Sunday, November 10, 2002

Roger's Mail Sac

Roger Ailes, the weblog, has been in business for three weeks only and already it is white-hot. Laudatory e-mail has been flooding in from heads of state, captains of industry, movers, shakers, Quakers and the literati. Space considerations and modesty preclude me from printing all of the kudos, a representative sample of the correspondence will suffice:

From: Mrs Mariam Abacha
c/o: Mallam Isa Abacha

Your Honour,

STRICTLY URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL

I am Mrs. Mariam Abacha, widow to the Former Military Head of State, Late General Sanni Abacha, who died suddenly as a result of Cardiac Arrest on 8th of June 1998.

One early morning, I was called by my Late Husband General Sanni Abacha, who at that time was the Chief In Commander of the Army and the President of Nigeria. He conducted me round the apartment and showed me three metals boxes of money all in Foreign Exchange, my husband told me he was to use the money for the settlement of his Personal Royal Guards on his self Succession Bid and campaigns.

Upon his tragic and unexpected death, the new civilian Government of Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, has insisted on probing my familys financial resources and has gazetted all our properties, also. They recently seized all the known familys fund abroad with the assistance of the British Government. It is only this money US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million United States Dollars Only) that he deposited with a security company vault, that they can not trace because the funds were deposited as (ANTIQUITY) African Art Work from the National Commission for Museum and Monuments (N. C. M. M.) Nigeria, the family intend to use this money for investment purpose to enable the family start life all over again.

Therefore, the family is urgently in need of a very competent and investor participant that we could entrust with the certificate of Deposit and (PIN) Personal Identification Number Code to help us remove the funds from the security company. Since no names were used in securing the vault.

I got your contact address and name from our Chamber of Commerce, Agriculture and Industry Office in Lagos - Nigeria, if the proposal is acceptable to you, after getting the money out from the security company vault to your country, my family have agreed to offer to you 25% of the total sum for the kind assistance you rendered to us. And in addition bank the familys own part of the funds and assist us in investing (with my approval on project) as a front for us until the situation becomes more favorable for us to now meet and discuss the way forward, most especially now that my elder son, Mohammed Abacha and I are under pressure from the Government, despite the fact that my family had already returned the sum of US$3 Billion my Late husbands Account in the U.S.A, Europe and other countries.

Please kindly state your early response immediately on this email: is [e-mail address omitted] for more details on the logistics and modalities.

NOTE: I do not need to remind you of the absolute secrecy and confidentiality that this transaction demands. You are free to speak directly with my son Mallam Issa Abacha on the phone.

If you are not interested, please kindly reply me immediately to enable me search for another interested partner.

I await your positive resonse.

Thanks and accept my regards.
MRS. MARIAM ABACHA
c/o Mallam Isa Abacha


What other blog has celebrity correspondents, let alone generous patrons willing to finance their operations to the tune of 25% of the total sum of US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million United States Dollars Only)? I don't see the Abacha family giving David Horowitz US$7,500,000.00 to warn 18 year olds about the treasons of Red Harry Belafonte.

Rest assured, my friends, I cannot be bought. Mrs. Abacha's largese will not cause me to write obsequious puff pieces in praise of the pharmaceutical industry.

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