Welcome To The Lilly� White House

The first president Bush sat on the Lilly board in the late 1970's. The White House budget director, Mitchell E. Daniels Jr., is a former Lilly executive. The company's chairman and chief executive, Sidney Taurel, was appointed in June by President Bush to serve on a presidential council that will advise Mr. Bush on domestic security. [Para.] The White House, however, has said that it did not ask Congress for the provision.

Programme Note: Sunday December 1, 2002, BBC1 (10.15 pm, GMT) Jeffrey Archer: The Truth. Continuing the cheeky comedy-drama about the life of the fallen Tory peer, giving his alternative view of 40 years of British history. With Greta Scacchi and Damian Lewis. Contains sexual scenes.

Eeeewwww.

Programming Note: Sunday, December 1, 2002, CSPAN2 (12 noon, EST) Boy Story. Woody takes telephone calls about his bestest pal, Bush Lightweight, and flogs his latest novel.

Howie Kurtz proves my point: When you stoop to debate the fact that Fox News and the Washington Times use lies and smears in order to further their political goals, you look like a complete fucking idiot.

In his 11/29 column, Howie whines: "Let's say Gore is right, that conservative news outlets are trying to blacken the reputations of people like him. Doesn't complaining about it just sound like whining?"

You're supposed to be a reporter, fuckwad. Why don't you address the merits of the matter, instead of speculating about what Gore's analysis sounds like. Is truth irrelevant to you, Howie, if it "sounds like whining?"

Here's how a real reporter would do your job, Howie.

Correspondence between Chris Hitchens and Katha Pollitt on the motives and affiliations of those attending the recent anti-war protest in Washington D.C. Pollitt has the last word and, I think, the better point.

"As you well know, the sectarian left has had a hand in a great many noble causes, including the ones you still espouse. You told me a few years ago that you "signed everything that came across your desk" to keep Mumia Abu-Jamal from the death chamber. As you surely knew or should have known, Mumia was and is the cause c�l�bre of the Revolutionary Communist Party and its popular front organization, Refuse and Resist. Most if not all of those petitions and sign-on advertisements came from them. Did that make you their dupe, and the unwitting defender of the killers of Tiananmen Square? When you spoke at anti-Clinton rallies organized by freerepublic.com, did you care that this motley collection of racists, gun nuts, militiamen and conspiracy theorists opposed Clinton from the far, far loony right?"

Here's my two cents on the whole "Fair and Balanced" thing. Roger Ailes (the other one) doesn't believe it, he never believed it, and he knows that no one with an i.q. over room temperature believes it. There's no point in debating it. If you debate it, or complain about, or make any effort to refute it, then Ailes has already won, because you are conceding the possibility of something which is a bald-faced lie. It like debating a flat-earther or Holocaust denier. Hell, the fat fuck probably gets hard every time he hears someone complain about it. Just ignore the slogan, and blast the bastards every time they lie.

The Battle Hymn of The Crackers

Speaking of losers, C-SPAN2 is broadcasting a crackerfest from the Museum of the Confederacy. Some Southern ass named Jerry Russell speaks of honoring "American veterans on both sides of the war" (a paraphrase). Sorry, Jer, but your cracker cousins left the Union. They fought against the Americans, and killed Americans, just like the Germans and the Japanese and Al Qaida did. Simply put: Traitors. The fact that the United States reclaimed the southern States doesn't change that fact.

The Talking Dolphins Turn Ugly

"I have received not hundreds but thousands of the most personal and obscene denunciations; I have received death threats; I have been threatened with blackmail; I have been informed that I do not deserve to live." -- Peggy Noonan, recounting yet another interior dialogue

It's A Wonderful Life

Happy holidays to everyone. To celebrate the true spirit of the season, here's a heartwarming tale in the tradition of A Christmas Carol or The Gift of The Magi.

It was inspired by this Emmett Tyrrell piece on "born losers."

"Salvation appeared in the spring of 2000, when Conrad Black, the owner of The Daily Telegraph, The Sunday Telegraph, The (London) Spectator, Canada's National Post, and the Chicago Sun-Times, offered to help the Spectator.... [Para.] But Black wanted much in return. First, he asked for de facto control over the board of directors. Second, he wanted to demote Tyrrell, taking away his title of editor in chief and cutting his pay by 40 percent.

....'[Tyrrell] said without hesitation that he'd choose rejecting the proposal,' Eastland recalls. 'I asked why, and he said he had a bond with all of those who had taken on Clinton and fought for his impeachment, and that he was seen as a leader of the opposition, and that if he were demoted or marginalized, he would be letting down those who had followed him. He also said Clinton and those around him would notice what a terrible fate had befallen him and take great pleasure from it. In his view, they would be vindicated if that happened.'

"By summer the magazine was almost out of money. In August, [George] Gilder ... offered to buy the Spectator outright. With the magazine a few weeks away from missing a payroll, Tyrrell agreed. He had known Gilder for years; he told employees that the Spectator would still be about politics and culture, but would now take more notice of technology issues. Instead the magazine became something entirely new, virtually unrecognizable to readers of the old Spectator. Gilder would eventually close the office and fire everyone�except Tyrrell, who stayed on, with no control over the magazine he had run for thirty-three years.
....

"On Monday, July 16, when George Gilder's movers arrived at the Spectator's Arlington office, there wasn't much left to take. They packed up computers and a few pieces of furniture, but threw everything else into an enormous pile for the garbage men to pick up. They threw away original illustrations by Elliott Banfield. They threw away dozens of bound volumes of the Spectator's past issues. And they tossed the old papier-m�ch� Mencken, dressed in his original black suit, onto a pile of trash�to be discarded the next day, along with everything else."

I love that story.

(And the moral of the story is, don't bite the pimp that feeds you.)

Suckers Wanted: Crazy Davey's Latest Appeal

"To continue my Defense of Israel campaign, I need to raise another $110,000.00 in the next 30 days. Will you help support this campaign? I am looking for generous contributors who can give a tax-deductible gift of $25, $50, or $100. If you are in a position to give more, your gift will have a tremendous impact.

Who exactly is this stupid? And how do I get them to read this site?

Fahrenheit 4-69

Fortunately, it was one of those snake-handling denominations, so the transition wasn't that difficult.

Credit Where Credit Is Due

In this post, TAPPED credits me with "unearth[ing]" Reverend Sun Myung Moon's history of anti-American ravings. In fact, credit for the spadework must go to "mw," who pointed me in the direction of the link in the comment to this entry. I did give credit to mw here, in the post immediately preceding the one linked by TAPPED, which also linked to the same Americans United article.

This demonstrates once more that the readers of this site are much more well-informed than its author.

p.s. to TAPPED: The mention is greatly appreciated. (Also thanks to Atrios for his mention.) But I'm positive Andy won't get within a mile of the topic of Moon's anti-Americanism (or his anti-gay hatred).

The Last Castration of Chris

The neutering of Hitch is now complete. His summation on the elevation of Henry Kissinger to the head of the independent 9/11 investigation is this: "The shame of this, and the open contempt for the families of our victims, ought to be the cause of a storm of protest." This, at the end of a column with not one critical word, not one peep of protest, against the man -- Bush -- who gave Kissinger his commission.

Hitch uses the passive tone, the Nixonian "mistakes were made," throughout his commentary. "The shame of this." Whose shame? Hitch cannot bear to utter it. "The cynicism of the decision and the insult .... it represents...." A decision cannot create itself; it cannot act, cynically or otherwise. If Hitch believes what he says about Kissinger, the sentence could only read: "The cynicism of George W. Bush, and his gross insult to the families of the victims, is beneath contempt."

Or this: "the thought [of requiring full disclosure of Kissinger's clients] does not seem to have occurred to the president...." Didn't occur? Does Hitch really believe that Bush doesn't know who is on Kissinger's client list, particularly when Bush family pal Scowcroft is a Kissinger business partner? Only a fool -- or an abject apologist -- would believe such a thing.

Snitch is simply as weak as water. He has signed on as a holy warrior for the Bush crusade, and can now only grumble under his breath when he learns that his comrades-in-arms are war criminals and liars. He asks "can ... and the media be expected to swallow the appointment of a proven coverup artist, a discredited historian, a busted liar, and a man who is wanted in many jurisdictions for the vilest of offenses?" But he -- of the media, and in the media -- does not demand or even propose Kissinger's removal. Hitch has not only swallowed the appointment, he has washed it down obediently with a large glass of Victory Gin.

The Sound You Just Heard Was Hitch Shitting Himself

AP reports this morning that " President Bush signed legislation creating a new independent commission to investigate the Sept. 11 attacks today and named former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger to lead the panel."

We can be certain of the truth coming out now.

Bush insisted only a bipartisan group should be able to compel testimony and documents, fearing that one-party subpoenas would lead to ineffective finger-pointing and allow the panel to be used merely to score political points. [Para.] The 10-member commission will be evenly divided between Republican and Democratic appointees. As Bush demanded, the president will name the chairman and it will take at least six members, in most cases, to approve subpoenas.

Very certain.

Bush called on members to report back more quickly than 18 months, saying the nation needed to know quickly how it can avoid terror attacks in the future. "The sooner we have the commission's conclusions, the sooner we can act on them," Bush said.

But wasn't the Administration opposing this commission's creation for the past year? Yes. It's all in the article. I guess our need to know quickly is a relative thing.

As Snitchwell says, "[Americans] can either persist in averting their gaze from the egregious impunity enjoyed by a notorious war criminal and lawbreaker, or they can become seized by the exalted standards to which they continually hold everyone else." Well, at least we know where Bush stands on that one.

Roger Ailes Rated Number 1 By Democratic Underground

Thanks, guys!

Writing about Daschle v. Flush, celebrity impersonator and Clarence's stupider brother Cal Thomas writes:

Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr was a target of "shrill rhetoric " by much of the media and Democratic operatives during the Clinton years. Typical was that of Clinton advisor James Carville. In his book, "And the Horse He Rode in On: The People v. Kenneth Starr, " Carville wrote, "I don't like Ken Starr. I don't like one damn thing about him. I don't like his politics. I don't like his sanctimony. I don't like his self-piety. I don't like the people he runs with. I don't like his suck-up, spit-down view of the world, how he kisses up to the powerful and abuses the life out of regular people. "

Starr tells me he received a large number of death threats following such remarks. He refused to publicly whine about them, but neither the media nor Democratic politicians condemned them.

It's hard to tell from Cal's subliterate prose whether "them" refers to the death threats or the remarks.

If "them" refers to the death threats, it's hardly surprising that neither the media nor Dems condemned threats that weren't made public.

If "them" refers to criticism such as Carville's, then Cal's simply full of shit. Starr's co-conspirators, including Babbs Olson and Little Joe DiGenova, provided daily spin in efforts to justify Starr's power trip. Starr even had his own wife flacking for him. Not to mention his taxpayer- paid (Charles Bakaly and Jackie Bennett) and unpaid (Sue Schmidt and Spikey Isikoff) mouthpieces who were leaking and smearing Starr's critics non-stop.

As for Starr's allegations, I don't buy them for a second. Where's the proof -- such as convictions or even charges against the "many" people who allegedly threatened Starr?

Hate Crimes Up Against Muslims in 2001.

Don't tell Eric Alterman, but Iain Duncan Smith picked My City of Ruins as one of his Desert Island Discs.

Tort Reform In Action

Meet The New Boss

From The Daily Dish:

KULTURKAMPF And then there's the indictment of America on the grounds already laid out by Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson. We are a moral sewer. Sexual freedom, in particular, is anathema, as it is anathema to most political authoritarians. The way in which free human beings can explore their lives and identities in the private realm of sexual interaction is always threatening to tyrants. Orwell saw the attempt to kill love and sex as central to the totalitarian experiment. The Islamists are no exception. They make our religious scolds look like New Age therapists. What they would do to women who live sexual lives of their own choosing or gay men who do not live in fear or shame is obvious: we would be exterminated. Got that? That's why it's simply incredible to me that socially liberal Americans do not find this war to be of paramount concern. The theocratic right can at least agree with some of what bin Laden says. The following, for example, could easily have been said by Pat Robertson:

'America is the kingdom of extreme individualism, the kingdom of free sex. The country that represents Satan�s harvest is America. America doesn�t have anywhere to go now. [Homosexuals and] those who go after free sex [are] less than animals.'

If a domestic member of the Christian right had said this, the Left would be all over them. But when Islamists say it, we look the other way."

Wait.

What's that you say?

That's not bin Laden?

What th -- ?

Well, who said it then?

Oh.

Don't look the other way, Andy.

Moon-ty Python's Lying Circus

mw points us in the direction of an important article on the Religious Right's Sugar Daddy, the Rev. S. Moon. Here's a teaser:

"From there things took an even more bizarre turn. Moon went off on an explicit tangent about 'love organs,' comparing male genitalia to rattlesnakes and telling the crowd, 'If you misuse your love organ, you destroy your life, your nation, your world.' He added that most divorces can be blamed on women who don�t understand that their love organs belong to their husbands, not themselves."

More to come.

Little Mickey just did some sort of weird Footsteps Of The Messiah thing, retracing the travels of our pseudo-President, but in reverse. Without the open container, one hopes.

And Mini-Mick can't wait until someone invents "[f]ast food with a vegetable in it" that one can eat "messlessly" with one hand. Here's a hint, Einstein: French fries.

Almost five weeks and not a single hate e-mail. I feel so ... ineffectual.

On the other hand, blogs do make it easier to find idiocy like this: "Prediction: Cocaine will lose its luster, thanks to anthrax. Who wants to go snorting powder from a stranger into your lungs?"

Not to mention the idiocy of someone who would change the name of his weblog "War Log: World War III" to "Buzzmachine." Bored with your G.I. Joe already, Jeff?

Blogswallop

Or, what is the smell of one hand blogging?

Enjoy the unintentional comedy stylings of one Jeff Jarvis, failed writer for TV Guide. (Via Talking Points Memo.) This kind of self-congratulatory twaddle makes Babs Striesand sound positively self-effacing.

Blogs bring speed -- amazing speed -- to media. David Gallagher told a hilarious anecdote about finding a story he was reporting for the NY Times blogged even before he wrote it (Glenn Reynolds and Dave Winer both told the world they'd been interviewed).

So blogs are the place for breaking news. If, by news, you mean articles about self-obsessed webbloggers who can't shut up about themselves. I guess when you need the latest on bloggers blowing themselves, time is of the essence!

Meanwhile, I was talking with Nick Denton on IM and told him that Glenn Reynolds had quoted him a few times and plugged Nick's Gizmodo in his keynote. Nick said he knew; he'd already read it on some of the blogs reporting on the speech, live. He told me to tell Glenn that he'd sold $5841.11 worth of Amazon gadgets on Gizmodo already this month. I turn my laptop to Glenn and show it to him and then mention that in my talk. It gets blogged again. Speed. That is a key value blogs bring.

Squirt, squirt, squirt.

Glenn says that weblogs and their audiences are good at corrections. "If something has been on a weblog for a long time and has not been corrected it probably is true."

Except when the weblogger just ignores the truth (ala Instapundit), or changes what he said without comment (ala Sully) or just lies. The fact that something has been on a weblog for a long time and has not been corrected means nothing.

Southern Double Cross

An update.

And why is "the left" equated with the increasingly worthless Public Broadcasting System? I don't recall hearing much progressive rhetoric from Suze Orman, Rick Steves or any of those other punks asking for a contribution from Viewers Like Me.

And don't get me started on Uncommon Knowledge.

The Devil In Mr. Rosenbaum

Eric Alterman makes the point that former leftists such as Snitch, Ron Rosenbaum etc. are arguing against strawmen rather than engaging liberals in honest debate.

Rosenbaum (link via Atrios) then proves Alterman's thesis with a rambling screed in which "the left" is represented by a conspiratorial e-mail circulated (by whom? to whom?) "virtually minutes" after Senator Paul Wellstone's death.

Rosenbaum asks: "Why aren�t those who railed against paranoid, right-wing, murder-list Clinton-hatred standing up to this 'cesspool' of incoherent Left Bush hatred?" Apparently, it is incumbent on "the left" (or at least those on the left who don't believe Bill Clinton was a serial killer) to "stand up to" false e-mails.

(How exactly does one stand up to an anonymous e-mail? By ignoring it? Blocking it? Fowarding it to Ron Rosenbaum?)

But here's the kicker. Rosenbaum saw a sign at a war protest saying "Bush Is A Devil." Rosenbaum extrapolates from that sighting that "the left" -- every last one of them -- believes Bush is Ol' Scratch or one of his imps. No one has actually said that, maybe, but every last lefty is thinking it. Ron just knows it. And that, my friends, crosses the line. Comparing one's ideological opponent to Satan, it's just not done.

Except, of course, when Crazy Davey says it. Or Flush. Because, of course, they don't have the political clout and respectability of a guy with a piece of tagboard and a couple of fat markers. It's not like they hang out with the Vice President or the Assistant Secretary of Defense or anything.

Kauswatch, Day 3 All silent on the Kausfiles front. Yes, today is a weekend day, but that's never stopped Tiny Kaus from posting something idiotic on a Saturday. My guess: Kaus is waiting to see if Daschle v. Analcyst(tm) makes the "Sunday Shows." If the coast is clear, he'll return on Monday with a hot item on Krugman or Howell Raines failing to wash his hands after taking a piss.

Bush Takes Up Islam's Pompom

Do I file this one under "right-wing homophobia," "Moonie hypocrisy" or "yet more wingnut religious bigotry"?

Actually, the author is right on Bush's ignorance of Islam, but oblivious to the fact that her own ignorance exceeds even Bush's.

Terror At 20,000 Feet

"...passengers on Wednesday's 3 p.m. Washington-to-New York U.S. Airways Shuttle watched the in-flight video -- featuring Fox News personality Greta Van Susteren interviewing former secretary of state Henry Kissinger...."

Breakfast In John Ashcroft's America

Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're
acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable!

(inspiration, sort of)

Diminutive Mickey Kaus is still missing in action. I guess he's waiting for the Daschle/Limpballs thing to blow over to avoid having to agree with Daschle or be exposed as a fraud. Or maybe he's off playing Lucianne and the towelboy.

A Couple of Dimwitz and A Rubber Chickenhawk

Remember when those wingnuts pissed their pants with laughter when Babs Striesand misspelled Dick Gephardt's name on her website (or some such crap)? Well, they better double up on the Depends before reading David Horowitz's transcript of Paul Wolfowitz's speech at Retardation Weekend:

"Thank you, David....

"Truthfully, it�s an enormous privilege to be serving with Don Rumsfeld. Indeed I can�t think of a more inspiring time to be part of America�s National Security Team than right now. It�s an unusual privilege to be able to serve with Vice President Chaney, Colin Powell, Condi Rice, Don Rumsfeld, and most of all our magnificent President, George W. Busch.
...

"The war on terrorism is not something that�s going to be over with one battle or one engagement, or in one country. As President Busch and Secretary Rumsfeld have said over and over again �we are in for a long war.� If we do capture Osama bin Laden or kill him the war will not be over.

....

"As President Busch said in his State of the Union message where he also talked about the famous axis of evil, he said that �building a just and peaceful world beyond the war on terrorism, and particularly in the Muslim world has got to be part of that goal.�"

Somehow, David manages to capture the true essence of George W. Busch.

And who said conservative have no sense of humor? Here's Shecky Wolfowitz again:

"And it�s exciting to be here with this group, renamed from the Dark Ages. I am told, by the way, by what they call out at Langley �a source with access, much of whose reporting has been corroborated in the past,� that Annie Taylor did a dry run. Or more precisely Annie Taylor�s cat did a dry run. Which is why the Annual Peta Weekend doesn�t have an Annie Taylor Award. They have a Fluffy Taylor Award, instead."

Nothing says "stick my head in the toilet, won't you?" like using the non-word kerfuffle twice in the space of three paragraphs. (And "tizzy" too.) That has to be the work of John "Swirlie" Fund.

Daschle, Flush and Little Mickey

The person I'd like to hear on the Daschle v. Flush dust-up is missing in action. Remember when Little Mickey Kaus was pulling his hair out with worry that nasty ol' Media Whores Online would incite its readers to violence? Did Kurtz, Bozo or even Flush himself rise to the defense of MWO and characterize Mick's comments as slander? Yeah, right.

Let's revisit Peewee's prior ramblings on the connection between partisan speech and violence:

"I do worry that the crude, hyperbolic, ad hominem, preach-to-the-converted invective of anti-Bushies in places like Media Whores Online -- promoted by theoretically respectable people like James Carville and Paul Begala -- creates an atmosphere in which a few especially zealous followers might do something. That worry is real even if MWO's determinedly un-nuanced rhetorical style is simply giving the right a taste of its own medicine. That is, again, the point -- that a danger that was mainly on the right is now in large part on the left." (Emphasis added.)

Just five months ago, Mick supported the view that hate-filled gasbags like Limbaugh create "a danger" by provking his "especially zealous" right-wing followers. So why doesn't Kaus say so now? And why didn't those who attack Daschle now criticize Kaus back in July?

One could argue that Daschle is a leader of a major political party, whereas Mickey is just a washed-up hack sponging off old friends with his pathetic half-assed column. And that's all true. But Kurtz and Bozell are supposed to be media critics, commenting on the acts and statements of media players, not politicians.

The next Kausfiles entry will answer the question -- Mickey Kaus: hypocrite or fraud?

I guess San Francisco Democrats was too subtle for the wingnuts. Satan is now the comparison of choice for the drooling right.

Bozo's Got My Back

Yeah, Brent knows a thing or three point five million about slander.

And doesn't "much enjoyed" require that people actually watch it?

Too Sue To Be True

From Slate's Today's Papers, via Atrios.

"USAT mentions inside that authorities are worried that they might not have enough evidence to prove that Zacarias Moussaoui was involved in the 9/11 plot, despite the revelation in yesterday's WP that Moussaoui met with the alleged 9/11 mastermind, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed. The Post said the meeting was evidence that Moussaoui was 'linked to the plot.' But as yesterday's TP argued�and as prosecutors in USAT reiterate�that's misleading, or just wrong: Mohammed apparently didn't trust Moussaoui and kept him out of the loop. Or as USAT puts it, 'Investigators do not believe that Moussaoui had specific knowledge of the Sept. 11 plan.' The Post messed up."

Yes, Post messed up big time.

When they hired Steno Sue.

Andy X has requested porn. And this is a service-oriented weblog.

So of course the obvious came to mind: "Doctor" Laura, Andy Sullivan. But some of you may be squeamish, or lactose-intolerant.

How about this for pornographic?

For You, The Little People, Who Made It All Possible

It's the one-month anniversary of Roger Ailes, the weblog.

According to e-mail response and comments, at least twenty distinct individuals -- or one or more persons pretending to be twenty distinct individuals -- have visited this site in just the last month. And those are just the ones who aren't too embarassed to admit it. I'm pretty certain this breaks all records for non-pornographic websites.

Thanks to each and every one of you.

Homeland Defense For Dummies

In his latest Tech Central Station column, Mastapundit G. Reynolds offers several suggestions as to what "individual citizens can do to prepare for a role in responding to, and preventing, terrorism." Unsurprisingly, each suggestion is stupider than the one before it.

1. Watch for suspicious behavior "[Terrorists] profess sympathy to Al Qaeda (a pretty good giveaway), they make threats, they brag to strippers, and they engage in various other kinds of behaviors that don't add up."

Patrick Ewing, Howard Stern and Bob Barr: the new Axis of Evil.

2. Watch for suspicious and nonsuspicious behavior "Short of that, just get into the habit of noticing what's going on around you. Scan for people who look suspicious, or who are acting oddly, unattended bags or packages, and so on. (For practice, try to notice something distinctive about each person you see - a tattoo, a crooked nose, whatever.)

Hey, look, there's a law professor who's got nothing to say. This is easy!

3. Carry a cell phone, a video camera and a gun (while staring at people).

And then watch people report you for looking suspicious.

4. Learn first aid

Okay. Not a bad idea, but it doesn't have much to do with preventing or responding to terrorism.

Of course, everyone knows the real secret to ending terrorism: Sitting on your ass and writing a "warblog." That'll bring al Qaida to its knees.

Bonus Horowitz: A blast from the past: Crazy Davey begging not to be sued, and sucking up to his penpal, Hitch.

The Devil Made Him Stupid

The man without a reflection, David Horowitz, writes: "Of course, I've already gotten email from the brain dead left about Rush being a "chicken hawk," etc. The left has the principles of the devil himself."

David much prefers godly, intellectual words: traitor, Fifth Columnist, anti-American, haters, communist, enemy, pervert, etc.

Hey, David. Go pitch-fork yourself.

The real question: "What must it feel like to get an erection from a retarded monkey?"

On second thought, I don't want to know.

I Love A Good Contest

My entries:

Long Dong's Journey On The Right

The Most Qualified Candidate And Other Pornographic Fantasies

Moussaoui Tied to Plot
Alleged '20th Hijacker' Met 9/11 Planner

Is it true, or is it Sue?

On his website, David Horowitz is big pimpin' coverage of Restoration Weekend tonight at 11:00 p.m. on the ABC Family Channel.

Those who know the television business already know the punch line to this one.

Yes, David Horowitz is appearing on none other than The 700 Club, hosted by that notorious anti-semitic bigot, the Reverend Pat Robertson.

Who says there's no God?

Tinfoil Hat Time: Tim McVeigh and Terry Nicols were agents of Saddam.

Geez. These morons will believe anything that whitewashes McVeigh's right-wing, white-supremacist anti-American views.

And here's some debunking from Cate McCauley. All the biggest wingnuts are involved: Ken Timmerman and his Moonie mag Insight, Larry Johnson, Bill O'Reilly and Larry Klayman!

Update: Here's the same Gaffney article in the Moonie Times It doesn't have the same formatting problems as the townhall.com link.

Thou Shalt Have No Demagogues Who Bore Me

'Bama's biggest bigot, Chief Justice Roy Moore, has been told to remove his 5,000 pound carving of the Ten Commandments from the courtroom of the Alabama Supreme Court.

"'This court holds that the evidence is overwhelming and the law is clear that the chief justice violated the Establishment Clause,' Judge Myron H. Thompson of Federal District Court in Montgomery in a crackling opinion, referring to a clause in the First Amendment. The monument is 'nothing less than an obtrusive year-round religious display intended to proselytize on behalf of a particular religion, the chief justice's religion.'"

Seems like the judges on the Ninth Circuit aren't the only ones who understand the plain meaning of the Constitution. I can't wait for those idol-worshippers at the Moonie Times to twist their panties into knots over this one. Judge Thompson, on the other hand, shouldn't wait to get 24-hour armed security.

Roger Gets Pissy

"Bob Woodward's characterization of my memo is incorrect. In the days following 9/11, our country came together in nonpartisan support of the president. During that time, I wrote a personal note to a White House staff member as a concerned American expressing my outrage about the attacks on our country. I did not give up my American citizenship to take this job." -- Roger Ailes (The excessively flatulent one)

Yeah, but how was it incorrect?

More Restoration Weekend 2002

The liberal media embargo of Restoration Weekend 2002 was nearly complete. Of course, the conversative media blackout of RW 2002 was equally unanimous.

According to a search on Google News, there have been four articles on RW 2002, three from the Palm Beach Post and one in the Moonie Times. And the Moonie Times only mentions the event in passing, in an article about the Louisiana Senate race. The usual wingnut sites, including Faux News, the Weekly Standard, NRO, Townhall, etc. make no mention of RW 2002. (NRO does have an old article on RW 2K, the one attended by Chris Hitchens.)

Even El Flushbo, "winner" of the Annie Taylor award, couldn't be bothered to mention RW 2K on his website. No doubt the trophy already occupies a special place in Rush's guest crapper.

The Times "reporter" characterizes Restoration Weekend as "an annual meeting of several hundred conservative activists," but gives no numbers for this year's attendance. Still, the only non-cult source, the Palm Beach Post, places attendance at 50.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Joe C. on SFD and Snitchens at War. (Requires subscription or clicking through Mercedes ad.)

Skanks For The Memories

This should make Michelle Malkin's head explode.

(Here's the uncut version.)

Conservative, Catholic, Gun Nut, Traitor. Somehow, I'm not surprised.

Dick Cheney Emerges From The Bunker For A Matter of The Greatest National Importance

Don't miss the panel on Conservative Parenting with Bob Barr and J.C. Watts, co-moderated by Jeb Bush and Katherine Harris.

For music lovers, Clarence Thomas and Ted Nugent will duet on Wang Dang Sweet Poontang.

Doctor Alterman Asks:

"Don�t you love how conservative Catholics ignore their bishops when they stick to the parts of the Gospel that don�t quite fit their pre-emptive war-mongering, survival-of the-fittest/capitalist dogma? Why aren�t those anti-Abortion terrorists out there protesting this unnecessary war?"

You Call Him "Mr. President," I Call Him "My Bitch"

And The Dish Ran Away From The Moon

Hey, what happened to this week's "The Weekly Dish?" Is Our Man in Islamisbad on vacation this week? Has he taken to his bed with a case of heartbreak, realizing that Bush's criticism of anti-Islamic bigotry applies to him just as much as the religious right? Did he anger Moon's handmaidens by suggesting last week that the GOP was gay-friendly? Or did someone in charge finally realize that his column sucks big-time?

Who says conversatives have no sense of humor?

An anonymous scribe has penned a column for the Washington Times lecturing "Washington" on the evils of illegal immigration. The funny bit? The wag has attributed the column to Linda Chavez.

Joshua Micah Marshall and Bob Somerby have also noted the resurrection of the label San Francisco Democrats by the Republicans and their toadies in the press.

Funny, isn't it, how the wingnuts always tried/try to tar Dick Gephardt and Tom Daschle as radical leftists, and yet the terms St. Louis Democrats and Pierre Democrats never quite caught on.

Boy, did somebody fuck up Romenesko's page.

Anyone Who Thinks That Krazy Kounsellor Klayman and Judicial Watch, Inc. Are Legitimate Government Watchdogs, Read This

Done?

Good.

Now slap yourself as hard as you can.

More SFD

Peering at the computer screen through the eyeholes in his hood, Wes Pruden also manages to type a San Francisco Democrats column.

Cobb County Republicans, Anyone?

George Fwill has already used it since November 5. So has Newt Gingrich's pimp and enabler Tony Blankely. It's Nurse Kirkpatrick's ol' evil signifier: "San Francisco Democrats" I'd bet if I had Bob Somerby's NEXIS account, I'd find plenty more examples in the past week, and in the weeks and months to come.

Don't worry, though, friends of tolerance. It's not meant as a subtle anti-gay slur, like calling Bush "the boy President" or portraying your opponent as Disco Stu. Seriously. Never came into their minds. Not once.

Send your SFD sightings to rogerailes@hotmail.com or link them in the Comment box below.

That Damned Mohammed Didn't Even Have To Pay For It

"Veteran evangelist Jimmy Swaggart followed that this week by calling Mohammed a "sex deviant" and a pervert and demanding that Muslim students in the US be expelled."

That Damned Mohammed Didn't Even Have To Pay For It

"Veteran evangelist Jimmy Swaggart followed that this week by calling Mohammed a "sex deviant" and a pervert and demanding that Muslim students in the US be expelled."

Try Giving Up Drinking Next, Peg

Don't Even Think About It, Fat Ass!

Bush to Falwell, Robertson, Coulter et al.: Back Off, Bigots!

During yesterday's joint photo opportunity with Kofi Anan, our unelected President made (okay, read) the following remarks:

As a matter of fact, by far, the vast majority of American citizens respect the Islamic people and the Muslim faith. After all, there are millions of peaceful-loving Muslim Americans. [Para.] Some of the comments that have been uttered about Islam do not reflect the sentiments of my government or the sentiments of most Americans. Islam, as practiced by the vast majority of people, is a peaceful religion, a religion that respects others. Ours is a country based upon tolerance, Mr. Secretary General, and we respect the faith and we welcome people of all faiths in America. And we're not going to let the war on terror or terrorists cause us to change our values.

Has Bush gone soft on "Islamo-fascism"? Has he just tired of the shrill antics of mentally defective right-wing bigots like the rest of us? Or is he running for re-election (sic)?

Bob Bartley, Whiny, Losing Baby

John Thune, the undisputed loser of South Dakota's Senate race, has conceded defeat. The lying sacks of shit at the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal have not. Lying Bob Bartley charges that Tim Johnson stole the election by winning more votes than Thune. And he calls Lautenberg's win in New Jersey a theft too. (And he manages to throw in some anti-Native American slurs too.)

Here's a definition for the functionally illiterate Bartley: "steal ... v. stole.... 1. To take (the property of another) without right or permission." Despite what Karl tells you, Bob, the United States Senate is not the property the Republican Party.

Why the fuck is the New York Times running an advertisement as a news story?

Bow Wow Ow!

Has Glenn Reynolds ever considered criminal defense work? He could establish his Libertarian cred and pimp the Second Amendment angle at the same time with this guy.

Mr. Cocho is obviously a Forrester supporter.

"Has anyone else been such a stellar loser?"

Let's see: Vice President of the United States; United States Senator; Ambassador to Japan; military veteran; man asked by the grieving family of Paul Wellstone to run for their father's Senate seat.

And then there's: Fired New York Times writer; failed New Republic editor; inaccurate and incompetent columnist; gay man shilling for a anti-gay President and his party, and employed by the rabidly anti-gay Washington Times; total days of public service: zero; total votes received in any election, anywhere: zero.

There's your answer.

Advantange, Sullywatch

Sullywatch has forced Our Man In Islamisbad to admit his incompetence. Or is that lies? You make the call. (And let's see if the Sunday Times publishes the retraction too.)

He Won The Count, He Won The Recount. Shut It Down.

Unlike Florida 2000, where Republican fraud and corruption, illegal voter purges, GOP-subsidized rioters and Katherine Harris's contempt for the law reigned supreme, South Dakota is the picture of electoral integrity. After the statewide canvass, i.e., the first recount, the official totals changed by four votes. Democratic Senator Tim Johnson has won the count and won the recount. As yet, however, Republican loser John Thune has refused to concede or rule out another recount. Don't press your luck, Karl. There may be a honest reporter out there, somewhere, waiting to nail your ass this time.

Media Swallows, Part II

Salon's Amy Reiter leads her November 12 column with the item that Fox News Channel "Reporter" Shepard Smith recently "reported" that Bronx residents were "more likely to give [Jennifer Lopez] a curb job than a blow job." (Whatever you say, Shep.) Salon even links to a clip of the law-breaking thug caught with his mouth full. (Although I couldn't get the clip to pay in the worthless Windows Media Player format.) Sadly, the e-zine gossip columnist was simply rehashing a story reported by bloggers Agenda Bender a full eight days earlier. (Reiter also "steals" my not particularly original or funny J.Blo joke too.) Advantage Blogosphere!

The only answered question in this whole episode is why hasn't this incident appeared on the Drudge Report?

Sully Enlists

Not for just any job mind you. He wants the job of killing all the detainees in Camp X-Ray at Guantanamo Bay. His reader-buddy will hold them all down, and Sully will slit their throats. Then it's an intercontinental road trip for the deadly duo, hitting all the hot spots in the Middle East and Asia, and maybe the offices of the Guardian and a few poli-sci departments in and around Boston for good measure.

Quote:

"IS IT OVER II? Great and simple response from a reader: 'It'll be over when every last al Qaeda recruit is dead.' Amen."

Godspeed, Sully.

Oh, and don't forget to kill John Walker Lindh too.

Like Father, Like Daughter

Apparently Scalias and Thomases aren't the only relatives of the Felonious Five who have received mucho quid for their quo.

When she's not fondling illegal firearms in her office or demanding that subordinates sign oaths of loyalty (to her, not to the American people), Bush-appointed HHS Inspector Janet Rehnquist is busy intervening to protect Jeb Bush from embarassing pre-election audits of Florida's pension fund.

"Early this year, inspector general officials decided to audit Florida's pension fund amid indications that the Treasury, which contributes money to the fund for state employees who do federal work, had been overcharged. Shortly before auditors were to meet with state officials to start the process in April, Kathleen Shanahan, Gov. Jeb Bush's chief of staff and a former aide to Vice President Dick Cheney, got word to Ms. Rehnquist that Florida wanted a delay, people close to the inspector general's office said. She granted the request.

Subordinates suspected politics because the delay assured that the audit wouldn't be done until after Election Day, when the governor, who is President Bush's brother, was seeking another term. Two factors fueled the suspicions: Low-level employees typically handle scheduling matters, and the stated reason for the delay was the pending departure of the official who ran the fund -- but that office says it didn't seek the delay. Ms. Shanahan didn't return calls."

You can't help but wonder whether the second cousins and bastard children of Anthony Kennedy and Sandra Day O'Connor are also on the payroll.

More On The Moron

Not only did Republican Representative (and now Senator) Saxby Chambliss make anti-Muslim remarks, he attempted to surpress their publication through the use of law enforcement personnel as well. What a Dick! (Another Dick Armey, that is).

Is Snitch Editing Out His Own Errors, Post-Publication? I could have sworn when I read Hitchens' article this a.m., he misspelled the last name McClellan as "McLellan" in the quote cited below. I didn't comment because (1) it was just a spelling error and (2) it wasn't necessarily attributable to Hitchens, as opposed to a Slate staffer. But according to a comment posted yesterday The Fray, the article originally referred to "William" instead of George McClellan. Still not earth-shattering, but worthy of comment in light of Hitchens' pose as intellectually superior to all who disagree with him. Is someone cleaning up after Hitch and, if so, what else have they corrected?

"I'd Rather Snitch Than Fight"

The chickenhawks are on the defensive again. Not that they've changed their minds on the War Against Not-Iraq. Rather, the chickenhawk defense industry has been working overtime to explain why they are morally superior to those who oppose warfare, even though they can't be bothered to break a nail in the cause of war.

In Slate, Chris Hitchens earns the dubious distinction of being more ignorant of American history than Macho Mike Kelly. Repeating Kelly's fraudulent argument that those who criticize "armchair generals" are arguing against civilian control of the military, Chris writes:

"One hopes that the next implication is inadvertent, but the clear suggestion is that there ought not to be civilian control of the military. What�have callow noncombatants giving brisk orders to grizzled soldiers? How could Lincoln have fired the slavery-loving Gen. George B. McClellan, or Truman dismissed the glorious Douglas MacArthur?"

The canard that President Lincoln avoided military service has already been discredited. He served in the Illinois militia during the Black Hawk War. And, contrary to Chris's slander, President Harry Truman saw combat in several key battles in World War I, as a captain in the National Guard.

Snitch also advances the intellectually bankrupt argument that criticizing "armchair generals" and "chickenhawks" is an unfair criticism of women, the disabled and the elderly, who cannot serve in combat. But he does not and cannot cite a single instance when the terms have been used to characterize people in those groups. (Fakes like Rush and his anal cyst don't count.) Chris is simply hiding behind those groups to deflect criticism from healthy, able-bodied men such as himself and his chickenhawk pals, who opposed warfare (at least for themselves) when their asses were on the line and are now all for it.

Chris would appreciate it if you call him an "intellectual militant" instead of a "chickenhawk." But his intellect is AWOL, so just call him a militant. He's ready to fight the war against Saddam, as long as it doesn't involve any actual fighting on his part, he doesn't have to make any sacrifice, and he gets paid by the word to endorse it. And don't forget to invite him to the after-party, where he can take all the credit. But don't worry about thanking him. It's the least he can do.

Update (11/13): Tbogg does it longer, harder and better.

Hootie Comes Out

"That standard goes both ways--that men seek the companionship of other men through sports and other leisure pursuits is equally desirable." -- "Hootie" "Johnson", Chairman of the Augusta National Golf.

Among Friends (Sixth In A Series)

Celebrity Look Alike and Washington Times Columnist Cal Thomas Welcomes His Rapidly-Aging, Delusional Colleague: "Pelosi wants the federal government to offer marital status to any type of human relationship. Six years ago, she was quoted in the San Francisco Examiner as saying,'Should you find yourself in a situation where your child or close relatives or close friends find solace, happiness, confidence, love and support in a relationship that's appropriate for them, wouldn't you want them to have the legal recognition they deserve?' [Para.] Would the Democratic presidential nominee in 2004 and the party's congressional candidates like to put that question to the voters?"

What's worse than "Barbra Streisand's suggestion that Bush engineered Paul Wellstone's plane crash?"

Try Phyllis Schlafly's obscene suggestion that President Clinton sought to harm military personnel by requiring them to take the anthrax vaccine. Schlafly says that "Clinton saw in the anthrax vaccine a way to stick it to the military he 'loathed,' literally...." and accuses the President of issuing a "corrupt order [requiring soldiers] to be injected with the unsafe, untested and unnecessary vaccine."

How pathetic is Schlafly's effort to slander Clinton? Well, she says that "the government was fatally and corruptly wrong," but she doesn't cite a single fatality. The GAO report doesn't cite a single fatality or near fatality. (Which is not to say that many vaccines, including those for anthrax, don't cause fatalities in rare circumstances.) And those unnamed "adverse side effects" and "injuries" that 85 percent of recipients suffered? Headaches, chills, red bumps and insomnia. Almost every statement about the GAO report in Schlafly's column misrepresents the report. Read it for yourself (.pdf file).

I could elaborate. But, really, why bother? Someone who has trouble following Page Six wouldn't be able to keep up anyway.

Peggy Goes To Hollywood

The dirtiest star of them all, according to the star polisher, is that of Ronald Reagan. It is often stained with bodily fluids, gum, vegetable byproducts and snack cakes. 'I don't know why. People just seem to hate him,' Mr. Peterson says. 'But I think he was one of the best governors we ever had.'"

The Undergraduate

(Inspired by a true story.)

I can't do this.

You what?

This is all terribly wrong.

Benjamin - do you find me undesirable?

Oh no, Mrs. Schlafly. I think -
I think you're the most attractive
of all my parents' friends.
I just don't think we could
possibly --

Are you afraid of me?

No - but look - maybe we could
do something else together,
Mrs. Schlafly - would you like
to go to a movie?

Benjamin, is this your first time?

Is this - what?

It is, isn't it? It is your
first time.

Roger's Mail Sac

Roger Ailes, the weblog, has been in business for three weeks only and already it is white-hot. Laudatory e-mail has been flooding in from heads of state, captains of industry, movers, shakers, Quakers and the literati. Space considerations and modesty preclude me from printing all of the kudos, a representative sample of the correspondence will suffice:

From: Mrs Mariam Abacha
c/o: Mallam Isa Abacha

Your Honour,

STRICTLY URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL

I am Mrs. Mariam Abacha, widow to the Former Military Head of State, Late General Sanni Abacha, who died suddenly as a result of Cardiac Arrest on 8th of June 1998.

One early morning, I was called by my Late Husband General Sanni Abacha, who at that time was the Chief In Commander of the Army and the President of Nigeria. He conducted me round the apartment and showed me three metals boxes of money all in Foreign Exchange, my husband told me he was to use the money for the settlement of his Personal Royal Guards on his self Succession Bid and campaigns.

Upon his tragic and unexpected death, the new civilian Government of Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, has insisted on probing my familys financial resources and has gazetted all our properties, also. They recently seized all the known familys fund abroad with the assistance of the British Government. It is only this money US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million United States Dollars Only) that he deposited with a security company vault, that they can not trace because the funds were deposited as (ANTIQUITY) African Art Work from the National Commission for Museum and Monuments (N. C. M. M.) Nigeria, the family intend to use this money for investment purpose to enable the family start life all over again.

Therefore, the family is urgently in need of a very competent and investor participant that we could entrust with the certificate of Deposit and (PIN) Personal Identification Number Code to help us remove the funds from the security company. Since no names were used in securing the vault.

I got your contact address and name from our Chamber of Commerce, Agriculture and Industry Office in Lagos - Nigeria, if the proposal is acceptable to you, after getting the money out from the security company vault to your country, my family have agreed to offer to you 25% of the total sum for the kind assistance you rendered to us. And in addition bank the familys own part of the funds and assist us in investing (with my approval on project) as a front for us until the situation becomes more favorable for us to now meet and discuss the way forward, most especially now that my elder son, Mohammed Abacha and I are under pressure from the Government, despite the fact that my family had already returned the sum of US$3 Billion my Late husbands Account in the U.S.A, Europe and other countries.

Please kindly state your early response immediately on this email: is [e-mail address omitted] for more details on the logistics and modalities.

NOTE: I do not need to remind you of the absolute secrecy and confidentiality that this transaction demands. You are free to speak directly with my son Mallam Issa Abacha on the phone.

If you are not interested, please kindly reply me immediately to enable me search for another interested partner.

I await your positive resonse.

Thanks and accept my regards.
MRS. MARIAM ABACHA
c/o Mallam Isa Abacha

What other blog has celebrity correspondents, let alone generous patrons willing to finance their operations to the tune of 25% of the total sum of US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million United States Dollars Only)? I don't see the Abacha family giving David Horowitz US$7,500,000.00 to warn 18 year olds about the treasons of Red Harry Belafonte.

Rest assured, my friends, I cannot be bought. Mrs. Abacha's largese will not cause me to write obsequious puff pieces in praise of the pharmaceutical industry.

War Against Belafonteism Enters Its Third Week

Vietnam war hero David Horowitz has found a new cause: Destroying al-Calypso sleeper cells on the nation's campuses. In his latest dispatch from the quiet room... er, the front lines, David solicits your tax-deductible donation, none of which, I'm reasonably certain, will go for the purchase of turtleneck sweaters or hair plugs. Without your help, thousands of college kids will fall victim to Harry Belafonte's cult of personality.

And while you're at it, register for this weekend's Restoration Weekend, reasonably priced at only $1,600 per person. Where else can you run elbows with other saps willing to pay $1,600 for the privilege of being in the same room as Frank Luntz, Armstrong Williams and Grover Norquist?

Criminals Accessing Your Private Information

In this case, the criminal is convicted Iran-Contra felon Admiral John Poindexter, who the Bush Administration has placed in charge of the Pentagon's development of a computer system which will provide its operator with "instant access to information from Internet mail and calling records to credit card and banking transactions and travel documents, without a search warrant." Meanwhile, the administration is pushing for legislation legalizing this invasion of privacy as part of the "Homeland Security Act," and the FBI is in discussions with the Pentagon about making use of the system.

Maybe Hitch can explain again to us again why bin Laden's corpse is a bigger threat to Americans than Ashcroft and cohorts.

More Weaponized Bio-Toxins Found In Florida

"On the Tampa tarmac, [White House] Press Secretary Ari Fleischer and political aide Karl Rove chased each other under the wing of Air Force One with a bag of Rove's dirty laundry." (Via Grovel.)

Sadly, this will be the only story about Karl Rove's dirty laundry you'll see in the pages of the Post.

What do you give a talking penis for a wedding present?

There's still plenty of items left on Lawrence and Becki's registries, mostly on the high end. Scatergories and the Casino DVD are already taken, but you can still get the lovely couple some golf balls. And plenty of these would be a thoughtful gift for her.

From John "Thumb" Fund's Political Diary: "All Ely Dahan wanted was a brief conversation with California's Gov. Gray Davis of California about an exciting article by a Nobel Prize winner that had just appeared in The Wall Street Journal. Mr. Dahan, a UCLA business professor, thought the article had valuable insights into California's electricity problems. What he got instead was a highly agitated governor ignoring the policy points, cursing the Journal as 'f---ing a--h---s,' and declaring: 'They don't see the world realistically.' End of conversation."

Governor Davis's powers of observation have never been more astute. I wonder if he called Fund a "c----dly, a-----e little pr--k" as well.

ElectionTheftWatch 2002

South Dakota certifies its election results on Tuesday. Will Karl Rove permit Thune to concede the Senate race then, silencing the GOP's perpetual smear machine on the election? Stay thuned.

Calling Connie Chung and Larry King

Three get stuck in elevator

"RAPID CITY -- Three people were stuck for about half an hour in an elevator that would go up and down but wouldn't open....

[The people] discovered when they reached their floor that the door wouldn't open. Meanwhile, people on other floors were pushing the buttons to bring the elevator to them.

"They went up and down a couple of times," Lt. Ty Reber of the Rapid City Fire Department said.

The trapped people shouted to the folks outside and used the emergency phone in the elevator to call for help, Reber said.

Reber and two other crew members from Station 7 at Anamosa and North Maple got to the apartment building about 5:45 p.m. and used a special key to open the door, releasing the trapped people.

An elevator service technician reset the elevator and rode it up and down several times to make sure it worked. The technician wasn't sure why the door malfunctioned, Reber said. Although not common, such elevator problems occur occasionally, he said...."

Roger Ailes (This One) Is Full of Shit

UPDATE: Roger Ailes reader Chris corrects me on the ownership of UPI. (See comment 1.) It seems that Pat Robertson attempted to purchase the then-bankrupt UPI in the early 1990s, but the sale wasn't approved by the bankruptcy court. The press service was purchased by a corporation controlled by the anti-Christ, Reverend Moon, in 2000. (Check out the link for a summary of the Rev's dealings/holdings.)

In my defense, (1) I'm a lazy bastard; (2) there were no typographical errors in my comment; and (3) John Moyers of TomPaine.com made the same mistake just a couple of weeks ago.

Thanks, Chris. That free lifetime subscription to Roger Ailes is on its way.

I am now offering my services as a paid political/wardrobe consultant to Montana pols, media outlets and rancher-hairdressers.

On November 4, I predicted: "Wild Card race: Facial boy loses to Baucus by 30+, due to rampant left-wing homophobia in Montana."

Well, the results are now in:

MONTANA

Reporting: 100%

Max Baucus, Dem (i) 202,908 (63%)
Mike Taylor, GOP 102,766 (32%)
Stan Jones, Lib 10,325 (3%)
Bob Kelleher, Grn 7,567 (2%)

My accuracy is almost frightening sometimes.

By the way, doesn't this result (among many others) shoot a huge-ass hole in the premise that the 2002 election was a referendum on the performance of President Bush, and the sub-premise that the voters "overwhelmingly gave their support" to Bush? Are two-thirds of Montana voters anti-Bush? Do the good folk of the Treasure State hold the view of NY-LA-Boston elites that Bush is a "child and imperialist"? I guess so.

Another reason Salon subscribers should be pissed. Right now, non-subscribers can get a free daypass to all Premium Features and Archives simply by clicking through four screens of an advertisement for the Mercedes-Benz E-Class. Check out the archives, but you haven't been missing much. And with the money you've saved, you're only $47,585 away from that E320 Sedan you're coveting.

You Wish You Were Me

"I should spend more time in flyover country, like Rush -- except that he's always dining at 21 with Roger Ailes." - Joe C.

I recommend the Carpaccio of Organic White Fallow Venison with Truffle Crostini and Mustard Dressing, not to be confused with the Carpaccio of Venison with T�te de Moine and Truffle-Mustard Dressing, followed by the Mixed Grill of Game with Brussels Sprouts and Toasted Pumpkin Seeds, topped off with the Coconut Mousse Cake with Mango and Strawberry Coulis. Accompanied by a few large glasses of the house wine and a huge-ass stogie, of course.

What's UP With UPI?

I seem to recall UPI (or its name) was purchased at fire-sale prices a few years back by Pat Robertson or one of his businesses. But this is just pathetic:

"'Quiet frankly, I don't have any personal stake in which party controls the Senate,' Barley said."

"If he steps aside earlier, Coleman would be able to get a jump on seniority on three member of the new class of freshman senators and perhaps get preferred committee assignments."

Everyone makes typos. But when you're in the business of providing written content to subscribers, for a fee, shouldn't you at least take a stab at proofreading?

Bush Lies, Media Swallows (Tried to post this link this a.m., but Blogger was on the fritz.)

Stop Making Sense

"This, then, was a big vote for his economic management, although, of course, it is not devoid of concern and qualifications." -- Who Else?

How on earth could the New York Times fire a writer of this caliber?

"It's a shame we have no idea how gay citizens actually voted this time around because of the lack of exit polls, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if there wasn't a major uptick in gay support for the GOP, especially in the Northeast. More evidence that gay and Republican isn't an oxymoron." -- Our Man In Islamisbad, Demonstrating His Fundamental Ignorance Of The Words "Evidence" And "Oxymoron," As Well As The Legitimate Uses of Exit Polling Data

What is all this crap about underestimating Bush? Show me one credible report demonstrating that Bush had a significant role in developing the Republicans' election strategy.

Electiontheft 2002 Watch

"State officials said today that there is no sign of wrongdoing involving the voting in heavily Indian counties here. Despite the noisy allegations of 'fraud' and 'vote-stealing' on the reservations that made a media splash a month ago, the balloting on Tuesday was evidently untarnished.

The state's attorney general, Mark Barnett, who had called in the FBI to help investigate possible voter fraud on the reservations in October, moved to shoot down any suggestion that Johnson's win may have been tainted. 'I don't see any evidence that anybody stole an election from anybody else,' said Barnett, a Republican."

This is only going to make James Baker's work much more difficult. These folks obviously haven't been reading Karl's faxes, or the right know-nothing bloggers.

Georgia, Sewer of The Union, Part Two

"In Georgia, U.S. Representative Saxby Chambliss, Chairman of the House Subcommittee on Terrorism and Homeland Security suggested that the Sheriff of Lowndes County be 'turn[ed] loose' to 'arrest every Muslim that crosses the state line.'"

Yeah, you couldn't turn on the television before the election without the liberal media reminding you of that quote.

The Supreme Court stole that election for George Bush and the so-called liberal media proved an accessory to this constitutional crime. This is not �City on the Edge of Forever.� You can�t go back and change history, Jim. Let her go, man. He�s still unelected. Deal with it. -- Eric Alterman, responding to the conceit that 2002 answers who won in 2000.

This guy is definitely a Republican.

Georgia, Sewer of The Union

"Mr. Barnes' redesign of the state flag, reducing its large Confederate emblem to a tiny spot, alienated many white Georgians who scorned the cluttered new design as the 'Barnes rag.'
...
They did do something. Members of the Sons of Confederate Veterans (SCV) followed the governor to campaign stops, displaying the old Georgia flag and anti-Barnes signs at protests. One group of SCV activists started 'Project Wave,' which erected hundreds of 24-foot flagpoles flying the old flag around the state.
...
'You've stunned Georgia,' the governor-elect [Sonny Perdue] told cheering supporters. 'Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, free at last.'"

Face it. This is one of the reasons the G.O.P. regained control of the Senate. The party of Lott and Ashcroft is now the party of Perdue and Chamblis as well.

Interesting Election Analysis: "I�m guessing that not too many pundits on those endless gabfests focused on the fact that, as reported by AP, the Republican National Committee and its congressional campaign arms had outraised their Democratic counterparts by $184 million through mid-October. This does not include, of course, the billions Bush gave them through the federal government. This is the kind of thing that makes all the difference in close races and that�s just what happened last night."

Back With Another One Of Those Cock-Blockin' Beats

Citizens of Oklahoma: Stop playing with your cocks, right now!

Here's the law:

1. It is a felony to instigate or encourage cockfighting.

2. It is a felony to keep places, equipment or facilities for cockfighting.

3. It is a felony to aid or assist in cockfighting.

4. It is a felony to own, possess, keep or train birds for cockfighting.

It is a misdemeanor to knowingly be a spectator at a cockfight.

The law defines "cockfight" and "cockfighting" as:

1. A fight between birds.

2. Whether or not fitted with spurs, knives, or gaffs.

3. Whether or not bets or wagers are made on the outcome of the fight.

Sore Johnson?

The unanswered question of the cycle: Will Bush get greedy and try to steal an election again this year? Will the bourgeoisie paid by the RNC riot in Rapid City? Has James Baker reserved the top three floors of the Sioux Falls Hilton? Is Ted Olson preparing the superfluous briefs already?

Impossible? They've already done the advance work.

Good Lords The House of Lords has voted to allow gay and unmarried straight couples to adopt children. Who would have thought a bunch of titled, inbred, rotten-boroughed toffs would be more progressive than the entire GOP and an unfortunately large segment of the Democratic Party? Not surprisingly, Tory Peers opposed the vote, engaging in demagougery worthy of Arizona Republican Mike Salmon.

Mixed results on my predictions, so far: Got Chickenhawk Chamblis and Sununu Jr. wrong; The easier ones -- Dole, Pryor, Harkin, Crackerboy, Lautenberg, Lame-ass!, Landrieu (1/2) and Baucus vs. lotionboy -- right. The good news is Chickenshit and Jr. aren't net gains. Let's hope I get Mondale, Strickland, Carnahan and Johnson right, and Cornholio wrong.

Cleland's loss and "Sonny" Perdue's win are bigger embarrassments for Georgia as Bob Barr, Newt Gingrich, the Masters and the state flag combined.

So far, a disappointing night. The governors' races, and especially Richardson's win and Largent's loss, are the high points.

Update: Correcting myself, so you don't have to. Chickenshit is a net gain.

What Do I Know?

My best guesses on the most-watched Senate races (according to TPM). (Who will win, not who should.) Does not take into account any election theft.

AK: Pryor, easy

CO: Strickland

GA: Cleland

IA: Harkin, easy

MN: Mondale

MO: Carnahan

NH: Shaheen

NJ: Lautenberg

NC: Dole

LA: Landrieu (both times)

SC: Graham Cracker

SD: Johnson

TN: Lame arse!

TX: Cornyn

Wild Card race: Facial boy loses to Baucus by 30+, due to rampant left-wing homophobia in Montana.

Anyone Have The Scoop On This?

"Alexandra Pelosi captured this private George Bush in a documentary, "Journeys With George," that is spellbinding in the way it gets him to lower his guard. Pelosi co-directed the film with Aaron Lubarsky; it airs on HBO tonight.

Pelosi, a network television producer (who happens to be the daughter of San Francisco's Democratic congresswoman, Nancy Pelosi), filmed Bush on the campaign trail in 1999 and 2000...

It's clear Pelosi relished her role as one of Bush's favorite journalists. Was Bush aware that she would eventually edit the film and insert some unflattering remarks, such as when she criticizes his stump speeches? Or that she would highlight the scenes of him drinking beer? Or that it would feature fun music and sometimes silly narration that would give the film additional levity? He took his chances."

"Oh Shit!"

And People In Hell Want Ice Water

Leo The Lyin'

Anti-P.C. Fraud John Leo, fresh from reporting on non-existent campus hate crimes, has more problems with the truth. Peddling Our Man Is Islamisbad's discredited diatribe, Lyin' Leo ups the ante by compounding the fibs:

"So police came across the sniper suspects at least 11 times during the long manhunt but let them go every time. The Washington, D.C., police chief acknowledged that race was a factor in this amazing failure. "Everybody was looking for a white car with white people," he told the Washington Post."

The only problem is the Washington Post article Leo cites, via Sully, never quotes the Washington D.C. Police Chief. The Post article attributes the quote to "one-high ranking police source," jurisdiction and rank unnamed. The article never references the D.C. Chief of Police. The article refers to a single incident that happened in Maryland, not D.C. The article doesn't refer to 11 incidents. (Could it be that Leo is having auto-erotically-induced flashbacks about Chief Ramsey and the Chandra Levy case?)

Ah, well. When you're bashing "political correctness," literal correctness doesn't matter. And truth means nothing, if you're Leo the Lyin'.

It's all down hill from there, but The Howler has already covered the most of the rest.

Why Do They Hate America?

In the latest online issue of Foot Fancy Quarterly, chief political correspondent Peggy Noonan attempts to spit on Walter Mondale, and ends up with a faceful of her own bile:

"Mondale meant to explain his own record at the end, and an impressive record it is. But his rhetorical repetition--"I know the Senate. . . . I served in the Senate. . . . I was president of the Senate"--made him seem like the father in the old sitcom "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis"--"I fought in WWII, the big one!' " He was always doing that to prove he was a big guy who'd lived through big history. The kids were always rolling their eyes. They knew a blowhard when they saw one."

Har-de-har-har-har.

Sorry, Peg, but Ronnie Reagan is the only blowhard who pretended to fight in WWII. Surely you remember when candy-ass Ronnie lied about his role in liberating Nazi concentration camps. "King Character" Ronnie cowered in California during the war, making V.D. films for the troops. Walter Mondale, on the other hand, proudly served in the U.S. Army from 1951 to 1953.

You may snicker and sneer at American war veterans who recount their military service with pride, Nooner, but no one else is laughing. Except at you.

And what is Norm Coleman's war record? His website says it all: "In Norm's younger years, he was a roady for Ten Years After, a one-hit wonder band during the 60s. Norm helped set up the stage and held the bass amp during concerts."

Don't Try This At Home

It is often dangerous when an idiot tries to interpret a poll. Sometimes that idiot happens to be the writer for the newspaper which commissions the poll.

"Poll results show the backlash from the [Wellstone memorial] service, which was broadcast live on radio and TV, may make its mark on the election's outcome. [Para.] Nearly a quarter of the 929 likely voters said the service made them more likely to vote for Coleman, while 16 percent said it made them more likely to vote for Mondale. An additional 53 percent said the service will make no difference in how they vote."

Does this mean the service changed one vote? Of course not. The "nearly a quarter" of voters who said the service made them more likely to vote for Coleman could all be Coleman supporters already, since Coleman already has the support of 41 percent of voters. Of course, Coleman supporters would say that the service made them more supportive of Coleman. How many of the 929 likely voters switched their vote from the DFL candidate to Coleman? Apparently the question was never asked.

(The article does quote one man who's going to switch from Mondale to the Indpendent candidate, Moore, which benefits Coleman, but doesn't make the man one who's "more likely to vote for Coleman.")

And Mondale wasn't in the race before the service, so how could 16 percent say the service made them "more likely to vote for Mondale" than before the service? No one was going to vote for Mondale before Wellstone died. Many of the respondents probably understood the (apparent) intended meaning of a poorly-written question, but those who answered the question as asked could not have said they were "more likely" to vote for Mondale.

Have a homophobic uncle? Here's the perfect Christmas gift.

And maybe one for yourself, too.

If they took it from you once, don't give it to them twice"

Grand Old Police Blotter

(Published as circumstances warrant)

"A special prosecutor filed charges this week against [John K.] Butler and his wife, Lisa, in Downstate Cass County near Springfield. [Para.] The couple are charged with felony criminal sexual assault and felony aggravated criminal sexual abuse for allegedly fondling a 17-year-old girl in September 2001 and summer 2000, said Michael Vujovich, a special prosecutor with the state's attorney's appellate prosecutor's office.

John Butler was Cass County GOP chairman through last April. He was pardoned by Gov. George Ryan in October last year for a felony burglary conviction."

Catholic League Pictures is proud to present

A William Donahue Film

Starring

Greg Kinnear

Willem Dafoe

and Robert Novak

and Introducing ...

Nino Scalia

Auto-Opus (Dei)

"Although a zealous right-wing anti-communist, [Robert Hanssen] sold thousands of our government's secrets to Moscow. He was the kind of devout Catholic who went to Mass every day and hung a crucifix on his office wall, but he was obsessed with exhibitionist sex and pornography, spending hours hunting it on the Internet.

"When his closest friend made extended visits to his home, Hanssen, an electronics whiz, hid a small video camera in his bedroom and rigged it up so that his friend, "sitting in the comfort of the downstairs den, could watch on television as [the Hanssens] had sex in their upstairs bedroom." (Mrs. Hanssen didn't know she was on camera.) Later the two men would critique the show."

Laurie Coleman to reporter: "Your comments have been noted in the building."

She's no Joan Mondale.

Q. What Do Socially-Retarded Losers Do On Halloween?

A.

Wes Pruden, Evil Prick

"The Democrats count on their corpses. [Para.] Two years ago it was Mel Carnahan, killed in a plane crash on the eve of the Senate election in Missouri, which turned out to be a good career move for the missus." -- Wes Pruden, Prick

Will the Republicans-have-more-respect-for-the-dead frauds (Nooner, Will, et al.) purse their tiny lips, sneer and tut-tut this vile bastard? Of course not.

Also of note: In the same column, the second-generation white supremicist repeats the Novak lie about Minnesota Supreme Court Justice Alan Page, and fondly recalls segregated funerals.

Who Wants To Be A Senator? My prediction: Senator Vince McMahon.

Yeah, the anthrax killer couldn't possibly be an angry racist, right-wing white American, could he, Linda? After all, this guy was dead before September 2001. It's unthinkable, and racist, even to suggest such a possibility.

Lies Of The Times

Lie: "Mr. Coleman's campaign headquarters has been besieged by phone calls from volunteers and pledges of campaign contributions since Democrats held a memorial service Tuesday night for of Mr. Wellstone that turned into a raucous rally for Mr. Mondale." -- Donald Lambro, Moonie Times

Truth: "Kahn, of course, didn�t mention Mondale�s name. Neither did any other speaker at the 'politicized' event." -- Bob Somerby

What else would you expect from the Moonie Times?

Remember To Do Your Duty on November 5, 2002

Remember, if you don't vote, it's all your fault when some fuckwit gets elected.

Whatever Happened To....?

"I'll set the Wayback Machine for 1850...."

Chickenhawk Down

Both Dr. Limerick and Atrios beat me to the punch on why Lincoln and F.D.R. are not chickenhawks. But, in my defense, I'm a lazy bastard.

In my neck of the woods, the Black Hawk War is two Mercedes S.U.V.s fighting for the same handicapped space closesto the Restoration Hardware.

Lies of the Times

"But the media are ignoring Mr. Muhammad's political and religious ties in order not to appear anti-Islam. The possibility that Mr. Muhammad may have been acting out some fantasy that he was a mujahideen killing infidels doesn't seem to interest the major media in the slightest." -- Linda "My Life Is Good" Chavez.

Name one media outlet that has failed to note Muhammad's religious beliefs or affiliations. That's right, you can't. And as for the major media ignoring the possibility that that Muhammad "may have been" acting out a mujahideen fantasy, they're doing so for the same reason the ignoring the fact he may have been acting out his favorite scenes from Bonnie and Clyde or Enemy at the Gates. Because there's no fucking evidence to support the "possibility."

Big White Lies

Another witless wingnut toeing the party lie. We can only hope the Howler will sink its teeth in this duplicitous blowhard, who was last seen violating immigration laws.

Big White Lies

Another witless wingnut toeing the party lie. We can only hope the Howler will sink its teeth in this duplicitous blowhard, who was last seen violating immigration laws.

Peggy Noonan - No Class

MEMO

To: Peggy Noonan
From: Ronald Reagan
Date: Nov 1, 2002

Get away from me, you psychopathic harpy! If I had the power to communicate my thoughts, I would tell you "You are one hateful, dishonest, vile lunatic. If you ever get within five blocks of me again, I will put that foot you long to cradle lovingly straight up your fat Irish ass."

Update

Homophobia Five-0 Point Two.

Shut It Down, Part Deux

(Via Buzzflash.)

Another "instapundit" speaks out against gun control, anti-male bias on campus and political correctness, and in favor of tort reform.