Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Newt Gingrich has decided to one up Trent Lott. For Newt, Lott's fantasies about President Strom Thurmond lacked vision. Instead, Newt dreams of a victorious Robert E. Lee.

The Georgia adulterer has teamed up with some mass market paperpaper back wack job who wrote a series of novels about a time-travelling Civil War regiment that fights space aliens. Together, they've penned a neo-Confederate stroke novel in which the South prevails at Gettysburg:

The battle that, even before the guns fell silent, was the focal point of endless debate. As the years passed, it has become the great "what if," of American history.

"Gettysburg" unfolds an alternate path for General Robert E. Lee and his Army of Northern Virginia, the victory that "might have been" on the fields of that small Pennsylvania town. Full of dramatic battle scenes, military strategy, and captivating period details, Gettysburg stands as a remarkable entry in the pantheon of Civil War literature.

I shudder to think what perverted fantasies could have inspired Newt to write this work of literature. But it was smart to get someone else to write the battle scenes and strategy passages, since Newt is uniquely unqualified to opine on those subjects.

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