Alan Keyes Is Fucking Nuts

From the A.P.:

On his first campaign trip into Illinois farm country, Republican Senate candidate Alan Keyes said Thursday he no longer favors abolishing the U.S. Agriculture Department.

Keyes in 1996 had called the department an "expensive top-heavy bureaucracy that was not actually contributing to the good of the farmers." But he said Thursday things had changed under Republican leadership in Washington and he now favors keeping the department.

...

Keyes, speaking at Republican Day at the State Fair, also expressed support for tax breaks that encourage development of alternative fuels such as corn-based ethanol.

Keyes initially denied ever saying the Agriculture Department should be combined with other federal agencies. "I am sure that's a misquote," he said.

When pressed on the issue later, Keyes said he had double-checked and now recalled opposing the Agriculture Department when he ran for president in 1996.

Back then, the department imposed too much red tape on farmers and wasted money the government could not afford to spend, he said. He said that had changed under Republican leadership.

Keyes then accused fairgoers of worshipping a Golden Calf, melted the graven image and made the blasphemers drink it until their bad cholesterol went up 20 points.

Keyes is the most pathetic liar in the Repuke Party: In my candidacy for the presidency, running as a Republican, I called for the abolition of the Department of Agriculture for the sole reason that it wasted money under Democratic leadership. But it's okay under Republican leadership, like if I was president, which is why I called for its abolition when I was running for president.

That's not flip-flop; it's cow flop.