Thursday, December 31, 2009

Howie the Putz is spending today reflecting on his accomplishments of the past year:


Yesterday was Tiger's birthday. Bet he wished for a time machine.

9 minutes ago from web

Stay relevant, Howie!

Out With The Old

The prayers of a thousand c-list wingnut talkers have been denid by a cruel God.

The Republican Party has developed laryngitis for the immediate future.

Wingnut welfare is drying up.

And I feel fine.

Happy New Year to all.

Let's have the best decade of our lives. This could be the best decade ever.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Aloha Oe

Ann Alchouse uses the occasion of Rush Limbaugh's Come-to-Cheney moment to wax moronic on health care reform:

I'm impressed that it took 12 comments before anyone at Politico said that (or anything like that) after a report that Rush Limbaugh has been hospitalized with chest pains and is in "serious" condition.

ADDED: Much re-tweeted at Twitter: "The people calling for Rush Limbaugh to die are the same people who ask to control your healthcare."

I suppose lying about political opponents is the most fitting way to honor Big Pharma. Although Limbaugh's problem was always too much access to health care, not too little. When Rusty goes, it's not going to be the people "calling for" his death who did him in.

May Rusty get the care that everyone deserves.

(No link to Professor Pickle.)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

So who gets custody of James Guckert?

And does the other one get custody of Perino?

Fight The Power

I've found the perfect case for Dr. Mrs. Instacracker and the men's rights movement.

After they've proven that Charlie Sheen is the real victim, of course.

The way certain women manipulate the legal system to deny fathers their rights is unconscionable. Boys need a father!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Thank God Tedd Petruna was on Northwest Flight 253.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

1,270 Miles

The moment you've all be waiting for:

The King William's College Quiz

Update: Here's an easier and quicker one. My score: 44 out of 70 (and I got the Orly Taitz question wrong!)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

"The best thing about Mark Steyn's guest-host stint on Hannity last night — other than Jonah's joining him on the panel — was that Mark asked some pointed questions of two brilliant political strategists, Dick Morris and Karl Rove...."

As John Kennedy would have said, that is the most extraordinary collection of human evil and banality that has ever been gathered together in one place – with the possible exception of when Hitler hosted a pedophile convention.

(From The Corner; it's but not worth the effort.)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Christmas No. 1

Update: Never would have seen that coming.

Constitutional Commentary From A Christmas Cracker

Ho ho ho:

"Bottom line is Christmas is about Christmas," said Erin Ryan, president of the Redding Tea Party Patriots. "That's why we have it. It's not about winter solstice or Kwanzaa. It's like, 'wow you guys, it's called Christmas for a reason.' "

Ryan said Hyatt's initiative [requiring public schools to play Christmas carols] falls under the umbrella of causes the group supports, which concern limited government, following the constitution and fiscal responsibility.

Totally. For sure.

Sarah, Sexting

Imagine being the stooge who has to write "tweets" in the voice of Sharia Plain:

Copenhgen=arrogance of man2think we can change nature's ways.MUST b good stewards of God's earth,but arrogant&naive2say man overpwers nature BRB PIR

Palin isn't trying to change the debate on climate change, or even to debate climate change, with this dumbfuckery. She's just trying to change the microclimate in Little Dick Lowry's pants and stimulate the suckers who buy books with their other head.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Cockslapalypse Now

900 Foot Jesus Wept

Shorter Richard Cohen

Kati Marton? Never heard of her!

(More here)

By the way, Little Dickie concludes his just askin' column like this:

The reason the Glass Ceiling has not broken is that women have other priorities — maintaining relationships and being a mother. This is the way it is, and this is the way it has always been.

Or perhaps it's the hostile work environment.

Fuck Richard Cohen.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Dr. Strangelove's Son, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying And Use My Parents' Credit Cards

I'll see you, Roy, and I'll raise you ... in hell!

This shouldn't surprise you:

Special Thanks to:
Dr. Michael Apuzzo
Helene Apuzzo
The Murty and Apuzzo families
Irvin Kershner
Gretchen Brooks
Rebecca Julian

Sunday, December 13, 2009

We WERE Greeted As Liberators

Alexander Hamilton is spinning in his grave, and Rupert Murdoch's latest hire is rubbing up against the gravestone:

But I must say, I was buying the Liberator [sex aid] and I was watching the demonstration video for all the different positions and I was thinking about my boyfriend at the time, and it got me super turned on . . . just thinking about him and us, and exploring all the different positions on this thing.

I've gotta say, if Rupe thinks anyone's going to pay for that content, he doesn't know the internet.

Old Ash appears to be wandering into Dick Morris/David Vitter territory. (Link SFW.)

Worst Books of the Decade

"There's nothing worse than being told something is wonderful only to discover it's actually The Impressionist by Hari Kunzru."

Whatever you do, don't send Sam Jordison Liberal Fascism: An I Can Write It All By Myself Beginner Book, which will be topping lists of the century's worst books ninety years from now.

Here's one website's list of the worst books of all times. Seems pretty accurate, except for the omission of the Pantload and Jeffrey Archer's works from the top 100.

Roger's Book Sac

Kudos to Mark Kleiman, whose worthy tome has made the Economist's Best of 2009 list:

When Brute Force Fails: How to Have Less Crime and Less Punishment. By Mark Kleiman. Princeton University Press; 256 pages; $29.95 and £20.95 America has one prisoner for every hundred adults—a rate unprecedented in American history and unmatched anywhere in the world. Brute-force crime control has been a costly mistake, both socially and financially. Mr Kleiman shows how smarter enforcement strategies are more successful and make existing budgets go further. An important book that deserves a wider readership.

A link to might have helped, Economist.

Video here.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Who will be the first wingnut to cite this story as proof that health care reform is unnecessary?

Or am I too late?

The Patriot Act

Patriot Pat has been a naughty mascot:

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A man who acts as a mascot for the New England Patriots is among 14 people who have been arrested for prostitution-related crimes in Rhode Island since a new law went into effect that banned indoor prostitution.

The bill signed into law in November made prostitution a misdemeanor crime regardless of where it occurs. Previously, indoor prostitution was allowed because of a legal loophole.

State Police say Robert Sormanti of Warwick was among those arrested in an undercover sting at a hotel. The Providence Journal reports Sormanti is among the team's mascots.

The Patriots said in a statement that multiple people wear the mascot costume and that the "individual in question" has been suspended.

It was easy to pick Pat out of a lineup.

I'm surprised to hear indoor prostitution was legal in Rhode Island. Who would have sex outdoors in Rhode Island? (More about the law here.)

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

A White Christmas

The usual bedwetters are up in arms that the New York Times has published an supplement pandering to consumers which highlights on one page "gifts created for and by people of color this holiday season." These automatic splutterers are outraged that non-whites not only manufacture and purchase merchandise, but also are allowed to recieve and enjoy gifts.

Said bedwetters have not yet turned their fauxtrage to the National Review's promotion of merchandise to pale parents which contains the following colorful dialogue:

“Yasser. Fokes dunner w’at bin yit, let ’lone w’at gwinter be. Niggers is niggers now, but de time wuz w’en we ’uz all niggers tergedder.”

“When was that, Uncle Remus?”

“Way back yander. In dem times we ’uz all an us black; we ’uz all niggers tergedder, en ’cordin’ ter all de ’counts w’at I years fokes ’uz gittin’ ’long ’bout ez well in dem days ez dey is now. But atter ’w’ile de news come dat dere wuz a pon’ er water some’rs in de naberhood, w’ich ef dey’d git inter dey’d be wash off nice en w’ite, en den one un urn, he fine de place en make er splange inter de pon’, en come out w’ite ez a town gal. En den, bless grashus! w’en de fokes seed it, dey make a break fer de pon’, en dem w’at wuz de soopless, dey got in fus’ en dey come out w’ite; en dem w’at wuz de nex’ soopless, dey got in nex’, en dey come out merlatters; en dey wuz sech a crowd un um dat dey mighty nigh use de water up, w’ich w’en dem yuthers come long, de morest dey could do wuz ter paddle about wid der foots en dabble in it wid der han’s. Dem wuz de niggers, en down ter dis day dey ain’t no w’ite ’bout a nigger ’ceppin de pa’ms er der han’s en de soles er der foot.”

Just like the gifts in the Times, the Complete Tales of Uncle Remus can be given by or to anyone. Unlike the Times selections, Uncle Remus will be repulsive to people of every hue.

The Hora, The Hora

Orrin Hatch has written and performed a Hanukkah song:

Hanukkah, Hanukkah, the festival of lights
I love my Hebrew brothers; you're almost good as whites
You are moatly bluish; we come from states of red
That's okay, we'll just baptize you when you're dead

Senator Hatch is accompanied by Attorney General John Ashcroft on the violin, and Larry Craig on the shofar. And he's already booked for next year's Chabad Telethon.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Due to other commitments, the annual Roger Ailes gift guide will not be up this weekend, as I'd originally planned.

Just send me cash. Is Worthless

Not completely. If you need to find out whether that internet coupon for a free small Coke at Mountain Mike's Pizza is fake, is the place to go.  If you're interested in the facts concerning something more substantive, Snopes is worthless.

Look at this recent analysis:

Claim: Account describes Muslims engaging in a "dry run" hijacking of Flight 297.

[Snopes' evaluation:] MIXTURE

Of course, the claim is literally true. There is an "account" -- an e-mail -- which describes such a scenario. But the e-mail is pure bullshit. And even before the airline, AirTran, debunked the e-mail by proving that the purported author wasn't on Flight 297, there was no evidence -- and Snopes cites none -- that the conflict between a flight attendant and a passenger involved a "dry run" for a highjacking or even a Muslim. Yet Snopes doesn't call the account FALSE. (Steves M. and Benen have more details on Flight 297 and the bullshit e-mail.)

Snopes -- by which I mean those frauds, Barbara and David P. Mikkelson -- doesn't have the integrity to dispel the wingnut fantasy for the lie it is. Calling this story a "Mixture" is like applying the same label to the tale that, on Monday, November 30, 2009, I flew to the moon on a lead ballon where I had sex with Linda Evangelista and posted to this blog 17 times. Because part of that is true.

Here's another example:

Letter purportedly written by nonagenarian Navy veteran criticizes President Obama


Some codger supposedly writes a letter to Obama, filled with the bullshit he heard on talk radio, and Snopes declares the rumor "Correctly Attributed" because the geezer supposedly wrote the letter. (Snopes claims to have verified the authorship; in truth, they never spoke with the geezer, and relied on a third-hand account that the old fart dictated the letter to a secretary.) But the letter is filled with demonstrable falsehoods(*) which Snopes doesn't even bother to debunk.

No one gives a toss that some obscure doddering fool "wrote" a nasty letter to Obama. There are a million crackpots writing a million crackpot letters to politicians and public figures every year. What's significant is the substance of the letter, which is filled with fabrications. Snopes has no interest in those, even though the the idiot Palin and others are endorsing those lies.

I don't know whether the Mikkelsons are right-wing hacks, but they're definitely incompetent hacks.

Update: The Flight 297 e-mailer, Teddy Petruna, claims, in conversation with a wingnut columnist, that he was in fact on the flight. Let's assess his credibility:

Even as people scrambled to substantiate the e-mail, Muslim and leftist Web sites began characterizing the writer and anyone who thought it might have merit as "right wing racists." They immediately initiated a campaign to discredit and ridicule the writer, who actually had the audacity to speak boldly about the escalating fear and anger on the flight, though he admitted to me yesterday he'd taken artistic license with a couple points, never imagining it would travel beyond his circle of friends. He's not a journalist, and has no wish to become the next Joe the Plumber, he said.

A "couple points" of fabrication. Not surprisingly, Tedd and his scrivener aren't too specific about the specific lies Tedd told. But it was certainly boldly audacious of Tedd to send a private e-mail to friends in which he portrayed himself as a hero, believing his facts wouldn't be checked. The Audacity of Soft-Soap, one might call it. Meanwhile, Tedd's scrivener claims to be "regular folk" looking for "the truth," even as she covers up for Tedd and attacks those attempting to discredit his admittedly bogus e-mail.

* Most are lies about Obama himself, but, among the most eggregious of the falsehoods is the claim that "500,000 men died" in the Civil War "for" "the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man." Sorry, gramps, but your fellow crackers died because they were against that ideal, and nowhere near 500,000 Americans died in the Civil War.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Birther Duh Nation Has A Favorite Daughter*

Now that Sharia Plain has made her bid for the Birther wing of the Republican Party, what will Mittens, Newt, Huckabee and Pawlenty do to up the ante? Surely they won't concede the G.O.P.'s biggest voting bloc to Palin, Dobbs and Keyes.

* Ms. Taitz is barred from becoming President, due to a Constitutional conspiracy involving the Founders and Eric Holder.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

NOT On Roger's List

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas at the National Review Book Service's "Christmas For Conservatives" webpage. Bargain-minded shoppers can take advantage of these "twofer" deals on items no literate conservative home should be without:

Buy The "Official 2009 White House Christmas Ornament" with:
Muslim Mafia: Inside the Secret Underworld that's Conspiring to Islamize America
by P. David Gaubatz and Paul Sherry
List Price : $50.90
Buy Together: $44.90 (Save 12%)

Buy Still Standing [by Carrie Prejean] with:
The American Boy's Handy Book
by Daniel C. Beard
List Price : $40.94
Buy Together: $29.90 (Save 27%)

Buy The Complete Tales of Uncle Remus with:
The Christmas Sweater
by Glenn Beck
List Price : $52.99
Buy Together: $43.90 (Save 17%)

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Over at Jake Tosser's Political Cockpunch, one of Tosser's interns smarms it up on behalf of the boss:

Golf Digest Asks -- What Can President Obama Learn from Tiger Woods?

And I do mean intern. Spreading Tosser's sleaze must be better a career path than that peace shit.

Rush and Kate Minus Eight

Big Pharma's marrying a gal named Kathryn. But not named Lopez. Sadly, she was too old for Rush. All that opposition to marriage equality, for nothing!

Obliviously We Roll Along

Yes, he said it:

The role of stigma in a free society is one of the least appreciated topics in modern discourse, I think.