James Wolcott can make even pre-procedure cleansing funny.

Even the pre-colonoscopy purging, which everyone warned me would be like a bad night in a Turkish cell, wasn't so dire. I spend much of my day in the bathroom anyway--I moved the paperback library in there--so this became an opportunity to spend additional quality time in the Fortress of Solitude. Unfortunately, the batteries in the toilet-paper-dispenser radio died, and I neglected to replace them, depriving myself of Leonard Lopate's in-depth interviews when I most needed them.