On The Internet, Everyone Knows You're Stupider Than A Dog

Tom Tom Christopher, self-proclaimed ethicist and defender of "underage girls," has a little trouble distinguishing between fantasy and delusion:

Then, in what seems to be an elaborate ruse, the Twitter user claiming to be Nikki Reid and then a woman claiming to be her mother contacted Tommy Christopher, a correspondent for Mediaite, the media blog. After first communicating online, Mr. Christopher said, the woman dismissed claims of incriminating evidence against Mr. Weiner and accused members of the #bornfreecrew of harassing her daughter and her daughter’s friend. The woman also made a statement, which offered a forceful defense of Mr. Weiner.

She repeated this by phone to Mr. Christopher, who insisted the woman provide documentation confirming her identity. The woman faxed over a copy of a California driver’s license with her name, Patricia Reid, at a Los Angeles address, as well as school identification for the girls. But it turns out that the driver’s license and the school identification were fake, according to California state officials and school district officials.

What a jughead!

Tom Tom needs to spend less time protecting imaginary teens and more time in remedial journalism class. Yes, this is kind of quality journalism that Dan Abrams puts out.

Update: Tom Tom's defense: "'Without concrete proof, though,' Christopher says, 'we had to proceed under the assumption that these people were who they said they were, and that compromising their identities represented a significant risk of harm.'"

We had to protect the fake identities of nonexistent people we identified in the first place, even though there was no reason for our fake story, even if it was true. Fucking funniest thing I've read this year.

Some Kind of Bun

How can anyone boycott the Huffingglue Post when it generates original reporting of this caliber?

Joe Scarborough let loose on Newt Gingrich during Friday's "Morning Joe."

Scarborough was eating a bun of some kind when Mika Brzezinski played a clip of Gingrich saying in a speech that President Obama favored "the opposite of freedom." This was too much for him, and, with food still in his mouth, he went on a sarcastic rant about Gingrich.

"It's not the opposite of freedom," he said. "If you're scoring at home, kids, Barack Obama and his sort of mushy progressive but moderate, extending the Bush tax cuts and tripling the number of troops in Afghanistan, that is not left-wing Marxism or socialism. That is not the opposite of freedom. The opposite of freedom would be, oh, I don't know, Gaddafi."

Brzezinski let out a shriek of laughter.

Now, some may criticize the Huffingglue Post for failing to nail down exactly what kind of bun Scarborough was eating. But the point is the Post took the time and effort to watch a television program and then craft a dramatic narrative that accurately describes the television personality's thoughts and actions.

The website also calls Scarborough's comments an "epic rant," but I suspect that's just puffery to get Arianna a more favorable time slot than Tina Brown.

Loving v. Haters

The National Review finally dumps that loathsome old bigot, Bill Buckley, on the trash heap of history. From The Corner:

Segregation was a profound social evil. Full stop. Marriage as an exclusive heterosexual union is a necessary social good. It is why all cultures since earliest days, regardless of religion, law, or culture, have marriage as only between men and women.


Loving v. Virginia struck down a legal regime, peculiar to certain parts of the nation, that was wholly racist at its core. As the court observed, the Virginia law was about “the absolute prohibition of a ‘white person’ marrying other than another ‘white person’.” It was about nothing more than the racial purity of whites and all the ugliness that implies.

But Bill Buckley thought segregation was a profound social good. Full stop:

The central question that emerges . . . is whether the White community in the South is entitled to take such measures as are necessary to prevail, politically and culturally, in areas in which it does not prevail numerically? The sobering answer is Yes – the White community is so entitled because, for the time being, it is the advanced race. It is not easy, and it is unpleasant, to adduce statistics evidencing the cultural superiority of White over Negro: but it is a fact that obtrudes, one that cannot be hidden by ever-so-busy egalitarians and anthropologists.

[...]

National Review believes that the South's premises are correct. It is more important for the community, anywhere in the world, to affirm and live by civilized standards, than to bow to the demands of the numerical majority. Sometimes it becomes impossible to assert the will of a minority, in which case it must give way, and the society will regress; sometimes the numerical minority cannot prevail except by violence: then it must determine whether the prevalence of its will is worth the terrible price of violence.

In 50 years, National Review may acknowledge that Glenn Stanton's bigotry is the same as Bill Buckley's. I suspect a condemnation of Glenn Stanton's criticism of Buckley is more likely.

Frivolous Motion Denied

The least meritorious argument ever crafted by a lawyer not representing Conrad Black has been rejected by the Chief Judge of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California:

"It is not reasonable to presume that a judge is incapable of making an impartial decision about the constitutionality of a law, solely because, as a citizen, the judge could be affected by the proceedings," Ware wrote in his ruling.

The chief judge said all Californians share an interest in having the the Constitution enforced. The "single interest" Walker shared with the same-sex couples who challenged Proposition 8 "gave him no greater interest in a proper decision on the merits that would exist for any other judge or citizen," Ware wrote.

Of course, the losers plan to appeal, citing the devastating destruction of marriage already caused by the ruling.

I wouldn't be surprised if Rick Santorum leaves his wife for a Doberman by week's end.

There's no joke so unfunny that National Review online can't mistell it:

He mixed policy talk with light chatter. Talking to one of the diner employees, Romney warned her that he was about to make a "terrible joke." Noting that the diner served eggs benedict with hollandaise sauce, he suggested that they start serving the dish in "hubcaps because there's no place like chrome for the holidays."

Even though I missed the Republican debate, I can tell you who won.

Would It Kill You To Ask For Directions?

The term "mastermind" is not used literally here:

NAIROBI, Kenya — Fazul Abdullah Mohammed, Al Qaeda's leader in East Africa and the mastermind of the American Embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania, was killed in a late-night shootout at a security checkpoint in Mogadishu, Somalia's capital, Somali and American officials said Saturday.

...

"Fazul’s death is a significant blow to Al Qaeda, its extremist allies and its operations in East Africa," Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said. "It is a just end for a terrorist who brought so much death and pain to so many innocents in Nairobi and Dar es Salaam and elsewhere — Tanzanians, Kenyans, Somalis and our own embassy personnel."

Mr. Mohammed, who was one of the most wanted men in Africa and had a $5 million bounty on his head from the United States government, was shot to death before midnight on Tuesday after he and another militant mistakenly drove up to a checkpoint manned by Somali government soldiers.

When the two men tried to escape, the Somali forces fired on their black Toyota four-by-four and killed them during a short gunfight. Somali intelligence officials said that DNA tests carried out in Kenya "by our friends" — suggesting the Central Intelligence Agency, which has been working covertly in Somalia for years — confirmed Mr. Mohammed’s identity.

"This was lucky," a Somali security official said Saturday night. "It wasn't like Fazul was killed during an operation to get him. He was essentially driving around Mogadishu and got lost."

Rats Deserting A Sinking Shit

There go Newt Gingrich's seven votes:

Newt Gingrich's campaign manager and a half-dozen senior advisers resigned on Thursday, two aides said, dealing a significant setback to his bid to seek the Republican presidential nomination and severely complicating his plan to make a political comeback.

The campaign manager, Rob Johnson, along with advisers in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina, joined together to step down after a period of deep internal disagreements about the direction of the campaign.

...

The defections included several veteran Gingrich political advisers, along with new aides who were recently hired. The list, according to two aides, included: Rick Tyler, his longtime spokesman, David Carney, a New Hampshire-based political strategist, Sam Dawson, a strategist, Katon Dawson, a South Carolina consultant and Craig Schoenfeld, an Iowa consultant.

Maybe Newt's streamlining his campaign, like John McCain did.

CNN Reports:

If confirmed, [the death of Al Qaeda leader Ilyas Kashmirihis] would be the first major kill or capture since Osama Bin Laden, and the highest profile drone target since Beitullah Mehsud in 2009.

Jesus, what took you so long? It's been over a month! And now back to the Tot Mom trial, already in progress.

Ten Days That Shook The Weiner

As we enter week two of The Mysterious Case of Anthony Weiner's Cock, the story has finally gotten interesting, mostly for revealing the existence of cretins even more cretinous than Andrew Breitbart and Ace O' Spades.

Take, for instance, Tom-Tom "Tommy" Christopher, a blogger at Dan Abrams' website, Mediocrity. Christopher has written a five-page post celebrating the fact that on one occasion Andrew Breitbart did not publish something false. His headline:

Andrew Breitbart Did Not Run "Weinergate" Evidence Which Turned Out To Be Fake.

Of course, many people don't publish (or repeat) lies all the time. But Tom-Tom thinks that Breitbart deserves a long-winded and poorly-written gold star about the one time Breitbart could have published a lie, but didn't.

According to Tom-Tom, Tom-Tom was contacted by an "under-aged" girl who was chatting with one of Represenative Weiner's online stalkers/accusers. The girl told Tom-Tom that she and her friend had previously communicated online with some other netcretin associated with the accuser, and the girl's friend told the netcretin that Rep. Weiner had communicated privately with her. (The friend later admitted she made this up.) Tom-Tom thinks that Breitbart's decision not to publish an undocumented, third-hand allegation makes him worthy of copious praise. Perhaps Breitbart can return the favor and heap praise on Tom-Tom for not sodomizing newborn kittens before their eyes have opened.

(The love-struck Tom-Tom even promises Breitbart, "For my part, I would testify in court that Andrew did not induce anyone to produce evidence against Anthony Weiner, fabricated or otherwise, and treated the documentation presented to him with circumspection." Of course, such testimony would never be permitted in court, based on such fundamental principles of evidence as compentency, the hearsay rule, etc. Tom-Tom would be more credible promising to catch a grenade for "Andrew," ala Bruno Mars.)

Of course, Tom-Tom's praise of Breitbart as ethical and concerned about protecting minors is based on false facts and premises, as demonstrated here and here. But we're more concerned with Christopher's scumbaggery, not Breitbart's. And Christopher's post is exceedingly creepy.

In the course of his story, Tom-Tom details parts of his lengthy communications over the internet with one of the two high school girls, and names the girls "Betty" and "Veronica" in his post. I'm not saying that Tom-Tom imagined his online chats in this matter, but the mere fact that he was communicating with "under-aged" girls about a sexual subject (the false allegation of inappropriate conduct by Weiner) is pretty sleazy in itself. Someone actually concerned with the privacy of minors might have spent less time (that is to say, no time) communicating with those minors and/or might not have featured them so prominently in a story the only point of which was that Andrew Breitbart did not publish one false allegation he received.

Diving even deeper into the sewer, presented, without comment, is the transcript of a 3.5 hour online sexychat between between some student filmmaker and "Dan Wolfe", in which Dan denies any desire to be the next Joe the Plumber. Like Tom-Tom Christopher, Dan is a concerned parent who spends quality time with his kids by ignoring them for hours while engaged in self-centered online wankery (figuratively) and trivia.

Who knew the internet was so jam-packed with losers?

Update: Tom-Tom gives Andrew some more love by crowing that Andrew removed a link to "underage" girls on the Big Government site after only four days. Whatta guy! At least Tom-Tom didn't get the chance to name those girls after Josie and the Pussycats or other characters in comic books for preteens.

Caption Contest

Governor Romney Claims Hackers Tweeted Photoshopped Picture From His Account.

Sharia Plain Seeks to Increase Her Base

Has the G.O.P. become a big tent party?

Rumor has it that Sharia Plain will launch her presidential campaign on June 22 at a public event in San Francisco.

San Francisco Dykes on Bikes® Women’s Motorcycle Contingent is the mother chapter of the Dykes on Bikes®. We oversee the use of the name Dykes on Bikes® and have chapters nationally and internationally.

Riders are considered a Dykes on Bikes® participant just by registering for the SF Pride Parade.

And by rumor, I mean something I just made up. Like Palin and her support for veterans. Dukakis looked more comfortable in that tank than does Palin trying to avoid direct physical contact with the woman operating that bike.

Bonus Comedy:

The NYT reports:

Ms. Palin climbed aboard a chopper, assisted by a member of the Rolling Thunder staff, but was unable to move because there were so many members of the press snapping photos. Organizers eventually brought in police, also on motorcycles, to clear a path.

After moving just a few feet, Ms. Palin got off the bike to sign autographs and talk with the crowd. At one point she could be heard discussing "the missing," a reference to the soldiers still missing in action — a key part of the Rolling Thunder cause.

Quittin' Ain't Defeat

Why is everyone (example here) pretending that a new straight-to-landfill film about Sharia Plain signals the Alaskan Dumbass' intention to run for President? The trigger for this speculation is a puffer at the right-wing Real Clear Politics site, which pimps the film with book report quality prose such as the following:

If [Palin] does decide to run, "The Undefeated" [sic] will be the key element to her initial coming-out party. The film's impending release -- and the frenzied media attention that it is sure to generate -- will serve as a vivid wake-up call that despite the many obstacles in front of her, Palin's entry into the race would turn the campaign on its head in an instant, just as it did in 2008.

Wait, where's the vivid snooze button? Ah... here it is:

Over the next hour, the crux of the narrative is taken over by Palin's Alaska backers, with former spokesperson Meg Stapleton and attorney Tom Van Flein leading the charge. Other more unfamiliar faces who uphold Palin's Alaska legacy include former Wasilla Deputy Mayor Judy Patrick, former gas pipeline adviser Marty Rutherford, longtime confidantes Kristan Cole and Judy Patrick, and former state Sen. Gene Therriault -- one of the few Alaska legislators who has remained vocal and consistent in his praise of Palin.

What, no spoiler alert?

Nothing generates electoral excitement like headshots and soundbites of and from a candidate's shyster, former mouthpiece and pipeline adviser.

And if that wasn't exciting enough:

As the documentary transitions to Palin's ascent to statewide office, it dramatizes the culture of corruption that permeated Alaska, with images of fat men smoking cigars in dark rooms and the infamous Suite 604 at the Baranof Hotel in Juneau, where the FBI secretly videotaped executives of the oil services company VECO in a corruption scandal that would shake the foundations of Alaska government just as Palin was making a name for herself as an ethics crusader.

I'm not sure why poorly-lit shots of Rush Limbaugh and a hotel room door would encourage anyone to vote for Palin (who didn't work for the FBI), particularly since Palin fled her office to avoid accountability while under investigation for ethics charges against her.

Apart from the crappiness of the film itself, the film isn't a Palin product. So why would it tell us about anything about Palin's plans? Palin didn't even bother to cooperate with the making of this magnum dopus, leaving the filmmaker to recycle audio from Palin's audiobook. (And we all know how riveting audiobook readings can be.)

Whether Palin runs is the guess of anyone who cares to guess about such things, but the fact that some deep-pocketed wingnut nobody decided to make a fanfic film about Palin last year, and is now promoting it, says nothing about Palin's present plans.

Porkfest at Tiffany's

Will Newt Gotrocks throw his wife under the bus to save his Presidential campaign? Depends on whether wife number four is already lined up, I suspect.

At the same time Tiffany & Co. was extending Callista (Bisek) Gingrich a virtual interest-free loan of tens of thousands of dollars, the diamond and silverware firm was spending big bucks to influence mining policy in Congress and in agencies over which the House Agriculture Committee - where she worked -had jurisdiction, official records show. ...According to her filings, Callista Gingrich listed debts to Tiffany of between $250,001 to $500,000 on a "revolving charge account" during 2005-2006. After she left in 2007, she was no longer required to report her finances.
...

The Washington Post' Glenn Kessler wrote that he was "puzzled" by Newt Gingrich's "claim that he had a 'standard, no-interest account' at Tiffany & Co."

"Would Tiffany really charge no interest for that period of time on that amount of money?" he asked.

Tiffany's standard credit card application, Kessler noted, states that customers pay 21 per cent interest on unpaid bills. If Newt and Calista Gingrich paid no interest on a $250,000 balance, it would amount to an interest-free loan of $50,000.

Of course, Newt may have been completely in the dark about his wife's indebtedness to Tiffany's, and just can't admit it. Perhaps, unbeknownst to Newt, Calista also had a Mercedes-Benz and a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends. Some people just lie to their spouse.

A Total Douchebag

The Daily Choler prints the truth!

Red State Editor-in-Chief and CNN contributor Erick Erickson is "a total douchebag," wrote Palin speechwriter and domestic policy adviser Rebecca Mansour in a May 22, 2010, message. "Greasy dumb ass with a talent for self-promotion. He threw himself in at the Gov's SC rally. Self-promotion."

But not the whole truth:

Other messages, including several TheDC has chosen not to publish....

They wouldn't want to start a precedent.

One has to wonder whether Mansour's assessment of Oly Olafson reflects Palin's viewpoint as well, given that "Mansour serves as Palin's domestic policy adviser and speechwriter. She is a gatekeeper, deciding who gets to see and talk to Palin, and who doesn't. Mansour also maintains Palin's online presence." It certainly sounds like the kind of language Palin would use. Or maybe Mansour has just mastered the obvious. In any event, this episode demonstrates the type of pinheads who Palin surrounds herself with.

You also gotta love the whining wingnuts (no links) who are shocked and dismayed that Tucker Faye Carlson would publish private communications. They have not mastered the obvious.

Libertarian Bedwetter Loses Frivolous Lawsuit

Three years ago, a bunch of wingnut welfare libertarians thought it would be fun to prance around the Jefferson Memorial late at night to celebrate their privileged existence. The U.S. Park Police told the dancing fools to bugger off, but the lead prancer thought the law didn't apply to her. The D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals has just advised her that she is full of shit.

At the time of the arrest, libertarian bloggers engaged in a group whine, and one of the very special libertarians crowed that "given that my friend's immediate social circle is largely composed of journalists, bloggers, and constitutional lawyers who sue the government for fun, I predict hilarity." You were right about that, Julian. The government's cost bill will be a real rib tickler.

And kudos to the Park Police for keeping pests out of our national monuments.

What's Missing From The FOX Narrative?

Hint: In other contexts, FOX can't say the word enough. In this context, FOX won't say it at all.

Calling Jim Hoft retarded is an insult to anyone suffering from mental disabilities.

(Warning: Link to a Dimbart site.)

Reliable Sources

Confidential to the New York Post: Here's how you source a charge of a politician engaging in smear tactics:

Although Palin promised to take the high road in politics, [Frank] Bailey was forced into “an ethical limbo dance” that included making up letters to newspaper editors and signing them with the names of supporters. On another occasion, Bailey and other staffers spent hours voting repeatedly to manipulate a television opinion poll on Palin’s decision to reject part of the federal government’s economic stimulus funding. Bailey also helped smear a neighbor who complained about excessive tourist traffic around the governor’s mansion. After hearing of the gripe, Palin sent her daughter Piper out to sell lemonade and then derided her neighbor for protesting children at play. Soon, the neighbor was portrayed on conservative blogs as “sick,” “unhinged” and “drug-addicted.” “By the time we finished with our politics of destruction, he surely regretted ever mentioning the governor’s name,” Bailey writes. “He learned firsthand why so few people were willing to speak out against Sarah Palin.”

Murdoch Plays the Rubes

Is the Obama campaign trying to dig up dirt on Gov. Kris Krispycreme? The Murdoch Post is pretending that it is:

President Obama's re-election campaign is trying to dig up dirt in the Garden State.

Despite New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie's repeated pronouncements that he will not seek the GOP presidential nomination, Obama operatives are compiling a dossier of what they call "opposition research" -- material that could be used to damage Christie if he changes his mind, The Post has learned.

The Obama campaign is trying to keep its efforts from public view, concerned they would only elevate Christie's already impressive standing within the Republican Party, sources said.

Sources say, the Post has learned. That's proof enough for the usual defects in the wingnutosphere, who take the Australian pornographer at his word. (No links to the morons.) These cretins are particularly incensed that Obama's actually conducting research, which makes them look bad when they simply make shit up about Obama without leaving the comfort of their triple-reinforced Barcoloungers.

Ailes Plays the Rubes

This article portrays the other Roger Ailes as a Republican kingmaker. Let's ask King Rudolph CMXI how that worked out for him.

I'm also suspicious of this set of quotes:

"He thinks things are going in a bad direction," another Republican close to Ailes told me. "Roger is worried about the future of the country. He thinks the election of Obama is a disaster. He thinks Palin is an idiot. He thinks she's stupid. He helped boost her up. People like Sarah Palin haven't elevated the conservative movement."

I'm sure some Republican said that, whether he/she believes it or not. But let me go out on a limb and suggest that Other Ailes thinks the election of Obama was a wonderful thing -- an endless source of phoney baloney controversy to keep his scared, elderly viewers glued to the Fox News Channel through the next commercial break. If Ailes had any interest in elevating the conservative movement, or in the direction of the country, he wouldn't program low-rent drivel and employ all the drivellers he's got on his payroll. The beginning and end of Ailes' interest is more interest in his bank accounts.

Herman Cain's First Major Foreign Policy Speech

"Right of return? No way in hell! It says right on the reciept, 'no refunds.' If I let people return my shitty pizza, I'd be bankrupt."

Grand Old Police Blotter: God, Guns and 'Nuts Edition

It's time to make the bail for a Maine Republican who thinks the law doesn't apply to lawmakers:

WATERVILLE -- A state representative from Garland was arrested Saturday morning for pointing a handgun at a man at point-blank range in a Dunkin' Donuts parking lot.

The legistlator, Republican Frederick L. Wintle, 58, faces a felony charge of criminal threatening with a dangerous weapon and a misdemeanor charge of carrying a concealed weapon for pulling a gun on Morning Sentinel photographer Michael Seamans, of Sidney, in a public area near a busy road.

Over the previous few days, people at the Legislature commented on Wintle's increasingly erratic behavior, and he was kicked out of the hotel at which he was staying in Augusta.

Saturday morning, Wintle started talking to Seamans about the infant that died this week at Mid-Maine Homeless Shelter on Ticonic Street and said he was looking for the mother's drug dealer, according to both Seamans and police.

News reports made no mention of drugs involved in the infant's death and did not reveal the family.

He then pulled a .22-caliber handgun out of his pants waistband and pointed it at Seamans in the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot on Kennedy Memorial Drive.

Apologists for Wintle say he's one of God's chosen legislators:

State Rep. Kenneth Ferdette, R-Newport, District 25, said Saturday he had visited Wintle at the Kennebec County Jail twice after Wintle's arrest Saturday morning. He said he and other friends were trying to arrange bail for his release.

Ferdette, an attorney, agreed that Wintle is a religious person.

"I would certainly characterize Fred as being someone who is religious -- I've attended church with him in Exeter, so he's certainly a religious individual," Ferdette said. "We think it's an unfortunate incident; right now we're just trying to get things sorted out and I have had conversations with different people regarding bail. Certainly we would anticipate that he'd be pleading not guilty."

Athens Selectman Charles Rotondi and his wife, Athens Town Clerk Tracey Rotondi, said Saturday they remember Wintle telling voters during the annual town meeting in March that God had led him to run for public office.

"He made those kinds of references a couple of times," Charles Rotondi said. "I remember that kind of rhetoric, but not word for word; I do remember that he was saying God had brought him to office."

Not guilty by reason of Jesus isn't a plea, Kenny boy.

Mitch Daniels is not running for President because he was raptured last evening.

I fully endorse a Gingrich/Rove Republican presidential ticket in 2012.  Just think of the bumper sticker.

Newt/Turd '12

A Republican Sniffs Out Waste, Fraud and Abuse

"If my colleague from the great State of Louisiana can hold down a job," Sen. Coburn added, "why not this guy?"

Not everyone can find gainful employment as the bagman for a friend making hush money payments in the guise of severance pay, Senator Coburn.

Osama Bin Laden now sleeps with Tim McVeigh and David Koresh. And everyone else. Sorry, but that's how it works.

But it's still a good excuse for a party.

Moral: Don't fuck with a Kenyan.

Where I'm At

Since 2006, I've had persistent medical problems resulting from a chronic medical condition first diagnosed that year. Those problems were mostly under control from 2007 through the beginning of 2009. In February 2009, those problems got worse again and I've been battling them to a draw. Since January of this year, that battle has taken even more time than I'd like, so I've been online a lot less.

That all sounds dramatic (mainly because I'm leaving out the interesting and uninteresting details*), but it's not really. I have to take these problems seriously, but I'm not dying, nor am I dying faster than anyone else. I've got health coverage and family and friends helping out. It's just that medical matters have been consuming more of my time, some of which I would spend blogging if I had my choice.

I'm still around. If you read comments at certain other blogs for which registration is not required, you may have seen/will see me there. I'm not going to shut the blog down, at least for now. I will still post, although probably more irregularly than in the past. Who knows what will happen the future?  (Hint: not Sylvia Browne.)

Thank you for reading, and for your support.

* Feel free to speculate -- It would be irresponsible not to!

Sorry about that. I was transitioning off of my daily blogging to develop and produce new programming for the Fox News Channel as well as other several other platforms.

(Menthol, meet sphincter.)

But seriously, you deserve an explanation for my disappearance. I'll try to give you one very soon. And an apology.

Sovereign Alaska

Teabag terrorists in Alaska:

Five people in the Fairbanks area were arrested Thursday by state and federal law enforcement on charges connected with an alleged plot to kidnap or kill state troopers and a Fairbanks judge, according to the Alaska State Troopers.
...

An investigation "revealed extensive plans to kidnap or kill Alaska state troopers and a Fairbanks judge," the statement said. The plans included "extensive surveillance" on the homes of two Fairbanks troopers, the statement said.

"Investigation also revealed that extensive surveillance on troopers in the Fairbanks area had occurred, specifically on the locations of the homes for two Alaska state troopers," the statement said. "Furthermore, [Francis 'Schaeffer'] Cox et. al. had acquired a large cache of weapons in order to carry out attacks against their targeted victims. Some of the weapons known to be in the cache are prohibited by state or federal law."

U.S. Attorney Karen Loeffler said Lonnie Vernon, 55, was arrested for threatening to kill a federal judge. She said more information about federal charges would be released today Fairbanks Police Chief Loren Zager said the operation involved multiple police actions related to Fairbanks-area members of the "sovereign citizen" movement.

...

An arrest warrant for Cox was issued last month when he failed to show up for a court appearance on a weapons charge.

Cox, a vocal proponent of Americans' right to bear arms, had earlier vowed to defy what he described as an illegitimate and overbearing government.

...

An update posted on Cox's Facebook page at about 7:30 p.m. said: "Schaeffer has been taken into custody by the FBI. Please pray for his safety and the safety of his family." [Surely Allah will hear their prayers, no? -- R.A.]

The sovereign citizen movement is characterized by a rejection of U.S. laws and taxes. In general, participants believe that federal, state and local statutes and laws do not apply to them.

So they haven't split with the Republican Party entirely.

Francis Shaeffer Cox (not to be confused with Francis Schaeffer). Is that an Irish name?

Darrell Issa: Howie Kurtz Is A Lying Sack

Speaking to TPM on Thursday, Issa expressed doubt that anyone could confuse his voice with Bardella's.

"How much have you talked to Kurt? Ever?" he said. "Do you see any similarity in our voices?"

Issa said he had no reason to believe Bardella's [sic] acted deliberately.

"The fact is Kurt made on the record commitments for a plethora of issues every day," he said. "It's not uncommon for him to make those, he did it, and when we had hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of on the record [conversations], what purpose would it serve for him to deliberately impersonate me? I believe Howard misunderstood, but I don't see a conflict between his misunderstanding and Kurt making statements on behalf of the Congressman every day and sooner or later someone not fully paying attention to who he was talking to."

Not paying attention is an interesting euphamism.

If the Democrats don't mention Kevin Harpham at least once every fifteen minutes during Peter King's show trials, we need new Democrats.

Or at least the old Democrats who took the Waco hearings and revealed the Republicans to be craven apologists for a mass-murdering pedophile.

Newt Gingrich: There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate. And what I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn't trapped in situation ethics, I was doing things that were wrong, and yet, I was doing them. I found that I felt compelled to seek God's forgiveness. Not God’s understanding, but God's forgiveness. I do believe in a forgiving God. And I think most people, deep down in their hearts hope there’s a forgiving God.

Oh, and God told me he forgave me, and I didn't have to stop what I was doing, and he especially told me not to ask forgiveness from the people I actually harmed, or to try to make amends, because if he loved this country as much as I do, he would've done the same thing. If not worse.

Bloody Hell

An incident in Texas, as reported by the New York Times:

The [cell phone] video led the police to an abandoned trailer, more evidence and, eventually, to a roundup over the last month of 18 young men and teenage boys on charges of participating in the gang rape of an 11-year-old girl in the abandoned trailer home, the authorities said.

Five suspects are students at Cleveland High School, including two members of the basketball team. Another is the 21-year-old son of a school board member. A few of the others have criminal records, from selling drugs to robbery and, in one case, manslaughter. The suspects range in age from middle schoolers to a 27-year-old.

The case has rocked this East Texas community to its core and left many residents in the working-class neighborhood where the attack took place with unanswered questions. Among them is, if the allegations are proved, how could their young men have been drawn into such an act?

"It's just destroyed our community," said Sheila Harrison, 48, a hospital worker who says she knows several of the defendants. "These boys have to live with this the rest of their lives."

Ms. Harrison is also quoted as saying, "Where was her mother? What was her mother thinking?" So it's not like she's blaming the 11-year-old girl entirely.

This is NOT good news for John McCain.

Bardella of Blood, Part II

Gawker and Fishbowl D.C. have picked up the story of Howie Kurtz calling Issa spokesman Kurt Bardella an imposter, a 180 from the previous fails: "Bardella didn't say he wasn't the Congressman" and "When Darrell Issa referred to himself as 'Darrell Issa,' it never occurred to me I wasn't speaking to Darrell Issa."

I doubt this will go much further, given that every MediaHo in MediaHoVille wants an invite to Howie's cable show. But at least Howie will know he's been busted, since Gawker is his favorite site for Charlie Sheen gossip.

That Magic Moment

Meegan MeeCardle:

We'd like to put in a tankless water heater, for a number of reasons: it's environmentally sound, it will lower our electricity bill, and I'd like to be able to run a nice, hot full bath.

The problem is, we don't know anything about tankless water heaters, what to look for, what brands are good, or whether they're a bad idea.

Here are several good reasons to do something I know nothing about - it's a career and a lifestyle.

When Suderman finally snaps, the New York Post headline may read "Brainless Blogger in Tankless Heater."

In the tradition of the Gipper's appropriation of Born in the U.S.A., I give you the Palin 2012 campaign theme song:

Hacks Who Imagine Crank Calls

Howard Kurtz interupts the incest-is-best blather of PoliticHo non-journalist John Harris for some imperfect self-defense:

HARRIS: I wasn't, Howard, making kind of an abstract argument or a philosophical argument about sort of the role of journalism and what gets in the public view versus what doesn't. I was making a very specific argument in very specific circumstances to Chairman Issa, which is if you expect us to have a professional and good-faith relationship with your office, you can't be doing something that's fundamentally in bad faith.

So I was -- my concern was for the integrity of Politico's relationships and Politico's reporting. I think Jack was making it a more abstract point.

KURTZ: OK.

HARRIS: So you can ask him about that. I was responding in my role as editor, responsible for a newsroom of 130 journalists, many of whom do their work up on Capitol Hill, for whom a relationship of trust and good faith with people who are speaking on behalf of members of Congress is very important.

KURTZ: Well, let me mention, I had my own run-in with Kurt Bardella. I had asked for an interview with Darrell Issa, and he called and impersonated the congressman. And I said, "Thanks for calling, Congressman." He didn't correct me. I wrote him a note saying, "Thanks for getting me the congressman." He didn't correct me.

HARRIS: Right.

KURTZ: And then I made a serious mistake for which I've apologized in waiting weeks to correct the record after this sort of bizarre situation. I've never been in a situation like that.

Let's review what really happened: Kurtz "asked" Bardella to set up a call with Issa. He's deliberately vague on how he asked Bardella, presumably for the obvious reason he doesn't want to admit knowing what Bardella sounded like. Bardella then called Kurtz, and Kurtz for some reason thought that Bardella was Issa. Kurtz has never claimed that Bardella said he was Issa, or that he disguised his voice somehow. That's not impersonation; it's a making a telephone call to a dumbfuck and not correcting a dumbfuck.

Why am I so confident that Bardella did not identify him as Issa? Because of Kurtz's admission:

The earlier version also mentioned Darrell Issa's "tendency to refer to himself in the third person." In fact, that usage was appropriate because the interview was with his spokesman.

No, it was not appropriate because the Congressman does not have a tendency to refer to himself in the third person. His spokesman referred to the Congressman in the third person, and Kurtz was too fucking stupid to figure out who he was speaking to.

Let's hope that Bardella saved Kurtz's e-mails. There's got to be something there that fails even to meet the Daily Beast's next-to-nonexistent standards.

P.S. to John Harris: It doesn't take leaked e-mails to tell which politicians PoliticHo is blowing.

The FOX News Primary + The George Fwill Primary = The Null Set

The only Republicans that George Fwill thinks can win the White House in 2012 are those who don't have contracts with FOX News. Fwill's parade of pontential potentates is down to five:

Let us not mince words. There are at most five plausible Republican presidents on the horizon - Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels, Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, former Utah governor and departing ambassador to China Jon Huntsman, former Massachusetts governor Romney and former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty.

Fwill must've woken up with a horse's teabag in his bed, because none of those five are Tea Party darlings. (Barbour might get the racist teabag vote, but he's a lobbyist too.) They're all present or former governors, have no significant foreign policy experience (except Huntsman), and they're all bland, middle to late age white men (like Fwill).

Fwill dismisses two other Republican governors, Newt and Huckabee, even though they're as experienced, pasty and insipid as Barbour. Ostensibly, Fwill doesn't like that they're birther/other conspiracy nuts. Apparently, he believes that this will keep them out of the White House. But who will win when Romney's the Republican nominee and the Teabaggers make Sharia Plain or John Bolton or Rick Santorum their third party candidate?

Fwill likes his Republican Party like he likes his luxury skyboxes, far from the riff-raff and paid for by someone else. His party can't win without appeasing the riff-raff and siphoning their money. But it will be nice to watch them try.

Update (3/7): Newt Gingrich was not a governor, as stated above. Fwill does dismiss half-governor Sharia Plain, who is a pasty and insipid, though not as experienced, as Fwill's faves. Fwill does not mention Gov. Christie, although it's not clear whether the omission is due to Christie's claim that he will run or just because Fwill hates fatties.

World's Most Sexually Appealing Libertarian Dies

From the New York Daily News:

The nearly 600-pound man who gained fame as spokesman for the Heart Attack Grill – a Phoenix-area restaurant that prides itself in serving excessively unhealthy food – is dead at the age of 29.

Blair River's official cause of death is currently not known, but friends say he contracted pneumonia after a bout with the flu. He died on Tuesday.

The 6-foot-8, 575 pound man is being remembered as an energetic, creative, gentle giant.

"Cynical people might think this (River's death) is funny," the restaurant's founder Jon Basso told the Arizona Republic. "But people who knew him are crying their eyes out. There is a lot of mourning going on around here. You couldn't have found a better person."

At the Heart Attack Grill, scantily-clad women dressed as nurses unabashedly serve its customers high-caloric food. The menu touts its 8,000-calorie quadruple bypass burger, "flatliner fries" fried in "pure lard," a "butterfat shake," and no-filter cigarettes.

Reason's Nick Gillespie is the front-runner to fill Mr. River's role as the restaurant's spokeslardass. He's only got another thirty pounds to gain, and then Michelle Obama will be sorry!

Kausfails Again

Reduced to sleeping in Tucker Carlson's broomcloset, next to Jim Treacher's used medical supplies, Mickey Kaus continues to blather on about his pet hates. Here's his latest post on teachers' unions:

Unionism + Legalism = Government Failure: How to fire a bad Chicago public school teacher in only 2-5 years! …
What’s unclear to me is how much of this daunting procedural labyrinth is written into state law–so it would survive even if Chicago’s teachers unions were stripped of their bargaining power. …

Now Kaus may claim he's not endorsing the accuracy of the chart he links to, but he is. He doesn't say, "worrying, if true." He links to the chart without even acknowledging the possibility it's inaccurate, for the obvious reason he wants it to be true. So let's look at how inaccurate Kaus's thesis is.

First, the chart only applies to tenured teachers, a point Kaus omits. According to this link, teachers in Chicago public schools can only get tenure after three years at a particular school, and the school is not required to give tenure after three years, but can keep a teacher on probation. During the pre-tenure period, a teacher can be fired in 2-5 seconds. So what Kaus is talking about is firing teachers that already have been deemed qualified by their school.

Second, the chart describes the procedure for firing any tenured teacher, not just "bad teachers." Does Kaus think that good teachers should be shitcanned without any due process? He doesn't say. He just pretends that the process only protects bad teachers.

Next, the "2-5 year" claim is not supprted by the linked chart. The Tribune chart says the first stage, "Remediation," takes "1 year." But the "Time Frames" given by the chart for all the steps in the Remediation stage add up to 131-140 days, a little more than 1/3 of a year. The second stage is given a total time frame of "About 4 Months," but the steps only add up to 90 days. The third stage is defined in such vague phrases as "at least 1 month" and "up to 30 days" that it's impossible to give a truly accurate time frame.

Finally, note that "The teacher is fired" comes before the last step in the third stage, before the "2 to 3 year" final phase. The fourth phase involves the teacher filing a civil action for wrongful termination, in which the teacher must prove that the termination was arbitrary, capricious or against the manifest weight of the evidence (a pointless endeavor unless the teacher was terminated for improper reasons). This is like the civil suits terminated workers who are not union employees and who are not teachers and/or public employees can and do file against their former employers all the time.

In summary, the chart does not apply to all teachers, it does not depict a "2-5 year" process before the teacher is fired (according to the chart itself), and the chart's numbers do not add up (according to chart itself). If you accept and add up all the given numbers for the period before the firing, they add up to 306, less than one year.

Maybe Kaus thinks that school districts should be able to sack incompetent, non-performing deadweights as easily Newsweek magazine can (that is, in 4-5 months). But that's how it works in the Chicago public schools too! And Kaus forgets his Wingnut 101, which teaches that public adminstrators (principals, superintendents, etc.( are also evil, parasitic bureaucrats. Are schools better served by a system where administrators have total power over firing, or one which places checks on that power? Don't ask Kaus. He hasn't found an inaccurate chart to answer that question for him.

Davidiayns At The Movies

David Koresh's unrequited lover, Matt Welch, gives Atlas Tugged, Part One two thumbs up his ass:

My five-word movie review as someone who hasn't read the book is that lovers, haters will both enjoy (for different reasons, obviously). You cared about the story and the protagonists, the look and sound were mostly (and surprisingly) handsome, Dagny in particular and Hank were good, and there are some pretty awesome capitalism, bitches!-style moments. Felt a bit like they were speeding through the material, and so characters (and ever-present cable news shows that cared deeply about the construction of rail lines) did a lot of heavy expositional lifting that didn't much resemble dialogue or news broadcasts.

If Welch hasn't read the book, how does he know that they were speeding through the material? Perhaphs the same way he "knows" that "Janet Reno's FBI" gunned people down in Waco in 1993. He doesn't, and he doesn't give a shit.

But He Was Really Hoping For A Tug

Via R Porrofatto in TBogg's comments section:

Meade says he joined the standing ovation at this point, and that Scott Walker looked at him and gave him: 1. a smile, 2. a nod, and 3. a wink. Meade was quite pleased about that!

Scott Walker is The One!

Why the chinless Governor of Wisconsin would single out one particular elderly man from a crowd for such public displays of affection is beyond me.

Birthers And Those Who Blow Them

Dave Weigel confidently declares that Mike Huckabee is not a Birther. But he links to an Media Matters article where Two-Buck Huck in quoted as saying the following:

"The only reason I'm not as confident that there's something about the birth certificate, Steve, is because I know the Clintons [inaudible] and believe me, they have lots of investigators out on him, and I'm convinced if there was anything that they could have found on that, they would have found it, and I promise they would have used it."

Huck's only slightly less confident that Obama is a furriner than he is about other made-up shit, including that Obama grew up in Kenya and hates Winston Churchill and Old Blighty. So what does that make the Huckster, a questioning Birther? a 90 percent Birther? a Flat-Birther?

Either you're a dumbass or you're not. Perhaps Huckabee's pretending to be a Birther to pander to the Republican base. If so, he's not only a dumbass, he's a lying dumbass.

I can't wait for Huck's grovelling response when some Body Counter asks him why the Clintons didn't have Obama killed.

Bonus Question: Now the Huckabee has acknowledged that the President spent part of his childhood in Indonesia rather than Keyna, will he accuse Obama of returning the bust of Pieter Gerbrandy?

Update:

They Heart Huckabee-ess

The Beltway Inciders [not sic] have looked into Huck's heart and find it pure as the driven snow. PoliticHo's Ben Dover Smith:

Mike Huckabee, who has never indulged paranoia about Obama's birth -- and who has generally chided vitriolic attacks on the president and First Lady -- pretty clearly misspoke in a radio interview today, prompting a boomlet of outrage.

Ben Dover goes onto acknowledge that Huck's story of the Churchill bust was pure bullshit, and ignores Huckabee's vitriolic attack on a former President and First Lady. But Ben's still willing to give Huck the full John McCain Experience (or, as they say on Craigslist, "JME"). Who knows, Huck might need an official stenographer someday.

Pastor Grant's Wank

Not to be confused with.

Sometimes Soaking Is The Solution

In a piece entitled Contraception is Not The Solution, Kathryn J. Lopez writes:

While women may want love and marriage, they don't expect it. Justice Sandra O'Connor wrote in the Planned Parenthood v. Casey opinion that women had "organized intimate relationships, and made choices that define their views of themselves and their places in society, in reliance on the availability of abortion in the event that contraception should fail." And why wouldn't they? Who, nowadays, encourages them to want more?

Why, I can't think of a single person, religious organization, publication, film, website, equality movement or bridal magazine that encourages women to want love and marriage. Whether it's mom passing along the family diaphragm to her eldest daughter, the Abortions column in the Sunday New York Times or the latest Hollywood abort-com chick flick, the only message women get from family, friends and society is fuck 'em and chuck 'em. And let's not even mention K-Lo's own considerable efforts to deny love and marriage to women.

K-Lo doesn't need to get laid, she just needs to get out of the basement once in a while.

Are You Dumber Than A Plumber?

The Right Network, a reported cable television netwerk, is now picking up Depends Media's sloppy seconds. The network is "airing" a talk show featuring failed pretend plumber Joe Wurzelbach interviewing guests in some sort of outbuilding. The slapheaded illiterate has already snagged a coveted interview with Bill Whittle. Titled Whaddya Know, Joe, Wurzelbach's show is scheduled for a 15 second run.

Future low-cost programming from the network includes Walker, Failed Govenor, Scabs with Mickey Kaus and Kelsey Grammer's Drag Race.

Shorter Dr. Helen Smith

"an abortion can cost a ballin' nigga up to 50gs maybe a 100. Gold diggin' bitches be getting pregnant on purpose. #STRAPUP my niggas!"

Fox News Media Critic Even Bigger Hack Than Howard Kurtz

Cal Thomas needs to hire someone more honest to write his columns for him.

Confidential to newspaper reporters: If you write an article about an incriminating tape recording, your readers might like an answer to the question, "Where's the fucking tape recording now?"

Blockheads.

You Say Mitt, I Say Muff

Someone tell PoliticHo that the correct pronunciation of the incorrect word is not mispronunciation:

Book: Palin used to mispronounce 'Mitt'

Sarah Palin used to pronounce Mitt Romney's name "M-I-L-T."

In one of the many embarrassing anecdotes about the former Alaska governor, former aide Frank Bailey writes in a leaked manuscript that Palin actually argued with some of her staffers about how to correctly pronounce Romney's name.

During her own 2006 campaign for governor, when Romney was chairman of the Republican Governors Association, Bailey writes that Palin didn't seem to know much about the then-Massachusetts governor.

“During the campaign for governor, when Romney was in the background of our Republican Governors’ mess, Sarah didn’t even have a clear idea who he was,” Bailey writes. “As she wrote after the gubernatorial election, ‘I argued with Frank and others, as I insisted his name was Milt, not Mitt.’”

The story is one of several that the disgruntled ex-aide highlights in painting a very unflattering picture of Palin.

Palin correctly pronounced Milt, the word which she was trying to pronounce. She has no trouble pronouncing the letter "t." If she was trying to pronounce Milt and said Milf, that would be mispronunciation. Her error was that she didn't know that Willard the Talking Wigstand's middle name is Mitt.

And it's almost certain she didn't pronounce the name by spelling out its letters ("M-I-L-T"). Although maybe she did when the kids were around.

The title of the article should be "Book: Palin Thought Mitt Romney's Name Was Milt."

I know I'm going to call Romney Milt from now on.

John Galt Meets Ed Hardy

"Doctor" Helen Smith takes a break from shutting up and getting Instacracker a beer to expound on the plight of the victimized male:

After 45 years of being told they are pigs, sexist, and good for nothing, men have quit trying to please others, so they slap on a baseball cap and don’t talk much. And with good reason.

...

What do you have to offer these men you call child-men if they do man up? Are you going to ensure that they have fair access to their children should they divorce? Will you make sure that they aren't hauled off to jail if the wife makes false accusations of domestic violence? Will you let them keep the earnings and property that they worked for over years rather than have them turned over to their wife, even if she cheated and was abusive? Will you shield the millions of men who live in fear of their significant other but have nowhere to turn for help? Will you make marriage, in other words, as valuable to men as you think it is for women?

I doubt it. What Hymowitz and other authors in this area — see Kathleen Parker’s Save the Males: Why Men Matter, Why Women Should Care for another example — seem to want is for these men to marry women and make them happy. Rather than recognize that they are autonomous beings who are living for themselves and fulfilling their own needs and not a woman’s obligations, these analyses of the “man problem” seem to be all about what women want. [Analyses are people too, dammit! -- R.A.]

Well, such are the fruits of half a century of organizing gender relations along the lines of women's immediate desires. Long term, it has resulted in men bailing out, going "John Galt" in the gender economy. And I can understand the disappointment. But I don’t share it. As you sow, so shall you reap.

The good "Doctor" should open up the Galt's Gulch Domestic Abuse Shelter (No Girls Allowed), to shield those millions (!) of male victims of cunning whores who beat the shit out of them, falsely accuse them of abuse and take all their money. Why, her comments section alone is crawling with punch-drunk suckers who didn't have the ball caps to fight back.

(It's Depends Media - no link)

Walker Swallows Fake Koch

It had to be said.

Walker gives good hed.

That too.

Talking Points Mammal

We can no longer trust a word Josh Marshall says:

When I was a little kid I used to like watching battles between boffo lizard monsters like Godzilla and Mothra.

Say what, lepidoptera breath?

The Halt and The Lane

Is Charles Lane stupid or just stupid? Here, Lane offers friendly advice to the rank and file.

If that's the way these guys negotiate, I really wouldn't want to be a public-sector union member in Wisconsin. If they had the interests of their membership at heart, they would give in on bargaining rights, which can always be restored under a friendlier government later -- but keep maximum cash in their members' pockets here and now.

Looks to me as if Wisconsin's union leaders have revealed their preference for political power. They want to preserve collective bargaining at all costs, because without it they will lose the flow of dues money. And without dues money, the unions have no political war chests, and without political war chests, they are no longer power brokers in state and local elections.

Assuming you've graduated from third grade, you'll see where I'm going here. How do those collective bargaining rights get restored under a friendlier government in the future when the union has no power or money to influence state and local elections and thus can't get a friendlier government elected? They don't. And the unfriendly governments that get elected in the future will continue to take maximum cash from the workers' pockets in the then and later, because there's no union around to stop them.

Lane could be a tool of the hard-right union haters, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's mentally impaired.

Nate Silver discovers that water may be wet.

Jim Hoft For Senate

The G.O.P. needs a man like Jim Hoft in a leadership role.

He can't count, but he's got mad mic skillz!

Life In the Slow Lane

Concerned Charles "The Slow" Lane is concerned. He weeps for the Nation, while the Nation laughs back at him.

Watching events in Wisconsin, Chas. writes:

This is a sad moment for liberalism, for the Democratic Party, and, really, for the whole country.

What hath Chas. distraught?

Union-backed demonstrators, furious at Republican Gov. Scott Walker's plans for reining in public-sector unions, equate him with Hosni Mubarak and Adolf Hitler, in disgusting mimickry of some Tea Party members' inflammatory linkage between Obama and the evil dictators of history. (See Photo no. 10 in this gallery) or Photo 13 in this gallery.

Chas. links to one photo of a person carrying a sign equating Walker with "Mubarak plus Hitler." What is his evidence that the singular sign bearer is union-backed? Your guess is as good as Chas.'s.

What should the demonstrators do, go home because someone else showed up with a Hitler sign?

But wait, there's less.

And, of course, thousands of teachers have abandoned their classrooms to join a boisterous crowd intimidating and obstructing the elected state legislature in Madison -- in scenes reminiscent of the Tea Party's mobbing of Democrats on Capitol Hill during the health-care debate.

This is hypocrisy on an epic scale.

Intimidation? Obstruction? Proof? Don't hold your breath. Perhaps the Post could get Stephen Glass to fact-check Lane's blogposts.

It seems like it was only eleven months ago that the pants-wetting Lane was dryly praising the Tea Baggers for their "characteristically American" spirit, "the spirit of anti-compromise." But one or two offensive signs in a peaceful gathering 30,000 or more concerned citizens petitioning their Legislature makes Lake blubber for our country.

This is hypocrisy that could dance on the head of a pinhead.

The Teabag Film Festival

The box office battle for the wingnut entertainment dollar is on: Atlas Shrugged vs. The Genesis Code:

Kerry Wells (Kelsey Sanders), a college journalist and committed Christian with an effervescent personality, has been assigned to do a story on Blake Truman (Logan Bartholomew) the college's newest and very popular hockey superstar. As a relationship between them begins to develop Kerry finds that Blake, who hides behind a tough and independent façade, is actually struggling through a difficult personal crisis and that he bears the cross of a secret he has kept hidden for years. Blake rebuffs Kerry's suggestion that prayer might help ease his burden; he is convinced that modern science completely disproves the Bible, especially the opening verses of Genesis. Kerry -- who is herself suddenly confronted with a challenge to her faith on another front -- sets out to prove that science and Genesis are not in conflict and her quest leads to a startling revelation. Could it be that what science teaches us about creation and the Story as told in Genesis are both true and in perfect accord!

Spoiler Alert!

No.

P.S. -- The Genesis Code is directed by C. Ponyboy Soulman, and features a cameo by Huckleberry Fred.

K-Lo's got Bieber Fever, and Forced Pregnancy By Rape Fever

From K-Lo in The Corner:

The Kid Isn’t Bad

February 16, 2011 2:15 P.M. By Kathryn Jean Lopez

... [Quoting Rolling Stone]

He isn’t sure what political party he’d support if he was old enough to vote. “I’m not sure about the parties,” Bieber says. “But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad.” He does have a solid opinion on abortion. “I really don’t believe in abortion,” Bieber says. “It’s like killing a baby?” How about in cases of rape? “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”

A friend e-mails: “You wonder, I’m sure, what Justin Bieber thinks about abortion? … Clearer than some GOP presidential hopefuls.”

Is there an e-mail circulating urging wingnut bloggers to make today "Support Rapists Day"?

Libertarian Fever: Catch It And Watch Your Dick Fall Off

Here's the flipside to Kevin McCullough's piss-and-moan about rude libertarians: Reason Magazine's efforts at pretending that the libertarian infestation of CPAC has any significance beyond the halls of the venue where CPAC was held:

Ron Paul: Something is Happening and You Don't Know What It Is, Do You Mr. Right Wing?

Brian Doherty | February 14, 2011

There's a fantastical "this can't be really happening" feeling to the continued extent and power of Ron Paul's popularity among the most dedicated young activists within the Republican Party, not only to those like me who've been largely cheering him from the margins of the margins of American political power for decades, but also for those who have been actively trying to drive him off even those mrgins.

Wanker, please. The Ron Paul REVULsion will not be realized, regardless of the extreme OCD of Paul's fanniest fan boys. In polls not limited to the clinically insane, Paul's right behind Chris Chrispycreme, which is not a place anyone wants to be.

Also, in the real world, the activists who control the Republican Party aren't libertarian losers, they're the lobbyists who get paid ten grand a day to make sure big government gives bigger businesses everything their hearts' desire. Ron Paul could publish his racist newsletter 'til hell freezes over and the G.O.P. will never let him sit with the grownups.

Still, it's fun to watch the Paulentolgists fling their feces at the neo-con crew.

Libertarians Are The New New Black Panther Party

Kevin McCullough accuses libertarians of disrepectful voter fraud:

In other words, this year's CPAC wasn't about advancing conservatism. Rather, it exposed the radically disrespectful element of the libertine.

It has been the inclusion of the libertarian aspects of the past two years that has thrown the message of conservatism askew in a widely disproportional way.

It is the libertarian in attendance that produced the free pornographic calendar passed out to attendees in 2010. It is the libertarians in attendance who openly promote the inclusion of groups like GOProud, largely as an attempt to silence groups who would speak in strong support of traditional moral values. It is the libertarian in attendance who slandered President George Bush, by claiming his appreciation for the Constitution was best summed up as a "damn piece of paper." It is the libertarian in attendance that proclaimed the war to prevent terrorists from regathering strength and coming after our homeland as "illegal." And it is the libertarian in attendance that eschewed, booed, cajoled and screamed "war criminal" to Vice President Dick Cheney, a man who served his country with commitment and still attempts to help the world understand the threat of the radical Islamic element devising plans to eliminate us and our allies.

Now the libertarians stuffed the ballot box of the CPAC straw poll, and for the second year in a row made it the laughingstock poll in the eyes of the voters. (This year's voters are perhaps more engaged, more aware and more plugged in than ever before.)

McCullogh is seeking the nomination of the Illiteratarian Party. He's eschew in.

I'm Midas Fucking Mulligan!

Is that Kathleen Parker as Stand-Up Reporter Lockjaw? And how much did the Jewelry Theater Center have to pay for the product placement?

Ron Paul REVULsion

Read more about the once and future President of CPAC here.

Bum Rushed

Given the hook by Moses Whine. Oh, the humanity:

[Former New Mexico Governor Gary] Johnson had just moved on to immigration when, all of a sudden, country music began to swell. The day's emcee, Pajama[s] Media's Roger Simon, popped out from behind the curtain and stood to Johnson's right, waiting. Clearly, Johnson's CPAC moment was over.

The Joh[n]son staffer told TPM: "Yeah, they played him off."

Things Get Bitter With Age

Not content with snapping up one geriatric right-winger, The Daily Choler has also raided Renew America's all-star roster for some fresh blood:

Carey Roberts - Carey Roberts is an analyst and commentator on political correctness. His best-known work was an exposé on Marxism and radical feminism.

Was?

I'm hoping Roberts and Kaus live long enough to write an expose on radical Marxist feminist immigrant teachers.

I Am Bigger Than A Blogger

Fresh from throwing Paul Mirengoff under the bus, Johnny Assrocket appears at CPAC screeches, "Do you know who I am?"

The credentials line confuses everyone. I spot John Hinderaker, the co-founder of Powerline, Time magazine's 2004 "Blog of the Year." He has found the blogger credentialing line. He's slightly perplexed. "I don't consider myself a blogger," he tells the helpful volunteer. "I do most of my writing online; I write pieces in newspapers." As he's getting sorted out, he runs into Pamela Geller, the "Atlas Shrugs" blogger and warrior against the "Ground Zero Mosque." He explains his blogger predicament to her.

Well, Assrocket, you're certainly no Jim Hoft. But keep trying.

(Hat tip for the title: Brian and Kevin O'Neal.)

Rupert Murdoch, Master of the 24 Hour News Cycle

From the Wingnut Street Journal, Teabag Edition:

FEBRUARY 11, 2011.

Crisis Flummoxes White House President Mubarak's Refusal to Step Down Signals a Loss of Western Influence; Sense of 'Disbelief' After Speech.

By ADAM ENTOUS And JAY SOLOMON

WASHINGTON — The defiant tone taken by Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak — and widespread confusion about the meaning of his speech — had White House officials stumbling for their next step in a crisis that was spinning out of their control.

The article goes on ... to .. uh...

FEBRUARY 11, 2011, 11:36 A.M. ET.

Mubarak Resigns, Delegates Affairs to Army

By MARGARET COKER, CHRISTOPHER RHOADS And SAM DAGHER

President Hosni Mubarak succumbed to the demands of hundreds of thousands of his countrymen Friday and resigned from office, bringing to an end three decades of autocratic rule.

The announcement was delivered by Egypt's vice president, Omar Suleiman, in a brief statement on state television. Mr. Mubarak delegated control of the country's affairs to Egypt's army, Mr. Suleiman said.

Wingnut stenographer fail.

Show Us The Shekels

Cheney, too, engendered spirited jeering. Anti-war hecklers yelled the following insults: “Show us the shekels, Dick! Show us the shekels”, “Draft dodger!”, “Murderous scum,” “Where’s bin Laden?” and “Liberator,” which was possibly meant ironically.

Contrary to rumors, these shouts did not come from the staff of Reason magazine, who couldn't give a shit if foreigners and the poor die in illegal wars. They were saving their voices so they could shout "Spank me!" at Ron and/or Rand Paul.

Christopher Lee

BAFTA Fellowship winner or dimwitted Republican scumbag? You make the call.

You've Got Fail

How much do teabaggers love free speech and free enterprise? This much:

Florida Republican Rep. Allen West said Tuesday that AOL's purchase of the Huffington Post is a threat to tea party groups' online presence.

West suggested that the business deal gives the left-leaning site more control over federal regulations of the Internet.

"You look out there, you see that AOL has purchased the Huffington Post. Now all of a sudden a very far left liberal blogger such as Arianna Huffington has a huge influence in the Internet world," he said.

"We cannot allow ourselves to be suppressed. We cannot allow them to take over the Internet," he said, as audience members nodded vigorously and started clapping.

That's ten kinds of dumbfuck.

(And speaking of dumbfuck, the author of the PoliticHo article (Simmi Aujla) doesn't identify where West is speaking, or who he's speaking to. PoliticHo blows, and not just Matt Drudge.)

In other news

Compuserve buys BigGovernment.com for $3,150 in Compuserve stock.

NetZero buys Pajamas Media for $3.15 in dial-up access credits.

Prodigy refuses to buy The Daily Caller, saying The Daily Caller isn't worth shit.

The Sexorcist

So why isn't this criminal sexual assault?

Human Life International (HLI) revealed on February 2 that Father Thomas Euteneuer, who had been the organization's president since 2000, had stepped down in August 2010 after an investigation into reports of misconduct. The HLI statement came on the heels of another public statement, issued by Father Euteneuer himself, admitting to misconduct.

"The circumstances that led to my departure from HLI were related exclusively to my own decisions and conduct within the ministry of exorcism that I carried out independently from my responsibilities at HLI," Father Euteneuer said. In his personal statement, released January 31, he insisted that his "violations of chastity were limited to one person only, an adult woman." Denouncing internet rumors of further misconduct, Father Euteneuer insisted that he had not been implicated in any other misconduct.

The statement from HLI, released by the organization’s board, offered a somewhat different perspective. "Since the time of Rev. Euteneuer’s resignation, the Board subsequently learned of additional allegations in connection with his exorcism ministry," HLI revealed. The statement indicated that HLI had forwarded the appropriate information to Father Euteneuer’s bishop, and refrained from any further public comment in order to preserve the reputations of all those involved. [Yes, refraining from further public comment about allegations of other misconduct by El Presidente will preserve the reputations of all involved. Just ask BennyXVI! -- R.A.]

Upon leaving HLI, Father Euteneuer returned to the Diocese of Palm Beach, Florida, where he is incardinated. Bishop Gerald Barbarito of Palm Beach has revealed, in a memo to priests of the diocese: "Father Euteneuer has been undergoing intensive evaluation and counseling to address admitted inappropriate crossing of adult heterosexual boundaries on the occasion of carrying out his priestly ministry."

By definition, an exorcism involves a person who is possessed by demons, that is, a person unable to control his or her own body (or, in the real world, a person vulnerable enough to believe in such happy horeshit -- or unable to avoid its imposition upon him/her). If Father Euteneuer believed the adult woman was possessed, any sexual conduct toward her by him was intentional sexual assault. But his main concern appears to be that you know he's not a fag.

Note also the padre's weasel-worded defense:

The violations of chastity happened due to human weakness but did not involve the sexual act.

Is this dick attempting to say that he only had impure thoughts about "crossing adult heterosexual boundries" with an "adult woman"? Is he saying his assault didn't involve his genitals? If the padre won't even describe what he's done while he's trying to exculpate himself, his contrition doesn't mean shit. And neither do his attempts to play the victim.

National Review Online, which covered a 2007 pissing match between the padre and Sean Hannity in which Sean came out in favor of birth control, is so far silent about this hero of the pro-life movement. I'm guessing they'll say that the padre was another victim of demon possession and rightfully should be collecting workers' compensation benefits for his suffering.

Turning Over A New Page

From CNN.com:

"[Former GOP Representative Mark] Foley headlined a meeting of the Palm Beach County Young Republicans last week. According to the group's president, Foley was met with a warm response.

'His speech was wonderful, Young Republicans President Jackie Fay told CNN. 'He spoke about the slate of freshman officials in the House and the Senate, how the American public will hold them accountable and not accept things as they were.'

Foley also touched on government debt and the importance of the Young Republicans to the national party.

Asked if he was nervous about giving the speech, Foley responded, "Not at all. I just imagined the audience in their underwear. Three years ago."

Atlas Tugged

Sign up for the Atlas Shrugged Movie newsletter* for a chance at winning an Official Atlas Shrugged Movie Crew jacket OR 2 tickets to the first private screening of "Atlas Shrugged" on February 24th at The Backstage Theatre in Culver City, California**. Winner's choice.

. . .

2. ELIGIBILITY RESTRICTIONS

a. The Promotion is open to all persons who are 18 years of age or older and who reside in the USA. This Promotion is subject to all applicable federal, state and local laws and regulations and is void where prohibited.

b. The winner must provide valid government-issued photo identification and provide their complete address, social security card, date of birth and phone number to claim a prize.

Two questions:

1. Since The Daily Choler is bringing in Midget Mickey Kaus to replace S.E. Cupp, will Tucker force Kaus to pose for a cheesecake headshot?

2. If so, will it be more or less revolting than the Jim Treacher legshots?

Simple Answers to Libertarian Dumbfucks

A dumbfuck writes:

I just got off the phone with a longtime friend — a successful Egyptian business leader. He believes that several hundred thousand people in the streets do not represent the 80 million citizens of Egypt. They represent anarchists, communists, and Islamic extremists — all with an agenda and an axe to grind. He says if you polled the people of Egypt today, the majority would support Mubarak. He says that the backbone of Egypt — the business owners, small business community, and middle class — still supports Mubarak and the military. They are horrified by the mobs in the street and are shocked at Obama's tepid response to the riots and the one-sided portrayal of the situation by the U.S. media.

My friend asked a simple but powerful question [sic]: "If several hundred thousand people rioted on the streets of New York and demanded Obama be removed, would that represent all of America's three hundred million citizens? Would the media report this meant the end of the Obama regime?"

No. And yes.

Failing Down

It didn't take Tina Brown long to flush Mickey Kaus at Newsweek, but the hairless hack has bobbed up again at The Daily Choler:

Kaus was also the co-founder of the long-running "Conventional Wisdom Watch" at Newsweek. He will join Daily Caller veteran Jim Treacher, author of the sites [sic] Daily Trawler.

Turns out Tucker Carlson had more change in his couch cushions than Joe Farah and Lucianne Goldberg. Still, I give it two weeks before Tucker shoves Kaus into the path of an SUV to generate traffic.

It was just four months ago that Kaus was pretending to be thrilled about Newsweek's pity hire:

"I'm very happy to be at Newsweek, a great magazine filled with talented people and friends with whom I've worked twice before," Kaus said in a statement. "I look forward to mixing it up in the coming debates during a difficult time for the country."

I can't imagine why Newsweek didn't consider Kaus's incessant but sporadic whining about immigrants and unions to be internet gold. I can imagine why failed legacy Tucker Faye Carlson does.

P.S. Tucker Faye calls Kaus "one of the funniest people blogging in English." And Tucker Faye knows funny.

Huckleberry Tries Out His Teabag Kneepads

Huckleberry Cracker reveals himself through his ignorance:

According to the Jerusalem Post, Huckabee addressed the controversial issue surrounding the disputed West Bank, saying, "It is inconceivable in many ways that we would have to even argue and debate whether or not Israelis could live in Israel, not just in parts of Israel but anywhere in Israel they wished to live."

"I cannot imagine as an American being told that I could not live in certain places in America because I was Christian, or because I was white, or because I spoke English."

I'm sure you can't, you cracker bigot.

L. Brent Bozell, Victim of Pro-Gay Bullying

They are not celebrating diversity. They are intimidating dissidents.

You're the Aung San Suu Kyi of the Dish Network, el-Brent.

It gets better, Brent. Just not for you.

The Crushing of Dissent

Paul Mirengoff made some intemperate remarks about a Native American prayer at the Tuscon memorial, but then, upon reflection, conscientiously and humbly apologized for his remarks. In so doing, Paul reminded us that we're all imperfect and that we can all learn from our mistakes. Regretably, Paul has been punished for his candor. In a terse post dated January 28, Paul states:

I have made the decision to discontinue blogging at this time. I thank John and Scott for bringing me along on this ride and I thank our readers as well. I couldn't have hoped for better writing partners or for better readers. Best regards to all.

What are we to make of this bizarre "resignation" post? If the statement had been videotaped, would we see Paul reciting it in a monotone while his left eye blinked Morse code? I'd like to think that his partners Assrocket and Johnson did not force Paul out because he refused to toe the wingnut line of religous intolerance and bigotry. But they have not returned Paul's thanks, at least in print.

Paul, if you're reading this, I invite you to guest post at Roger Ailes at any time. Your opinions will not be censored here, even if I disagree with them. Let's show people that we can disagree without me crushing your skull metaphorically and taking your share of the Blogads money.

Update (1/30): Commenters are suggesting that Paul's decision to stop blogging is the result of pressure from the law firm in which Paul is a partner, a possibility which never occurred to me. Surely if that was the case, the conservative blogosphere would offer a full-throated defense of Paul -- calls for a boycott of Paul's lefty law firm, creation of a "Big Law Firm" or "Big AB [American Bar]" website to expose hostility toward conservatives in the legal services industry. Would the admittedly fearless John Hinderaker and Scott Johnson sit quietly by while their pal Paul was silenced by P.C. LLP? Of course, only Paul can answer that question, and I'm ready to host him when he's ready to speak.

Scandalous

From the New York Daily News:

The National Enquirer is reporting that Sarah Palin's husband, Todd, is embroiled in a sex scandal involving an extramarital affair with a massage therapist who has been "busted for prostitution."

The Enquirer claims it has unearthed official documents showing 36-year-old Shailey Tripp was arrested for maintaining a house of prostitution in March and that cops have confiscated physical evidence that could tie Todd to the alleged affair.

The tabloid did not disclose when the alleged rendezvous took place or what evidence was seized by police.

The Palins, who have previously been dogged by cheating allegations in 2008 and 2009 and have vehemently denied each and every accusation, though they have not commented on the Enquirer story.

Incredible. What kind of newspaper would publish an ungrammatical sentence like that last one?

Fun With Straw Polls

A straw poll of Republican Party bigwigs and muckety-mucks in the Granite State shows that Willard Romney has bought 35 percent of them.

A full 11 percent support former racist newsletter publisher and lunatic Ron Paul. Eight percent support future punchline Tim Pawlenty, and seven percent support GOPtomom/circus freak Sarah Palin. Newt Gingrich is circling the drain with Mike Huckabee and Mitch Daniels at three percent.

Conditions have never looked so favorable for Fred Thompson.

Self-Knowledge, Thy Name Is Not Whitman

Sources say Whitman in the last months has sought a detailed explanation regarding what went wrong in her resounding defeat by Brown.

The latest press release:

MSNBC ANNOUNCES FURTHER PROGRAM CHANGES

NEW YORK – January 22, 2011 – Starting Monday, January 24, 'The Rachel Maddow Show' will be replaced with 'Evening Joe,' hosted by Independent Democrat Joseph I. Lieberman.

'Joe Lieberman will continue this network's tradition of bringing independent progressive voices to cable news,' said Phil Griffin, President of MSNBC. Since his days as frequent guest on 'Imus in the Morning,' Joe has delighted MSNBC's base with his irreverent humor and common-sense approach to foreign policy. In his last election, Joe ranked #2 among Democrats A25-54 and #1 with all voters A85-104. Until Sen. Lieberman's term expires in 2012, MSNBC contributor Patrick J. Buchanan will fill in when the host is performing his official duties.

Also starting Monday, MSNBC is replacing 'The Ed Show' with 'Chris Hansen's Pedo-Political Roundtable,' the network's first joint venture with the website Politico.

{GOLF CLAP]

Why Is Fox News Dissing The Powertools?

Even after Powertool Paul Mirengoff's sincere refudiation of his ill-conceived attack on Native Americans, Fox News continues to promote Mirengoff's original rant. No mention is made of Mirengoff's recantation, or his law firm's apology; there is only a link to the deleted Powertools post. I would have referenced the recantation, but Fox News has disabled comments.

I call on Fox News to report on, and link to, Mirengoff's apology, in the interest of fairness and balance.

Junior High School Elects Class Treasurer

"And if Obama brings a gun to the fight, we'll challenge him to a match of extreme croquet."