They weren't booing. They were yelling "Toup!"

Why Laura was so happy to sweep the porch.

Bob Somerby incomparably kicks Kellyanne, Tucker and Billy to the curb. Sweet.

Homophobia Five-0: Who's running on an anti-gay platform in Hawai'i? You make the call.

Extra credit: How about California? You make the call. (via MWO).

Not only is Our Man In Islamisbad hallucinating, now he wants the New York Times to investigate his hallucinations too.

In bashing the Times' sniper coverage, Sully says: "A senior police official has already told the Washington Post that the race of the men was a factor in letting them go."

As explained below, this is pure fiction. The article Sully contains no such quote. (Also note that Sully has expanded his lie: The Washington Post article refers to Muhammad only, not "the men." When you're just making shit up, I guess it's in for a penny, in for a pound.)

But now Sully criticizes the NYT for failing to "at least ... investigate[] or even mention[]" the non-existent quote. It's hard to blame the Times for failing to follow up on something which exists only in fevered delusions of one man's tiny mind.

Arkansas Project, Part Deux?

Criticized for using state funds and personnel for personal purposes and her own, miserably-failing campaign to be Secretary of Sfate, Arkansas First Lady Janet Huckabee lashed back back at her critics:

"I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me," she said in an interview. "If it wasn't for the grace of God, I'd have shot a few people already."

"Jesus wasn't liked, either," she added. "And Jesus was mistreated, and called names."

One can't help but wonder why those chinless idiots who read (and wrote for) the American Spectator in the 90s aren't up in arms about the abuses of office by Governor Mike Huckabee and his wife: using state police as chauffeurs, accepting lavish gifts from political appointees, participating in illegal meetings to release well-connected rapists from prison, blocking ethics investigations, issuing death threats. You know, all the things folks used to accuse Governor and Mrs. Clinton of whenever Richard Scaife paid them enough money.

Just imagine the gnashing of teeth and the soiling of underpants at Freakrepublic if Senator Clinton had wished her critics dead or compared herself of the Son of God.

Let's all pray that Jimmie Lou Fisher will return Honor and Dignity to the Arkansas State House.

Our Man In Islamisbad Writes:

Not one of his victims was a Muslim. Coincidence? Somehow I think not.

Mo Do Ho Pho Watch

Liberal homophobe Maureen Dowd is at it again, calling Our President and his Veep "girly-boys." Wait, it's President Carter and Vice President Mondale. Never mind.

But wait, again. MoDo also says that "Karl Rove and W. obsess over how to emanate muscularity."

Now I'm just confused.

Mike Kelly: Chickenshit or Chicken Salad?

Presidential Apologist Kelly writes:

The generally accepted definition of the term, which dates at least to 1988, describes 'chicken hawks' as public persons, generally male, who advocate war but who declined a significant opportunity to serve in uniform during wartime.

"Chicken hawk" is interesting as an insult because it is such a pure example of reactionary thinking or, rather, the substitution of reaction for thinking. It is the sort of thing you say when you need to stop the argument in its tracks because you simply can't bear to address its realities. Other obvious examples of the type might include "my country right or wrong" and "I don't know much about art, but I know what I like." ...

So it is with "chicken hawk." Its power lies in the simplicity that comes with being completely wrong. The central implication here is that only men who have professionally endured war have the moral standing and the experiential authority to advocate war. That is, in this country at least, a radical and ahistorical view. The Founders, who knew quite well the dangers of a military class supreme, were clear in their conviction that the judgment of professional warmakers must be subordinated to the command of ignorant amateurs -- civilian leaders who were in turn subordinated to the command of civilian voters. Such has given us the leadership in war of such notable "chicken hawks" as Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Time constraints preclude the full appropriate response to this chickenshit (the author, and the article). The most obvious flaw, however, is the re-definition of usage to suit Kelly's purposes. The term "chickenhawk" does not assert that those without military experience cannot or should not advocate war; rather, it simply asserts that a particular advocate of war lacks the moral standing to make the case. When a warmonger avoids combat during wartime through paternal string-pulling or because he has "other priorities," he lacks the authority to make the case that there is a moral obligation to wage war. The war a chickenhawk advocates may be right or wrong, but the chickenhawk has already demonstrated, by his actions, his belief that war is not a moral obligation.

The chickenhawk can still argue other reasons to wage war (economic benefits for his cronies, the need to win mid-term elections, etc.). He can even argue the moral case for the war. But he can't avoid the consequences of being called on his hypocrisy.

More about the differences between Kelly and Lincoln, and why F.D.R. and Lincoln aren't chickenhawks, later.

Our Man In Islamisbad Writes:

"Somehow I knew this guy is a Muslim too. Really. The mainstream media doesn't want you to know."

Just How Stupid Are The Dildoheads?

Listen to the head dildo himself: " I'm going to tell you a little secret: Matt Drudge's website is the source for more newsrooms in this country, print and broadcast, than any of them will ever admit. It gets millions and millions of hits � and if you read it, you'll find that the "breaking" news the so-called real media publishes, looks as stale as the month-old publications in your dentist's office.... Now, more often than not, the giants of media who think that they, and they alone, should decide what news is fit to print, are told what's news by Drudge himself."

Now anyone idiot with a computer, even one who listens to Rush, can go to Drudge's site and see that there's not a single sentence of original content over there. Zip. If it wasn't for links to other sites, the screen would be whiter than Ann Coulter's fantasy America. All the "breaking news" that Drudge publishes has already been published in the real media. Drudge hasn't broken any news this century.

Not to mention the fact that Rush's reasoning flies completely in the face of the Bias-b.s. he peddles to the afflicted.

Even Rush's slack-jawed fans couldn't swallow this one. Either Drudge is paying Rush for the plug, or he's got some extremely nasty photos of Rush ready to download.

The First Selection Of The Roger Ailes Book Club

"They would be called upon to lead a nation in one of its darkest hours -- but were they up to the task? He had been the wild, hard-drinking scion of one of America's premier political families. She was the school librarian with a warm smile and a tragic secret of her own. Yet after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, they rose to the challenge: He became the embodiment of America's fighting spirit and she assumed the role of "First Comforter" with effortless grace. Still, the true nature of their relationship has remained a mystery.

"Until now.... Christopher Andersen draws on important sources -- many speaking here for the first time -- to paint a vivid, sometimes startling, often inspiring portrait of America's First Couple. Among the intriguing insights and stunning revelations: Important new information about 9/11 and its aftermath -- including a gripping moment-by-moment account of how the President and First Lady coped as the horrific drama unfolded.The true extent of George W.'s drinking problem, the strains it put on his marriage, and the ultimatum that changed his life -- and the course of history.Their heartbreaking battle against infertility and how close Laura came to dying in childbirth.The early tragedies that shaped them, including the car crash caused by a teenage Laura that took the life of a former boyfriend -- and changed her life forever. Laura's surprising behind-the-scenes influence on U.S. policy -- foreign and domestic.The pressures of raising headstrong twin daughters in the glare of the media -- and how 9/11 has brought the Bushes and their children closer together than ever before.

"George and Laura is a compelling look at their unique partnership, and the courage, grace, and humor that defines it. It is a stirring wartime saga of triumph and tragedy and, above all, a uniquely American love story."

Read it on the crapper, purge, and then e-mail us your questions to Barbara Cartland, er, Christoper Anderson.

As David Horowitz would say:

20,000 Communists!

Which illustrates the difference between a righteous man and a prick.

As it is now our solemn moral obligation to denounce racist local shock-jocks that we've never heard of, let me denounce this guy.

There, I feel much better. Better than you, that is.

p.s. Don't hold your breath waiting for Tim Russert to grill Norm Coleman on this one.

Damn, I'm Good

"Fox News is asking the United Nations for permission to send reporters and camera crews along if U.N. weapons inspectors return to Iraq....'Some television outlet ought to volunteer to eat the cost of showing everything worldwide,' says Fox News Chairman Roger Ailes. 'Why not let the world in on what's going on? . . . If the American people can see the U.N. live and working, I don't see it hurting the U.N.'"

I just hope like hell no one tries this stunt with the Florida election.

Is Hitch enlisting in the R.A.F., or has he just picked up the affectations of royalty?

Among Friends (Fifth In A Series)

Non-Celibate, Non-Bigoted Washington Times Columnist Thomas Sowell Welcomes His New Colleague: "Even as regards the pedophile priests, the media shy away from the plain fact that these cases are primarily cases of homosexual abuse of children. Fear of the homosexual lobby always seems to immobilize our crusading journalists, despite their brave talk about 'the public's right to know' in other contexts. That same fear also immunizes the North American Man/Boy Love Association from criticism. [Para.] The blaming of celibacy in the priesthood for the sexual exploitation of children has been a red herring. Most of these pedophile priests did not go after females. They wanted boys."

Bonus Display of Tolerance: "When gay activists have come into schools to propagandize children, in the name of 'AIDS education' or 'diversity,' and left cards with addresses of local homosexual hangouts, supposedly 'responsible' officials have been more concerned with keeping these facts from the children's parents than with protecting the children themselves."

The Rush Limbaugh Axis

Kevin Phillips coins the phrase.

Nominations, anyone?

Daylight Savings Time, One World Government Arrive Without Fanfare

"'Walter Mondale chaired a commission that was for the privatization of Social Security worldwide....,' former House speaker Newt Gingrich (R-Ga.) said on NBC's 'Meet the Press.'" (Emphasis added.)

In other news, the Heritage Foundation has declared intellectual bankruptcy.

David Horowitz is on a mission. He's taking out ads in college newspapers to warn at-risk youth about the subversive dangers of Belafonte-ism. But one man can only do so much, and, anyway, he came up with the idea, so why should he have to pay for it too?

"But to place this ad, we need to raise the $58,000.00 media budget in less than ONE WEEK. I need your help. Now. Please help out with a contribution of $500, $250, $100 or $25."

I urge all Horowitz supporters to "give 'til it hurts" and then give even more. If only one Berkeley sophomore is stopped before he or she illegally downloads cuts from Calypso, then there is hope for the future. And, if this campaign is successful, Horowitz will be able to warn our kids about other self-hating African-American agitators: Paul Robeson, Frederick Douglass, Shari Belafonte-Harper and Satan.

Update. Someone has sourced part of the Moonie Times' report that both sniper suspects were known to speak sympathetically about the September 11 hijackers. The Washington Post quotes a former acquaintance of John Muhammed, who quotes Muhammed as saying "it [the attacks] should have happened a long time ago."

Very disturbing. Certainly as offensive as saying, "my only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." Muhammad could have had a sucessful career at Frontpage Magazine, except for that disfiguring skin condition.

Among Friends (Fourth In A Series)

Nepotist and Washington Times Columnist David Limbaugh Welcomes His New Colleague: "No one captures the gay-lesbian agenda more incisively than Reid Buckley, in 'U.S.A. Today: The Stunning Incoherence of American Civilization,' his brilliant and sobering book documenting (and lamenting) the decline of American culture across the board. [Para.] 'Tolerance and compassion for homosexual friends and acquaintances is one thing, and good; another thing, and bad, is obsequiousness by 'straight' society before the strident gay and lesbian lobbies,' says Mr. Buckley. 'They are belligerent, coercive and intolerant. That is, they practice the evils that they accuse the "straight" majority of practicing. In defiance of biology, reason and codes of morality dating back 5,000 years, they wish not merely to have their sexual usage deemed normal, but their every demand normative. What they seek is not so much acceptance by society as destruction of the basic social unit, which is the heterosexual family. For them, that is the enemy.'"

Melissa Votes Democratic Those citing Melissa Etheridge's singing the National Anthem at the World Series as a sign of progress are little slow on the uptake. Two years ago, Ms. Etheridge sang a patriotic medley to open another nationally televised event, The Democratic National Convention. Earlier that same year, Texas Republicans turned their back on Representative Jim Kolbe when he spoke on trade issues at the Republican National Convention, while other, more compassionate, Republicans offered to help Kolbe find a "way out" of his homosexuality. No wonder Ms. Etheridge raised money for Bill Clinton and Al Gore, and not their Republican counterparts.

But what's the Moonie take on Melissa? Well, Washington Times columnist Brent Bozell had this to say about Etheridge's family: "This is America's dream factory, a place where lesbian motherhood becomes mainstream, and conventional morality is relegated to the fringe. Hollywood vs. America, indeed." Redbeard also called Etheridge's family "Hillary's Village gone mad."

The question to be asked is therefore a simple one: Are you in favor of bigotry or against it? If you're against it, how can you not criticize and, indeed, ostracize a bigot like Bozell?

On Language

This site frequently uses vulgar language. The same points could be made without vulgar language, but this site really likes vulgarity, profanity, scatology and the like. Rest assured, however, that all profanity used on this site has been pre-tested and certified as family-friendly by a Blue-Ribbon Panel comprised of George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush, Barbara Bush and Steve Largent.

Little Mickey Kaus "thinks" this tribute to Paul Welstone "is sincere, and moving." Is it possible Helms could have have put less effort into that press release? Only if he had Steve Largent's staff write it for him.

Slimin' Simon Sued For Slander

Well, at least he'll have something to do with all his free time after November 5.

Another tragic shooting spree by an anti-American, anti-white, illegal immigrant, al-Queda sleeper. I just hope they don't let him go because of his race. Connect the dots, people.

Oh ... wait ...

C-SPAN is an invaluable forum for the 2002 elections. It's broadcasting all the Senate debates. No slimy FOX spin, no idiot sniper coverage and no commercials. Just watched Former Okla. Governor Walters slaughter cranky wingnut James Inhofe. Georgia moderate Max Cleland is holding his own against chickenhawk Chamblis.

I'm begining to bore myself. It's too easy. One last kick to the dead horse and then on to more deserving unworthies.

1. Hey, Tony Blankley, what's the going rate for "work" which consists of quoting your competitor verbatim, and then simply repeating the work of another columnist (which has already run in your paper, for cripes' sake)? How much is he paying you, $100, $200? More?

2. How is calling Ariel Sharon a "maniac" anti-semitism?

3. What the fuck are "predictions of judgment?"

It's Saturday night and the hits just keep on comin'.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Warbloggers' National Anthem.

And don't forget the G.O.P.'s 2002 campaign theme song.

A Timely Reminder From The Republican Party

On November 5, don't forget to set your clocks back thirty years.

Sully Outs The President, Or, The Boy Who Cried Homphobia: "When liberals denigrate the president as a 'boy' or as a 'sissy,' to quote Maureen Dowd, homophobia doesn't lurk far behind."

If MoDo's a liberal, I'm Joseph Farah.

Among Friends (Third In A Series)

Washington Times Columnist and Celebrity Impersonator Cal Thomas Welcomes His New Colleague: "Last week, ABC News allowed entertainer Rosie O'Donnell to take over two hours of airtime for a one-sided infomercial promoting 'gay adoptions.' [Para.] All of the elements required for breaking down what few social norms remain regarding the family structure were present on 'Primetime Thursday' March 14. First, the celebrity factor. In our postmodern, post Christian, post objective truth generation, celebrity equals credibility. Celebrities have replaced God. When they speak, some people think the rest of us should listen."

But don't call Cal an uncompassionate conservative. All he wants to do is help.

Dick of The Week Cable news gasbag and Imus-licker Bo Dietl is reveling in his good fortune. The violent deaths of 10 people gave him the opportunity to show of his skills as a "profiler." Mr. Dietl (pronounced "Dildo") is quoted in the New York Times gloating, "it's like I picked the right team and won the World Series." Unfortunately, Mr. Dietl was even more inaccurate than he is repulsive: He predicted that the snipers were two "twerpy teens."

[Michelle] Malkin is up to familiar tricks, having a problem with the truth. -- Bob Somerby, showing admirable restraint.

Roger Ailes Goes Interactive

Roger Ailes, the website, now has its own e-mail address. Send your hate mail to rogerailes@hotmail.com.

Two warnings. (1) The spam filter is on high, so make your missive as unspam-like as possible or I'll never see it. Unlike Mickey Kaus, I don't need a larger penis. (2) By e-mailing me, you consent to my use of your e-mail in any manner I see fit. (I will not disclose anyone's e-mail address unless the message sent is abusive, and I will give credit (or withhold it, upon request) for any e-mail, suggestion, etc. I use.)

P.S. Anyone who e-mails me the edit fix for the last two entries will recieve a free lifetime membership to this site.

Update: Technical assistance received and greatly appreciated.

Thick As Shite Award

Consider the following from Andrew S.:

"According to the Washington Post yesterday, the cops stopped the Chevy Caprice on October 8. Here's how the Washington Post describes what happened:

'The blue Caprice discovered today was believed to have been approached in Baltimore by police who found Muhammad sleeping on Oct. 8, the day after a 13-year-old boy in Bowie was wounded as the eighth victim of the sniper, the sources said. The car was spotted in a parking lot off 28th Street, near the exit ramp to Interstate 83. Muhammad was allowed to go, although his name was put into an information data bank in Baltimore, the sources said. 'Everyone was looking for a white car with white people,' said one high-ranking police source. Muhammad and Malvo are black males.'

I'm a little suspicious about the wording here: '... was believed to have been approached ...' But I see no refutation of this incident in today's papers. And then there's the stunning quote: "Everyone was looking for a white car with white people." Get that? There's a word for this: racial profiling. It's wrong in itself but it's simply astounding that this profiling by the police was also followed by the deaths of several more people. Why isn't this a scandal? The only reason the cops - not "everyone," in the weasel words of the "high-ranking police source" - were looking for a white guy was allegedly because only white guys are serial killers or snipers....

"In other words, the whole notion of racial profiling in this case was hooey in the first place. Even if he had been a typical sniper killer, there was close to a 50 percent chance of his being non-white. And yet the cops let a man go because of his race." (Emphasis Sully's.)

Where to begin?

First, let's look at Sully's close, nuanced reading of the quote in question. Sully believes the cops "stopped the Chevy Caprice" while the article says that the vehicle was spotted in a parking lot with Muhammed asleep inside.

More substantively, let's look at the charge of "racial profiling." Assume, for the sake of argument, that Sully's reading of the article (on this point) was correct: The Baltimore P.D. believed for whatever reason that the sniper(s) could only be "white people." (Of course, that requires one to assume that the anonymous "high-ranking source" was accurately characterizing the police position, a conclusion which Sully reaches by rewriting the quote to his liking.) But let's pretend for the sake of argument. Also assume that the police weren't working from bad information, i.e., inaccurate reports of the alleged sniper's race, just as they were working from inaccurate reports of the alleged sniper's vehicle. Let's say that police thought, for no logical reason, that the sniper could only be white. Just because Sully is so desparate for that to be true.

Did this alleged "racial profiling" result in the death of more victims? If you take the quote at face value, and even if you accept Sully's spin: No. "Everyone was looking for a white car with white people." If Muhammad had been a white man, would cops have suspected him? No, because he wasn't in a white car. If the police suspected black men as well, would the cops have suspected him? No, because he wasn't in a white car.

Now let's say that the police didn't limit their suspicions to the occupants of white vehicles. Sully says they shouldn't have ruled out non-white people either. In that case, everyone (or at least every occupant of a vehicle) was a potential suspect. Hardly a helpful profile, let alone reason to suspect Muhammed.

But here's the capper. Sully's conclusion: "And yet the cops let a man go because of his race." A black man was found sleeping in his car, in a public parking lot. My God. What more evidence did the police need? How could they not immediately realize that Muhammad was a black man sleeping in a car, and therefore by definition was the person responsible for shooting eight people? A sane person might say they let him go because they had no evidence Muhammed had committed a crime, not because of his race.

Actually, Sully may have stumbled onto a brilliant crime-stopping tactic. Whenever a crime is committed, everyone who is found sleeping in public the next day must be arrested as the guilty party. Call It The First Law of Sully, the Unintentional Orwellian.

Truth is Stranger Than Sarcasm: "CNN even asked CBS late last week if it would supply real actors � the ones who appear on the CBS prime-time series 'Crime Scene Investigation' � to comment on the case. CBS declined."

Among Friends (Second In A Series)

Washington Times Columnist and Acclaimed Catholic Theologian Don Feder Welcomes His New Colleague: "Gay rights were initially sold as an effort to end police harassment and violence. Today, dissent will not be tolerated (witness the persecution of the Boy Scouts) and marriage, society's most fundamental institution, is under assault by those who would remake it to sanction a lifestyle. [Para.] Recently, the rector of St. Patrick's Cathedral, Monsignor Eugene Clark, gave a sermon relating the church's sex-abuse scandal to homosexuality in the priesthood and the nation's general moral decline. Clark called the United States 'probably the most immoral country in the Western Hemisphere.' [Para.] After the publication of Levine's book by a distinguished academic press, he'll get no argument from me."

Bonus Money Quote: "Amending the U.S. Constitution is the only way to stop judges from repealing the laws of nature."

Sympathy and The Devil

The Moonie Times continues brainwashing its feeble-minded followers with this dubious report: "Both [sniper suspects] were known to speak sympathetically about the men who hijacked jetliners over Washington, New York and Pennsylvania, the sources told the newspaper." ("The sources" are "several federal sources," and "the newspaper" is The Seattle Times.)

Leaving aside the third-hand hearsay of this report, what exactly is it supposed to mean? They expressed sympathy that the men were dead? They expressed sympathy for the hijackers' beliefs? If so, which beliefs? Known to who? I have no doubt there are "federal sources" who would like to tie the shootings to War on Terror, but this is garbage, not news.

The Lie of The Liberal Press

�To the extent people assume there are two liberal editorial pages�the New York Times and the Washington Post�that�s erroneous.... The Post cannot be called liberal. At times, I like it better than the Wall Street Journal.� Terry Eastland, publisher of the Weekly Standard, Exposing The Right-Wing Media Monopoly in The Nation's Capitol.

Among Friends (First In A Series)

Washington Times Columnist and Admitted Slanderer L. Brent Bozell Welcomes His New Colleague: "The New York Times is clearly embracing this position in the culture war, using their packages of newsprint and ink multiplied by the millions to boldly state that marriage requires no gender distinctions; to reject the supremacy of the natural combination of male and female strengths in marriage; and to thumb its nose at apparently quaint notions of God's judgment and sacred scriptures as if they were yesterday's bird-cage liners. Truly moderate media watchers, even the many conservatives who instinctively shirk at [sic] a homosexuality debate, should acknowledge the obvious: by taking this radical step, even the Times should concede it's no impartial observer of the culture. The Times is promoting all the sin they think is fit to print." (Illiteracy in original.)

The Gospel According to Lithum

"Did someone unrecorded by history see a light in the hut on the hill and come to help Mary and Joseph that night? Maybe there was an old woman with moles and wens and a sharp bent nose, a woman almost comically ugly, like a witch in a child's Halloween book. Maybe she lived in isolation, never left her small hovel, but she felt called to assist, tugged by some wonder that pierced her estrangement. She helped with the birth, and hers was the first face he saw. Her outer appearance was an expression of the inner wounds he came to heal. As if she were the physical representation of the state of man's soul. Maybe it was she who wrapped him in rags; maybe she bent down, breathed him in, her face bathed in the warm mist of a brutal birth on a frosty night. Maybe when she returned home she was beautiful. But no one knew, and it all went unrecorded, because she never left the house again. And never knew she had been made lovely." Peggy Noonan, Lunatic (From Her Column "What If Waylon Flowers' Puppet, Madame, Was Present At The Birth of Christ?")

The Overnights

FOX News, CNN and MSNBC ratings are up with their latest joint venture, CSM: Crime Scene Masturbation.

NOSTRADUMBASS AWARD

"Don't you think the D.C. sniper, while probably not a member of an organized terrorist group, is quite likely to be a politically-motivated individual 'volunteer,' like the Egyptian immigrant limo driver who shot up the El Al counter at L.A.X. on July 4?" Little Mickey Kaus

Please welcome FOX News Channel's newest contributing editor

I'm thinking of giving him Drudge's old slot.

Gay Man Endorses Homophobe

An erstwhile gay man has endorsed a Montana Politician whose current political platform consists entirely of the proposition that being called a gay man is slander.

It's tragic to see Andy abandon his "No Fats, No Fems" pledge so easily.

Queer As Dorks

Lacking anything substantive to say, some dull-witted bloggers have chosen instead to indulge in a bit of facile moral relativism: Equating ridicule of Andrew Sullivan with "homophobia."

For these folks, I have just three words:

Suck my dick.