Link fixed.

Coming this fall to the USA Network: Perry, Texas Traitor.

Starring Chuck Norris' toupee as Governor Rick Perry.

Catchphrase: "Dare to Secede."

Welcome to Fantasy Island

I mean this seriously: What could go wrong? I can't think of a single thing.

Pay Pal founder and early Facebook investor Peter Thiel has given $1.25 million to an initiative to create floating libertarian countries in international waters, according to a profile of the billionaire in Details magazine.

Thiel has been a big backer of the Seasteading Institute, which seeks to build sovereign nations on oil rig-like platforms to occupy waters beyond the reach of law-of-the-sea treaties. The idea is for these countries to start from scratch--free from the laws, regulations, and moral codes of any existing place. Details says the experiment would be "a kind of floating petri dish for implementing policies that libertarians, stymied by indifference at the voting booths, have been unable to advance: no welfare, looser building codes, no minimum wage, and few restrictions on weapons."

Looser building codes? Few restrictions on weapons?

Pussies!

Also, Too: If this dumbass thinks $1.25M will get anywhere near the construction of a liveable platform in international waters, he's dumber than most other libertarians. (He and his Randian Supermen pals can't even time-share Ashton Kutcher's set trailer with that pittance.) Either he believes there's a couple hundred thousand more libertarian tools with $1M bills burning holes in their elasticized slacks, or he's planning on being very old when the thing gets built.

Also: Gilligan's Gulch definitely will not allow investor lawsuits.

Smack Her Bitch Up

The very Presidential Sharia Plain isn't satisified with the quality of service she receives from her media lapdogs:

Anyway, the Palin team pounced. Specifically inviting over reporter Kasie Hunt from Politico so she could hear the exchange, Palin called [Daily Caller stooge Alex] Pappas' cell phone and began berating him in a very scolding manner for writing a headline suggesting she supports Romney. Pappas didn't even know what she was talking about. When he tried to say that neither he nor his editors had written such a headline, she said she didn't have time for this, that she needed to go back to the "real people" at the State Fair, and hung up on him.

How did the Politicho stenographer cover this infantile outburst? Like this:

And when the Daily Caller wrote a story suggesting that she'd said she favored Romney, the Palin entourage was visibly angry. Todd Palin pulled the story up on his BlackBerry, and handed it to his wife — "those dang reporters!" she exclaimed. A few moments later, a Palin aide put the Caller reporter, Alex Pappas, on the phone with the former governor.

"So what you're saying is that I said that I support Mitt Romney?” she asked Pappas. "You need to be clear, otherwise people really lose faith in the state of journalists today."

At Politicho, nothing succeeds like suckcess.

Mormonism Is A Religion of Peace

Wingnuts in a Virginia school district are banning "A Study in Scarlet" from a sixth grade reading list for its anti-Mormon heresies. A Los Angeles Times article on the ban states:

You don't have to be a world-class detective to see that the book casts Mormons in a bad light, suggesting it's a religion whose adherents are willing to commit murder to protect their ideals.

Which makes it exactly like almost every other religion.

It would have been nice for the Times to point out that Doyle's depiction of Mormons was based on an historical event which involved Mormons murdering people. This is like banning a book for saying the Mormons were polygamists.

Meanwhile, the Ablemarle County School District replaced "A Study in Scarlet" with "The Adventure of the Three Gables" on the approved reading list. The District also banned "No Apologies: The Case for American Greatness" from its reading lists for casting Mormons as pathological liars who are willing to say anything to become President.

We Have A Winner

George Fwill, May 2011:

I think we know with reasonable certainty that standing up there on the west front of the Capitol on Jan. 20, 2013 will be one of three people: Obama, [Tim] Pawlenty and [Mitch] Daniels. I think that’s it.

How Many Corn Dogs Can Michele Bachmann Chomp?

You've probably seen the unfortunate photo of Michele Bachmann with a corn dog in her mouth (Warning: NSFYGR), but there's also this:

Driving away on a golf cart with her husband Marcus beside her, Mrs Bachmann stopped to buy a foot-long corn dog -- a chicken and beef sausage in deep-fried batter. After applying mustard and allowing Mr Bachmann to take the first bite, she chomped into it with gusto.

In the photo, Bachmann's corndog isn't pre-bitten by Marcus and it doesn't have mustard on it. So she must have downed at least two feet of corndog (give or take Marcus' chomp) in very little time. And Tim Pawlenty says Bachmann hasn't accomplished anything.

Cruller? I Don't Even Know Her!

ROCKAWAY TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) — Police say there was more on the menu than Munchkins and lattes during the late shift at a Dunkin' Donuts in northern New Jersey.

A 29-year-old female is facing prostitution charges after police say she took breaks to provide sex in exchange for money.

...

Detective Sgt. Kyle Schwarzmann told The Daily Record of Parsippany he noticed that 29-year-old [name redacted] of Mine Hill would go out to cars and would spend 10 to 15 minutes in the vehicles.

Schwarzmann says Redmond was arrested after soliciting sex from an undercover officer.

No one at the Dunkin' Donuts wanted to comment.

...as they were contemplating how many times they had ordered the glazed.

Springtime for Hitler and Tampa Bay

[Glenn] Beck, a multimillionaire darling of the Tea Party movement, said on his nationally-syndicated radio show: "There was a shooting at a political camp, which sounds a little like, you know, the Hitler youth. I mean, who does a camp for kids that's all about politics? Disturbing."

Who? By Glenn Beck followers, that's who!

TAMPA — Here's another option now that the kids are out of school: a weeklong seminar about our nation's founding principles, courtesy of the Tampa 912 Project.

The organization, which falls under the tea party umbrella, hopes to introduce kids ages 8 to 12 to principles that include "America is good," "I believe in God," and "I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable."

Organized by conservative writer Jeff Lukens and staffed by volunteers from the 912 Project, Tampa Liberty School will meet every morning July 11-15 in borrowed space at the Paideia Christian school in Temple Terrace.

"We want to impart to our children what our nation is about, and what they may or may not be told," Lukens said.

The 912 Project is, of course ...

Eh, I see this was already covered on Daily Kos. I'm getting slow.

Shorter Boris Johnson: Ignore that lengthy history of right-wing bigotry; 'twas beauty killed 92 Norwegians.

Longer Boris Johnson:

Yesterday the television reporters found an acquaintance of his from Norway, a fellow called Ulav Andersson, who said that he had known Breivik pretty well. He was surprised by all the Knights of Templar stuff, because he had never really been religious, and he wasn't aware that he had been interested in politics.

"He didn't seem opinionated at all," he said. He just became chippy and irritable, said Ulav Andersson, when some girl he had a crush on jilted him in favour of a man of Pakistani origin.

It wasn't about immigration, or Eurabia, or the hadith, or the Eurocrats' plot against the people. It wasn't really about ideology or religion. It was all about him, and his feeling of inadequacy in relation to the female sex.

Well, if some guy who said he knew Breivik pretty well said so, who are we to argue? But this theory doesn't explain how Boris covered up all his rejection-based killing sprees.

Blaming the Victims and Claiming Victimization

Typically, the men Anders Breivik most admired are claiming to be his victims, although, remarkably, they are still alive. And some, like fan fave Bruce Bawer, are blaming Breivik's crimes on the evils of toleration:

It came as stunning news that Norway had been attacked by a blond, blue-eyed, anti-Islamic terrorist. It should not have been: Several of us who have written about the rise of Islam in Europe have warned that the failure of mainstream political leaders to responsibly address the attendant challenges would result in the emergence of extremists like Breivik.

If only mainstream politicians had been more bigoted, the private sector wouldn't have had to take action. Another failure of big government!

Then there's the no true wingnut defense:

In the second half [Breivik] describes himself as having revived the Knights Templar. He also outlines in extreme detail how he and his fellow anti-jihadists can acquire weapons, ammunition and body armor and thereupon proceed to use "terror as a method for waking up the masses" to the danger posed by Islam. This makes it clear he is completely insane.

In the same way that every terrorist is completely insane, a point apparently lost on our friend Bruce.

Finally, Bawer engages in some conditional weeping:

During the hours when I thought that Oslo had been attacked by jihadists, I wept for the city that has been my home for many years. And I hoped Norwegian leaders would respond to this act of violence by taking a more responsible approach to the problems they face in connection with Islam. When it emerged that these acts of terror were the work of a native Norwegian who thought he was striking a blow against jihadism and its enablers, it was immediately clear to me that his violence will deal a heavy blow to an urgent cause.

No weeping for the victims of Breivik, just for the lost opportunity to do something "responsible" -- what that is is not explained -- about those nasty Norwegian Mohammedens, who now also stand guilty of not killing 92 of their fellow citizens.

Update: More on the Real Victimwives of New Media from Roy Edroso, who said it better and earlier.

Rightbloggers Dream, Norweigan Would

Anders Behring Breivik (not Breitbart) was a big fan of Robert Spencer, Atlas Shrugged and the Gates of Vienna. Is anyone surprised?

Breivik not only read warbloggers, he was one:

With the 1,500-page manifesto, which he said took three years to complete, Mr. Breivik endeavored to find common cause with xenophobic right-wing groups around the world, particularly in the United States. He quoted extensively from the anti-Islam writings of American bloggers, and cut and pasted a whole section of the manifesto written by Theodore J. Kaczynski, known as the Unabomber, into his own, replacing "leftism" with "multiculturalism" as the object of aspersion.

...

When not surfing conservative blogs, Mr. Breivik was fighting virtual demons, ogres and other fantastical creatures in online role-playing games. He was a regular in talk forums for players of "World of Warcraft," using a busty female as his avatar and the handle Conservatism.

Sounds vaguely familiar.

Behring False Witness

Right-wing bigots are predictably pretending that everything Anders Behring Breivik (not Breitbart) ever said and did and thought -- especially praising their websites -- is utterly meaningless. The guy was a loon, and nothing he ever did can ever be attributed to, or associated in any way with, the groups he identified with!

This, of course, represents intellectual dishonesty unseen since the majority published its opinion in Bush v. Gore.

Bonus Unrelated Question: Was there ever a non-state-affiliated mass murderer who had so many headshots of himself?

Congratulations to Kathryn J. Lopez and Maggie Gallagher on their nuptials!

Those in attendance say it was like the wedding at Cana, except with Ring-Dings instead of wine.

Let The Profiling Begin

As wingnut bloggers explicably lose interest in the Norway terrorism story, its time to take them seriously and implement the racial and religious profiling they demand in the name of Homeland Security.

OSLO — The Norwegian police on Saturday charged a man they identified as a right-wing fundamentalist Christian in connection with the bombing of a government building in central Oslo and a shooting attack on a nearby island that together killed at least 92 people.

As stunned Norwegians grappled with the deadliest attack in the country since World War II and a shocking case of homegrown terrorism, a portrait began to emerge of the suspect, Anders Behring Breivik, 32. He was described as a religious, gun-loving Norwegian obsessed with what he saw as the threat of multiculturalism and Muslim immigration to the cultural and patriotic values of his country.

"We are not sure whether he was alone or had help," a police official, Roger Andresen, said at a televised news conference. "What we know is that he is right wing and a Christian fundamentalist."

Airport screening based on race and religion. Prohibiting places of worship. Slander. Wiretapping. Waterboarding. Every last fucking bit of it.

And Wan Julliams will have to piss himself everytime he appears on FOX News.

Update: The article linked suggests that Breivik (not Breitbart) authored a number of internet postings, but apparently was not yet a #TCOT. One wonders if his Favorites list included any prominent Muslim-hating blogs.

Idiot America

Genius creates shitty software, and learns of his mistake. So what does he do?

Concerned that the analysis using CacheBack could be wrong and that a woman’s life might be at stake, Mr. Bradley went back to the drawing board and redesigned a portion of his software to get a more accurate picture.

He found both reports were inaccurate (although NetAnalysis came up with the correct result), in part because it appears both types of software had failed to fully decode the entire file, due to its complexity. His more thorough analysis showed that the Web site sci-spot.com was visited only once — not 84 times.

Mr. Bradley, fearing that jurors were being given false information based on his data, contacted the police and the prosecution the weekend of June 25. He asked Sergeant Stenger about the discrepancy, and the sergeant said he was aware of it, Mr. Bradley said. He waited to see if prosecutors would correct the record. They did not.

“They needed to get that right,” Mr. Bradley said.

If Mr. Bradley was so concerned a woman's life was at stake, why didn't HE CONTACT THE WOMAN'S ATTORNEY ABOUT HIS MISTAKE? And why didn't the New York Times ASK HIM WHY HE DIDN'T?

Murdoch Bin Laden

... with incriminating evidence:

Detectives are examining a computer, paperwork and a phone found in a bin near the riverside London home of Rebekah Brooks, the former chief executive of News International.

...

The car park, under a shopping centre, is yards from the gated apartment block where Brooks lives with her husband, a former racehorse trainer and close friend of the prime minister David Cameron.

It is understood the bag was handed into security at around 3pm and that shortly afterwards, Brooks's husband, Charlie, arrived and tried to reclaim it. He was unable to prove the bag was his and the security guard refused to release it.

Instead, it is understood that the security guard called the police. In less than half an hour, two marked police cars and an unmarked forensics car are said to have arrived at the scene.

Police are now examining CCTV footage taken in the car park to uncover who dropped the bag. Initial suspicions that there had been a break in at the Brooks' flat have been dismissed.

David Wilson, Charlie Brooks's official spokesman, told the Guardian that Charlie Brooks denies that the bag belonged to his wife. "Charlie has a bag which contains a laptop and papers which were private to him," said Wilson.

"They were nothing to do with Rebekah or the [phone-hacking] case."

Wilson said Charlie Brooks had left the bag with a friend who was returning it, but dropped it in the wrong part of the garage. When asked how the bag ended up in a bin he replied: "The suggestion is that a cleaner thought it was rubbish and put it in the bin." Wilson added: "Charlie was looking for it together with a couple of the building staff.

Who doesn't loan a laptop computer to a friend with instructions to return it by leaving it lying around in a parking garage, where it might be mistaken for junk and thrown into a dustbin? Something very interesting should turn up on the hard drive, and it won't be photos of Gary Glitter.

FOX News: Latter Day Aint's Burn in Hell

Finally, a Fox News host who loves Jesus more than those unbelieving CLINOs who control the G.O.P.:

A Fox News host said Sunday that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is "obviously not ... a Christian," a view that, if widely held, may have repercussions for the Mormon candidate’s election odds.

During a conversation about the Republican presidential field if Texas Gov. Rick Perry were to get into the race, "Fox & Friends" host Ainsley Earhardt speculated that Perry would have a much better chance of raising funds and rallying the social conservative base since Perry is Christian and rather open about his faith. During an exchange with co-host Dave Briggs, Earhardt said:

“Well the Christian coalition … I think [Rick Perry] can get a lot of money from that base because [of] Romney obviously not being a Christian … Rick Perry, he's always on talk shows, on Christian talk shows, he has days of prayer in Texas," she said.

As Jesus Christ said, "You cannot serve God and Mormon." Once the Republicans purge themselves of cultists like Mittens and anti-Christ Papists such as Gingrich and Santorum (and the soft-on-papacy Bachmann) true men of God like Rick Perry will lead God's Own Party to victory in 2012.

Drop Your Investigation, or Judy Miller Gets It

The editorial page cowards at the Hack Street Journal offer an empty threat:

The last time the liberal press demanded a media prosecutor, it was to probe the late conservative columnist Robert Novak in pursuit of White House aide Scooter Libby. But the effort soon engulfed a reporter for the New York Times, which had led the posse to hang Novak and his sources. Do our media brethren really want to invite Congress and prosecutors to regulate how journalists gather the news?

That "reporter" for the New York Times is, of course, FOX News/World Nut Daily contributor Judy Fucking-Miller. The late Novak, if I recall correctly, burned his own sources like a pyromanic granted immunity from all arson-related crimes. And the prosecution of I. Scooter Libby had nothing to do with how journalists gather the news, and everything to do with how co-conspirators threaten political opponents through criminal conduct. If Wall Street Journal reporters and their employer haven't violated laws against wiretapping and bribery, and Hell doesn't exist, then they have nothing to fear.

The New Koch

So risky John Galt would shit himself:

Just on the face of it, it would seem to have been the biggest risk in marketing history to roll out a documentary about a politician with less than stellar poll numbers on the same night that the last Harry Potter movie was scheduled to be released.

But, by all accounts, "The Undefeated," the Sarah Palin biop [sic], which was placed in limited release in ten screens across the country, did surprisingly well.

According to the Fort Worth Star Telegram, the theater in Grapevine, Texas, a suburb near the Dallas/Fort Worth area, at least one Friday evening showing actually sold out.

Gateway Pundit reports similar sellout or near sell out crowds seeing "The Undefeated" in Georgia, Orange Country, California, Houston, Orlando, and other markets.

"The Undefeated" was heavily marketed in social media, with regular updates on Twitter and Facebook. The below the radar strategy seems to have paid....

Yes, all accounts of the box office success of The Undefeated consists of one article in a Texan newspaper and the ravings of an aged, subliterate Palin fanboy who linked to tweets from "GeorgiaO4P" and "OnePurpleKrayon." Those are the only accounts. There are no other accounts. Don't even try to find another account. No, seriously. Don't.

Would a guy who recaps Futurama episodes on the internet lie to you?

Due to honesty limitations, the real News Int'l. Corp's first two advertisements had to be edited.  They initially read:

We Are Sorry We Got Caught

and

We Are Sorry Ass Motherfuckers

Less Hintin', More Prison!

Beltway Hero

The U.K. leader of Slap-Headed Toffs for Incest would be right at home in Soggy Bottom:

Foreign Minister William Hague defended those ties on Saturday, telling the BBC that inviting Mr. Coulson to Chequers was "a normal, human thing to do” and that it was "not surprising that in a democratic country there is some contact" between political leaders and media officials. "Personally I'm not embarrassed by it in any way," he said.

It would be surprising if we find something that William Hague is embarassed by.

Dear Republican Party,

Please do whatever Erick Erickson tells you to do. The man's a genius.

Your pal,

Roger

The White Woman's Burden

You, too, can join this citizen journalist on the WorldNutDaily cruise to Alaska:

I was getting very angry and not at the rangers but at Jan, my video cameraperson who was still fiddling with the video camera. I was furious at myself for not bringing an extra Flip camera or at least learning to work her camera. I wanted to yank it out of her hands.

Citizen Journalism is hard work. It is a necessity now that the media is propaganda. You and me are the journalists. We have cameras, eyes, and ears. We will record the truth because NBC, CBS, ABC, and especially CNN, HLN and MSNBC are not telling the truth. Every stranger I interviewed agreed to that. (montage to come)

...

As Jan and I briskly walked away, knowing our tour group was mad at us for lagging behind, again, I desperately inquired, “You got it, I hope. Did you get it? Oh my goodness, I hope you got that…” Jan said, “I couldn’t hear it.”

“What?!” My face twisted into rage. I took the camera out of her hands and stuttered, “Hhh…hhow do you rewind?”

Teabag Tall Tales

If this report is true, Ken Gladney perjured himself:

During his closing argument, D'Agrosa questioned whether Gladney was wearing a neck brace to the trial for sympathy, saying it reminded him of a "Brady Bunch" episode.

Gladney had testified that he underwent recent neck surgery not related to the August 2009 fight. Later, outside the court, Gladney told a reporter he belived his neck problems were the result of "blunt trauma" he suffered in the fight.

Or maybe he just hallucinated, like a wingnut watching a YouTube video.

Justice for Kenny

Remember when union thugs savagely beat Tea Party flag-monger Kenneth Gladney? No? That's because it didn't happen. If the wingnutosphere is full of shit, you must acquit:

Gladney, 40, of St. Ann, declined to comment after the verdict and directed questions to his twin brother, Keith.

"It's atrocious. It’s obvious," Keith Gladney said. "The legal system here has come to the point where you can beat somebody up and still get off."

McCowan and Molens, each at the meeting for the Service Employees International Union, claim Gladney was selling anti-Obama buttons, and that when they confronted him about them, Gladney started the physical attack by slapping McCowan's hands.

Molens testified that Gladney slapped McCowan's hands a second time, and that McCowan pushed him.

"Gladney started punching him in the face," Molens said. "I tried pulling him off."

The attack escalated with more punches and shoves, and McCowan suffered a fractured shoulder, he testified.

McCowan, a Baptist minister, got chuckles in the courtroom when he testified that he didn't turn the other cheek because it "hadn't gotten hit yet."

Following the verdict, St. Louis residents should exercise caution if they are approached by a man dressed like Nancy Grace, screeching "Justice for Kenny." If you see Mr. Hoft, do not approach him. Call the police.

Update: How do FOX News and Big Babyhood cover the story? Dishonestly:

In the above excerpt [sic, see footnote 1], the Post-Dispatch did not bother seeking quotes from Gladney or other witnesses, only Perry, Molens, and the defense attorney, a pricey private attorney I'm told is the best in the city.

Of course, in the article linked to by Big Babywood (which I link to above), the St.L. P-D does quote Gladney's whiny twin brother and sought comment from Gladney. FOX and Bigbabyhood can't even tell the truth about the coverage of the story.
1 In the excerpt which Big Babywood excerpts, the newspaper doesn't quote anyone.  In the article, the paper quotes Gladney's brother and cites Gladney's refusal to comment. Thus, to be fair, BB is both illiterate and dishonest.

The Liberalization of MSNBC Is Complete

Turned on the telly this early a.m. and saw that Morning Joe had been replaced by Morning Ezra. It was like a C-SPAN2 production of The Graduate.

The Phone, The TV and The News of the World

Looks like some of Rupert's executives will soon be back on the chain gang.

And Make Sure That You've Got Millions to Pay Roy Black When You Do

Sound legal advice from a doctor-shopping, maid co-conspiring hillbilly heroin addict who got away with it, if you consider permanent hearing loss and payment millions in legal fees and reconstructive surgery costs getting away with it:

I love the bumper sticker Rush suggested at the top of the show today: "If you can't do the time, do the crime in Florida!”

Snort!

Profiles In Courage

"The concern is harassment, property damage, a chilling effect. If I know I have to disclose my name, I'm not going to get involved with the Minnesota Family Council," [Tom] Prichard [President of the Minnesota Family Council] told the board.

Shorter Howard Kurtz: "My employer is a national embarassment. No, the other one."

Cyberbullying

Karla Faye Tucker's Daily Choler is the place where wingnut memes go to die. Take this "article" from timorous Heritage hack Rob Bluey entitled "White House Users Twitter to Bully Critics." Bluey includes this virtual swirly as the only example of cyber-bullying:

Eder posted this tweet: “Hmm…it can’t be true that @SenateDems haven’t passed a budget in 790 days and the only plan Obama has is a speech. Right, @jesseclee44?”

To which Lee responded: “@keder @SenateDems Plan is keep negotiating w/ Rs & Ds, not default & trash economy, not voucherize Medicare to fund more tax cuts for rich.”

Brutal. Growing up, there was nothing more I feared than a bully who would respond to my unsolicited inquiry by answering it civilly. Whenever it happened, I shrieked like Bluey giving himself a wedgie while looking a photo of Shirley Sherrod. I'm still traumatized.

Bluey also refers to three incidents of alleged White House bullying, none of which involved Twitter -- or bullying. One wonders if Bluey was homeschooled and regularly kicked in the head by his classmates.

You Don't Want Me As Your Lawyer

At the New York Times website, "Doug" of N.Y.C., N.Y., comments:

What is stunning, at least to me as an attorney, is that a number of charges were brought under the indictment.

Perhaps first degree murder or abuse were not proven, but the elements of manslaughter seem to have been met.

I am taken aback that the prosecution did not request JNOV (judgment notwithstanding of verdict) on the manslaughter charge, perhaps its not possible under florida law.

No, Doug, it's not possible under Florida law.

Does Nancy Grace know any good libel lawyers?

(Certainly not any of the clowns who appear on her show.)

Death of A Libertarian

Take a tip from Libertarian Fonzie and all the little Fonzies at Reason, guys. If you want to be a poser, just wear a black leather jacket, whine about Michelle Obama's vegetable Nazis and collect wingnut welfare. Life's too short to believe in fairy tales.

A New York man died Sunday while participating in a ride with 550 other motorcyclists to protest the state's mandatory helmet law.

Police said Philip A. Contos, 55, hit his brakes and his motorcycle fishtailed. Contos was sent over the handlebars of his 1983 Harley Davidson and hit his head on the pavement.

He was pronounced dead at the hospital.

"The medical expert we discussed the case with who pronounced him deceased stated that he would've no doubt survived the accident had he been wearing a helmet," state Trooper Jack Keller told ABC News 9 in Syracuse.

Condolences to Mr. Contos' family and friends.

The Faceman Weepeth

You'll want to avoid inviting Dirk Benedict to your Independence Day picnic:

"On July 4, I weep for the country we once were; pray for it to be again."

The rest of the year, he has the same reaction about his career.

(From the NRO website feature, "The Fourth of July, What It Means to Me.)

Die, Tot Mom, Die

While the Fox News Channel is consistently loathsome, it has been surpassed in loathsomeness by CNN Headline News. America now has a cable television network dedicated to villifying -- dehumanizing -- a single human being. Even the Christian channels don't spend as much time bashing Satan.

The murder of a child is a terrible crime, which is why we have courts, and prisons. But justice and demented bloodlust are not the same things. And HLN has never concerned itself with "Justice for Caylee," as it chyrons and wig-wearing freak-hosts proclaim. Only with "Hating for Ratings."

Instacracker's Fourth

Shorter legacy admission and hire:

Demonstrate your independence by following my idiotic suggestion to e-mail a photo of your weiner to Mayor Bloomberg.

Better yet, e-mail a photo of John Hinderaker eating a hot dog to greynold@utk.edu and ask the Huckleberry Hound Professor of Law why there is a need for state law schools when legal education can be provided by private institutions.

Q.: How is Dominique Strauss Kahn's arrest like the United States' invasion of Iraq?

A.: They're both mentioned in a Maureen Dowd column in which Dowd trots out her usual tired schtick of equating two entirely dissimilar things in order to demonstrate her igornance of both.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Menace to Sobriety Edition

Ohio continues its long tradition of exporting its drunks to Indiana. I know some Buckeyes will blame this matter on the poor quality of Ohioan strippers, but the Party of Personal Responsibility never would:

CINCINNATI -- The Dearborn County Prosecutor's Office released video Friday from the arrest of Ohio State Rep. Robert Mecklenborg.

The video begins with Mecklenborg being pulled over by an Indiana state trooper just before midnight on April 22 on U.S. 50 in Lawrenceburg for a broken headlight.

...

The trooper then asked the woman to step out of the car and began to question her. He asked how she knew Mecklenborg.

"We've been friends for a while," the woman replied.

The woman in the vehicle reportedly works at a strip club in Lawrenceburg.

Mecklenborg is married with three children.

A judge ordered a blood test on Mecklenborg, which showed his blood-alcohol content level at .097, which is above the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle. The toxicology report showed Mecklenborg also tested positive for Viagra.

Well, it's not like Mecklenborg is a current prosecutor who sits on the State Senate's Judiciary and Ethics Committee.

(The arrest video is at the first link. For those who have witnessed passive-agressive whining, there's no need to watch the arrest video.)

In a shockingly uncharacteristic manner, the Ohio G.O.P. circles the wagons for Mecklenborg to fall off of. Because it's not like he killed anyone from Ohio, or twittered his dick:

Alex Triantafilou, chairman of the Hamilton County Republican Party, said Thursday that party leaders are "assessing" the matter.

"It's a tough situation," Triantafilou said. "Our thoughts and prayers are with Bob and his family."

Ohio House Speaker William G. Batchelder, R-Medina, said in a statement late Thursday that he was "shocked and disappointed to learn of the difficult situation that Rep. Mecklenborg and his family are facing."

"We are working with Rep. Mecklenborg to find a solution that is in the best interests of the representative, his family and all concerned," Batchelder said.

It's hard out there for a diminutive Republican drunk. Since the arrest happened in April, the G.O.P. has had two months to assess the matter, work out a solution and pray. But the arrest became public, so their prayers weren't answered.

And what does Governor Kasich have to say?

Gov. John Kasich has not called for Rep. Mecklenborg's resignation.

"Not from me," Kasich said. "This is tough for him. It's something I've thought about but I'd like to keep those thoughts to myself. We have to stop pounding people when they make mistakes."

Plus, the cop was a moron.

But no one feels more sympathy for Representative Mecklenborg than the true victim in all this:

The Enquirer learned of the arrest Wednesday, nearly nine weeks after it occurred. Asked whether he had any idea how and why it finally had surfaced, Mecklenborg said: "When you're in public office, you've got a bull's-eye on your back."

Dick for Me, But Not For Thee

Apparently only thought leaders are allowed to hear the word "dick."

Thursday morning, Halperin appeared to be encouraged to some degree to be off-color by the hosts of “Morning Joe,” Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski.

“Are we on the seven-second delay today?” Halperin asked. “I wanted to characterize how I thought the president behaved.”

“We have it we can use it,” Brzezinski said. “Go for it.”

“Take a chance,” Scarborough said.

“I thought he was kind of a ... yesterday,” Halperin said.

“Delay that. Delay that. What are you doing?” Scarborough said. “I can’t believe you! I was joking. Don’t do that! Did we delay that?”

Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski practically begged Mark Halperin to whisper sweet dicks into their ears, but didn't want the great unwashed (those without media-industrial complex connections and advanced degrees in conventional ignorance) to hear dick. If Moron Joe encouraged the dickish behavior, as his employer admits in the article above, why isn't he being dicked around by his employer? (Rhetorical question.)

Don't worry, Republicans. Halperin will be back in the circle jerk soon enough. It's not like he said "blow job," even though it's in his job description.

Dick Rules Mark Halperin's World

A Lie Becomes The Truth

At the Corner, Andrew McCarthy (star of the 1987 movie I.Q. Less Than Zero) writes that Michele Bachmann:

said that a number of America’s founders had opposed slavery and worked to end it.

He then claims the Bachmann was right when she said that, and critics of Bachmann(specifically, Geo. Stephanopolous) are wrong.

What Bachmann actually said was:

we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.

Not "some" founders, but "the very founders" who wrote the founding documents. And those founders lived to see the abolition of slavery!

So Andy lies about what Bachmann said to prove Bachmann was "right." He has to, because he can't defend what Bachmann acually said. If he wasn't a dishonest hack, he'd admit he was wrong and Bachmann is wrong.

This Calls For A Vitter's Rights Amendment

Wingnuts are soiling themselves imagining that this story involves TSA thuggery:

[A woman accompanying her 95 year-old mother, who was in the final stages of lukemia, on a flight to Michigan] said security personnel then came out and told her they would need for her mother to remove her Depends diaper because it was soiled and was impeding their search.

Weber wheeled her mother into a bathroom, removed her diaper and returned. Her mother did not have another clean diaper with her, Weber said.

Weber said she wished there were less invasive search methods for an elderly person who is unable to walk through security gates.

“I don’t understand why they have to put them through that kind of procedure,” she said.

Koshetz said the procedures are the same for everyone to ensure national security.

“TSA cannot exempt any group from screening because we know from intelligence that there are terrorists out there that would then exploit that vulnerability,” she said.

Weber filed a complaint through Northwest Florida Regional’s website. She said she received a response from a Homeland Security representative at the airport on Tuesday and spoke to that person on the phone Wednesday.

The representative told her that personnel had followed procedures during the search, Weber said.

“Then I thought, if you’re just following rules and regulations, then the rules and regulations need to be changed,” she said.

Weber said she plans to file additional complaints next week.

“I’m not one to make waves, but dadgummit, this is wrong. People need to know. Next time it could be you.”

Well, dagnabit, but the way this goldurn story is reported, I can't feign any rackinfrackin outrage.

The story isn't "federal agents ordered [woman's] elderly mother to remove her adult diaper," as one incontinent wingnut would have it. (No link to the nut.) The elderly woman had a soiled adult diaper, the TSA alerted the woman's mother to the problem, and the woman didn't have a spare diaper for her mother to use. Were TSA agents supposed to allow the woman to remain in her own waste? I'm not saying the daughter was negligent in not preparing for her mother's travel, because there may be more to the story. (I'm also not commenting on why the mother's family members would make their wheelchair bound, incontinent, dying 95-year-old relative fly to Michigan, rather than getting their own asses on a flight to Florida. Maybe they were older and sicker.)

But the story is not that the TSA agents searched the diaper, or ordered the mother to remove the diaper so they could search underneath the diaper. It's not to hard to imagine that the agents were simply discreetly advising the daughter of her mother's problem, which the daughter was unaware of.

The real stink here is coming from the racist wingnuts who, admittedly, have good cause to fear that someone will uncover their own hidden apparel. And its contents.

The One Thing About Peter Falk Not Mentioned By Mickey Kaus

He was a real Democrat.

Back In, Black

From The New York Times:

After nearly a year of fighting to remain free, Conrad M. Black is going back to prison.

Mr. Black, the onetime newspaper baron, received a new jail sentence on Friday from a federal judge in Chicago for his remaining convictions on charges that he defrauded his investors. Judge Amy St. Eve imposed a three-and-a-half-year sentence on Mr. Black, although prosecutors say he will get credit for the more than two years that he has already served in federal prison.

The resentencing of Mr. Black stems from a federal appeals court decision in October that upheld two of Mr. Black’s 2007 convictions, for mail fraud and obstruction of justice, even though it reversed two other convictions for fraud. Mr. Black had been out on bail since last summer pending the appeal.

Mr. Black’s wife, Barbara Amiel Black, appeared to faint in the courtroom after the prison sentence was announced on Friday, according to news reports.

Note to journalists: The last sentence is the essence of good journalism.