Grand Old Police Blotter: Bass Fail Edition

A Very Important Person gets caught red-handed:

Prominent Washington PR agent David Bass is a suspect in the theft of two bottles of liquor from VIP hotspot Café Milano earlier this month, according to records obtained by the Washington Post.

D.C. police released a surveillance video which shows two men entering the Georgetown restaurant through the kitchen in the early morning hours of July 1 after it had closed for the night. One man is seen grabbing two bottles — one Grey Goose vodka, the other Campari — from behind the bar, while the other appears to act as the lookout.

At least a dozen acquaintances of Bass’s who have reviewed the footage say the second man is Bass, and records name him as a suspect.

A fixture on the Washington social scene, Bass, 49, is the president and CEO of communications firm Raptor Strategies and was deputy publisher of the Weekly Standard from 1997 to 2004.

The question is not whether Bass will sell Pruno to his fellow inmates, but whether he will be shunned after his release for the quality of his selections.

The Unflushable Mickey Kaus

The unemployable hack has been reduced to hat tipping Ace of Spades for links on how "leftists" don't work but just sit around and smoke dope.

It's not clear whether disability payments or trust funds are keeping Kaus alive at this point.  

Maybe he can send his clips to Donald Trump and offer his services as ambassador to white Los Angeles.

What's Going On

For only love can conquer hate.

Bill Kristol Starts "NotAllSlaveLabor" Hashtag

The Left's 21st century agenda: expunging every trace of respect, recognition or acknowledgment of Americans who fought for the Confederacy.

— Bill Kristol (@BillKristol) June 23, 2015

Always Low Racists

WalMart may have sold off its stock of Confederate flags (except those appearing on the Mississippi state flag), but it still has plenty of pro-Confederacy p.r. The second result on a search of "confederate" at WalMart.com is a book entitled "Confederate South Carolina." You'll not be surprised to learn that the book does not portray Confederate South Carolina as a shithole of barbarity, but rather as a land of pale heroes. 

From the amazon.com page for the book (because WalMart doesn't provide a description):

The Civil War never left South Carolina, from its beginning at Fort Sumter in 1861 through the destructive, harrowing days of Sherman's march through the state in 1865. Included here are the stories of Confederate civilians and soldiers who remained true to their cause throughout the perilous struggle. An English aristocrat risked his life to run the blockade and become one of the defenders of Charleston. The Haskells of Abbeville sent seven sons into Confederate service. Many South Carolina women made heart-rending sacrifices, including a disabled woman from Laurens County whose heroic efforts preserved Mount Vernon, the home of George Washington, from wartime ravages. Author Karen Stokes details the lives of men and women whose destinies intertwined with a tragic era in Palmetto State history.

No points for guessing what else these men and women have in common.

The author also writes Confederacy-era romance novels -- one involving a "shocking crime committed at [the hero's] plantation by enemy soldiers"  -- and a "non-fiction" book about how Sherman made life tough for certain Palmetto State civilians. She really doesn't like Sherman.

To be fair, WalMart.com also sells books about the Civil War that aren't crap, as well as a Confederate soldier's cap, a biography of Robert E. Lee for young readers which co-stars "Mammy, the Negro nurse," and a poster of Jefferson Davis' inaugural. 

WalMart -- and Amazon -- should continue to sell these books, even if most of their intended audience is illiterate, if only to document how delusional living neo-Confederates still are.

PoliticHo Hack Lacks Depth Perception, Brains

"AP photo shows a gun pointed at Ted Cruz’s head," screeches a PoliticHo hack.

Except for the facts that the photograph doesn't show a gun, and doesn't show anything pointed at Ted's head, that's exactly right.

PoliticHo's desperation for wingnut traffic continues apace.

Right now, Rick Santorum and Lindsey Graham are parsing Dylann Roof's online manifesto for anti-Christian sentiment.

Using their interpretation of Christianity, they won't find it.

Heritage OF Hate

Senator Lindsey Graham, whose parents ran a whites-only criminal establishment in the 1970s, says the Confederate flag is "who we are."

He is right about that, if nothing else.

Rand "Poodle" Paul Is A Honest As Your Average Wingnut Blogger

Buzzfeed lays out the not particularly shocking news that Rand Paul's ghostwriter exhaustively researched Paul's books in the comment sections of Free Republic and the e-mail forwards of your mentally unstable uncle.

One of many examples:

Then, Paul cites a fake Thomas Jefferson quote again to lead off the chapter “Living Everyday in Fear of Your Government.”

“When governments fear the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny,” Paul cites Jefferson as saying.

But again, the Thomas Jefferson Foundation notes they “have not found any evidence that Thomas Jefferson said or wrote” these remarks.

I suspect that Poodle Paul's books also didn't explore the contradictions between Tommy's rhetorical opposition to tyranny and his practices of enslavement and rape. Because of a little fact that Buzzfeed forgets to mention, namely, that Paul's literary collaborator, Jack Hunter, is a racist piece of shit.  For Paul and his pals, liberty is a whites-only proposition.

Wise Up, Crack Dealers

Read a few chapters of Ayn Rand, etch "Hayek" on your vials, and you too can become a libertarian martyr.

(Racial exceptions may apply.)

Be warned, though, you will not be considered as heroic as the scampish, teen-like and probably (for all we know, right?) ineffectual fanboys who innocently fantasize about the brutal deaths of public officials.  They're the real victims.

Rod Dreher Will Be Handling Snakes By The End of The Week. And It Won't Be A Euphemism This Time

Bad news for the Rodbotherer:

One of the strongest factors underlying views of same-sex marriage is religion, and the sense that homosexuality is in conflict with one’s religious beliefs. White evangelical Protestants stand out for their deep opposition to same-sex marriage: Just 27% favor allowing gays and lesbians to marry, while 70% oppose it (43% strongly oppose); by contrast, majorities of both Catholics (56%) and white mainline Protestants (62%) support same-sex marriage, along with an overwhelming majority (85%) of the religiously unaffiliated.

Rod's already practicing stigmata. 

Cobb Gobblers

Over at the racist New York Post, failed movie critic Kyle Smith proves that Ty Cobb was "framed" of the charge of racism:

In 1908, among many other brawls Cobb participated in, he ignored an order from a black man laying asphalt in Detroit to stop walking, then after the two argued, Cobb started a vicious fistfight and was overheard to use the N-word against the road paver.

The Georgia Peach was framed - framed, I tell ya!

Let Kyle explain:

Today that behavior would certainly brand you as a racist, but racial slurs were commonplace then, even published in the papers.

Even published in the papers then?  You're far too modest, Kyle.

Not wanting to oversell his ironclad defense of the Peach, Kyle graciously omitted the facts that rap lyrics contain the N-word and that Bob Byrd was in the Klan.

Piyushback

Piyush "Bobby" Jindal is using his official goobernutorial website like he's using every other perk of his office -- to run for President. Here, he takes on Randal "Ronsson" Paul:

Gov. Jindal: Senator Paul Unsuited to Be Commander-in-Chief

Today, Governor Jindal released the following statement after Senator Rand Paul commented this morning that ISIS exists because of hawkish foreign policy.

Governor Jindal said, "This is a perfect example of why Senator Paul is unsuited to be Commander-in-Chief. We have men and women in the military who are in the field trying to fight ISIS right now, and Senator Paul is taking the weakest, most liberal Democrat position.

It's one thing for Senator Paul to take an outlandish position as a Senator at Washington cocktail parties, but being Commander-in-Chief is an entirely different job. We should all be clear that evil and Radical Islam are at fault for the rise of ISIS, and people like President Obama and Hillary Clinton exacerbate it.

The "Washington cocktail parties" jab is a particularly nice, flop-sweaty touch. Jindal has even less of a chance at the G.O.P. nomination than Paul, albeit for the wrong reasons, and his latest appeal to cretins isn't going to increase his chances any.

This Just In: Mark Mayfield's Family Plans Lawsuit For Eleventh Straight Month

And oldie but a goodie:  Wingnut abets invasion of privacy, feels remorse about getting caught, kills himself; wingnut's survivors plan lawsuit.

Still no lawsuit.

Dulce et Decorum est

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.
Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori.

We're Only In It For The Money

The New York Times reports that John Scalzi has made a $3.4 million deal for his next thirteen books, while the guy who writes the "Diary of A Wimpy Kid" books earned $20 million last year.

Clearly I should have gone into publishing.

The Ends of the Natural Family

Truly I say unto you, before this night is over, Rod Dreher will deny Josh Duggar three times.

Rod and his pal Owen apparently believe that Josh Duggar is a victim of something, and want "to kick those who profited out of making this kid and his siblings into celebrities — starting with the Duggar parents." But the known abuse started well before the family were celebrities -- .or at least when their only celebrity was based on the father's status as a Republican state representative -- and when the children were homeschooled and their access to the corrupting media was controlled by the parents. In other words, the molestation started when the rapist not in any way famous and his worldview was the product of cultural influences (and only those influences) acceptable to Rod.

Rod may deny running "in the circles in which [Josh Duggar] is a star," but when he perceives danger to or doubt about his bigoted worldview, he screams and shouts exactly like Josh.

Sodom and Begorrah

Screamin' John Hawkins thinks they're stealing more than his Lucky Charms on the Emerald Isle.

From everything I’ve read going on in Ireland a lot of Irish politicians, those in a position of power were for same sex marriage. (sic) I doubt very highly this vote was as a result of Irish voters deciding out of the goodness of their hearts to be in favor of changing their constitution to allow same sex marriage.

I strongly assert an atmosphere of intimidation exists in Ireland to “get your mind right” on this issue if one wants to stay employed. People have lost their jobs in other countries in Europe for not supporting same sex marriage. That doesn’t sound like freedom of choice to me.

If you're looking for some confirmation of Hawkins' thesis, don't bother checking his blog, because he doesn't provide any. (No link to the gobshite.)

Apparently the 38 percent who voted "Nae" in today's election were on the dole, or independently wealthy, or self-employed, or just refused to drink the Shamrock Shake.  

Of course, since they have the secret ballot in Ireland, if the vote hadn't gone gay, everyone would have been out of a job on Monday.  Either that, or John Hawkins is just a twat.

Let He Who Has Not Slaughtered Dogs Cast The First Stone

Ted Nugent's wingman, Mike Huckabee, is now courting the right-wing pedophile vote:

Those who have enjoyed revealing this long ago sins [sic] in order to discredit the Duggar family have actually revealed their own insensitive bloodthirst, for there was no consideration of the fact that the victims wanted this to be left in the past and ultimately a judge had the information on file destroyed—not to protect Josh, but the innocent victims.

Really, Huckleberry?  You've spoken to the victims about this?  

I have no doubt that the rapist wanted this hushed up, and that the victims didn't want to be raped (a word Huckleberry never uses) in the first instance, but Huckleberry never provides any evidence of what the victims actually want.  

(The concept of a judge ordering public record of a crime "destroyed" is also troubling, assuming Huckleberry knows what the fuck he's talking about.) 

More importantly, what about people who may not want their children in the vicinity of a rapist?  Do we keep them in the dark too, as the rapist's family did, just because the rapist assures us he's been forgiven?

This is even worse:

No one needs to defend Josh’s actions as a teenager, but the fact that he confessed his sins to those he harmed, sought help, and has gone forward to live a responsible and circumspect life as an adult is testament to his family’s authenticity and humility.

The rapist "confessed his sins to those he harmed?"  Presumably, those he harmed already knew his "sins" as soon as they were raped by him.  The rapist calling his rapes "sin" doesn't change a thing.

Duggar's victims were victimized by Duggar, and no one else.  If Duggar and Huckabee believe they're the victims of bloodthirsty critics, they need to take a long look in the mirror, break the mirror with a rock and then find some productive use for the resulting shards of broken glass.

Teddy and the Cruzers

Wingnuts are bent out of shape by the fact that one of their own, Mark "Drudge rocks my cock" Halperin, asked Rafael "Ted" "El Castor" Cruz to speak a few words in Spanish.

That's just not right.

He should've asked Ted to speak in tongues.