Important Announcement

As of noon today, Pacific Coast Time, Roger Ailes will no longer practice the rituals of Unitarianism. I will still identify myself as a Unitarian for purposes of claiming income tax credits and avoiding jury duty, but otherwise my identifying with that half-assed entity and its dreadful little adherents is finito.

Frankly, I'm not getting enough strokes from my fellow Unitards. Most of them just ignore my invaluable contributions to the spiritual and cultural life of this country, and a couple of them made some nasty cracks about those spread-eagle pictures taken of me by Alan Colmes. Except for me, all Unitarians are cold, unfeeling subhumans who should only exist to validate my existence.

To be honest, I am really jealous of all my Jewish friends, who don't have to memorize the names of all the apostles and control the media, banking and the entertainment industry. They use the name God to refer to God, which makes it easy to follow, and God loves them all truly, madly, deeply (unlike Christians, who irk him to no end).