He's Special, So Special

At memeorandum.com, sham swabbie "Captain" Ed Morrissey reminds us exactly why he's so special:

"Ed Morrissey / Hot Air:

Video: Maher salutes American troops — I stopped watching Bill Maher a long time ago, and it's moments like this that remind me why he's a waste of broadcast air time." (Emphasis added.)

The size of Limbaugh's radio audience must be credited to his followers' inability to understand more complicated technology.

At the same location, Prof. V.D. Hanson demonstrates the advanced stage of his infection with this bit of masturbatory prose:

"Victor Davis Hanson / The Corner:

First-person Socialism — I think our president needs to invest more in the use of the third-person 'government,' since his speeches more and more center on the narcissistic 'I' and 'me.' Even the car-takeover speech was 'I-ed' to death."

Starting a written statement of opinion with the words "I think" is very bad form -- if what you wrote isn't what you think, why the fuck did you write it?

If you want to see what a lying sack of shit Hanson, compare Hanson's bastardization of the text to Obama's actual speech. Obama's speechwriters use "we" and "the government" much more often than "I" or "me." (V.D. also claims that rhe President's use of the first person goes "on and on" after his excerpts, but it doesn't.) It takes a sociopath to find an inordinate use of the first person in the President's statement. And V.D. knows he's lying, which is why he doesn't link to the text.

The Trolljan Army

Once in a while, something so perfectly moronic comes along that mockery cannot illuminate the stupid.

Witless:

Much of Mr. Obama's vaunted online strategy involved utilizing "Internet trolls" to invade enemy lines under false names and trying to derail discussion. In the real world, that's called "vandalism." [RA -- no, it's not.] But in a political movement that embraces "graffiti" as avant-garde art, that's business as usual. It relishes the ability to destroy other people's property in pursuit of electoral victory.

Hugh Hewitt's popular site shut off its comments section because of the success of these obnoxious invaders. Breitbart.com polices nonpartisan newswire stories for such obviously coordinated attacks. Other right-leaning sites such as Instapundit and National Review Online refuse to allow comments, knowing better than to flirt with the online activist left.

During the Clinton impeachment scandal, a new group out of California called MoveOn.org employed a plan to get its members to dial into right-leaning talk radio shows with scripted talking points falsely claiming that they were Republicans. They said they would never vote for the GOP again if the case against Bill Clinton was pursued.

Particularly eggregious is the Obama Administration's use of the vile expletive glibertarian and speculation about Megan McArdle's gender. Have they no decency?

The crazy corn in Andy's excrement is so abundant that it's impossible to choose from the kernels. But the fundamental flaw is Andy's call to arms without naming the weapon to be used. Andy begins and ends his epistle thusly:

A digital war has broken out, and the conservative movement is losing. Read the comment sections of right-leaning blogs, news sites and social forums, and the evidence is there in ugly abundance. Internet hooligans are spewing their talking points to thwart the dissent of the newly-out-of-power.

We must not let that go unanswered.

...

The American right is in a heap of trouble in a media age that doesn't shun the goons and liars that have poisoned the political process and won the American presidency by breaking the rules of fair play. It is time to fight back, but it won't be easy. The enemy is willing to do and say anything in order to win.

So what is the exit strategy? Shunning? Not having comments? Comment registration? Counterinsurgency? Dimbart rejects the last tactic as un-Judeo-Christian and expressly denies that he is the brains behind the Rebel Alliance ("Of course, every now and then, a curious right-winger will go in and engage in discussion at a left-wing site, but rarely under purely disingenuous and mass coordinated means").

I guess that leaves surrender.

Up In Smoke

What's up with medical marijuana advocates claiming that President Obama is laughing at them? Here's an example, from the Huffingglue Post:

Today, in the historic first online town hall, President Obama fielded questions from nearly a hundred thousand people online. One of the most popular questions, and indeed, one of the most popular questions in any forum that lets people vote on what matters to them, was about whether legalizing marijuana would help improve the economy and job creation.

Chuckling, the President said: "I don't know what this says about the online audience, but [laughing] this was a fairly popular question, we want to make sure it was answered. The answer is no, I don't think that is a good strategy to grow our economy."

...

Pot saved my life. It's a miracle drug, even the crappy non-organic kind made in a lab.

The President will be asked this question again, and maybe next time he won't laugh at us.

And here's some similar dumbassery from Libertarian Fonzie, who can't blame his ignorance on a near-death experience.

I support the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes (subsidized, if necessary) and the decriminalization of marijuana use. I support legalization of marijuana to the extent that I care at all. Obama wasn't ridiculing medical marijuana use which, according to his characterization of the submissions, wasn't even the question asked. I may be giving Obama too much credit, but I suspect he was goofing on glibertarians who think the world revolves around their right to smoke their inheritances.

If the Obama Administration does reconsider federal drug policy, and it should, it won't be due to the outrage of libertarian wankers prancing about the internet in their hemp-fiber posing pouches.

How Many Morons Does It Take to Screw Up An Article About A Light Bulb?

At the New York Times, it's all the anecdotes that are fit to print:

Take the case of Karen Zuercher and her husband, in San Francisco. Inspired by watching the movie "An Inconvenient Truth," they decided to swap out nearly every incandescent bulb in their home for energy-saving compact fluorescents. Instead of having a satisfying green moment, however, they wound up coping with a mess.

"Here's my sad collection of bulbs that didn't work," Ms. Zuercher said the other day as she pulled a cardboard box containing defunct bulbs from her laundry shelf.

One of the 16 Feit Electric bulbs the Zuerchers bought at Costco did not work at all, they said, and three others died within hours. The bulbs were supposed to burn for 10,000 hours, meaning they should have lasted for years in normal use. "It's irritating," Ms. Zuercher said.

Irritation seems to be rising as more consumers try compact fluorescent bulbs, which now occupy 11 percent of the nation's eligible sockets, with 330 million bulbs sold every year. Consumers are posting vociferous complaints on the Internet after trying the bulbs and finding them lacking.

If someone bitches about it on the internet, it must be true.

I've been using CF bulbs for years. I've never had one fail to work or burn out prematurely. In fact, I've bought them on sale (4 for a dollar) and the problem I have is that I've got a bunch of them sitting on a shelf because the current ones haven't burnt out. Based on my experience, therefore, CF bulbs are infallible.

I am sure there are defective CF bulbs. I've purchased traditional bulbs that didn't work, probably because they were dropped in the store and the filament was damaged. Oddly enough, I didn't nurse my grievance at the offending globes or bitch about them on the internet or elsewhere or store them away in my laundry room as proof I'm not insane...SEE, IT'S THE GODDAMN BULBS' FAULT AND I CAN PROVE IT! I either returned them to the store or, more likely, just tossed them.

The problem with the Times article is that it's devoid of any information about the failure rate of CFs or any comparison to the failure of other forms of lighting. You can write an article about defects in any product or service, but there's no point to such an article unless it provides substantive information about the overall utility or cost of the product (actual failure rate, cost per defective bulb, savings/benefit for properly working bulbs &c.) And even less of a point to an article whose headline ("Do New Bulbs Save Energy if They Don't Work?") suggests that the article will provide an answer to the question posed.

I could go on, but while writing this I see this guy already made the same points and I've just wasted my time writing this.

The comments of Ravio Pommer, the Joseph Fritzl of blog spammers, have been deleted from this blog.

Goodbye, England's Roseca

Sad news from that septic'd isle:

Prime Minister Gordon Brown is leading tributes to reality TV star Jade Goody who has died of cancer at 27, praising her as a "courageous woman".

Goody died at home with her family in Upshire, Essex, in the early hours of Sunday after a high-profile battle with cervical cancer.

...

The prime minister said he was "deeply saddened" by the news.

"The whole country has admired her determination to provide a bright future for her children."

A fitting reminder that life is too short to waste time thinking about reality TV stars.

For those not familiar with Goody's ouevre, click here and here.

Conventional wisdom moderate that I am, I was at first opposed to a 90 percent tax on bonuses paid to the employees of AIG and other bailout recipients.

But such levels of taxation could lead to the first real-life, real-time experiment which would settle a great debate of modern times. Disgruntled derivative traders and credit-default swappers and hedge fund managers left to survive on their salaries alone could take a hike and deprive society of their inestimable services until we parasites beg them to come back. And, in the meantime, we could muddle along as less talented schmucks fill the job slots of those who Go Galt.

In any event, it's time for libertarians to stop fondling their own shit or get off the pot. Surely you heroes aren't Ross Douchehats -- all talk and no action.

Cokie Kudlow hasn't set his drug paraphernalia on fire since his freebase days.

I hope it's not a relapse.

Help! Help! I'm Being Oppressed

Taking a break from picking lice from his hair, Corky Romano of Big Babywood squeals about oppression and suppression:

This brings me to the teleprompter gaffe. As of this writing, the video of the event with President Obama and Brian Cowen has not been released. By some reports, the video shows that Obama oftentimes has no idea what is on that teleprompter before he reads it and therefore, as he did on St. Patrick’s Day, ends up doing things like thanking himself for inviting everyone to the White House. An endearing gaffe between two national leaders or President Obama sincerely thanking President Obama for inviting everyone to the White House? The fact that the video has been suppressed may be very telling.

Where is the media on this story? Where are the demands for the video? Of course one would expect the AP, CNN, MSNBC, and others to ignore or play down this story, but FOX News? Bill O’Reilly? Ingraham? Hannity? Even Rush Limbaugh glossed over this story today, treating it as a humorous piece instead of a hard news story.

One wonders how Mr. Romano manages to feed and dress himself between such delusional thoughts.

Sex Lives of The Republicans

One successful foray ended on the guest bed of a high school friend's parents, with a girl who resembled a chunkier Reese Witherspoon drunkenly masticating my neck and cheeks. It had taken some time to reach this point--"Do most Harvard guys take so long to get what they want?" she had asked, pushing her tongue into my mouth. I wasn't sure what to say, but then I wasn't sure this was what I wanted. My throat was dry from too much vodka, and her breasts, spilling out of pink pajamas, threatened my ability to [sic?]. I was supposed to be excited, but I was bored and somewhat disgusted with myself, with her, with the whole business... and then whatever residual enthusiasm I felt for the venture dissipated, with shocking speed, as she nibbled at my ear and whispered--"You know, I'm on the pill..."

Funny definition of successful you've got there, mystery Republican!

Note how fast the mystery Republican managed to mention he was a Harvard "man" to the hook-up he'd plied with booze in order get her interested. Also of interest is the mystery Republican's attempt to have sex at the house of his friend's parents, with a young woman who either (1) was already staying at the house or (2) brought along pajamas for a date, despite the fact they'd never discussed contraception before. Either way, super classy!

The unintended point of this story is that this putz couldn't enjoy any schlub who would have his little member.

Mystery Republican's identity revealed here.

p.s. -- according to another site, the young woman's breasts threatened mystery Republican's ability "to breathe." Shame they didn't finish the job.

Stumble You Might Fall

The world's most inarticulate hillbillies issue a press release:

WASILLA, Alaska -- Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin, the teenage daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin, have broken off their engagement, he said Wednesday, about 2 1/2 months after the couple had a baby.

Johnston, 19, told The Associated Press that he and 18-year-old Bristol Palin mutually decided "a while ago" to end their relationship. He declined to elaborate as he stood outside his family's home in Wasilla, about 40 miles north of Anchorage.

He also said some details of the breakup, rumors of which had been swirling on the Internet, were inaccurate.

Bristol Palin said in a statement issued through a spokeswoman for her mother's political action committee that she was "devastated."

"Unfortunately, my family has seen many people say and do many things to 'cash in' on the Palin name," she said. "Sometimes that greed clouds good judgment and the truth."

SarahPAC spokeswoman Meghan Stapleton did not immediately respond to requests for clarification.

One might assume that Levi's babymama is speaking of the no-account Johnston hoor who sold the story to the tabloids for hard currency. What she claims is false is anyone's guess. I 'spect the Palins and the Johnstons will grab their shootin' irons and commence to a-fussin' and a-feudin' 'til the last dawg dies.

And might I be so bold as to inquire what a political action committee is spending resources on something that could be more appropriately ddressed on Jerry Springer?

Minit Man

The Moonie Times has named Flounder to head its op-ed pages:

The Washington Times on Monday named Richard Miniter as editor of the editorial pages and vice president of opinion, the latest of a series of dramatic moves to boost the newspaper's global impact.

From zero to anything would be a boost. I suspect that Minty will boost the paper's global impact by informing the Reverend's followers that they must now use the Times editorial pages instead of the traditional cloth Holy Handkerchief for ritual purposes, thus creating the same effect at both the beginning and end of the publishing process.

A Bit of British Inbreeding

The British edition of the New York Post has published this bit of psycho babble, which limp dick wingnuts are already crowing about:

Like all good guests, Sarah Brown arrived bearing gifts for the children, Malia and Sasha. And they were really nice presents. A bit of thought had clearly gone into choosing them: Top Shop dresses (with matching necklaces) and a selection of books by British authors. Lovely.

...

In return Mrs Obama gave the Brown children, Fraser and John, two toy models of Marine One, the Presidential helicopter. Fair enough on the helicopter part, always a popular choice with small boys; but Marine One? It's not as though anyone needs reminding that Barack Obama is President or that he has his own helicopter. Short of giving the boys Action Man models of her own husband smiting the evil forces of neoconservatism, Mrs Obama's gesture could not have been more solipsistic or more inherently dismissive of Mrs Brown.

Not only did she demonstrate that she spent approximately three seconds contemplating the needs of the Brown boys (having an aide pop to the White House gift shop for a piece of merchandising does not imply a great deal of thought), she appeared to show a most uncharacteristic lapse of judgment.

Well, that's one way to look at it. Here's another.

As revealed by yesterday's Standard, the Browns showered gifts on the Obama children too, using the occasion to promote British exports.

Sarah Brown gave Sasha and Malia Obama an outfit each from Topshop, which has just opened its first American store in New York. She also picked six children's books by British authors which are shortly to be published in America.

In return, the Obamas gave the Browns two models of the presidential helicopter, Marine One, to take home to sons Fraser and John.

In the Ailes household, we have a name for people who compare the value of gifts exchanged. But I won't use that word here. And we have another word for assholes who manufacture outrage to promote their political agenda.

(Link added to first quote)

Stolberg to Obama: I'd Tap That

As someone who enjoys subtle puns and hidden innuendo in pithy headlines, I refuse to believe that Sherry Stolberg isn't making a lewd reference to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton:

Obama Taps Clinton Ideas but Not Clinton Herself

As others have pointed out, the Secretary of State has plenty of matters to occupy her time. But Sherry can't write the name Clinton uncoupled from a reference to fucking.

Listen to this psycho babble:

Mrs. Clinton's distance from the health care initiative, figuratively and literally — she will be in Brussels on Thursday when Mr. Obama begins his effort to overhaul the system with a high-profile gathering of experts — underscores how the Obama White House is grappling with the cloud that still lingers over the Clinton plan 15 years after it imploded.

Mr. Obama is at once trying to distance himself from the baggage Mrs. Clinton carries as the architect of that plan, while demonstrating that he has learned from it. He is drawing on the experiences of a host of aides who are Clinton veterans, notably Rahm Emanuel, the White House chief of staff. But he is not relying on Mrs. Clinton herself.

How clever of the President to sneak in a health care summit at the very moment Secretary Clinton wasn't looking. Or just maybe President Obama is at once trying to address the health care crisis, while demonstrating that he is trying to address the health care crisis.

The Times used to label made up shit as "News Analysis." No more. And it used to report on the substance of events, instead of putting on puppet shows of fairy tales.

Limp Teabags

While the teabaggers generously estimate attendance at last week's Bag-Ins as reaching into the "hundreds," it takes some clean fucking hippies to draw a real crowd:

WASHINGTON — More than 2,000 clean-energy activists converged at a coal-fired power plant on Capitol Hill on Monday for a protest they billed as the largest display of civil disobedience on the climate crisis in U.S. history. Willing to be arrested for their cause, they encircled and blocked entrances to the plant, which powers the U.S. Capitol and House and Senate office buildings.

No doubt the wingnuts have some ready excuses, such as that the Bag-In was held on a weekday; there aren't ever any conservatives in D.C.; there was no promotion or celebrities involved; the evil media didn't count the fetuses and the pre-fertilized eggs in attendance; etc. But those excuses would be lies (except maybe the last one, as a lot of the men in attendance looked to be in their ninth month). The truth is, their constituency was out looking for jobs.

When Fools Step In

Michael Steele -- You be da eunuch!

Santelli Spreads

This is outrageous.

Next thing you know, TPM Muckraker is going to start publishing stroke photos.