Confidential to Rand Paul

Domino's pizza still sucks.

Hackowe'en

Mickey Kaus, who is still alive, has snuck back into the e-pages of Slate.com, with this anonymous missive to "Dear Prudence:"

Dear Prudence,

I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more “modest” streets—mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn’t a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children. Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what’s the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids?

-- Halloween for the 99 Percent

"Are there no sweatshops and child sex traffickers?" Kaus left unsaid. 

Kaus' query recalls his White Fright fantasy from nearly a decade ago:

There was a large gang fight on Halloween in the lush heart of L.A.'s affluent suburban West Side, I'm told. Dozens of teenagers, some wielding bats and chains, from rival black and Hispanic outfits battled each other around 26th Street and San Vicente, on the border between Santa Monica and Brentwood, the latter probably the most expensive neighborhood in Los Angeles. Police were called to the scene in force.

After blasting the L.A. Times for failing to report his delusions,
Kaus later weaseled, "just because the police don't respond doesn't mean nothing happened."

Urchins, if you stop by the Kaus condo this Oct. 31, be sure your toilet paper is recycled. And well-used.  

Grand Old Police Blotter: Heavily Intoxicated and Angry Edition

Who among us has not ridden around in stretch limo with our parents, heavily intoxicated, crashing parties. punching people and flipping people off?

Especially on Dad's special day.

Phony and Phonier

It's unanimous.  On this morning's Drunken Joe, Mark Halperin and Drunken Joe confirmed what Ron Phonier has already told us -- All the Democrats who Ron, Mark and the Drunk speak to privately hate President Obama.  (Or, as Mark calls them, all of "the elite Democrats").

Ron Phonier started it off with yet another column about his free-lunch pals:

A senator. A House member. A former presidential campaign manager. An adviser to President Obama. All Democrats, these officials [sic] have made it a habit to call or email me almost every week of Obama's second term to share their concerns about the course of his presidency.

They ask only that I don't identify them. Some fear retribution; others don't want to compromise their financial or political standing inside their party. These Democrats speak admirably about the president's intellect, integrity, and intentions, but they question his leadership—an admittedly squishy term that can be unfairly deployed against people with the guts to lead. But their critiques are specific, consistent and credible—and they comport with what many other Democrats are telling other journalists, almost always, privately.

If there's anyone whose views on leadership I'd want to know more about, it's those stalwart fellows who whine weekly to a wingnut but won't allow themselves to be named because it might cost them something.  

Phonier now claims that Leon Panetta is the face of the cowering sexters who dictate Phonier's column.  But Panetta has spoken publicly, on the record, without hiding behind the extra-wide Dockers of Republicans posing as journalists. Of course, there's always the probability that Phonier is hiding behind the facade of imagined Dems, since he knows his own opinions are completely worthless to sane people. Perhaps another look into Phonier's e-mail box is in order, for real journalism's sake.

The National Journal, Bloomberg News and MSNBC are now the moral and intellectual equivalent of the slam book.  Keep up the good slap fight, boys!

Wank and Wanker

Over at the Moonie Times (no link), this story was wrung out of a well-loved holy handkerchief and converted to pixels:

The producer of a new movie that criticizes Obamacare has reportedly become the latest prominent conservative slapped with an IRS audit.

Logan Clements, producer of “Sick and Sicker: ObamaCare Canadian Style,” announced via press release Tuesday that he is being audited for the first time ever. (Emphasis added.)

As the usual dolts, including Paul Tossingoff of Powerline and the Virgin Ben guzzle from the Moonie handerkerchief without question, informed individuals will note that the Dinesh D'D-bag wannabe actually released his magnum dopus in 2010, and wingnut websites were giving the video away in early 2012.  New it's not.

As for Clements' prominence, he Googles second to a U.Va. track athlete of the same name. Clements.  

It's as if these Powertools want to be lied to.

Note: Due to a publisher's error, this post was prepared on 10/8, but not published until 10/9.

The Assassination of the Truth By the Illiterate Mike Allen

So PoliticHo gladly paid WorldNutDaily hack Ron Kessler to write this:

Agents tell me it’s a miracle an assassination has not already occurred. Sadly, given Obama’s colossal lack of management judgment, that calamity may be the only catalyst that will reform the Secret Service.

Various people pointed out that this paragraph communicates the idea that Obama's lack of management judgment will be the cause of Obama's assassination, if it occurs. Having been caught in its own scumbaggery, PoliticHo rewrote Kessler to state:

Agents tell me it’s a miracle an assassination has not already occurred. In typical Washington fashion, nothing gets reformed until a disaster happens. If anything unites Republicans and Democrats, it is that nobody wants to see a tragedy: We all just want the Secret Service fixed.

The real offense here is not the PoliticHo/Kessler assassination fantasy, but PolitcHo's attempted cover up. After hiding the original statement, PoliticHo simpered:

Editor’s note: Some readers have misinterpreted the original last line of Kessler’s article as somehow suggesting that the president should be held responsible in the event of his own assassination. That couldn't be further from the truth, and we’re sorry if anyone interpreted Kessler’s meaning in any other way.

That note reflects everything wrong with PoliticHo -- dishonesty and subliteracy. Which "that" couldn't be further from the truth -- that readers misinterpreted the line or that the president would be responsible for his own killing? Unintentionally, this ass-covered editor is either agreed that the critics have it right or that Kessler has it wrong.  And why is PoliticHo sorry if anyone interpreted Kessler's meaning in any way other than "suggesting that the president should be held responsible" for his own killing?  Didn't they just deny that such was Kessler's meaning?

Surely if Kessler's meaning was other than that Obama deserved a fatal fate, PoliticHo wouldn't have replaced it with bipartisan mush entirely contrary to the original blame-laying sentence.

PoliticHo and Kessler are lying scumbags.  And it's a miracle PoliticHo's editor hasn't choked to death on his own drool.