Howard Zinn. Louis Auchincloss. James Mitchell. J.D. Salinger.

A lot of old people are dying.

No Conjugal Vists for You

Deborah Howell cum James Guckert explains journalistic ethics to Andrew Breitbart's "life story" employee/pimp:

I am shocked by the reports of this behavior. I am well aware that following the law is an integral part of being a good investigative journalist. I take that responsibility and accountability very seriously. I certainly hope these reports are untrue.

Following the law, lying and full-body waxing. In that order.

Necessarily

SLC-GOP Punked:

Salt Lake County Republicans are scrambling to line up a new keynote fundraising speaker after the arrest Tuesday of their scheduled first choice, filmmaker James O'Keefe, on charges of attempting to tamper with the phone system of a U.S. Senator.

"The allegations and arrest today certainly changes our plans," county GOP Chairman Thomas Wright said in a telephone interview with The Tribune . "We'll be announcing a new speaker shortly."

As of Tuesday night, the party's Web site, slcogop.com, still advertised O'Keefe as the guest speaker for the party's Feb. 4 Lincoln Day Dinner. His topic was to be "his national exposé of ACORN's unethical behavior, his changes in Congress and [how he will] inspire our Party's passion for a grassroots comeback."

The fundraising announcement said donations of from $4,000 to $7,500 would entitle contributing groups to have access to elected Republican officials and the guest speaker at a VIP reception. Wright said the web site and other promotions would be altered soon to reflect a change.

"We're disappointed," he said of O'Keefe's arrest on felony charges. "He doesn't necessarily represent the Republican Party."

He's just an aspirational figure for the Party.

O'Keefe's replacement will be the late Roman Grant.

And I thought I was a workaholic

VATICAN CITY – Pope John Paul II whipped himself with a belt, even on vacation....

That's gotta hurt ... Peggy Noonan.

No Light Weight

If only James "Big Government" O'Keefe had written a letter to the editor under a fake name. Then perhaps his "Big" colleague Patterico would go after him!

Update: I stand corrected. Pattycakes did go after O'Keefe -- to kiss his ass. It's all about how "'they never really intended to tap any phones but were simply trying to show how easy it would be to do so.'”

Note to L.A. criminals: Suck up to Andrew Breitbart somehow before committing your felony. Pattycakes will BELIEEEEVVVEEEEEE in you!

It's Gonna Be Tough In There For A Playskool Pimp

Andy Breitbart's littlest pimp may become the Teabaggers' Mumia Abu-Jamal. Andy's deserting his most nortorious blogger like a john deserting a sinking pimp, while Hugh Hewitt tries to rehabilitate Andy like a motherf___er!. Objection! Leading the witness.

Run away, Andy, run away!

Andy's best defense so far is that Vanilla Iceberg Slim is only accused of attempted "interference with a phone system," and that the affidavit doesn't mention buggery. Maybe he was going to have sex with the telephone jack! Don't stop believin', Andy. Hold on to that feelin.'

Update: Andy will have to accept the Reagan Award on Vanilla Iceberg's behalf.

Law and Order: "Special" Prosecutor's Unit

Is there a bigger dumbfuck drawing breath than "Patterico," the very special prosecutor from the City and County of Los Angeles?

Answer: No.

Pattycakes has his briefs in a bunch because an Obama supporter sent the same letter to numerous editorial pages, using a local city as her address for each missive in order to increase the chance of publication. What does Paranoid Pat take away from this episode of little import?

The conclusion is simple: Ellie Light and Mark Spivey are liars. They pretend to be from multiple places to enhance their credibility. In fact, they are from one location — and they are trying to pretend they are individuals from all over America.

And Pattycakes is even simpler than his incorrect conclusion. The letter writer was pretending to be "from all over America." She was only claiming one residence to each paper, and didn't disclose to the papers that she was sending the letter to other papers. She wasn't pretending to be "individuals" -- plural -- from all over America.

Pattycakes also sniffs that the letter writer was engaged in "'astroturfing," which Patty describes as "phony 'grassroots' activity. The term refers to opinions that seem to be genuine — but, in reality, are directed by a Central Planner." Except that the letter writer was expressing her genuine opinion, and she wasn't directed by anyone. That's the opposite of astroturfing.

It's kind of sad that someone would make up addresses to get a letter printed in multiple newspapers. It's pathetic -- and highly amusing -- that a purported professional would spend so much time obssessing over a meaningless event and demonstrate his utter ignorance about the event at the same time.

(No link to Pattycakes.)

Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself/I'm a Man With a Wealth of Ignorance and Don Johnson's 30-Year-Old Taste in Clothing

Shorter Tommy de Seno: God didn't cause the Haitian earthquake, the Devil did. It's history!

New York Times Stereotypes Self, Readers

Not from The Onion:

Therapists Report Increase in Green Disputes

Gordon Fleming is, by his own account, an environmentally sensitive guy.

He bikes 12 1/2 miles to and from his job at a software company outside Santa Barbara, Calif. He recycles as much as possible and takes reusable bags to the grocery store.

Still, his girlfriend, Shelly Cobb, feels he has not gone far enough.

Ms. Cobb chides him for running the water too long while he shaves or showers. And she finds it “depressing,” she tells him, that he continues to buy a steady stream of items online when her aim is for them to lead a less materialistic life.

Mr. Fleming, who says he became committed to Ms. Cobb “before her high-priestess phase,” describes their conflicts as good-natured — mostly.

But he refuses to go out to eat sushi with her anymore, he said, because he cannot stand to hear her quiz the waiters.

“None of it is sustainable or local,” he said, “and I am not eating cod or rockfish.”

As awareness of environmental concerns has grown, therapists say they are seeing a rise in bickering between couples and family members over the extent to which they should change their lives to save the planet.

...

Sandy Shulmire, a psychologist who lives in Portland, confesses that when she is visiting her sister in Abita Springs, La., she cannot resist bugging her about not recycling her plastic and cardboard, even though she knows she will be perceived as “bossy.”

Cherl Petso, an editor of an online magazine who lives in Seattle, says trips to visit her parents in Idaho can be “tense at times,” in part because she and her mother interpret each other’s choices as judgmental.

Linda Buzzell, a family and marriage therapist for 30 years who lives in Santa Barbara and is a co-editor of “Ecotherapy: Healing with Nature in Mind,” cautions that the repercussions of environmental differences can be especially severe for couples.

....She warns wives and mothers not to move a family toward vegetarianism before everyone is ready.

“Food is such an emotional issue,” she said.

Christienne deTournay Birkhahn, executive director of the EcoMom Alliance, an organization based in Marin County that provides education to women who want to have their families live more sustainably, finds that disputes over how green is green enough often divide along predictable lines by sex.

...

Her husband, Kurt, an engineer and federal employee, sometimes seems to be baiting her by placing plastic yogurt cups in the garbage or leaving the reusable shopping bags in the car and coming home with disposable bags instead.

If only the article included tips on how to green your second home, and addressed the emotional toll of getting into the best pre-school and Ivy, it would be a New York Times Cliche Classic.

By the way, the article should be titled "Therapists and Others Promoting Their Own 'Green' Services Predictably Report Increase In Green Disputes."

The Future of The Internet

Has anyone read The Daily Choler, Tucker Faye Karlason's visionary new website?

Here's a representative sample, from today's e-dition:

During the past 32 years, I have had the insightful opportunity to work in both public and private sectors in roughly equal portions of time impositions all based inside the Beltway.

My public sector service included counsel to the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee, career legal positions at Departments of Justice and Education, and political appointments at U.S. EPA and most recently at DoD. In the private sector, I was affiliated with several law firms, a corporate think-tank, and the second-largest U.S. private corporation and a related foundation. Such variety of professional experiences exposed me to myriads of operational and management structures and bureaucracies with disparate arrays of missions, goals, and identifying “success” in job and office.

From an early age, I have been fascinated with our country’s history, particularly surrounding its founding. As I developed my career path, I was inspired to live by and support the principles and beliefs upon which the United States of America was formed out of our Revolution from British colonialism 235 years ago. This inspiration led me to concentrate in public and international affairs in college, pursue a law degree, and then come to Washington, D.C., for government service.

After more than three decades in our nation’s capital, the seat of government birthed with Thomas Jefferson’s ringing cry of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” in the Declaration of Independence, I can timely reflect how our country’s mission statement formulated in 1776 is implemented today in the complex structure that is contemporary American governance and society.

In consideration of this question, a corollary concern is the appropriate balance of freedom and security in our nation’s governance and society. If our country’s mission is assuring “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” of individuals living in America, does increased security throughout our society impose decreased freedom? A related factor is how “security” in our society is defined. Is there a difference, for instance, of security from terrorism versus security from ill-health? How conscious are our governing bodies of Mr. Jefferson’s historic national goals as they attempt “good government?” And what, in fact, is “good government?”

That's what I call persuasive writing.

Continuing directly:

These issues and concepts will be the core basis of discussion in future posts.

When does this site go to the pay model? I've got my checkbook in hand already.

Teabaggers Sucked Dry

Who knew the Teabaggers were such whiny Commie babies?

Well, a lot of people, but the point stands.

I Love Sarah Palin, Therefore I Infantilize Her

Oly Olafson, G.O.P. Queenmaker, explains why he's allowed to criticize Sharia Plain, and you're not:

But I also get that there are Republicans who like — even love — Sarah Palin who think some of her handlers might not give her the best of advice or think she should or should not do one thing or another. And i’m finding, both from personal experience and the experience of friends, that when those points are brought up, the person raising the point is often inappropriately attacked as a Palin hater.

Sometimes, yeah. But most times, no. I get that there are people who read RedState and comment here who do not like Palin. And I get that there are people here who love her. Put me on that side. But I also get that there are people who have concerns and get really pathetically attacked for voicing those concerns.

Just consider the reaction to this post I wrote about Palin going to the Tea Party Convention. I did not write it intending at all to be critical of Sarah Palin. In fact, I wrote it hoping her handlers might take some notice and reconsider. That Governor Palin has now publicly said the money is going to the fight really ameliorates the situation.

(No link to Thor Thorsen. The rest of it is pathetic name-dropping.)

The back story is that Wally Walrusson slammed Sharia for headlining the $500-a-ticket Teabag Convention without putting his name on the V.I.P. afterparty list. Sven's fellow Palinists accused him of having double plus ungood thoughts about their Glorious Leader, and demanded a show trial. To appease the rabble, Lars has to explain that he has a duty to criticize Palin because he really, really loves her.

Accordingly, it is perfectly acceptable for Bjorn portray Palin as a victim of her "handlers," without acknowledging that someone who needs handlers, presumably selected those handlers, and isn't bright enough to recognize that she's ill-served by her chosen handlers isn't a particularly good candidate for "federal office" or leader of a movement.

I'm sure Erick truly believes that if he was allowed to handle Sarah Palin, her future would be limitless. Based on Erick's own words, I'm even more confident that Erick's "love" of Sarah is the same type of love he would feel for a special needs child whose disability payments he controlled.

Brody-Do-Do

Beltway-darling Bible-banger and faux journalist David Brody is strangely silent on Marion Robertson's assertion the thousands dead in Haiti were killed because of a deal with the Devil.

Not a word about Robertson from the man annointed to speak for Christ on Meet the Press and Reliable Sources.

Maybe Brody sold his balls to the Devil to get that anchor gig.

Brody does, however, manage to call Sharia Plain a ho:

What? You think Palin and Rachel Maddow were going to co-hos a show together?

You can't afford her, Brody.

And Here's to You, Mrs Robinson

Going to the candidates' debate:

Mrs Robinson — MP for Strangford, member of the Northern Ireland assembly, alderman of Castlereagh borough council and wife of Northern Ireland's first minister — was a frequent customer of William (Billy) McCambley's butcher's shop in Ballyhackamore, east Belfast. His young son Kirk would help out in the shop, and first got to know her in the late 1990s when he was still at primary school.

...

But it was not to remain a mother-son relationship; by mid-summer 2008 the couple were having an affair.

It is difficult to overstate the shock Mrs Robinson's admission on Tuesday provoked in Northern Ireland. Both Peter and Iris Robinson are vocal evangelical Christians from a deeply religious and conservative unionist culture.

Mrs Robinson's transgression was the more astonishing given the controversy generated last year when she described homosexuality as an abomination on a par with paedophilia that made her nauseous. As the BBC programme coyly noted, the passage in Leviticus that she quoted contains similar sentiments about adultery.

Hey hey hey.

More here.

Even the mighty TPM flubs sometimes. On today's front page, TPM highlights this link as "Top News" with the link title "CPAC: Palin Pulled Out!"

Link's from 2009, as evidenced by the fact that Palin is quoted as saying that the "duties of governing" kept her from attending CPAC's Wankapalooza. Palin pulls out so often one can't assume what's she's pulling out of.

Roger's Rules of Personality Disorder

Roger el-Simon:

"3. Disagree, but avoid ad hominem attacks."

"No danger of Nancy Pelosi 'jumping the shark.' No self-respecting shark would come within miles of La Pelsoa. No, Madame Speaker is a witch, so she must jump the broom. And jump the broom she did today, winging her way off the reservation with her squadron of flying monkeys by taking nasty swipes at the President for – hold onto your seats – not living up to his campaign promises on health care. (Maybe she can provide some potions from her cauldron to make up for it)."

Homina homina homina!

Shorter Rog-el: I used to be a liberal, but thanks to 9/11, I've lost the ability to understand Latin. My contempt toward women remains unchanged, however.

Big Girl's Blouse has added Mary Rosh as its academic fraud correspondent. Mary's conclusion?

Science and voters both depend on accurate information. Research can’t be checked when organizations University of East Anglia, NASA, the British Met Office, and others are unwilling to share their data or computer programs.

Ms. Rosh is the first transgendered woman to be hired by Andrew Breitbart. As a blogger.

The White Reagan House

This gentleman's problems can likely be explained by his parentage:

Former President Reagan’s grandson is in jail this morning after police arrested him at his parents’ house in Van Nuys, Los Angeles Police Department officials said.

Cameron Reagan, 31, was arrested on suspicion of resisting arrest, a misdemeanor, and is being held in lieu of $10,000 bail at Van Nuys Jail, said LAPD Officer Bruce Borihanh.

Officers responded to a panic button call on the 4700 block of Allot Avenue about 12:20 a.m. and found Reagan exiting a rear door. He was drinking and “very uncooperative,” Borihanh said. Police did not know who was home at the time or who pushed the panic button.

...

Reagan has suffered from attention-deficit disorder since childhood, which attorneys in 2001 said caused him to drop out of college and made him unable to hold a job. At one point, according to court documents, Reagan was destitute and living on the streets.
...

[Updated at 9:20 a.m.: Michael Reagan, who no longer lives in the home, said the alarm goes directly to the police station. “They surround the house with police cars because of who we are,” he told the AP, adding that his son did not understand what was happening and panicked. “There was a lot of misunderstanding at 1 a.m.”].

Given the neglect that Michael suffered at the hands of Ronnie, it wouldn't surprise me if Cameron suffered the same fate. Given what a flaming asshole Michael is, it's no wonder his wife kicked him out of the house.

Little Drudge's third website, Big Girl's Blouse, has finally floated to the surface. This one purports to cover the press, and features such Howard Kurtz-level journos (and I mean that) as "E.V. Bone," Alicia Colon, and a person pretending to be a dog.

The opening post involves Dimbart acknowledging that his other site, Big Gumbmint, makes shit up and that he really doesn't care about accuracy or the truth. It's nice that he set the standard upfront.

The site should be good for a few laughs. but we don't know how many more "Big" sites Dimbart can populate when he's already scrapped the bottom of the sewer with Patterico and Gutfeld. Unless he can lure Mickey Kaus from Slate, there's no lower to go to.

Cruise vs. Cruise

Those of you with only seven thousand dollars burning a hole in your pocket will find it hard to choose between the National Review Benchwarmers' Cruise (see below) and Commentary's Cruise with the Jews.

Featuring:

John Podhoretz

Elliott Abrams

Bret Stephens

Andrew Roberts
England's leading historian of World War II (!)

Michael Medved

Jennifer Rubin

Norman Podhoretz

Midge Decter

Lest you think I am playing up the Jewish element of the Commentary cruise, read on:

Are Kosher meals available...

Strict (Glatt) Kosher always available:

RSSC cannot prepare Strict kosher meals onboard. It is important to inform the guests that Strict Kosher meals will always be pre-prepared and provided by an outside vendor. The meals are purchased frozen and shipped to the vessel.

If the guest does observe Strict (Glatt) Kosher, please inform the guest that the vessels will always have limited quantities of the following Kosher dishes on inventory.

Kosher meals prepared by Weberman of Miami, FL.

...

Will there be a shabbat service...

Michael Medved will lead a shabbat service for the Commentary Cruise group.

Michael Medved will also host a retrospective of Mel Gibson films.

But don't worry, this is a Cruise of Ideas!

The First Annual Commentary Conference of Ideas will bring together our guest writers, thinkers, and scholars with opinion leaders like you from across the nation and the world to discuss dramatic and frightening changes inside the United States and around the world since the election of Barack Obama-how to view them, how to reply to them, how to combat them, and what the elections of 2010 and 2012 portend.

The existential threat to Israel; the new administration's accommodationist approach to world politics; the dangers of premature exits from Iraq and Afghanistan; the threats to American freedoms from aggressive new legislation on Capitol Hill; and the worshipful embrace of the current leadership from the cultural doyens of Washington and the art world; these will be just some of the matters we will discuss.

Not to mention a reenactment of Willy Kristol's discovery of Sarah Palin on a similar cruise in 2006.

Go and Sin No More

So when does Brit Hume advise Charles Krauthammer that if he accepts Jesus as his personal Saviour he will walk again?

55 percent see a duck. 45 percent see a rabbit. Instacracker sees an insolent socialist Negro.

Saddleback Mountin'

Confirmation that the easiest way to shear the flock is to have a really stupid flock:

Rick Warren says 'radical generosity' is behind the $2.4 million in donations netted by the church in just a few days.

The Purpose Driven author issued an "urgent" plea last week to raise $900,000 in just 48 hours so that his California church, Saddleback, could end 2009 debt-free.

To the cheers of the congregation, Warren announced at Saturday night's service that $2.4 million in donations had so far come in via the web and in envelopes dropped off at the megachurch as a result of the appeal. The total does not include mailed donations, he said.

Warren praised the congregation for their spirit of giving, as he read out letters from donors who had given beyond their means.

"This is pretty amazing," said Warren. "That's a record. I don't think any church has gotten a cash offering like that off a letter.

"We're starting the new decade with a surplus.

"It came from thousands of thousands of ordinary people. There was not one big fat cat."

Warren said, then licked his paw and took a dump in a litter box.

By an amazing coincidence, we at the Roger Ailes blog Ministries need to raise $900,000 to end January 2010 debt-free. Give 'til it hurts, and let next month's rent take care of itself.

National Review Cruise

Ship of Z-List Fools

Check out this No-Star Lineup for May 2010's National Review Cruise:

Michael Mukasey
U.S. Attorney General

William McGurn
Wall Street Journal columnist, chief speechwriter for President Bush

Daniel Hannan
Conservative leader of European Parliament

Charles Kesler
Conservative scholar, editor of Claremont Review of Books

Sally Pipes
President and CEO of the Pacific Research Institute

Bing West
Terrorism and military expert

Kathryn Lopez
National Review Online Editor

Kevin Williamson
National Review Deputy Managing Editor

Kate O' Beirne
National Review Institute President

Cruising with Sally Pipes and William McGurn. Now that's a dream come true. The biggest name is a placeholder brought in to clean up cover up Abu Gonzales' mess.

I suspect the dearth of genetic males from the National Review staff and The Corner on the passenger list is due to recent events involving overseas flights. Not even a free cruise and twenty all-you-can-eat buffets can entice those cowards to enlist as reserves in the War on Terror. The Out to Sea crowd will be hopping mad when they learn they're left with K-Lo and Snagglepuss as candidates for shipboard romance.

Stenography For A Sphincter

It might be a stretch to say that CNN is deliberately pushing the far right agenda in the following article; at a minimum, they're allowing themselves to be played:

(CNN) – A mass e-mail was sent on Tuesday from Carly Fiorina's senatorial campaign, appearing to not only come from the candidate herself, but from her personal BlackBerry.

While most campaigns send e-mails appearing to be written from the candidate, this one took the extra step of adding at the bottom, "Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device." This tag has raised questions about why the campaign, and others which have included similar tags, would take the extra step to tell readers what is highly unlikely: it was sent directly from Fiorina's BlackBerry.

...


"I doubt anyone believed Carly Fiorina typed out that entire e-mail on her BlackBerry specifically to the recipient and took the time to add in the FEC disclosure box," Erick Erickson, the editor-in-chief of RedState.com, said. "It's just silly. I think it undermines the credibility of online campaigns for candidates to do stuff like that."

"I think when online outreach tries to be too cute, people stop taking it seriously," Erickson added.

Evidently no one told CNN "Audience Interaction Producer" Eric Kuhn that people stopped taking Yumpin Yiminy seriously when RedState was founded.

More egregiously, Kuhn failed to inform readers that Yumpin has endorsed Fiorina's primary opponent, frothing wingnut Charles DeVore, and therefore has a substantial interest in attacking Fiorina's credibility. Erickson's not just some random asshole spouting off about trivia; he's an asshole who's working with a candidate's rival to defeat that candidate spouting off about trivia. (Sample santorum: "But as we fight our way back to power, I stand with Chuck DeVore because Chuck DeVore stands with me.")

It's not the asshole who's to be faulted for failing to disclose the conflict, he didn't write the article. That we know of. Perhaps it's just that Kuhn is an incompetent. But, at the Alex Castellanos network, that's far from the only explanation.

Howie the Putz is spending today reflecting on his accomplishments of the past year:

HowardKurtz

Yesterday was Tiger's birthday. Bet he wished for a time machine.

9 minutes ago from web

Stay relevant, Howie!

Out With The Old

The prayers of a thousand c-list wingnut talkers have been denid by a cruel God.

The Republican Party has developed laryngitis for the immediate future.

Wingnut welfare is drying up.

And I feel fine.

Happy New Year to all.

Let's have the best decade of our lives. This could be the best decade ever.

Aloha Oe

Ann Alchouse uses the occasion of Rush Limbaugh's Come-to-Cheney moment to wax moronic on health care reform:

I'm impressed that it took 12 comments before anyone at Politico said that (or anything like that) after a report that Rush Limbaugh has been hospitalized with chest pains and is in "serious" condition.

ADDED: Much re-tweeted at Twitter: "The people calling for Rush Limbaugh to die are the same people who ask to control your healthcare."

I suppose lying about political opponents is the most fitting way to honor Big Pharma. Although Limbaugh's problem was always too much access to health care, not too little. When Rusty goes, it's not going to be the people "calling for" his death who did him in.

May Rusty get the care that everyone deserves.

(No link to Professor Pickle.)

So who gets custody of James Guckert?

And does the other one get custody of Perino?

Fight The Power

I've found the perfect case for Dr. Mrs. Instacracker and the men's rights movement.

After they've proven that Charlie Sheen is the real victim, of course.

The way certain women manipulate the legal system to deny fathers their rights is unconscionable. Boys need a father!

Thank God Tedd Petruna was on Northwest Flight 253.

1,270 Miles

The moment you've all be waiting for:

The King William's College Quiz

Update: Here's an easier and quicker one. My score: 44 out of 70 (and I got the Orly Taitz question wrong!)

"The best thing about Mark Steyn's guest-host stint on Hannity last night — other than Jonah's joining him on the panel — was that Mark asked some pointed questions of two brilliant political strategists, Dick Morris and Karl Rove...."

As John Kennedy would have said, that is the most extraordinary collection of human evil and banality that has ever been gathered together in one place – with the possible exception of when Hitler hosted a pedophile convention.

(From The Corner; it's but not worth the effort.)

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Christmas No. 1

Update: Never would have seen that coming.

Constitutional Commentary From A Christmas Cracker

Ho ho ho:

"Bottom line is Christmas is about Christmas," said Erin Ryan, president of the Redding Tea Party Patriots. "That's why we have it. It's not about winter solstice or Kwanzaa. It's like, 'wow you guys, it's called Christmas for a reason.' "

Ryan said Hyatt's initiative [requiring public schools to play Christmas carols] falls under the umbrella of causes the group supports, which concern limited government, following the constitution and fiscal responsibility.

Totally. For sure.

Sarah, Sexting

Imagine being the stooge who has to write "tweets" in the voice of Sharia Plain:

Copenhgen=arrogance of man2think we can change nature's ways.MUST b good stewards of God's earth,but arrogant&naive2say man overpwers nature BRB PIR

Palin isn't trying to change the debate on climate change, or even to debate climate change, with this dumbfuckery. She's just trying to change the microclimate in Little Dick Lowry's pants and stimulate the suckers who buy books with their other head.

Cockslapalypse Now

900 Foot Jesus Wept

Shorter Richard Cohen

Kati Marton? Never heard of her!

(More here)

By the way, Little Dickie concludes his just askin' column like this:

The reason the Glass Ceiling has not broken is that women have other priorities — maintaining relationships and being a mother. This is the way it is, and this is the way it has always been.

Or perhaps it's the hostile work environment.

Fuck Richard Cohen.

Dr. Strangelove's Son, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying And Use My Parents' Credit Cards

I'll see you, Roy, and I'll raise you ... in hell!

This shouldn't surprise you:

Special Thanks to:
Dr. Michael Apuzzo
Helene Apuzzo
The Murty and Apuzzo families
Irvin Kershner
Gretchen Brooks
Rebecca Julian

We WERE Greeted As Liberators

Alexander Hamilton is spinning in his grave, and Rupert Murdoch's latest hire is rubbing up against the gravestone:

But I must say, I was buying the Liberator [sex aid] and I was watching the demonstration video for all the different positions and I was thinking about my boyfriend at the time, and it got me super turned on . . . just thinking about him and us, and exploring all the different positions on this thing.

I've gotta say, if Rupe thinks anyone's going to pay for that content, he doesn't know the internet.

Old Ash appears to be wandering into Dick Morris/David Vitter territory. (Link SFW.)

Worst Books of the Decade

"There's nothing worse than being told something is wonderful only to discover it's actually The Impressionist by Hari Kunzru."

Whatever you do, don't send Sam Jordison Liberal Fascism: An I Can Write It All By Myself Beginner Book, which will be topping lists of the century's worst books ninety years from now.

Here's one website's list of the worst books of all times. Seems pretty accurate, except for the omission of the Pantload and Jeffrey Archer's works from the top 100.

Roger's Book Sac

Kudos to Mark Kleiman, whose worthy tome has made the Economist's Best of 2009 list:

When Brute Force Fails: How to Have Less Crime and Less Punishment. By Mark Kleiman. Princeton University Press; 256 pages; $29.95 and £20.95 America has one prisoner for every hundred adults—a rate unprecedented in American history and unmatched anywhere in the world. Brute-force crime control has been a costly mistake, both socially and financially. Mr Kleiman shows how smarter enforcement strategies are more successful and make existing budgets go further. An important book that deserves a wider readership.

A link to Amazon.com might have helped, Economist.

Video here.

Who will be the first wingnut to cite this story as proof that health care reform is unnecessary?

Or am I too late?

The Patriot Act

Patriot Pat has been a naughty mascot:

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A man who acts as a mascot for the New England Patriots is among 14 people who have been arrested for prostitution-related crimes in Rhode Island since a new law went into effect that banned indoor prostitution.

The bill signed into law in November made prostitution a misdemeanor crime regardless of where it occurs. Previously, indoor prostitution was allowed because of a legal loophole.

State Police say Robert Sormanti of Warwick was among those arrested in an undercover sting at a hotel. The Providence Journal reports Sormanti is among the team's mascots.

The Patriots said in a statement that multiple people wear the mascot costume and that the "individual in question" has been suspended.

It was easy to pick Pat out of a lineup.

I'm surprised to hear indoor prostitution was legal in Rhode Island. Who would have sex outdoors in Rhode Island? (More about the law here.)

A White Christmas

The usual bedwetters are up in arms that the New York Times has published an supplement pandering to consumers which highlights on one page "gifts created for and by people of color this holiday season." These automatic splutterers are outraged that non-whites not only manufacture and purchase merchandise, but also are allowed to recieve and enjoy gifts.

Said bedwetters have not yet turned their fauxtrage to the National Review's promotion of merchandise to pale parents which contains the following colorful dialogue:

“Yasser. Fokes dunner w’at bin yit, let ’lone w’at gwinter be. Niggers is niggers now, but de time wuz w’en we ’uz all niggers tergedder.”

“When was that, Uncle Remus?”

“Way back yander. In dem times we ’uz all an us black; we ’uz all niggers tergedder, en ’cordin’ ter all de ’counts w’at I years fokes ’uz gittin’ ’long ’bout ez well in dem days ez dey is now. But atter ’w’ile de news come dat dere wuz a pon’ er water some’rs in de naberhood, w’ich ef dey’d git inter dey’d be wash off nice en w’ite, en den one un urn, he fine de place en make er splange inter de pon’, en come out w’ite ez a town gal. En den, bless grashus! w’en de fokes seed it, dey make a break fer de pon’, en dem w’at wuz de soopless, dey got in fus’ en dey come out w’ite; en dem w’at wuz de nex’ soopless, dey got in nex’, en dey come out merlatters; en dey wuz sech a crowd un um dat dey mighty nigh use de water up, w’ich w’en dem yuthers come long, de morest dey could do wuz ter paddle about wid der foots en dabble in it wid der han’s. Dem wuz de niggers, en down ter dis day dey ain’t no w’ite ’bout a nigger ’ceppin de pa’ms er der han’s en de soles er der foot.”

Just like the gifts in the Times, the Complete Tales of Uncle Remus can be given by or to anyone. Unlike the Times selections, Uncle Remus will be repulsive to people of every hue.

The Hora, The Hora

Orrin Hatch has written and performed a Hanukkah song:

Hanukkah, Hanukkah, the festival of lights
I love my Hebrew brothers; you're almost good as whites
You are moatly bluish; we come from states of red
That's okay, we'll just baptize you when you're dead

Senator Hatch is accompanied by Attorney General John Ashcroft on the violin, and Larry Craig on the shofar. And he's already booked for next year's Chabad Telethon.

Due to other commitments, the annual Roger Ailes gift guide will not be up this weekend, as I'd originally planned.

Just send me cash.

Snopes.com Is Worthless

Not completely. If you need to find out whether that internet coupon for a free small Coke at Mountain Mike's Pizza is fake, Snopes.com is the place to go.  If you're interested in the facts concerning something more substantive, Snopes is worthless.

Look at this recent analysis:

Claim: Account describes Muslims engaging in a "dry run" hijacking of Flight 297.

[Snopes' evaluation:] MIXTURE

Of course, the claim is literally true. There is an "account" -- an e-mail -- which describes such a scenario. But the e-mail is pure bullshit. And even before the airline, AirTran, debunked the e-mail by proving that the purported author wasn't on Flight 297, there was no evidence -- and Snopes cites none -- that the conflict between a flight attendant and a passenger involved a "dry run" for a highjacking or even a Muslim. Yet Snopes doesn't call the account FALSE. (Steves M. and Benen have more details on Flight 297 and the bullshit e-mail.)

Snopes -- by which I mean those frauds, Barbara and David P. Mikkelson -- doesn't have the integrity to dispel the wingnut fantasy for the lie it is. Calling this story a "Mixture" is like applying the same label to the tale that, on Monday, November 30, 2009, I flew to the moon on a lead ballon where I had sex with Linda Evangelista and posted to this blog 17 times. Because part of that is true.

Here's another example:

Letter purportedly written by nonagenarian Navy veteran criticizes President Obama

CORRECTLY ATTRIBUTED

Some codger supposedly writes a letter to Obama, filled with the bullshit he heard on talk radio, and Snopes declares the rumor "Correctly Attributed" because the geezer supposedly wrote the letter. (Snopes claims to have verified the authorship; in truth, they never spoke with the geezer, and relied on a third-hand account that the old fart dictated the letter to a secretary.) But the letter is filled with demonstrable falsehoods(*) which Snopes doesn't even bother to debunk.

No one gives a toss that some obscure doddering fool "wrote" a nasty letter to Obama. There are a million crackpots writing a million crackpot letters to politicians and public figures every year. What's significant is the substance of the letter, which is filled with fabrications. Snopes has no interest in those, even though the the idiot Palin and others are endorsing those lies.

I don't know whether the Mikkelsons are right-wing hacks, but they're definitely incompetent hacks.

Update: The Flight 297 e-mailer, Teddy Petruna, claims, in conversation with a wingnut columnist, that he was in fact on the flight. Let's assess his credibility:

Even as people scrambled to substantiate the e-mail, Muslim and leftist Web sites began characterizing the writer and anyone who thought it might have merit as "right wing racists." They immediately initiated a campaign to discredit and ridicule the writer, who actually had the audacity to speak boldly about the escalating fear and anger on the flight, though he admitted to me yesterday he'd taken artistic license with a couple points, never imagining it would travel beyond his circle of friends. He's not a journalist, and has no wish to become the next Joe the Plumber, he said.

A "couple points" of fabrication. Not surprisingly, Tedd and his scrivener aren't too specific about the specific lies Tedd told. But it was certainly boldly audacious of Tedd to send a private e-mail to friends in which he portrayed himself as a hero, believing his facts wouldn't be checked. The Audacity of Soft-Soap, one might call it. Meanwhile, Tedd's scrivener claims to be "regular folk" looking for "the truth," even as she covers up for Tedd and attacks those attempting to discredit his admittedly bogus e-mail.

* Most are lies about Obama himself, but, among the most eggregious of the falsehoods is the claim that "500,000 men died" in the Civil War "for" "the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man." Sorry, gramps, but your fellow crackers died because they were against that ideal, and nowhere near 500,000 Americans died in the Civil War.

Birther Duh Nation Has A Favorite Daughter*

Now that Sharia Plain has made her bid for the Birther wing of the Republican Party, what will Mittens, Newt, Huckabee and Pawlenty do to up the ante? Surely they won't concede the G.O.P.'s biggest voting bloc to Palin, Dobbs and Keyes.

* Ms. Taitz is barred from becoming President, due to a Constitutional conspiracy involving the Founders and Eric Holder.

NOT On Roger's List

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas at the National Review Book Service's "Christmas For Conservatives" webpage. Bargain-minded shoppers can take advantage of these "twofer" deals on items no literate conservative home should be without:

Buy The "Official 2009 White House Christmas Ornament" with:
Muslim Mafia: Inside the Secret Underworld that's Conspiring to Islamize America
by P. David Gaubatz and Paul Sherry
List Price : $50.90
Buy Together: $44.90 (Save 12%)


Buy Still Standing [by Carrie Prejean] with:
The American Boy's Handy Book
by Daniel C. Beard
List Price : $40.94
Buy Together: $29.90 (Save 27%)


Buy The Complete Tales of Uncle Remus with:
The Christmas Sweater
by Glenn Beck
List Price : $52.99
Buy Together: $43.90 (Save 17%)

Over at Jake Tosser's Political Cockpunch, one of Tosser's interns smarms it up on behalf of the boss:

Golf Digest Asks -- What Can President Obama Learn from Tiger Woods?

And I do mean intern. Spreading Tosser's sleaze must be better a career path than that peace shit.

Rush and Kate Minus Eight

Big Pharma's marrying a gal named Kathryn. But not named Lopez. Sadly, she was too old for Rush. All that opposition to marriage equality, for nothing!

Obliviously We Roll Along

Yes, he said it:

The role of stigma in a free society is one of the least appreciated topics in modern discourse, I think.

JonJon Meacham writes about the aftermath of Liz Cheney's promotion of Dick2012! bid:

After Liz Cheney's remark on Fox News, a flood of subsequent e-mails asked her, "Where do I sign up?"

Think about this for a minute.

Did JonJon actually see the e-mails? Or did Liz tell him about the e-mails, mostly likely in the V.I.P. orgy room at Morning Joe? If the latter, shouldn't JonJon have written: "Liz Cheney asserts that her e-mail box was flooded... and I couldn't be bothered to find out what she meant by 'flooded.'"

More fundamentally, who has Liz Cheney's e-mail address? Not very many people, and even fewer Dick-haters, I'd wager. So why is JonJon breathlessly spreading rumors about the contents of Liz's in box as if they have any significance? Are suck-up e-mails the new 538.com?

And, really, JonJon -- "After ... a flood of subsequent ...." Doesn't Newsweek have any editors?

Link via Blue Texan at FDL

Spencer Ackerman pimp slaps Fred Barnes:

That means by the end of Obama's first year in office, he'll have ordered more troops into the Afghan war than were there when he was elected president. Believing that Obama would oppose a U.S. troop increase under a counterfactional conditional requires actively ignoring shitloads of evidence. In fairness, if you read Barnes's book about Bush, you’ll learn that under the ex-president's stewardship, "al Qaeda and the Taliban had been subdued in Afghanistan," making this whole war thing rather hard to understand.

Headlines We'd Like to See

Golfer Woods Slams Caddy Into Tree

What, all the good headline writers took the weekend off?

Update (11/30):

Howard Kurtz: Why do you call me "Short Game," Russell?

Russell: You're all putz.

School For Scandalmongerers

This Climategate "scandal" isn't getting much traction outside the wingnutosphere. Perhaps if Jim Hoft dressed up as a pimp, and persuaded Al Roker to raise his 5-day forecast by five degrees in exchange for full service from Mark Steyn, the mainstream media would give it more attention.

I'm sure Hoft would jump at the opportunity.

Logrolling for Dick

CNN is retyping the press releases for a new "Draft Cheney" website:

Washington (CNN) – A new group wants former Vice President Dick Cheney back in the White House.

The organization - "Draft Dick Cheney 2012" - launched on Friday, and unveiled their new Web site. Their aim: To convince the former vice president to seek the Republican presidential nomination in the next race for the White House. But there may be a major roadblock to the group's pitch - Cheney himself.

"The 2012 race for the Republican nomination for President will be about much more then who will be the party's standard bearer against Barack Obama, the race is about the heart and soul of the GOP," said Christopher Barron, one of the organizers of the Draft Cheney movement. "There is only one person in our party with the experience, political courage and unwavering commitment to the values that made our party strong – and that person is Dick Cheney."

The movement's website itself looks more like a store for crap political merchandise than a credible campaign to draft Darth Dick. You can give $2,300.00 to the draft movement, and buy Cheney 2012 "apparal," but there's not much on how the movement plans to entice Dick back into the arena.

And these particular Dickophiles won't get much support once Republicans get a look at their leader:

GOPROUD, the new 527 group, will launch next week, according to a media advisory. The contact given for the group is Christopher Barron, a former Log Cabin political director who broke with the group.

"Essentially, there's no voice for gay Republicans or gay conservatives in particular in D.C. right now. Log Cabin has been completely and totally absent here in D.C. for months and months," Barron said. "It has simply moved way too far to the left and is basically indistinguishable from any other gay left organization." ...

His group would, he said, focus on traditional Republican issues like private health care and private savings accounts.

Many Republican dead-enders love dick, just not in that way. The bigots and bloodlusters who make up Dick Cheney's fan base aren't going to be led by a gay man, let alone subsidize him.

It's just as well Draft Cheney isn't going anywhere. Dicky's ticker wouldn't survive the eight more years of college and attempts at procreation necessary to avoid the draft.

The Wedding Planner

Since sex and drugs are the only sane reasons to be a libertarian, how do you explain this?

I'd snark, but given Megan and I frequently make CBO jokes when drawing up wedding budgets, it's probably best I refrain.

I suppose when your livelihood involves astroturfing for Dick Armey, you take your pleasure where you can find it.

Frank Rich caught the same whiff of brimstone from Palin's faux-philo-Semitism as I did:

but when Barbara Walters did ask some, Palin either recycled Dick Cheney verbatim (Obama is “dithering”) or ran aground. Her argument for why “Jewish settlements” should be expanded on the West Bank was that “more and more Jewish people will be flocking to Israel in the days and weeks and months ahead.” It was unclear what she was talking about — unless it was the “rapture” theology that requires the mass return of Jews to settle the Holy Land as a precondition for the return of Christ.

Those of you doing your early holiday shopping for your good pal Roger might wish to click here.

The one that comes with the bottle of Patrón is my favorite.

I Want My Apocalypse Now

WALTERS: The Obama administration does not want Israel to build any more settlements on what they consider Palestinian territory. What is your view on this?

PALIN: I disagree with the Obama administration on that. I believe that the Jewish settlements should be allowed to be expanded upon, because that population of Israel is, is going to grow. More and more Jewish people will be flocking to Israel in the days and weeks and months ahead. And I don’t think that the Obama administration has any right to tell Israel that the Jewish settlements cannot expand

WALTERS: Even if it's [in] Palestinian areas?

PALIN: I believe that the Jewish settlements should be allowed to be expand.

Why will "more and more" Jews be "flocking to Israel in the days and weeks and months ahead"? And why might Sharia Plain want them to?

Though there are myriad interpretations of how it will play out, the basic Christian apocalyptic countdown - as described by the Book of Revelation in the New Testament - is as follows:

Jews return to Israel after 2,000 years, the Holy Temple is rebuilt, billions of people perish during seven years of natural disasters and plagues, the antichrist arises and rules the world, the battle of Armageddon erupts in the vicinity of Israel, Jesus returns to defeat Satan's armies and preside over Judgment Day.

That would be darn awesome!

The First Lunar War

Internecine combat has broken out in Wingnuttia, between Richard "Minty" Miniter and two of the conservatismdom's biggest organs. Minty has now lawyered up with another wingnut organ, Krazy Kounsellor Klayman.

Let the games begin!

Richard Miniter, the ousted editor, made headlines this week claiming that he was "coerced" into attending a Unification Church mass wedding conducted by church's leader, Rev. Sun Myung Moon. He also claimed age discrimination—he's 42—and has said that the Times didn't want to pay his high salary. His complaint to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission was reported first by Talking Points Memo.

His lawyer, Larry Klayman, hoped the EEOC complaint would lead to a deal, but he says that hasn't happened and tomorrow he plans to step up his legal attack on the newspaper. "You ain't seen nothing yet," he says.

This isn't Miniter's first legal tussle with a publisher. Whispers learns that he recently lost a case with his book publisher, Regnery Publishing Inc., and was having his Times biweekly wages garnished. Under the court order, he was paying $1,325.08 out of each paycheck as he worked off a $159,428.28 judgment.

According to documents in U.S. District Court case No. 08-709, Regnery paid the New York Times bestselling author $238,333 in advance royalties for two books. The first payment was for Disinformation . He was to get another $116,667 when the manuscript of his second book was delivered. But the two got in a fight over the second book, and it was never written. Miniter suggested a book titled Hunting Zarqawi and said he'd need $96,206 to research it. Regnery balked, and the arbitrator agreed that Regnery wasn't required to pay anything before receiving the manuscript of the second book. The federal court ordered his wages garnished beginning in March.

Of course, now Miniter isn't being paid, the result of his ouster, and it is unclear how the judgment would continue if the Times makes a deal.

Miniter is also involved in another case with Eagle Publishing Inc., in which he and others claim they weren't paid proper royalties.

Is there such a thing as a cesspool of vipers?

The Real America

Wes Pruden's dad, being a natural-born citizen, was able to show little Wes what the real America is all about:

Born and raised in Arkansas, Pruden has a deep-rooted affection for Dixie. His father, the Rev. Wesley Pruden Sr., was a leading spokesperson for Little Rock's racist Capital Citizens Council, which fought bitterly against school desegregation in the 1950s and 1960s. During the landmark confrontations at Little Rock High School in 1957, when President Dwight Eisenhower sent National Guard troops to protect nine black teenagers as they entered the white school, Pruden Sr. reportedly told the assembled mob: "That's what we've got to fight! Niggers, Communists, and cops!"

Little Wesley learned his lessons well, stating in 1988, "God bless the Confederate States of America." He regrets only that his daddy didn't lynch the President's father when such things were the order of the day in "the American mainstream."

Meet Your Liberal Media

Chunky David Faustino (or it is Chunky Kenny Craig?) has been given a blog by The New York Times, where he's allowed, if not encouraged, to spout drivel such as this gem declaring that anti-choicers are the new feminists.

Next up, Scott Roeder is the new Sojourner Truth, plus Ross' letters to Frumhouse Forum (NSFW).

Ross has wisely decided to moderate comments to his blog, so no one can remind Times' readers of the quality of Ross' work before he was given a Times column. Although it can't hurt to try.

Query

Did the RNC's health insurance coverage pay for the nineteen rubber johnnies that Blake Hall disposed of on his former girlfriend's lawn?

If so, will he be forced to resort to direct deposit now that the policy's being changed?

For I Was Hungry, But The District Recognized Gay Marriage, So You Let Me Starve to Death

The very Christ-like Catholic Church takes a stand:

The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington said Wednesday that it will be unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn't change a proposed same-sex marriage law, a threat that could affect tens of thousands of people the church helps with adoption, homelessness and health care.

Under the bill, headed for a D.C. Council vote next month, religious organizations would not be required to perform or make space available for same-sex weddings. But they would have to obey city laws prohibiting discrimination against gay men and lesbians.

Fearful that they could be forced, among other things, to extend employee benefits to same-sex married couples, church officials said they would have no choice but to abandon their contracts with the city.

"If the city requires this, we can't do it," Susan Gibbs, spokeswoman for the archdiocese, said Wednesday. "The city is saying in order to provide social services, you need to be secular. For us, that's really a problem."

Then don't take the millions of dollars ($8.2M from 2006-2008, according the article) that the District gives you. That money can be given to actual humanitarian organizations, and you can spend your parishoners' money on the Pope's latest Prada outfits, incense and buying the silence of former altar boys. Ptoblem solved.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Blake's Semen Edition

If you're a Republican, a little thing like a criminal conviction's not going to keep you from collecting a public paycheck:

But [Blake] Hall, 56, will keep his $31,000-a-year job as the civil attorney in nearby Fremont County, according to Prosecutor Joette Lookabaugh, a Republican who hired Hall in January.

Lookabaugh said she told Hall he would keep his job "unless or until his ability to do an outstanding job for Fremont County citizens is compromised."

In a news release, Lookabaugh suggested Hall was singled out because of his notoriety.

"I understand that political figures are held to a higher standard," she said. "What is disturbing is the fact that often people who have devoted their lives to public service are not given the same benefits, or are treated more harshly, than the public at large. There seems to be a certain amount of political glee in striking down the well-known for any real or perceived foible."

And what made Hall so notorious, foible-wise?

Blake Hall, a leading figure in Idaho and national politics for 25 years, was fired Monday as a deputy prosecuting attorney in eastern Idaho and has resigned from the Republican National Committee.

Hall, a former member of the state Board of Education, pleaded guilty Friday to stalking a former girlfriend and is serving a 15-day jail sentence. He also was sentenced to a year of supervised probation. A six-month jail sentence was suspended.

Idaho Falls police reported that witnesses said Hall disposed of used condoms on the lawn of the woman's house. Nineteen condoms were turned over to police, collected on 10 different dates, according to a police report. Both Hall and his lawyer acknowledged the condoms belonged to him, according to a police report.

Also, between March and August, Hall repeatedly followed the woman to restaurants, the movies and her home, and he ignored her repeated requests that he leave her alone, according to police and court records.

But that's not the part that was disturbing to Joette.

Rest assured, members of the Idaho State Bar. If you're a nobody who stalks and harasses a woman and deposits your used scumbags on the woman's lawn, you'll get just the same consideration of your resume from Fremont County as does a politically-connected sex offender applying for the same position. And apparently the State won't yank your license!

Blake's got some mad civil litigation skills, too, according to the police report (see sidebar in above link):

I asked Hall if he left the condoms on the _________ property. Hall told me that he did not. I aksed him if we would find his DNA within the bodly fluids inside the condoms. Hall paused, and then told me it was possible that __________ had gotten into his trash, removed the condoms, and placed them on her own lawn (over a period of several weeks). Hall told me that this might possibly explain how the condoms did originate from him.

A genius like that could tell a jury anything. Although I suspect he'll have trouble finding many people who will make a handshake deal with him.

It won't surprise anyone that Hall owns a red BMW, a red Lexus and a purple Honda Ridgeline.

(Link via Wonkette.)

The Rasmussen Distort

Is there a more worthless polling organziation than Rasmussen? (Don't worry, Frank Luntz, we haven't forgotten you and your grease-laden rug!)

Here's Scotty Rasmussen's latest dump:

Sixty percent (60%) of likely voters nationwide say last week's shootings at Fort Hood should be investigated by military authorities as a terrorist act.

The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that just 27% want the incident investigated by civilian authorities as a criminal act. Another 13% are not sure.

In order of importance:

Does that 60 percent want military authorities to conclude that the shootings were a terroist act? If so, they don't want an investigation at all.

In the real world, the options aren't simply (1) investigation by the military as a terrorist act or (2) investigation by civilian authorities as a criminal act. The military investigates crimes which aren't terrorist acts and civil authorities investigate crimes which are terrorist acts. Both can investigate either, and they can investigate simultaneously. The question forces the respondents to make a false choice, except for that 13 percent that undoubtedly told Scotty Rasmussen to go fuck himself with a bent poll.

And why is Scotty polling likely voters? Do we get to vote on who conducts the investigation?

It's obvious what's going on. Scotty knows that most people understand a shooting by military officer who kills military personnel on a military base will be, and should be, investigated by the military. But he wants people to say the shooting was a terrorist act. So he drafts a question that gets people who recognize the former to say the latter.

Scotty's just another scumbag who exploits a tragedy for political purposes. No wonder he's got Mickey Kaus' endorsement on his website.

Shorter Ann Althouse: Harvey Levin is a Jewy un-Christian Jew. Who seeks to destroy young Christian women through his un-Christian acts.

This from the dimwit who claimed that Michael Moore's latest film was anti-Semitic because some of the capitalists featured were Jewish. As ever, Alchouse speaks out of both sides of her ass.

At least she hasn't given up her obsession with young women's breasts.

Warning: link to the Alchouse.

I hate shit like this:

One Democratic strategist said that shortly after an appearance on Fox he got a phone call from a White House official telling him not to be a guest on the show again. The call had an intimidating tone, he said.

The message was, "We better not see you on again," said the strategist, who spoke on condition of anonymity so as not to run afoul of the White House. An implicit suggestion, he said, was that "clients might stop using you if you continue."

In urging Democratic consultants to spurn Fox, White House officials might be trying to isolate the network and make it appear more partisan.

And by shit, I mean journalism by Peter Nicholas.

The first paragraph asserts a claim from an anonymous source, concerning an unnamed offical, and the second and third paragraphs assume the claim to be true. The article makes no effort to inform the reader as to what motive anon. might have in making the claim, what anon.'s political views are, whether anon. had another candidate in '08, etc. By refusing to identify the "White House official," the author makes it impossible to rebut the claim with an unequivocal denial. And, of course, any douchebag can call him or herself a Democratic strategist (see Marshall Wittman, Dan Gerstein, etc.).

The article goes on to quote Pat Caddell, DILDO (Democrat In the Last Decade Only). (Yes, this is incorrect, because Caddell hasn't been a Dem. for more than 20 years (see below), but DMT20YAO is not as snappy.)

But Patrick Caddell, a Fox News contributor and a former pollster for Democratic President Jimmy Carter, said he has spoken to Democratic consultants who have been told by the White House to avoid appearances on Fox. He declined to give their names.

Caddell said he had not gotten that message himself from the White House. "They know better than to tell me anything like that," he said.

Very butch, Pattycakes! Just like the White House knows better than to tell Sean Hannity not to appear on FOX News. There's some people you just don't push around.

Here's what Nicholas fails to tell you about FOX News' own Jack Elam:

In 1988, Caddell left the Democratic Party after an acrimonious lawsuit with a Democratic consulting firm. Republicans would often cite Caddell's tirades against the Democratic Party on the floor of the House and the Senate.
...

His analysis on polls and campaign issues often puts him at odds with the current leadership of the Democratic Party. He has been criticized as often attacking Democratic politicians and predicting the downfall of the Democratic party. Critics point out that he has defended the Bush administration by claiming that Republicans did not exploit the issue of gay marriage in the presidential election of 2004. He also referred to Democrats in the House who voted against the Palm Sunday Compromise, which sought to reinstate Terri Schiavo's feeding tube, as "cold blooded" and denounced them.

Nicholas quotes an anonymous (and most likely, pretend) Dem. and a Frozen Caveman Dem. from the Miami Vice era to bash the Obama White House. To be any more dishonest, he'd have to disinter Strom Thurmond and have his remains denounce Barry X on behalf of the Democratic Party.

Ailes Exclusive: Stills From THE TAPE

I didn't realize it was so public.

That's what I call "Values!"

Grand Old Police Blotter: Guiliani Partners In Crime Edition

The homeland feels more secure already:

Bernard B. Kerik, New York City’s former police commissioner, is expected to plead guilty on Thursday to a single conspiracy charge in an agreement that would resolve the three pending federal criminal trials he faces in New York and Washington, people with knowledge of the matter said Wednesday. The deal, they say, could send him to jail for almost three years.

I wish no harm to Judy Regan's consort, but I'm guessing the man is feeling nostaligic for the Green Zone right about now.

P.S. Heh.

Here's how you hold onto a seat:

In early returns, Garamendi led Republican David Harmer by 57 percent to 38 percent. Green Party candidate Jeremy Cloward, American Independent Jerome Denham and Peace and Freedom candidate Mary McIlroy were far behind.

Like a contested congressional race in New York and gubernatorial showdowns in Virginia and New Jersey, conservatives sought to portray the election results in the Bay Area congressional contest as a referendum on President Obama's administration and a harbinger of voter attitudes for the 2010 midterm elections.

Actually, most wingnuts realized Harmer was in for a gigantic ass-kicking, and pretended the race didn't exist. But here's some good news:

Garamendi said a representative from Pelosi's office urged him to fly to Washington, D.C., today so he could be sworn into office on Thursday.

"I may very well be there this weekend to provide a critical vote on health care," Garamendi told The Chronicle Tuesday. "I would be very happy to make that yes vote my first vote in Congress."

David Hasselhoff No Longer The Biggest Loser With "Hoff" in His Name

Kudos to the Republican Party for losing a lock twice, first with their own candidate, and then with their adopted one.

As for you, Doug E. Fail, the next time you run for election, try doing it with campaign workers smart enough not to drive over broken glass and without the racist dregs of the internet and basic cable.

The best revenge would be to offer Christie a wafer-thin mint.

(Yes, I am sure 100 people have already proffered this gag.)

Self-administered breast examinations save lives.

Ignorance kills.

This dude needs to give himself a rectal exam with a 12-inch Cheney.

I say it because I care.

Libertarian Snark

Megan McArdle attempts snark:

The fact that all free market, small government efforts are entirely funded by a combination of three scary billionaires, and a bunch of big self-interested corporations, is a sort of stylized fact among a certain portion of the progressive media. Apparently, checking this theory would be like trying to get three separate sourcs [sic] to tell you that the sky is blue.

And which proggy fishwrap is the target of McArdle's scathing, subliterate remarks? The Nation? The Daily Worker? Let's see:

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Fucking lying commies! The only outfit with lower editorial standards is The Atlantic.

The Mentally Substandard

Dig this crazy insight from Matty Incontinenti:

"It was telling that Fey should be the actress who impersonated Palin. The two women may look like each other, but they could not be more dissimilar. Each exemplifies a different category of feminism. Palin comes from the I-can-do-it-all school. She is professionally successful, has been married for more than 20 years, and has a large and (from all outward appearances) happy family. And while Fey is also pretty, married, and has a daughter, the characters she portrays in films like Mean Girls and Baby Mama, and in television shows like 30 Rock, are hard-pressed eggheads who give up personal fulfillment—e.g., marriage and motherhood—in the pursuit of professional success," he writes. "On 30 Rock, Fey, who is also the show's chief writer and executive producer, plays Liz Lemon, a television comedy writer modeled on herself. Liz Lemon is smart, funny, and at the top of her field. But she fails elsewhere. None of her relationships with men works out. She wants desperately to raise a child but can find neither the time nor the means to marry or adopt. Lemon makes you laugh, for sure. But you also would be hard pressed to name a more unhappy person on American TV."

Fey is a successful television producer, comic actress and writer who portrays, successfully, an unhappy unmarried character. Thus, she is unlike Sarah Palin, who doesn't portray an unhappy unmarried character on the teevee.

The contrast you're looking for, Matty, is this: People laugh with Fey, they laugh at Palin.

Update: Curses! Foiled again by Steve M.!

976-WANK

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This Would Be Good For The Hit Count

Friends and associates are encouraging Roger Ailes — Fox News founder, chairman and CEO — to jump into the political arena for real by running for President in 2012. "Ailes knows how to frame an issue better anybody and that's what we need now," says one Ailes friend who is encouraging him to run. Frank Luntz, for one, tells Playbook that Ailes could be a force if does it. "I have known Roger Ailes for 29 years," says Luntz. "No one knows how to win better than Roger."

Of course, the FFF has about as much chance of winning the nomination as Frank Luntz has of become a legitimate pollster -- or Mike Allen has of becoming a respected journalist. But I can dream.

No, Yes, Yes, Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No and Not Even That

Ron Rosenbaum wakes up in a sewer and addresses its occupants:

Are you aware of the nature of Hitler's chief opposition, the German Social Democratic Party? Frankly I doubt it. As someone who has researched and written about the death-struggle between the German Social Democratic Party (yes, they were socialists! and pro-democracy!) and the Nazis (in Explaining Hitler), as someone who has spoken with aging German social democrats, whose fellow party members were murdered by Nazi thugs on the streets and in the concentration camps, I have to say to the Hitler mustache crew: Have you no shame, have you no decency? Have you no ability to read history? Are you not aware of how sickening your trivialization of Nazi evil is. You are traducing the memory of some of the bravest defenders of democracy in Germany by mimicking the Nazis' meretricious expropriation of the socialist name. Are you unable to distinguish between Nazi Germany and the democratic socialism of Sweden, say? Are you that detached from reality?

The German Social Democratic party fought the Nazis in the streets, in the press (see my chapter on the socialist anti-Hitler newspaper, The Munich Post) whose reporters risked their lives to warn the world about the evil brewing in Germany. Evil fomented by Nazi lies and violence. The German Social Democratic Party was, by the way, hated not just by the Nazis but by the Communists as well. Both totalitarian groups couldn’t abide a genuinely pro-democratic party. (Are you aware there’s a difference between democratic socialism and totalitarian communism? Whatever critique you have of the former, they were never mass murderers like the latter. Have you read anything but the Jonah Goldberg book?)

And they accused Fannie Mae of giving too much credit.

Warning: Link goes to Depends Media.

A Zen Koan from Jesus' Ex-Wife

"An e-mail, not from a mom yet"

Grand Old Police Blotter: Jail to the Chief of Police Edition

Rudy Nine of Eleven's corrupt enforcer and the man George W. Bush wanted to head the Department of Homeland Security has gotten a new pad. One without a view of the ruins of the World Trade Towers or Judith Regan's naked flesh:

Bernard Kerik became the first NYPD commissioner to land in jail Tuesday after a judge revoked his bail for trying to taint the jury pool in his upcoming corruption trial.

Late last night Kerik was taken from White Plains Federal Court to the Westchester County Jail in Valhalla. His lawyers vowed a prompt appeal to try and get him out.

A furious Judge Stephen Robinson threw Kerik in the clink after prosecutors said the former top cop and the head of his legal defense fund engaged in a subversive campaign to sway potential jurors.

The judge blasted Kerik for ignoring his prior warnings to bar Anthony Modafferi, the head of the fund, from posting anti-prosecution rants on on the Internet.

"Mr. Kerik has a toxic combination of self-minded focus and arrogance that leads him to believe that the ends justify the means, that rules that apply to all don't apply to him in the same way, that rulings of the court are an inconvenience," Robinson said.

The one-time "hero" of 9/11 was led away by U.S. marshals after handing his red tie, religious medals and a ring to his lawyers, standard procedure for all prisoners.

Rudy Guiliani could not be reached for an implausible denial.

This Just In: Water Is Wet

The episode that transfixed the nation last week — a spaceship-like balloon floating through the Colorado skies with a 6-year-old boy named Falcon believed to be inside — was declared “a hoax” by the Larimer County sheriff’s office on Sunday.

"It has been determined that this is a hoax, that it was a publicity stunt," the Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said at a news conference in Fort Collins, Colo., one day after re-interviewing members of the now-famous Heene family about the case. "We have evidence to indicate it was a publicity stunt done with the hope of marketing themselves to a realty [sic] television show sometime in the future."

Richard Heene and his wife Mayumi have not yet been arrested, but the sheriff said that among the charges being considered are three felonies: conspiracy between the husband and the wife to commit a crime, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and an attempt to influence a public servant, the last of which carries a prison term of six years. The charges could also include a misdemeanor, filing a false report.

True liberal that I am, I refuse to endorse torture or the death penalty for these people, no matter how much it is warranted. Although I admit to wavering as applied to Wolf Blitzer.

Where Does The Time Go?

Crap. Another week with no posts. Someone has to be held accountable.

Learn to Write, Morans

A professional writer:

I guess I must hate America, but I actually think it's kind of ludicrous that anyone is even trying to argue that Barack Obama truly deserves this Nobel Peace Prize.

Corrected:

Perhaps I hate America, but it's ludicrous to argue that Barack Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.

What Mickey Kaus Should Do With Food And Water

Biggest upset since I was robbed of the Man Booker Prize.

'Jew Read Ann Alchouse's Latest Inanity?

Attention/Moisture seeker Ann Althouse is back on the crazy wagon again. She reviews Capitalism: A Love Story by the Fat One as follows:

The most striking thing in the movie was the religion. I think Moore is seriously motivated by Christianity. He says he is (and has been since he was a boy). And he presented various priests, Biblical quotations, and movie footage from "Jesus of Nazareth" to make the argument that Christianity requires socialism. With this theme, I found it unsettling that in attacking the banking system, Moore presented quite a parade of Jewish names and faces. He never says the word "Jewish," but I think the anti-Semitic theme is there. We receive long lectures about how capitalism is inconsistent with Christianity, followed a heavy-handed array of — it's up to you to see that they are — Jewish villains.

Am I wrong to see Moore as an anti-Semite? I don't know, but the movie worked as anti-Semitic propaganda. I had to struggle to fight off the idea the movie seemed to want to plant in my head.

Yes, "Jesus is a Socialist" is the most anti-Semitic premise ever told.

And addledpated Annie had to actively fight off the anti-Semitic thoughts the movie was forcing her to think against her will. Apparently, she lost the battle against the mind-controlling effects of the film Sideways -- which is the most plausible explanation for all her ravings since 2004.

Alchouse can't be bothered to offer a sober assessment of whether Moore's rogues' gallery is filled with rogues, nor does she nominate some Catholics and Baptists who Moore might have called out instead. She can't even bother to remember who Moore named checked; it's as if those names have passed out of her mind. She's simply scraped the bottom of the bottle and spewed out the last insipid dregs.

Sorry, no link to the Nuthouse. It's up to you to find that crap.

Roger's Reader Participation Corner

Who really wrote Liberal Fascism: Dreams of My Mother by Jonah Goldberg?

So You Think You Can Domenech?

Do you have what it takes to be the next Dick Cohen or Dean Broder? The new George Fwill or ATM Annie Applebaum? Do your views range from neo-conservative to neo-neo-conservative? Do you blast the failed Obama presidency more in fake sorrow than in anger? Do the words "recovering liberal" or "G.O.P. speechwriter/lobbyist" come up when undergoing background checks and 78-hour hold evaluations? Do your conflicts of interest let you live large? Has Sally Quinn or Kitty Weymouth held your cocktail? Isn't that Joe Scarborough a laff riot?

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To stop laughing.

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