In other news

Compuserve buys BigGovernment.com for $3,150 in Compuserve stock.

NetZero buys Pajamas Media for $3.15 in dial-up access credits.

Prodigy refuses to buy The Daily Caller, saying The Daily Caller isn't worth shit.

The Sexorcist

So why isn't this criminal sexual assault?

Human Life International (HLI) revealed on February 2 that Father Thomas Euteneuer, who had been the organization's president since 2000, had stepped down in August 2010 after an investigation into reports of misconduct. The HLI statement came on the heels of another public statement, issued by Father Euteneuer himself, admitting to misconduct.

"The circumstances that led to my departure from HLI were related exclusively to my own decisions and conduct within the ministry of exorcism that I carried out independently from my responsibilities at HLI," Father Euteneuer said. In his personal statement, released January 31, he insisted that his "violations of chastity were limited to one person only, an adult woman." Denouncing internet rumors of further misconduct, Father Euteneuer insisted that he had not been implicated in any other misconduct.

The statement from HLI, released by the organization’s board, offered a somewhat different perspective. "Since the time of Rev. Euteneuer’s resignation, the Board subsequently learned of additional allegations in connection with his exorcism ministry," HLI revealed. The statement indicated that HLI had forwarded the appropriate information to Father Euteneuer’s bishop, and refrained from any further public comment in order to preserve the reputations of all those involved. [Yes, refraining from further public comment about allegations of other misconduct by El Presidente will preserve the reputations of all involved. Just ask BennyXVI! -- R.A.]

Upon leaving HLI, Father Euteneuer returned to the Diocese of Palm Beach, Florida, where he is incardinated. Bishop Gerald Barbarito of Palm Beach has revealed, in a memo to priests of the diocese: "Father Euteneuer has been undergoing intensive evaluation and counseling to address admitted inappropriate crossing of adult heterosexual boundaries on the occasion of carrying out his priestly ministry."

By definition, an exorcism involves a person who is possessed by demons, that is, a person unable to control his or her own body (or, in the real world, a person vulnerable enough to believe in such happy horeshit -- or unable to avoid its imposition upon him/her). If Father Euteneuer believed the adult woman was possessed, any sexual conduct toward her by him was intentional sexual assault. But his main concern appears to be that you know he's not a fag.

Note also the padre's weasel-worded defense:

The violations of chastity happened due to human weakness but did not involve the sexual act.

Is this dick attempting to say that he only had impure thoughts about "crossing adult heterosexual boundries" with an "adult woman"? Is he saying his assault didn't involve his genitals? If the padre won't even describe what he's done while he's trying to exculpate himself, his contrition doesn't mean shit. And neither do his attempts to play the victim.

National Review Online, which covered a 2007 pissing match between the padre and Sean Hannity in which Sean came out in favor of birth control, is so far silent about this hero of the pro-life movement. I'm guessing they'll say that the padre was another victim of demon possession and rightfully should be collecting workers' compensation benefits for his suffering.

Turning Over A New Page

From CNN.com:

"[Former GOP Representative Mark] Foley headlined a meeting of the Palm Beach County Young Republicans last week. According to the group's president, Foley was met with a warm response.

'His speech was wonderful, Young Republicans President Jackie Fay told CNN. 'He spoke about the slate of freshman officials in the House and the Senate, how the American public will hold them accountable and not accept things as they were.'

Foley also touched on government debt and the importance of the Young Republicans to the national party.

Asked if he was nervous about giving the speech, Foley responded, "Not at all. I just imagined the audience in their underwear. Three years ago."

Atlas Tugged

Sign up for the Atlas Shrugged Movie newsletter* for a chance at winning an Official Atlas Shrugged Movie Crew jacket OR 2 tickets to the first private screening of "Atlas Shrugged" on February 24th at The Backstage Theatre in Culver City, California**. Winner's choice.

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a. The Promotion is open to all persons who are 18 years of age or older and who reside in the USA. This Promotion is subject to all applicable federal, state and local laws and regulations and is void where prohibited.

b. The winner must provide valid government-issued photo identification and provide their complete address, social security card, date of birth and phone number to claim a prize.

A dumbfuck writes:

I just got off the phone with a longtime friend — a successful Egyptian business leader. He believes that several hundred thousand people in the streets do not represent the 80 million citizens of Egypt. They represent anarchists, communists, and Islamic extremists — all with an agenda and an axe to grind. He says if you polled the people of Egypt today, the majority would support Mubarak. He says that the backbone of Egypt — the business owners, small business community, and middle class — still supports Mubarak and the military. They are horrified by the mobs in the street and are shocked at Obama's tepid response to the riots and the one-sided portrayal of the situation by the U.S. media.

My friend asked a simple but powerful question [sic]: "If several hundred thousand people rioted on the streets of New York and demanded Obama be removed, would that represent all of America's three hundred million citizens? Would the media report this meant the end of the Obama regime?"

No. And yes.

Failing Down

It didn't take Tina Brown long to flush Mickey Kaus at Newsweek, but the hairless hack has bobbed up again at The Daily Choler:

Kaus was also the co-founder of the long-running "Conventional Wisdom Watch" at Newsweek. He will join Daily Caller veteran Jim Treacher, author of the sites [sic] Daily Trawler.

Turns out Tucker Carlson had more change in his couch cushions than Joe Farah and Lucianne Goldberg. Still, I give it two weeks before Tucker shoves Kaus into the path of an SUV to generate traffic.

It was just four months ago that Kaus was pretending to be thrilled about Newsweek's pity hire:

"I'm very happy to be at Newsweek, a great magazine filled with talented people and friends with whom I've worked twice before," Kaus said in a statement. "I look forward to mixing it up in the coming debates during a difficult time for the country."

I can't imagine why Newsweek didn't consider Kaus's incessant but sporadic whining about immigrants and unions to be internet gold. I can imagine why failed legacy Tucker Faye Carlson does.

P.S. Tucker Faye calls Kaus "one of the funniest people blogging in English." And Tucker Faye knows funny.