Not Ready For Duty, Sir

Recent events have revealed troubling deficiencies in our war-time resources. It must be said: our basic cable news media lacks the resources to cover a two-front war.

Say that Bush begins bombing Iraq. The physical resources are there, even if the intellectual ones are not. But then Phil Spector enters a not guilty plea and demands a speedy trial. Now what? Does Geraldo interview Gerry Spence and Mark Furhman from the Mideast, or does he fly to L.A.? And what if Laci Peterson's husband is arrested? My God! Connie Chung is only one woman. Can Larry King put Liz, Liza and Ozzy on the same all-star panel as Woody and Condi? And what if Wacko Jacko gives another interview? Do Bill O'Reilly and Greta Van Sustern have the stamina to cover both fronts? And, God forbid, what happens if Larry Kudlow falls off the wagon but the War on Terror has cut off all cocaine imports?