Sunday, February 27, 2011

Sometimes Soaking Is The Solution

In a piece entitled Contraception is Not The Solution, Kathryn J. Lopez writes:

While women may want love and marriage, they don't expect it. Justice Sandra O'Connor wrote in the Planned Parenthood v. Casey opinion that women had "organized intimate relationships, and made choices that define their views of themselves and their places in society, in reliance on the availability of abortion in the event that contraception should fail." And why wouldn't they? Who, nowadays, encourages them to want more?

Why, I can't think of a single person, religious organization, publication, film, website, equality movement or bridal magazine that encourages women to want love and marriage. Whether it's mom passing along the family diaphragm to her eldest daughter, the Abortions column in the Sunday New York Times or the latest Hollywood abort-com chick flick, the only message women get from family, friends and society is fuck 'em and chuck 'em. And let's not even mention K-Lo's own considerable efforts to deny love and marriage to women.

K-Lo doesn't need to get laid, she just needs to get out of the basement once in a while.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Are You Dumber Than A Plumber?

The Right Network, a reported cable television netwerk, is now picking up Depends Media's sloppy seconds. The network is "airing" a talk show featuring failed pretend plumber Joe Wurzelbach interviewing guests in some sort of outbuilding. The slapheaded illiterate has already snagged a coveted interview with Bill Whittle. Titled Whaddya Know, Joe, Wurzelbach's show is scheduled for a 15 second run.

Future low-cost programming from the network includes Walker, Failed Govenor, Scabs with Mickey Kaus and Kelsey Grammer's Drag Race.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Shorter Dr. Helen Smith

"an abortion can cost a ballin' nigga up to 50gs maybe a 100. Gold diggin' bitches be getting pregnant on purpose. #STRAPUP my niggas!"

Fox News Media Critic Even Bigger Hack Than Howard Kurtz

Cal Thomas needs to hire someone more honest to write his columns for him.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Confidential to newspaper reporters: If you write an article about an incriminating tape recording, your readers might like an answer to the question, "Where's the fucking tape recording now?"


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

You Say Mitt, I Say Muff

Someone tell PoliticHo that the correct pronunciation of the incorrect word is not mispronunciation:

Book: Palin used to mispronounce 'Mitt'

Sarah Palin used to pronounce Mitt Romney's name "M-I-L-T."

In one of the many embarrassing anecdotes about the former Alaska governor, former aide Frank Bailey writes in a leaked manuscript that Palin actually argued with some of her staffers about how to correctly pronounce Romney's name.

During her own 2006 campaign for governor, when Romney was chairman of the Republican Governors Association, Bailey writes that Palin didn't seem to know much about the then-Massachusetts governor.

“During the campaign for governor, when Romney was in the background of our Republican Governors’ mess, Sarah didn’t even have a clear idea who he was,” Bailey writes. “As she wrote after the gubernatorial election, ‘I argued with Frank and others, as I insisted his name was Milt, not Mitt.’”

The story is one of several that the disgruntled ex-aide highlights in painting a very unflattering picture of Palin.

Palin correctly pronounced Milt, the word which she was trying to pronounce. She has no trouble pronouncing the letter "t." If she was trying to pronounce Milt and said Milf, that would be mispronunciation. Her error was that she didn't know that Willard the Talking Wigstand's middle name is Mitt.

And it's almost certain she didn't pronounce the name by spelling out its letters ("M-I-L-T"). Although maybe she did when the kids were around.

The title of the article should be "Book: Palin Thought Mitt Romney's Name Was Milt."

I know I'm going to call Romney Milt from now on.

John Galt Meets Ed Hardy

"Doctor" Helen Smith takes a break from shutting up and getting Instacracker a beer to expound on the plight of the victimized male:

After 45 years of being told they are pigs, sexist, and good for nothing, men have quit trying to please others, so they slap on a baseball cap and don’t talk much. And with good reason.


What do you have to offer these men you call child-men if they do man up? Are you going to ensure that they have fair access to their children should they divorce? Will you make sure that they aren't hauled off to jail if the wife makes false accusations of domestic violence? Will you let them keep the earnings and property that they worked for over years rather than have them turned over to their wife, even if she cheated and was abusive? Will you shield the millions of men who live in fear of their significant other but have nowhere to turn for help? Will you make marriage, in other words, as valuable to men as you think it is for women?

I doubt it. What Hymowitz and other authors in this area — see Kathleen Parker’s Save the Males: Why Men Matter, Why Women Should Care for another example — seem to want is for these men to marry women and make them happy. Rather than recognize that they are autonomous beings who are living for themselves and fulfilling their own needs and not a woman’s obligations, these analyses of the “man problem” seem to be all about what women want. [Analyses are people too, dammit! -- R.A.]

Well, such are the fruits of half a century of organizing gender relations along the lines of women's immediate desires. Long term, it has resulted in men bailing out, going "John Galt" in the gender economy. And I can understand the disappointment. But I don’t share it. As you sow, so shall you reap.

The good "Doctor" should open up the Galt's Gulch Domestic Abuse Shelter (No Girls Allowed), to shield those millions (!) of male victims of cunning whores who beat the shit out of them, falsely accuse them of abuse and take all their money. Why, her comments section alone is crawling with punch-drunk suckers who didn't have the ball caps to fight back.

(It's Depends Media - no link)

Walker Swallows Fake Koch

It had to be said.

Walker gives good hed.

That too.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Talking Points Mammal

We can no longer trust a word Josh Marshall says:

When I was a little kid I used to like watching battles between boffo lizard monsters like Godzilla and Mothra.

Say what, lepidoptera breath?

The Halt and The Lane

Is Charles Lane stupid or just stupid? Here, Lane offers friendly advice to the rank and file.

If that's the way these guys negotiate, I really wouldn't want to be a public-sector union member in Wisconsin. If they had the interests of their membership at heart, they would give in on bargaining rights, which can always be restored under a friendlier government later -- but keep maximum cash in their members' pockets here and now.

Looks to me as if Wisconsin's union leaders have revealed their preference for political power. They want to preserve collective bargaining at all costs, because without it they will lose the flow of dues money. And without dues money, the unions have no political war chests, and without political war chests, they are no longer power brokers in state and local elections.

Assuming you've graduated from third grade, you'll see where I'm going here. How do those collective bargaining rights get restored under a friendlier government in the future when the union has no power or money to influence state and local elections and thus can't get a friendlier government elected? They don't. And the unfriendly governments that get elected in the future will continue to take maximum cash from the workers' pockets in the then and later, because there's no union around to stop them.

Lane could be a tool of the hard-right union haters, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's mentally impaired.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Jim Hoft For Senate

The G.O.P. needs a man like Jim Hoft in a leadership role.

He can't count, but he's got mad mic skillz!

Life In the Slow Lane

Concerned Charles "The Slow" Lane is concerned. He weeps for the Nation, while the Nation laughs back at him.

Watching events in Wisconsin, Chas. writes:

This is a sad moment for liberalism, for the Democratic Party, and, really, for the whole country.

What hath Chas. distraught?

Union-backed demonstrators, furious at Republican Gov. Scott Walker's plans for reining in public-sector unions, equate him with Hosni Mubarak and Adolf Hitler, in disgusting mimickry of some Tea Party members' inflammatory linkage between Obama and the evil dictators of history. (See Photo no. 10 in this gallery) or Photo 13 in this gallery.

Chas. links to one photo of a person carrying a sign equating Walker with "Mubarak plus Hitler." What is his evidence that the singular sign bearer is union-backed? Your guess is as good as Chas.'s.

What should the demonstrators do, go home because someone else showed up with a Hitler sign?

But wait, there's less.

And, of course, thousands of teachers have abandoned their classrooms to join a boisterous crowd intimidating and obstructing the elected state legislature in Madison -- in scenes reminiscent of the Tea Party's mobbing of Democrats on Capitol Hill during the health-care debate.

This is hypocrisy on an epic scale.

Intimidation? Obstruction? Proof? Don't hold your breath. Perhaps the Post could get Stephen Glass to fact-check Lane's blogposts.

It seems like it was only eleven months ago that the pants-wetting Lane was dryly praising the Tea Baggers for their "characteristically American" spirit, "the spirit of anti-compromise." But one or two offensive signs in a peaceful gathering 30,000 or more concerned citizens petitioning their Legislature makes Lake blubber for our country.

This is hypocrisy that could dance on the head of a pinhead.

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Teabag Film Festival

The box office battle for the wingnut entertainment dollar is on: Atlas Shrugged vs. The Genesis Code:
Kerry Wells (Kelsey Sanders), a college journalist and committed Christian with an effervescent personality, has been assigned to do a story on Blake Truman (Logan Bartholomew) the college's newest and very popular hockey superstar. As a relationship between them begins to develop Kerry finds that Blake, who hides behind a tough and independent façade, is actually struggling through a difficult personal crisis and that he bears the cross of a secret he has kept hidden for years. Blake rebuffs Kerry's suggestion that prayer might help ease his burden; he is convinced that modern science completely disproves the Bible, especially the opening verses of Genesis. Kerry -- who is herself suddenly confronted with a challenge to her faith on another front -- sets out to prove that science and Genesis are not in conflict and her quest leads to a startling revelation. Could it be that what science teaches us about creation and the Story as told in Genesis are both true and in perfect accord!
Spoiler Alert!


P.S. -- The Genesis Code is directed by C. Ponyboy Soulman, and features a cameo by Huckleberry Fred.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

K-Lo's got Bieber Fever, and Forced Pregnancy By Rape Fever

From K-Lo in The Corner:

The Kid Isn’t Bad

February 16, 2011 2:15 P.M. By Kathryn Jean Lopez

... [Quoting Rolling Stone]

He isn’t sure what political party he’d support if he was old enough to vote. “I’m not sure about the parties,” Bieber says. “But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad.” He does have a solid opinion on abortion. “I really don’t believe in abortion,” Bieber says. “It’s like killing a baby?” How about in cases of rape? “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”

A friend e-mails: “You wonder, I’m sure, what Justin Bieber thinks about abortion? … Clearer than some GOP presidential hopefuls.”

Is there an e-mail circulating urging wingnut bloggers to make today "Support Rapists Day"?

Monday, February 14, 2011

Libertarian Fever: Catch It And Watch Your Dick Fall Off

Here's the flipside to Kevin McCullough's piss-and-moan about rude libertarians: Reason Magazine's efforts at pretending that the libertarian infestation of CPAC has any significance beyond the halls of the venue where CPAC was held:

Ron Paul: Something is Happening and You Don't Know What It Is, Do You Mr. Right Wing?

Brian Doherty | February 14, 2011

There's a fantastical "this can't be really happening" feeling to the continued extent and power of Ron Paul's popularity among the most dedicated young activists within the Republican Party, not only to those like me who've been largely cheering him from the margins of the margins of American political power for decades, but also for those who have been actively trying to drive him off even those mrgins.

Wanker, please. The Ron Paul REVULsion will not be realized, regardless of the extreme OCD of Paul's fanniest fan boys. In polls not limited to the clinically insane, Paul's right behind Chris Chrispycreme, which is not a place anyone wants to be.

Also, in the real world, the activists who control the Republican Party aren't libertarian losers, they're the lobbyists who get paid ten grand a day to make sure big government gives bigger businesses everything their hearts' desire. Ron Paul could publish his racist newsletter 'til hell freezes over and the G.O.P. will never let him sit with the grownups.

Still, it's fun to watch the Paulentolgists fling their feces at the neo-con crew.

Libertarians Are The New New Black Panther Party

Kevin McCullough accuses libertarians of disrepectful voter fraud:

In other words, this year's CPAC wasn't about advancing conservatism. Rather, it exposed the radically disrespectful element of the libertine.

It has been the inclusion of the libertarian aspects of the past two years that has thrown the message of conservatism askew in a widely disproportional way.

It is the libertarian in attendance that produced the free pornographic calendar passed out to attendees in 2010. It is the libertarians in attendance who openly promote the inclusion of groups like GOProud, largely as an attempt to silence groups who would speak in strong support of traditional moral values. It is the libertarian in attendance who slandered President George Bush, by claiming his appreciation for the Constitution was best summed up as a "damn piece of paper." It is the libertarian in attendance that proclaimed the war to prevent terrorists from regathering strength and coming after our homeland as "illegal." And it is the libertarian in attendance that eschewed, booed, cajoled and screamed "war criminal" to Vice President Dick Cheney, a man who served his country with commitment and still attempts to help the world understand the threat of the radical Islamic element devising plans to eliminate us and our allies.

Now the libertarians stuffed the ballot box of the CPAC straw poll, and for the second year in a row made it the laughingstock poll in the eyes of the voters. (This year's voters are perhaps more engaged, more aware and more plugged in than ever before.)

McCullogh is seeking the nomination of the Illiteratarian Party. He's eschew in.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I'm Midas Fucking Mulligan!

Is that Kathleen Parker as Stand-Up Reporter Lockjaw? And how much did the Jewelry Theater Center have to pay for the product placement?

Ron Paul REVULsion

Read more about the once and future President of CPAC here.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Bum Rushed

Given the hook by Moses Whine. Oh, the humanity:

[Former New Mexico Governor Gary] Johnson had just moved on to immigration when, all of a sudden, country music began to swell. The day's emcee, Pajama[s] Media's Roger Simon, popped out from behind the curtain and stood to Johnson's right, waiting. Clearly, Johnson's CPAC moment was over.

The Joh[n]son staffer told TPM: "Yeah, they played him off."

Things Get Bitter With Age

Not content with snapping up one geriatric right-winger, The Daily Choler has also raided Renew America's all-star roster for some fresh blood:

Carey Roberts - Carey Roberts is an analyst and commentator on political correctness. His best-known work was an exposé on Marxism and radical feminism.


I'm hoping Roberts and Kaus live long enough to write an expose on radical Marxist feminist immigrant teachers.

I Am Bigger Than A Blogger

Fresh from throwing Paul Mirengoff under the bus, Johnny Assrocket appears at CPAC screeches, "Do you know who I am?"

The credentials line confuses everyone. I spot John Hinderaker, the co-founder of Powerline, Time magazine's 2004 "Blog of the Year." He has found the blogger credentialing line. He's slightly perplexed. "I don't consider myself a blogger," he tells the helpful volunteer. "I do most of my writing online; I write pieces in newspapers." As he's getting sorted out, he runs into Pamela Geller, the "Atlas Shrugs" blogger and warrior against the "Ground Zero Mosque." He explains his blogger predicament to her.

Well, Assrocket, you're certainly no Jim Hoft. But keep trying.

(Hat tip for the title: Brian and Kevin O'Neal.)

Rupert Murdoch, Master of the 24 Hour News Cycle

From the Wingnut Street Journal, Teabag Edition:

FEBRUARY 11, 2011.

Crisis Flummoxes White House President Mubarak's Refusal to Step Down Signals a Loss of Western Influence; Sense of 'Disbelief' After Speech.


WASHINGTON — The defiant tone taken by Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak — and widespread confusion about the meaning of his speech — had White House officials stumbling for their next step in a crisis that was spinning out of their control.

The article goes on ... to .. uh...

FEBRUARY 11, 2011, 11:36 A.M. ET.

Mubarak Resigns, Delegates Affairs to Army


President Hosni Mubarak succumbed to the demands of hundreds of thousands of his countrymen Friday and resigned from office, bringing to an end three decades of autocratic rule.

The announcement was delivered by Egypt's vice president, Omar Suleiman, in a brief statement on state television. Mr. Mubarak delegated control of the country's affairs to Egypt's army, Mr. Suleiman said.

Wingnut stenographer fail.

Show Us The Shekels

Cheney, too, engendered spirited jeering. Anti-war hecklers yelled the following insults: “Show us the shekels, Dick! Show us the shekels”, “Draft dodger!”, “Murderous scum,” “Where’s bin Laden?” and “Liberator,” which was possibly meant ironically.
Contrary to rumors, these shouts did not come from the staff of Reason magazine, who couldn't give a shit if foreigners and the poor die in illegal wars. They were saving their voices so they could shout "Spank me!" at Ron and/or Rand Paul.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Christopher Lee

BAFTA Fellowship winner or dimwitted Republican scumbag? You make the call.

You've Got Fail

How much do teabaggers love free speech and free enterprise? This much:

Florida Republican Rep. Allen West said Tuesday that AOL's purchase of the Huffington Post is a threat to tea party groups' online presence.

West suggested that the business deal gives the left-leaning site more control over federal regulations of the Internet.

"You look out there, you see that AOL has purchased the Huffington Post. Now all of a sudden a very far left liberal blogger such as Arianna Huffington has a huge influence in the Internet world," he said.

"We cannot allow ourselves to be suppressed. We cannot allow them to take over the Internet," he said, as audience members nodded vigorously and started clapping.

That's ten kinds of dumbfuck.

(And speaking of dumbfuck, the author of the PoliticHo article (Simmi Aujla) doesn't identify where West is speaking, or who he's speaking to. PoliticHo blows, and not just Matt Drudge.)

Monday, February 07, 2011

In other news

Compuserve buys for $3,150 in Compuserve stock.

NetZero buys Pajamas Media for $3.15 in dial-up access credits.

Prodigy refuses to buy The Daily Caller, saying The Daily Caller isn't worth shit.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

The Sexorcist

So why isn't this criminal sexual assault?

Human Life International (HLI) revealed on February 2 that Father Thomas Euteneuer, who had been the organization's president since 2000, had stepped down in August 2010 after an investigation into reports of misconduct. The HLI statement came on the heels of another public statement, issued by Father Euteneuer himself, admitting to misconduct.

"The circumstances that led to my departure from HLI were related exclusively to my own decisions and conduct within the ministry of exorcism that I carried out independently from my responsibilities at HLI," Father Euteneuer said. In his personal statement, released January 31, he insisted that his "violations of chastity were limited to one person only, an adult woman." Denouncing internet rumors of further misconduct, Father Euteneuer insisted that he had not been implicated in any other misconduct.

The statement from HLI, released by the organization’s board, offered a somewhat different perspective. "Since the time of Rev. Euteneuer’s resignation, the Board subsequently learned of additional allegations in connection with his exorcism ministry," HLI revealed. The statement indicated that HLI had forwarded the appropriate information to Father Euteneuer’s bishop, and refrained from any further public comment in order to preserve the reputations of all those involved. [Yes, refraining from further public comment about allegations of other misconduct by El Presidente will preserve the reputations of all involved. Just ask BennyXVI! -- R.A.]

Upon leaving HLI, Father Euteneuer returned to the Diocese of Palm Beach, Florida, where he is incardinated. Bishop Gerald Barbarito of Palm Beach has revealed, in a memo to priests of the diocese: "Father Euteneuer has been undergoing intensive evaluation and counseling to address admitted inappropriate crossing of adult heterosexual boundaries on the occasion of carrying out his priestly ministry."

By definition, an exorcism involves a person who is possessed by demons, that is, a person unable to control his or her own body (or, in the real world, a person vulnerable enough to believe in such happy horeshit -- or unable to avoid its imposition upon him/her). If Father Euteneuer believed the adult woman was possessed, any sexual conduct toward her by him was intentional sexual assault. But his main concern appears to be that you know he's not a fag.

Note also the padre's weasel-worded defense:

The violations of chastity happened due to human weakness but did not involve the sexual act.

Is this dick attempting to say that he only had impure thoughts about "crossing adult heterosexual boundries" with an "adult woman"? Is he saying his assault didn't involve his genitals? If the padre won't even describe what he's done while he's trying to exculpate himself, his contrition doesn't mean shit. And neither do his attempts to play the victim.

National Review Online, which covered a 2007 pissing match between the padre and Sean Hannity in which Sean came out in favor of birth control, is so far silent about this hero of the pro-life movement. I'm guessing they'll say that the padre was another victim of demon possession and rightfully should be collecting workers' compensation benefits for his suffering.

Turning Over A New Page


"[Former GOP Representative Mark] Foley headlined a meeting of the Palm Beach County Young Republicans last week. According to the group's president, Foley was met with a warm response.

'His speech was wonderful, Young Republicans President Jackie Fay told CNN. 'He spoke about the slate of freshman officials in the House and the Senate, how the American public will hold them accountable and not accept things as they were.'

Foley also touched on government debt and the importance of the Young Republicans to the national party.

Asked if he was nervous about giving the speech, Foley responded, "Not at all. I just imagined the audience in their underwear. Three years ago."

Atlas Tugged

Sign up for the Atlas Shrugged Movie newsletter* for a chance at winning an Official Atlas Shrugged Movie Crew jacket OR 2 tickets to the first private screening of "Atlas Shrugged" on February 24th at The Backstage Theatre in Culver City, California**. Winner's choice.

. . .


a. The Promotion is open to all persons who are 18 years of age or older and who reside in the USA. This Promotion is subject to all applicable federal, state and local laws and regulations and is void where prohibited.

b. The winner must provide valid government-issued photo identification and provide their complete address, social security card, date of birth and phone number to claim a prize.
Two questions:

1. Since The Daily Choler is bringing in Midget Mickey Kaus to replace S.E. Cupp, will Tucker force Kaus to pose for a cheesecake headshot?

2. If so, will it be more or less revolting than the Jim Treacher legshots?
Simple Answers to Libertarian Dumbfucks

A dumbfuck writes:

I just got off the phone with a longtime friend — a successful Egyptian business leader. He believes that several hundred thousand people in the streets do not represent the 80 million citizens of Egypt. They represent anarchists, communists, and Islamic extremists — all with an agenda and an axe to grind. He says if you polled the people of Egypt today, the majority would support Mubarak. He says that the backbone of Egypt — the business owners, small business community, and middle class — still supports Mubarak and the military. They are horrified by the mobs in the street and are shocked at Obama's tepid response to the riots and the one-sided portrayal of the situation by the U.S. media.

My friend asked a simple but powerful question [sic]: "If several hundred thousand people rioted on the streets of New York and demanded Obama be removed, would that represent all of America's three hundred million citizens? Would the media report this meant the end of the Obama regime?"

No. And yes.

Friday, February 04, 2011

Failing Down

It didn't take Tina Brown long to flush Mickey Kaus at Newsweek, but the hairless hack has bobbed up again at The Daily Choler:

Kaus was also the co-founder of the long-running "Conventional Wisdom Watch" at Newsweek. He will join Daily Caller veteran Jim Treacher, author of the sites [sic] Daily Trawler.

Turns out Tucker Carlson had more change in his couch cushions than Joe Farah and Lucianne Goldberg. Still, I give it two weeks before Tucker shoves Kaus into the path of an SUV to generate traffic.

It was just four months ago that Kaus was pretending to be thrilled about Newsweek's pity hire:

"I'm very happy to be at Newsweek, a great magazine filled with talented people and friends with whom I've worked twice before," Kaus said in a statement. "I look forward to mixing it up in the coming debates during a difficult time for the country."

I can't imagine why Newsweek didn't consider Kaus's incessant but sporadic whining about immigrants and unions to be internet gold. I can imagine why failed legacy Tucker Faye Carlson does.

P.S. Tucker Faye calls Kaus "one of the funniest people blogging in English." And Tucker Faye knows funny.