Tuesday, August 19, 2003

And They Call Cruz Bustamante "The Next Governor"

In a recent column, Suzanne Fields claims that Jews call Arnold Schwarzenegger "the golem." When did this happen?

Writes Fields:

Jews, for example, call Arnold the "golem." The golem was a large robot, a mythological figure forged of clay in the Middle Ages. He was programmed to do whatever the rabbi who created him wanted him to do for the benefit of the Jews, but the robot-like invention would occasionally run amok and turn not only on his creator but on the Jews he was created to defend.
True, Arnold S. is a slow-witted dolt without a soul, but I think goyim is the world Suzanne is looking for.

A New Blog Which Deserves A Look

MWO has tipped Felonious Elephant, although actually I came across it independently. It looks very promising.

I also ran across Nader Watch logging into Blogger. It's less than a day old, so the jury's still out on this one.

Monday, August 18, 2003

Rectum? -- I Nearly Made 'Im A Best-Selling Author

I don't want to overestimate the influence, or the audience, of this blog, but Dr. Jensen's Guide to Better Bowel Care: A Complete Program for Tissue Cleansing Through Bowel Management has risen nearly 500 spaces on Amazon.com's sales rankings since I first referenced the tome just five days ago. (And the book's been around for 5 years already.)

Roger readers have the cleanest colons in the blogosphere.

Where's How-do?

It would be irresponsible to speculate as to where Howie "Conflict of Interest" Kurtz went when he went "away," or why.

Or, as Nooners would say, "It would be irresponsible not to."

Any thoughts?

Y Donnie Kan't Read

As the Washington Post lurches rightward, the paper's standards also decline. Witness:

Blair Aid Reveals Debate Over Iraq Threat

The only thing saving the Post from becoming the joke of D.C. daily journalism is the Moonie Times.


Sunday, August 17, 2003

I'm Not That Interested

The liberal New York Times has a Sunday magazine spread with Britney Spears wearing $14,000 dresses and showing some cleavage and thigh. (Warning: Links contain photographs of Britney Spears' cleavage and thigh.)

As you read this, Brent Bozell and Michelle Malkin are preparing their outrage. No doubt the right will see this celebration of extreme materialism and consumerism as "anti-family" or some such rubbish. At least Britney has found a medium which downplays all of her shortcomings.

If Governor "Teminator" Schwarzenegger runs the State of California like he runs his movie career, we're all fucked. Of course, Arnold made money on all of the projects; it was just everyone else who lost their investments.

On the other hand, Cruz Bustamante never starred in a money-losing film.

A thousand thanks to the Horse for its recent plug. (Scroll down to find the mention.)

And thanks to everyone who reads this blog.

Bossie's Latest Cow Pies

Steven den Beste has a serious challenger for his Bad Op-ed Writing title: David Bossie. Witness the witless Bossie putting crap to paper, in the pages of the Moonie Times:

Even President Bush's postwar efforts, a subject that has pushed shrill, hypocritical vitriol to new heights, has [sic] accomplished much over three short months.

There is nothing new about the U.S. military successfully occupying foreign countries, beginning with the original Axis of Evil � Germany, Japan and Italy, and decades later, Korea, Haiti and Bosnia. But, there were failures as well, most notably Beirut and Somalia, where occupying American soldiers were slaughtered, forcing humiliating U.S. retreats. It's no coincidence both of those incidents occurred in Middle Eastern cultures [sic] dominated by Islamic majorities.

We have won the war and freed the Iraqi people, but now we must put an Arab face on rebuilding Iraq. Only then will our latest mission be successful and return our soldiers from harm's way.

How can one man have such a masterful command of the English language, geography and world politics?

And here's the capper:

And, finally, if the Iraqi public is ever to hear anything approaching truth, the anti-American propaganda that dominates the airwaves and newspapers throughout the Middle East must be drowned out. We can and should provide the means, support and professional expertise for a free and open Iraqi press. TV, newspapers and radio owned and operated by Arabs for Arabs providing accurate news and fair and balanced commentary is essential to Iraq's future, as well as the speedy withdrawal of American military forces.

Yes, Iraq needs a free and open Arab-owned press, one which reports what we decide is accurate, to drown out the current Arab-owned press. And it should be fair and balanced, so that it can be sued by Rupert Murdoch for trademark infringement.

But Can Bill Shout "Shut Up" and "Cut Her Mic" With A Boner?

Mary Carey, 26, a pornographic actress and erotic dancer whose professional name exploits her resemblance to the pop singer Mariah Carey, paused while putting on her frilly costume for a show at the Gold Club in Sacramento to say that, indeed, she was very aware of how serious this all was. That's why she decided to run for governor, for heaven's sake.

....

Some of the more colorful fringe candidates were also getting as much airtime as they could handle. Ms. Carey visited, among others, Bill O'Reilly. "I'm sure he just wanted to have me on so he could make fun of me," she said. "But I don't care. I can hold my own." -- New York Times, August 16

Undoubtedly Bill was holding his own as well.

Death of A Terrorist

Idi Amin, who killed tens of thousands of Ugandans in the 1970s, died yesterday at age 80. Not surprisingly, he was living in Saudi Arabia, friend to terrorists and Bushes alike.

Saturday, August 16, 2003

A Short Intermission

Due to unforeseen events, Roger Ailes will be away until Monday. In the meantime, please enjoy the fine blogs to the immediate right until then. They are fair and balanced, to a blog.

Update (8/17): I'm back early. Unlike Howie "the Putz" Kurtz, I don't have Karl Rove's permission to take off the whole month of August.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

On the editorial page of tomorrow's Washington Post: Can't See In The Dark? -- a whimsical look at all of the Americans killed and injured during the blackout on the East Coast. And how it's all Al Gore's fault.

Important Announcement

As of noon today, Pacific Coast Time, Roger Ailes will no longer practice the rituals of Unitarianism. I will still identify myself as a Unitarian for purposes of claiming income tax credits and avoiding jury duty, but otherwise my identifying with that half-assed entity and its dreadful little adherents is finito.

Frankly, I'm not getting enough strokes from my fellow Unitards. Most of them just ignore my invaluable contributions to the spiritual and cultural life of this country, and a couple of them made some nasty cracks about those spread-eagle pictures taken of me by Alan Colmes. Except for me, all Unitarians are cold, unfeeling subhumans who should only exist to validate my existence.

To be honest, I am really jealous of all my Jewish friends, who don't have to memorize the names of all the apostles and control the media, banking and the entertainment industry. They use the name God to refer to God, which makes it easy to follow, and God loves them all truly, madly, deeply (unlike Christians, who irk him to no end).

Fiber And Balance

Sadly, Al Franken has slipped to No. 3 on the Amazon.com bestsellers list.

Appropriately, however, Dr. Jensen's Guide to Better Bowel Care: A Complete Program for Tissue Cleansing Through Bowel Management is outranking Roger Ailes' You Are The Message by about 18,000 places.

Arnold/Sipple: Sounds Like That Pig On Green Acres

Joe Conason has more on Arnold's adviser, Don Sipple, including Sipple's financial ties to Chuck Quackenbush, the disgraced former California Insurance Commissioner. More non-whore journalists need to pummel Arnold on the company he keeps.

Joe's article raises an interesting question: Where do voters find out who's funding the recall candidates and their campaigns? I can't find anything on the California Secretary of State's site addressing campaign finance disclosures. Does the short election period preclude effective disclosure of the special interests who are bankrolling the candidates?

p.s. -- You may want to purchase a copy of Joe Conason's Big Lies at your local bookseller or online (through someone such as Jim Capozzola or Atrios). I intend to buy Joe's book as soon as possible, based solely on the quality of Conason's (and Gene Lyons') The Hunting of The President.

Arnie's Army

Who's behind Arnold S.? The American Prospect reports that

the movie star's high-priced uber-consultants George Gorton and Don Sipple have grabbed the baton in the recall race, eager to take it the last mile to the state capitol.

And who is Don Sipple? Well, according to a published opinion of a California appellate court, one of Mr. Sipple's ex-wives had this to say:

Regina testified that appellant beat her numerous times during the last two years of her four-year marriage. For instance, once when she came home late from work, as soon as the friend she drove home with left, appellant grabbed her by the back of the neck and ground her face into the carpet. Another time, appellant hit her for no reason when she woke up in the morning; and on another occasion, he knocked her down, then kicked her. Once, he grabbed her by the hair, yanked her head back and slapped her. On a vacation to Lake Tahoe with their young son Evan, appellant became angry because Evan�s diaper was dirty. He then beat Regina. Throughout their marriage, appellant was suspicious and jealous without reason. When she danced with Missouri Governor Christopher �Kit� Bond at one of the governor�s mansion parties, appellant became jealous and hit her afterward. Regina was so fearful of appellant�s violence and temper that she finally fled the house without his knowledge, leaving a note behind.

And, according to a second ex-wife:

Deborah testified that she argued with appellant several times about his making Regina�s situation so difficult by failing to send Regina her child support payments in a timely manner. Deborah stated that during her marriage to appellant, he struck Deborah, physically abused her on more than one occasion, hit her in public and accused her of things that were not true. She testified that she was afraid of appellant, and that �[n]o matter what he said about me later, no matter what he�ll say about me after this, [I left] because I was hit.� She said that she was accused of infidelity throughout her relationship with appellant, but that she had never had an affair during the time she was married to him. She testified that she did not raise the allegations of abuse during her divorce proceedings because she wanted the most expeditious way out, she was embarrassed and afraid, and did not want to admit to herself what had happened.

Sipple denies the allegations.

The 1999 appellate court opinion also lists "Governor George W. Bush of Texas" as one of Sipple's clients. (In fairness to Bush, the Prospect reports that Sipple worked for Bush during his 1994 re-election, apparently before the abuse allegations became well-known in 1997.)

The Fox News All-Stars

Meet the dream team of Faux lawyers who filed Faux's suit against Al Franken: Dori Ann "Gray" Hanswirth, Katherine M. Bolger, and Tracey Tiska (not pictured) of Hogan & Hartson, LLP.

Dori Ann is a long-time Faux mouthpiece who also represented the ethical Star tabloid (on a Jon Benet story, no less!) and the balanced and fair National Enquirer.

Hogan & Hartson proudly boasts that its "Legislative Practice" was ranked fifth among the top-grossing D.C. lobbying practices by Influence magazine.

(Suit link via Talk Left.)

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

He'll Be Cack

If you thought Arnold S. was ill-informed now, wait 'til these jokers get through with him.

Other prominent economic figures who are talking with Mr. Schwarzenegger about a role in the campaign include Steve Forbes, Larry Kudlow, Art Laffer and Steve Moore of the Club for Growth.

What, Donald Luskin and Carlton Sheets were too busy to help? On the other hand, Larry K. should be able to help Arnie stay awake during those all-night Assembly sessions.

Letters to Roger

Reader Stuart Shiffman e-mails the following comments about my comparison of Arnold S. and Jesse Ventura:

Like many others you make comparisons between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura that come off as an oblique attack on both. I find Arnold interesting only because he shows once again the shallowness of the media when it comes to covering politics. But I have a serious issue to raise with you and others about Jesse Ventura.

Let me preface my comments with this statement. I am not from Minnesota and did not live there during his tenure in office. I am from Illinois, a state with its own history. Yes, Jesse said and did some outrageous things. But I have never seen nor read a serious discussion of his 4 years as Governor. Minnesota did not go deeply into debt during his term. Schools did not close, government services did no go away. There is no evidence that I am aware of that Jesse was anything other than a typical state bureaucrat governor who had fights with his legislature. Why do people continue to point to Jesse as some bad example when 49 other governors are available for criticism?

Spelling It Out For You

Operation Ivy Lightning. Or, if you prefer the acronym: OIL.

(From the WP, via J.T..)

It's Funny Because They're Dead

While we laugh at the heat-related deaths in France, let's all enjoy a hearty chuckle at all the folks who God killed because their governor was an incompetent fuckwit.

Officials at the Houston Department of Health and Human Services say thirty-eight heat-related deaths were reported in Harris County last summer. During the summers of 1998 and 1999, there were 23 and 20 heat deaths, respectively.

And that's just one county. Anyway, most of them were old and weak and couldn't afford air conditioning, unlike the governor's life-deserving pals.

Laugh it up, dickwads.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

"Fox's 8-inch-thick complaint, filed in New York State Supreme Court in Manhattan, didn't mince words when it came to describing the former "Saturday Night Live" regular, whose 1996 book, "Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot" was a best seller (and drew no lawsuit from Limbaugh)." -- Minneapolis Star-Tribune

Overcompensating, Rog?

Franken: 1

Ailes: 21,196




The Cost of War

It's more expensive for some than others.

Within minutes of the arrival of President Bush - less than two months after a land mine ripped into Rozelle's right foot - the Army officer looked up from the tarmac, put out his hand and stood tall.

[Capt. David] Rozelle said the president told him, "Captain Rozelle, you will be back on your feet in no time, and in fact I'll go running with you soon. I'm going to find you and we're going to go on a run - just don't get faster than a seven-minute mile."

...

On June 21, Rozelle and his men from the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment based at Fort Carson rolled through the Iraqi town of Hit, where they were assigned to train new police officers. After his Humvee was destroyed by the land mine, Rozelle was taken to Baghdad, where doctors amputated his foot.

Good luck to Captain Rozelle and his family.

(Thanks to mw for the link.)

You know, when even Little Mick and Instapundit are bashing Roger Ailes and the Faux News Channel, albeit in a weak-kneed, suck-up kind of way, some of the thrill is gone. All I can say guys is, what took you so long?

Clarification

Someone has written and asked me to delete the following sentence from this post:

"Ms. Vance went on to describe the thong and see-through bra she had planned to wear to Karlpalooza."
The reason for the request was that Ms. Vance did not speak those words. I would have thought that even Howard Kurtz would understand sarcasm and ridicule, and that the statement was not meant to be taken literally. Even a bunch of old hags would get the gag. My homeslice Douglas Cunningham got it. But, stand-up guy that I am, I will agree to the request, by adding the following:

"The foregoing constitutes sarcasm and ridicule. Ms. Vance did not say she intended to wear anything to Karlpalooza."

Monday, August 11, 2003

Remedial English, NewsMax Style

Somehow, it's just so appropriate.

Men On Film

Arnaud "The Spike" de Borchgrave seems to think that the Arab world hates America because gay Hollywood directors made movies which portray the CIA and Pentagon as international killers. Or something. It's really hard to tell. Here's part of what Arnaud has to say:

Surfing one evening at 10:45 p.m., this reporter came across two naked males, going all the way. After all, heterosexual couples answering the call of Kama are now almost standard fair (sic).
Uh, sure, Arnaud. Just don't forget to rewind.

99.9 Percent of Donald Rumsfeld's Statistics Are Made Up

Wyeth Wire has two devastating posts on the empty rhetoric of Donald Rumsfeld and Condoleezza Rice.

Roger's Mail Sack

Roger's Baghdad correspondent, A Friend, reports that Bush administration claims of ties between Saddam Hussein's regime and international terrorism are entirely false:

HELLO

I want you to patiently read this my offer and make up your mind whether you will accept it or not. I will not be able to disclose my name for security reasons. Iwork with the World Health Organisation. We were sent to Iraq for medical research. During the research we came across the sum of $10.5 million us dollars believed to have been looted by the late sons of SADDAM HUSSEIN, Qusay and Uday Hussein. I and my colleagues decided to keep this
money to ourselves and to assist the families of those soldiers who lost their lives fighting for justice. For security reasons we thought it is wise not to bank this funds in our name.The funds are currently deposited in a security company through diplomatic means in Europe under a non existing name and a security code.I want you to assist me to claim this money. If you will be interested, all you will have to do is to travel to the country in Europe. I will give you the name and the secret code with which the fund is deposited and you do a change of ownership
so that you will be eligible to collect the fund on our behalf which makes you the beneficiary of the consignment. I will give you 20% of the fund for this assistance.I will provide a classified clearance paper to show that the US$10.5million dollars is neither terrorist nor drug related. Kindly respond to my proposal, I am expecting your fax or mail response. I will later give you a secure telephone number when I get your response because I am always travelling around. I want to assure you that there is no risk attached in this deal. Till I hear from you.

My busy schedule precludes me from taking Mr. Friend up on his offer, but if anyone wants to get in touch I can forward his e-mail address to you.

Welcome, Doug Cunningham Readers!

Thanks to Doug Cunningham for mentioning this blog in his column for the Orange County, New York Times Herald-Record. Mr. C reports that Young Republican Karl Brabanec, featured in this earlier Roger post, is no longer employed by Orange County.

For all you first time visitors: Welcome! Please feel free to comment, criticize, or e-mail me. Your feedback is always welcome. And in case it isn't blindingly obvious from reading any of the entries here (or in case you're Howie Kurtz), this blog is not written by, or in any way related to, the Roger Ailes who is Chairman and CEO of the Fox News Channel and the newest honorary member of the Congressional Black Caucus. We all have our crosses to bear.

Also note: Due to strong language of an adult nature, reader discretion is advised.

Sunday, August 10, 2003

Worst ... E-Mail Survey ... Ever

Jesse at Pandagon.net has responded to a e-mail survey asking left bloggers to identify the Worst Americans Ever. I got the same e-mail and planned on responding, but the e-mail said that I had to respond before midnight the same day, so I was too late. (Plus, if you're asking someone for a favor, is it really a good idea to put such a short deadline on it?)

Anyway, I would have listed at least six of the same men as Jesse; probably more Confederates and less assassains. Plus, Bush, to piss off the wingnuts, and Mickey Kaus, just for the hell of it. And the guy who sent me the e-mail.

The question is kind of vague. Are we being asked for the most evil people who happen to be Americans, or the Americans who have done the most damage to America? Sure, Ted Bundy killed more people than Pat Robertson, as far as anyone knows, but Ted didn't have much of an impact on the country beyond the personal tragedies he caused.

Seriously, why is any Californian even considering voting for Arnold Schwarzenegger? Do we need the State of Minnesota to come out and do an intervention?
It's Official! Atrios confirms that Don Novello, aka Father Guido Sarducci and Lazlo Toth, is running as a Democrat in California governor's race. Sounds like good p.r. for his new book, if nothing else.

So who will be the first wingnut to accuse the Democratic party of tolerating "anti-Catholic hate crimes" based on Novello's party affiliation?

Elections, literature -- What's the difference? We'll steal whatever we want

The A.P. reports on Katherine Harris's continued adventures in pilfering.

Security guards and Harris' staff confiscated literature handed out by opponents that included the drug plan's details and a chart of Harris' voting record since she began her term in January....

Connie M. McKee, a Harris staffer, said Congressional ethics rules made it illegal for people to distribute political information during a town hall meeting.

"All of the material is still here, and they can pick it up when they leave," McKee said. "They just can't take it into the hall. The ethics laws do not allow us to let them take it in. We have to be very, very careful that there are no laws broken."

But Harris distributed her literature to attendees. One flyer detailed how Bush's economic plans are restoring confidence and creating growth through fiscal discipline. Another highlighted the many benefits of Medicare reforms passed in June.

Hmm.... the people attending aren't members of Congress, yet they're subject to Congressional ethics rules? A town hall meeting where freedom of speech is prohibited. "Jeb" Bush's Florida isn't a swamp, it's a sewer.

Saturday, August 09, 2003

Sadly, No! reports that Rush Limbaugh has been telling his listeners that Saddam was trying to buy nukes from three African countries other than Niger. It's doubtful that Rush's entire audience can name three African countries.

A Full Frontal Loebotomy

Steno Sue's co-hack, Vernon Loeb, is in deep deep denial:

Loeb dismisses accusations that the military used his paper as an organ for propaganda. "I don't think we were spun at all," he says. "I don't think the Pentagon ever set out to make Jessica Lynch a poster child for battlefield heroism."
Let's go to the record:

"Pfc. Jessica Lynch, rescued Tuesday from an Iraqi hospital, fought fiercely and shot several enemy soldiers after Iraqi forces ambushed the Army's 507th Ordnance Maintenance Company, firing her weapon until she ran out of ammunition, U.S. officials said yesterday.

"Lynch, a 19-year-old supply clerk, continued firing at the Iraqis even after she sustained multiple gunshot wounds and watched several other soldiers in her unit die around her in fighting March 23, one official said. The ambush took place after a 507th convoy, supporting the advancing 3rd Infantry Division, took a wrong turn near the southern city of Nasiriyah.

"'She was fighting to the death,' the official said. 'She did not want to be taken alive.'"

Oh, so sorry, Steno Vern. Thanks for playing our game. Turn in those reporter's credentials and head directly to the Weekly Standard to pick up your presidential kneepads.

And here's Loeb's editor with a quick-and-easy recipie on how to get around that lame multiple sources rule:

But [Loeb] and Post Managing Editor Steve Coll say they have no reason to doubt that their April 3 story accurately reflected the information contained in those reports--even if the reports had inaccuracies. "We had multiple sources because multiple people were reading the same intelligence report," Coll says.

"Uh... I need another source.... Could you hand the phone to someone else and have them say the exact same thing? Thanks muchly!"

You Can Still Write My Name In

There are 125 people on the ballot for the October 7, 2003 recall election in California. Unfortunately, Roger Ailes fell just $3,500 and 65 signatures short of making the ballot, denying the people of California the opportunity to be the first to elect a blog to statewide office.

Here's the the full list of second choices.

Interestingly, Insurance Commissioner John Garmendi is not on the list. Bill Simon is. What I want to know -- is Donald A. Novello of Marin the same one who portrays Father Guido Sarducci?

Howie Knows His Audience

Conflict-of-interest Kurtz identifies his readership base:

Re: City Paper: Shouldn't parodies or ficticious interviews be labeled as such? What's the Post's policy on this? (I'm thinking of Hank Stuever's column on William Hanna, for example, where he "interviewed" cartoon characters.)

Howard Kurtz: There's no "policy," except that a parody not labeled as such should be obvious to anyone with a sixth-grade education....

That's Howie, always looking out for his fans. But most people who've made it past middle school already know Kurtz is a joke.

Thursday, August 07, 2003

Several of this blog's betters have been invited to attend a Blogging Conference at a little-known technical college in Cambridge, MA. They've also been invited to pony up $500.00 for the privilege of attending. Not suprisingly, the popular R.V.S.P. includes an invitation for the sponsors to deny gravity while directing the contents of their bladders along a vertical length of rope.

But the self-important twaddle of the conference's sponsors is worth a few laughs. Watch as they plan their conference out loud:

Sessions

...

Politics -- Christopher Lydon


Ideas: Glenn Reynolds, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Walter Cronkite, Click and Clack, Democratic Presidential candidates.


Aired live on WGBH?

A roundtable featuring a right-wing professor, two former progressive Presidents who have been vilified by said wingnut, Walter Cronkite, Click and Clack and the Democratic presidential candidates -- and they'll talk about blogs! Fucking brilliant! I can't believe anyone hasn't thought of this before.

And of course the local public radio station will want to cover it live. They'd be crazy not to.

Outstanding questions

Invitation only? Yes.


Is the name really BloggerCon? Yes it is


Blog for BC? Yes, of course.


Friday evening speakers dinner, Harvard Faculty Club?


Sunday brunch, super-invite only.


Sunday birds of feather meetings at Berkman offices.

Will you need a second mortgage if you want one of those super-invites?

Here's my suggestion for the keynote address: Which Came First: Blogging Conferences and Supercilious Twats?

Brent Bozell, Bulimic

"And I want to vomit." -- L. Brent Bozell

Don't try giving this man any fashion tips, boys -- He'll spew all over you! And that goes double for trying to have "raw, perverted homosexual sex" with him!

Update: Spew-boy is at again! Someone get a bucket.

The Santa Monica Swingers' Club

Slate's Mickey Kaus, is fascinated by the sexual life of his fellow Santa Monican, Arnold S.:

If you were Arnold Schwarzenegger and were preparing, by your own admission, to combat womanizing rumors, would it be a good idea to describe your wife as "the greatest wife in the world ... a fantastic partner"? [Emphasis on wildly unromantic word added.] ... Just asking! ... -- From Mickey Kaus's How to Satisfy Your Woman In Bed Every Time

Frankly, I don't see how describing your wife as anything would combat womanizing rumors. But then I'm not the ladies' man that Little Mick is.

Just moments after Roger Ailes announced its candidacy for governor of the Golden State (see above), a tearful Darrell Issa withdrew from the race. Issa spent $1.7 million to buy the recall -- That's the biggest amount of money down the crapper since Ben Affleck went birthday shopping for Jennifer Lopez. I'd be bawling too.

On Today's Jerry: Fun With Subtraction

If you thought all of Jerry Springer's viewers were innumerate, think again:

CAPE MAY COURT HOUSE, N.J., Aug. 5 � Paul Alexander�s 15 minutes of fame have turned into a year in prison. Alexander bragged on television that he dumped his girlfriend while a guest on �The Jerry Springer Show.�

AFTER RECEIVING a tip, Cape May County prosecutors watched as Alexander and his 22-year-old girlfriend spoke of their 7-year-old child.

Authorities did the math and determined that the couple�s sexual relationship began when the woman was 13, according to prosecutor Marian Ragusa.

I bet Alexander hates it when all the other inmates chant "Jerry! Jerry!"

Death of A Dream

The free Bay Area weekly East Bay Express has gotten Gary Coleman to run for Governor of California. Apparently Coleman had to sign some papers before a notary in order for the Express to put his name on the ballot.

So much for my plan. It woulda' been brilliant.

RE-ELECT REAGAN GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA

Oh well.

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

This, on the other hand, is incredibly pornographic.

Don't Tell Fred Barnes

Pornographer and future California governor Larry Flynt has a link on his website to Dubya's Dayly Diary. I'm no fan of Flynt, but he's got good taste in websites (other than his own).

(Note: Flynt link is not a porno link. So bite me, Barnes.)

Fun With The FEC

A couple of weeks ago, TAPPED pointed out that the Federal Elections Commission has a database of individual contributions to federal election candidates and national political parties and PACS. Some purely random searches include the following:

DRUDGE, MATT
MIAMI BEACH, FL 33141


RNC REPUBLICAN NATIONAL STATE ELECTIONS COMMITTEE
01/31/2001 2358.00 ...

Total Soft Money: 2358.00

RUMSFELD, DONALD MR.
CHICAGO, IL 60611
GENERAL INSTRUMENT CORPORATION


BRADLEY, BILL
VIA BILL BRADLEY FOR PRESIDENT INC
08/16/1999 1000.00....

MURDOCH, RUPERT
LOS ANGELES, CA 90035
NEWS CORPORATION


SANTORUM, RICHARD J
VIA SANTORUM 2000
05/24/1999 1000.00 ...

MURDOCH, RUPERT
NEW YORK, NY 10036
NEW CORPORATION


KERRY, JOHN F
VIA KERRY COMMITTEE
03/29/2001 1000.00 ...
12/17/2001 1000.00 ...

MURDOCH, RUPERT
NEW YORK, NY 10036
NEWS AMERICA


SPECTER, ARLEN
VIA CITIZENS FOR ARLEN SPECTER
03/18/1997 1000.00 ...

MURDOCH, RUPERT R
LOS ANGELES, CA 90035
THE NEWS CORPORATION


GRAHAM, BOB
VIA FRIENDS OF BOB GRAHAM COMMITTEE
02/04/1997 1000.00 ....


Recall-O-Matic

An interesting turn of events in the California Governor's recall election. Unfunny, reactionary prop comic Gallagher is tossing his floppy hat into the ring.

Comedian Leo Gallagher is a definite in -- if he can get eight more signatures before Saturday's filing deadline.

"I want to highlight issues and say things that I know the other folks who are invested in political parties won't say,'' said the 57-year-old entertainer, who goes by the name 'Gallagher' and is perhaps best known for his sledgehammer-wielding, watermelon-smashing routines."

If elected, Gallagher's first official act will be the execution of rivals Cartottop, Rip Taylor and the Amazing Jonathan.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Congratulations to blogger Mark A. R. Kleiman. His article on Chuck Colson's bogus claim of success with faith-based and taxpayer funded prison rehabilitation is online at Slate.com. Mark reports that Chuck is guilty of "creaming," that is, selective interpretation of data to reach a desired result. Frankly, I don't care whether the programs work or not; giving or withholding any state benefit based on religious beliefs -- or the willingness to undergo religious indoctrination -- is wrong.

Is Kaus Dating Himself?

What's the story with Kaus? On Sunday night, I noted that Kaus hadn't blogged anything since Wednesday. Now he's got entries for last Sunday, Saturday, Friday and Thursday. Did anyone see those entries? Did I just forget to refresh my browser? If these items were actually posted on Sunday night, aren't the dates and times listed deceptive? And can we demand Jacob Weisberg's resignation?

Crusin' With The Oldies

TBogg has the details on the National Review's Panama Canal cruise. Hey, didn't we lease the canal to the ChiComs during the Clinton Administration?

On a ship with L. Brent Bozell and a bunch of doughy, rapidly aging baby-faced men. Save yourself $2,196.50 and rent a Cuba Gooding movie instead.

Sunday, August 03, 2003

The Road To Well-Deserved Irrelevancy

And then there's Snitch. He's taken the "con" side of the great national debate, "was Bob Hope funny?"

Quick, then�what is your favorite Bob Hope gag? It wouldn't take you long if I challenged you on Milton Berle, or Woody Allen, or John Cleese, or even (for the older customers) Lenny Bruce or Mort Sahl.

Oh, yeah, the Mort Sahl gags just come tripping off my tongue. I was quoting Uncle Miltie just yesterday.

And there's this:

Poor Vincent Canby was really up against it in last Tuesday's New York Times, which awarded him acres of space to celebrate the passing of a national laff-meister. Canby, who died three years ago, must have been glad he wouldn't live to see his Hope obituary in print.

Somehow I doubt Vincent Canby was praying that he would die before Bob Hope.

And this:

There were many cringe-making references last week to Hope's doggedness in entertaining the brave boys overseas. I have met more than one veteran who says that those USO concerts were the last straw.

Meaning what? They deserted? Surrendered to the enemy? Torched a village?

Hope's passing means there's a vacancy for Hitch to fill, entertaining the troops in Iraq. The contact high alone would keep a division happy for weeks.

Mickey Kaus is really earning that 50 to 100 K he reportedly pulls down at Slate. It's now Sunday, August 3, 2003, at approximately 9:30 PM, Pacific Time. Kaus last "Updated" Kausfiles at "Wednesday, July 30, 2003, at 12:31 AM PT." (He hasn't updated the lame Gearbox in a month.) I guess he's waiting until the "Beeblogger" writes something new.

Let's watch and see if Kaus backdates his next entry.

I tuned in C-SPAN for the author of the Prescott Bush book, but the station was showing some other author on Presidents' children. The Paglia re-run is coming up, but I don't think I'm that masochistic.

Am I Lott or Not?

Apparently some internet weisenheimers are having some fun at John R. Lott's expense. And Lott's none too happy about it:

Notice: I have found websites, particularly �askjohnlott.org�, that are pretending to be run be me. They are not. At first glance, it may be hard to tell that it is not my site. The only sites I control are this and johnlott.org. Anything else is an impersonation and is trying to misleaded people about my views.

I hate it when websites pretend. Especially when they try to misleaded people. Ooohhh, that yanks my chain!

For the record, Roger Ailes is wholeheartedly opposed to internet impersonations.

Damn Liberal Media

The New York Times Magazine has a major profile on University of Chicago economist Steven Levitt and doesn't once mention that he's rabidly anti-gun.

Will Glenn and Glenda blast the Times?

Update: Not surprisingly, Tim Lambert beat me to the punch.

Saturday, August 02, 2003

Loozer-Palooza

From the party that brought you Chris Sibeni, here's Karl Brabenec, raison d'etre for the sadly still-born Karlpalooza '03.

The Orange County, New York Young Republican was to be feted at a 24th birthday party, dubbed Karlpalooza, to be held during the YR Convention in Boston in July 2003. The party was promoted on a flier circulated in Boston as involving "lots of beer, liquor and sex." The flier also included a counterintuitive request that Young Republicanettes "wear as little clothing as possible."

Regrettably, the blue-noses in the New York State Young Republicans got advance word of Tailhook 2003 and shut down the bash before Karl could get his freak on.

Subsequently, the flier made its way back to bucolic Orange County, putting Brabenec's county patronage job in jeopardy. Master B. denied he had prior knowledge of the flier, which he called "completely unacceptable and in bad taste."

Being familiar with the veracity of balding, oily Republicans named Karl, the Times-Record Herald investigated:

While Brabenec called the planned bash � to mark his 24th birthday � a "surprise," the event has been listed on the Young Republicans Web site for weeks with instructions to "call Karl" at his home number in Slate Hill.

And others who attended the convention in Boston, including former state Young Republicans Chairman Steve Neuhaus of Chester, said Brabenec was standing with Karalis and fellow YR member Joseph M. Petriello as they passed the party invitations among the crowd at Boston's posh Park Plaza hotel.

Hmm.... Asked for further comment, Karl demurred:

"I have no more comment," Brabenec said. "You have my statement."

The Orange County Young Republicans website, as linked by the OC Republican Committee, has also fallen silent. So has Karl's personal website, which has "moved servers."

Who is Young Master Brabenec? Was he one of the bourgeois rioters of Electiontheft 2000?:

Karl is a very caring individual and is always there to lend a helping hand. He went down to Florida last year for the whole presidential election fiasco and I know that he recently went down to volunteer at the World Trade Center site.

We know he's good at P.E., and a major ass-kisser.

Orange County Executive Edward Diana has hired Karl Brabenec, who last year ran for and lost the legislative seat Diana once held. Brabenec, 23, started last week as a staff assistant. The gig pays $38,789 a year....

"I've known Karl a long time," Diana said. "He was a student of mine at Minisink Valley High School. I feel he's highly qualified to serve in our office."

"He was my high school gym teacher," Brabenec said of Diana, a retired educator. "He inspired me as a teacher. He's sort of a role model for me."

And all the young hotties love him.

A few, like Orange County Young Republican Treasurer Laura Vance, who called the Times Herald-Record and a WTBQ talk show yesterday, came to Brabenec's defense. Vance said most of the criticism had come from political rivals, and she brushed off the Republican Women's comments.

"They're a bunch of old hags, and I'll tell them that to their face," Vance said. "I'm a woman, and I don't feel offended. The party never even went on. It's unfair to make a big deal of something back home that happened on someone's vacation."

Ms. Vance went on to describe the thong and see-through bra she had planned to wear to Karlpalooza. WARNING: The foregoing constitutes sarcasm and ridicule. Ms. Vance did not say she intended to wear anything to Karlpalooza.

Meanwhile, party-oriented Young Republicans of Orange County will have to make do with sex-free events like the $150.00 a plate "Brunch on the River" for Brabenec's boss. And Karl will have to make do with the stack of Glamours at his mom's house.

Friday, August 01, 2003

VCR Alert

Coming Sunday on BookTV (C-SPAN 2):

On Sunday, August 3rd our In Depth guest will be Camille Paglia. Ms. Paglia is a social critic, political commentator, professor, and essayist. She is the author of four books: "Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Emily Dickinson," "Sex, Art & American Culture," "Vamps & Tramps," and "The Birds." Camille Paglia will take your phone calls for 3 hours beginning at noon eastern time. You can also e-mail your question for Ms. Paglia to booktv@c-span.org.

And, as an added bonus, Sunday, 11 p.m. Eastern:

"Duty, Honor, Country: The Life and Legacy of Prescott Bush"

Perle Scam

Defense Policy Board chairman Dick Perle isn't waiting for a share of oil revenues; he wants to be paid now. The neo-con chickenhawk has figured out how to make the New Imperialism both fun and profitable, according to The Nation.

During and after his chairmanship, Perle used his insider status to demand fees for appearances on a number of foreign broadcasts, which included British, Canadian, Japanese and South Korean television. While paying interviewees is common practice in some countries, a number of media outlets made exceptions for Perle. "We did pay Perle because of his position [in a] prominent advisorship to the Secretary of Defense," says a European correspondent who, like most journalists interviewed, requested anonymity because of network discomfort at publicly discussing payment policies. Fees ranged from under $100 to $900--minor sums to someone like Perle, but federal regulations covering officials in his capacity make no distinctions based on amount.

Wow. Shouldn't David Frum be spanking Dicky P. right about now?

Perle's response to the story was drafted by one Chris Hitchens:

The suggestion that being paid for work I do is somehow an abuse of my role as a member of a government advisory board is the sort of slander I expect from The Nation which, since the collapse of regard for the vision of its founders, and the paucity of ideas to replace it, has been reduced to impugning the character of those whose ideas have prevailed over yours.

Advantage: The Nation. After all, it got Perle to respond for free.

Thursday, July 31, 2003

Asses In America

Michelle Malkin, the beardless, non-artery-clogged L. Brent Bozell for the new millenium, sniffs out the ass-crack baring phenomenon that all the kids are wild for.

On the right, asses should be heard and not seen.

Kauspiles

Los Angeles Magazine's puffer on Little Bobby Kaus is online. There's just so much that's so wrong about this piece. I guess when a writer characterizes Kaus as a "liberal iconoclast," and starts out "WHAT'S UP WITH SNARKY? That only sounds like a new teen movie," you know you're getting a blowfile and not a serious examination of Kaus's dubious claim that he's left of his pal Lucianne. To be fair, if you ever wondered what Mini-Mick looks like in purple lipstick, this is the article for you.

Neither A Writer Norah Scholar

Jim Capozzola's sorely outmatched nemesis, Norah Vincent, is the latest wingnut to take a swing at Ann Coulter.

"Nothing could encapsulate more perfectly the mood of the country than the string of hellfire polemics that have been selling at an alarming rate � the worst of them being Michael Moore's 'Stupid White Men' and Ann Coulter's new 'Treason.' They are mirror images of each other, representing the hyperbolic far left and the hysterical far right, respectively. Coulter's book is so extreme it's kicking up a rumpus even among my fellow right-of-center commentators, who have condemned it as dangerous, a historical [sic] nonsense."

It's not clear Vincent's actually read the book. She merely cites criticism of it by the likes of Sully and Crazy Davey, and gives no concrete examples of Treason's craptitude. If the self-righteous brothers hate it, that's good enough for her. At least she's willing to go out on a limb and say that not all liberals are anti-American traitors. That's mighty right of you, Nor.

Actually, the best part of Norah's column is this correction, published today alongside Norah's column in the three-dimensional version of the Times, but well-hidden online:

Ratification � In a July 17 Norah Vincent column, it was incorrectly stated that amending the U.S. Constitution requires a vote of two-thirds of the states for ratification. In fact, three-fourths of the states must ratify proposed amendments.

"It was incorrectly stated." Hey, how the hell did that get in my column!?! I demand an investigation!

Maybe Norah's beef with Ann is really just a friendly rivalry between equally qualified constitutional scholars.

Hey, Poindexter, Don't Let The Giant Eyeball Hit You In The Ass On The Way Out!

Good news. Johnny "Fresh Meat" Poindexter is an unemployed co-conspirator once again.

"While Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld did not personally dismiss Admiral Poindexter, the defense official said, Mr. Rumsfeld agreed that the admiral's credibility was shot and it was time for him to go."

Am I having a flashback? Poindy's credibility was shot long before the first time Dubya quit drinking.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Snooze You Can Lose

Imagine the worst of NPR and the worst of Slate that's not Mickey Kaus. That's Day to Day. Wedding budgets ... Cell phones ... Alex Chadwick in a Los Angeles park ... Rewarmed Slate tripe about phone psychics. Mush ... drivel ... pablum ... You'll almost miss Talk of the Nation.

Those enjoying the foregoing Salon article (in the previous post) might enjoy this photo of the affable Chris Sibeni. The sub-literate quality of the related website will clear up any mystery as to why NYU thought Mr. Sibeni an unqualified candidate.

Update: Missing link to the missing link restored.

Tom "Bug Chaser" DeLay thinks he saw a flying monkey:

To gauge how "out of touch" the Democrats are, DeLay instructed, "close your eyes and try to imagine Ted Kennedy landing that Navy jet." The crowd chuckled obligingly.

Now try to imagine Bush landing it. Now imagine the resulting carnage.

The All-Time Stratego Champion Writes Again

The last semi-literate screed from unemployed phone repairman and Barc-O-Lounger Bismark Steven den Beste was so popular that Wall Street Journal Online has given denny B. another shot.

Some of my favorite pearls of wisdom from the Krispy-Kreme Clausewitz.

Steven goes out on a limb:

There's another year and a half in Mr. Bush's current term, and by the end of it, the process will either be a complete shambles or else it will clearly be on the road to success, and I think it's unlikely to be a shambles.
On what "many in Europe said" going into World War II:
Going into World War II, many in Europe said that Americans used to be willing to fight back in the days of Lincoln but had become decadent and soft. History proves otherwise, of course.

On the historic day in 1995 when American forces withdrew from the occupied territories:

We stuck with the occupations of Germany and Japan for 50 years. I feel confident we'll stick with this, too.

On Steven's need for a laxative:

As combat started, I felt enormous pressure and worry, for the people involved. But on another level I felt a great deal of relief. Once we actually began the invasion, certain political issues became faits accomplis.
On having to videotape Dragonball Z during the early stages of the war:
But when the issues are sufficiently important to us, we'll still make major sacrifices.

On Steven's humble origins:

Mistakes will get made...

(Link via Joe C.)

George H.W. Bush, Family Man

Like father, like son. According to Sharon Bush, Neil "Bangkok John" Bush has learned a thing or two from his dad's time with the Company:

"[Sharon Bush] wonders whether Neil, 48, was unfaithful to her throughout their marriage as he has admitted he was at the end. She wonders whether Neil is the father of the baby born to Maria Andrews, the 40-year-old Houston woman he is dating. Sharon wonders why he used e-mail to tell her he was leaving and why he told her by phone months later, 'You better move on with your life or you'll find yourself in a back alley.'"

A pal of Neil's denies the allegations.

But not all the of Bush men have lost interest in Sharon:

"At one point, Sharon says, she tried to talk to her former father-in-law, and he changed the subject. "He said, 'Come and see the new hot tub.'"

The Tolerance Of The G.O.P.

Darrell "Slim Jim" Issa fires a warning shot across the bow of his Republican rivals:

As for her husband, who came out of the closet after their divorce, Rep. Darrell Issa's campaign manager, Scott Taylor, took this shot in the Los Angeles Times:

"'I just have the feeling voters aren't going to embrace the first bisexual gubernatorial candidate,' Taylor said. Minutes later, Issa's communications director, Jonathan Wilcox, said Taylor's remark about Huffington had been 'reckless.'

I hope Arnold will weigh in on this particularly slimy attack.

Monday, July 28, 2003

You Dick

Did you ever want to be a political analyst but thought you had nothing intelligent to say? Don't let that stop you:

MATTHEWS: Time now for the Political Buzz.

Dick Armey is the former House majority leader and is now an MSNBC political analyst. Katrina Vanden Heuvel is editor of �The Nation.� And John Fund is with OpinionJournal.com. ...

Up front, today the Democratic National Committee placed a full page ad in �The New York Times,� urging citizens to sign a petition demanding an investigation into how those infamous 16 words made it into the president�s State of the Union address.

The ad reads, in part, �America took President Bush at his word, but now we find out that it wasn�t true.�

....

RICHARD ARMEY, FORMER HOUSE MAJORITY LEADER: Well, first of all, they�re spending a lot of dough on what I would call mighty thin gruel.

But secondly, they�ve blown their cover. They�ve just put an ad in �The New York Times� and said this is all about politics now. It�s all about campaigns. And this is our motive, this is our interest, this is our desire.

Can you imagine standing there two blocks away from Ground Zero in New York City and reading that ad, how impressed you�re going to be with the Democrat Party? (Emphasis added.)

Armey isn't that stupid. He just thinks you are.

The flag that can never be desecrated enough.

My sentiments exactly.

He'll Be Back

"Arnold spent the weekend continuing his due diligence regarding a possible run. He has made no decision at this time. He will continue to weigh the pros and cons with his family and will continue to seek the counsel of supporters and colleagues." -- Reuters, July 28

Yes, the former dope-smoking, muscle-headed Austrian is consulting with his freakish, misshapen-headed wife and... uh ... do they have any children ... it seems like a physical impossibility ... as part of his due diligence. Arnold wouldn't know what due diligence was if someone injected it into him between his toes.

Sunday, July 27, 2003

An Up and Coming Hack

Speaking of Bugs Malkin, she's really hit her stride as an irrational hack.

In her July 18th column (which seems a whole lot like this Reason column of almost one year ago), Malkin bashes the New York Times Corporation for purchasing land obtained by New York State under the state's power of eminent domain. But if the owners of the property did not receive just compensation for the property seized, it's the State of New York and not the the Times Corporation she should be bashing. The Times Corp. can't condemn or seize anything, nor can it set the compensation paid to the original owners.

And Malkin barely mentions the City of Arlington's use of eminent domain to give Bush Jnr and his pals land for the Texas Rangers' stadium (and extra land to resell). In fact, she only mentions that deal to bash the NYT for a running a Kristof column condemning it.

Either both Geo. Bush and the Times Corp. are "evil," "greedy leech[es]" "conspir[ing]" to commit "legalized theft" and screw private landowners for personal gain, or neither one is. But you can't have it both ways, Malkin.

And, in another promising bit of hackery, Malkin blasts the Secret Service for seeking to question wing-nut cartoonist Michael Ramirez, who drew a panel featuring a character pointing a gun to Bush's head. After all, Malkin says, it's not like Mikey "was some left-wing homeless crackpot who had sent President Bush an anthrax-laced death threat." In Malkin's vacant skull, the only death threats worth investigating are those from "left-wing ... crackpots." I guess that's because left-wingers are so smart that even the homeless, mentally-ill ones are capable of manufacturing anthrax from the baskets of their shopping carts.

W--gn-t H--k

From Michelle Malkin's latest column in "Capitalism Magazine":

"c--ks----r"

You'll never get Vanna's job, Michelle, unless you learn the rules of the game.

Dog Bites Newspaper

Dirty Dick Morris on the New York Times:

"I think many Americans must share my feelings today: To see it fall into the hands of propagandists, after so many years of dignity and balance, is like watching your father get drunk."

Or maybe like watching your father spend thousands of dollars to lick the toejam from a prostitute's feet and be made to bark like a dog.

Department of Corrections

There was a time when the New York Times could get away with its conservative lies and distortions. Thanks to Roger Ailes, that time has passed:

"An article last Sunday about the author Ann Coulter and her emergence as a major conservative voice in television, radio and newspaper interviews misstated her age. She is 41, not 39."

Indeed.

Saturday, July 26, 2003

Go Read Jesse Taylor

You can thank me later.

Same Card, Different Dick Deck

Hey, that scumbag messiah of wing-nut media is claiming to be the Ten of Diamonds. I am the one and only Ten of Diamonds in the wing-nut deck, you tax-cheating foreign wack-job!

Get your own fucking card, you wannabe loser!

(Thanks to mw.)

The Creepiest Place On Earth

Those who criticize the Disney Corp. for holding Gay Days at its facilities might want to worry a little more about the heterosexuals who frequent the parks. Witness the fractured fairy tale one Dick Baker, "King" of the Community Christian School in Largo, Florida.

The middle school-age girls told police they had been to Disney with Baker 20 times, 30 or 40 times. One girl said she had been 81 times. Sometimes they shared a room with him, but not a bed. Sometimes Baker, 52, was the only adult on the trip. He slept in Disney pajamas, one girl said.

There was no need to bring a swimsuit - Baker had a bag full of Disney suits that the girls could choose from so everyone would match. Detectives learned that he gave them matching dresses and took pictures of them wearing Tinkerbell and other costumes, complete with wands and crowns.

As the article points out, Disney Dick hasn't been charged with any crime. But I doubt he'll be asked to be Grand Marshall again.

(Thanks to a reader for the tip.)

Bennett Lied, Casinos Thrived

Or, The Death of Phony Outrage

The last nail has been driven into the super-sized coffin of William J. Bennett, and the dirt has been tamped down. Not even Bennett's pal Pumpkinhead Russert can resurrect the public career of the two-faced blowhard.

Here's Morals Fuhrer Bennett two months ago, denying large gambling losses:

"Over 10 years, I'd say I've come out pretty close to even."

And here's Bennett now:

"...William Bennett rejects reports that he lost $8 million at casinos over 10 years but acknowledged it was 'a lot of money.' ....

'It was a high level, was a lot of money," he said, and "counting up, has made a difference in our lives.'"

Don't worry, Bill. We never believed you anyway.

But while Bennett has given up gambling, he hasn't given up lying. Says Bill:

"'I'm not a hypocrite,' he said. 'I never got on the soapbox about gambling.'"

Oh, but you are hypocrite, big man.

"Our Founding Fathers understood that America would flourish when its citizens cherished certain ideals. Love of liberty and equality. Attention to the formation of good character. Respect for honesty. Faith. Pride in good work. These are principles that make America great."

"Though all children need to learn some of the same things (the importance of friendship or honesty, for instance), the fact remains that all children are different."

"Every social activity, every human enterprise requiring people to act in concert, is impeded when people aren't honest with one another."

"He has contempt for the truth and for the meaning of words....This remark was truly a Clintonism, a term that may well enter our popular vocabulary, meaning "to tell a fantastic lie in public, accompanied by the appearance of heartfelt sincerity."

I could go on and on and on, but you get the drift. To Billy B., the only real virtue is not getting caught.

Bill will end his career in obscurity, filing Michael Savage's weekend slot on MSNBC.

The Moonie Times Catechism

This is one of the things I hate about the Moonie Times. This article about the Senate Judiciary Committee vote on the Pryor nomination is factually accurate, as far as reporting on what was said during the hearing. But the lead paragraph doesn't contain a single true syllable:

A judicial confirmation hearing yesterday turned into a rancorous debate between Democrats and Republicans over whether it's possible for a devout Catholic to be confirmed to the federal bench.

The debate was about the Republicans' smear of Democratic members as anti-Catholic. Not one Senator spoke for or against the proposition that "it's possible for a devout Catholic to be confirmed to the federal bench." As the Democrats pointed out, it was Whorrin' Hatch who brought up Pryor's religious beliefs. I have no doubt that Hatch brought up the matter in order to appeal to right-wing Catholics, and also to shield Pryor from inquiry into his radical political and legal views.

The sentence is also a lie because, as Senator Richard Durbin, points out, Pryor is a true "cafeteria Catholic." Pryor opposes Church doctrine on the death penalty, and only follows doctrine when it concurs with his political positions.

But it's up to the Catholics to excommunicate Pryor; it's the Senate's job to reject his nomination.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

Education Reform with John Lott

John Lott, Jnr says that teachers should be allowed to carry concealed guns on school property, to protect their charges from those who would do them harm. Which begs the question -- why can't the kids pack heat too?

There's no exception in the Second Amendment for the under-sixteens. Sixth-graders who want to bring weapons to school to kill their classmates won't be deterred by school rules prohibiting them from carrying guns, so why should law-abiding pupils be denied the right to defend themselves? Bullying will be a thing of the past, or at least diminish rapidly. And, without the right to even the odds, the kids will just be sitting ducks for any wackjob teacher who wants to pop a cap in their asses.

I'm sick of scholars like John Lott who interpret the Constitution as a "living document" in order to deny our most vulnerable citizens their constitutional rights.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

The Old Cracker Barrel

Wesley Pruden, demonic spawn of racists and editor of the Moonie Times equates criticism of the Confederacy with "insult[ing] ... Southern whites"

"Then he [Kweisi Mfume] added a mocking insult of Southern whites, no longer welcome in what was only yesterday the party of (Thomas) Jefferson and (Andrew) Jackson: 'Your political capital is the equivalent of Confederate dollars.'"

Sorry, Klan-boy. The last two elected U.S. Presidents were Southern white Democrats. The only Southern whites not welcome in the Democratic party are you and your fellow racists.

NAACP = PLO

So says discredited Moonie Times writer Bill Sammon, in an opinion piece the Father's rag is passing off as a straight news story:

"President Bush's upcoming meeting with the Urban League, coupled with his snubbing of more-militant black groups, mirrors his outreach to moderate Palestinians while ignoring Yasser Arafat."
Yes, I realize that last post is essentially pointless.... "here's something you should see, but unfortunately you can't see it."

But you should read Mad Kane and Felbers' links anyway.

Madeleine Begun Kane, humorist and blogger, writes that she was invited to a forum on the 2004 Presidential Election sponsored by The Week magazine. The featured guests were Sid Blumenthal and Gary Hart (and Ed Rollins and Monica Crowley). Adam Felber was also in attendance. My invitation and first-class airline ticket were, I assume, lost in the mail.

Nevertheless, I caught a few minutes of the panel on C-SPAN. It was kind of a strange set up, with Harold "Mr. Tina Evans" Brown and the four panelists sitting on stools and sort of shoved into a corner. Sid and Gary ably represented truth and justice. Unfortunately, I can't find it in C-SPAN's (very limited) archives, but it was definitely worth viewing.

Catholic Smear

Here's the wingnut Catholic crowd using its religious beliefs to smear non-Catholics, hell, anyone who disagrees with them:

The ads -- probably the toughest so far in the Senate's battle over President Bush's judicial nominations -- accuse "some in the U.S. Senate," apparently meaning Democrats, of opposing the appeals court nomination of Alabama Attorney General William H. Pryor Jr. because he is a devout Catholic.

The ads are being run by the Committee for Justice -- founded by C. Boyden Gray, a White House counsel in the administration of President George H.W. Bush, to help rally support for judicial nominees -- and the Ave Maria List, an organization of lay Catholics that works for the election of antiabortion candidates to Congress.

Apparently the wingnut Bible excludes the false witness bit.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Cap Weinberger: A Reassessment

Roger Ailes is a sensitive blog, and maybe it's been too hard on ol' Cappy Weinberger. After all, if he says that Saddam Hussein had "huge deposits" of WMDs, well, who would know better?

Regnery author and prolific wingnut Kenneth R. Timmerman lays out his case for Weinberger's knowledge of Saddam's arsenal:

Mr. Weinberger's ire over Pollard also had personal overtones. It was Mr. Weinberger who was the strongest promoter within the Reagan administration of the intelligence exchange between America and Iraq, which began as early as 1983, when the State Department removed Iraq from the list of terrorist nations. Besides providing the Israelis with satellite photographs of Iraqi weapons sites, Pollard says he also gave them evidence of the transfer to Iraq of U.S.-manufactured weapons -- a leak that made Mr. Weinberger furious, since he was the official who would have had to approve such a covert transfer.

Clearly, significant damage to national security was caused by the Reagan-era intelligence cooperation with Iraq. Western technology went toward improving Iraq's SCUD-B missiles that helped kill American soldiers and Israeli citizens during the war. U.S. intelligence techniques helped the Iraqis preserve strategic capabilities from Allied air strikes -- and perhaps also from United Nations inspectors, who continue to accuse Iraq of hiding stockpiles of biological agents and chemical weapons production equipment.

Could that explain why Weinberger's so interested in finding Saddam's remains?

Of course, you don't have to believe a wingnut to acknowledge the Reagan Administration's willingness to do business with Saddam, up close and personal. If anyone would know what weapons Saddam had, it would be Saddam's generous buds in the Reagan Administration.

Bork Again

Slouching weirdbeard Bobby Bork must've really wanted tix to that Mel Gibson screening.

Republican judicial martyr Robert Bork has converted to Catholicism, according to U.S. News & World Report's Paul Bedard. The foiled Supreme Court nominee, now 76 and a scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, was baptized a Catholic by a conservative priest and Opus Dei member, C. John McCloskey, at the Catholic Information Center chapel on K Street. The former Protestant's sponsors were National Review pundit Kate O'Beirne and United Press International chief John O'Sullivan. "If you get baptized at my age, all of your sins are forgiven. And that's very helpful," Bork said.

Then he flagellated himself and showed Bob Novak some racy videos of himself and the wife.

(Edited per comments.)

The reviews are in:

"Eggs-traordinary! Egg-citing!" -- Matt Drudge (Drudge Report)

"Dolphingasmic!" -- Peggy Noonan (Wall Street Journal)

"God-damned foreigners! They'll never succeed if they don't learn English!" -- Linda Chavez (federal lawbreaker)

"Why wasn't I invited? I even kissed the ass of his Hitler-loving dad! I wonder...." -- Michael Medved (Parents Televison Council)

(Via Atrios.)

(Link corrected.)

Monday, July 21, 2003

Cartooning Made Simple

Try this one on for size, Mikey:

Bush, running down a street, screaming, covered in naplam, with an aircraft labeled "Truth" flying above.

Get it?

(Link via TBogg.)

Maybe He's Canadian

Read this.

Does it bear any resemblance to this: "But the unremitting loathing of the president in the prose, the sneers at anything he might say, the contempt for him that oozes out of every sentence."

Is Sully on crack?

Box of Rocks

Word on the street is that some publication called LA Magazine has a puffer on Mickey Kaus. I've never heard of the rag, so I don't know if it specializes in plastic surgery ads or escort ads. It surely can't be a respected publication if it wastes space profiling the author of this:

Slate's annual retreat is this weekend. They are probably going to try to make us think outside the box again, when all I want to do is curl up inside the box and go to sleep. ... Inside the box is the new outside the box!

Try thinking outside your ass, Kaus.

Sunday, July 20, 2003

Lies of the Times

Well, I see Bill Keller hasn't done much to improve the accuracy of the New York Times:

"Ms. Coulter, 39...."

I can't wait to read the correction.

Cap Weinberger Proves The Existence Of Santa Claus

The pardoned Iran-Contra conspirator writes, in the Wall Street Journal:

"That we have not yet located huge deposits of weapons of mass destruction does not mean they do not or did not exist. After all, we have not yet found Saddam Hussein or his remains--but not even Democratic presidential candidates or the New York Times contend that he did not exist."

(Link via Sadly, No.)

Grand Old Police Blotter: The Ballad of Reading Crap Written in Gaol Edition

Perjurer and honorary Republican Lord Jeffrey Archer is being released from prison today, undoubtedly ready to inflict more of his shite novels on unsuspecting readers. Archer has already earned �10 million from the sale of his prison diaries, which fortunately don't contain any sex scenes. The Guardian reports:

Prisoner FF8282 has not been idle during his two years in jail. The disgraced Tory peer, author, fantasist and convicted liar also known as Jeffrey Archer has built up a fighting fund of investments stretching from a retail park in Cumbria to a luxury holiday complex in Majorca, an Observer investigation has discovered. When Archer is released from Hollesley Bay open prison in Suffolk tomorrow he will immediately tap into the �60 million fortune that has expanded in prison along with his waistline. The money will be used in the fight to clear his name, settle scores with old enemies and publicise his new favourite cause: prison reform.

Archer will make a short statement tomorrow before driving to his home in Grantchester, near Cambridge. It is likely to contain a strong expression of his commitment to prison reform following his first-hand experience. The Howard League for Penal Reform confirmed that Archer would be speaking at a conference held by the prison charity in September, if his parole conditions allow.

It appears Mary was unsuccessful in getting Lord Jeff a position in Iraq.

From "The White Man Unburdened"

The carrier was easily within helicopter range of San Diego but G.W. would not have been able to show himself in flight regalia, and so would not have been able to demonstrate how well he wore the uniform he had not honored. Jack Kennedy, a war hero, was always in civvies while he was commander in chief. So was General Eisenhower. George W. Bush, who might, if he had been entirely on his own, have made a world-class male model (since he never takes an awkward photograph), proceeded to tote the flight helmet and sport the flight suit. There he was for the photo-op looking like one more great guy among the great guys. Let us hope that our democracy will survive these nonstop foulings of the nest.

St. Andrew's Cross

Hey, Sully! Don't try that at home.

On second thought: Ah, go ahead.

Does this diminutive figure dressed up in military clothes remind you of anyone?

People aren't buying him either.