Select Meets Dreck

Starting next week, the New York Times' "influential" op-ed columnists will only be available online to those who subscribe to TimesSelect for a $49.95 annual fee. (They should combine forces with BSafe.com for a package deal -- "keep teen masturbators off your computer and Nick Kristof on your computer for only $99.90 a year.")

It will be tough getting through the day without access to thought-provoking masterpieces like this:

I'm not suggesting that Mr. Roberts is a liar, or that anything the Democrats ask today could stop him from being confirmed. But they might at least keep TV viewers awake by trying questions like these: ....

Would you think it's cool if a professional wrestler dubbed himself Chief Justice, or would you sue him for trademark infringement?

...

When you were a clerk at the Supreme Court, Chief Justice Warren Burger was disliked for his pretentiousness. What nickname did the clerks have for him? Burger King?

...

Ashley or Mary-Kate?

If people pay for drivel like that, I might have to suss out a way to make money off my own drivel.

No more trips to Red Lobster with Bobo. No more fathead flat-earth metaphors from Tom Friedman. No more tours of Third World brothels with the Great White Pistof. No more glowing references to Tierney's neo-Klan pals. I already don't miss it.