Sunday, January 08, 2006

Roger's Year In Review Quiz: The Answers

Part I - Who Said It?

1. Harriet Miers; 2. George Bush; 3. Nick Kristof; 4. also Nick Kristof; 5. Randy "Duke" Cunningham; 6. John "Assrocket" Hinderaker; 7. James Guckert; 8. Pat Robertson; 9. Doughy Pantload; 10. Dennis Prager; 11. Bill Frist; 12. Scooter Libby; 13. Michelle Malkin; 14. Barbara Bush; 15. John Midgeson Podhoretz; 16. Michael Brown; 17. Susan Estrich; 18. Jeff Jarvis; 19. Jack Abramoff; 20. Condoleezza Rice.

Part II - Dr. Phil in the Blank

1. ongoing investigation; 2. Sunday; 3. black people; 4. drink-soaked former Troskyist popinjay; 5. Run Amok; 6. white women; 7. terrorists; 8. Nowhere; 9. bullshit; 10. last throes

Part III - Grand Old Police Blotter

1. m; 2. g; 3. f; 4. j; 5. a; 6. l; 7. k; 8. p; 9. b; 10. c; 11. n; 12. r; 13. s; 14. i; 15. h; 16. d; 17. t; 18. e; 19. q; 20. o

Status as of 12/31/05: Accused: Bush, Ney, West, Sherwood, Williams; Indicted: Safavian, Libby, Black, Noe, Abramoff, DeLay; Convicted (including guilty pleas): Cunningham, Kidan, Taft, Dasen, Franklin, Fox, Tobin, Greene, Scanlon


Part IV - Liars In Love

1. f; 2. i; 3. b; 4. e; 5. j; 6. g; 7. d; 8. a; 9. h; 10. c

Part V - Multiple Guess

1. e; 2. c; 3. d; 4. d; 5. a; 6. b; 7. d; 8. d; e. 9. c; 10. c (it's gone up a couple of billion since the question was posted).

Update: Click on the title (open in a new window) to see the questions.

Update II (1/9/05): Corrected as per comments.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

"Don't do the right thing looking for a reward, because it might not come."

Grand Old Police Blotter: Pastoring Edition

Please join Southern Baptist Convention executive committeeman Lonnie Latham and turn to page 69 in your hymnal.

Do you wanna ride?
Baby
Let me tell you
I've been watching you

See you dancing in my dreams
Feel you heartbeat inside of me
So if you feel it coming on
Catch me getting in the mood

Boy
I'll give you anything
Cruising's all you have to do

Do you wanna ride in my Mercedes, boy?
Tell me what you're gonna do with me
'cause if you wanna ride in my Mercedes, boy
There are so many things that I'm gonna do to you

Friday, January 06, 2006

Mooned and Gagged

Son of A Bigot Wes Pruden has announced a new policy concerning blogging by Moonie Times writers:

"Any staff member who sends an e-mail or written correspondence or posts an item to a blog or other electronic posting service must always avoid comments that would reflect adversely on The Washington Times generally or the staff member's professionalism."

Fran "the Klan" "the Man" Coombs denies the new policy has anything to do with Audrey Hudson's wackjob blog response to a Media Matters critique.

I'd say the memo had something to do with the racist ravings of Moonie Times reporter R.S. McCain on FreeRepublic, but that was more than three years ago and Pruden and Coombs no doubt think McCain's comments reflect positively on McCain's professionalism.

Dear Pruden also says that "[a]t a minimum, editorializing about a topic or person can reveal an employee's personal biases, if he or she has any." McCain's bias in favor of burning crosses was certainly revealed by his blatherings at Freeperville.

The question now: Will Pruden allow McCain to maintain his site in light of this new directive, or will the site disappear? If it remains, it must have the blessing of Pruden and Coombs.

Alternative scenario: Somebody at the Moonie Times posted some dirt about the One True Pappy in a blog's comments section, and the paper tracked the comment back to a Times computer.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Mister Ed's History Lesson

Fresh from imploring the Nation's most influential blogger to "kiss [his] entire ass," Mister Ed Morrissey demonstrates that his knowledge of American history is, to be charitable, nonexistent.

Special Ed argues that he is the Cheeto-stained descendant of Patrick Henry, who, Ed says, was merely a flatuent chickenhawk, much like Ed himself. Writes Ed:

"Of course, that slur [chickenhawk] would be ludicrous to use on Patrick Henry. Instead of picking up a gun and commanding an army, Henry relied on his better skills and went into politics and rhetoric [sic] to fight for freedom. He urged the armed uprising as one of the leading pundits of his age [sic], from his seat in the Virginia Assembly and as governor of the independent Commonwealth of Virginia. His proclamation for liberty or death did not mean that he intended on grabbing his pistol and run out [sic] into the nearest battle he could find.

Or maybe it did:

The incident began on April 20, 1775, a day after the Battle of Lexington and Concord, an event with some parallels. Lord Dunmore attempted to remove the gunpowder where it was stored in a magazine in Williamsburg, Virginia to an armed British ship in the James River. Dunmore saw rising unrest in the colony and sought to deprive Virginia militia of supplies needed for insurrection. The Second Virginia Convention had elected delegates to the Continental Congress. Dunmore issued a proclamation against electing delegates to the Congress, but did not take serious action. Patrick Henry's "Give me liberty or give me death" speech at the Second Convention and the accompanying resolution calling for forming an armed resistance made Dunmore think "think it prudent to remove some Gunpowder which was in a Magazine in this place.".... Dunmore gave a key to Lieutenant Henry Colins, commander of H.M.S. Magdalen, and ordered him to remove the powder.

On the night of April 20, royal marines loaded fifteen half barrels of powder into the governor's wagon before they were discovered. Local militia rallied to the scene, and riders spread word of the incident across the colony....

As word of the incident spread, militia from Hanover, Albemarle, Orange, and, under the advice of George Washington, Fredericksburg, began to move on Williamsburg. These militias learned of the events in Lexington and Concord at about the same time they began to march. The Hanover militia, led by Patrick Henry, reached Williamsburg first, arriving outside of the city on May 3. That day Dunmore's family escaped to the H.M.S. Fowey and the governor sent a request for reinforcements to Boston.

For several days, a standoff ensued. Henry waited outside Williamsburg with between 150 and 500 militia while Dunmore threatened to destroy Williamsburg and have the Navy fire on Yorktown if there was an attack. Carter Braxton negotiated a resolution to the Gunpowder Incident by agreeing to have £330 in royal funds transferred from the accounts managed by his father-in-law, Richard Corbin, Deputy Collector of the Royal Revenue in Virginia, as payment for the powder. The militia left, and Henry joined the rest of Virginia's delegation at the Continental Congress.

More here and here.

So Patrick Henry did pick up a weapon, did lead an armed militia, and did engage a well-armed enemy. Not to mention that he faced a serious risk of death or physical injury in retaliation for his rebellious speech.

True, Henry never faced death by choking on a Ring Ding while beating off three Romulan warriors in online fantasy battle, but times were different then.

Give Ed ignorance, or give him death. Just don't bother him with facts.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Denny's

The House Speaker, tripped up by a botched conspiracy to dine 'n' dash?

WASHINGTON -- The guilty plea by lobbyist Jack Abramoff could bring renewed scrutiny of a letter sent by House Speaker Dennis Hastert of Illinois to Interior Secretary Gale Norton urging her to block an Indian casino opposed by rival tribes represented by Abramoff just one week after the lobbyist hosted a fundraiser for Hastert's political action committee.

Many in official Washington, Republicans and Democrats, were scrambling Wednesday to try to distance themselves from Abramoff -- Hastert among them -- fearing that they could be tainted by even the appearance of an association with the now disgraced lobbyist.

Abramoff pleaded guilty this week to corruption charges and agreed to cooperate with federal prosecutors in a broadening investigation of bribery in Washington, which Abramoff admitted included the exchange of campaign contributions and other favors for official assistance to his clients. As part of his plea agreement, Abramoff is expected to help investigators determine whether others, including elected officials, broke any laws.

Indian tribes represented by Abramoff donated more than $20,000 to Hastert around the time of the fundraiser, which was held at Signatures, a Washington restaurant owned by Abramoff. Hastert's campaign committee did not pay the tab for the June 3, 2003, luncheon fundraiser until last year, following media inquiries about the unpaid check.

Here's hoping Hastert turns up on Abramoff's menu.

Down Around The Ankles

That's where Osama's Pajamas aka Pantload Media aka Depends Media* has fallen.

Most of the posts are now simply links to other blogs, where you can "Continue reading" Michelle Malkin's deepest thoughts about Bill O'Reilly or join in a "Rose Bowl Game Day Open Thread."

Did you know Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered another stroke? Yes, but did you know Roger el-Simon has some thoughts about it?

They're barely pretending any more.

* Gotta use these all once more, before it's too late.

Roger's Year In Review Quiz answers will be posted by the end of the week.
Doug Bendownlo, Male Gigolo

At The Corner, Jonathan Adler vouches that his pal Doug Bandow is a high-class ho:

"On a personal note, I've known Doug for many years, and I certainly hope he lands on his feet. While taking money from Abramoff was dumb, there's no question that Doug is a man of principle who would not change his opinions for small amounts of money."

Oh, when times get tough enough, I except we'll see Doug by the freeway on ramp, opining for spare change.

(1/4/06, 12:54 PM; link's not working for me, and it's not worth the effort.)

Meanwhile, the Doughy Pantload's bored with the Abramoff story, but manages to yawn out his belief that "K-Street corruption" stories were more plentiful under the Clenis. Bats' Boy should be renting out his head as storage space.

In the San Francisco Bay Guardian, Tim Redmond attempts to emulate the Esquire Dubious Achievement Awards with his own 2005 "Off-Guard Awards," and lays down this offensive quip:

"Whoops, that means he still might be able to reproduce, which is not exactly a boon to the gene pool.

"A woman angry with her boyfriend, who was trying to leave her, convinced him to let her tie his arms to the bed during sex; she then cut of his penis and flushed it down the toilet. Utility workers recovered it, and doctors reattached it."

Deadly assault = comedy gold at the expense of the victim. Stick to PG&E bashing, Timmy.

Sums Of The Pioneers

George Bush is giving away a whopping 6 percent of the filthy lucre with which Jack Abramoff greased his palm.

Abramoff raised more than $100,000 for the Bush-Cheney reelection [sic] campaign, making him an honorary Bush "Pioneer." But the campaign is giving up only $6,000, which came directly from Abramoff, his wife and one of the Indian tribes the lobbyist represented. The money will be donated to the American Heart Association.

(The so-called liberal NYT fails to even mention that fun fact, merely mentioning the 6K and not the additional 94-plus.)

If Bush-Cheenee '04 had invested 94K in, say, KBR or Google, since the 2004 election cycle, it would have cleared a nice profit from the use of Abramoff's Pioneer payola. It probably would have broke even with a 17-month CD.

Meanwhile, Kerry-Edwards had nothing to return or give away.

And the hunt is on for photos of Abramoff slipping Bush some Hanukkah gelt at any of the three Hanukkah receptions Jackoff attended at Bush's invitation.

Twelve dead.

Rest in peace.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Representative Number One

Justice Like A River

"Your honor, words will not be able to ever express how sorry I am for this, and I have profound regret and sorrow for the multitude of mistakes and harm I have caused," a contrite [sic] Abramoff told Huvelle in court today. "All of my remaining days, I will feel tremendous sadness and regret for my conduct and for what I have done. I only hope that I can merit forgiveness from the Almighty and from those I have wronged or caused to suffer. I will work hard to earn that redemption."
May God have mercy on your soul, Jack. And may United States District Judge Ellen S. Huvelle send your ass to prison for the next 30 years of your remaining days.

Wide World of Denial

Let's check the reax to the Abramoff plea across the Republican wingnutosphere.

Depends Media: "It may be just another wave of a rumor that has been swirling for some time, but the Los Angeles Times writes in its predictions for 2006 that Google will make a big announcement next Friday at the CES computer show in Las Vegas."

Mister Ed: "...Markos can kiss my entire ass."

InstaCracker: "THE WSJ LAW BLOG has an Abramoff guilty plea roundup."

BrokebackLine: The usual delusional crap; nothing about Abramoff.

Hugh Fuckwit: "The Abramoff scandal is a big DC story and even a potentially national story...."

Michelle Malice: "The Democrats are somehow involved, though I can't explain how." (paraphrase)

Roger el-Simon: Too busy researching Swiss banking and extradition treaties to blog today.

The Corner: "BABY NAMES [Kathryn Jean Lopez] This is a cool site."

Kudlow's Nose Candy Politic$: Lists line up for teevee show, nothing about Jackoff.

But here's my favorite, from NewsBusters.Org:

Matthews Calls Abramoff "Satan", Uses Phrase "Republican Culture of Corruption"
Posted by Ian Schwartz on January 3, 2006 - 15:38.

In an appearance on MSNBC today just after 1 PM Eastern time, Chris Matthews didn't accuse Jack Abramoff of being in the "Republican culture of corruption", but still uses the term:
MATTHEWS: He's cut a deal. The deal means he has to talk and that means if he's plead guilty to bribery that means he's bribed people. (Editor's Note: Thanks Chris for telling us the meaning of bribery) That means he's going to tell people who he bribed and that could be a half-dozen Congressman, it could be more, we've seen reports of more than 20 people involved here, including staffers. Mostly Republicans, not all Republicans who've figured in this story so far. I think it's going to be a big, sleezy story. I'm not sure it's partisan. I'm not sure people are going to see him as part of any Republican culture of corruption.
Matthews then went on to describe Abramoff's looks -- which was kind of scary -- and called him "Satan."

Tweety spins for the G.O.P., dismissing the concept of a Republican culture of corruption, and Ian still gets his knickers in a twist. Keep all sharp objects away from Ian.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Welcome To The Grand Illusion

Welcome to the Grand Illusion
Come on in and see what's happening
Pay the price, get your tickets for the show
The stage is set, the band starts playing
Suddenly your heart is pounding
Wishing secretly you were a star

Pay no attention to the man behind the guilty plea, says Cliffie Kincaid. It's just a Grand Illusion:

The Washington Post is in its scandal mode, hoping to hype the Jack Abramoff affair into something that will threaten Republican control of the House in the 2006 elections.

...

But because the names of Abramoff and DeLay were linked in the same article, the impression was created that there was something sinister going on. This is the name of the game -- create a lot of smoke and hope the authorities light the fire by pressuring Abramoff to plead guilty to something. Then we can anticipate countless more stories about the Abramoff affair right up to election day.

Nothing to see here, move along.

But don't be fooled by the radio
The TV or the magazines
They show you photographs of how your life should be
But they're just someone else's fantasy

Look, over there! It's George Soros!

This is one reason why you seldom read anything critical of George Soros. He funds some of the "watchdog groups" that supposedly monitor this "problem" of campaign financing for the public and the press.
"Watchdog groups!" "Problem!" "Quotation Marks!"

So if you think your life is complete confusion
Because you never win the game
Just remember that it's a Grand Illusion
And deep inside we're all the same.

And deep inside, Cliff's just insane.

But the new book, Media Cleansing: Dirty Reporting, documents how the fingerprints of the Soros network were all over the rationale for the U.S./NATO military operation in Kosovo. It was an operation conducted without the approval of the U.S. Congress or even the U.N. that Soros loves so much. The book by veteran journalist Peter Brock thoroughly documents how the Clinton Administration waged an illegal and unconstitutional war on Serbia for the benefit of radical Muslims in league with Osama bin Laden.
Look, Osama's giving Clinton an Islamofascist blowjob!

You're a troubled old man, I can tell, Cliffie.

Someday soon we'll stop to ponder what on Earth's this spell we're under
We made the grade and still we wonder who the hell we are
The New Year has broken with various calls to arms:

Contribute

Expose

Impeach

Shine On

The Wall Street Journal's First Smear Of The New Year

In its first edition of the New Year, the Wall Street Journal allows a Republican hack to smear a generous Democrat.

Ted Hayes, a recent Republican convert who imagines himself a homeless activist, writes:

Here's how the situation played out. Recently, I was invited to address a local Republican Women's Club; my landlord read an article in the local paper reporting on the event. Soon after, I received a notice raising the Dome Village rent from $2,500 a month to $18,330. Shocked, I inquired as to the seriousness of the change, and the property owner blurted out that the cause of our "eviction" was "because you are Republican." He said that as a Democrat, he was tired of helping me and the Dome Village. In other words, let the homeless be damned.

And people think the Democrats are the party of compassion and tolerance.

Here's the facts, which the Journal understandably omits:

Mike Sidley, the attorney for the limited-liability partnership that owns the land, and son of Milton Sidley, confirmed the rent increase but vehemently denied it had anything to do with politics.

"For 12 years, they've allowed [Dome Village] to remain there at below-market rent," Mike Sidley said Saturday. No one has ever come forward to attempt to purchase it at a market value and donate the land to Dome Village, he added.

Sidley said his clients were upset that Dome Village was announcing the rent increase close to Christmas, placing his clients in a bad light.

"When no one else would step up to the plate [to help Dome Village], my clients did. But there was never a thank you. Never a Christmas card. Nothing," he said. "No one in the city of Los Angeles ever stepped forward."
The owner subsidized "Hayes"'s project for 12 years, and the ungrateful douchebag Hayes thanks the owner by putting the words "let the homeless be damned" into his mouth.

Even more egregiously, Hayes attempts to smear the owner by suggesting he is racist. Hayes lards his article with alleged (and to the extent specifics are mentioned, bogus) claims of racist slurs against African-American Republicans. Yet there's no evidence, or even an allegation, that the owner spoke such slurs against Hayes or anyone else, or that the owner is in any way racist. Hayes and the Journal are the true bigots, by equating the owner's conduct with the alleged biased statements.

Hayes ends his article with the standard Republican lies about "Democrats persecuting black Republicans" and African-Americans "[who] have ourselves curtailed the freedom of political expression through the threat of retaliatory consequences." Here we see the Journal admit, by its actions, that it doesn't have much use for the free market, private property, private charity or freedom of expression. But it loves the G.O.P.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Larry David takes the Mick.

Roundtable For Five

The incest on today's Meet the Press was thicker than on a Tennessee family tree.

Father Tim gave not one but two plugs for Nooners' book, Pope Friction, though Nooners didn't appear on the show. He gave as many plugs to Doris "the Scrivener" Goodwin's Lincoln book. Goodwin didn't disappoint those expecting her obligatory "L.B.J. told me...." anecdote. After the panel fondled John Paul the Late's loafer a while, Jon Meacham mentioned the spectre haunting the roundtable: "Michael Beschloss, our great friend, historian Michael Beschloss."

Then John Meacham labelled Russ Feingold "a sane Howard Dean basically," and they all laughed. And laughed.

Then Pumpkinhead vouched that the entire table was reading Goodwin's book, Goodwin mentioned her priest, Pumpkinhead mentioned his dad, Goodwin called Pumpkinhead "kiddo," and Gene Robinson and Goodwin mentioned as an afterthought that New Orleans is gone.

Then they all had a smoke.