Rudy Can Fail

And so the Nation is not ready for a phony War on Terror hero with an authoritarian streak and a foreign policy designed by a couple of loons named Podhoretz. Rudy Giuliani is headed to the elephant graveyard, to lie down next to Huckleberry Fred. And just when I learned how to spell his last name.

That only leaves Huckleberry Jnr. and Rudy's Hair Club sponsor, St. John McCain, for the wingnuts to accuse of Crimes Against Big Business, Big Torture and Big Immigrant Hating.

Do I send the carton of razorblades to The Corner now, or do I wait 'til Super Tuesday?

Update (1/30): Roy has all the weeping and wailing.

The California Report

The February 2008 election campaign started more than two months ago, ushered in by television ads promoting the civic virtues of Indian casinos. Since the first of the year, Ron Paul enthusiasts started appearing on freeway overpasses and on street corners, but no one even bothers to give them a shove.

Last week a California-targeted Hillary Clinton commercial appeared in the local ad slot of a basic cable news channel. And this weekend I saw two Clinton supporters passing out literature in a mall and a lonely Mike Huckabee (!) yard sign posted at the end of an I-680 off ramp.

Of course, the major presidential candidates have all been to the Golden State for many months now, flying in to collect campaign cash from hi-tech crowd or the munitions industry. And bumper stickers -- mainly for Obama -- have been spotted here and there, although you're still more likely to see a Kerry/Edwards from '04 or a Bush bashing sticker than one supporting an '08 hopeful.

Frankly, the election seems like it's taking place in another country. But so has almost everything else for the last seven and a half years.

I don't know what's most disturbing part of this story: The restriction on content by the FCC, the exchange rate of the American dollar or the reporter's use of the word "who" in the final paragraph:

US television network ABC may have to pay a fine of $1.4m (£ 707,000) for airing an episode of NYPD Blue which depicted female nudity.

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) said the 2003 show had "multiple, close-up views" of a woman's buttocks before the US watershed.

The FCC deems "sexual or excretory activities" shown in an "offensive" way before 2200 as indecent.

ABC has rejected the claims, saying the buttocks are not a sexual organ.

The proposed penalty has been imposed on all 52 of ABC's stations who broadcast the episode.

G.E. -- We Bring Good Things To Mitt

Willard "Muff" Romney was handed an expensive gift by weapons contractor General Electric last evening. During the Republican debate on MSNBC, Tim Russert favored Muffy with the mother of all softballs, "How much do you hate the Clintons?" (aka "Are you prepared to run against both Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton?") Muffy, of course, gave the teeball a mighty whack and managed a solid single. The other candidates were left to cram their Clinton-bashing in answer to questions not concerning the loathsome couple.

But G.E.'s gift kept on giving. After the debate, Chris Matthews breathlessly declared Muffy's answer the unquestioned highlight of the debate. In a post-debate debriefing, Matthews asked Pumpkinhead about Muff's glorious "moment." Russert at first pretended not to understand which question-and-answer Matthews referred to, but then admitted, in a fit of laughter, that he was well aware Matthews meant Muff's Clinton-bashing response, and was only teasing the aged lech. This morning, MSNBC continues to feature Muffy's brilliant reply -- Deliverance Joe Scarbrough also considered the vacuous response a defining moment -- along with Pumpkinhead's gotcha question to McCain, the one which showed that McCain likely doesn't remember where he hid his Easter eggs.

So the G.E. Primary has ended, and Muff's their man. As the MSNBC all-Republican front continually crowed last night, all of the Floridian NBC affiliates save one carried the debate live, which was the least they could do considering all the advertising cash Muff's handed them. And that's varmint-feed compared to the payoff the G.E. gang will earn on munitions and medical appliances when Muff extends the occupation of Iraq another four years.

"Here is the true meaning and value of compassion and nonviolence, when it helps us to see the enemy's point of view, to hear his questions, to know his assessment of ourselves. For from his view we may indeed see the basic weaknesses of our own condition, and if we are mature, we may learn and grow and profit from the wisdom of the brothers who are called the opposition.

...

"A true revolution of values will soon cause us to question the fairness and justice of many of our past and present policies. On the one hand, we are called to play the Good Samaritan on life's roadside, but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho Road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life's highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.

...

"America, the richest and most powerful nation in the world, can well lead the way in this revolution of values. There is nothing except a tragic death wish to prevent us from reordering our priorities so that the pursuit of peace will take precedence over the pursuit of war. There is nothing to keep us from molding a recalcitrant status quo with bruised hands until we have fashioned it into a brotherhood.

.... "War is not the answer." -- April 4, 1967

We Tell Ourselves Stories In Order To Sell You Di-Tech

South Carolina redeemed itself by electing John McCain eight years after denying him the nomination in a particularly sleazy campaign that never really bothered us much before, the details of which we needn't bother you with. Everybody on the same page? Good.

Roger's Review Corner

Many people(1) have asked about my review of Liberal Fascism: Are You Proud Of Me Now, Mommy?, by Jonah Goldberg. I've finally gotten around to reserving a copy from the library and I'm ninth on the hold list. Given the speed at which Doughy Fatone's fans process information I should get my hands on the book -- and a gallon of hand sanitizer -- in or about July, just as the last unsold copies are returned to the publisher and pulped.

Meanwhile, it's good to see that Doubleday is making reparations for abetting Goldberg's intellectual fraud.

1 By which I mean no one.

Freddy's Dead

In just twelve short hours, Huckleberry Fred will be able to retire to the Hollywood Hills, where Mrs. Thompson or her replacement can devote her days to cleaning Fred's wrinkles.

The Great Right Hope is a deader than Dick Cheney's dick, Mike Huckabee's soul and Jonah Goldberg's brain. The endorsement from Big Pharma's brother, Fredo, was the last of the five hundred last nails in the coffin.

Hollywood Fascism

Jason Apuzzo's dream of advancing from part-time photo processor at Sam's Club to dayshift cook at Carl's Jr. is on the line:

I'm sitting here right now holding my breath over a job which could change my life — which everyday this damned strike goes on means one more day where any one of the millions of things that kill these deals could happen.

Where's my waiver? Why can't I work?

The same reason you couldn't work for the last 6 years before the writers went on strike. You have no talent.

Huckabee Speaks Out In Favor Of The Traditional Definition Of Slavery

Good old Mike Huckabee is wrapping himself in the Klan Kloth. It's nice to know that the cross before which the Reverend Huck kneels has the smell of gasoline and burning wood.

Don't tell John McWhorter. He will never believe this!

The Siegel of Leningrad

Hot on the heels of Liberal Fascism comes Liberal Stalinism, penned by that failed fathead, Lee Siegel. In his slender but pricy tome, Siegel makes the analogy historical:

The vindictiveness and disproportionate influence of the blogosphere is a particularly sore subject. Who is it that "rewrote history, made anonymous accusations, hired and elevated hacks and phonies, ruined reputations at will, and airbrushed suddenly unwanted associates out of documents and photographs"? Mr. Siegel's immediate answer is Stalin. But he alleges that the new power players of the blogosphere have appropriated similar powers.

Yes, and the narcissistic sockpuppet is the Jew of Liberal Stalinism.

(I exaggerate only slightly. The subtitle of Siegel's book is "Being Human in the Age of the Electronic Mob.")

Sprezzy's bill of particulars against the blogosphere includes this incoherent claim:

Better the old press than the new tyranny of bloggers. Their self-interest, he says, makes them more mainstream than any standard news source could possibly be.

But I'm exactly like The New York Times. No one would pay to read this shit on the web, so I give it away for free. What's in it for me?

p.s. It's always good to see the Gray Lady linking to hardcore porn sites.

Even saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp/And it read Huckleberry's a pimp

The Wall Street Journal said that Tuesday was a good day for Fred Thompson:

Another winner yesterday was Fred Thompson, who is competitive in South Carolina and is running as the conservative who can unite the GOP's fractious wings. The former Tennessee Senator has laid out an impressive policy map, but he's suffered in early contests because his heart and energy didn't seem to be in the race. That has changed in recent weeks, especially with his pungent, quick-witted debate performances. If he can do better than Messrs. Romney and Huckabee among conservatives, he could surprise in the Palmetto State and give himself a genuine chance at the nomination.

None of that explains why Huckleberry was a winner on Tuesday. Perhaps he had "12 points behind Huckabee" in the office pool.

Black People Is Crazy

At last, kind words about Senator Hillary Clinton on the Wall Street Journal editorial page -- Hillary probably isn't a despicable racist. But this kind view is advanced to target people even more loathed by the WSJ editorial page -- uppity black folk who challenge what they percieve as racism.

In today's WSJ, James McWhorter wonders:

There are many people in our great land aggrieved over the idea that Hillary Clinton thinks Martin Luther King Jr. was not the hero of the civil rights movement....

Why do people like op-ed columnist Bob Herbert, South Carolina Rep. James Clyburn and countless black bloggers hear a grievous insult in her simple observation? The outcry is so disproportionate to the stimulus that one can barely help suspecting something outright irregular.

I think of a study published last year in the Journal of Black Psychology. It documented that the extent to which black Americans perceive their lives to be affected by racism correlates with symptoms of general paranoia disconnected from racial issues.

To be able to hold in one's mind the notion that Mrs. Clinton would attack King suggests a bone-deep hypersensitivity that overrides sequential reasoning.

Why do black people hear such things? Mental defectiveness is one possibility, and no doubt McWhorter's favorite explanation for all things African-American.

But maybe, just maybe, it's because the media repeatedly misrepresented Clinton's statement in a way which made it look bad. Or maybe its because they've heard McWhorter, the Journal and their ilk for years arguing that Clinton is a phony and a sociopath who, like all Dems, secretly despises African-Americans and cynically manipulates them to keep them on the liberal plantation, living in dependency. Or maybe because Clinton's supporters and staffers have been quoted (and sometimes misquoted) as saying some less-than-liberal things about Clinton's African-American opponent. Or maybe it's because, like a lot of white people who are doing the same thing (including many in the press), they prefer another candidate to Clinton or just hate Clinton and are looking for excuses to bash her.

Naw. Can't be any of those. Black people is crazy.

Because, after all,

This idea seems so illogical that the only way to understand it is to approach it as a puzzle. After all, why would a white person running for president in 2008 dismiss the legacy of King near his birthday, which is celebrated as a national holiday, and right before a primary in a state with a large black vote?

Yes, and why would a white person running for President in 2008 have voted against a national holiday honoring King? Why, indeed? It makes almost as much sense as a bunch of white people running for President in 2008 incessantly claiming that they are the reincarnation of a white person who was President in 1980s and who opposed a King holiday. Or a white person running for President in 2008 who published a racist newsletter in the 1990s. And why would white people running for President in 2008 fall all over themselves to welcome back a tired old racist disk jockey?

McWhorter is paranoid and lacks the ability to reason, but it has nothing to do with his race.

Grand Old Police Blotter: A Reagan Revolutionary Is Busted Edition

There is no God but mammon, and Saint Ronnie is his profit:

WASHINGTON - A former U.S. congressman and delegate to the United Nations was indicted Wednesday, accused of being part of a terrorist fundraising ring that allegedly sent more than $130,000 to an al-Qaida and Taliban supporter who has threatened U.S. and international troops in Afghanistan.

The former Republican congressman from Michigan, Mark Deli Siljander, was charged with money laundering, conspiracy and obstructing justice for allegedly lying about lobbying senators on behalf of an Islamic charity that authorities said was secretly sending funds to terrorists.

A 42-count indictment accuses the Islamic American Relief Agency of paying Siljander $50,000 for the lobbying — money that turned out to be stolen from the U.S. Agency for International Development.

Siljander, who served four years in the U.S. House of Representatives, was appointed by President Ronald Reagan to serve as a U.S. delegate to the United Nations for one year in 1987.

This report is sketchy at best. How does lying about lobbying senators involve money laundering, unless there were payments to or from the senators in question. And Bush Justice has tried and failed before in trying to tie Islamic charities to terrorism. But there's no denying a Reagan Republican would do anything for the right price.

Update: Debbie Schlussel is claiming that she worked for Siljander as "more than an intern." (No link to the nutcase.) Perhaps a permanent insanity defense is in the offing.

"Want and Need"

In my inbox comes proof that I'm not a complete unknown:

Draft Bloomberg Committee Launches Petition

Petition widget available for bloggers to easily publish on their site

If you believe Mike Bloomberg should run for president, then now is the time to tell him!

America needs and deserves a president with vision and a proven track record of solving tough problems and delivering real results, a president who can bring America together through true leadership and fine character.

With a recession looming, we believe that Mayor Bloomberg, a proven successful businessman and public servant, is that leader to help us rebuild our country.

Join the Draft Bloomberg Committee on the ground floor by completing two important activities that will help bring Mayor Bloomberg into the presidential race:

Sign the petition to draft Mike Bloomberg: Add your name to the list and stay informed about our draft movement. Sign online now!

Publish the petition on your blog: The more voices we have shouting Mike's name, the more likely he will be to enter the race. Publish the petition on your blog!

About Us

The Draft Bloomberg Committee is a diverse group of Americans who believe that Mike Bloomberg is the best choice for president in 2008. Our reason for being is to gather America's voice--through DraftBloomberg.com, the petition, and other efforts--to show Mayor Bloomberg convincing evidence that we, the people of the United States of America, want and need him to run for president.

If you have questions or would like to help, please contact us at info@draftbloomberg.com.

Sincerely,

Doug Bailey & Jerry Rafshoon
The Draft Bloomberg Committee

You have received this email because you write frequently about politics and we'd like to keep you informed about our progress. If you wish to unsubscribe, please use the "Unsubscribe" link below.

I guess it depends on what your definition of frequently is.

Yes, what this country needs in a time of recession is the leadership of an equity trader and head of a financial services software company, one who spent close to $75 million of his own money to become a friggin' mayor. Only Rich Uncle Pennybags can save us now. Perhaps he can sell us to the Tata Group.

As of this writing, only 774 diverse Americans have expressed the need for President Mike Bloomberg. Perhaps that's because the DraftBloomberg site looks like a scam to collect e-mail addresses. Though I'm sure that will change once they start spamming more bloggers.

This could be as big as the whole Draft Fred Thompson movement.

Where Is His Sense Of Outrage?

John McCain on the former Jerry Falwell:

"I join the students, faculty, and staff of Liberty University and Americans of all faiths in mourning the loss of Reverend Jerry Falwell. Dr. Falwell was a man of distinguished accomplishment who devoted his life to serving his faith and country. Our thoughts and prayers are with Dr. Falwell's family at this difficult time."

Jerry Falwell on Richard Cohen:

"Who will the Antichrist be? I don't know. Nobody else knows. Is he alive and here today? Probably. Because when he appears during the Tribulation period he will be a full-grown counterfeit of Christ. Of course, he'll be Jewish."

Richard Cohen on John McCain:

"Earlier this year a close friend of John McCain gave me fair warning: McCain was about to become much more conservative, and I would not like what was coming. He was right. I did not like McCain's speech at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, and I think his support of intelligent design is -- sorry, John -- just plain brainless. But it is not the supposedly new McCain that bothers me...."

Where is his sense of outrage?

Apparently it's not the bigot you personally embrace, it's the bigot you have nothing to do with whom you must repudiate.

(More on "Doctor" Falwell here. Jerry's bigotry was anything but one-dimensional.)

Mitts Off!

Far be it from me to challenge the liberal blog orthodoxy, but a vote for Alan Keyes in Michigan would be much, much funnier.

Alan Keyes says: Count Every Vote!

Currently on the Opinion page of NYTimes.com:

Little attention is being paid to the toll that misogyny takes on society in general, and women and girls in particular. [Para.] Its forms are limitless.

Currently on the homepage of NYTimes.com (lower right corner):

$19.99 Hillary Nutcracker
The Hillary Nutcracker; Great gift Stainless Steel Thighs
www.homeandbeyond.com

Green Tease

Citizen Ralph is playing his cards close to his vest. Perhaps he's waiting to see if Mayor Mike will offer him the V.P. slot.

Ralph Nader, the 2000 Green Party presidential nominee who has yet to announce his intentions for 2008, was scheduled to participate in Sunday's debate, but he did not. Nader showed up late for the event and addressed the crowd for about 10 minutes.

Or perhaps he's waiting for the outcome of the Democratic race.

They Say It's Your Birthday

Happy birthday to Eric Alterman, one of the two greatest bloggers born on this day. And so young looking!

Answers to 2007 Year-In-Review News Quiz

(Open the title of each Part in a new window to view the full question)

Part I -- Dr. Phil In The Blank (1 pt. for quote, 1 bonus pt. for speaker)

1. Varmints (Muff Romney); 2. M-Fer (Bill O'Reilly); 3. 9/11 (Sen. Joseph Biden); 4. Dead (G.W. Bush); 5. Time, legal background (Joe Klein); 6. Karl (Kyle Sampson); 7. Wide (Larry Craig); 8. Homosexuals (Mahmoud Ahmadinejad); 9. Prick (Ann Althouse); 10. Tase me bro (Andrew Meyer)

Part II -- Who Said it? (1 pt. each)

1. Sam Brownback; 2. Muff Romney; 3. Mike Huckabee; 4. John McCain; 5. Tom Tancredo; 6. Ron Paul; 7. Duncan Hunter; 8. Rudolph Giuliani; 9. Alan Keyes; 10. Fredo Thompson; 11. Tommy Thompson; Bonus quote: Dick Nixon on Fredo Thompson

Part III -- Grand Old Police Blotter (1 pt. each)

1. Bob Allen --(d); 2. I. Lewis Libby -- (c) ; 3. George Ryan -- (m); 4. Thomas Ravenel -- (f); 5. Conrad Black -- (l); 6. Larry Craig -- (i); 7. David H. Brooks -- (g); 8. Michael Flory -- (j); 9. Jeff Neilsen -- (a); 10. Brent Wilkes -- (b); 11. Italia Federici -- (o); 12. J. Stephen Griles -- (h); 13. Bernard Kerik -- (k); 14. Glenn Murphy, Jnr. -- (n) ; 15. Kyle "Dusty" Foggo -- (e)

Part IV -- The Year In Right Wing Sex (1 pt. each)

1. Gary Aldridge -- (f); 2. David Vitter -- (d); 3. Richard Curtis -- (j); 4. Ted Haggard -- (e); 5. John Hinderaker -- (g); 6. Larry Craig -- (c); 7. Richard Mellon Scaife -- (i); 8. Bob Allen -- (a); 9. Mickey Kaus -- (h); 10. Randall L. Tobias -- (b)

Part V -- Multiple Guess (1 pt. each)

1. (d); 2. (e); 3. (c); 4. (a); 5. (a); 6. Rep. Nancy Pelosi -- free point; 7. (f); 8. (f); 9. (b); 10 (f)

Your score:

66 or above -- Your ability to use Google is quite impressive
56-65 points -- The year 2007 is a traumatic memory which will haunt you to your dying day
46-55 points -- See your doctor about the latest OCD treatments
36-45 points -- You have a life, yet you took this quiz anyway
26-35 points -- Mediocrity is nothing to be ashamed of
16-25 points -- Sub-mediocrity, on the other hand...
6-15 points -- Congratulations on finding the Internet!
5-0 points -- You've never heard of Larry Craig

Update (1/15): Many thanks to Digby of Hullabaloo for linking to the quiz -- and kudos for the impreessive score! And thanks to Roy Edroso at alicublog for the earlier link.

Datelyin' NYT: To Catch A Prevaricator

Too Bad, So Sad

Turns out the Ron Paul REVOLution is just RAHOWA.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Racist Texans Not Named Ron Paul Edition

Last week, we introduced you to Harris County District Attorney Charles Rosenthal Jnr., the Texan cretin who used his office e-mail to make creepy plays for his secretary. Turns out that was the least of his alleged sins:

In an office e-mail message on Aug. 20, 2007, to his staff, Mr. Rosenthal, a Republican, wrote, "I'd like to kick off the 2008 re-election campaign with a barbecue in early October."

Another, under his name from Sept. 28, said: "If you want to take the day off from work, come out and help, we will definitely find something for you to do."

Section 39.02 of the Texas Penal Code makes it illegal for a public servant to use government property, services or personnel to obtain a personal benefit, and Texas politicians over the years have been prosecuted and convicted under the act.

Penalties range from the lowest category of misdemeanor if the misuse amounts to under $20, to a first-degree felony if the loss is valued at $200,000 or more. A first-degree felony can be punishable by up to life in prison.

But Rosie the Republican wasn't just using his official e-mail address to support his own reelection, he was using it for personal amusement:

Not all the political messages involved himself. On Aug. 14, Mr. Rosenthal forwarded to friends a message attacking the record of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York, and calling her "a disaster for all Americans." His name appeared on messages comparing her to Karl Marx. And one of the images turning up as an attachment was Mrs. Clinton as a nutcracker.

Mr. Rosenthal also forwarded to a friend a mock study of flatulence and a series of jokes making fun of University of Texas football players after several were arrested on various felony charges. He also forwarded the image of a sign saying "girls and fish have a lot in common" with graphic sexual references.

Other material that was in Mr. Rosenthal's e-mail but did not contain his name was a photograph, titled "Fatal Overdose," of a black man lying on a sidewalk amid watermelon peels and Kentucky Fried Chicken containers.

Texas justice at its finest. If the story is accurate, Mr. Rosenthal and fish may have a lot in common.

Roger Gets Results

As I always suspected, CNN comes to this blog for story ideas. Wolf Blitzer is simply an empty suit -- size XS -- without the assistance of yours truly. I heard NPR got some inspiration from me as well.

But seriously, you've got to admire Ron Paul's gift for incoherent bullshit (from the CNN link):

"Libertarians are incapable of being a racist [sic], because racism is a collectivist idea."

It's thinking like that that got Paul declared the winner of tonight's G.O.P. debate by a third of the FOX News viewers who know how to operate telephones.

The Silence of the Pauls

So why aren't Ron Paul's newsletters and Paul's extremely unconvincing justification of their content getting more press? Sure, Paul's not going to be the Republican nominee, but he was within one percentage point of Mayor 911 in N.H. and got twice the percentage that Richardson got on the Democratic side. Maybe I missed the coverage. I don't read all the papers or watch many news programs. But I've seen more stories on the Golf Channel commentator who apologized for using the word "lynch," entirely without malice -- or any other form of thought -- in a metaphor about Tiger Woods and his rivals. And nobody watches the Golf Channel.

There's nothing in this article about Paul in today's NYT. This article about the mainstream press reporting on Paul's newsletter only refers to The New Republic article itself and a post on Andy Sully's blog. A search for "Ron Paul newsletter" on Google News turns up 20 stories, all or almost all of which appear to be from blogs or web-only publications. As far as I can tell, the author of the TNR piece only appeared on Tucker. And nobody watches Tucker.

Isn't this the sort of story the flaming liberal press supposedly loves -- exposing a Republican for his bigotry? Why, it's almost enough to make me believe the liberal media doesn't exist. Or maybe it's because Paul opposed the invasion of Iraq. [/sacrasm]

The most innocent explanation for Paul's actions -- that he put his name on a newsletter without ever monitoring its content -- means that Paul is a complete moron who was friendly with, and trusted, some extremely loathsome bigots. In other words, well within the mainstream of G.O.P. leadership.

p.s. -- More comedy gold from Paulogists here.

For Further Discussion: Compare to the media attention regarding Joe Biden's comment that Senator Obama was "articulate and bright and clean." And to other web-originated stories that have received traditional press coverage this week.

Huckleberry Pwned

The underreported story of last night was the political death of Fred Thompson, who drowned in a quarter-inch puddle of bourbon and branch water in Hew Hampshire at 7:01 p.m. EST. The Great Dead Hope of the Republican Party was bested by fifth-placed finisher Ron Paul, the absentee proprietor of a racist publishing empire. In fact, Paul received eight times more votes than Huckleberry Fred. Fred claims he's focused on South Carolina, where, God willing, folks might confuse him with Deputy Dawg, but when word of Paul's newsletters reaches the South Carolina G.O.P. there's no way Fred will outperform Paul.

Whitey Lied

That's Tweety Matthews' excuse for the difference between the blowhards and pollsters' predictions for the New Hampshire Democratic primary and the actual outcome. It couldn't possibly be that the pollsters and pundits don't know their asses from holes in the ground when it comes to Democratic politics. It's that thousands of caucasian Dems were afraid to admit, anonymously, to someone they'd never seen before (or ever) and would never see again that they weren't voting for the black man. Matthews supported this hesis by "quoting" that pidgin-speaking caricature of a Native American, Tonto, who (according to Tweety) said, "White man speak with fork-ed tongue."

It couldn't be that the pollsters' methods of identifying actual Dem voters were flawed, because that's never happened before. It couldn't be that a large portion of the New Hampshire electorate ares independents, who could choose which party's primary to vote in up to the time they were handed a ballot. And it couldn't be that the blowhards stayed away from the Granite State (like Matthews) or stayed in their luxury suites, engaging in alcohol-fueled circle jerks with failed campaign consultants and substituting the counting of heads at rallies for speaking with potential voters.

While citing "the Bradley effect" allows dolts like Matthews to pose as scholars of American politics, it actually shows their superficiality. Senator Obama was trailing Senator Clinton in N.H. pre-Iowa, although he was closing the gap in December. So how did the pollsters manage to locate all the frightened whiteys in the closing days of the campaign? (Or was there a surge of frightened whiteys when Obama came to the state and stole their dates?)

It's not that I believe racist whites don't lie about their beliefs when it's advantageous to do so. Hell, some of them even denounce their old newsletters. But no one could seriously believe that choosing one of other Dems over Obama would reveal their otherwise hidden bigotry.

Meanwhile, on FOX News, the channel's post-election analysis consisted of Sean Hannity pimping Dick Morris' website and anti-Hillary DVD. And Senator Clinton still appeared on their morning show.

Update: Bob Somerby also debunks the application of the Bradley effect to yesterday's primary. I guess "Bradley effect" is easier to pronounce than "I'm a highly-paid fraud."

Smell The Premise

From Time:

Speaking of celebrities, the Obama campaign also confirms that Larry David has shown up at their headquarters and has been making calls on their candidate's behalf.

A Vast Libertarian Conspiracy

Kennedy was killed in a Lincoln, and now ... this.

In October 2007, the wingnut bulletin board RedState.com banned supporters of Ron Paul from joining the website.

Now, RedState's totally realistic plans for blogging world domination have been thwarted by an inferior website program called Drupal.

Drupal is an anagram for .... Dr. Paul.

Coincidence? There is no such thing.

(More here. Perhaps I should threaten to withhold the Year-In-Review Quiz answers until I raise enough dough to buy a new car.)

Mark Levin, Oxymoron

Attention to detail is what made hairless troll doll Mark R. Levin everything he is today. Witness his obsequious Ode to Big Pharma:

Rush has never bowed to efforts by the left to control our national debate through intimidation tactics. A few months ago, when the Democrats shamelessly used Graeme Frost, a 12-year-old who had been in a terrible car accident, to promote the expansion of the State Children’s Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) entitlement, it was Rush, with information from folks on conservative websites such as Free Republic, who told America that the Frost family was not as it was represented to be by the Democrats and the Big Media. The Frosts had been financially able to purchase health insurance but apparently had chosen not to. Among other things, the parents sent their two daughters to an expensive private school, at an apparent cost of $40,000 per year. For exposing this sham, Rush was accused of picking on the poor seventh grader. Well, as Rush explained at the time, she'd been used, but not by him -- by her own parents, the Democrats and the media.

Drug-addled or dumbfuck? You make the call.

Paulites Go Loco'reilly

And Mitt's future second wife is outraged!

How Shameful [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Ron Paul supporters harrassed (sic) Sean Hannity in Manchester last night. Who does that?

Presumably people who care about politics care about politics because they love their country. Right? Why would you treat anyone like that?

Never mind the guy (Hannity) with the most honest analysis of the night (which could even be interpreted as good news for Ron Paulbots). (sic)

Presumably people who write for a living care about spelling and grammar because they love writing. Why would K-Lo write something like that? For that matter, how could she confuse Sean Hannity with "their country?"

And doesn't anyone know to make a snowball any more?

Get Ready For This

Last night, on a "news/talk" radio station out of Fresno (KMJ 580 AM), I heard this douchebag, who is reportedly broadcast on 300 stations, refer to Senator Obama as Barack Mohammed Hussein Obama. Three times. In less than two minutes. In connection with a reference to Islamic terrorism.

If the candidate and his supporters aren't ready to rip Cunningham and his ilk a new and bigger asshole, repeatedly, they'd better get out of the way.

The Ascension of Saint John

Tim Russert's man-crush, Senator John McCain, appeared on Meet the Press to get Father Tim's blessing as the G.O.P. establishment's man. McCain was followed by veteran stratahacks Mike Murphy and Steve McMahon, who assured viewers that Saint John would be the Republican nominee.

The corporate wing of the G.O.P. has sold its shares of Willard Co. and is repurchasing St. John Corp. to fend off the fundy rump action.

Romney's support is now limited to the lunatic fringe and those with a financial stake in Willard's success.

72 Hour Psych Hold

The only possible legitimate outcome from this incident:

"Secret Service agents came after [Bill] O'Reilly pushed Nicholson and the agents flanked O'Reil[l]y."

Actually, it would be a better story if ended after the fifth word, but I'll take what I can get.

(Via Atrios.)

Isn't There's A Chipmunk Movie That Needs Reviewing, Mikey?

Michael "Call Me Massa" Medved doesn't know Jack, and we're not talking his old Toward Tradition pal, Abramoff. Witness his witless analysis of the Iowa GOP non-caucus:

Predictably enough, most media commentators have totally misinterpreted the nature of Mike Huckabee's big win in the Iowa GOP caucuses. Conventional wisdom says that he swept to victory based on overwhelming support from Evangelicals, but conventional wisdom is flat-out wrong. According to the exit polls used by major news networks, a majority of voters who described themselves as "evangelical" or "born again" Christians actually voted against Huckabee -- with 54% splitting their support among Romney, McCain, Thompson and Ron Paul. Yes, Huckabee's 46% of Evangelicals was a strong showing, but it was directly comparable to his commanding 40% of women, or 40% of all voters under the age of 30, or 41% of those earning less than $30,000 a year. His powerful appeal to females, the young and the poor make him a different kind of Republican, who connects with voting blocs the GOP needs to win back. He's hardly the one-dimensional religious candidate of media caricature.

Predictably enough, Mikey is wrong about virtually everything.

First, Mikey doesn't explain how Huckabee's strong showing among GOP women, youth and poor involved "connecting with voting blocs the GOP needs to win back" or makes him "a different kind of Republican." His argument might be worth considering if he had statistics showing some significant amount of Huck's supporters were Dems or non-affiliated voters who crossed party lines (or affiliated themselves with the GOP) to vote Huck, but he doesn't. Mikey might as well be arguing that a Republican victory is guaranteed in November because 100 percent of women, youngsters and the poor who voted in the Iowa GOP poll voted for a Republican.

Mikey also challenges the "[c]onventional wisdom [which] says that he [the Huckster] swept to victory based on overwhelming support from Evangelicals," based on the fact that the Huckster got 46 percent of the Evangelical vote but also 40 percent of the female and youth vote and 41 percent of "the poor vote." But the Evangelical vote for the Huckster was 12 percentage points more than the Huckster's overall vote (34 percent), while the other blocs were only 6-7 percentage points above than overall votes. (Those 12 percentage points are more than the percentage difference between the Huckster and Muff Romney (34 to 25 percent).) More significantly, Mikey doesn't appear to understand that the categories of women, youth and the poor overlap significantly with Evangelicals (and with themselves), rather than being entirely independent categories. The numbers cited by Mikey would be significant only if, say, Huck did significantly less well among young fundies or poor fundies than he did among all fundies.) Anyway you slice it, the Huckster owes the significant margin of his victory to the fundie faction.

Mikey also goes on to undermine his premise by noting that only 14 percent of "non-Evangelicals" (who he claims were 40 percent of GOP voters) voted for the Huckster. Which is to say that Huckabee would be circling the drain with Giuliani and Ro Paul in the Hawkeye State if not for his fundie followers. But chucklehead Mikey relies on this fact as proof of anti-fundie bias among non-fundies:

The evidence is pretty clear, isn't it? The preferences of Evangelicals mirrored those of Iowans in general. But the preferences of the "non Evangelical" group were distorted by their religious beliefs (or non-beliefs) and led them (as the same prejudices leads angry members of the conservative establishment) to blast, resent and dismiss the Huck.

In Mikey's mind, a vote for anyone other than the Huckster can mean only one thing -- religious bigotry against fundies. And in that same mind, 46 percent "mirrors" 34 percent. If I was Yale, I'd want my degree back.

Of course, the way Mikey characterizes "conventional wisdom" is dishonest in the first instance. Mikey doesn't cite anyone who claimed that the Huckster got an "overwhelming" percentage of the Evangelical vote. He's really just arguing against a straw Colmes. But there's no disputing that the Huckster owes his Iowa victory to self-identified fundies.

Submitted Without Comment

From Joek Lein:

"(And message to Scarborough: As harmless as it seems to get up and play music with a candidate, it's something you just don't do if you're trying to be a journalist.)"

Huckmentum!

The real losers tonight are Huckleberry Fred Thompson, who has to continue on to New Hampshire instead of going home to eat stewed prunes in front his Matlock reruns, and Willard "Muff" Romney, who flushed away more of his own cash in Iowa than I'll earn in a lifetime.

And of course, the Republican Party, which is the captive of the fundamentalists it loathes and enables. Listen to the squeals of pain from National Review's Corner (no link) in the wake of a victory by an anti-abortion, death-penalty loving, creationist Bible-humper:

I wouldn't put aside the Constitution or anything just yet (or ever).... It's a First Principles kinda moment. What do conservatives believe? How much do we want to fight for those principles? Who will represent them?

...

It would be truer to say that for a proportion of Huck's followers there is no aisle: he's their kind of Christian, and all the rest - foreign policy, health care, mass transit, whatever - is details. This is identity politics of a type you don't often see on the Republican side.

...

A Romney circler emphasizes to me in the virtual spin room: "Huckabee is a pro-life Jimmy Carter – he will be rejected by econ and natl security conservatives. He would be the death knell of the social conservatives as players within the party – hopefully enough will come to their senses."

...

Peter is right that we'll all have to start being more respectful of Huck after tonight, but, before that dread hour arrives, let me say there is something slightly jaw-dropping about a two-party system that presents voters with a choice between Mike Huckabee and (if early numbers hold up) John Edwards.

...

Anti-Huck people are freaking. Deep breaths. As Bill Bennett just pointed out on CNN, evangelicals aren't necessarily a voting block, as much as Pastor Huckabee has tried to suggest (and prays?) they are in his identity-politicking. Just ask Mark DeMoss.

...

For example, I'm not saying I'd rather lose with X,Y, or Z than win with Huckabee. But I don't reject the proposition outright that I might come around to that way of thinking, if I were convinced that his governing philosophy is as bad as I sometimes fear it is.

It's like the five stages of death -- denial, anger, bargaining, depression and the absence of brain activity for all eternity -- among the establishment Republicans who, until now, pretended to love their snake-handling cousins.

For Insomniacs Only

With all the late night shows returning to television absent resolution of the Writers' Guild strike, I was glad to see one show hold out and refuse to air new episodes. I speak, of course, of Sex Talk. Kudos to Bridgetta, Frank and Dr. Daniel Stein for their show of solidarity with that certain part of the union body.

Presidential Dumbfucks for $200

Various self-proclaimed foreign policy experts from the Bowels of Wingnuttia are opining that a party's Presidential frontrunner who is not familiar with the political leaders of Pakistan is not qualified to be President.

I couldn't agree more:

"Can you name the general who is in charge of Pakistan?" asked Hiller, inquiring about Gen. Pervaiz Musharraf, who took over last month in a military coup.

"Wait, wait, is this 50 questions?" replied Bush.

Hiller replied: "No, it's four questions of four leaders in four hot spots."

Bush said: "The new Pakistani general, he's just been elected – not elected, this guy took over office. It appears this guy is going to bring stability to the country and I think that's good news for the subcontinent."

Hiller persisted, saying "Can you name him?"

Bush said: "General. I can name the general. General."

If only those dumbfucks had applied the same standard eight years ago -- well, they'd still be colossal dumbfucks. But America and the world would be better places.

Oh to be Des Moines, Now That January's There

If this blog generated any income and I was otherwise unemployed, I almost certainly would be covering the Iowa caucuses this week. Seeing the bleak early winter landscape of the Corn Belt on C-SPAN the past few days didn't make me nostalgic for black ice and the flu, and I certainly don't have any unique observations about the campaigns. I'd be more interested in observing the media medflies who have just infested the state's capital and set up shop through Friday. These pests with expense accounts (Joe Klein, Roger "Noel" Simon, Candy Crowley, Kat Seelye &c.) have set up camp in the luxury suites of Des Moines' high rise hotels, and will occupy the hotel lobbies and bars while trading conventional wisdom acceptable to their munificent corporate overlords. Witness, for example, Joek Lein's recent posts, "John Edwards Is A Threat To The American Way of Life, As Proven By These Two Iowans I Cherry-Picked To Regurgitate My Thesis" and "Mike Huckabee Can't Be Trusted To Lower My Taxes Enough." (Meanwhile, FOX News is already calibrating the mike levels necessary to create the Edwards Effeminate Ejaculation.)

Based on past observation of these gas passers, it's a safe bet their reporting will involve waiting for a driver to ferry them to their next cable teevee appearance and chatting up David Axlerod or Ed Rollins over in the next make-up chair. I already know who I'd vote for if I was an Iowan. And given the undue attention given to John Edwards' haircuts, Hillary Clinton's clapping and Fred Thompson's existence, I'd rather investigate how much Wolf Blitzer drinks, whether the Renaissance Savery burns Chris Matthews' sheets and how much Carl Cameron pays for a handjob.

P.S. Hey, how 'bout them polls?

(Date and time corrected)