Oh to be Des Moines, Now That January's There

If this blog generated any income and I was otherwise unemployed, I almost certainly would be covering the Iowa caucuses this week. Seeing the bleak early winter landscape of the Corn Belt on C-SPAN the past few days didn't make me nostalgic for black ice and the flu, and I certainly don't have any unique observations about the campaigns. I'd be more interested in observing the media medflies who have just infested the state's capital and set up shop through Friday. These pests with expense accounts (Joe Klein, Roger "Noel" Simon, Candy Crowley, Kat Seelye &c.) have set up camp in the luxury suites of Des Moines' high rise hotels, and will occupy the hotel lobbies and bars while trading conventional wisdom acceptable to their munificent corporate overlords. Witness, for example, Joek Lein's recent posts, "John Edwards Is A Threat To The American Way of Life, As Proven By These Two Iowans I Cherry-Picked To Regurgitate My Thesis" and "Mike Huckabee Can't Be Trusted To Lower My Taxes Enough." (Meanwhile, FOX News is already calibrating the mike levels necessary to create the Edwards Effeminate Ejaculation.)

Based on past observation of these gas passers, it's a safe bet their reporting will involve waiting for a driver to ferry them to their next cable teevee appearance and chatting up David Axlerod or Ed Rollins over in the next make-up chair. I already know who I'd vote for if I was an Iowan. And given the undue attention given to John Edwards' haircuts, Hillary Clinton's clapping and Fred Thompson's existence, I'd rather investigate how much Wolf Blitzer drinks, whether the Renaissance Savery burns Chris Matthews' sheets and how much Carl Cameron pays for a handjob.

P.S. Hey, how 'bout them polls?

(Date and time corrected)